Wish
by 1974alner
Summary: "I know everything happens for a reason. But sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was." Sequel to Extraordinary.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – The honeymoon**

 **CPOV**

The gentle summer breeze is coming through the open doors of the balcony of our rented villa in Kos. Ana, my wife is of course still sleeping peacefully. We arrived yesterday after a 14 hours flight, where we even had to stop in Madrid to refuel. I have been lying awake for some time now watching Anastasia sleep. I wanted to surprise her with a fresh cup of coffee and breakfast in bed. But I immediately dismissed that thought, I'm sure Ana remembers my last attempt on making breakfast. My wife…Anastasia is finally my wife. I glance down at my wedding band and smile. It's a weird feeling wearing the ring, since I never ever wore a ring in my life. But I makes me feel proud. To my opinion and knowledge a wedding ring represents your own commitment to your marriage, your love for your spouse, your faithfulness to this relationship. But Ana pointed out to me on the jet that a wedding ring represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you. I fucking loved that!

Basically, it's an ongoing reminder of the promise that the other person has made to you. It's a sign of the promise that Ana made with me, and I have freely embraced and entered into. The same promise I also made with my wife.

At her breathing and stirring I notice that Ana is waking up. Her lips are partially opened, her mahogany hair spread out on the silk sheets and the duvet only covering the lower side of her sensual naked body. Quickly removing my boxer shorts I crawl on the bed and lay back next to Ana facing her gorgeous face.

Bliss, that's what I felt this morning when I woke up and felt Ana's presence beside me. The heat of her body radiating against mine, her breath softly tickling my neck and her small hand tightly holding on to mine. _Fucking bliss…_

Probably feeling my presence, her eyes flutter open and it only takes her a few seconds to realize where she, and the most beautiful shy smile spreads across her face.

"Hi" Her hands reach for my hair where she lazily starts massaging my scalp.

"Good morning beautiful wife."

Stretching she moves closer to me and places her head on my shoulder, in the meantime her hands are still lazily massaging my head. _Fuck, the feeling is out of this world._

"How did you sleep?" I kiss the top of her head and pull her closer to me.

"Ssshh" is the only answer I get.

Albeit reluctantly I keep my mouth shut. However, I realize after a few minutes that the hand massaging my head is not moving anymore. Her breathing is deep and she is completely relaxed. She has fallen back to sleep. _Well, time to take matters into my own hands._

With my free hand I pull the duvet down exposing her naked body and I start massaging her perfectly shaped ass. With my fingertips I make my way to her breast where I start brushing over her hardened nipple.

While I keep playing with her nipple, Anastasia starts placing little kisses on my shoulder. Then she slowly moves to my neck then my jaw until she finally reaches my lips. With sleepy eyes and her voice thick with sleep she whispers against my mouth. "You're not playing fair Mr. Grey…" Her eyes scan my face and while swiftly kissing my lips she lets her head fall back on my shoulder.

"I never said I would…" I pull her up so that she is lying on top of me.

"And another thing." She lifts her head and rubs the hairs from my forehead. "It's so not fair that you look so incredibly handsome so freaking early in the morning…"

"You are the one looking extremely hot baby…" And it's true. I mean every fucking word. Even with her hair messed up she looks like a goddess.

"Liar" Her voice sounds muffled since she has her face buried in the crook of my neck.

"You even smell good Christian…"

In one move I turn us around so that I'm now laying on top of her, my elbows on both sides of her face.

"Don't ever doubt me baby…do you know what the favorite part of my day is?"

With eyes wide she shakes her head.

"My favorite moment is when you wake up and your eyes flutter open, adorned by those long eyelashes. Then you blink your eyes once or twice and they focus on me…and even though I know that you sometimes have the urge to kick my balls when you have just woken up, you manage to produce a smile…" I kiss her nose. "That's my favorite part of the day."

As she smiles she blushes and wraps her arms around my neck.

"I don't have one particular favorite moment…" she lets her teeth sink into her lower lip and moves her hips.

"I have a lot of favorite moments…" She continues.

"Tell me" I whisper against her neck.

"I love it when you lick your lips when you are concentrated…the way your tongue brushes against your lips…god…that's so hot…"

"Tell me more…" I move my mouth to the other side of her neck and lick my way up to her earlobe which I bite gently.

"I love it when you are driving and you have your sleeves rolled up to your elbows. And then your strong, large hands gripping the steering wheel…" My head snaps up. "You like that?" I ask incredulously.

Ana just nods her head, while looking at me through hooded eyes. Her hands are caressing my back slowly. Up and down, up and down. The feeling is amazing. Her touch on my skin is enticing, scattering goosebumps all over my body. I immediately feel bereft the moment her hands stop at my ass.

"I could actually go on and on about all my favorite moment, but right now I just want you to make love to me Christian…"

Slowly I let my fingertips slide from her face down to her legs. Ana moves slightly to accommodate me and I'm hit with the sweet smell of her scent. Her hardened nipples are grazing against my chest, a place where a few months ago I couldn't even be touched. Suddenly I feel this overwhelming love for my wife.

"What?" Ana asks while her hands are slowly moving up and down my back.

"Nothing, I just love you…" Before she has the time to reply I brush my tongue against her lips which she immediately opens to me. It first starts with the tips of our tongues. Teasing, tasting. That's until Ana moves her hand to my hair and grasps it firmly. Trusting her tongue in my mouth. In the meantime my hand has found his way to the apex of her thighs. _Fuck, she is wet, warm and all mine._

As I let my fingers slide against her clit she moans in my mouth and moves her hips for more friction.

I continue caressing her clit slowly, barely touching it…until I slowly let two fingers slip inside her.

"Aah" She whimpers against my mouth. Slowly pumping my fingers into her I feel her juices sliding down my hand. _Fuck, I need to be inside her._

Removing my fingers I move back on top of her and enter her. Her hands move to my arms. And while not breaking eye contact with the woman I love most…we both reach an earth shattering climax.

"What is that?" Ana asks pointing to the box in the middle of the bed as she comes wandering in the bedroom. She is wearing one of the sexiest dresses I have ever seen. I actually don't think it's a dress, or better I hope not, because she is definitely not wearing that in public. _No fucking way._

"Is that a dress?"

"No…" is her short answer followed by an eye roll. "Those boxes what's in it?" Impatiently she taps with her fingernail against one of the boxes and joins me on the bed.

"Taylor just brought it. He said it was from Megan and Elliot. Elliot gave it to him yesterday." As I say this I'm not looking at her face, but at her body. Actually not her body, just her tits.

"Baby….you're drooling…" Ana places a kiss on the corner of my mouth and puts her finger on my chin, closing my mouth.

"The box Christian, for god sakes…open the box." She huffs in frustration.

"Excuse me little Ms. Impatient." I mumble.

"Little, Mrs. Impatient." She giggles and taps the box again. "Open it."

"I think we are supposed to read this letter first."

 _Dear Ana and Dickhead,_

 _I truly hope that you two haven't been naughty and opened the box before reading this letter, because that would really ruin our surprise._

 _So, you are married now (thank fuck for that) and sitting with your pretty asses somewhere in sunny Europe._

 _Anyway, I really loved you vows…Actually I didn't. (Megan made me write this). But since we are talking about vows…I didn't hear you say…"to have and to hold"…I really missed that part guys. So because I am a really thoughtful guy and the best brother in the whole wide world, I thought I would surprise you both._

 _As you both know, a few weeks ago I made really nice friends in this bakery in Seattle, due to a little-itty-bity-incident. It only took one of my famous panty-dropping-smiles and their annoyance turned into willingness. Their assistance and cooperation was outstanding!_

 _Okay, time to open the biggest box. Do not read further! I repeat…do not read further (I know how curious Ana can be)_

I look at Ana who has the biggest grin on her face. She briefly looks at me and impatiently pries the box open revealing a huge cake in the shape of a dick. Written across the cake are the words **"To have and to hold."**

We both laugh and continue reading Elliot's letter.

 _So, what do you think? Pretty cool right? The next box is mostly for Ana. Pay close attention:_

 _Ana, I know this might come as a shock to you. Yes, this is a huge dick…and yes, the form, but especially the size derive from mine. I thought about taking Christian's dick as an example, but it was just not doable, too small…they said at the bakery._

 _Ana, a little birdy told me that you recover best from shocking information by drinking coffee…well, that's why we bought you this little gift. See it as a life line._

 _With lots of love,_

 _Your handsome, well-endowed brother Elliot_

A little apprehensive Ana opens the second box and it reveals an IV-bag. However this one is definitely different, since it's intended for coffee.

"Baby that's perfect! That's absolutely fucking perfect" I say and take the gift from her and study it closely. My wife on the other hand is trying very hard not to smile.

Holding Ana's "life line" in the air I kiss her pouting lips. "This is really perfect baby…I mean we both know that especially in the morning coffee is a fine line between that smile on your face or your foot up my butt."

"Yeah, but you still love me…" She says pouting. And I will never stop loving you, I think while kissing her lovely pout.

 **APOV**

Eleftherias Square is a in the heart of Kos town. We are strolling past a marvelous market with fresh fruit and vegetables, honey and herbs. The aroma is simply extraordinary.

The Mediterranean sun leaves a tingling feeling on my skin. This warmth is completely different then back in Seattle, where the humidity is much higher.

One hand is tightly clasped in Christian's while I'm holding my guidebook in the other. A gift from my husband. _I love it!_

I quickly look behind me and see Taylor walking a few feet behind us. Unintentionally I probably frown, what gets the immediate attention from Christian.

"Don't Ana…"

"What?" I ask innocently while looking at the neatly displayed oranges on one of the many market stalls.

"It's his job. He gets paid for it and very well I might add."

I sigh not wanting to repeat the discussion we had a few days prior to our wedding. Our conversation began calmly, just as civilized people would do, but after five minutes we started shouting at each other. In the end, Christian walked angrily towards his study loudly shutting the door behind him. To say I was fuming would be an understatement…so I walked towards the study and threw my shoes at the closed door. We both sulked for two hours. Christian in his study and me in the library. When he finally came to bed that night, he apologized and we had the best make up sex ever. However we never discussed it again…

"Besides Taylor wouldn't want it any other way…" _Just drop it already._ He really doesn't know when to stop. He just wants to be right.

"Don't ignore me Anastasia."

"Will you just let it go? Geez Christian. What do you want me to say?"

"Admit that I'm right." _Nope._ _Don't think so._

"Let's agree to disagree on this one okay?" I add and look the other way, trying to avoid his angry face.

"Why is it so fucking difficult to admit that I'm right? You're an intelligent woman Anastasia. You know that being married to me comes with a lot of risks and when it comes to you I. won't. take. risks."

We are now standing in the middle of the square facing each other. Other tourists are walking past us, oblivious. His angry gray eyes, fighting a battle against my annoyed blue ones.

Christian who still is holding my hand, reinforces his grip when I try to pull my hand away.

"I'm hungry" I say.

"Fine let's eat!" Without letting go of my hand, Christian pulls me to one of the little restaurants where he finds us a seat in the shade.

Christian is staring straight ahead of him, completely ignoring me and in the meanwhile playing with the wedding band on his finger. Suddenly I just feel tired, angry and extremely sad…

When I feel the tears stinging in my eyes I open my guidebook and start browsing through it without even reading anything. I'm too worked up at the moment.

"I don't want to fight you Anastasia." Taking the guidebook from my hands and placing it on the table, Christian entwines our hands and shifts his chair closer to mine.

I swallow to fight back the tears and blink my eyes rapidly. "Don't cry please Ana…I don't want to make you cry…"

"Please don't…" I whisper without looking at him. Instead I stare at our joined hands.

"Ana…security is a necessity in my life…our life…" His voice sounds pained.

"I know"

"Ana, look at me please…"

When I turn my face to look at Christian, his eyes that only five minutes ago looked angry, now look hurt. The carefree and happy Christian I woke up this morning to is gone. Instead it seems like he is carrying the world on his shoulders. _Shit, now I feel stupid._

"Look, I'm sorry Christian…I was being stupid…it's just that…" I shake my head and look at the people passing by.

"Talk to me Ana, don't bottle things up. Tell me how you feel." Christian insists.

He tenderly puts a tendril of hair behind my ear.

"We are in Greece Christian…no one knows you here…they don't even know where we are."

Christian stares at me for a long time and eventually sighs.

"You're right no one knows me here of even knows we are here, but Ana…people go to great lengths to get what they want. If someone has set his mind in hurting us…"

"It's okay …I get it. I understand."

"So, are we good?" Christian stares at me with his lost eyes and I immediately wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me.

"Of course we are…I'm sorry Christian." Burying my face in his neck the tears that I was trying so hard to hold back are now rapidly falling down my cheeks.

"What's wrong…why are you crying?"

"I don't know…just tired I guess…"

"Do you want to go back to the villa?"

I shake my head. "No, I just want to enjoy this…I'm sorry it's just the lack of sleep."

"Why did you choose Greece?" I ask while we are walking towards the ruins.

"I have never been here before. I wanted it to be a first for both of us."

"That's is really sweet Christian…I like our firsts…"

"So this is the tree?" We are standing looking at the tree of Hippocrates from a distance.

"Yes…"

"Kind of a disappointment…" Christian states as we move closer to the tree.

"Christian, this is not the original tree. This tree is only standing here for 500 years, but they say that it may probably be a descendant of the original tree which allegedly stood here 2400 years ago."

"Ana there are even some branches supported by metal scaffolding…"

"Geez, don't be such a grouch. Just imagine Hippocrates, who was considered the father of medicine, teaching his pupils the art of medicine…right here on this spot…"

"Whatever baby." Christian grins at me and pulls me to one of the benches near the tree.

"Look I say pointing to a picture in the tour guide. He even invented the Hippocratic bench. That was a medieval device which used tension to aid in setting bones. The patient would lie on a bench at an adjustable angle and the ropes would be tied around his arms, waist, legs or feet. He would uses winches to pull the ropes apart."

"Kinky bastard" Christian mutters. However seeing Christian's face, I don't think I was supposed to hear that.

"What do you mean?"

Christian shrugs and stares at the tree. Clearly uncomfortable. "In the BDSM there are bondage beds…submissives are restrained to the bed…and some of the beds even have a cage underneath." Even though Christian is telling me this in a casual way, I can see at the set of his jaw and at the tone of his voice that he isn't really comfortable in sharing this information with me. Christian had led a life before me that I don't know anything about.

"A cage?" _A freaking cage?_

"Yes, it's mostly used as a punishment." Christian's eyes are set on the tree in front of us. He is avoiding eye contact completely.

 _Shit! Did he use to have a bed like that? Did he use to punish those girls and let them sleep in a cage while he slept on the bed?_ I start fumbling with the pages of the guidebook that I'm still holding in my hand and ask the question that is burning on my lips.

"Did you…?"

"No!" Christian answers cutting me off.

"Okay…" I reply meekly. That's good right? I know so little about that lifestyle. I would really like to understand what the appeal is for a submissive or even a dominant. Maybe I can convince Christian to take me to a BDSM club sometime. Maybe if I saw what those scenes entail, that I can somehow understand. I mean I don't even know how a dungeon or playroom looks like.

"I would like to go to a BDSM club I blurt out…"

 **CPOV**

"Come again…"

"I said…I would like to go to a BDSM club …will you take me?" Ana is nervously picking at the nail polish on her nails. Her face is bright red and her leg is nervously moving up and down.

"Absolutely not…"

"Why?" She whispers.

I sigh as I hear the tinge of annoyance in her whisper. Why the hell isn't she a little more compliant? Why is my wife so incredibly inquisitive and why…why can't she just listen to me? No, my wife always wants to know the underlying thought in every fucking answer. Then a discussion develops, where everything is analyzed. And I mean everything. Every word I say can be taken out of context, and then she starts analyzing again.

"Because I say so…" Is the only answer I can come up with. Doesn't she understand that I don't want to taint her with my past? I don't want her to be repulsed by me. Because I'm pretty damn sure that when she witnesses the harsher scenes, she will be repulsed. And in the end she will leave me. That can't happen. I can't let that happen. Ever.

I'm sure that if I would have met Ana before I left the lifestyle and I would have asked her to become my submissive she would have turned me down. She would have been repelled by the dominant asshole I was. If she knew what I use to do with my submissives…

"And that's the end of it right?" Ana's demeanor has changed from insecure to defiant. Her hands are firmly clutching the guidebook in her hands, making her knuckles turn white. She has her chin raised in the air. _Let the battle of wills start._

"You know me well Ana." I stand up as a sign that this conversation has ended.

Amazingly, my wife surprises me again. After a few seconds and a deep breath she carelessly throws the tour guidebook in her purse and her entire attitude shifts. Her shoulders relax and without any hesitation she lovingly takes my outstretched hand. Why do I have the feeling that this was just too easy?

Ana doesn't mention our conversation again during our walk through the island. Ana is her happy self. Cheerful, funny and extremely affectionate. Every now and then she stops to kiss me or just to tell me how much she loves me. She is constantly consulting the tourist guide I gave her on the plane as we reach a tourist attraction. I'm positive that by tomorrow, Ana will probably know more about the islands history than most islanders. She absorbs all information and details.

It's a joy to see.

"Are you hungry or thirsty?" I ask her when we are strolling back to the town's square.

"I'm thirsty" She says looking up at me. "And I would love to taste that Baklava…" She admits shyly.

"Let's go then baby." Because what my girl wants, my girl gets.

 **APOV**

"Mmm, Christian…God this is divine. Taste it."

I cut a piece of the sweet pastry made off layers filo dough, filled with chopped nuts and sweetened with honey, with my fork and bring it to Christian's mouth.

His perfectly shaped mouth opens and he lets me feed him.

Enthralled I'm looking at my husband's mouth. I wipe the small drop of honey from his lips with my thumb and just when I'm about to kiss his perfect mouth I feel a presence at our table.

Looking at my left side I see a little girl standing at our table looking at the pastry. Her long black hair is disheveled, like the rest of her. The thin dress she is wearing is scruffy as is her face. Her almost black colored eyes are shifting from the pastry to me.

"Are you hungry?" I ask softly.

A little frown appears on her sweet, little face. Beside me Christian is shifting in his seat nervously.

 _Shit, she doesn't understand a word of what I'm saying._

Placing the fork back on the plate I shove it towards her and smile at her. But before the little girl can take the fork to her mouth Taylor is standing at our table. His posture is tall and frightening. What the hell is he doing?

"Taylor go…please…she is just a little girl…she's hungry" But before Taylor has the change to turn around the waiter is standing at our table, shouting to the little girl. With a last glance at the pastry I see her bottom lip trembling before she runs away in the direction of the marina.

I have the urge to run after the little girl. She was hungry…so incredibly hungry that she silently sneaked up to our table and begged me with her eyes. I throw the paper napkin on the table and slump back in the green, metal and very uncomfortable chair. It's too late, she is to war away. The baklava is still on the table. I can't eat it.

"Do you want me to ask the cook to prepare something?" Christian asks.

"I'm not hungry anymore Christian." I'm still looking towards where the little girl ran off to. God, she must have been so hungry.

"For the girl." He says softly. "We can walk in the direction of the Marina. She is probably hiding there somewhere."

"God, I love you Christian."

While Christian and I are waiting for the food to be prepared, different questions run through my head. What is a girl like her doing here alone? Where are her parents? Does she even have parents? If not…who is taking care of her? Does she have a place to sleep?

Why did that waiter have to yell at her like that? And what the hell was Taylor thinking? That she was a threat? With my eyes glued to where she disappeared I hope that the cook just hurries so we can at least feed her.

 **CPOV**

I have to admit that the word "giving up" doesn't exist in my wife's vocabulary. Packed with a bag full of food, we walked twice around the Marina. Unfortunately without success. I don't know if it was Taylor's presence or that she simply wasn't there.

Ana refused to take the food back to the villa. Instead she entered a small bakery. Using her little pocket dictionary she tried to tell the elder lady behind the counter for who the bag was mend to. Sadly, we have no idea if the woman understood anything of what we said or if she even knew the little girl.

Leaning against the bathroom door I've been staring at Ana for a while who is taking a bath. She is mindlessly staring in the distance.

What Ana doesn't know is that we don't only have Taylor with us but also a few undercover security guards. They are locals and know the people and the area. I asked Taylor to talk to them and tell them to find the girl and give her at least something to eat and find out what a little girl like her was wandering the streets by herself.

* * *

"Do you mind if I join you?" Startled, Ana looks at me bringing her hand to her chest. "Shit, Christian, you scared me."

Smiling at her I raise my eyebrows awaiting her answer. "Of course you can join me." She adds quickly.

A few seconds later Ana's soft body is leaning against my chest.

"God, I can't stand it" Ana say breaking the silence. "I can't stand the thought of that little girl being hungry."

"You have the biggest heart Ana Grey." Carefully I shove her hair to the side and kiss that special spot behind her ear.

She turns around and straddles me, placing both arms loosely over my shoulders. Her fingers immediately find my hair.

"You, Christian Grey have a big heart…what we did today or tried to do, pales in comparison to what you have been doing for years. Your project in Darfur, which not only helps children, but entire villages. You support your parent's charity. And your mother told me that you even donated extra money for those children who were a part of that Waves project. I've also been told that you keep an eye on them. You provide them with everything they may need…selflessly just because you can and want to help them. That is what I call having a big heart."

Her small hand glides to my chest and she spreads her fingers across my heart.

"You are an amazing man and well it happens you are my husband. I'm incredibly proud of you…"

She stares at me with those beguiling eyes and that gorgeous smile and I'm about to burst with happiness.

I take my hands to her breasts and start grazing my thumb against her nipples, but then when I squeeze lightly she winces.

"Did I hurt you?"

"A little, I don't know my breast are incredibly sensitive…I'm sorry…but don't stop…"

"Ana, I'm not going to hurt you. Why are your breasts sore? Could it be that you're pregnant?" I blurt out and I can't help the hopefulness in my voice. But fuck, it would make me incredibly happy. Scared shitless, but happy none the less.

Ana's eyes widen and she shakes her head sadly. "Christian, I told you that it might take to even eight months until my period returns…I don't think that we can conceive while not having a period."

"I've read stories Ana that woman even get pregnant while on the depo shot…" I shrug.

"Where did you read that?" She asks scrunching up her nose.

"Well…when you told me that you stopped with the depo and that…well you know…I did some research…" I'm fucking blushing. _It was the best kept secret ever._

"What kind of research?" She probes.

"I might have ordered a few books?"

"A few?"

"All of the books I could find…" I admit begrudgingly.

"How many?" she is biting her lip and trying her best not to fall into a fit of laughter.

"About thirty…maybe thirty five…" Ana's eyes get huge, her mouth drops open and then she throws her head back and starts laughing.

"Oh my god Christian, that's so cute…" _Cute? That's not cute. That's being in control. I'm prepared, I know what awaits us._

"Baby, I've practically read everything there is to read. You can ask me anything, from the moment the child is conceived until he or she goes to college." I tell her proudly.

"Do tell Mr. Grey" Ana says playfully and quickly kisses my lips.

"Basically all I have to do is insert my penis into your vagina, thrust a few times, I ejaculate and then my little swimmers do the work." _Simple. Easy._ _Piece of fucking cake._

"Jesus, Christian…or should I say _Mr. insert-penis-in-vagina_ , you make it sound like a business deal." Ana says appalled.

"No business deals when it comes to conceive our child Ana…our little baby is going to be made out of love…but technically I'll have to insert my penis in your vagina baby…"

"Show me then…" She whispers against my mouth, but then I remember what started this conversation in the first place.

"First tell me why your breasts are sore?" I look down at her breasts and they are perfect. To me it seems as if they are bigger, but I'm certainly not going to tell her that and then again you won't hear me complaining.

"I think it's one of the side effects…" She blushes and suddenly I have this feeling that she is keeping things from me.

"What aren't you telling me Anastasia?"

"It's nothing really…" She admits, but avoids eye contact. "Ana, talk to me" Placing my finger under her chin I force her to look at me.

"I'm a little nauseous and I feel bloated..." _What the fuck?_ Ana doesn't give me a chance to answer.

"But it's not really bad…the nausea is not constant, but like I said, it's not bad…" She shrugs it off as if it's nothing serious and it really pisses me off.

"Ana…"

"Please Christian…believe me that if I even had the slightest doubt I would take a pregnancy test. Please don't blow this out of proportion…"

"Just tell me if it gets worse Ana…promise me."

"I promise Christian…Now help me remember please…how babies are made." Lazily she bites my lip and whispers against my mouth.

 _That I can do._

 **A/N: Well, here it is. The first chapter. I know I said I would be posting this story by the end of June, however real life has been incredibly busy the last couple of weeks, but this week in particular. Anyway, I hope you liked it.**

 **Let me know what you think?**

 **Alner**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – "Daddy why does my penis gets hard sometimes?"**

 **APOV**

"Are you excited in going to Athens tomorrow?" Christian asks while he is lazily caressing my bare legs.

"Of course I am…"

"I hear a but…"

"It's just that this honeymoon is coming to an end Christian and I wish we could stay here forever. You know our own bubble…no one to disturb us or anything like that…"

"We can always come back here. Whenever you want. We can even buy this villa if you'd like that."

"Christian you already own an apartment in New York and the house in Aspen…"

" _We_ Ana…it's ours…not mine…"

"I've never been to New York…" I giggle at my own remark. "Actually I barely left the state…"

"I'll take you and show you around…"

"Christian we do have to work…you know that right. I feel guilty as it is already. I am the CEO of Lambert Publishing, but I have barely been there…I have decided to go back fulltime after we return from our honeymoon…" I ramble and look carefully at Christian whose hands have now stopped caressing my leg. His jaw is set tight and his lips, normally shaped in this perfect form, are now forming a straight line. _Shit._

"Why?" Christian sits up straight and brushes both hands through his hair. _Not good_.

"Christian do you really need to ask me that? I need to get back."

"No you don't" He says stubbornly. "Ana you have been dealing with a lot of shit the last few months, you haven't finished your sessions with Flynn and I have everything under control at Lambert Publishing…"

"Christian…I can't stay at home endlessly. Who knows how much longer those sessions with Flynn will take?"

"You don't trust me…" His hands are now turned into fists.

"Don't turn this around Christian. Me wanting to return back to work has nothing to do with me not trusting you. I know that you have everything under control…but it needs to be me, not Mike, not you…but me." I dig my finger at my chest and blink the tears away.

His eyes soften. Taking my hand in his he kisses my finger and looks at me with those gray eyes.

"Two days…you can go to work two days…"

"Four…four days…"

"No too much…and you know that Ana. We agreed…your health comes first."

"Three days…" I whisper.

"Two days in the office and one day you can work from home…please Ana…"

"Two days is nothing Christian…"

"Think of it as a temporary solution Ana. Believe me I don't want to keep you home, I wouldn't even succeed if I wanted to." He mutters the last words. "You can slowly build it up again. I promise that I won't stand in your way, because I know how important Lambert Publishing is to you. But please, please Ana…start with two days and then you can see how it goes…listen to your body Ana…please…"

He is right. I think it would be completely wrong to start working fulltime. But how in the world are my employees going to take me serious when I'm not even there?

"Don't overthink this Ana…"

"Okay two days…and then one day at home… then we'll see how things work out."

"Thank you baby…" Christian peppers my face with little kisses until he reaches my neck where he starts blowing raspberries.

"Stop it ….that tickles" I giggle and try to push him away.

"Ah…there it is…that lovely sound…I love your giggle Ana…"

"I love you Christian…but you promised me another round on the Jet Ski's…"

"Come on woman…let's go…"

 **CPOV**

Breathtakingly sexy…that's the only way to describe Ana as she comes walking out of the bedroom only wearing a little, sexy bikini.

I quickly grab the camera from the side table and start making pictures while Ana is walking towards me. Her gaze is sexy and seductive. When I lower the camera I roam my eyes over her body. The bikini shouldn't even be called a bikini…because this is just a few scraps of material covering her modesty.

Ana's eyes start roaming my body until she stops at my crotch. A lazy smile appears on her face. Sauntering in my direction she bites on her lip and points her finger at me. "Strip"

My brain needs a few seconds to digest her request. "Strip Christian…" Her blue eyes are shining brightly. _And gone is my shy wife._

When I'm standing naked in front of her she places her hands on my hips and stands on her toes. Her mouth grazing against my ear…her breath leaving goosebumps all over my body. "I love seeing you naked Christian…" She licks my earlobe and I hear her labored breathing.

"Do you have any idea how it excites me to see your erect….cock… immensely swollen and proud?" With her hand still on my hip she walks past me until she is standing behind me.

"Your ass, your back…everything is perfect Christian." Her fingertips are gently caressing my ass and then slowly up my spine. Then I feel her lips on my back. The kisses are spread all over my back and I know she is kissing my scars. The ugly scars inflicted on me by a pimp whose goal was to make me suffer while my mother was occupied with his so called friends…The memory evaporates when Ana's lips brush against my scars. She is kissing the pain and horrible memories away. Only she can do this. It is only her…it will only be her.

When she is done kissing the nine scars on my back she moves back in front of me slowly removing her top. With a flourish she drops the material on the floor and rubs her breast against my chest.

"I absolutely love the purple glow your dick gets when you are this aroused. When the veins are clearly visible…and you want nothing more than my hand gripping you…" She is now standing back on her toes and I bend down slightly to make it easier for her. With her eyes partially closed she licks my mouth and a little moan escapes her lips.

A moan escapes my lips too when her small hand starts massaging my balls. Slowly, tenderly…agonizingly slow.

She breaks the kiss and leaves a trail of wet little kisses until she has reached my ear again. Her hand still massaging my balls, making me crazy with need. "And I absolutely love the feeling of your cock entering my wet…pussy…" I see the blush spreading over her body. _Ah, there is my shy wife again._

"I want that Christian…I want to feel your cock buried inside me…" I don't let her finish. I pick her up and place her on the table harshly removing her bikini bottom.

"What do you want baby?" I say bending over and whispering in her ear. My dick is brushing against her belly and fuck if that isn't arousing.

"What do _you_ want?" She replies brazen.

"I want this…" A groan escapes my lips as I burry myself inside her. Ana's mouth is slightly open, her hands gripping both sides of the table.

I don't move, because I think that only the smallest thrust is going to make me cum. Instead I bend forward and take one of her perfect nipples in my mouth and start sucking gently.

With my other hand I start massaging her other breast which fits perfectly in my hand. We are made for each other.

Ana grabs my hair and wraps her legs around my waist. "Move…shit… Christian just move…"

Releasing her nipple I untangle her legs from my waist and spread them. When I look down, I see her sex glistening from her arousal…"Fuck Ana…"

And then I move…slow. I want this to last.

From the outside, the sounds of the sea and the birds blow into the villa with the gentle breeze. This is fucking perfection.

As I pull back I see my dick coated with her arousal. My eyes slide to Ana's breast which she is massaging. "Baby…I'm…almost there…Ana…"

The image of my wife laying in front of me, completely exposed and playing with her breasts is extremely hot. She choose me. This perfect woman choose me. She trusted me and gave me her virginity… she decided to look passed all of my fucked up ness, she accepts me with all my flaws and shortcomings. She doesn't see the monster I once was…she just loves me… _me_ for who I am…not for my money, she sees the good in me. Her eyes are now closed and every now and then she wets her lips. My balls are tight and they spread that fucking amazing feeling to my stomach making me explode inside my wife. Ana's body is covered in a sheen of sweat, hairs are sticking to her forehead and she has an incredibly sexy blush over her body.

Releasing one of her legs and placing it over my shoulder I pinch her clit while still moving in her. My release and her arousal are dripping out of her on the wooden table.

"Christian!" Lifting her back from the table she starts shuddering and trembling when she is hit by her orgasm. _Perfect._

 **APOV**

"Where are we going Christian?" I ask for about the umpteenth time.

But my husband smugly taps his nose with his long finger and smiles at me. "Patience baby…it's a surprise." Without taking his eyes of the road he takes hold of my knee and leaves his hand there.

"It's just that I hate surprises" I mutter.

"Why…why is it that you hate surprises so much Ana?" He briefly looks at me and squeezes my knee gently.

I shrug. "Tell me Ana…"

Leaning back against the car seat I close my eyes. I don't even know where to start, frankly I don't even know if I want to discuss this right now. I feel the car coming to a stop and I open my eyes to see that Christian has parked the car at the Marina.

Turning of the engine he turns in his seat and takes my chin in between his thumb and forefinger. "Has it anything to do with Carla?" Christian asks carefully.

"Yes…" I croak.

"Do you want to talk about it…?"

I shake my head. "Not now…please…"

Christian kisses my forehead and then starts peppering little kisses all over my face. "Just remember that when I have a surprise for you, it is only meant to make beautiful memories and because I love you and not to hurt you…"

"I know that Christian." I smile weakly.

Placing one last sloppy kiss on my lips, Christian unbuckles both of us and steps out of the car. "Stay…I'll open the door…" He says sternly.

If I have to be honest I find his chivalry delightful. I always pretend to be offended, but the opposite is true. I feel cherished and taken care of. I can't think of any woman who isn't affected by gentlemanly behavior. It sets our hearts aflutter…at least mine.

"My lady…" Christian bows playfully as he opens my door and takes my hand to help me out of the car.

This is definitely a win-win situation ... the chance that I fall flat on my face while stepping out of the car is zero and he is the perfect gentleman. What more could a girl ask for?

With our hands entwined we start walking through the crowded Marina, when my eyes zero in on a diving school.

"Christian…" I say tugging at his arm. "Please don't tell me we are scuba diving?"

"Actually we are" He says and now practically dragging me towards the diving school.

"Christian! Stop please!"

"There is nothing to be afraid of baby…believe me you are going to love this…" _I don't think so._

"Christian…" I whine.

Christian is trying really hard not to laugh. He shoves both of his hands in pockets and smiles sympathetically. "You have studied the flora and fauna of the Aegean Sea baby?"

"It's funny that you've mentioned it." I cross my arms in front of my chest. "Because actually I have studied it." I look at the water and back at Christian.

"Are you aware that there are octopuses in these waters? I'm frantically waving my arm towards the sea. "An octopus Christian! And…and there are these little fishes with bulgy eyes…uhm… Blennies! Yes, that's what they are called. Well I happened to know that these Blennies are small and colorful. And…" I hold my finger in front of his face and wave it back and forth" "This fish are not scared by swimmers, just on the contrary, they swim around you." I rub my forehead and look back at my amused husband.

"And there is also another fish witch name I forgot, but its front teeth and jaw is so tough that it can break the hard surface of coral or even rocks."

Instead of comforting me or acknowledging I'm right, Christian throws his head back and starts laughing.

"Stop laughing at me" I hiss. "It's not funny Grey!" Still laughing an infectious belly laugh Christian picks me up and spins me around. "I won't let anything happen to you Ana…I promise that you are going to enjoy this…as for those ass kicking Blennies…I'll protect you…" I feel him smiling against my neck.

Ten hours later Christian and I are back on shore. We, or actually _I_ started with a theory lesson on the shallow part of the water. Initially there was one instructor, but the poor guy was send away after only fifteen minutes. I guess jealous Christian roar his ugly head.

And since Christian has years of diving experience and is even a PADI Master he gladly took over the role of instructor.

Since new scuba divers aren't expected to throw on a full set of scuba gear and leap off a boat into the deep blue sea on their first scuba dive, we first stayed in the shallow bay. Christian patiently explained me how all the dive gear worked and got me familiarized with them with simple techniques. Breathing through the regulator felt exceptionally weird at first, and when Christian asked me to put my face in the water and inhale…well that was weird as well. This is really not typical human behavior and I was a little hesitant to put my face in the water and inhale at the beginning.

But I actually did it. With great patience and Christian's sweet encouraging words I actually managed to do it. And it was absolutely amazing. This was definitely an experience I didn't want to miss.

Back in the rented convertible Christian is talking about going to The British Virgin Islands since it's the best place to dive. My heart fills with joy and happiness when I see him talking and behaving like this. He is carefree and happy. Occasionally he takes his eyes off the road to make quick eye contact with me. He then gives me his adorable shy smile and concentrates back on the road.

"What do you want to do this evening? Do you want to go out for dinner of do you want to stay in?"

"I'm pretty beat. Would you mind if we stayed in the villa?"

"Whatever you want Ana…but shower first…"

* * *

"What are you doing?" I ask Christian. He is sitting in the patio and shifting in his seat adjusting himself.

"What do you think?" He grins at me as he roams his eyes over my body.

"Adjusting yourself?" I say blushing.

"Yup"

"Why?"

"Fuck Ana, you can't expect from me not to get a boner when you come out dressed like this. "

"Oh I thought your penis was flopped…" I deadpan and kiss his cheek.

"Flopped?"

"Yeah" I shrug. "In a weird angle or something…"

"Anastasia when my dick senses your proximity, it's never floppy or flaccid…here feel…"

I gently start massing his penis through his boxer shorts and he is right. He is hard as steel. He is so immensely endowed that the tip of his penis is protruding from the elastic band of his Ralph Lauren boxer shorts.

"I bet you are wet too baby…" His hand finds his way through my white cotton panties and he leisurely starts moving his finger over my clitoris. "Ah Christian…that feels so good…" I whimper.

"Ana…" His voice sounds husky. "You are dripping baby…"

His mouth moves to my neck where he starts licking and kissing me. Then he whispers. "I want to feel your hot pussy on my dick Ana…I want you on top." Abruptly he moves his finger leaving me totally empty and wanting for more. I don't know how he's done it, but when I'm sitting on top of him his boxers are somewhere on his ankles.

Instead of sinking into him I start making circular motions with my hips. My panties are drenched. His hands are everywhere. My hair, my back, my breasts. Christian is breathing heavily…I'm actually turning him on. I am the one who at this moment is making him feel out of control and overwhelmed with passion and lust. The feeling is powerful to say the least.

Christian moves my panties to one side and takes his member in his hand. God. Seeing him touching himself is hot. I place my head in the crook of his neck and I'm hit with his enticing scent. He smells masculine, intoxicating…it's Christian.

Didn't I read somewhere that woman are attracted to the smell of dominance in a man and that our natural body odor can be a sign of compatibility for potential partners? Well shit, then Christian and I surely are compatible.

It's when I open my eyes that I'm met with his gray ones. They are full of love and passion. We are sitting so close together that I can see the little hints of blue in his gray eyes. Christian's eyes perfectly reflect his mood. The color of his eyes can change rapidly from the dark gray color, reflecting his anger to a soft-looking, muted, luminous silver color. Then his eyes become bright and shining, holding and reflecting lights. I love his eyes.

Effortlessly Christian lifts me slightly, and while I take his hard, erect penis in my hand, Christian slowly eases me down on him.

"Fuck Ana…I can't get enough of you baby…you are so tight…" His hands are roughly holding on to my but cheeks, massaging and caressing them at the same time. His hips are moving frantically, furiously pumping into me. The sensations are so overwhelming that I can't hardly describe them. Christian's hands and mouth are everywhere. His face is flushed, the muscles of his neck and shoulders strained and clearly visible due to his physical exertion. "Ana…fuck!" he yells and throws his head back. Christian's fingers are firmly digging into my waist as he shudders and trembles underneath me.

His chest rapidly rising and falling and the tiny beads of sweat slowly dripping from his forehead down his cheeks.

Christian hasn't even come down from his orgasm when his mouth finds mine, one hand easily finds my clit which he starts to rub at a rapid speed. My clit is super sensitive and it takes only a few seconds until I'm engulfed in an earth shattering orgasm.

 **CPOV**

 **(Athens)**

"My feet are killing me." Ana slips out of her fucking cute dark blue flats and wiggles her toes. Mindlessly she drops her bag on the floor and leans against the chair. With her eyes closed she tilts her face towards the sun and a smile appears on her perfectly shaped mouth.

"You look stunning baby. Your legs seem to go on and on in that amazing dress." I kiss her flushed cheek and brush my finger along her partially naked leg.

"I guess I have to thank you…"

"Why would you have to thank me?" I place another kiss on her cheek, simply because I can and somehow need to feel her. I need to feel that this isn't a dream. That Ana really is my wife and that she is here with me on a rooftop of one of the most prestigious hotels in Athens, with an astonishing view of the Parthenon.

"You made sure I had a complete wardrobe for our honeymoon." She isn't looking at me. Her eyes are still closed, her face still facing the sun. Briefly that enticing tongue of her comes out of her mouth, wetting her lips. But then her face snaps towards me, her eyes huge.

"It was you wasn't it Christian? Please tell me that you didn't send Taylor…"

Brushing the perspiration from her upper lip with my thumb I lean forward and place another kiss on her lips.

"I called Caroline Acton, Anastasia and told them I wanted a complete wardrobe and that it needed to be suitable for different occasions."

"Unfortunately, you almost ruined every set of lingerie by ripping it in shreds…" I feel that she wants to joke about it, but the set of her eyes clearly tells me that something is bothering her. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes and instead of looking at me she focusses on the other guests surrounding us.

"Does that bother you?" I ask feeling my heart crashing against my chest. _What's bothering her?_

"Oh no, on the contrary. I find it a very pleasant thought that you used to do the same in your previous relationships. You know…providing them with an entire wardrobe." She has her face turned to me. Her small hands are clenched into fists, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Anastasia please…" I whisper. Why does it always come back to my past? Why can't she accept that I bought her those clothes simply because I love her? With my submissives I only bought them the clothes because I wanted to control every aspect of their lives. With Ana, my main goal is to make her happy.

"I'm sorry…Christian…shit I'm so sorry…"

"What do I need to do to make you see that you are nothing like them Ana? I am trying very hard to forget that part of my life, I am trying exceptionally hard not to be that fucking asshole I used to be Ana, but somehow you keep reminding me of it. Tell me what I need to do to make you see and feel that you are the only woman I have ever loved or will love. I bought you those fucking clothes because I love you and my main goal in life is to make you happy, see you smile." I whisper through clenched teeth. I brush my fingers through my hair and stare straight ahead.

"Christian…" He fingers hesitantly reach for my hand. Slowly she entwines our hands and squeezes.

"Am I doing such a bad job in showing you how much I fucking love you? You are my everything Anastasia, my world…you are the last thing I think about when I go to sleep and the first thing that enters my mind about when I wake up. My entire world revolves around you. If you were to leave me…" I shake my head and try to push those thoughts away. Because if Ana were to leave me my world would slip out of control. I can't life without her.

"I have never felt more loved in my life Christian…" she answers in a quivering voice that is breaking my heart. "It's not you…it's me. I don't doubt you, and I never did…I only doubt myself. I'm sorry for what I just said, it was a low blow…and I know it's not an excuse…but it stems from my own insecurity and uncertainty." She takes our joined hand to her mouth and lovingly kisses my knuckles.

"Half of the time I'm not even sure what I'm doing…I don't even know what to do…I want to be the perfect wife…I want to make you feel like you make me feel. I promise I will never bring it up again…I'm sorry I hurt you…"

"You are perfect for me Ana. You are the best fucking thing that ever happened to me. You are able to challenge and respect me at the same time. Since you came into my life…I can say with absolute certainty that I'm completely, and perfectly and incandescently happy. No one ever managed to bring out these feelings…I didn't even know I was capable of loving someone as much as I love you…"

"I feel the same…" She sobs and buries her face against my shoulder.

"You are perfect just the way you are. Do you have any idea how happy you make me?"

She clings to my shirt and her cries intensify. "Ana…I promise you that I have never been so happy. You make me feel alive."

"Do you still love me?" She asks with a tiny voice. I almost snort at her question. Then I think back at what I promised her when we got married.

"This is to refresh your memory baby; you are a part of everything I think and do and feel, and with you by my side, I believe that anything is possible. Because of you I laugh, smile and dare to dream again. You are and always will be the love of my life. I will love you without reservation, cherish you and hold you in the highest regard. I will support you and comfort you through life's joys and sorrows. I will encourage you, inspire you, and be honest and faithful to you. I will stand by your side in sickness and in health. I will hold your hand, and I will love you. I will love you. I will love you. These things I promise to you today, and all the days of our life." I whisper in her ear.

Ana slowly lifts her head from my chest and smiles at me through her teary eyes.

With her finger she traces the outside of my lips and then grazes with her hand over my stubble. Her hand finally ends on my chest, right above my heart.

"Christian, I'm sorry…I'm sorry about everything." She quickly grabs my fingers that I wanted to place over her lips to make her stop talking. Giving me a shy smile she says;

"Christian, you are the love of my life and I promise to let you know that every day. I promise to take care of you, to love you and appreciate you every day. Today I give you my deepest love and devotion. I will open my heart for you where you may find strength and love. I promise to love you unconditionally, even more tomorrow and the tomorrow after that and every tomorrow that will follow forever and ever. I will trust and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart and my love, from this day forward as long as we both shall live. I love you for all that you are, all that you have been and all that you have yet to be."

Without giving any regard to the people surrounding us I take Ana on my lap. I have no idea how long we have been sitting like this. There are no words needed at this moment, it's just us, enjoying each other's company. It's only when we see the sun set behind the Parthenon, also known as the "Temple of Athena" that we decide to go back to our room.

Back in our hotel room Ana has changed into a tank top and one of those amazingly sexy boy shorts. _And she thinks my dick is 'floppy' when she is around._

She has her feet on my lap while staring at the amazing view. The Parthenon be damned, because I can't take my eyes off my wife. Her hair is falling wildly along her face and shoulders, her plump lips are slightly wet from the water she is drinking and her skin is glowing. Suddenly she giggles and puts the cap back on her water bottle.

"Did you see the faces of that English couple with that little boy when we were sitting at that little restaurant?" Ana wiggles her toes so that I continue with my massage. _Demanding little thing._

I laugh when I recall that awful moment. Actually I think the little boy's parents wanted the be everywhere but there.

"Daddy why does my penis get hard sometimes?" I mimic the little boy with his adorable English accent. Ana laughs and shakes her head. "Geez, poor parents…situations like that have to be pretty awkward." Ana says and takes another sip from her water.

"I remember when Carrick told me about the birds and the bees…" I brush both hands over my face and smile. "I was fucking horrified…"

"Tell me…" Ana says and shifts in her chair.

"It was me actually who initiated that chat…"

"How old where you Christian?"

"I think about eight…anyway a few days before that horrendous talk with my dad I noticed for the first fucking time, that my little sister didn't have a penis…I mean I've had seen my mother change her diaper a thousand times before but it was then at that moment I realized that she didn't have anything dangling in between her legs…so I asked my mom what that was." Ana giggles and wiggles her feet again…impatiently. _Fuck, it's really true what they say…men can't multitask._

"As cool as a cucumber, my mother replied in her usual sweet voice that girls didn't have a penis but a vagina…however in my head it sounded like 'china' instead of vagina." I shrug and feel myself blush as Ana throws her head back and starts laughing. _I never liked the word vagina anyway._ When Ana is finished laughing I continue my story.

"I accepted her explanation at that time and went back playing. But three days later we received sex education at school ... if you could even call it that, because fuck Ana that talk only fueled my confusion. The teacher told us that a baby is made when the men's seed meets the woman's egg. Her explanation was clinical and cold."

"Aww little Christian was confused…" Ana mockingly says.

"Yeah…but I thought about it the entire day and then I decided to bite the bullet and ask my dad, because really my dad surely had to know right? My dad was working in his study. After knocking on his door I entered and sat down across from him in a huge chair. Then I asked him if he could spare five minutes. I think my dad was elated, you know I used to be very introvert and quiet. So my dad immediately shoved all his papers to the side and he even gave me something to drink…I remember feeling like a grown up, sitting in that amazingly big chair, orange juice in front of me…and add to that I was going to discuss a topic which was not only taboo but also extremely exciting ...this is how it went down:

" _Son you wanted to talk to me?"_

" _Yes, dad I have some questions."_

" _Go ahead Christian." My dad waved his hand in the air and leaned back against his brown leather chair. He was still wearing his reading glasses._

" _Well mommy told me the other day that boys have a penis and girls a china, but then I went to school and Ms. Sandra told us a few things about sex, but daddy there is something that has been bothering me…I can't figure it out."_

" _What is that son?"_

" _What is sex?" I took a sip from my orange juice and watched my father's face change from ecstatic to very uncomfortable in less than a second._

 _"Sex is a way that grown-ups show love_ _for_ _each other. It's also how people make babies. It's a special kind of snuggle."_

" _Oh okay…" Yuck! I thought at the time, but I was too curious to let this pass. I needed to know it was driving me crazy._

" _I know dad, Ms. Sandra told us that the perm and the egg collide and BANG! A baby is made…"_

 _My dad tried really hard not to smile, nevertheless I saw the corners of his mouth moving upwards._

" _First it's called sperm Christian…but Ms. Sandra is right. They meet inside the woman's body and form a baby. The woman keeps the baby safe in her uterus for nine months until the baby is ready to come out." My dad rambled._

" _But how does the sperm get into the woman's body dad…because that's the part I have trouble with understanding…"_

" _The man puts his penis in the woman's vagina." Double yuck! I still didn't understand entirely so I continued firing questions._

" _But how does the sperm knows that he needs to come out?" At that point I think my dad had reached his highest point of unease._

" _Well…" At this point my dad was shifting in his chair and he probably cleared his throat a thousand times before actually answering my question._

" _Well Christian, when a man and a woman have sex and the man has an orgasm he ejaculates, meaning that sperm comes out of his penis and finds his way to the woman's egg. The man's penis needs to be erect though."_

" _Erect? What is erect dad?"_

" _When your penis is erect it means that it's hard…" My dad probably saw the confusion written all over my face because he quickly continued; "That's called an erection. It means that extra blood goes into the penis. But don't worry; it isn't hurt or broken. It happens because you have an exciting thought, you've been rubbing it, you have to pee or sometimes for just_ _no reason. This also_ _means that your penis is working right. That's what penises do. It's okay. It will get soft again."_

 _So, that's what penises do? Awesome! But I don't rub my penis…that's stupid! Why would he even say that?!_

" _What's an orgasm dad?"_

" _An orgasm is a good feeling in the genital area. Men and woman can have them." My father answered very clinical. There's_ _a feeling of buildup and a release, sort of like when you sneeze."_

 _Really? A sneeze? Disgusting. I thought to myself._

 _I was silent for a while. Did I have all the information I wanted?_

" _Do you have any more questions Christian?"_

" _No, I think I have all the answers now dad…"_

" _Good, now one more thing; Sex is meant to be an enjoyable experience between grown-ups. Sex should happen only when both people want it_ _and_ _when it feels good to them. No one should force someone else do it. If you are ever in a situation where someone hurts you, speak up and make them stop. Then tell me or mom or another adult you trust."_

 _I looked at my dad with disgust. I was never, ever going to put my penis in a woman's china. Never. I could live with the fact that my penis had a life of its own by getting hard every now and then, but that only means that it's working as it should be. As long as it wasn't hurt or broken…because I didn't want a broken penis. The horror!_

Ana's giggle makes me look up. The expression on her face is a mixture of love and humor.

"That was really sweet Christian, and I have to say that your dad handled that remarkably well…"

"He did…I wish I had paid more attention when he pointed out that sex is an enjoyable and special experience between two grown-ups and that if I ever came in a situation where someone would hurt me, that I should tell my parents…"

"Don't go there Christian…" Ana stands up from her chair and sits on my lap. "We both know that there is nothing wrong with your penis by know, but why don't you show me how you put it into my china huh…"

"Can I sneeze? I promise I'll make you sneeze too…a couple of times…" I wiggle my eyebrows and follow Ana back into the hotel room.

"Sneezing is mandatory Mr. Grey…" Looking into my wife's extraordinary blue orbs I think back at my dad's words. Sex is indeed something special between a man and a woman. Sex, or better, making love something that I have only experience with Ana, something truly wonderful and amazing.

* * *

 **Author's note: Hi guys! First…thank you all so much for all your loving reviews! I was and still am flabbergasted in how the story is received!**

 **I haven't been able to respond to all of your PM's and reviews…first there was some kind of glitch on the FF site which made it impossible to see the reviews…then real life happened. I will try my best to get back at you as soon as possible.. I wanted to get this chapter out first…**

 **I know that I used to update Extraordinary twice a week…but I can't promise to update twice a week now…like I told you guys before I have changed jobs and work more hours, leaving me less time to write. I also have two kids and summer vacation started here in my country. Updating once a week I can promise though…**

 **Oh! I also made a Pinterest board to go with this story. You can find the link on my profile site. Check it out! I hope you all had a wonderful fourth of July celebration (if that's how it's called).**

 **And then last but definitely not least: Thank you hollylikes2write for recommending this story to your readers. It is very much appreciated.**

 **Let me know what you think of this chapter? It was fun to write especially Christian's talk with Carrick. Thank you! You rock!**

 **Alner**


	3. Chapter 3 - Greek Gods

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 3 – "Greek Gods"**

 **CPOV**

"Geez, those gods and goddesses from ancient Greece where really weird…" Ana states as she closes the book and places it on her lap. She giggles and wiggles her toes, silently urging me to continue massaging her feet which she has comfortably laying on my lap.

"Why is that?" Taking her left foot in my hand I continue massaging it gently. She has the cutest feet. Her toes are tiny and perfect, just like she is.

"For example, take Athena" Ana throws her arms in the air. "Athena was born from Zeus's head fully formed and armored. Can you believe that? And then we have Medusa…" she giggles and raises one eyebrow at me. "She gave birth to Pegasus from her neck when Perseus sliced her head." She rolls her eyes and leans her head on the matrass.

"And Aphrodite?" I ask.

With a sigh, she takes the book from her lap and starts searching for the right page. Then she begins to read.

"Aphrodite was the goddess of love, beauty, desire, sex, and pleasure. She was portrayed as a beautiful woman and of all the goddesses most likely to appear nude or semi-nude with very large breasts. Poets praise the radiance of her smile and her laughter."

Lowering the book she looks at me to gauge my reaction a small smile playing on her perfect lips.

"Very large breasts…let me see…do they have any pictures?"

"No" She throws the book halfway to the room and laughs. "There was this huge picture of a naked Adonis though…"

"So while I have been massaging your feet, you were ogling pictures of naked man?"

"Uh huh…" She replies with a grin on her face and a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Adonis was the god of beauty and desire…often portrayed naked due to his large..." Before she can finish her sentence I'm lying on top of her holding her hands above her head. Slowly I move my free hand to her belly and start tickling her. "Oh my God! Christian stop! Stop!" she is trying to push me away, but I'm too strong for her. "Now tell me naughty wife of mine…" I breathe against her neck making her squirm. "This Adonis fellow, was portrayed naked due to his large…" I blow a raspberry in her neck while she is squealing, laughing and giggling. When I lift my head from her neck to look at her, her eyes are shining with mischief.

"Well?" I raise my eyebrow. Stubborn as she is, she giggles and kisses the tip of my nose and shakes her head, pressing her lips together tightly.

"Are you sure?"

"Don't tickle me…" she giggles.

"Then tell me baby…what was so large about that Adonis god?"

"His nose…" she rolls her eyes and pries her hands out of my hold. I shift on my side and lean on my elbow.

"Why is it that you are always wearing my clothes?" I slowly open the three buttons of my shirt she is wearing and trail my finger between her breasts.

"I love wearing your shirts…" She replies shyly. "I love the way it smells, when I wear your shirts when you are not home I somehow feel connected and united with you…" She starts fidgeting with the hem of the shirt and shyly looks downs.

"And what else Anastasia? Don't be shy around me baby…tell me." I take her chin between my thumb and forefinger and make her look at me.

"It makes me feel sexy…" She says quickly.

"That's because you look sexy. I love seeing you in my shirts…it is sexy, in a teasing playful kind of way…"

Ana stares at me for what seems endlessly, rationally I know that only seconds have passed. She completely surprises me when she resolutely moves her hands to my shorts and slowly starts brushing her perfect fingers along my cock. It only takes a few seconds and my cock is hard as a rock. Her touch is bewitching, it doesn't matter how many times we have had sex during the last two and a half weeks, one single touch from her sets my body on fire. I can't get enough of her.

Impatiently I unbutton my shorts and push them down along with my boxer shorts. Moving my legs I shrug the pieces of cloths of. In the meantime Ana has discarded her tiny panties and has moved closer to me. We are now nose to nose, our breaths merging. Throwing her right leg over my hip she takes my dick in her hand and pumps a few times before pushing my length inside her warm folds.

"I love you so much Christian…" She moans against my lips while we are slowly making love.

She has no idea how much I love her. She has no idea that I would do absolutely everything for her. And it doesn't happen often, but I have lost all ability to speak. My thoughts are a jumbles mess of words. I'm just not able in forming a simple sentence. And it's all because everything altogether. Her closeness, her scent, her soft, sensual whimpers, the way her breasts peak out of her partially opened shirt. She is able to make me lose my mind.

"Harder…faster Christian…" Pushing her feet against my butt she is urging me to move faster. When I start pounding in her she cries out my name. "Christian!"

With every thrust my balls slam against her ass, bringing me closer to my release. The feeling is out of this fucking world. At the way she is digging her nails in my arm, I know she is close too.

Leaning with our foreheads against each other we both find our earth shattering release.

The moment we both come down from our high Ana open her beautiful eyes. A lazy smile has taken possession of her perfect face. "That was nice Mr. Grey…"

"Nice? Nice? Christ Ana that was fucking amazing…"

"Exceptionally nice." She replies sleepily and nestles her face on my chest. When I try to pull out of her she shakes her head. "No…I want you inside me…"

Who the fuck am I to complain? With her hand loosely draped over my waist, my beautiful wife submits to the exhaustion. And I get to savor her beauty. I have watched her so many times before while she was sleeping, but I never get tired of it. Her freckles, now far more prominent because of the sun, her skin lightly tanned by the Mediterranean sun, her lips full and beautifully shaped.

* * *

Blue worried eyes are staring at me when I open my eyes. I must have fallen asleep earlier. We are still laying in the same position, the only difference is the look on Ana's face. What's bothering her now? What's going on in that pretty head of hers?

"What is it?" She bites her lip in response and fuck, seeing those perfect white teeth sinking into that plump lip makes my dick twitch.

"I'm scared…" She finally whispers.

"Scared? Of what Ana?" Her brow furrows, forming that little v. She is obviously contemplating her response.

"What if you are right Christian? What if I'm really pregnant and those symptoms I'm experiencing have nothing to do with me stopping with the shot? And then what? Just imagine that I'm pregnant…what do we do? I mean I don't even know if I'm able to take care of a little baby…I sometimes can't even take care of myself, let alone a little helpless baby…what if I mess up? What if I turn out to be a horrible mother…?" The tears are now freely falling down her cheeks. "Don't get me wrong, because when I made the decision to stop with the shot I had thought about it for a long time. I analyzed everything…I really want to get pregnant and have a baby…your baby…but fact is that I'm scared shitless…like terrified to screw things up…" I silence her nervous rambling by placing my lips on hers. I cradle her head with both of my hands and brush my thumbs against her temples.

"I'm scared too Ana…" I confess.

"You are?" She replies astonished. Her wide eyes now searching my face for an explanation.

"I am…and I think it's perfectly normal. I've read that being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, but I'm sure that you will be a great mother. I have seen you with Sam, little Frank and Melissa…Ana you are wonderful. They love you. You have so much love to give…children adore you. And we are in this together you know? Like with everything else, I will be right by your side. We will go to all doctors' appointments together…decorate her or his room together, we'll go clothes shopping together… those nine months we will be glued to the hip…"

"But what if it's genetic Christian? What if being a bad mother is something that is passed on from one generation to another?"

"So what you're implying is that because…Ella was a drug addict and a bad mother, I automatically will be a bad father?"

"No…no! Of course not Christian how can you say that? I've seen you with Sam and Frank. God…Christian you are so loving and caring. You are going to be a wonderful father."

"Then what makes you different?"

At this moment her brain is working overtime to find an excuse to what would make her a horrible mother. But there isn't. I know that Ana will be the best mother a child could ever wish for. It's that poor excuse of her mother that planted these thoughts and insecurities in her system.

With a sigh, she looks at me. She blinks a few times with her eyes and smiles cautiously. This is her shy smile.

"Thank you…" she whispers. Placing a kiss on my mouth.

"Are you still scared?"

"I am…but not that scared-shitless anymore…but just a little bit. As long as we are together in this, we'll get through everything right?"

"Together baby…forever…"

My eyes wander to her flat stomach which I cover with my hand. "Shall I send Taylor to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test?"

Her head jerks up and her eyes are almost bulging out of her head. "No! God no…please I'm not ready to share this, whatever it is with anyone. Let's wait until we are back in Seattle okay?"

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes, I'd rather wait until we get home."

"Then that's what we'll do…but for now you are going to take that pretty little ass of yours in the shower, because I'm taking my wife out…"

"You are?"

"I am…now hurry…" I playfully swat her ass and then she surprises me by swatting mine while she jumps out of bed and hurries of to the shower. _What the fuck was that?_

 **APOV**

"It's beautiful here Christian. It's like a city within the city…" Christian smiles at me and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him.

"You are the one who is beautiful Anastasia…you look very, very pretty…red suites you baby."

"I feel pretty Christian…thank you." _It's true, Christian makes me feel pretty. He even makes me feel sexy._

"Open your mouth baby…" Christian is balancing a fork with Greek salad in front of my mouth. Our table is filled with all kinds of Greek delicacies, and I truly can't say what my favorite is. Everything is delicious. The tasty muffins filled with Kalamata olives, semi sun-dried tomatoes, spinach and feta. The Tzatziki, a delicious garlic yoghurt dip, mini gyro meatballs. Everything is to die for.

"Do you think you can make these at home?" Christian holds a Spanakopita Bite up before shoving the little bite in his mouth.

"Sure" I shrug. "It is filo pastry filled with spinach and cheese. It shouldn't be that difficult."

"I'll help you…" He gives me a lopsided smile and feeds me a meatball.

"I'll hold you to that Mr. Grey."

"I'm serious" Christian says after taking a zip from his wine. "I've been thinking about taking some cooking classes."

"Why?"

"Because when we have children I want to be able to take care of them properly. I don't want to depend on Gail or you. Besides wouldn't it be nice to prepare a delicious breakfast for my wife without poisoning her?" He rolls his eyes and relaxes back in his chair.

I couldn't love him more than I do at this moment. He wants to take classes so he is able to cook for our kids? How cute is that.

"What?"

"Nothing it's just…it's so sweet Christian…"

"Don't expect me to cook you a three course meal baby…just the basics. I don't want our kids to be hungry. They can never be hungry…" He stares at the distance and a flash of hurt passes his gray orbs.

"Our kids will never, ever be hungry Christian."

"I know…do you want dessert?" He asks clearly redirecting the conversation to something lighter.

I just stare at him. What a stupid question? Do you want dessert? Of course I want dessert. That's the best part of the meal!

"Do you want me to order a little bit of everything?" He suggest without awaiting my answer.

I nod eager at his brilliant suggestion. I have to contain myself not to clap in my hands and jump up and down in my chair with excitement.

"I'm going to miss this…" Christian says while taking his last bite of the mouthwatering peach blueberry Greek yoghurt cake. It's light and fluffy. In short; delicious.

"What the food?"

"No, this time together. Tomorrow we have to go back to Seattle. Back to work, back to phone calls, business meetings, nosy families…and less time together."

"It was perfect…thank you Christian, I couldn't have wished for a better honeymoon…but we can always come back right?"

"And we will Mrs. Grey…" Graciously Christian stands from his chair and extends his hand. "Ready for a lazy stroll Mrs. Grey?"

The Plaka in Athens is filled with little shops, restaurants or _Tavernas_ as they are called here.

"I love the atmosphere, it's so vibrant" I look around and despite the late hour, there are lots of people strolling through the cozy streets.

"Look" Christian points his long finger to a little art shop on the other side of the street. "Elephants"

"I like that one…" I point to a beautiful drawing of two big elephants. A tiny one is standing in the middle.

"That's my favorite too…"

As soon as we enter the shop we are almost knocked down by the intense smell of incense. _Ugh I hate this smell, it remembers me of the time I lived with my mother and husband number three in Vegas._ The shop is narrow and cramped and filled with a variety of drawings, paintings and various types of art. Probably all from local artists.

The woman behind the counter smiles friendly. She is probably my age, with beautiful long black hair and gorgeous almond colored eyes. She is very pretty.

Despite the fact that she eyes my husband with an almost ravenous look on her face, she's nice enough. _He's mine_. I think to myself. In addition, Christian is oblivious.

The ringing of a small bell sounds and suddenly an elderly lady appears from a back room

She is probably around fifty. Her long black hair is disheveled fastened in a ponytail. When she smiles at us I see her yellow teeth. Really yellow teeth and inappropriately placed tattoos. Like in the cleavage of her boobs or extending out from the corner of her eye to her hairline.

"Ti kanies?" She asks looking from me to Christian.

Then the younger woman softly says something to her. "Ah English?" She says pointing at us.

"American" Christian responds coldly.

While the younger woman is wrapping up the drawing we just bought, they remain talking softly. The older woman eyes often drift to me and then back to the younger woman.

"My mother asks if she can read your hand ..." The younger woman says in broken English.

"Uhm…I don't know…" I immediately drop my hands I had leaning on the counter, and start fidgeting with them.

"It's free" She continues. "My mother says you have a beautiful aura…"

"I do?" _Well shit. Now I'm curious._

"Ana, you know that it's complete bullshit right?" Christian says loudly. God, he can be so dense sometimes.

The older woman, clearly sensing my hesitation walks to the other side of the counter and takes my hands in hers. She jumps a little and quickly looks at the younger woman. Why is she looking so sad all of a sudden?

The old woman tightens her hold on my hands and a shiver runs down my spine. She then closes her eyes and while brushing her hands across my palms she starts humming some incomprehensible words.

She repeats this for a very long time. Her hands keep rubbing my palms, constantly at the same pace and she keeps muttering. To me it sounds all the same. But who knows?

With an eerie voice she begins talking. The younger woman translates it as if she was reading my hand herself.

"Books…I see books…" I giggle. We'll she nailed that, I think to myself.

"You have many worry lines." Again the woman is right. I worry…a lot. About everything.

"You are a stubborn and considerate person." I guess she is right about the first part.

"You are and adventurer… You are going to visit a lot of places and meet a lot of people. You are going to have a lot of stories at the end of your life…" _Interesting…I think._

The older woman breathing is quickening. Stopping every now and then. Her hands don't stop rubbing my palms though.

"Your marriage is happy and long…" Christian reacts for the first time. He chuckles.

Then the older woman's head snaps us. Her eyes are completely black. She looks downright scary. Unintentionally I take a step back, but instead of releasing my hands she holds them tighter and starts speaking faster and louder the seconds pass. I want to pull my hands away from this woman, she is scaring me. And somehow I get this horrible feeling in my body.

"Shades…shades! Shades is danger…danger…" The old woman yells. I'm really scared now and my heart is beating against my chest as if it's trying to escape. With as much force as I can muster I pull my hands away from her tight hold until my back hits a shelf. I hear and feel things falling on the floor, but the only thing I want is to get out of here as fast as possible.

"Stop…stop…" I whisper and run out of the little store. Christian is right on my heels. The woman is screaming at me to come back. That she wasn't finished yet.

"Ana are you all right?" Taking his hand I drag Christian away from that shop. I can still hear the woman screaming. From the corner of my eye I see Taylor and two other man I don't recognize entering the shop. Immediately the screaming ceases making me sigh with relieve.

"What the fuck was that Ana?" Christian has his arms wrapped around me, kissing my head.

"I don't know. She looked so scary Christian…her eyes…her eyes where completely black…I couldn't get away from her…I tried to pull away…" I say grabbing Christian's shirt.

"You're trembling baby…come sit down for a moment." With my head still buried in Christian chest I sit down in a chair. Christian crouches in front of me and starts peppering my face with little kisses.

A bottle of water magically appears in front of me. With trembling hands I take the bottle to my mouth and take a few sips. The feeling of the water sliding down my throat is refreshing. It would be nice if it would wash away the anxiety I'm feeling right now. I'm trying desperately to shake this unpleasant feeling off of me. God, I wish we had never entered that little shop.

"Ana that was an old, crazy woman…you don't believe anything that she said right?" Christian's voice is soft. Somehow there is an edge to it.

"I don't know…I just want to go. Please let's go back to the hotel…" I plead.

"Of course baby…"

I jump up when I hear Taylor's voice. "Sir, a word please." Taylor's eyes briefly dart to mine. I see concern and anger flashing through his brown eyes.

"Not now Taylor…" Christian roughly dismisses Taylor. Not even looking at him.

Engulfing my face in his hands Christian stares at me for the longest time. "Ana, believe me it's superstitious shit…everything she said to you is explainable. First, the books. Who isn't surrounded by books? For example, Elliot despises to read, yet he has his office at Grey Construction filled with books, admitted they are all work-related but they are books non the less…so do I and so does my dad…as for you being stubborn and compassionate. Baby, those are the most common character traits in a person. It's complete bullshit what she was spouting at you."

"You're right…you are absolutely right Christian…" He didn't see her face though or the crazy way her eyes turned before she started yelling at me. I'm sure Christian is right. He has to be…I mean I know nothing know by "Shades" so why would that cause any danger to me? It just doesn't make any sense.

 **CPOV**

The past three weeks have flown by. I have to admit that it was a wonderful honeymoon. Aside of a few disagreements and a few quarrels here and there, everything was plain sailing. Besides, married couples quarrel right? Furthermore, I don't think I've had so much sex in my life. At one point I seriously thought my dick was going to fall off from over usage.

While sitting on the balcony, I watch Ana through the partially opened doors that lead to the bedroom. She is packing our suitcases for our flight tomorrow back home. When I offered to help her, she made me wait five fucking minutes before I got her reply. She first needed to recover from laughing her little nice ass off. _I can pack a fucking suitcase!_

I can't guarantee that the clothes will be neatly folded, but fuck that's not the essence of _packing_ a suitcase right? My wife sees it differently. Before almost pushing me out of the room, she first pulled me down by the collar of my shirt and whispered in my ear to wait for her naked. _Naked I can do._

Watching my wife with a smile on her face, silently humming some undefinable song while she is neatly folding our clothes and placing them in our suitcases is …comforting and serene.

Serenity that's what my beautiful wife is emitting right this moment. Unfortunately I know that close to the surface her body is still reeling about the encounter with that old woman in the little shop.

Ana disappears from my view and slowly my gaze wanders off into the distance where the Acropolis is standing proud atop the hill. One of the conditions I had before I booked this hotel, was that it had to have a breathtaking view. I was pleasantly surprised. Hotel Grande Bretagne has astonishing views of the Acropolis, Regal Syntagma Square, the Parliament, Lycabettus Hill and the original Olympic Stadium.

I'm interrupted from my reverie by my wife's beautiful voice. "Christian, can you come here a minute, I need your help…"

Naked as she so eloquently told me, I stand up from my seat and walk into the bedroom. She isn't in the bedroom so I continue my search following the dulcet sounds of her voice. I break my stride when I enter the sitting area and see my wife sitting naked on the back of the brown, leather Chesterfield sofa. Her long brown hair falling in waves over her straight, narrow back. Shyly she looks over her shoulder and smiles. With her index finger she gestures me to come closer. _Oh baby, your wish is my command._

Not wasting any time I walk towards her until I'm standing in front of her, but I don't touch her. Her eyes wander over my body. Her lower lip is clamped between those perfect teeth. As her gaze stills on my cock she releases her lip and moistens her lips.

A slight blush spreading across her sun tanned skin.

"Do you like what you see Anastasia?"

"Oh yes…" She replies huskily.

"What do you want baby?"

"You…I want you…"

"Are you wet?" I ask her and take a step forward.

She nods her head and swallows visibly.

"Show me…" I demand.

Slowly she moves her right hand to her sex where she slowly starts circling her clit. My eyes are transfixed on her hand. Throwing her head back she moans when she pushes a finger inside her pussy. Watching my wife touching and pleasuring herself is one of the sexiest things I have ever seen. After a few seconds she withdraws her finger and shows it to me. Watching me through hooded eyes.

I gruffly take her petit hand in mine and lick her finger clean. "You taste so good Anastasia…so sweet…it's a sin to let that go to waste."

I lift her up from the couch. Her breasts brushing against my chest, her warmth and wetness radiating against my erect, pulsing cock and her face hidden in my neck where she starts leaving a trail of wet kisses until she reaches my mouth. "I am going to make you come so many times and so fucking hard that you will be screaming my name…"

Arriving at the bedroom I let myself fall on the bed with my wife still in my arms. "I want you to face the wall Ana and sit on my face. While you hold on to the bedpost I want you to fuck my face." She gasps and her face turns into puce. Biting her lip she shift her body until she is sitting like I told her to. I now have the most amazing view of her wet dripping core.

As she slowly starts moving, I begin to suck, lick and blow. She is moaning and softly whispering my name...

It doesn't take very long, when she starts moaning and whimpering louder, her movements becoming faster and erratic. And while having a strong hold on her butt cheeks she spectacularly comes all over my face screaming my name.

Not wasting any time I quickly shift positions until my back is leaning against the bedpost. Ana's back is firmly pressed against my chest, her legs spread, firmly hold in place by mine. She has wrapped her arms around my neck and moving her pelvis to the movements of my fingers massaging her clit. "Christian!" She cries out when I push two fingers inside her wet core and start sliding in and out of her. Her wetness is dripping down from my fingers as I relentlessly keep pushing my fingers inside her. With my other hand I start rubbing her clit. "Oh god…oh fuck…Christian please…" Her tiny hands are gripping my hair at the nape of my neck when she starts bucking against my hand. "Christian…don't stop…I'm coming…"

She lets her arms fall from my neck until they are laying limb against my thighs. _I'm not ready yet._

"Get on all fours Anastasia…" She complies, albeit a little disorientated. "I want you to lean on your elbows and stick that pretty ass of yours out baby…" Softly massaging her back she does as I've asked her.

"If you feel uncomfortable or want me to stop, just say the word Anastasia and I'll stop immediately." She nods her head and widens her legs a bit more. With my fingers I spread her wetness all the way to her butt. Ana stiffens slightly, but immediately relaxes when I kiss her between her shoulders. "This is going to be very intense baby…" I kiss her all the way to her neck until I reach her ear, which I start licking. "I am going to push my pinky finger in here…" Again I brush my finger against her butt, but linger a little bit longer." Ana moans and takes hold of the sheets. Her knuckles white.

"Do you want this Ana? You can always say no baby…"

"Yes…I want this…is…is it going to hurt?" She has her neck craned looking at me.

"It won't hurt Ana…I promise you…do you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you…" She whispers lazily.

 **APOV**

Gripping the sheets of the bed with both hands I close my eyes for what is to come. I trust my husband with my life, but it doesn't mean that I'm not scared. While Christian is peppering sweet little kisses on my back I feel his penis pressed between my cheeks. I didn't think that my attempt in seducing my husband would turn out like this. However, I should of know by now how he is wired. Always in control.

I feel him shifting and now his erect member is brushing against my folds…slowly…teasing. His hands are massaging my breast, pinching my nipples in the process.

"Christian…please…"

"You are so beautiful Ana…you're perfect. Your skin flawless and soft, your scent is simply intoxicating…you are pure perfection."

Slowly he pushes inside of me, filling me completely. Christian's breathing is haggard as he kisses me between my shoulder blades. "I can't get enough of you baby…" He releases one breast and caresses my body until he has reached my butt.

"Now relax Ana…when you feel my finger pressing try to relax…"

My heart is beating hard, my face buried in the expensive sheets, when I feel his finger making circular motions against the forbidden spot…until I feel him pushing his finger inside me. "Relax Ana…I promise you that you are going to enjoy this…"

The first thought that enters my mind is that I feel full. His dick inside me and his finger now completely filling me. He starts moving and I can't convey in words the feelings and emotions surging through my body. Christian his finger slowly moving, his dick, his hand on my breast. It's almost too much.

"Fuck Ana…I'm going to start moving baby…are you all right?"

"Yes…yes…just move…"

And he does. I'm feeling everything at the same time, it is almost too much. Every time Christian pushes his dick inside me I feel him hitting my g-spot. It's almost uncomfortable, but on the other hand... it actually is a wonderful feeling.  
"Ana ..." Christian moans. "Ana…baby…I don't know how much longer I can hold…"

And then the know so familiar feeling starts building and it is so powerful, so exhilarating that it feels as if I'm going to pass out. Only seconds later I feel Christian stilling and shuddering behind me, his face heavily leaning between my shoulder blades, silently muttering my name as a mantra.

* * *

 **A/N: Here is the link to the Pinterest page. Somehow it doesn't show on my bio-page and believe me it is there, but it doesn't show! Strange, I know… even though I've tried to change it several times. I'm sorry but when it comes to computers…I really have no clue. If someone knows how I can change it…please PM me.**

 **Note that you must remove the spaces ;-)**

 **Alner**

 **nl. pinterest 1974alner /wish /**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 4 - Seattle**

 **APOV**

Gently the rain is trickling down the window of our Escala apartment. I always loved the rain. I find it calming. Rain also reminds me of my time in Montesano where I lived with Ray. I remember sitting in the nook of the window, with a book. The very fact that I could read a book or just stare out the window, without being yelled at was calming. But the fact that Ray was always there for me gave me a sense of safety.

Next to me, my more than attractive husband is snoring softly, while I've been lying awake for more than one hour, dividing my attention by silently staring at the ceiling and at the floor to ceiling windows in our bedroom. I actually really need to use the toilet. I've been postponing it, because I know Christian is instantly going to wake up, since he has his left arm tightly wrapped around my belly.

We arrived about ten hours ago in Seattle, where Christian romantically carried me over the threshold. A very wise thing to do, in our case, since in earlier times people believed that a bride who tripped over the threshold of her new home would irrevocably bring bad luck to her home and marriage.

After opening a ridiculously expensive bottle of champagne, which he had bought specially for today, we toasted to our marriage and our future together. He then carried me to our bedroom where we made love for hours.

I was worried that we would have a complete welcoming committee present when we arrived, fortunately they think we are returning today instead of yesterday. _Very smart thinking Christian._

I am going to get used again in sharing this apartment with Taylor, Gail and Sawyer. Even though they have their own quarters, they still live here. I hope we can arrange something when we start rebuilding our house at the Sound. Because no matter how much I love Gail and how pleasant her company is, I don't want to worry constantly about bumping to someone when I'm in my own home.

I just want to walk into my own kitchen, grab something from the fridge without Gail asking me if there is something she can do for me. She doesn't have to serve me on hand and foot.

It makes me feel uncomfortable, moreover I'm quite capable in doing things myself.

Without releasing me Christian shifts and ends up with his head on my stomach. The beard now adorning his face which also makes him look even manlier than he already was, tickles. I have to stifle a giggle. He is facing me and he looks absolutely adorable. His hair is the usual mess though, what makes this so funny is his mouth. His perfectly sculptured mouth is due to his position pressed together in a cute pout. A little bit of drool is slowly making its way down to my stomach.

As carefully as possible I take my phone from the night stand and take a few pictures. Since I really need to use the bathroom, more now since his head is pressing down on my blather, I start brushing my fingertips through his copper hair.

"Good morning" I whisper while my fingertips keep massaging his head. I know he loves this.

"Morning baby…" _Shit his voice sounds husky and utterly sexy._ While he stretches, the duvet shifts exposing his taut muscular ass. The muscles on his back visible with every little move he makes. God, and he is mine!

Lifting his head, Christian sheepishly wipes the drool from his face and moves to place the sweetest kiss on my lips. His expert hands move to my breast, but before he can actually touch them I jump out of our bed and run to the bathroom.

When I return back to our bedroom I find my husband sprawled out on our bed, gloriously naked, with only his head covered with a pillow.

I can do two things, I realize when I'm standing by the bed, again watching my husband's fine ass. One, I can go to the kitchen and start with breakfast or I can crawl back with my husband in bed.

"This is not the time to overthink things Ana…come back to bed with me baby…"

"How did you know…?"

Throwing the pillow on the floor Christian lift his head and watches me amused. He simply shrugs and pats the empty place on the bed. "I just know my wife…"

I don't know why I feel so happy about this casual remark, but it really makes me feel happy…ecstatic even. Christian really knows me. I feel so cherished and loved right now that I feel the tears prickling behind my eyes. Blinking my eyes rapidly I push them away and as seductively as possible I crawl back into my man's open arms.

 **CPOV**

"What do you think Grace is going to say about your beard?" Ana lovingly brushes her hands through my beard and smiles.

"I don't know and truthfully I don't care"

"Your mother hates beards Christian."

"Ana I couldn't give two flying fucks about what my mother thinks about my beard. Whose opinion matters to me is yours, my wife, who happens to like it…and actually I hate to shave, so this is a win-win." I shrug and look at my wife's beautiful face. Admitting she looks somewhat pale and tired, but I blame the jetlag. With her small hand clasped in mine, my thumb grazing over her knuckles, I gaze out of the window. My mind drifts back to the conversation we had yesterday right before we landed in Seattle.

 _Flashback_

" _Christian"_

" _Yes, baby." Her hands fidgeting. Her lip clasped between her teeth. That little 'v' present on her forehead. Worrying. My wife was worried._

" _I know we agreed on doing a pregnancy test when we got back in Seattle…" Silence._

" _Yes…Ana just say it." Her bluer than blue eyes, now apprehensively looking at me._

" _Would you mind if we waited? A few more days…a week maybe?" She added quickly. Her eyes looking at the table._

" _Why?"_

 _I see Ana taking a few deep breaths, I know that my wife is struggling with something. Why is she so anxious?_

 _I knew that she was afraid of my reaction. The outstretching silence. The constant fidgeting with her hands. I don't want her to be afraid of my reaction._

" _It's okay Ana…tell me what you are worried about…"_

" _I don't even know Christian. I can't seem to figure it out in my head…how do you think I can put my thoughts into words?" She whispers looking out of the window._

" _If you want to wait, then we will wait Ana…we will take this at your pace…"_

" _Thank you." Briefly taking her eyes from the window she looked at me. I didn't know what to make out of the emotions running through her eyes. Was it fear? Doubt? All I knew at that exact moment, was that my wife needed those few extra days. A few days I could manage. For her, I'd do anything…_

I am taken out of my musings by the most adorable sneeze I have ever heard.

"What was that?"

Shyly she looks at me and shrugs. "I sneezed…"

"Are you cold?"

"No. not cold. I think I will have to get used to the difference in temperature…" In the meantime she is looking through her purse for what I assume is a tissue. _Impossible to find anything there. Christ, she carries a bunch load of shit in those bags._

"Here" I say and offer her my handkerchief.

When she is finished I see my handkerchief disappearing into her purse.

"Thank you." Entwining her hands she leans her head against the leather seat and closes her eyes.

"Are you tired?"

"Just a little…" she replies with her eyes closed. "My husband kept me up the biggest part of the night" she smirks and playfully opens one eye.

"You look beautiful…I've never seen you wear this before. What's it called?" I ask.

Opening both of her eyes. The smile and playfulness have disappeared from her face.

"It's called a jumpsuit…" She fidgets with the fabric and looks back at me. "I've had it quite some time now…it was one of the last things Ray bought for me…" There is a small smile playing on her lips.

"I remember that day…" She muses. "Ray hated shopping, but he did that for me you know…he would wait patiently while I fitted every item, giving me his honest opinion…"

"What did he say when you tried this on?"

"That I looked like a grown woman, that I wasn't his little girl anymore." Her voice falters and she squeezes my hand. "I told him I would always be his little girl…and I promised him that I would wear this outfit when I had my first job interview and so I did…" I'm lost for words. I don't know what to say or do right now. She sounds so calm, but I know that she is fighting her emotions.

"You know, my sweet sixteen party…" she smiles and shakes her head. "My dad planned it for me…he was completely out of his depth…all those girls…and boys."

"That was sweet of him." I say.

"Yes, it was. Considering he was taking a high risk. I never enjoyed celebrating my birthday…"

"Why?"

Her head moves so freaking fast and suddenly that I honestly think she has hurt herself.

"My birthday was never celebrated Christian…I don't think my mother felt right to celebrate something that only brought her grieve, annoyance and burden…"

I meet Sawyers eyes in the rearview mirror. _Shock._ He too is fucking shocked.

"You never celebrated your birthday Ana? Never got any presents?"

"At first when Carla and Ray where still married I did…there where presents and cake…and my…Carla would buy me a pretty dress…" She shrugs and looks at me. "Everything changed when we moved to Vegas Christian…you know that."

Ana takes the handkerchief from her bag and wipes her nose clean. "Ray and I would always celebrate though…but just the two of us. He always made sure to order the biggest chocolate cake. He would buy me presents, mostly books…and then he would take me out to dinner or we would barbeque…it was perfect."

"Your birthday is in a few weeks…" I carefully remind her.

"Don't I know it!" She says flashing me a smile.

"What do you want to do?" Because I don't think she would want what I have in mind. If she doesn't like to celebrate her birthday.

"I don't care. My birthday is just like any other day…besides my birthday falls on a weekday…we'll have to work…" I suppress a snort. If she thinks I will let her birthday pass just because it falls on a weekday, then she is clearly mistaken. My wife's 23th birthday will be unforgettable. I know I can't make up for all those lost years, without celebrating her birthday…but I promise that from now one I will make it a mission to make all her birthdays memorable.

"Don't do crazy things Christian, and since you asked…the best way to spend my birthday this year would be with you…"

"We are here Sir…" Sawyer says and steps out of the car to open my door.

"There you are…don't you look beautiful." My mother gushes at the door. Her arms wide open to welcome …Ana.

"Christian…what happened to your face?" She says while looking me up and down.

"Don't you think he looks handsome?" Ana says smiling.

"Of course he does…" My mother quickly agrees with Ana. Of course she does. She loves her like her own. And secretly I think my mother likes my beard, it's just that she somehow needs something to rile me up.

I don't know why I'm surprised when I'm left alone in the hallway. My mother and Melissa have dragged Ana to the living room where they are firing different questions in her direction.

"Tell me Ana how was Greece? Was is warm…please tell me you made pictures…Ana can I spend next weekend with you guys?"

My dad comes smiling into the hall way. "Welcome home son…come on in. Your brother and Megan will be here shortly."

* * *

Since my mother, Melissa and Megan are sitting around Ana, there is nothing else for me to do then take a seat on the couch across from my wife. I think we did well in coming over to have lunch with my parents. Ana is smiling and she has finally some color back on her cheeks.

Anger flashes through me when I recall what Ana just told me in the car about not caring to celebrate her birthday. _Her mother really is a piece of shit._

I know I never wanted to celebrate mine, even as a little boy…but Grace was adamant about it. A birthday was something that should be celebrated. At the time I didn't understand her…why would she want to celebrate the birth of a bastard's son? I understand it now…and frankly I'm glad she did.

I don't recall celebrating my birthday when I still lived in Detroit. I don't remember ever getting presents. The few good memories I have, even though very vague are about watching a cake getting baked in the oven. I remember my mother looking happy. Maybe it was my birthday that day. Maybe she decided not to get high and celebrate her son's birthday. Maybe, for once she put my needs first instead of hers. Maybe…just maybe.

 **APOV**

I really need to get used to the bustle and noise again after having spent three lovely, relaxed and amazing weeks alone with Christian. I excused myself ten minutes ago to use the bathroom. I'm now standing in the hallway looking at the pictures. I notice that Grace has added more pictures. There are now pictures from Melissa too and even several from Christian and me together.  
"Hey"

"Hi Megan… are you all right? You look pale…"

"Actually I'm not all right Ana…do you have a few minutes please?" God. What's wrong with her? She looks so nervous.

"Sure…" Grabbing my elbow she pulls me into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.

"Megan…what's wrong…did you and Elliot have a fight?"

"No, but I'm sure we will be."

"Why?" I've never seen Megan look so scared before. Her face is pale as a ghost and before I know it she is sitting on the floor sobbing. Her face buried in her hands.

"Megan…sweetie…talk to me please…"

"I've messed up Ana… God everything is a mess right now…"

"What is Megan… you are talking in riddles…"

I slide next to her on the floor and clean her face with Christian's handkerchief. "Ana…I think…" She doesn't get the chance to finish her sentence. She starts crying again. Her hand has a steel grip on my hand.

"Megan…calm down…are you sick?" I whisper and brush the hairs from her face.

"I…I think…I'm pregnant…" Her eyes, huge but full of fear are now looking at me. Gauging my reaction. _Well, shit no wonder she is such a mess._

"You think?" I shift to sit more comfortably. I think we'll be stuck here for a while…that is until Christian comes looking for me.

She just nods her head and crumbles Christian's handkerchief in her hand.

"Did you take a pregnancy test?"

"I'm afraid…I'm so afraid Ana… what if I am pregnant? I mean Elliot and I …"

"Elliot loves you Megan…"  
"I know…I know he does…he is the best…"

"Then what is it?"

"I'm afraid to what his reaction is going to be. I don't think Elliot is ready to have kids…neither am I to be honest. Ana…I'm 23 years old!"

"Megan…before you start worrying yourself with 'what if's' I think it's best to take a pregnancy test.

"Will you stay with me?" With trembling hands she takes a small carton box from her handbag…and then another one…and another one. _She came prepared. Can't argue that!_

"You can't say anything to anyone Ana…oh my God if I am pregnant Carrick will lose his shit again…" With the test clutched in her hands Megan starts crying again.

I carefully take the tests from her. "First take the test Megan…then we will figure out what to do next."

She completely ignores me and continues rambling. "And my parents Ana…you know my parents." _Yes, I do. Extremely caring and sweet although very catholic, conservative and very, very protective of their only daughter._

"Just take the test Megan and with all due respect you are a grown woman, you and Elliot have been living together now for months, it's your life Megan."

Numbly she nods. Poor Megan. She looks terrified. Turning around to give her some privacy I face the off-white tiles of the bathroom. "Don't listen to me pee Ana…" Megan giggles and I giggle along with her. _Geez, I'm nervous too._

In a much exaggerated manner I take both hands to my ears and start singing softly.

"Ana!" I hear Megan hiss.

"What?"

"You are scaring my pee with the singing…don't sing just cover your ears…"

"Scaring your pee? Gee thank you Megan…" I reply sarcastically.

I hear her nervous giggling. God. I would be terrified too. I hope that if she is pregnant, that Elliot doesn't flip. And I don't think Carrick would say anything if it where the case. I think he values his life and his marriage with Grace. Not so sure how her parents are going to react though.

I jump up when there is loud banging on the door. "Ana! Ana…are you in there?"

"Yes, we will be right out…"

"We? Who the fuck is in there with you?" Christian yells and I see the door handle moving up and down.

I roll my eyes and sigh. "It's Megan…just give us a few more minutes Christian…please…"

"Are you sick Ana? Because if you are sick I will force this door open…"

"I'm not sick Christian…please…ten minutes…go back to your parents and your brother."

"My brother is looking for Megan…he went to the boathouse…"

"Go and find him and tell him she will be back in ten minutes…will you do that for me?"

"Fine Ana…ten minutes…"

A few seconds pass and there is another knock on the door. "Ana?"

"Yes Christian?" I can't help my voice sounding annoyed but shit ten minutes, I only asked for ten minutes not ten days!

"Uhm…it's just that my mom won't cut the cake until you are both back…its chocolate…hurry…"

"Bye Christian…"

"Can I finally pee now?" Megan asks exasperated.

"You still haven't peed?"

"Excuse me Mrs. Grey…but I can't pee when your husband is standing on the other side of the door."

"Just pee already Megan…"

"So now we wait?" I ask an anxious looking Megan.

"Yeah…" She squeaks. Her eyes darting from the test laying neatly on the sink to me.

"How long?"

"Five…" She clears her throat. "Five fucking long minutes."

"Relax Megan…" She looks at me as if I completely lost it. Honestly those words sounded better in my head.

"I can't relax Ana…" She hisses while the tears starts falling from her eyes. "Elliot isn't ready for kids…he told me so. He is so immersed in his job."

"Come here" I pull her against me and cradle her head with my hand. "You will see that it will turn out right in the end…"

We both jump up when we hear the alarm from Megan's phone go off. Holding me tighter she whispers in my ear.

"You look Ana…please I can't look…"

"Megan…"

"Ana, please…"

Turning my head I peak at the three tests. Oh shit. Oh shit…this just got real…all three tests are positive.

"Ana…?"

"Megan…you are pregnant…" I whisper.

I expected her to cry, yell, faint. Hell I expected everything. However, she only whispers a faint okay in my ear and detangles herself from me. Turning to the sink she takes the tests and throws them in a bag. She washes her hands and starts redoing her make-up. What the hell is happing to her?

"Megan…do you want me to get Elliot?"

"No…" She answers shortly.

"Megan, you are going to tell Elliot right?"

"Of course. Please don't say anything to Christian, I'm sure he will hear it soon enough…"

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Can you turn back time Ana?" She sneers.

"I'm sorry Megan…I just wanted to help."

"Well you can't…what am I going to do know Ana? I have no job, no money…fuck this is fucked up…I knew it was wrong to move in with Elliot without having a job and my own income…now nobody will hire me…" I don't know if she is realizing that she is talking out loud. Her eyes are fixated on the floor.  
"Don't worry about money Megan…"

She snorts and her face turns towards me. Her eyes blazing with anger. "Well I do worry about money Ana, because unlike you I don't have a rich grandmother who left me millions…and I certainly don't want to become a charity case. Don't worry I'll manage to take care of my baby…" With that she turns around walking out of the bathroom. I'm stunned and her words hurt. Sure, she is in shock, but I only wanted to help her.

I quickly throw the empty cartons from the pregnancy tests in my bag and leave the bathroom. Before I walk into the kitchen, I put a smile on my face. _Here we go._

"Hey there you are! Finally!" Elliot booms. "Cake! Cake! Cake!" he is slamming his hands on the kitchen counter yelling for cake. He is a little kid himself.

Christian is eying me closely. "You all right?"

"Yeah…I'm fine." _But you are becoming an uncle because Megan just found out that she is pregnant and she is freaking the fuck out._

"Sis, where's Megan? I thought dickhead here told me that you were in the bathroom together? What the hell is that anyway? Why do chicks go to the bathroom together?"

"Megan isn't here?" I ask looking around in the kitchen.

"Elliot…I…I think Megan left…she was quite upset…"

"She has been acting weird for a few days now…" He brushes his hands through his hair.

"What's wrong with her? Did she tell you?"

"Just go and find her…she can't be far…I thought she was coming back in here, but apparently she had another idea…go Elliot please…"

I practically shove him to the front door.

"Ana…fuck what's wrong? You're scaring the fuck out of me here!"

"Elliot you can't drive…" Grace says sternly. "You've had too much to drink…"

"Come Elliot, I'll take you." Christian offers. He turns to me and looks at me with his intense stare.

"Will you be all right baby?"

"Sure…I'll wait here okay?"

"Love you…"

"Love you too… now go…"

Surprisingly either Carrick or Grace mention Megan's disappearance. _Thank God for that!_ Instead Grace offers me her delicious chocolate cake which we eat in comfortable silence.

"How is Mia doing?" I ask because the silence is just too much. My minds is drifting off to Megan, and how she has to be feeling right now.

"Oh she calls every now and then." Grace replies smiling. "She sent me some pictures of the apartment she is sharing."

"Can I see?"

"Of course darling, let me get my phone…" Gracefully she stands from the chair and leaves the kitchen.  
"Ana…" Carrick starts hesitantly. I lift my eyes to meet his. "Is Megan ill?"

"No" I shake my head to emphasize that she isn't sick. _Just pregnant._

"Good." He answers relieved. He takes a piece of chocolate cake but keeps staring at me.

Just when Carrick wants to ask me another question Grace comes walking into the kitchen, smiling.

 **CPOV**

"Ana, just tell me what that was all about" I demand. Ana is combing her hair while I'm pacing the room.

"I promised to Megan I wouldn't Christian, please don't make me break that promise." I can see that she is struggling to keep this away from me, so I don't press any further. We didn't have to drive very far before we found Megan, she was at the end of the driveway. We then almost had to force her to get in the car. She looked like shit, and even though Elliot begged her to tell her what was wrong, she didn't. She didn't cry, she didn't yell…nothing. She was staring blankly out of the window while I drove them to their apartment. Not knowing what the fuck is going on and why Megan was so upset is killing me, so I try again.

"Did my brother hurt her?"

"No"

"Is she sick?"

"No"

"Fuck Ana…"

Without uttering one word Ana comes walking up to me and firmly plants her hands on my chest.

"But she said something to you that upset you am I right?"

"Yes, but she didn't mean it. She was feeling…" Ana looks around the room, looking for the right word. "Out of control…the Megan I know doesn't have a mean bone in her body Christian…you know that."

"Out of control?"

"Please Christian…please…don't make this harder than it already is. They need to work something out. I'm sure Elliot will tell you as soon as he is ready…" Her face crumbles and she sneezes again. Fuck. Is she getting sick?

"Are you feeling sick Ana?" She laughs. She is laughing at me. _Again._

"Are you asking me if I'm feeling sick because I sneezed?" She asks in this high pitched voice.

"You sneezed twice Ana. Once in the car and now again…"

"You're sweet Christian. But to answer your question, I feel perfectly fine." Pushing her hands through my pajama pants she squeezes my butt.

"How late are we leaving tomorrow for work?" She asks softly. I have to admit. She is good. She is really good. Her hands slowly moving to my front where she runs her fingers against my cock.

For a split second my mind goes blank and the only thing I feel are her fingers. She pushes my pants down until they are lying at my feet.

Without breaking eye contact she kneels down in front of me and starts licking my balls. "Oh fuck…"

"What time are we leaving Christian…?"

"You can't stop now baby…" I whine. She licks my cock from my balls to the purple looking head until she envelops her perfect mouth around it at sucks…hard.

"Oh fuck…"

"How late Christian…" Her hands are holding my ass. Her fingernails softly digging into the flesh.

"Eight…Eight o'clock…"

"We are leaving together for work at eight o'clock?" She hums against her dick. The vibrations shooting directly to my brain, craving for more.

When I don't react right away, she leans back and just stares at me. _Amused. Daring. Cocky._

"Yes…yes you and me together baby…but please…you can't leave me hanging like this…"

A triumphant giggle escapes her beautiful mouth and she takes my cock back into her mouth, the tip hitting the back of her throat. "Oh fuck Ana…that feels good baby…" I flex my hips and start fucking her mouth.

One of her hands move to the base of my dick where she presses lightly. My hand finds her nipple which I start squeezing through the thin fabric of her night gown. She moans making the sounds reverberate from my dick to my brain. And just as I'm about to explode the shrill sound of my phone sounds through the bedroom. Ana tenses and immediately releases my dick. "Pick up the phone Christian." She is still sitting on her knees, her blue eyes urging me to fucking move. But I can't move…how in hell does she think I'm able to move? Fuck! I was so fucking close.

"Christian, that's probably Elliot…"

"Fucking cock blocking son of a bitch. I'd better be good…" I mutter.

"Grey!" I snap.

"Mr. Grey, I'm sorry to disturb you, but your brother is standing downstairs…probably intoxicated."

"I will be right there Sawyer…" I end the call and brush my hands through my hair, roughly pulling at the ends.

"It's Elliot, he is downstairs at the lobby. Sawyer thinks he's drunk."

"Well hellooo" Elliot slurs as he comes swaying into the great room. His shirt hanging out of his pants. He has a large damp patch on the front of his shirt and his knuckles are bloody.

"Elliot" Ana whispers. "What have you done?"

"If it isn't…the happy couple…" Squinting his eyes he looks at both of us. He then closes and opens his eyes a couple of times and shakes his head. "Fuck for one moment I thought there were four of you!" He holds three finger up in the air. "Two Ana's I can handle…" he hiccups and grins. "Two dickheads would be the death of me…" He sniggers at his own joke and makes his way to the couch bumping his leg against the table.

"Elliot what happened?" Ana is standing next to him with the first aid box in her hands.

"Get me something to drink little brother…not water…something strong…"

"Elliot what the hell happened" Ana asks again, her voice rising with every word.

"Fuck Ana…don't scream…it hurts my ears…" He touches his head and then clumsily points at his ears. "I have very sensitive little ears little sis…"

"Christian get me a wet cloth." Ana says while inspecting Elliot's hand. "Elliot Grey, I'm going to count to three and if you don't tell me what happened…" Ana is quiet for a while.

"Then what?" Elliot provokes her smugly.

"Then I will have to call Grace…"

"No…no…no you can't call Grace…promise me Ana…" He whisper-yells.  
"I'm not promising anything until you tell me what happened that caused your hand to look like…like this…"

"I am going to tell you, just give me a minute… Ana…" Elliot drags her name out, annoyingly so.

"Now Elliot!" Ana demands.

"Demanding little thing you have on your hands Christian…" he slurs again. Sober Elliot is funny a drunk Elliot is annoying as fuck.

Ana slaps the wet cloth against his face making him look at her in complete shock. "Aw Ana…you hurt me…" He rubs his hand on the place Ana just hit him with the cloth and sits up straighter. That is, he is making an attempt.

Then my brother starts laughing hysterically. "Do you know how we called Grace when she started to count to three?" He is trying to focus his gaze on Ana, but he is failing miserably. He can barely keep his eyes open. "How did you call your mother Elliot…" Ana says rolling her eyes. Bad habit baby, but understandingly considering the circumstances.

"A MOMSTER!" He shouts.

"A momster?" Ana asks while trying to hide her smile.

Elliot is still laughing when he stops all of a sudden. Probably realizing why he is sitting on our couch.

"The cab driver was a real son of a bitch…" he starts and he looks with his droopy eyes to Ana.

"I was just having a drink …and he told me to get the fuck out of his car…" His voice falters and he coughs making Ana cringe.

"Anyway…" he holds his finger in the air. "The fucker threw me out…and I told him to business his own mind…" Ana giggles. He just stares at her frowning. "I told him to own his…"

"You told him to mind his own business…" I finish for him. "Fuck Elliot just tell us what fucking happened man…"

"He was a fucker…" He grins. "I tried to hit him, but I ended up hitting his car…and now I have a boo boo…" he pouts and then drops his head against the couch.

"Where is Megan…?" Ana asks softly while she sprays some disinfectant shit over his knuckles.

"Megan…Megan…my sweet Megan is sad Ana…and mad…let's not forget terrified…"

"Why is she mad Elliot?"

"Because…because I'm going to be a father Christian…can you believe that. I knocked her up…"

"What?" I boom.

"And you are sitting here, drunk out of your stupid mind, while your pregnant girlfriend is …where? Where the fuck is Megan Elliot?"

"Home…she doesn't want to see me…she wanted to leave…she even packed her bags…"

He leans back against the couch with his eyes closed. I've never seen my brother like this. Sure I have seen him drunk, but never the combination of drunk and utterly broken.

Ana is looking at me, tears brimming her eyes.

"Call Megan, Ana…tell her Elliot is here."

Ana leaves for the bedroom to get her phone. I walk to the kitchen to get Elliot a bottle of water from the fridge, hopefully to sober him up.

When I return he's fast asleep. Fucking Elliot.

Ana comes walking in with the phone in her hands. "Megan is worried about Elliot. She promised me she isn't going anywhere. Megan realizes that they need to talk." She sighs.

"I offered her to spend the night here, but she refused. She said she needed some time alone…"

"Let's go to sleep baby…" I say grabbing her hand.

"We can't leave him here…" She says. "Why don't we take him to one of the guestrooms?"

"Ana, my brother is completely drunk. There is no way in hell I can get him upstairs being like this."

"I suppose you're right." She admits sadly. "Come one let's sleep…" She says making her way up the stairs.

Sleep? Sleep? I don't fucking think so.

"I hate to disappoint you baby, but no sleeping…just yet…"

She lets out a squeal when I suddenly throw her over my shoulder and quickly make my way to our bedroom.

"Now where were we?"

* * *

 **A/N: I know you are all very curious to what that old lady told Taylor. That will be addressed in chapter 5. A lot of you have also asked if Ana is pregnant…well if I told you that…please have patience. Thank you for reading.**

 **Take care!**

 **Alner X**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 5 – Disturbing dreams**

 **CPOV**

Buzzing…I hear a buzz. I force my eyes to stay closed, because everything tells me that it's too soon to wake up. However the annoying, ongoing vibration of my phone against my night stand doesn't stop. It. Just. Wont. Fucking. Stop. Next to me Ana stirs. Her head disappears under the covers while she mumbles something like "make it stop." While at the same time she is nudging my leg with her foot.

This better be fucking good, I think to myself as I see the red piercing numbers of my alarm clock indicating that it's only 5 am. Squinting my eyes I read my brother's name on the caller ID. _God dammit._

"This better be fucking good dickhead…" I hiss into the phone.

"I need to borrow your car man…I need to get back to Megan. I don't understand why you didn't wake me. " Elliot is whining.

"Just shut the fuck up, I'll be right out."

Carefully as not to wake my sleeping wife I step out of my warm bed. Throwing on some clothes I glance back one more time with the doorknob in my hand. _Fucking Elliot._

"What the hell took you so long asshole!" Elliot says pacing the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Excuse me dickhead for being asleep at 5 fucking am in the morning!"

Drowning his coffee Elliot puts the cup back on the kitchen counter. "I need your car keys Christian. I need to get back to my apartment. Hopefully she hasn't left…"

"She didn't…she promised Ana that she would wait for you until you got back…"

Completely devastated Elliot sinks down on one of the barstools and buries his face in his hands. "I think congratulations are in order Lelliot…"

"Yeah, I guess so…"

"What happened yesterday?"

Hopping from the barstool Elliot takes the mug from the counter and saunters to the coffee machine.

Without asking me he takes another mug from the cabinet and fixes me a coffee too. His hair is all over the place and he has red eyes from the lack of sleep and the excessive drinking. _He looks like shit._

"After you dropped us of at the apartment yesterday Megan started packing her bags…after a fucking eternity she finally admitted that she is pregnant." He pauses while he looks into his coffee filled mug.

"What was your initial reaction?"

He groans and bangs his head against the marble kitchen counter. "Elliot, man up dude. Besides you are leaving grease stains on the marble…"

Without looking up he flips me off. After a few minutes he tilts his head and rubs both hands over his face.

"I asked her how?" He snorts and takes a gulp from the hot coffee. "Can you actually believe that Christian…I was so stunned that I asked her how she got pregnant…never in my life I would have thought that her strange behavior from the last days had something to do with her being pregnant."

I look at the clock on the microwave…it's 5.15 am…if he hurries, I can still crawl back in bed with my girl.

"I proposed to her, I asked her to marry me…and she turned me down. She said no. She thought that I proposed to her because she is pregnant, but that's not true bro. I already have her ring, I just needed to ask her father…but really that wasn't something I was looking forward to. That guy is a scary bastard…and not just scary, the guy is petrifying."

"Why didn't you explain…"

"Because she didn't let me Christian! She was going on and on, god you can't put in a word edgeways!" He bellows and throws his hands in the air.

"Will you calm the fuck down and keep your voice low…Ana is sleeping you asshole…" Glancing to the stairs he apologizes and rubs his hands through his hair.

"Are you happy Ell?"

My brother shrugs and stares out of the window for the longest time. "I love her Christian…you have no idea how much I love Megan. She is different from on the other girls I have been with. She is intelligent, assertive, loving. She loves me for me not the money…just for me and that's refreshing. And she has an incredible sense of humor."

He returns his attention back to the window and exhales deeply. "As for you question; yes I am happy about the baby. Incredibly happy." A smile appears on his face as he keeps looking out of the window.

"I don't understand Christian…while she was throwing her clothes into an overnight bag, she kept rambling about not being good enough for me. That she couldn't stand the fact that her face is plastered every two days in a magazine…the magazines that say that she is a gold digger… she told me that since she had met me, her life has turned upside down. She said that she doesn't fit in our world…whatever the fuck that means…I just don't fucking get it man…"

"I do…." Ana's voice comes from the staircase. She is dressed in a pink fluffy robe that I haven't seen before. It's a hideous color, but somehow she makes it look beautiful. Ana told me that Melissa gave it to her and that Melissa owns an identical one…like sisters. _The robe is gruesome, my wife however looks fucking cute in it._

"You should sleep Ana…" She cuts me off with a glare and walks strait to the coffee machine to fix herself some coffee.

"Elliot you have to realize that until Megan met you, she lived a fairly simple and sheltered life in Montesano. Megan had a job, she owned her own apartment, her own car…in short. She was an independent young woman…"

Ana looks from me to Elliot. "Since the moment she met you it was a whirlwind of changes…she is expected to do things which she is not used to and doesn't even like. She has to socialize with the wealthy of Seattle, who have not been very nice to her. Everything she does and says is put under a magnifying glass, she is scrutinized and only because the man she fell in love with is Elliot Grey who happens to own a very successful construction company, whose parents are socialites of Seattle and who's brother is a billionaire…those are a lot of freaking changes Elliot. And you have to admit, she took everything pretty relaxed…and now she just reached her breaking point. Her life is spiraling out of control…she has no income, her car has been replaced by another one…bought by her boyfriend…"

"I just want to take care of her Ana. How do you think I can let her drive a beaten up old car? It was old …"

"Yes Elliot but it was safe and it was hers…her car was extremely valuable to her. She bought it herself, with her own money."

"Fuck…"

"Go and see her Elliot…she loves you…she is just so confused. She told me yesterday that she thinks you might not want the baby because of your business…she is afraid of how people might react…"

"But I want this baby…I love kids…" my brother says looking completely perplexed at Ana. "Sure it would have been better if it happened a few years down the road, but I'm ecstatic…and I don't fucking care what other people think." Elliot says exasperated.

"I love her Ana. She is my Megan…"

"Go and tell her that Elliot. Tell her that everything is going to be okay."

 **APOV**

"Are you ready baby?" We are in the elevator of GEH and shit, I'm nervous.

"Yeah sure." _Liar._

"Just promise me to take it slow okay?" I'm safe in Christian's arms and I wish I could stay here forever. This is definitely my favorite place to be.

"Promise" I whisper.

"Are you still feeling nauseous?"

"Just a little, but I'm sure those are just nerves Christian…don't worry okay?"

"I will always worry Ana…" The elevator pings indicating we have reached our floor. Reluctantly we both step out followed by Sawyer.

"Good morning Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey". The two girls sitting at the reception greet us.

"Good morning" I mumble. So much has changed since I was here.

The renovation of Lambert Publishing is finally complete, no more cables on the floor, no construction workers. A sense of pride swells through my body when I read the Lambert Publishing giant letters on the wall. _Shit! This is really mine. This is my company._ As if Christian can read my mind, he plants a small kiss on my forehead and with his hand firmly placed on my lower back, he leads me to my office.

Christian closes the door and puts my laptop on the desk and pulls me towards him, his large, warm hands holding my face. The intensity in how he is looking down at me gives me a warm feeling inside. _Safe, cherished and loved._  
"Call me if there's anything." He says sternly. "Right away." He pecks my nose and smiles.

"I promise Christian…"

"I asked Andrea and Hannah to clear our schedules for lunchtime on the days you are working from the office. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course I don't…I can think of worse things than having lunch with my husband."

"Good. I have to go baby have a meeting in 10 minutes…" With a last kiss on my fore head he turns around leaving me alone in my gigantic office.

"Mrs. Grey." Hannah shyly enters my office. In her hands she is holding her laptop.

"Hannah, please call me Ana…" She smiles nervously and fidgets with the laptop in her hands.

"Please Hannah, relax…you don't have to feel nervous around me. Now if you would like to bring me up to speed as what happened here in the last three weeks. Then I want to run through my schedule. As you probably know I won't be working fulltime just yet. However, I am always available should there arise urgent matters if I'm not in the office."

She nods her head while she is setting up her laptop.

For the last hour Hannah has been informing me about what happened here in the weeks that I have been absent. She is concise and accurate. Every now and then her eyes wander from her laptop screen to me.

"As for you schedule…" she hesitates but continues quickly after taking a huge breath of air.

"Per Mr. Grey's request, I deleted several meetings from your calendar. He thought it would be better for you to start things slow…" She keeps her eyes on the screen while I feel a wave of irritation rising in me. Taking a sip from my now cold coffee, which tastes disgusting, I take my time to arrange my thoughts. She can't help it that my husband is a control freak. She just did what Christian asked her to do. This is something between my husband and myself.

"That's very thoughtful, however from now on I want you to consult me before you delete or change my schedule." I say as calmly as possible.

Her green eyes shift to mine. She is nervous. "Hannah, I know that Christian can be intimidating and controlling…I will discuss this with him."

"Of course." she whispers.

* * *

Munching on the fruit that Gail prepared for me this morning I look at the notes of all the meetings I've missed. Occasionally I write something down, to ask Christian or Mike later on.

Mathematics and numbers have never been my strong suit, but even to me it's clear that we still have a long way to go before Lambert Publishing is out of the red numbers and we can start generating profit. Obviously we were forced in investing due to Roach's lack of management and innovation. Investing in the new ERP system has been the most expensive thus far. The program has been specifically customized for us.

Sighing I push the papers away from me and rub my forehead. It's only 11.00 o'clock and I already miss my husband. I wonder how Megan and Elliot are doing. Grabbing the phone from my desk I check my messages. There is nothing from Megan. I decide to call her tonight. She and Elliot are probably still talking…at least I hope they are talking.

I immediately dismiss the thought of walking to Christian's office. I know he is incredibly busy, I would only keep him from work. Besides we have a lunch appointment at noon. Standing from my chair I decide to visit the different sections. Since my absence, different people started working who I don't even have met jet. It's time to get acquainted. _Why am I feeling so nervous?_

I smooth the creases of my skirt and pop a small piece of apple in my mouth, hoping for the nausea to disappear.

* * *

I still have one section to go. I have to admit that it pleasantly surprised me. Most people are extremely nice. Those who already were working at SIP say that they are glad with the changes that have been implemented.

As I approach the finance department the door is slight ajar. I hear giggling and laughing.

" _Did you see that he is back?"_ A woman's voice says.

" _Who?"_ Another woman asks.

" _Christian Grey…"_

" _Oh…yes I did…"_ the woman moans. _Is she moaning?_

" _That man is the total package…he has it all. Looks, money…god and did you see that ass?"_

" _Did I? I bet he also has a big…"_ I can't hear what she is saying because a phone starts ringing. I'm dumbstruck. My phone is about to break because of the grip I have on it. Instead of working they are discussing my husband's ass and dick…because I'm certain that she was going to say dick before the phone started ringing.

"Good morning Lambert Publishing, this is Ashley speaking."

Turning on my heels I walk straight back to my office. I think it's best for everyone that I don't enter that office. Now I need to find out what this Ashley woman's last name is, because she is definitely on my shit list.

 **CPOV**

I have only been at work for three hours and I've already fired two people, yelled and ranted my way through a meeting. The latter is not surprising actually. Who am I kidding…the first isn't surprising either. It's my M.O.

Back in my office I see that my inbox has only increased with incoming e-mails. What do I pay people for? To e-mail me? _Maybe I need to fire a few more…just to keep them on their toes and show them who's boss._

I have this absurd but overwhelming urge to grab my laptop and throw it out of the window. Next I would get my wife and leave for Greece immediately.

I don't think throwing my laptop out of the window would actually solve anything, because the moment Andrea hears a crash, both my phone and laptop will be replaced. _Immediately._

Ana…I have only been apart from her for three hours and I'm missing her like crazy. Our honeymoon was absolutely fucking perfect. Leaning back in my chair I ignore the never ending incoming e-mails and contemplate about what to get my wife for her birthday. The fact is, that I can get her anything. Diamonds, a new car…hell I could even buy her … well everything. Knowing Ana…she wouldn't want that. She is not impressed by a new car or jewelry. I need to come up with something unique and somehow small. But what?

I put both feet on my desk and start sliding through the pictures in my phone.  
They are all photographs of Ana ... and a few of us together. She is so incredibly beautiful.

On most pictures she looks carefree and happy. On others though, she looks amazingly seductive and sexy. She has no idea how captivating and gorgeous she really is. She doesn't notice men staring at her all the time. She is completely oblivious. As for me? Well I'm jealous as fuck, but fact is that she is mine. _She choose me._

* * *

"Are you sure you've had enough to eat Ana?"

"Positive…but I'm craving a little dessert though…" she whispers against my lips.

"Is that so Mrs. Grey?" I pull her on my lap, her hands automatically reaching for my hair. Her teeth have captured my earlobe. "Oh yes Mr. Grey…" Her warm breath against my skin is tantalizing and hot. Flexing my hips I push my erection against her sex.

"You are an insatiable minx …" Giggling against my neck she opens my zipper.

"Well, I've learned from the best…haven't I?" Her small, perfect hand is now firmly wrapped around my dick. Her thumb brushing over the tip.

"Mr. Grey, your next appointment has arrived Sir." Andrea's voice comes through the intercom, making us both jump at the noise. Ana buries her head in the crook of my neck and I feel her smile.

Still smiling she walks towards my desk and pushes the intercom. "Thank you Andrea…Christian will be ready in five minutes."

I'm still sitting in the same position Ana left me, my zipper opened while my dick is still hard and in need of a good fuck or blowjob…or both. Yeah, both definitely have my preference.

"You can't leave me here like this…" I say pointing at my dick.

"I promise to make it up to you this evening…" With that she kisses my lips and walks out of my office. _Well fuck._

Mr. Long. I can see his mouth moving, but I hope Ros is paying attention, because I truly wouldn't know what he is talking about.

Mr. Long is extremely eager in selling his business. He is mid-fifties and feels he has worked enough and wants to enjoy time with his wife. They have one daughter who has no interest what so ever in taking over the family business, since she is a professional ballet dancer.

I'm only hearing shreds of what he is telling us, because fact is that my mind keeps wandering to my wife who is now having a session with Flynn. She sent me a message thirty minutes ago telling me that she had completely forgotten about that appointment.

Thank god for Hannah, who now keeps a close eyes on her schedule.

Trying to focus back on the meeting. This is actually pretty important, because if we are able to buy his company for the price I'm willing to pay for it, it will become substantial for the plans I have regarding Green technology. Mr. Long's assistant a tall blonde woman in her late forties, hands us the analysis of his corporation.

"Thank you for your time Mr. Long. Ms. Bailey will contact you in the course of this week." Sliding my chair back, I extend my hand.

"Thank you for your time Mr. Grey. I am aware that it is very unusual to approach a buyer. However, I have done extensive research and I am extremely impressed in how far you came with the development of alternative fuels."

"Thank you Mr. Long."

"I think it's best if you went home Christian." Ros says as soon as Mr. Long and his assistant have left.

"Look Ros…"

"Christian it's clear that your mind is elsewhere. Go home to Ana…" I don my CEO face and glare at her. She is the least bit impressed though. Ros has been here with me since I started GEH. She knows how mercurial I can react. However it still pisses me off that she thinks she can boss me around. The fact that I've handed my wife my balls, doesn't mean I'm also handing them to Ros.

Ros ignores my glare, hell she isn't even looking at me. Humming a stupid song she saunters towards the door. "Go home Christian…"

In the back of the SUV my mind wanders off to my meeting with Mr. Long. It would be an understatement to say that I'm not interested in buying his company…because I am. When I quickly scanned through his analysis I discovered that despite his small firm, he has been 16 times more productive then large innovative firms in terms of patents per employee.

Buying Mr. Long's company and merging the knowledge we have been working on with that of his employees would have incredible implications as a result. Mainly regarding the sustainability and innovation. Meaning we could meet the needs of society in ways that can continue indefinitely into the future without damaging or depleting natural resources. In short, we could meet present needs without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs. We could reduce waste and pollution by changing patterns of production and consumption and developing alternatives to technologies, whether fossil fuel or chemical intensive agriculture.

"Sir, we're here" Taylor's voice cuts through my thoughts. We have arrived at Escala.

"Thank you Taylor."

Given the brief surprise in Taylor's eyes, I believe he is still getting used to the fact that I occasionally thank him. I like to believe it's the effect Ana has on me.

After punching the code for the penthouse I lean with my back against the elevator wall and close my eyes. I'm on my way home, to my wife. Before Ana came into my life I never really liked the idea of going home. Actually back then it was a house instead of a home. With only a few changes, Ana has managed to transform my once cold and empty apartment to a warm, cozy and lively home. What really adds to my happiness is that my girl is waiting for me.

Previously, the only thing waiting for me was my plate of food that Gail had prepared for me. I had dinner, alone at the breakfast bar, usually I would reply some e-mails or I would read the newspapers sports section. Then, when I had finished my food, I would dutifully rinse my plate and silverware and put it in the dishwasher. Subsequently I would go to my office where I would work until I was completely exhausted, hoping that the fatigue would keep my nightmares at bay.

Except on weekends which I used to spend with my submissives. A shiver runs down my spine when I think about that time. Because even though sometimes I had a submissive waiting for me when I returned from GEH, she would never dare to greet me unreservedly. She would wait until I gave her permission to speak. And sometimes I was in such a fool mood, that I just didn't grant them that permission. _Yeah, dominant-asshole-extraordinaire._

Thank God, everything has changed now. I know that Ana is now in the kitchen, probably sitting at the breakfast bar, reading a book or a manuscript or just scrolling through her phone, while Gail is preparing dinner. The moment I enter the kitchen she will jump out of the barstool, she will run to me and jump into my arms. Then she will whisper in my ear how much she has missed me and how much she loves me. She actually misses and loves me as much as I miss and love her. With Ana I never know what awaits me and I never thought I would say this, but I love it.

"Mr. Grey, can I have a word with you Sir?" Taylor is standing in front of his office. His eyes give nothing away.

"Ten minutes Taylor." I reply gruffly. While I sit on one of the chairs I indicate with a curd nod that he can start speaking. My thought wander off to my wife though.

"Sir, after the incident with that lady in Athens I did some research."

"What research Taylor?" I don't remember giving him instructions for some stupid research regarding a foolish, old and crazy woman. And it's pissing me off. _Immensely._

Taylor squares his broad shoulders and straightens his back. "After you took Mrs. Grey out of the shop I entered it to find out what was going on. The old woman was repeatedly shouting 'shades'…she didn't stop." He pauses and I roll my eyes.

"Taylor don't tell me you actually believe in this shit…"

"Sir, the undercover protection officers, told me that the woman is a psychic and that her readings are pretty accurate." I brush my hands over my face. I can't believe I'm actually listening to him talking about this fucked up woman, while I could be spending time with my beautiful wife.

"Soon after we entered the store the woman passed out. According to her daughter it was because of the intensity. Her daughter told us that 'shades' was linked to a building. It was a building." He states and types something into his laptop. "With Welch's help I researched every restaurant and club in Seattle. There is not one building called 'Shades'.

"Correct me if I'm wrong here Taylor. You invested valuable time in investigating something in which I haven't even given permission for and you actually researched some bullshit that came out of this crazy woman's mouth?" I yell. "Then to top it off you are monopolizing my valuable time too?"

"Sir, the daughter suggested that Ana needed to stay away from that particular building. She also told me that Ana needed to be checked out by a doctor, regarding her abdomen." He adds quickly.

"What the fuck Taylor?" I yell standing from my chair.

"I'm sorry Sir, it's just that the woman mentioned something and pointed at her stomach…"

"Look I don't believe one word of what that woman told Ana or you for that matter. I want you to stop this stupid research you are doing with immediate effect. What the hell possessed you Taylor?"

"It came across as a warning Sir. I was trying to protect your wife."

"I will tell you when to protect my wife. The next time you start with a stupid project like this, I want to be informed." I stand up to leave his office but turn around before opening the door.

"I don't want Ana to hear anything of what you have been doing or what that woman told you in that store. Do I make myself clear Taylor?"

"Perfectly clear Mr. Grey."

Entering the kitchen it's eerie quiet. The only sound is the soft hum of the refrigerator. The smell of food dominates the kitchen. So I know Mrs. Jones has finished cooking and is waiting for me to arrive to serve dinner.

"Gail!"

"Yes, Mr. Grey?" Mrs. Jones replies. Her hand fumbling with the hem of her white apron.

"Where is my wife?"

"She said she was going to lay down for a while Sir."

"Is she sick?" I notice that Gail is hesitating in answering me. I don't know if it is because Ana told her not to tell me anything or because Gail knows that I will go bat shit crazy if Ana is sick and I wasn't informed.

"Mrs. Jones. Is my wife sick?" I ask a little harsher this time.

"I don't think she is sick Sir."

"But…"

"She just looked very pale when she came back from her appointment with Dr. Flynn. She also told me that she was experiencing some back pain. I suggested that she should lie down until you were ready to have dinner."

"How long has she been asleep?"

"Approximately one hour Sir."

"Very well. I'm going to wake her. What's for dinner Gail? It smells delicious."

"It's chicken soup and macaroni and cheese Sir."

"That's an odd combination."

Mrs. Jones smiles. "It is what Ana suggested Mr. Grey."

Ana is sleeping peacefully. Her frame looks so small in our huge bed. She is wearing one of my t-shirts and black yoga pants. Her hair is damp, she probably took a shower. I get rid of my jacket and tie and quickly slip of my shoes before crawling into bed with my sleeping beauty. On the background there is a song from playing.

I lay down as close as possible without touching her. I don't want to wake her yet. The smell of her shampoo and body wash is lingering in the air. I love her scent. She is probably dreaming about something exceptionally pleasant seeing how relaxed she is and the smile on her gorgeous face.

So I just lay there while the minutes pass by until her breathing changes. Her smile slowly fading. She is starting to stir, while her legs are moving restlessly. Fuck, she is having a nightmare.

"Ana…baby wake up…it's okay"

"No!" Ana screams and wakes up with a bolt. Her hand clasping on to mine. She throws her legs over my hip and buries her face in my chest.

"Hey, it was just a bad dream baby." I kiss the top of her head. "Want to tell me what that was all about?" I whisper against her hair.

"It was so weird Christian." She says unsteadily.

"Tell me Ana."

She sighs and shifts her head on the pillow next to me. "We were walking through a meadow…you and me…I felt so incredibly happy…blissful even. The colors surrounding us where so vivid and beautiful…it was so real…" Ana turns her head again and stares at the ceiling. She brushes both hands over her face. "We…we were chasing a little boy…he was really small. That little boy was giggling and smiling…he was so incredibly happy…he looked just like you Christian…he was beautiful. He had unruly copper hair that moved playfully in the wind while he was running." Ana moves again and faces me.

"What happened then Ana?"

"It was so weird, because everything turned dark and someone took that little boy away…" Ana shudders at the memory.

"It was just a dream baby."

"it felt so real Christian…I know it may sound strange, but that was our boy…he was ours…his smile…he had the most beautiful smile and I called him and called him but he just kept running away from me, away from us."

"We discussed the house at the Sound this afternoon during lunch, maybe your sub- consciousness jumbled everything up. You keep talking about those pictures of me that Elliot showed at our wedding…" I'm trying very hard to come up with an explanation for her dream. It is obvious that she is upset and that the dream which started most enjoyable turned into a nightmare in just a matter of seconds

"Maybe you are right." She sighs. I honestly think she is saying this to reassure me, because she doesn't look very convinced.

She shifts one more time and moves closer to me. Her blue eyes searching my face, her delicate finger tracing the outlines of my lips. Her thoughts though, are still a thousand miles away.

"What is it baby?" I kiss her forehead lingering a little longer, taking in her unique scent and her warmth. _God, how is it possible to love someone so fucking much?_

"The boy…" She shakes her head. "He was the most precious little boy I have ever seen. He exuded happiness, innocence and serenity. He was an exact copy of you ... only in a mini version."

"So, a handsome little shit huh?" I say playfully and pull her closer burying my face in her neck. Ana giggles and hits my shoulder. "Christian! She giggles playfully.

"Baby, did you put this song on repeat?"

"Yeah…I love it don't you?" Wrapping her arms around me she lays her head on my chest and sighs contently.

"I do…but it gets repetitive after hearing it twenty times."

"Then change it if it bothers you so much."

I reach for the remote on my night stand and press forward to change the song. "Dance with me Mrs. Grey." I say jumping from the bed and taking Ana with me.

 _You're a falling star, you're the getaway car.  
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.  
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.  
And you're the perfect thing to say._

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.  
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.  
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.  
'cause you can see it when I look at you.

My mother was right. Love and happiness is not about cars, money or assets. It's about the little things in live. It's about dancing with your wife a few minutes before having dinner. It's about watching that adorable crinkle in her nose every time she laughs. It's about hearing that marvelous and joyful sound of her giggle. It's about seeing the twinkle in her extraordinary blue eyes and the fucking cute freckles scattered across her perfect little nose.

While looking at my wife I start singing along with the song. " _And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man, and I get to kiss you baby just because I can."_

She gasps and looks surprised at me. "Christian, you have an amazing voice…"

I completely ignore her sweet compliment, that crazy enough makes me feel proud. A warm feeling is spreading through my chest. I turn her around, then I give her a sloppy kiss on her lips.

When the song ends Ana jumps into my arms and squeezes me tight. "I love you Christian. You have no idea how much I really love you…" Taking my face between her hands she kisses me hard leaving me breathless.

"I love you too Ana…you really are my everything…"

And while I accompany Ana to the kitchen and she dismisses my questions about her visit to Flynn, I'm thinking about how I can get her to eat. Because she is too pale and too thin for my liking. Come hell or high water…my wife is going to eat.

* * *

 **Song: Michael Bublé – You're my everything.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 6 – "Negative"**

 **APOV**

That happy and carefree feeling I experienced in the bedroom while dancing with Christian, disappeared the minute we entered the kitchen. I was almost knocked over by the persistent smell of food that was still lingering in the enormous space. Chicken soup and macaroni and cheese. When I asked Gail if she wanted to cook my favorite soup and Christian's favorite food it really sounded good. Actually the combination of these two dishes sucks, but it seemed fun. Now…not. so. much.

I have managed to swallow a few bites, but only because I can't stand Christian's glare.

He is holding back…I can see it at the way he is clenching his jaw and how his hand that is resting on the marble kitchen counter is turned into a fist. His shoulders are tense and he is about ready to go nuclear. The vein bulging at his temple doesn't do anything to sooth the nervousness.

My eyes shift from the bowl of soup in front of me to the bowl filled with macaroni and cheese. I really want to eat, but with every bite I take the nausea is getting worse. My stomach isn't happy. Closing my eyes, I try to push the image away of the little pieces of chicken and vegetables floating in the soup.

Suddenly this unpleasant feeling takes over like everything inside me is impatiently forcing its way out.

"Be right back…" I mumble and hurry to the bathroom. While taking the stairs two at the time I feel my stomach turning. I'm sweating and my mouth is salivating like crazy. UGH.

Just in time I reach the toilet.

"Ana! Shit baby…are you sick?" Christian crouches next to me and holds my hair in his hand. I feel another hand on my stomach. I feel like shit. I have the need to cry, but somehow I can't.

When I have finally finished throwing up, I let myself slide on the floor. Tenderly Christian starts cleaning my face with a wet washcloth. He is still tense. He probably wants to yell at me that I have to eat, but he knows that will only make things worse.

"Do you want to lay down for a bit?" Christian is whispering with his lips on my forehead. I just nod.

My knees feel wobbly when Christian helps me stand up. Christian's hand holding mine feels cool in comparison to my sweaty palms.

"Let's get you into bed." Still dressed Christian lays beside me on top of the covers. "Tell me Ana, how long have you been feeling sick?"

"Since that last week in Greece actually." Christian takes a sharp breath of air, but I cut him off before he has the chance to say something. "It wasn't so bad Christian. Just a little bit of nausea." I try to defend myself.

"Ana you're pale, you have dark circles under your eyes and you have lost a considerably amount of weight. However the worst part is that you haven't told me how you felt. How do you expect me to take care of you when you don't tell me exactly how you feel Ana?" Christian's voice is accusatory, irritable and abrupt. He is brushing both hands through his hair and pulling at the ends.

"It wasn't that bad Christian… by taking small amounts of food during the day I could reduce the nausea to a minimum."  
"Do you still have sensitive breasts? And do you still feel so bloated? Christian completely ignores my comment. His normally gray eyes are now almost black. Crap, he is mad. He isn't going to let this go so easily.

"I'm not a fucking expert Anastasia, but all the symptoms you are experiencing indicate a pregnancy. We decided we would wait until the end of the week before we took a pregnancy test, but this has to stop, I have to take control before you wither in front of me." His body is rigid and tense, his lips are forming a thin line.

"Stay here, I will be right back." He orders me. With a quick kiss on my forehead Christian walks out of the room. _What the hell happened here?_ _And where is he going?_

He is mad, that much is obvious…actually he is not just a little bit mad, he is thoroughly pissed. As I see him walking out of the bedroom I step out of the bed and start pacing the room with shaky legs.

 _Where the hell is he going?_

Maybe a shower will help in clearing my head. The warm water doesn't sooth the restless feeling. The only thing that would help, at this point is to know where Christian went off to. With a sigh, I turn off the water and comfort myself with one of the fluffy towels.

With the towel wrapped around my body I step into our bedroom and see that Christian hasn't returned yet. _Where the hell did he go?_

Clutching the towel against my chest, I walk towards the living room. When I don't find him there I walk to his study. He isn't here either.

Dejected I walk back to the great room and let myself slump down on the couch. Is he so mad because I didn't tell him about my tender breasts and the nausea? I mean…do I need to tell him every little thing? Besides I was telling him the truth. I really wasn't that bad. And it was just today that the nausea got worse, but just slightly.

I blamed the nausea to the jetlag and the nerves of returning back to work. God, why does he have to overreact every single time? He can be so overly concerned it's stifling.

I decide to get myself something to drink but find Gail cleaning the kitchen. "Shit, Gail you scared the hell out of me." _What is she doing here?_ I told her to take the rest of the evening off and spend some time with Taylor.

"I'm sorry Ana. I didn't mean to scare you." Gail is looking really uncomfortable and that's when I realize that I'm only wearing the towel.

"Where is Christian?" I ask and I feel myself blush from my toes all the way up to my head.

"He needed to get something Ana. He asked me to wait here until he returns and to ask you what you wanted to eat, since you didn't eat anything I made."

"You don't need to fix me anything Gail. I have no appetite and I'm sorry you went to all that trouble in making the soup and macaroni…I'm just not feeling very well."

"It's no problem Ana." She smiles and I can sense that she is being sincere.

"Did Christian by any chance tell you where he went?"

"No, he didn't. I'm sorry."

"Please Gail, go home I will clean the kitchen. Go and spend some time with Taylor." _Go. Home._

"Taylor is driving Christian Ana…" She leaves the words hanging in the air.

"But it's Taylor's night off…" I state. Gail just stares at me and smiles. "That's part of his job Ana. It is really no problem. Are you sure I don't have to make you something to eat?" She doesn't deserve it, but I really want to scream at her to stop asking me if I want to eat something.

"No Gail, I really don't want anything to eat." I reply rather blunt. Turning around I walk back to the bedroom where I dress slowly in one of Christian's t-shirts. I pick up one of the books from the nightstand and take a seat on the balcony. The view overlooking the Seattle skyline and even Mount Rainier in the distance is truly astonishing. But now at this point I can't even enjoy it. Christian is gone, without even telling me where he was going or why he felt the need to leave in that way. I'm getting more worried by every minutes that passes, and frankly my anger level is significantly increasing. It has been more than forty five minutes since he walked out. What if I tried to pull a stunt like that? Running away without telling him where I was going.

I snort softly. Yeah, like if you would even get the chance to walk out of here without being followed. I would have Sawyer attached to my hip.

It's after another twenty minutes that I hear voices in the hallway. He is probably talking at the phone. A few minutes later the bedroom door opens and I feel Christian's presence behind me. Inwardly I sigh relieved. _He's back. He actually came back._

Stubbornly I keep my eyes trained on my book at the sentence I have reread about a hundredth times by now. And even though I have to force myself not to look at my husband I manage to keep staring at the page.

"I got you something." Christian's voice is merely a whisper.

Against my better judgment I ignore him. It's bad and I hate it, but I really don't know what else to do. It's this or yelling at him. But then Flynn's words come crashing into me. _Ignoring someone is actually a form of_ _psychological manipulation._ I'm hurting him. Deliberately…and it's wrong.

"Ana…" Christian says cautiously.

"What Christian…?" I snap back at him and turn around to look at him. He looks so handsome in his cargo shorts and light blue polo, yet he looks insecure and completely out of his depth.

My eyes slide to a bag he is holding in his hand. The bag is white and it's clear as day from the logo on the front, one of the most internationally recognized symbols, where he has been. _The pharmacy._

Without saying a word Christian moves closer to me until his arm is stroking against my shoulder. He then lifts the bag and places it on my lap, on top of the book I'm still holding in my hands.

I actually know what's in the bag and slowly but surely the anger is building up again and it is trying to find his way out through every pore of my body.

Slowly opening the bag I quickly look inside and my suspicions are confirmed. I think he bought the entire stock of pregnancy tests. There have to be at least thirty pregnancy tests in the bag. _Why doesn't this surprise me?_ With a huff I close the bag and throw it on the sofa next to me.

"You need to do a test Ana."

"No, I don't." I think it's best for him and me if I created some distance between the two of us. Closing the book I place it on the table in front of me and stand up. However the moment I want to pass him he grabs my elbow.

"Do the test Ana."

"No. I'm not pregnant Christian. I told you the symptoms I'm experiencing are side effects from stopping with the shot. Just give me space. You are suffocating me with your overbearing concern and need for control." I try to shrug myself free, but Christian only holds me tighter.

"Do. The. Fucking. Test. Anastasia." Christian replies trough gritted teeth. "Something is obviously wrong with you. You haven't eaten properly in in days, something is wrong with you Ana. Do the damn test." Christian's face is a mixture of anger, hurt and worried.

"I said NO!" I yell. "And now let go of my arm Christian you are hurting me!" Shocked he immediately releases my arm and takes a step back.

I roughly turn around on my heels and walk back to our bedroom. I pinch my eyes to forget the look that just passed through his face. _Lost. He is lost_. _But so am I._ Mechanically I walk to the living room and sit on the couch and burry my head in my hands.

* * *

I must have somehow fallen asleep because I wake up and see that it's dark outside. I push the blanket off me and go in search for Christian. He must have covered me with the blanket.

The illuminated numbers of the microwave in the kitchen indicate that it's past midnight. Shit, I have been asleep for at least three hours.

After drinking a large glass of orange juice I go in search of my husband. I find him out on the balcony on the same chair I was sitting earlier. He is holding a glass of liquor in his hand. His shoulders are slumped back and his hair is a complete mess. As I approach him I hear him softly talking to himself.

" _You're an ass Grey…"_ He lifts the glass up in the air and brings it in a very uncoordinated way to his mouth, making it crash against his teeth. _Shit, he is really drunk._

" _Your wife thinks you are a controlling and overbearing piece of shit…"_ he slurs while he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. _"And you hurt her…Grey…you hurt your wife…"_

My eyes swift to the little table, where all the pregnancy test are now neatly placed on a pile. Abruptly Christian kicks the table making the pregnancy tests all fall on the floor. With his head buried in his hands he growls and pulls at his hair.

" _Suff…suffocating…I'm fucking suffocating my wife…"_ He growls in his hands. I can't stand seeing him like this. But he needs to understand that he can't just walk out and buy the freaking supply of pregnancy tests and force me to take a test.

I walk up to him, but before I can reach him, he probably feels me and turns his face towards me. His face is pale, his eyes bloodshot. He looks broken and lost.

"You were asleep" he states turning his face away from me. "You need to sleep…Ana."

"So do you…come let's get you to bed…" I extend my hand and wait for him to take it. Instead of standing up he pulls me on his lap and immediately buries his face in my hair. "I'm sorry Ana…" He chokes out.

"I'm sorry too Christian…"I say kissing his cheek and getting up from his lap. "We will talk tomorrow…you are drunk and you need to sleep…"

Ten minutes later I have finally managed to get Christian to drink a glass of water and to lay down on the bed. He is curled up on his left side, hands tucked under his head and watching me slipping into a nightgown.

"I like your tits Mrs. Grey" He giggles. Lazily Christian extends his arms and motions me to come into bed. He is absolutely drunk, because Christian never giggles.

When I'm finally lying next to him Christian immediately pulls me towards him, almost smothering me with kisses.

"I really…really want a little baby…"He slurs. I sigh and push him away. Why doesn't he drop this? Why is he so freaking unrelenting?

Instead of giving me space he pulls me against his chest and buries his face in my neck. "I need to know Ana…I need to know if you are carrying my baby…because if you are pregnant, I need to take care of this baby…" His big hand slides to my stomach and leaves it there. I feel the warmth of his hand radiating through the thin fabric of my gown. Normally I can't get enough of his touch and I want to be as close to him as possible. However at this moment I feel this incredible urge to push his hand away from my stomach.

"Christian please…let it go." _Please. Please. Please._

"I can't let it go…this is…this is too important Ana…" Christian moves his head and sighs. His breath is mingled with the distinctive aroma of the whiskey he was drinking. "Do you know how happy it would make me if you happened to be pregnant?" I don't say anything. I can't. I know how happy it would make him and that's one of the reasons why I'm so reluctant in taking the stupid test. "It would make me deliriously happy…Anastasia…" He slurs my name and kisses my neck. "It would make me the happiest man ever…" He moves his hand on my stomach and sighs loudly. "My greatest wish is to become a father and I would be extremely disappointed if you weren't pregnant."

Finally, after a few minutes I feel his head getting heavy. He has finally fallen asleep.

When I'm sure that Christian is fast asleep I untangle myself from his hold, roll on my back and stare at the ceiling. Doesn't he understand that I just don't want to take that pregnancy test? What if I'm right? I know that Christian will be utterly disheartened, and so will I if I'm honest. I want it too, but I know that keeping my hopes up will only end in disappointment.

And even though I want a child as much as Christian does, who says I will be a good mother? It's clear that my mother's words have affected me in a lot of ways. Her actions and words still creep up in my mind a lot of times...mostly when I least expect it. I'm tossing and turning and I can't seem to fall asleep. I'm sad, angry and tired of thinking. The thoughts are running through my head and they won't stop. What if I'm pregnant? What if Christian is right? _"My_ _greatest wish is_ _to become a father and I would be extremely disappointed if you aren't pregnant."_ His words keep wandering through my head.

How often haven't I heard woman saying that they instinctively felt that they were pregnant? Why am I not feeling anything…something? I put both hands on my flat stomach and sigh. Maybe there is a little baby growing inside me and I don't even know it. I'll have to make sure, because I won't be like my mother. I just won't. I want to take care of this baby. I guess there is only one way to find out.

 **CPOV**

Fuck! My head…Christ. I hear a growl and it takes me a few seconds to realize that it's me making that disturbing sound. I bolt up as the memories of yesterday crash back into me. And where the fuck is Ana? As I bolt to the bathroom, my body is filled with panic. Did she leave? I don't find Ana in the bathroom. However there are at least twenty pregnancy tests thrown all over the bathroom floor. I bend down and I pick one up. **Not pregnant.** Then another, and another…they all say the same. **NOT PREGNANT.**

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I don't remember much of what I said before I fell asleep last night. Did I say something to her that upset her in such way that she felt she needed to take the test? Why didn't she wait for me? Why didn't she wake me? We should have done this together.

Anastasia is right…I _am_ an overbearing, controlling asshole. _And yesterday I turned into an overbearing, controlling and drunk asshole. Fuck!_

I find Ana sleeping on the couch in the living room. Her face is tear stained and what truly breaks my heart and fills my body with guilt is that she is clutching a pregnancy test in her hand. As I gently try to pry it of her hand she stirs and opens her eyes. She then glances from me to the test and then back at me. Her eyes immediately fill with tears and as she closes her eyes I see the tears falling down her cheeks.

"I told you…" She hoarsely says. "I told you, but you just wouldn't listen…" Ana covers her face with her arm and starts crying.

"Ana I'm sorry…you were right…you are right…but it's okay…we still have plenty of time…" I'm rambling and at the same time trying to comfort her by repeatedly kissing her temple.

"Is it Christian? Is it really all right? Because that's not what you said to me yesterday when you were drunk out of your mind…"

 _Oh fuck…what the hell did I say?_

"You don't even remember Christian…" She whispers.

"What did I say?"

"That it would make you deliriously happy if I happened to be pregnant…" Pushing me away from her she stands up and throws another test she was holding at the wall. "Are you fucking happy now Christian?" She yells.

"I told you again and again that I wasn't pregnant…but you just kept pushing me." She wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hand. She looks so heartbroken. So sad.

"There is nothing I want more then to be pregnant Christian…" She whispers and shakes her head sadly. "I asked you to give me a few days…until the end of this week, but you just couldn't…you just had to have your own way." I can't stand seeing her this way so I push her against my chest and cradle the back of her head.

"I didn't mean it that way baby…but we talked about this and you know how I stand in the matter. But it doesn't mean that I need or want that baby now…it's just that when you told me that you were uncomfortable I related those symptoms with being pregnant. I needed to be sure that…I just needed to be sure…" I whisper in her ear. Burying my face in her neck I relish in her sweet scent and close my eyes. I hurt her. Because of my need to control the situation I hurt her. _Why do I keep hurting her?_

"Please forgive me Ana." I whisper.

"There is nothing to forgive Christian." She replies robotically. "Go and take a shower, you are going to be late for work." And just like that I'm being dismissed.

* * *

The meetings have been non-stop since I entered GEH this morning. I haven't spoken with Ana since I left this morning. But that was this morning, it is now four in the afternoon. I won't be able to go home yet, since I have another two meetings planned that require my presence. My next meeting starts in five minutes.

Taylor has been keeping me informed. Ana spent the entire day in the library only coming out for lunch or to get something to drink.

During breakfast this morning, Ana was quiet and withdrawn. I watched her eating the yoghurt with granola that Gail prepared for her. She was forcing the yoghurt down her throat. Probably to avoid another discussion with me. Why did I have to behave like an idiot? Why did I insist on that fucking test? Even though she kept telling me that she wasn't pregnant. Guilt washes over me like a dark cloud. I felt that she wanted me gone. I don't know if it was because she needed the space or because she couldn't stand in being in my presence. Neither thoughts are very soothing. _On the contrary_ _._

"Mr. Grey, Mrs. Grey is on her way up." Andrea's voice comes through the intercom on my desk. Ana? Ana is coming up?

"Who my wife?" I ask eagerly.

"It's your mother Sir." Andrea sounds apologetic. What the hell does my mother want now? _Christ, just what I needed._

"Thank you Andrea."

"Christian." My mother comes walking into my office dressed impeccably in a beige dress. Her hair is pulled up in an elegant bun. The smile she is giving me doesn't reach her eyes, so there must be something wrong. Why else would she drive thirty minutes to my office?

"Hello mom." I kiss her cheek and ask her to sit. "I only have a few minutes mom, I have a meeting that starts in a few minutes."

"Where is your brother?" _Straight to the point._

"How the hell do I know mom?" Did she really come up here to ask me where Elliot is? She could have called, would have saved her a trip.

"Christian, I can't reach him nor Megan. I don't like the way they left the other day. I know something is wrong and I know that you and Ana know what the reason is." She stares at me. Her hands neatly folded in her lap.

"Mom." I count to ten to in my head to eliminate the irritation that is unfurling inside of me. _Fucking Elliot. I don't have time for this shit._

"Don't _mom_ me Christian Trevelyan Grey!" _Oh fuck! Full name. Not. good_. My mother has reached her limit.

" _Mother_." I say as I cock my head to the side. Her stern expression breaks a little as I see her mouth slightly curl into a smile.

"I don't know where my brother is." _Nor do I give a shit._ "And you are right, I actually do know what transpired between Megan and Elliot, but that is really not my story to tell." _Trust me._

"Christian." My mother starts but I silence her by holding my finger in the air.

"Elliot and Megan are grown people and even though you are our mother and we love you dearly, we don't have to tell you every little detail that transpires in our lives." _Stay out of it mom._

As is keep my eyes focused on my mother she blushes. "I'm just worried Christian. Elliot always takes my calls…"

"Just give him a little time, I'm sure he will call you soon."

"How is Ana doing?" I tense as she mentions my wife's name. _I don't know how she is doing. I only know that I hurt her and that she doesn't want to be in my presence._

"She is working from home today." I mutter and stand from my chair.

"Tell her I said hi and that I will call her soon. Her grandparents are coming next week aren't they?"

"I believe they are." _Just go mom._

"Good. I'm sorry for barging in here Christian. But are you sure your brother is all right?"

"Mom" I pinch the bridge of my nose and exhale deeply. _Christ._

"I will try to call him when I get home this evening. I will tell him that you are worried about them and if to call you as soon as possible." My mother beams at me and pats my arms.

"Thank you son."

* * *

The meetings are finally fucking over. As I take my laptop from the desk and turn to get the hell out of here Ros comes walking into my office. "Christian, I would really like to discuss yesterday's meeting with Mr. Long."

She is right, we actually should discuss it, but I want to go home. I want to see my wife again, hold her in my arms and tell her time and time again how sorry I am for my behavior yesterday.

"By the way you look like crap."

"Fuck you Ros. You have ten minutes."

"Ten minutes won't do Christian." She retorts and starts walking out of my office. "Tomorrow morning I expect you in my office at eight sharp!" She grins and starts walking out of the conference room. "By the way" she says turning around when she has reached the door. "I like my coffee black."

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and check it immediately. It's a message from Ana.

 ***I miss you. X Ana.** _Oh baby, I miss you too._

 _-I will be home in twenty minutes. Love you. Christian._ I really want to ask her if she has eaten, but I know this will only piss her off. Instead I control myself and put my phone back in my pocket.

The drive home has never felt so fucking long before. Traffic is a mess, even though it's already 7 pm. When Taylor finally parks the car in the underground garage I bolt out of the car before he has even turned out the engine.

There is soft music playing in the back ground as I enter the apartment. There are candles lit, covering almost every surface in the great room. Ana is standing with her back turned to me looking out of the window. She has her arms folded around her waist. She is wearing a white lace night gown…the same she wore at our first night in Kos. She looks breathtaking. She hasn't noticed my presence yet. What is going through that pretty head of hers right now? Is she as nervous as I am? Is she still mad?

"Hey" I say as I walk towards my wife.

She turns around startled and stares at me for what seems an eternity. Finally she takes a step forward and wraps her arms around my waist. Her face on my chest.

"I'm sorry" we both say at the same time. She shakes her head and leads me to the couch.

"I want to go first." She states.

"I'm sorry how I reacted yesterday and this morning Christian. I…I told you before I am terrified, anxious and excited at the same time about eventually becoming pregnant…if that makes sense at all." She mutters.

"Ana…" She cuts me off my squeezing my hand softly. "Please let me finish okay?"

I nod and pull her closer to me. Ana is now sitting on her knees, both of her hands have a tight grip on mine. Her clear blue eyes staring at me and fuck it's like the first time I looked into her eyes in Bainbridge Island. In just seconds I see different emotions running through her eyes.

"When you were talking to me yesterday…you know when you got drunk…I was so afraid…I was afraid that you might be right and that I would actually be pregnant…thoughts where running through my head it was confusing. My worst fear is that I end up being a shitty mother like … mine…" She looks away from me and starts to sniff.

"Christian…I feel so guilty…" She cries and buries her face in her hands.

"Why baby, there is nothing to feel guilty about…"

"Yes! Yes there is…" Abruptly she stands from the couch and starts pacing the great room. "I'm horrible Christian…I'm a horrible person…" She keeps repeating it time after time. Her eyes are glassy and it's it seems as if she is a thousand miles away with her thoughts.

"Ana. Stop it!" Her head jerks into my direction, her eyes boring into mine. "Don't you get it Christian…I was actually relieved that those tests turned out negative…I was fucking relieved!" She yells.

 _Relieved? She was relieved? I don't understand. Doesn't she want my baby?_

"Why?"

"Don't hate me Christian…please don't hate me…"

"Why Ana…"

"I don't know…I just don't know. God, this is so extremely confusing. I don't think I can explain my feelings." Ana replies exasperated.

"Try…Anastasia because you are the one confusing the shit out of me." I yell. She is staring at me wide eyed. All the color has left her face. With shaky knees she sits on the opposite couch and starts fidgeting with her hands. Fuck I can't take this anymore. I can't take her impassive behavior.

"For the love of God! Talk to me Ana! If you don't want to become pregnant with my child just say so and we will make an appointment with a gynecologist and you can start taking the shot again of whatever the fuck you want to do." She doesn't respond. She is retreating again. Slowly she pulls her feet on the couch and wraps her arms around her legs, her chin is resting on her knees while staring in the distance.

I walk to where she is sitting and crouch in front of her. "I'm sorry I yelled…but you have to give me something here baby…"

"I once read that a woman instinctively feels if she is pregnant…she feels it. In one way or another they somehow know that they are pregnant. I felt nothing…absolutely nothing, while you were convinced that I was pregnant…" She leaves the words hanging in the air. "I mean if I would have been pregnant I should have felt something right?" And then I started thinking ... while you were sleeping." Her eyes are still fixated on the same point on the floor. She hasn't looked at me yet. However, the tears are now freely falling down her cheeks. _Oh_ _Ana._

"So, I started thinking that being a bad mother was probably in my genes…otherwise I would have surely felt something…right. My mind went in overdrive and I pushed all my insecurities and fears aside…and took those pregnancy tests. When the first one came out negative I didn't think anything about it…but after the sixth test was negative…" She shrugs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

"I don't want to become like my mother Christian. So I was actually relieved that the tests were negative, because in my fucked up mind that meant that I was right. I haven't felt anything because I simply wasn't pregnant. Then after that feeling went away…I started feeling guilty. Why did I feel relieved? That's such a selfish thing to think…because I really want your baby Christian, don't ever doubt that please or my love for you. Please…it's me…not you…" I take her in my arms and I believe her. I believe everything she just told me, because I know that it's her mother's doing for these feelings she is experiencing. Carla fucking Adams.

"Ana, it's not you…it's what they did to you that makes you feel this way, that makes you have this thoughts. Please, remember what we talked about. Remember that you won't be alone in this. When we get pregnant we will do this together. You are an amazing person, and I know for sure that you will be an amazing mother when time comes."

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" She whispers.

"I'm sorry that I left you yesterday without saying where I was going. I'm sorry that I pushed you in doing those pregnancy tests…I'm extremely sorry for getting drunk…it's just that I can't bear the thought of anything being wrong with you. I know that you think I am an overbearing, overprotective, controlling son of a bitch, but I need to keep you safe and healthy…and if you happened to be pregnant…my job is to keep that baby safe too."

"I know…" Ana whispers and leans with her forehead against mine. "Why don't we try and focus on being happy…we just got married. Let us enjoy life Christian and focus on the good things. In a couple of day we have an appointment with the architect for our new house. We have so many things to look forward to." Her voice is barely a whisper.

"Please don't get mad at me, but I need to know." I pause briefly. "Are you still feeling nauseous?"

She tightens her hold on me and nods her head against my chest.

"Just promise me one thing Ana." I take her face in my hands and look in her sad eyes.

"Promise me that that you will make an appointment with a doctor…tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, I promise…"

I sit back on the couch and immediately she curls op next to me. Her head resting on my lap.

"Have you eaten yet Christian?"

"No."

"Come let's get you fed then." She says while she stands up from the couch.

"Have you eaten?"

"Yes, I did…I promise Christian. You can ask Gail if you want." She says sincere.

Ana is sitting next to me on at the breakfast counter, wanting to hear everything about my meeting with Mr. Long. Then she tells me about her day and about a manuscript she is reading right now that she thinks has potential to become a bestseller. That would be a huge development for Lambert Publishing.

"Are you finished?" She asks when I place my napkin back on the counter.

"Yes…why?"

"Because there is dessert and I waited for you for dessert." She says happy. "It's triple chocolate mousse cake…" She whispers.

The guilt and uneasy feeling I was experiencing through this entire day has waned off a bit. Am I disappointed that Ana is not pregnant? Absolutely. I was convinced that we were pregnant, and silently I was making all kind of plans for our future together with a little baby. Maybe in the future I will need to rely more on my wife's intuition. But the most important thing right now, is that Anastasia and I are back in a good place.

* * *

 **Hi all! Well here it is. Please remember, this story has a HEA. There will be no cheating or character deaths. Just keep that in mind.** _ **Eventually**_ **Christian and Ana's wish will be fulfilled, however they are going to encounter some bumps in the road first.**

 **As for the conversation between Christian and Taylor: It will be addressed again, but first Christian needs that 'come to Jesus' moment.**

 **Some of you think that Ana is 'sick', what can I say without spoiling things? I simply can't. Please, just trust me on this.**

 **Oh, someone pointed out that it was 'Sam-time'. I totally agree! He will be back of course!**

 **He is still that inquisitive, curious, little boy who challenges Christian every single time, and has him wrapped around his little finger.**

 **Now, this will be the last update for three weeks. This Saturday I'm leaving for a three weeks' vacation. To keep you occupied and entertained I would like to recommend the following stories: My mother the crack-whore by Koala Penguin, Singing your Shades by Don't trust your eyes, Christmas Seduction by Jaspers Sweetheart87 and of course all the stories written by Grey Girl 1989 and JustSunny. If you haven't read them yet please check them out!**

 **Thank you for reading and take care!**

 **X Alner**


	7. Chapter 7 - Hurt

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 7 – Hurt**

 **APOV**

That's it. I think to myself. I'm going home. Glancing at the clock I feel a pang of guilt flashing through my body. It's only three in the afternoon and even though my intention was to stay at least until five, but I can't. The back pain only got worse since this morning. What began as a dull, aching back pain has increased tenfold. I don't know if I should sit or stand ...Luckily the nausea is gone.

Just when I'm about to take my bag and call Sawyer, I hear a lot of commotion outside in the hall. Well, that can only be one person: _Christian._ How is it possible, that a person who is capable of moving with such grace can cause such an uproar? _Maybe, because he is yelling all the time?_ Poor Hannah…she is undoubtedly hiding behind her desk at this moment. That poor girl always starts shaking like a leaf every time Christian is nearby…which, by the way… is often.

The door swings open: "How many times do I have to fucking tell you not to call me. Fucking fix it!" He yells into his phone. "Hi baby…" The scowl that was on his face just one second ago has been replaced by Christian's sexy smile. _Mercurial much?_ Holding his long index finger in the air, silently asking me for a minute, he starts quickly tapping something on his phone…the scowl has returned _. I really wouldn't want to be the one receiving that text message._

It takes Christian less than 30 seconds. He shoves his phone into his pocket pants and focusses back on me. "How is my gorgeous wife doing?" _And back is his beautiful smile._

"Your wife was planning to go home, I was just going to call Sawyer."

"Why didn't you?" He saunters to where I'm standing and kisses my fore head.

"Because I was distracted…" I point with my chin towards the hallway and back at him.

"Ah, that must have been me…right?" He smirks and pulls me closer to him. "I was planning in going home too, I came here to convince you to come with me."

"Didn't you tell me you had a meeting at four?"

"It was cancelled…and I think I'm doing everyone a favor by leaving. I don't think it's wise to fire another person today." He adds with a grimace.

"Let's go then…" Christian takes my bag and shakes his head. "It will always remain a mystery to me why the hell you have to carry so much shit around baby…" he mutters under his breath. _Whatever Christian._

"Hannah, can you please give these reports to Mike, he is due back in about thirty minutes."

I place the file on her desk. Looking up I see that Hannah isn't alone. A tall, blonde who is not suitably dressed for the office, is standing next to her. Her beady eyes shamelessly wandering over my husband's perfect body.

"Certainly Ana…" Hannah replies with a tremor in her already soft voice. Her eyes shift to Christian. "Mr. Grey." She nods and pushes her glasses further up her nose.

"Hannah." Christian nods.

"And you are?" I ask the blonde who eyes haven't left my husband.

"Oh, uhm…yeah…my name is Ashley I work at the Finance Department." _AHA Ashley!_ Reluctantly I extend my hand to make myself acquainted with little Ms. I-bet-Mr.-Grey-has-a-big-dick.

"Anastasia Grey." That bitch doesn't even look at me as she shakes my hand. Her eyes are still on my husband.

"Mr. Grey…" She smiles. "I'm Ashley Porter." She extends her hand towards Christian who just stares at her without even attempting to meet her gesture.

"I know who you are Ms. Porter." Christian's voice is cold. "I've heard quite the stories about you…" He leaves the words hanging in the air, while pining her with his hard, cold stare. Ms. Porter's smile broadens.

"There is really no reason to smile Ms. Porter." Christian continues. "Because I can guarantee you that those stories aren't flattering at all. That is of course if you like to be called the office slut." _Oh shit._

Ms. Porter's hand goes limb, falling at her side. Hannah's face is bright red while she keeps staring at her computer.

"I usually don't participate nor do I want to hear office gossip, however you seem to have made yourself well known both at Lambert Publishing as well as at GEH.

There is no escaping the stories involving the ease in which you offer your body to men ... different men within one week that is ..." I'm amazed by Christian's demeanor. He is completely relaxed. One arm draped over my shoulder, his thumb slowly caressing my shoulder.

"I can assure you Ms. Porter that men are not fond of such behavior, woman like you are known as easy." Christian waves his hand in the air as is he is searching for the right words. But I know he isn't searching for words. He knows perfectly well what he wants to say to her. "You know…" Christian continues. "Until something better comes along." Christian pauses briefly, probably to give her some time to digest everything he just threw at her. However, knowing my husband I know he isn't finished thus far.

"Since we are having this excruciatingly horrendous conversation, Mrs. Porter, I would like to suggest to change your dressing style. Like your personality and behavior it's cheap and absolutely not fitting for the office. Lambert Publishing and Grey Enterprise Holding have an outstanding reputation. We have worked extremely hard to acquire said reputation and our intention is to keep it this way. Yet, in your case, that will be an almost impossible task. To make a long story short Ms. Porter this is our proposition; if you want to keep your job here at Lambert Publishing, I suggest that by tomorrow everything I have addressed has changed. Meaning, your clothing style and your behavior towards your male colleagues. If you think you can't handle this proposition, then you are free to submit your resignation. The choice is up to you." Christian nods his head ones, then he swings my bag he was holding in his hand over his shoulder and turns to look at me. "Ready to go baby, or was there anything else you wanted to add?" The little sparkle in his eyes tells me he enjoyed this. _So did I!_

"I'm ready Christian." I smile and turn to look at Hannah whose eyes are almost falling out of their sockets. "Hannah, you are almost finished with that manuscript?"

"Yes, Ana…" She nods eagerly. "I only need to make a few changes."

"Good, when you've finished go home, you don't want to miss your brother's birthday."

"But…"

"Hannah…please. Kate told me she is going to be here until later this evening. Tell her you left and let reception forward my calls to her."

"Thank you." She whispers.

"You're welcome Hannah."

"One more thing Ms. Porter." Christian says. "I want to make it perfectly clear that this isn't behavior we would normally accept from our employees, however considering the large amounts of debts you have we are willing to give you another chance."

With one last glance towards Ms. Porter, who is still standing on the same spot, with her mouth agape we leave for the elevator.

 **APOV**

I wake up with a sore head. God. It seems like I drank an entire bottle of wine. But actually I didn't have any wine at all. After we got home we sat down on the balcony where I probably fell asleep. Christian must have brought me to bed, since I am still wearing the same clothes as I was wearing to the office this morning. Christian is sitting next to me on the bed. He has exchanged his suit for his sweat pants and a black t-shirt. His laptop is resting on his lap and he is looking concentrated to something on his screen, his thumb grazing over his bottom lip. _Hot._

Not only do I have a headache, but I also have cramps and feel a pressing sensation on my lower back. Maybe it's an effect caused by the stress after my visit to Flynn yesterday. It has happened before, maybe this is the case now. It seems like my body has gone through the wringer. I bring my hand to Christian's arm and touch it gently.

"Hey, you're awake." He places his laptop on the bedside table and scoots down. We are now facing each other.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've been hit by a car."

I see him slightly frowning, his gray eyes skimming my face. With the greatest tenderness he then puts a loose tendril behind my ear and kisses the tip of my nose

"I think Gail has dinner almost ready, and she also made you your favorite dessert…chocolate cake." He winks.

"Did you have anything to do with that?" I say tracing his lips with my fingers.

"I might have told her." He shrugs and smiles shyly.

"That's so sweet Christian. But can we just lay down for one more minute…I want to lay in your arms. " I add quickly.

Christian immediately complies pulling me in his arms. I wince slightly when I move closer to him. Shit, my back really hurts. It feels like PMS, maybe it is PMS.

"Are you in pain Ana?"

"Just a little back pain…nothing to be concerned about Christian."

"Do you need a massage?"

"Maybe later, I first have to use the bathroom." I kiss his cheek and push myself out of the bed with a sigh.

I look down at my thighs and I'm shocked at what I see. My white pants are covered in blood. It's a huge blood stain. What is this?

I look behind me to where I was lying just a few seconds ago and see Christian's eyes following mine.

There is also a huge blood stain on the white satin sheets. How didn't I notice that?

"Ana…"

"Christian, will you please give me some privacy." I say cutting him off.

"Ana…that is a lot of fucking blood…that's not normal is it?" Christian sounds panicked, his face has gone pale, his eyes darting from me to the stain on the bed.

"Christian…please…" He ignores me and jumps out of the bed and comes to stand in front of me. His eyes are huge as they spot the blood on my white pants.

"Is your period always this heavy?"  
"Christian, please just go…"

"I'm not fucking leaving this room Ana. Just answer my question." _Stubborn, stubborn man!_

"I didn't have a period for a year now, not since I started with the depo-shot. And yes my periods were always heavy, however not this heavy" I add the last part whispering.

He starts pacing the room and pulling his hair. "This isn't normal Ana…I mean I'm definitely no expert in this, but I do know that this is not normal. I'm calling my mom." He says determined.

"You are not calling your mother Christian!"

"Then tell me who is your gynecologist Ana, I will call her immediately and Taylor will drive us to the hospital."

"You are not calling my gynecologist either." I'd rather not tell him now that my gynecologist is not a she but a him.

I stand up from the bed and it feels as if the back pain is getting worse by the minute and I feel dizzy.

"I will help you" Before I have the chance to reply, Christian has scooped me in his arms and carries me to the bathroom. He turns on the shower and starts undressing me. When he reaches my pants I take a step backwards.

"Please…let me" I start unbuttoning my pants and slide them down along with my panties and see to my horror that the blood loss is accompanied by clots. There are a lot of blood clots.

"Fuck Ana…" Christian whispers and I see him closing his eyes for a brief moment.

"I…I have cramps and back pain…the back pain is getting worse Christian." I whisper. I'm terrified. This doesn't look like a normal menstruation. Christian is right, this isn't normal.

"Let's clean you up first."

"Christian, you don't have to do this…I know you can't handle blood very well… "

He completely ignores my comment. A few moment later he has joined me in the shower.

The blood sliding down my legs. Without wetting my hair Christian starts washing me. But when he starts washing me between my legs I see the white washcloth immediately turning red.

"Fuck Ana."

I feel so weak and dizzy. And then the cramps intensify making me bend forwards. "Ana this is not good baby…the…the bleeding won't stop Ana…this is not good…" Christian's hands are trembling as is his voice.

Christian turns of the faucet and guides me out of the shower. He wraps a towel around my body and caries me to the bedroom.

"I'm going to place you on the bed baby and I'm going to get dressed quickly. I will be right back."

I close my eyes for a brief moment and hope that Christian returns quickly.

"I'm back." I hear after a few moments.

"Do we have some aspirin or Tylenol?"

"Sure baby." I hear him walking back to the bathroom and rummaging through the cabinets.

"I have Aleve, is that alright Ana?" I can hear at his voice that he is panicking. I am too, but I can't let him notice that.

"Yes, that's fine Christian. And there are tampons in my bag…could you please get them for me?"

"Where is your bag?"

"Great room I think."

When I hear the door close behind him I open the towel and look down. It seems as if the bleeding isn't stopping. I take the Advil with some water and lay back down on the bed.

Christian comes back into the room with my bag in his hands. "I can't find anything in that bag of yours Anastasia." He grunts.

I search through my bag and find what I was looking for. _He is right…I do carry some shit in my bag._

"Can you please, please give me a moment Christian?"

"Ana…"

"Please…"

"Fine…one minute. I will be standing right behind the door, call me if you need me."

He was probably timing because he comes back barging in the room at the exact moment I let myself fall back on the bed. I didn't even manage inserting the tampon…it's of no use.

"Christian can you look in the bathroom for sanitary towels?"

"Why…what's wrong…What do you need Ana? Are you sure you don't want me to call my mother?"

I swallow past the lump that is building in my throat. I have to keep cool. Christian is losing it.

"Christian, please sanitary towels…" His eyes are huge and he looks so scared.

"Don't worry Christian…as soon as the Advil starts having effect we can have dinner okay?"

"I asked Gail to prepare a heating pad. Do you need me to massage your back? Maybe it helps a little?" He is rambling obviously nervous.

"Sure I could use a massage." I say only to placate him, because in reality the only thing I want to do is curl up and sleep.

"Lay on your side baby." He says and sits behinds me.

I feel his strong hands sliding along my lower back. I close my eyes and concentrate on his hands and try to push the pain away. At the beginning it feels uncomfortable, but as he continues with his massage I feel the pain lessening, however the cramps are only getting worse.

"Does this feel good Ana? Am I hurting you? Because if you are hurting, just say so okay?"

If I weren't scared out of my mind I would find this funny. Nervous Christian is a cute Christian.

"It feels nice Christian…don't stop."

After a few minutes Christian asks me to turn on my other side and continues with his massage.

"Is it better now?"

"Yes it is…thank you. Will you please come and lay here with me?" He climbs over me and lays down on the bed facing me.

"I'm worried Ana…you look so pale baby" he says after a few minutes.

We hear a knock on the door and Christian jumps out of the bed and I hear him talking to Gail.

He comes back with a heating pad. "Where do you want it?"

"On my stomach." God, these cramps are horrible. It is very similar to menstrual pain, only a hundredth times worse...

"Gail said dinner is ready. Are you hungry?"

"Not very much."

"You need to eat Ana…and drink a lot of water…" _where does he get that idea from?_

"Okay I promise I will eat. Now relax Christian…"

I feel my eyes getting heavy, but Christian kisses my nose and urges me to sit up. "Come let's eat and then I will let you sleep baby."

He helps me getting dressed in one of Christian t-shirts and sweat pants. He takes me in his arms and carries me to the great room. "Christian…I…I think you need to call your mother or a doctor…I…I don't feel very well…"

With my eyes closed, clinging on Christian t-shirt I lean against his chest. Christian is moving and talking, but I have no idea what he is saying. It's like his voice is coming from far away. I'm really trying to hear what he is saying, but I somehow can't…I'm so cold…

 **CPOV**

She looks fucking pale. And no wonder with all the blood loss. I'm looking at her while holding her in my arms. Her head leaning against my chest, her small hand clinging at my t-shirt, her eyes closed. Her other hand is on her stomach.

"Ana…why don't you look at me?"

She is moving her legs restlessly back and forth as well as her head. She is softy moaning and her face is twisting with pain.

"Christian…I…I think you need to call your mother or a doctor…I…I don't feel very well…"

"Gail, bring me my phone…" I say without looking up.

"Hi mom, it's Christian."

"Oh hey son, I was just telling Melissa…"

"I'm sorry mom but I need you to come to Escala…its Ana."

"What happened is she sick?"

"I don't know mom…there is so much blood and clots and she is so pale and she is moaning" I'm telling her everything as fast as I can.

"I can't follow you honey. Please calm down. Now tell me what her symptoms are." My mother asks patiently.

"Blood loss a lot…mom please get over here."

"Does she have a fever?"

"I don't know mom…she said she was having back pain and she felt dizzy and she was cramping…mom I don't know what to do."

"Christian, what color are the clots you mentioned." My mother voice has changed into doctor's mode. _I don't like it._

"Mom…"

"Christian" She says sternly. "What color?"

"Grayish mom…the…the clots where a grayish color." I hear myself say and barely recognize my own voice.

"I want you to take her to the hospital right away Christian. I will call the ER and have them prepare a room for her."

"ER…mom what's wrong with her?"

"I am not sure yet, but don't panic Christian. You have to be strong for her. Now I will see you in a few minutes at the hospital." With that she ends the call.

I run to Taylor and Sawyer who are sitting at the security office. "Ana has to go to the hospital right away. Prepare the car, I will meet you downstairs in a few minutes."

When I return to the great room Ana has shifted and is now laying on the couch. She has her knees drawn up to her stomach.

"Don't leave me alone Christian, you can't leave me alone."

"I won't…I promise Ana…I won't leave your side…"

When we finally arrive at the hospital I see my mother already at the entrance waving at us.

I step out of the car with Ana in my arms and I see the concern written on my mother's face.

She tenderly wipes the hairs that have fallen on Ana's face away and kisses her fore-head.

"We have a stretcher ready for her, Christian."

"No, I will carry her…" I reply stubbornly. I look at Taylor and Sawyer and see the tension radiating off them.

I see my mom talking to a nurse and I follow her into one of the rooms. The room is fucking small and there are already two nurses patiently waiting for us at the bed.

They probably want for me to lay her down, but somehow I don't want to. I feel like the moment I lay her down, I will lose all control about what they are going to do with her.

"Sir, please lay her down and we can start with the examination." The eldest nurse asks without even looking at me.

I lay her down carefully, but Ana doesn't let go of my shirt. "Ana, I'm going to put you down now baby."

Her eyes are big and the tears are brimming in her eyes. "Don't cry please…everything will be fine. My mom is here and she won't let anything happen to you."

Her eyes search through the room until she finds my mother. My mother gives her a warm smile and takes her hands in hers.

"We are going to ask you a few questions now." The older nurse starts talking again.

"From what Dr. Trevelyan told us, you are having heavy blood loss with clots is that right?"

Ana responds nodding her head.

"What color was the blood Mrs. Grey?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" I bellow. "The blood was fucking red!"

"Sir, I asked your wife a question and not you. Now please, if you can't behave I will have you immediately removed from the room." The nurse says sternly. _Over my dead fucking body that I am leaving this room._

"No…no my husband needs to stay..." Ana says firmly taking hold of my hand.

"The blood was bright red and the clots were a gray color." Ana replies quickly.

"We are going to change you in a hospital gown and wait for the attending doctor to examine you."

After whispering something in Ana's ear, my mother leaves the room, probably to give Ana some privacy.

"Have you experienced something like this before Ms. Steele?" The blond nurse asks.

"No, I haven't had my period since I started with the depo-shot." It doesn't escape me the glance that the two nurses exchange.

"Are you in pain right now?"

"Yes. I have cramps and back pain…the cramps have gotten worse." She whispers.

"Who is your gynecologist?" The nurse starts undressing Ana while she keeps asking questions.

"Dr. Stanford." Ana mumbles.

"Dr. Peter Stanford?" The nurse asks. _Peter? Peter?_ What the fuck? Ana has a male gynecologist?

The nurses keep asking Ana questions which she is trying to respond as quick and as best as possible. Nevertheless, I notice that she is shaking and that she has trouble keeping her eyes open.

"What the fuck is keeping that doctor?"

"My colleague already paged her Mr. Grey…she will be here in a minute…"

Just as the nurse had predicted the door swings open within a minute and a female doctor walks in. Shit, it's Dr. Greene ... the gynecologist which I used for my submissives. She is followed by a nurse who is pushing a strange looking trolley with a device one it. I don't know if Dr. Greene recognizes me or not and honestly at this moment I don't even care. I just want my wife to be okay.

My eyes fall on my mother who is silently standing in a corner of the room. She is wringing her hands and she looks so broken. I have never seen my mother look like this. Normally she would be participating in the conversation, this time she doesn't.

"Mom, are you all right?"

"Of course Christian. Look I'm going to step outside for a minute and give you some privacy…" I watch her visibly swallow and tears are threatening to fall from her eyes. "Stay with Ana and be strong for her Christian…you need to be strong do you hear me?"

"Mom, you are scaring me." I say when I hear the panic in her voice.

"Just be strong for her Christian." She replies cupping my face in her hands.

"I will mom…" I choke.

"Mrs. Grey, my name is Dr. Green. We are going to perform an ultrasound, it's a transvaginal exam. I am going to insert a probe into your vagina to get an image of the uterus and fallopian tubes.

"Okay, but I'm not pregnant Dr. Green." Ana whispers.

"Based on your symptoms and the physical exam you are having a miscarriage." Ana's head turns to me. Her eyes big and uncertain.

"But we did several pregnancy tests…they were all negative." Ana tries again.

"There may be various reasons for a pregnancy test to come out negative, Mrs. Grey. I will discuss that with you later ..." Dr. Green replies without any emotion.

"Why are you doing an ultrasound if you are so sure my wife is having a miscarriage?"

"I use the ultrasound to establish the diagnosis, and to determine if the pregnancy is viable."

"What does viable mean Dr. Greene…just talk English!" I almost shout at her.

"That means that I want to determine if this pregnancy is capable of progressing to term…" She says firmly and glaring at me. _What a fucking bitch._

While the doctor is doing the exam on Ana my thoughts are a jumbled mess. A miscarriage…Ana is having a miscarriage, because that is what Dr. Greene is saying right? So I was right after all. She was pregnant! But how come that those tests came back negative. This is all my fault, I should have followed my instinct, I should have taken Ana to see a doctor sooner, and maybe this could have been prevented.

A few minutes later Dr. Green has ended the examination and turns to face us while she is pulling of her gloves.

"Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey…I'm sorry…"

"What is it doctor…?" Ana whispers. Her body is rigid, her face so very pale and tear stained. She is looking from me to the doctor her hands clutching the sheets.

 **APOV**

A miscarriage. I just had a miscarriage. I feel numb, sad, guilty and angry. I am incredibly angry. I look at Christian who looks devastated. His shoulders are slumped, both hands in his pockets. He is talking in a hushed tone with his mother in the furthest corner of the room. "Ana are you all right darling? Can I get you something? Would you like something to drink?" Grace asks like only she can. Loving and sweet. However, I don't want loving and sweet right now. I want to scream and cry…I just want to go home. I don't want or need anything right now, I just want to get out of here. I want to curl up in my bed and pretend like this horrible nightmare never happened.

 _A complete miscarriage_ , Dr. Greene told us. _There is no treatment needed. The cervix is closed and there is no sign of a pregnancy sac in the uterus_ , she informed us cold and clinical. For a moment, I considered strangling her with the ultrasound cord. I know it's rude, but I just turn my face towards the wall. Why don't they leave me alone? Why don't they hurry with those damned discharge papers? From my peripheral vision I see Grace leaving the room and Christian approaching the bed.

"Come on baby we can go home, my mom said she would take care of the discharge papers…"

* * *

"Can I get you something to eat or drink Ana?" Christian asks while fluffing my pillow.

"No thank you…" He looks so lost and so hurt right now. He completely went nuclear in the hospital when Dr. Greene started talking about the statistics of miscarriages in early pregnancies. He probably feels guilty, just like I do. He probably thinks we could have done something, even though the doctor told us that it wasn't our fault, but most likely a chromosome problem. Something probably went wrong at the point of conception and our baby received too many or just not enough chromosomes.

"Can I lay down with you?" Christian asks uncertain.

"I would love to Christian." Relief flashes through his eyes. Did he think I would tell him to sleep elsewhere? I push the duvet back and wait until Christian returns from the bathroom. With a smile that doesn't reach his eyes he crawls into bed with me and takes me in his arms. "Are you comfortable?" I shrug.

"Are you in pain…and I want the truth Ana."

"The cramps are nothing compared to this evening. The pain relief Dr. Greene gave me is working."

"Please let me know if you need anything okay Ana?"

"Okay…now sleep Christian…"

"I love you Ana…"

"I love you too Christian. Very, very much."

Closing my eyes and feeling Christian's body against me I try to sleep. I am really trying exceptionally hard, but somehow I can't. The feelings are just too overwhelming. The events that occurred this evening flashing through my brain. Quickly I open my eyes as the face of Dr. Greene appears again…Christian's facial expression…a mixture of pain and disbelief.

" _Based on your symptoms and the physical exam you are having a miscarriage, There may be various_ _reasons for a pregnancy test to come out negative… "What does viable mean Dr. Greene…just talk English!"_

" _That means that I want to determine if this pregnancy is capable of progressing to term…"_

Fuck! It hurts…it hurts so much…I was pregnant with a little boy or girl…and now it's gone…it's gone…And then it dawns on me…I freeze and turn my hands into fists…my nails digging into my skin…I knew it…I fucking knew it…I'm not meant to be a mother…I didn't even feel that I was pregnant…a good mother feels it right? That's what I've been reading on internet anyway…

I'm just not fit to be a mother…


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 8 – Grey Intervention**

 **CPOV**

"So how are you feeling Christian?" I chose to sit in the library for my meeting with John. However, with hindsight it might have been better to sit in my office because everything here reminds me of Ana... The big brown leather chair she always sits in when she is reading, the tartan still positioned in the same way as she left it since she sat here a few days ago. My eyes wander through the room where I see a pile of manuscripts laying on the desk she sometimes works on. One of the manuscripts is open. Then my eyes dart to the pictures on the desk. Most of them are pictures of us together. Pictures of our wedding, pictures at the cottage. There is even a picture of me sleeping from the one time I took her on the Grace.

And even though those pictures where only taken a few weeks ago, it seems like an eternity. At that time we felt incredibly happy. At that time we weren't consumed by this overwhelming gut-wrenching pain. The word 'miscarriage' didn't even exist in our vocabulary. There are only smiling faces on those pictures. Bliss. Happiness. Joy…And now? That happiness seems to be slipping through my fingers, unable to hold on to it. _I can't allow that to happen._

"Christian?" John says.

"Sorry John, what were you saying?" I sit on Ana's chair and brace myself.

"I asked you how you were feeling."

I shrug at his stupid question. How does he think I'm feeling?

"Honestly John. I feel like shit. I haven't talked to my wife in two days. I feel lost. And I have never felt so much pain as I am feeling right now."

"You haven't talked?" John asks and writes something down on his notebook.

"No, we haven't."

"Why?" He stops writing and looks at me.

"I don't know. I don't want to hurt Ana by bringing it up. And I honestly don't know what to say to her. I can't comfort her. I can't make things go away…" Raking my hands through my already disheveled hair I look at him. "Help me John…because I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Christian I have never seen two people more in love than you and Ana. And while a miscarriage will affect your relationship, you have to remember that you can rebuild your relationship after a miscarriage. I can advise you to talk about it. Confide in someone you trust. This may be Ana, or a relative or friend. Give it time. Try to not feel frustrated at yourself or Ana if the grief sticks around longer that you anticipated. And if the grief gets to overwhelming you might consider in visiting a bereavement counselor."

I nod at him while I digest what he just told me. Dr. Greene mentioned a counselor but at that time we were too devastated. We just wanted to leave that horrific place.

John takes a sip from his coffee and leans back in the chair. His fingers are now stapled in front of his mouth.

"However, it is extremely important that you keep communicating with each other. You have to try not to spare each other. Acknowledge you loss as well as the emotions you are feeling. Confiding in one another is one of the most important things couples can do after experiencing a miscarriage in order to cope. Sharing your feelings and truly listening to one another can help you understand what the other person is going through. Another thing is that you and Ana will often experience different feelings and reactions about what happened. This is normal Christian. Although you may be experiencing different emotions, you can still support one another."

"I don't even know if she still wants children John." I whisper. I am not even sure I want children anymore. I think I do, but I'm really not sure. I honestly don't know if I can go through this again. All that blood, the pain Ana had to go through. I will never forget the look on her face when she was holding her stomach and telling me that it hurt so much. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose what we have. We are still young, we still have time.

"The best way to find out is to talk about it. Don't avoid the big elephant in the room Christian. Talk to Ana. Discuss your insecurities."

John clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably in the chair. "I also want to warn you that sexual intimacy is also often affected by the loss of a baby. While you may feel that intercourse is a way to provide Ana with affection and comfort, Ana may not feel emotionally or physically ready. Ana may associate sex with pregnancy and therefore another potential miscarriage…"

"Do you really think I'm such a caveman John? For fucks sake!" I growl. "She is my wife, I love her, and I don't want to hurt her or force her into something she is not ready for. I will let her set the pace."

At the end of our talk John hands me the phone number of a bereavement counselor and not to hesitate to contact him if I felt the need to talk.

While John talks to Ana I wander through the library, lost. I take our wedding picture in my hand and brush my finger along Ana's belly. Our baby was probably with us at that moment. He was a part of our happiness. He was part of our lives. No matter how short his life has been. I will have to talk to Ana about this. I need something to remind me that he has been here with us. We need something tangible. Our little baby will not be forgotten.

I miss Ana…I miss my wife. It has been two days since the miscarriage and Ana changed completely. She hasn't been out of the bedroom these past two days. She only gets out of bed to shower. She even eats in the bedroom…actually she doesn't eat, she only plays with the food. In addition she refuses to talk to anyone. She even refused to talk to her grandparents who unfortunately can't come over from Boston because of the flu. My mother also called several times but to no avail. Ana refuses to talk to anyone…except me.

The only interaction I have with Ana, is when I lay down next to her and she moves closer to me, clinging at my t-shirt. When I tell her how much I love her, she tells me she loves me too.

She hasn't cried though. The only thing she does is stare. I am afraid that she might be in some kind of denial or shock.

I can honestly say that I feel lonely for the first time since I met Ana.

I'm lost for words, I don't know how to comfort my wife. If she is feeling the same hurt and anguish as I am and I know she is, then there are no words that can give you comfort. None…The emotions going through my mind are the most extreme feelings of pain, loss and inability to cope. But I need to stay strong for her…I can't let her show how totally out of control I feel. I need to take care of her and most importantly I have to make her feel safe. But how do I do that when I am practically falling apart myself?

And then there is the guilt. It is eating me up alive. I have read every single fucking article online regarding miscarriages. And they all will tell you the same: _One in the four pregnancies end in a miscarriage, 60 percent of_ _these are due to genetic abnormalities, often a tripling or a chromosome._ A genetic abnormality; our little baby probably didn't develop normally right from the start and simply couldn't survive. _Our little baby…Our little baby was taken away from us without any explanation or reason. Gone…_

And then there is Dr. Greene, I honestly wanted to rip her fucking head from her body. I never in my life have met such a cold hearted bitch. One thing I know for sure, is that Ana won't be seeing her again. Ever.

Just when I want to turn around and bring Ana a glass of freshly made orange juice and a homemade chocolate muffin, Sawyer comes walking in the kitchen. "Mr. Grey, your parents are on their way up."

"Thank you Sawyer, ask them to make themselves comfortable. I will be right back."

"Very well Sir."

Ana is sitting on the chaise lounge with a soft gray blanket covering her legs. Her hair is in a side braid and it seems as if she has a little more color on her face then the last couple of days.

"Hi" I say and place the orange juice and the chocolate muffin on the little glass table next to the chaise lounge. I crouch in front of her so that I'm able to look in those amazing eyes. _God, she looks so sad._

"Hi" She replies back softly, her eyes darting to me. _Say something to her!_ _Sooth her!_

"Feel like going to the cottage?" I ask and start nervously fidgeting with the tip of her braid. Her hair so soft and the smell of jasmine and Ana. A scent that gives me comfort and makes me feel at home. The urge to take her in my arms, and tell her, promise her even that everything is going to be okay, is overwhelming. The thing is I can't…it wouldn't be fair, because it's not okay. I, Christian Grey…Master of the fucking universe, king of my castle, billionaire, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holding, can't fix this. I can't take away the pain that my wife is enduring right now. All this fucking money isn't helping me. I can't bring back our baby. No matter what.

"Just you and me?" I see a little bit of hope reflected in her blue eyes.

"Just you and me…would you like that Ana?"

She nods and immediately her eyes fill with tears. We desperately need this time together.

"I will make the arrangements." Pushing my lips against her forehead I close my eyes and urge my own tears to stay away. I can't break down in front of her.

"My parents just arrived. How about if we leave in one hour?"

"Okay…I'll be ready…" She whispers and turns her head back to look out of the window.

Reluctantly I turn around and walk towards the door. "Christian…" She whispers when I'm about to open the door.  
"Yes Ana…"

"I love you…I really do…"

"I know Ana…and I love you too…"

"Dad…" We awkwardly hug. Hugging my dad still feels alien.

"Hello baby boy." My mother takes me in a hug and suddenly I feel the urge to cry. To hold her and cry. But I don't. I can't. So, instead I give her my best smile and kiss her fore head. _My mom._

"Is Ana in the bedroom?" My mother asks.

"Yeah…we are leaving for Bainbridge in a bit." I shrug.

"That's good. We only came by to check up on you." She states and looks at my dad. "I will be back in a minute. Just want to check up on Ana." With a last squeeze at my hand she smiles and walks in the direction of our bedroom.

"Christian, son…how are you doing…" My dad sits back on the couch and crosses his legs. He probably didn't go into the office today, since he isn't wearing his suit.

"I'm fine dad." I quickly answer him trying to push away the pain that is slowly unfurling in my chest.

"Don't bullshit me son. You look like you haven't slept in days." My dad has his head cocked to the side. _That's because I haven't._ I think to myself.

"How is Melissa? Have you heard anything from Mia?" I ramble trying to distract my dad, while I stand up and to walk to the kitchen. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

My dad doesn't reply, he follows me into the kitchen where he sits on one of the barstools.

"I'll have what you have son…"

I turn around to open the refrigerator and take the time to get two bottles of water. Everything to delay the conversation that is looming. I point to a glass of water. With a single shake of his head my father rejects it and takes the bottle from me. I'm sure my dad didn't come here to talk business. I can see it on his face. He wants to talk about what happened. And I'm not sure if I'm able to talk…or want to talk about it.

"Mia is fine, you mother called her the other day after she returned from the hospital. Mia is worried about Ana and you of course…and Mel is dying to see Ana."

"Tell Mia she needs to stop worrying dad, we'll be all right." I mutter with as much strength as I can muster, because reality is we are not all right, far from all right actually. "She called me several times, but I just couldn't handle talking to her…" I admit.

"Now Christian tell me son, how are you feeling?"

Different thoughts are running through my head right now and I am not even sure if I am brave enough to share them with my own father.

"Do you feel guilty?" He asks pinning me with his stare.

"Yes…I do feel guilty dad. I suspected since we were in Greece that Ana was pregnant, but you know my wife…you know how freaking stubborn she can be…" I stop suddenly realizing where I'm heading.

"You blame Ana?" My dad asks astonished. "She is not to blame Christian…"

"Dad, I told her time and time again to take that damned pregnancy test…and she refused. She fucking refused. What else am I supposed to think." Leaning with both hands on the counter I close my eyes. "I blame myself too you know. I should have dragged her to the hospital. I should have made her see a doctor. She wasn't feeling well…I failed her dad, but most importantly I failed our child."

"Christian, I don't know how to say this without sounding harsh or insensitive. But it wasn't meant to be. Your baby wasn't meant to be born. It happened for a reason. I know that this isn't consoling and finding a meaning in this tragedy is very personal and I know that in your anger and your grief you want to blame someone. But it's not fair, because it doesn't matter if Ana had taken that pregnancy test in Greece. Christian, it isn't fair to blame Ana." I hear my dad taking a sharp intake of breath.

"Christian, tell me…do you honestly think that Ana wanted that something happened to your baby?"

"No…no of course not…I am sure that Ana will be a wonderful mother. And I know she would have loved our child no matter what…because that's just the way she is…" As is say the words it hits me right in the face that I was actually blaming my wife for our babies death. Fuck I need to talk to her. I need to hold her. I need to know that we are going to be all right.

I finally find the strength to look up at my dad, who has been looking at me since we've reached the kitchen. He is staring at me with an undefinable look in his face. It's like his mind is miles away. Finally he looks down and starts fidgeting with the label on the bottle.

"The first time we were pregnant, was when we were married a little over six months. Your mother was so happy…and so was I…"He meets my eyes but averts them quickly. "The day we found out we were pregnant we announced it to our best friends at the time and that same evening when we got home your mother started to bleed…you can say that it was a day of highs and lows. That afternoon, people were so happy for us, then that evening we stood at the front counter of an emergency room and then I said to the receptionist one short sentence I will remember forever; _I think my wife is having a miscarriage._

Your mother knew what was happening, but she was in denial, telling me over and over again that it could be something else…I guess she was trying to convince herself too…but I knew better…there was just too much blood." My dad takes a deep breath and it seems as if he is trying to compose himself. "Your mother and I spent four hours in the examination room. The doctor told us it was an early pregnancy loss. I sat on a chair beside her, because there was nothing I could do. Doctors and nurses came by to draw blood, ask questions, write on forms, look, probe, touch, and talk. I felt absolutely helpless."

My dad takes a sip from his water and grabs a muffin from the counter.

"Then…two months later we got pregnant again…and again this pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, however the pregnancy was far more advanced this time and we saw our child that time, partially developed, tiny and gray and still. In our minds, it was a girl, although we never found out for sure. We called her Faith…"

"Dad, I didn't know…fuck I didn't know you had to go through that…" I brush my hands through my hair and pull at the ends. My dad simply shrugs and smiles sadly. "You never asked son…besides this isn't a topic that you discuss during dinner…and I guess there was never a reason to bring it up…"

We stare at each other for a long time. Both not knowing what to say. "Son, I didn't tell you this because I want you to feel bad for us, it was a long time ago and even if your mother and I never forgot about it…life does goes one. Besides we have four wonderful children…"

Shifting in his seat he continues. His face solemn.

"When I met your mother, she made it pretty clear after things started to get serious, that she wanted to have children once we were married. I wanted that too of course, and it never ever occurred to me that we wouldn't be able to have children. A miscarriage was something that happened to other people, it was something abstract...it only existed in my thoughts, but it didn't have a physical or concrete existence." Putting his bottle of water back on the kitchen counter my dad looks at me for what seems the longest time. "Christian, miscarriages …they just happen. Sometimes there's an underlying cause that can be addressed, but often there's essentially nothing that anybody can do to prevent them. Doctors will tell you that it's the body's way of cleansing something that wasn't meant to be. There's no reason. Just mystery, and vagueness. Something to wonder about, but not understand. Yet each miscarriage is heartrending. And as a man you find yourself in a unique spot. As a man you are the silent sufferer, the one called upon to support and encourage and comfort. Yet inside you are as equally torn up as your wife, as unsure of what to do next, as grief-filled, discouraged, and aching."

My dad is staring at me. Inside of me I feel the hurt and pain unfurling itself…it is urgently seeking a way to get out…but I can't…I can't fall apart. I have to be strong. I have to be strong for Ana. I bite the inside of my cheek to divert my thoughts from the pain in my chest. It's too much…so with as much force as I can muster I throw the half-empty bottle of water against the kitchen wall. "Fuck dad…I…I don't know what to do…I just don't know what to do…"

"Son, it's okay…just let it out…" My father is now standing next to me and has his hand on my shoulder.

"Tell me what I need to do dad…what do I do to get rid of that horrible feeling? What can I do to make Ana feel better?"

"Come here Christian…" My father who isn't a man who shows his affection easily, pulls me into a hug. My face against his shoulder, my hands gripping his shirt.

"It is my job to keep my wife safe and happy dad…and I failed…I failed her, I failed our little baby dad…"  
"Christian, your job is to love your wife. I am not going to lie to you son, this can tear you apart or bring you closer together. You and Ana are on the same team…regardless of what difficulties life throws at you. Let Ana know that no matter what happens, whether you go through another miscarriage, or you can't get pregnant, you are going to get through it together, and you'll work through everything together, come what may. As a man…be the first to take initiative. Reaffirm your love for each other again and again…no matter what. Let her know you'll be at her side."

Leaning in he whispers in my ear. "I want you to remember one thing son, this isn't your fault, or Ana's. Stop feeling guilty, this miscarriage was out of your control, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening. Focus your energy on your marriage…"

 **APOV**

Since this morning, I have been imagining how it could have been if I didn't have had the miscarriage. What if the test would have come out positive? Christian would have probably gone from loving and protective husband to over-loving, over-worried and over-protective daddy. I would have loved to have seen a smile on his face if I would have been pregnant…how would it feel like I wonder? Would I feel different? Happy…elated, scared, anxious? Probably…I know I would have been scared…terrified even…but now I only feel intense grief and guilt. The sad thing is that the doctor couldn't even tell us how far along my pregnancy was. Christian even asked the doctor to do tests or investigations, but Dr. Green simply refused saying that tests are only conducted if a woman has had three or more miscarriages in a row.

After the visit from Flynn I try to keep my negative thoughts at bay.

From the bed I watched him make himself comfortable in one of the big chairs in our bedroom. His legs crossed, his stupid black notebook resting on his legs and his pen on top of the stupid black notebook. And then he started asking all different kinds of questions. I never answered one of them though. My thoughts and feelings have been a complete mess since Dr. Greene told us that we had a miscarriage. When Flynn was seated in that room I didn't know what to feel or what to think. Do I want to get pregnant again? Was I even fit to be a mother? Does Christian still want to have children? Before I answered one of his many questions, Christian and I needed to talk. I didn't want to talk to Flynn. I actually didn't want to talk to anyone. Only Christian. Eventually, when I didn't respond to any of his questions, he began his one-sided monologue.

"We already discussed your relationship with your mother at lengths. And even though you are ignoring all of my questions I know that your biggest fear and the question you have been repeating to yourself over and over again is, if you are able in being a good mother." He then paused for a while, probably waiting for a reaction on my part.

"Unfortunately, it is a fact that your relationship with your mother wasn't healthy. And we know it can be very difficult to overcome an emotional abusive relationship especially if it's your mother. The wounds sustained can run deep. Still, with determination and hard work, you can put the pain of your past behind you and move on to something better." Flynn paused again and just stared at me. Anger was cursing through my veins. Determination and hard work? What had I been doing the last two and a half months? I worked my ass off in those horrible sessions, rehashing those horrible memories of what happened during my time in Vegas, time and time again. Clenching my hands into fists I closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply. And that's when it hit me. I am nothing like my mother. I would never neglect my child. I would never let a man hit my child. I would never choose a man over my own child. Never. When my eyes locked with Flynn is saw a small smile playing on his lips. He then left after five minutes.

Pushing the blanket from my legs I stand up and spot the orange juice on the little table. This is so typically Christian. So caring and loving. I'm sure he even asked Gail to make me these chocolate muffins especially for me.

Standing in our walk-in closet I grab a pair of jeans and a white-blue striped sweater. Even though the sun is shining, the temperature has dropped significantly these last few days. Rubbing my hands along my cheeks numerous times, I try to get some color back on my face. I look like shit.

With my shoes in one hand and my jeans jacket in the other I leave our walk in closet and find Grace standing in our bedroom.

"Hi Grace." I say meekly and keep rooted on the same spot.

"Hello sweetheart." With her ever present smile she walks towards me and takes me in one of her loving embraces. I allow myself to loose myself in her embrace. For a little while I close my eyes and wish that everything would go away. The hurt, the guilt, the pain and that horrible empty feeling. I just wish I could turn back the time and to be back in Greece. In Greece Christian and I stayed in a precious bubble for almost three weeks, away from the outside world. I wish I would have taken that pregnancy test earlier. Maybe it could have been prevented. I wish, I wish, I wish…

With my hands limbs on both sides of my body I revel in Grace's warmth and love. I close my eyes very tight and pray that I don't start crying. But then Grace carefully starts brushing her hands along my head and rocking me back and forth. She is whispering sweet little things in my ear and I break down. Dropping my jacket and my shoes on the floor, I grab both sides of her black jacket and start crying inconsolably, my face buried in the soft fabric.

"It's okay sweetie…it's okay…" Grace just keeps soothing me, rocking me back and forth.

"No, it's not okay Gr…Grace…it's not okay. It…it hurts so much…" I cry.

"I know…I know Ana…but it's okay to grieve, it's okay to feel the hurt and pain and emptiness…"

I don't know how long I cried, all I know is that the next moment I opened my eyes, Grace and I where both sitting on the floor.

"Ana, I'm didn't came here to force you into talking to me, because believe me I know all too well how you are feeling right know." Grace has a light tremor in her voice, which makes me look up at her.

"Carrick and I had two miscarriages before we decided to adopt." She says taking my hands in hers.

"I'm sorry…" I croak.

"It's okay Ana. It was a long time ago and Carrick and I have the large family we always dreamed off." Grace says while she cautiously wipes my tears away with her handkerchief.

"I just came here to tell you that it is okay to feel alone, hurt and maybe even guilty."

"But Grace, Christian and I just had a huge fight a few days ago…I…I…" I shake my head and try to gather my thoughts. "I was experiencing some symptoms and Christian tried several times in letting me take a pregnancy test…but I just kept holding it off." I burry my face in my hands. I feel so ashamed. "Eventually I took the test, actually several tests and they were all negative." I force myself to look at my mother in law. "My feelings where all over the place Grace, but at some point I even felt relieved…I was so scared…so scared. And that was all because of the things my mother put into my head…and Christian was so sad, he was so disappointed…he thought that it was because of him, that I didn't want his baby…but that isn't true Grace, I promise. And now…now we have lost our baby and I feel so empty and it hurts so much." I say rambling. But I'm somehow relieved that I got this all out of my system.

"Oh Ana, every woman experiences feelings like that. One moment you feel elated and so happy because you're pregnant, and then suddenly you feel overwhelmed and scared."

Grace shifts and pulls my head on her lap. "As for the lies your mother fed to you Ana…I'm not telling you to just get over it, because I know that it takes years of building up your self-confidence, but you are not your mother. You are you. A wonderful, loving and caring young woman. You have Christian, who worships the ground you walk on. You have loving grandparents who would do anything to help you and then there is us. We are all here for you Ana. You are not alone."

We sit like that for a long time. Grace leaning against our bed and me lying with my head on her lap.

"Even though you and Christian are the only ones who truly understand what it is to cope with these emotions, it can provide your relationship with a more intimate bond. However a miscarriage can also put a strain on your relationship. Just remember that men have different ways to express their grief. Keep communicating Ana. Keep talking about your feelings, no matter how difficult it sometimes is."

"How did you cope Grace?"

I sit up and cross my legs and look at Grace. As she thinks about my question, I see various emotions passing her face.

"I didn't" She confesses staring at the wall. "After our first miscarriage I jumped back to work after a few days…I was so angry." She looks at me and I see the tears brimming in her eyes. "People are harsh in their comments; telling us that we were still young." Smiling sadly she adds. "I was so angry, I just couldn't shake that anger off of me. It was all-consuming, like it was the only thing that kept me going. At one moment one of my co-workers said; _oh, it is not a big deal, you where still so early in your pregnancy, it's not like it was a baby_. I snapped and slapped her." Grace shrugs. "I am really not a violent person Ana, but something broke inside of me. Comments like that make your grief illegitimate."

Grace is silent for a long time. "After a few months I became pregnant again. I can't even describe how we felt when we found out. It was an incredibly happy moment, but somehow there was that fear lingering at the surface. I was twenty weeks along when we lost our baby." Grace wipes the tears from her face. "This time I couldn't cope at all. I didn't talk to anyone, not even Carrick. I shut everyone out, thinking I could handle it all by myself, but I couldn't have been more wrong. I fell in a depression. Carrick finally persuaded me in talking to a psychologist. Carrick and I attended those sessions together. It was two months later that we planted a butterfly bush in our backyard as a remembrance. It helped us with the grief. We decided there and then that we didn't want to go through that again, so we decided to adopt. I learned a lot that year, I learned that things don't always go the way you've planned them or the way you think they should. I also learned that there are things that don't get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I also learned that some broken things stay broken. But in the end of that journey I learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones as long as you have people who love you."

"I'm sorry Grace…"

"That's why it is so important to keep communicating with Christian. And I know that not everyone reacts the same way, but don't shut each other out. Share your thoughts and insecurities with Christian. Take the time to mourn the death of your baby. Everyone is different as it comes to coming to terms with it. You will always grieve losing this baby, but overtime it will no longer dominate your moods or your life." Grace is holding my hand and slowly rubbing my knuckles. "Think of your life as a pie, your grief will become one slice of that pie, rather than the whole pie."

I nod my head and crumple Grace's handkerchief in my hand. I suddenly have this urge to see Christian. To hold him and let him hold me.

After I have cleaned my face Grace and I head towards the kitchen, I stop when I hear someone crying. Is Christian crying?

" _It is my job to keep my wife safe and happy dad…and I failed…I failed Ana, I failed our little baby dad…"_

I drop my jacket on the floor and bring my hand towards my mouth stopping a gasp to come out. Oh my God. Christian is broken, he is totally broken…and he has been so strong the last couple of days. But this is not his fault. It isn't even my fault…it's nobody's fault. This was nature playing a cruel trick on us.

While Christian has his face buried on his father's shoulder, Carrick is softly talking to him. I can only hear pieces of what he is saying since he has his back turned towards me.

"I don't know if I can dad…I don't know if I can be that strong…" It is heartbreaking to see my strong husband clutching at his father's shirt…pouring out his grief and sadness. It should have been me who should hold him and comfort him. We have to get through this together. We can get through this together.

"Ana…" Christian's says. His voice sounds hoarse. "Ana how long have you been standing there?"

"We will leave you two…" Carrick says looking sympathetic. He then walks to where I'm standing and kisses my forehead. "You'll get through this Ana…take care of my son and each other okay?" I just nod but keep looking at Christian who looks completely shattered. His eyes are red from crying and his hair is totally messed up.

"We can see ourselves out…" And it's only when we hear the ding of the elevator, indicating that Grace and Carrick have left, that we both start walking towards each other.

"Ana…I'm sorry…" We both sink to the floor holding each other tightly. "Shhh, don't apologize Christian…you have every right to be sad and hurt…"

Christian is peppering little kisses all over my face while the tears are running down his cheeks. "But I promised to take care of you Ana…maybe if…"

"Christian please…" I take his strong hands in mine and look at him. It's now that I see how tired he looks. He has dark circles under his eyes. He looks exhausted. "There are no maybes, no what if's…you heard the doctor…it was probably some chromosome malfunction…it wasn't meant to be Christian. But it's not your fault…it's not. And you do take care of me…I am the one who hasn't been taking care of you…shit Christian…I've been so selfish…"

"We are going to get through this right Ana…we are right? Because I can't lose you…"

"Of course we are…come here…" Christian shifts and lies down on the floor. His knees raised and his head on my lap.

"We need to talk Ana…we can't let this come between us." Christian is holding tightly on to my hand.

"And we will talk about it Christian. But for now, why don't you close your eyes. Let me take care of you."

Gently I start scraping my fingertips over his scalp, until I feel him relaxing slowly. I know how much he loves it when I do this. So I continue until I see that Christian has closed his eyes. His breathing even. His body has finally given in to the exhaustion of the past few days.

 _I'm sorry Christian…I'm sorry that I didn't see how much you were suffering. I'm sorry that I was too absorbed by my own grief…But we are going to be all right…I promise…_

* * *

 **I am very aware of the fact that a miscarriage is unfortunately something that happens to a lot of couples. Even though I never experienced it myself I can only imagine, being a mother myself, how devastating and painful it has to be when something you wanted so much and already even loved is taking away from you without a single reason.**

 **As a parent your main question will always be…why?**

 **Why did this happen to us? Why wasn't our baby given a chance? And then there is the blame and the guilt. What if? Add to that the feelings of anger, sadness, frustration and then hopelessness…**

 **In the next chapter Christian and Ana are going to Bainbridge Island and they will talk. It is going to be tough, but they will get through it.**

 **Thank you all so much for your wonderful feedback and I wanted to thank Rosiekin for sharing that very personal experience with me/us in her review.**

 **Hugs & kisses,**

 **Alner**


	9. Chapter 9 - Why?

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 9 – Why?**

 **APOV**

"You look absolutely beautiful". Christian says while he helps me out of Charlie Tango. He is smiling, but his smile doesn't reach his eyes. The flight to Bainbridge Island was quiet. We both haven't said much since our departure from Seattle. Probably to consumed by our own thoughts, feelings and emotions. And even though I am looking forward to a few days at the cottage, without Gail, Taylor and Sawyer constantly in our vicinity, I have butterflies in my stomach. Because it can be any clearer. Christian and I need to talk. We need to be honest with each other.

"Thank you Christian, you look pretty handsome yourself too." I say looking him up and down. He looks incredibly handsome in his dark blue jeans, red plaid shirt and his black leather jacket.

While Christian talks things over with the pilot who is responsible in taking Charlie Tango back to Seattle, I spot my beloved Wanda in the distance.

"There wasn't any other form of transportation. Bainbridge doesn't have a rental car service. Since Sawyer and Taylor are bringing the car with them we can use the SUV if we need it." Christian says wrapping my hand in his and guiding me towards Wanda.

"I don't mind." I mutter. "Besides we could have walked. It's not that far."

"Out of the question." Christian says matter of fact while his eyes wander towards my stomach.

Realization sets in once again for the reason of us being here. We had a miscarriage and it seems that with losing our baby, we are losing grip of ourselves too.

"How did Wanda get here in the first place?" I ask.

"We have security here on Bainbridge Island." Is Christian's curt answer.

"And this person or persons stay here permanently?" I ask carefully.

"Yes" _Why didn't I even know this?_ I'll let it go for now, I don't think this is the right time to bring this up.

The closer we get to the cottage the bigger the tension is getting in the car. Christian is gripping the steering wheel with so much force that his knuckles have turned white. It is obvious by the set of his jaw and the worry lines across his eyes that he is extremely tense.

"It will be all right Christian. We will be fine." I say resting my hand over his.

Taking his eyes of the road briefly his gray eyes meet my blue ones. "I know baby…" Facing back to the road I know he wanted to say more, however this isn't the place. It's like we are in the eye of the storm. It's calm now, but things will only get worse from this point on. I know it. I feel it.

"What do you want to do?" Christian carelessly throws his jacket on the couch and shoves his hands in his pockets.

Compared to Escala the cottage living room is small and cozy, but now, standing in the middle the room feels huge. I feel lost. I don't even know how to behave. I don't know what to say. I don't even know what to do.

We are only standing a few feet apart, but it seems as if we are both on another planet. _So close, yet so far away._ It feels as if we are complete strangers and are just starting to know one and other. _This isn't right._

"What do _you_ want to do?" I am trying my best to sound cheerful. But the words seem like they got stuck in the back of my throat. They come out forced and hollow. He doesn't answer me though. He just stares at me as if he is seeing me for the first time.

The tension that previously dominated his face has now been replaced by sadness and grief.

"We need to talk Christian." I say after a few minutes of the suffocating silence surrounding us. Neither of us is moving.

His hands automatically go to his hair and he stares down at his shoes for the longest time.

"Don't you even want to be here?" I ask while he just keeps staring at his shoes. "Because if you would rather be alone I understand…" I look down at my shoes too, hoping that when I look back up his demeanor has changed. I almost can't bear to look at him like this. He doesn't know what to do or say. What happened to my husband?

"I want to be where you are Ana." He finally says. Does he sound a little exasperated or is that my paranoia talking?

"Then show me." I swallow past the lump building in my throat. "Because when I look at you it seems as if you want to be anywhere else but here with me."

"Don't cry baby…please no more tears." Finally he moves towards me engulfing me in a hug. And just like when Grace took me in her loving embrace I close my eyes and take in my husband's scent. The warmth radiating from his body, his heartbeat, his breath tickling against my ear. Just for a brief moment I make myself believe that we are fine in the safety of his strong arms. That nothing happened. That we are just Christian and Ana spending some quality time at the cottage.

That tiny blissful moment is going to be short-lived, because the moment I open my eyes, I know that our safe, little and perfect bubble where we both found our safe place and love, abruptly scattered in thousand little pieces when we lost our baby a few days ago. We are not okay. We are far from okay at this point.

"Why don't we eat first? You need to eat." Christian says avoiding the conversation that is inevitable.

"Christian." I try to argue.

"Ana, please let's eat first. I am not ready to talk yet." He replies sternly.

"Okay." I respond meekly and make my way towards the kitchen.

The silence is yet again smothering. The elephant in the room is so big, that there isn't even room for anything else.

 **CPOV**

Standing next to Ana in the kitchen I feel a sense of dread washing over me. I know we need to have this conversation, but I am afraid of the outcome. What if it is too big? What if she ends up resenting me? What if this tears us apart? I feel myself becoming more and more that out of control teenager. The teenager that avoided every single contact with his parents and siblings so that they couldn't see the real scared little boy. It is like I am slipping back into that dark, haunted place. Unfortunately it took me years and years to figure out to crawl out of that godforsaken place and that I was only hiding from myself. My parents and even Elliot and Mia accepted me just the way I was. Flawed, angry and out of control. However there is so much more at stake right now. I can't lose my wife. I love her too much. And even though I know that delaying this conversation will only make things worse, In a weird and twisted fucked up way, it makes sense for me now. I want to hang on to her for as long as possible. Besides there is this anger shimmering inside of me and I know that it's ready to get out and cause even more harm.

Next to me my wife is silently cutting the chicken, while I am in charge of cutting the peppers. Normally she would chatter away happily about anything imaginable. She would make fun of me, because of the 'peculiar' way I cut the peppers. We would touch, kiss, make out and probably end up in bed making love. Now, we don't talk or kiss or make out. Making love is, our way to reconnect, is now definitely out of the question until Ana is healed both physically and emotionally. It seems as if we are living in a parallel universe.

"Did you call Ros?" Ana asks breaking the silence while we are eating.

"Yes…I explained…and well…" Taking another bite of the delicious chicken I focus my eyes on my plate. _They already knew, because somehow the news of the miscarriage leaked out to the fucking press._ I can't bear to share this with her. Not while she is so vulnerable and hurt. I will tell her when I think she is ready.

"And Mike?" She says again breaking the unbearable silence.

"Yes, I also informed Mike about …the…well about what happened." I mutter waving my empty fork in the air.

Ana's brow creases briefly. Taking the glass of water to her lips I can see her hands trembling.

"What did they say?" She asks with a trembling voice.

 _Ros and Andrea both started to cry. And Mike, well he is a guy. He told me to take care of my wife and take all the time we needed._

"They all send you their love and to take all the time you need." Even to myself my voice sounds cold and detached. To Ana I must sound like I don't give a shit.

Ana just watches me while her eyes fill with tears. _Oh baby don't cry. Please don't cry._ _I don't mean it that way. It's just that I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. And I know that I will end up hurting you._

Darting her eyes away she clears her throat and continues eating. After a while she starts shifting uncomfortable in her chair.

"I think I am going to take some Aleve." I see her walking towards her bag. Her small frame looks even smaller because of the way her shoulders are slumped back.

Instead of taking the pills at the table she walks towards the sink facing the window. Robotically she fills another glass with water and takes her time taking in the medication. My body urges me to comfort her. To hold her. In a few strides I am standing behind her and take her in my arms. Instead of rejecting me or pushing me away, like I expected, she turns around and buries her face in my shirt and wraps her arms around my waist.

"Do you still have cramps?" I ask.

She nods her head and tightens her hold on me. Like she is afraid that I will disappear or that I will push her away.

"And the bleeding?" I close my eyes tight awaiting her answer. The fucking bleeding, the constant reminder of what happened. Again she nods. For a moment as her scent reaches me and I feel her soft body pressed against mine, everything is perfect in my world. Until I feel her body trembling and a sob escapes her lips. _She is crying. Please no, I am not even ready in giving her the comfort she needs._ At a given moment I feel her body tensing, then she takes a huge gulp of air and takes a step back. Her blue eyes, full of uncertainty and hurt are looking up at me.

 **APOV**

"Are you repulsed by me?" I croak.

"Why would you even think that? Why do you say something like that?" His brow furrows and he cocks his head to the side.

"Because, since you woke up in Seattle you have been distant. Only touching me when needed. You normally can't keep your hands off of me and now…it's like you are avoiding my touch. When you hold me…it's just not the same…you feel stiff as if you don't even want me in your arms." I ramble. I feel his breathing quickening, the color of his eyes slowly transforming into a dark color gray.

I take a step back and look into his eyes that are brimming with tears. "Christian, I'm sorry…I am sorry that we lost our baby…I am sorry that I had so many doubts, I am sorry that I couldn't keep our baby safe. I am sorry that I shut you out this past few days…I am sorry for not being able to give you what you want most. I am sorry that I caused you so much grief and pain…I am just so very sorry." I feel my knees giving in and Christian immediately takes me in his arms and walks me to the living room where he places me on the couch. He sits beside me, far enough as not to touch me. His body rigid, he is trembling. I have never seen him this upset before.

"Christian, please say something." I plead searching any kind of eye contact. Christian, is looking at the floor, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"There is something bothering you…isn't it. And it's not…" I am rudely cut off when he stands up.

"Ana…I…why didn't you go to the hospital when I asked you to go. Why are you always so stubborn and careless when it comes to your own health?" With every word he says his breathing is becoming more and more erratic. His hands are baled into tight fists. _He is mad. He is mad at me. He blames me._

"What…what do you mean Christian? We already discussed that…you know…"

"Yes, yes I fucking know why! But I don't understand!" He bellows.

"You blame me" It is not a question. It is a confirmation of his unspoken accusation. Pulling my legs on the couch I wrap my arms around them. Shit, this is worse than I thought. He blames me. How can he ever forgive me for that? And maybe I am to blame. Maybe he is right. But no, Grace said so herself. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't…It was nobody's fault.

"Don't twist my words Anastasia. I never said I blamed you. I just asked you a simple question. You are a smart woman." He yells.

"I was scared okay!" I yell back. "I was fucking terrified. But we already discussed this Christian!"

"Yeah! And look where it got us now! Maybe this whole terrifying and traumatizing experience could have been prevented Ana! I'm not saying that it was your fault, but maybe, just fucking maybe we could have handled things differently!" Christian is now pacing the room. His face is red and the veins on his forehead pulsing.

"I took the stupid test Christian! What more do you want!"

"I want you to go and see a doctor when you don't feel well. I want you to take care of yourself. Don't you see Ana, I love you with every fiber in my being, and losing you is not an option!" He is yelling and pulling his hair. He looks like a caged animal.

We need to fix this fucked up situation. Standing up from the couch I take a step in his direction. We need to figure it out. _Someway. Somehow_. "Christian…"

"No…no Ana. There is no fucking excuse this time. I don't want to even hear the word 'sorry' coming out of your mouth. Don't you see. Losing our child is horrible and bad and something I don't wish to experience ever again. But by neglecting your discomfort you could have developed an infection! You could have died!" He screams. "The next time…" He continues. But this time it's my turn to cut him off.

"There won't be a next fucking time Christian. Because if this" And I wave my hand between the both of us. "If this is what will happen then it isn't worth it. So where I am concerned there won't be another time!" I am screaming so hard that even my throat hurts. And that's not the only thing that hurts. My heart is aching watching my husband's mouth going slack after hearing my words. His eyes are huge and full of tears.

"So that's it huh? That is what you have been thinking these last few days when you were hiding the bedroom?" Christian has a wild look on his face as his eyes scan mine. "Is that what you have been thinking Ana? You just decided that we won't have children?" His voice is low, but the tone is scary.

"I never said that Christian! You are the one who is twisting my words! We need to talk…I want to apologize…I shouldn't have pushed you away…it was wrong. Please." I wipe the tears from my face with the back of my hand.

"Fuck this. Because now I am the one that isn't ready to talk." He whispers. Grabbing his jacket from the couch he storms out of the living room. It is only seconds later that I feel the door slamming behind him.

I am surrounded by deafening silence since Christian left the cottage. Fifteen minutes have passed since he left and I have been sitting on the same spot, paralyzed…not knowing what to do with myself. I have been replaying our conversation in my head for these last fifteen minutes. And even though his words hurt and felt like a punch in my stomach, I know for sure that it was his anger and loss of control speaking. Deep in my heart I know Christian doesn't blame me for the miscarriage. He is probably angry at himself and the whole situation we found ourselves in. However if he wasn't ready to talk he should have told me so. I would have given him the space he needed. _Oh Christian._

 **CPOV**

What the fuck have I done? I look back at the closed door and guilt crushes me. I never meant to say that to her. I love her. She is hurting just like I am. I have lost all control. I just hurt the person I love most by accusing her of the loss of our baby. But she isn't to blame. I know that. It is just that I needed to lash out. I needed to get those words out. How are we ever going to fix this? Instead of talking and calming her I just made her more upset. I projected my anger and own insecurities on my wife. I am the biggest asshole walking this earth. Fresh air that is what I need.

With my heart thumping against my chest and my hands in my pockets I start walking in the direction of the beach. _There won't be a next fucking time! There won't be a next fucking time!_

That hurt. Hearing those words coming out of her mouth hurt. However, watching her face and the way her voice trembled I think it was her anger speaking. Her anger because of the way I spoke to her and treated her. I had her cornered. I was low of me to begin about what we already discussed. But it was like that big, ugly monster came out and there wasn't any way to stop it. The destruction it caused is enormous.

The moment I arrive at the beach I immediately regret my decision in coming here. There are quite a few people walking around despite the late hour. There is even a man with a tiny little baby in a baby carrier. How does that feel I wonder? How does it feel to hold your own child in your arms? God, I already feel protective about little Sam, let alone if I would have a child of my own. Ana and my child.

During the flight in Charlie Tango I realized that I do want children. Even after that horrifying experience we are undergoing right now. I would like nothing more than to hold our baby in my arms, protect him or her and love him unconditionally. And maybe if we aren't able in conceiving our own children, we could adopt. Just like my mom and dad did. Just like Ray did with Ana. I shake my head to force those thoughts away. _You fucked up Grey. You first have to apologize to your wife, beg her for her forgiveness and then we try and move on._

I look back at the man with the tiny baby and see him smiling at his wife. He loves her that much is clear. It's obvious.

My father's words ring in my ears. _"Christian, your job is to love your wife. I am not going to lie to you son, this can tear you apart or bring you closer together. You and Ana are on the same team…regardless of what difficulties life throws at you. Let Ana know that no matter what happens, whether you go through another miscarriage, or you can't get pregnant, you are going to get through it together, and you'll work through everything together, come what may. As a man…be the first to take initiative. Reaffirm your love for each other again and again…no matter what. Let her know you'll be at her side."_

Well, I certainly didn't live up to that. Fuck! I messed up epically. I yelled at her, accused her of something she isn't to blame and when she yelled those words at me, the words I didn't want to hear… the words I was afraid to hear, I purposely twisted her words, threw them back in her face and… I fled. _You are a fucking coward Grey._

I cast one last glance at the man with his perfect little family and force myself to continue walking. Ana's birthday is in a few days. It is even more important now to make it extra special for her. Had I initially planned to celebrate it with our family and friends, I think it's best if I take her someplace nice. Away from the media, away from this nightmare.

Lost in my thoughts I see myself walking through Bainbridge Main Street when I spot a small jewelry shop. _Perfect! Just perfect._

Two hours later I enter the cottage again. It is silent. The smell of diner still lingering in the air. The house is shrouded in darkness. No sounds, no Ana. Only darkness and silence.

The door closes with a soft click and I make my way through the small hallway into the living room. As fast as I can I make my way to the kitchen. And that's when I see that there is light coming from the garden. I peek out of the window and see my beautiful, yet broken girl seated in one of the loungers. She looks so amazing in the moonlight.

Staring into the distance, lost in her own thoughts she is holding a glass of water in her hand, twirling it around, mindlessly. What is she thinking about?

The squeaking door betrays my presence and she immediately turns around startled. Her free hand flies to her chest. "Jesus Christian!" she whispers. "You scared me."

"Sorry, didn't mean to." I whisper back and wait at the door for some sign from her.

"Do you feel better?" Without taking her eyes off of me she places the glass of water back on the table. She then tugs her jacket tighter around her body. A shiver running through her body.

"I do" and take a step closer.

"Good." She nods her head and turns her head and looks at a pot with flowers next to her.

"I got something while you were gone." She points at the flowers. "Forget me nots." She continues her voice cracking. I kneel by the little blue flowers, which have a soft purplish glow in the moonlight. "They are lovely." _So delicate and elegant._

"I know you didn't mean what you said." She says reaching for my hand. "I didn't mean it either."

"Sorry, seems so lame. So…so…"

"Inadequate, poor, insufficient" She fills in. "I know Christian."

"I also bought something." I say shuffling closer to her, holding tight on to her small hand. I am never letting her go again. I am never leaving her like that again, I vow to myself.

Moving in the lounger she makes room for me and pats the now empty spot. "Show me. What did you buy?"

Sitting down next to her I quickly kiss her temple, pull the little box from my pocket and hand it to her.

"For me?"

"Yes…for you." I state simply.

It amazes me time and time again how careful she is while unwrapping gifts. I would tear the paper off, too impatient to restrain my curiosity! But not my Ana, no she carefully pulls off every piece of tape, keeping the wrapping paper practically intact. _Fucking amazing._

"It's a bracelet…and earrings…" She whispers touching the dark blue stones lightly with her fingertips.

"Yes, they are sapphires, the…uhm…the September birthstone."

"It's is so beautiful. So elegant." I hear her sniffing. "Thank you Christian, I love it."

"I just don't want our baby to be forgotten. The old lady in the store that helped me told me that sapphires symbolize purity and wisdom. She also told me that ancient civilizations believed that the world rested on a sapphire that casts its blue reflections to tinge the sky with blue."

"Really?"

"Yeah, that old lady told me a lot, she couldn't stop talking." I shrug. "That's the reason why it took so long for me to get back."

"Where did you get the flowers?" I ask while tightly holding on to her hand.

"Do you remember that old couple that lives at the end of the road?" I nod as I remember the elder couple. They have been living here for as long as I can remember.

"Well I was just walking, trying to clear my head and running away from the silence in the house when I walked passed their garden. The man and the woman where standing at the fence when they started talking to me. They were so nice… and I guess that in a moment of weakness I told them what happened…" Her voice is now merely a whisper. Her eyes are cast down. "I didn't mean to tell them Christian, it just happened."

"It's okay baby. What did they say?"

"They were so sweet and caring." She replies her voice breaking. "When I said I needed to leave, the man asked me to wait. He then came back and gave me the flowers" Ana is brushing her thumb against my knuckles. "The woman then told me an old legend." Turning her head Ana stares into the distance and starts talking.

"In a German legend, after the earth was created, God went to each plant and animal and gave each a name. As God finished and was getting ready to leave, he heard a little voice at his feet saying "what about me?" He bent down and picked up the little plant whom he had forgotten, and said "Because I forgot once, I shall never forget you again, and that shall be your name."

Smiling sadly she looks up at me, the tears streaming down her face. "I know that legends are unverifiable stories, but I really loved it."

"I do too." I look at the flowers and then back at Ana.

"What would you think if we would plant an entire field of forget me nots at the new house? Would you like that?"

"I think that is a lovely idea Christian." She finally relaxes and settles back into by chest and carefully entwines her leg with mine.

We lay like this for a while, both staring at the sky.

"I miss us…" I say finally. "I miss your laugh too and your giggles. I missed you so much when we came back from the hospital. Even though you where there with me…it was just like you weren't… and even though we had the biggest fall out this evening, I am glad we are here…"

"Yeah, me too. I think we needed that. I think we both needed to let go of our pent up frustrations, anger and grief." She pauses for a bit. "I am so sick of crying Christian." She buries her face deeper into my chest. "But it hurts so much."

"I know Ana…"

"Why did it happen? Why?" She is crying and holding on to my shirt.

"I don't know Ana…I really don't know. "I shift and turn around, our faces now close together. "It's weird that you miss something you never actually had ... it is unfathomable and inexplicable that this loss can cause such excruciating pain... it's beyond comparison."

Ana doesn't reply. She doesn't have to. I know she feels the same. Words are unnecessary at this point.

The sky is clear and it seems like there are a million twinkling stars this evening. That added to the sound of the waves chasing at the shore and the fact that I have my girl in my arms make this perfect. Were it not for this raw, tangible pain.

Taking her in my arms I pull her face towards me and brush my lips over hers. Even though her lips feel dry and swollen, it is still the best feeling in the world. _So soft. So perfect._

"Ana, I didn't mean what I said earlier. I didn't mean any of the horrible things I said. I know you know, but I just wanted to say it myself. I want you to hear the words coming from my mouth. It was downright wrong and hurtful and I never should have said them to you. What I meant was that I love you. I love you so fucking much, that I can't even express it in words. And I can't let anything happen to you Ana. And I do understand your fears, I really do. If you would have asked me two years ago if I wanted children, my answer would have been a big _no_. It changed after I met you…everything fell into place the moment I looked into those extraordinary blue eyes. Every single piece of the puzzle. During our flight I realized something and I was afraid that we wouldn't be on the same level, that scared me. That is also one of the reasons I behaved like I did. I did it on purpose Ana and I hope you can forgive me."

I brush my free hand through my already messed up hair and try to give her a reassuring smile.

She nods and brushes her fingers at my face. "I didn't mean it either. I didn't mean to yell. And I certainly didn't want to hurt you either." She swiftly places a few loose tendrils of hair behind her ear. "I actually did a lot of thinking the last few days. At first I couldn't see past everything that happened, everything was so overwhelming and it happened so quickly. The blood, all that blood…then the hospital, you arguing with Dr. Greene, her attitude and the way she told us that we had a miscarriage, the pain on your face." Ana closes her eyes. "That night, when we were lying in bed I, I started thinking… then I somehow convinced myself that it happened because of me…my insecurities kicked in and I got sucked into that dark place. A place where I have been trying so hard to climb out. I was so angry. At myself, actually I was mad at the entire world. But mostly at myself." Her voice is soft and fragile and it breaks my heart that she went through all of this by herself. We were both trying so hard to survive that we ignored to talk about it. We were trying to protect each other. At the end we only made things worse.

"Anyway…after Flynn's visit something inside of me clicked. I know that I am not my mother. I will probably make mistakes, but I will try and learn from them. And the thought that gives me the most comfort and reassurance is that I will have you there with me. I won't be alone."

"I will never leave you Ana."

"Do you still want children Christian?" She ask carefully and this time she moves her head to the side so that she is able to read my expression.

"I do…" I say and smile. "Only I am now aware that having a child is a miracle ... it should never be taken for granted. I don't care if we have a boy or a little girl, I just want it to be healthy. And you? How about you Ana?"

"I do to" She replies without hesitation. "But I'm scared and for entirely different reasons then I was before…what if we have another miscarriage Christian?"

"I don't know Ana…the doctor said that the change for another miscarriage was practically non-existent… but I don't think we should rush into things…and it's you who can set the pace…and I am scared also Ana…I also would be afraid of what losing another child would do to us." She nods her head and I quickly brush the tears from her face.

"I have no idea if we have a choice in the matter, but I would like to wait before we try again. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to our baby. We both need time to grief the death of our baby." Her hand is now resting on her flat stomach.

"I didn't mean to say that I wanted us to become pregnant right away Ana. But I think it's very important to discuss it. But what if it happens?"

"Then I guess it was supposed to be." She whispers.

"It's really not fair is it?" She cries.

"No it's not baby…it is not fair."

"When you left…" She says while wiping the tears from her eyes. "I googled the word "miscarriage"…and do you know what I found out?"

"What?"

"There are the words 'miss' and 'carry' in that word. We are going to _miss_ to _carry_ this child physically. It made me so sad Christian…but then I thought about it…at least we get to carry our baby in our hearts forever right?"

 **CPOV**

Ana has lost weight. I watch her tiny frame on our gigantic bed. Sighing, she puts the book she was reading to the side and turns her head toward me where I stand waiting with a tray loaded with coffee and pancakes. Her eyes shift from the coffee to me. "Is that coffee?" She asks hopeful.

I nod my head as I make my way towards my wife. "And pancakes…" I add proudly.

Her eyes widen immediately and she sits up straighter. "I ordered them baby…" I grin and immediately she relaxes. "Oh, you also ordered strawberries?" Ana asks while I place the tray between us. "And whipped cream…" I kiss her cheek and I stack a couple of pancakes on her plate and top it with whipped cream and strawberries. "This looks delicious…I'm actually hungry…" She says frowning.

"Enjoy them baby. The woman where I ordered them assured me these are the best pancakes on Bainbridge Island."

"Are you planning in going to work today?" She asks as she takes a sip of her coffee?

I take a bite from the pancakes and shit, they really taste good. "No, I'm not…I just need to check my e-mail every once in a while, but Ros knows that I won't be returning to the office until further notice…besides it's Saturday."

"Until further notice?" Ana whispers. Her fork in the air.

"Yes, you heard me Ana…I'm not leaving you alone. Together remember?"

"I remember…" She cuts a piece of pancakes and brings it to her mouth. "But Christian, we just came back from our honeymoon, you can't stay away from work."

"Ana, first I have Ros. Secondly I can work from anyplace. If there is a meeting where I am required to attend I can join in via teleconference. And third; I am not ready to go back just yet."

Ana nods and continues eating. I am glad she is actually eating this time.

"I have a question for you." I say and place our now empty plates to the side.

Ana's blue eyes stare at me, insecurity flashing through them. "If you could pick out a place to go, no matter where…where would you like to go?"

"Anywhere?"

"The sky is the limit"

"Greece." She replies. "I would love to go back to Kos."

"Well I was thinking. Would you like me to take you back to Greece for your birthday?"

"To Greece?" She asks astonished.

"Yes"

"To Greece, for my birthday." She whispers and the most beautiful smile spreads across her face. I think this is the first genuine smile I have seen on her face since the miscarriage.

"Then it's set." I say without awaiting her answer. Her smile tells me enough. "I will call Taylor and Andrea and ask them to make the arrangements."

"Can we leave just like that?"

"Of course we can. Just for a few days. We can leave Monday morning early or Sunday evening and we can be back next weekend. And if we decide to stay longer, then we will."

"I would love to." She finally admits. "Go! Call Taylor" She says almost pushing me from our bed.

A half hour later our trip to Greece has been set in motion. We are leaving Sunday evening. I can't fucking wait.


	10. Chapter 10 - Oh Elliot

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 10 – Oh Elliot…**

 **APOV**

I never particularly liked mirrors. I think that stems from my mother's demeaning words time and time again. But now, in all honesty I hate them.

Ever since the miscarriage I feel ugly, heavy and insecure. Even though I never came to having a bump, I feel bloated. My breasts are huge in comparison to what they were before the pregnancy and to top it off I have acne covering my face. Something I didn't even have when growing up.

I carefully lift my shirt up and turn around in order to see my belly from the side. Nothing. There is nothing to see. And yet my stomach feels puffy and heavy. In itself, I would have no problem with it, if it happened to be that I was still carrying our child. Unfortunately that's not the case.

"Ana…what are you doing?" Shit! How long has Christian been standing there? Shit, I feel so stupid now.

In response I shake my head and quickly cover my stomach, and hope he will drop this. But I know he won't.

"Ana, tell me please."

"I…I feel…so gross and ugly." I say with shaking voice. "My face is covered in acne, my hair is dry and unmanageable. My breasts are tender and huge. They are huge Christian!" Saying it out loud makes me feel overdramatic and almost whiney. But it is just the way I feel. I can't help it. "I am still bleeding and have to wear those horrible pads…it is just not fucking fair! It is not fair!" I yell.

"No, it isn't fair baby…it isn't. Come here." Christian takes me to our bed where we lay down hugging each other tightly. My body is pressed against his, our legs entwined while he is rhythmically rubbing my back.

It is only after a while that Christian begins to talk. His voice very soft and a little hoarse.

"You know Ana, maybe you don't want to hear what I'm about to tell you, but I still want to say it to you. I am not trying to downplay or ignore your feelings. I believe you when you say what you are experiencing." He turns around without letting me go, his mouth next to my ear. "To me you don't look ugly or fat. To me Ana you are still beautiful…you are my beautiful, sweet and perfect girl. Everything about you is beautiful Ana. Do you believe me baby?" He lifts his head and is now looking at me. His eyes so sincere.

And I do. I do believe him. It was Christian who made me feel less self-conscious. It was Christian who told me time and time again that he loved me, regardless of anything I had been through. And it was Christian who made me feel beautiful.

I nod my head. "I believe you…" I croak. He gives me his shy smile and leans back with his head on the pillow.

I have no idea how long we have been laying here, but our little, peaceful moment is interrupted by Christian's phone.

"Grey!" Christian snaps and carefully untangles himself from me.

"Where?" He asks and his voice is deadly calm. Someone else would think that nothing is the matter, but I know differently. Something is the matter. He is too calm.

"Arrange with Stephen to fly Charlie Tango to the airfield by the hospital. We will be there in one hour." Without saying goodbye to whoever he was talking to, Christian ends the call and closes his eyes before turning back to look at me. His eyes however, drift from my face to my breasts.

"Ana…baby, what is that?" He asks pointing to my shirt.

What? I think to myself and slowly look to where Christian is pointing. Then that is when I see to huge wet spots by my breasts. _Shit!_

"Ana?"

"I..." I leap from the bed and run towards the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror I take of my shirt and bra. Immediately I am hit by a whiff of sour milk. What the hell is this?

"Ana" Christian is knocking on the door. "Can I come in please?"

"Yes…" I cover myself with a towel.

"What is it?" He asks. He is trying not to stare at my breasts, but failing miserable.

"I don't know…it smells sour…" I feel the tears again when I realize that I am probably discharging milk. "Can you get me a clean bra and shirt from our bedroom please?"

I didn't even know this was supposed to happen. A wave of sadness washes over me again. I need to talk to a doctor as soon as possible. How long will this go on? How long will these cramps continue? When will the bleeding stop? When is my body going be back to normal again? When am I going to feel normal again?

 **CPOV**

Entering the bathroom I watch Ana's face stricken with grief. As I hand her a clean set of clothes, she takes them from me avoiding my eyes. She dresses quickly and turns around to look at me impassively.

"What was that phone call Christian?" I assume she doesn't want to talk about it right now. Or maybe she doesn't know what just happened.

I decide not to pressure her. The bomb I am going to drop on her will be devastating enough.

"That was Taylor. He just informed me that the media found out that we are staying here in Bainbridge Island. There is a media helicopter circling the area as we speak."

Her brow furrows creating that little _v_. She doesn't know what I am talking about. She has no clue that the media knows about the miscarriage.

"A helicopter?" She whispers.

I nod my head affirmative. "Ana, the news of the miscarriage somehow leaked out to the press."

"The press knows?" She says astonished. "But how…and if the press knows then everyone knows…" She states staring at the floor.

"I am sorry Ana. Taylor is looking into it. We suspect it was someone from the hospital."

"How long?" She says now staring at me. Her beautiful eyes, are red rimmed and teary.

"How long did you know Christian?" She asks more forcefully this time.

"Since it started. The day after we came back from the hospital." I let my head hang. Fuck I feel like I let her down. The intention was to come here to the cottage to spend time with each other and talk or do whatever we felt like doing and not to run from the fucking press.

"And you didn't think to share that with me?" The tears are now freely falling down her cheeks. "Ana, it crossed my mind several times, believe me. But you had enough to deal with already without having to add this to it. I tried to tell you several times during the past few days, please believe me, but the time never seemed right."

Fidgeting with the hem of her shirt she nods understandingly. "What do we do know?"

"I arranged for Charlie Tango. We will be leaving in thirty minutes and will be going back to Escala. Security is better there and I don't want to take any chances."

"Okay…" She whispers. "Let me pack our bags then."

"No, we don't need anything. I will ask Gail to come here in a few days and clean the place. Don't worry about anything okay?"

"I am not leaving the flowers behind." She says forcefully.

"Of course not, we are taking the flowers with us baby…"

It is worse than we anticipated. The road leading to the cottage is full of journalists and cars. _Stupid fuckers._ They are all screaming and pushing microphones in our direction. I have my arms firmly draped around Ana's shoulder. Taylor is walking in front of us pushing them out of our way and Sawyer is on Ana's right side.

"Mrs. Grey is it true that you had a miscarriage?"

"Mrs. Grey how far along where you?"

"Ana, did you see the baby?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Ana, Ana! Are you getting a divorce?" Another one yells. _Stupid asshole._

The voices die down the moment Taylor closes the door from the SUV that will take us to Charlie Tango. However Taylor's face seems contorted from the anger. As soon as he closes the door he turns around and walks to one of the reporters. I see him squaring his shoulders and then he hits the guy straight in his ugly face. Taylor then grabs the camera from the reporter's hands and throws it against the concrete floor. _Taylor is getting a fucking raise!_

Cool as a cucumber I see my head of security walking back to the SUV.

"I'm sorry about that Mr. Grey, Ana…"

"No problem Taylor. If he presses charges let me now."

Ana curls up in the corner and leans her head against the cool window. "I don't think they are going to stop unless we give them some answers." She says after a while.

 _She is right. I hate to admit it only because I don't want to give them shit. They have to leave us alone._

"Do you want me to ask my dad to give a statement?" I ask unsure of her reaction.

"He won't mind?" She asks now looking at me.

"No, he even suggested it, but I wanted to discuss it with you first."

"Okay. He can call Ethan. He will respect our wishes." She replies and unbuckles her seatbelt and moves closer to me. Climbing on my lap she rests her head on my shoulder and sighs.

"I love you Ana. I'm sorry…I didn't expect they would show up here."

"I love you too Christian. And you don't have to apologize. It's not as if you invited them did you?"

"I certainly didn't…"

"I just wish they would leave us alone." She states sadly. "They are parasites…"

" **Grey's family tragedy after miscarriage."**

 _The 22-year old Anastasia Grey CEO of Lambert Publishing and the 28 year old CEO of Grey Enterprises, Christian where expecting their first child. We discovered from an unknown source that they lost their child very early in the pregnancy, not even after being married a month._

 _Will this_ _dramatic event_ _disrupt their_ _happiness_ _?_ _Or will the power couple come_ _out stronger? Only time will tell._

 **Miscarriage Anastasia Grey**

 _Read here the juiciest news! Rumors are that the beautiful Anastasia Grey, who has only been married for a little over a month to the handsome and elusive billionaire Christian Grey has suffered a miscarriage._ _Christian and Ana married in July at their cottage on Bainbridge Island, with only family and close friends present. It is still a mystery where the newlyweds spend their honeymoon._ _There have been no comments to confirm the miscarriage._

Ana is right. They are fucking parasites. I close my phone and shove it back into my pants, carefully not to wake up Ana who is now sleeping. We decided to stop by at Bellevue before heading back home.

* * *

I place the statement my father released to Kavanagh Media back on his desk and watch Ana.

 _Carrick Grey, father from Christian Grey has confirmed the tragic loss in a statement to Kavanagh Media._

" _It is with great sadness that I must inform you, that last week Anastasia Grey suffered a miscarriage. Anastasia and Christian are devastated at the loss and will not be commenting further on this deeply upsetting matter. I hope their privacy is respected in order to give them time to grieve and seek_ _support."_

"I just contacted Ethan, Ana." My dad says as he approaches my wife and kisses her fore head. Ana nods. Her eyes darting from my dad's desk to him.

"Do you want to read the statement?" My dad asks her.

"No I don't." Ana replies immediately. "I trust you Carrick and thank you." Unexpectedly she hugs my dad. "For everything." She adds. "I am going to sit with Grace if you don't mind."

Kissing my cheek and gently squeezing my hand she walks out of my dad's study.

"So how are you doing? Did it work out going to Bainbridge Island?" My dad motions with his hand to a chair. "Sit down son."

I shrug and debate if I want to tell my dad about my huge fuck up. "We fought." I say. "I said some horrible things to her…and rightfully so she said horrible things back…since I didn't want to make things worse I left and spend some time alone. When I came back she was still there waiting for me and we talked."

My dad nods understandingly. "You will have good days and bad days Christian.

eventually you will find that the good days are more common. And sometimes you have a very good day and you feel happy and you laughed ... and then suddenly the grief strikes again. You feel guilty." He offers me a chocolate he has stashed in one of his drawers. "Eventually the grief will lessen, but you will never forget."

His phone rings and he excuses himself before answering it. I decide to see how Ana is doing, she has been very quiet again since we left the cottage.

"Hi mom. Ana." I bend down and gently kiss her cheek.

"Hi honey…why don't you get us something to drink." She asks without taking her eyes from my wife.

"Gretchen can help you, she is in the kitchen finishing dinner."

 _Well this must be my lucky day. Ms. Fucking Gretchen._

Like the asshole I am I wander into the kitchen completely ignoring Gretchen who is standing at the counter. I don't know how long she has been working for my parents, but I never liked her. Never. Unlike Gail who is modest and noble, Gretchen is bold, constantly flirting and one of the most annoying woman I have ever met in my life.

"Is there anything I can do for you Mr. Grey?" Gretchen hurries towards me, pushing her tits forward and batting her eyelashes. _Fucking disgusting._

"No, I don't need your help." _Now fuck off._

"Really, Mr. Grey…I would be happy to help…with anything…" She emphasizes 'anything' and bites her lip. _Christ, her teeth are big!_

"Gretchen how long have you been working for my parents?"

"Seven years Mr. Grey." She says proudly.

"In those seven years, have I ever given you even the slightest impression to find you attractive?"

Her mouth is now slightly open, all color has left her face.

"No Mr. Grey."

"Good, now I am a married man. That is, a very happily married man, completely in love with my wife. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly Mr. Grey…"

"Good, try to keep that in mind the next time you try to brush against me while serving our food. It's disrespectful to my wife and my parents."

I turn around facing the cabinet where my mother keeps the glasses and like Ms. Gretchen isn't even here, I fix us all something to drink.

 _Yup, I'm an asshole._

Walking back into the living room I find my mother and Ana on the same spot, talking softly. Ana is blushing and I somehow have the feeling that my presence is not exactly wanted at this moment. I think Ana needs this time with my mom.

I decide to leave them for a little bit a go and find my dad who is probably still in his study…working and eating his secret stock of chocolate.

The first thing I notice when entering his office, is that my dad looks extremely pale. "Hey son…I'm sorry for the interruption." He points to the phone and puts another piece of chocolate in his mouth. _Fuck, if my mom knew he has this chocolate in his study she would go complete ape-shit on his ass._

"It's okay dad. Mind if I keep you company?"

"No, not at all…just give me five minutes. I need to finish some paperwork."

While my dad turns his attention back to his laptop I look around in his office. This is probably one of the few times I have entered this room voluntarily. There are pictures on his desk from us as a family. He even has a picture from my mother and him on their wedding day. While I enjoying my wine I let my eyes wander around the many law books in his office. My eyes then catch my dad restlessly moving his legs. He's also constantly pulling his tie.

"Are you all right dad?"

"Hmm?" He says clearly distracted. "What was that son?"

"I said, are you all right?"

"I don't know …my stomach has been bothering me lately…but don't tell your mother though…I'm really not looking forward to one of her speeches." He winks at me and returns his attention back on the screen in front of him.

"Maybe you should go easy on those chocolates."

My dad grins. "Don't tell your mother son…this is my little secret" _Yeah, like I even would go there._

This is nice, I think to myself as I make myself comfortable in the chair. Pulling my phone from my pocket I decide to use this peaceful moment to reply or forward some of my e-mails.

I can't remember when was the last time that I actually came into my dad's office without being summoned. When I was a kid it was always about something I did, then I had to listen to my father's long and mind-numbing speeches. Subsequently I would be send to my room until further notice. This is nice for a change.

After a few minutes my dad closes his laptop and brushes his hands through his hair. "Do you happen to know where you brother disappeared of to these past couples of days?" He takes another piece of chocolate and leans back in his chair.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that your mother and I have tried to call him several times this week only to get his voicemail. Then she even went to Grey Construction. One of the guys told him that Elliot took of a few days, unexpected."

"I don't know dad…I have no idea maybe something work related came up? Besides I have tried to call him several times myself."

"Don't bullshit me son, I know that you know what is going on between Elliot and Megan…"

"Yes…I do know what is going on, but that is really not my story to tell dad." I reply exasperated.

"Did your brother did something to hurt Megan?" He says ignoring my tone of voice.

"No, no he didn't. He loves her dad. Just admit that Elliot is a changed man since he met Megan…"

"She sure is good for him. I just hope he doesn't fuck up…" He mumbles. And then I see my dad brushing his hand across his chest.

"Are you all right dad? You look flushed…" He shrugs it off. "I think I need a few days off…maybe I will take your mom and Mel away on a little vacation before school starts…there is a huge case I have been working on and it has taken a lot of my time."

"You know Melissa can stay with us if you like to take mom alone." I offer.

"Let me think about it. I might take you up on it. I think a few days alone with your mother would suite me just fine." My dad winks at me and grins. Horrifying images are now running through my head. I know exactly what he means by a few days alone. Christ!

"How are you and Ana doing?"

"Considering the circumstances we are fine. We had a long talk at Bainbridge Island. It was tough, it still is tough…but we will get there."

"Do you have any plans for her birthday?"

"Yes, we are planning in going back to Greece." I tell him. "Just for a few days. I think the time is perfect, considering the media frenzy."

"Your mother and her grandmother are planning something." He says apologetically.

"Please dad…I will talk to mom."

"I will make sure your mother doesn't go through with any of it. She means well." He adds. "And maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. It doesn't have to be an over-the-top-Mia-experience." He smiles. "But Ana hasn't seen her grandparents since you guys left for the honeymoon."

As I sit and think about what my dad just told me it doesn't sound very bad. Maybe I can arrange for the family to come to Greece for Ana's birthday?

* * *

"So, mom when is dinner going to be ready and where is Mel?"

"I think fifteen minutes or so. And your sister is in the library." She says distracted. _Something is bothering her._

"Christian, I know I already asked you this, but I can't seem to get hold of your brother or Megan. Do you know what is going on? This is nothing like Elliot. He normally calls me every day." _Like the little baby he is._

Ana's eyes dart to mine, the blush creeping over her face.

"Mom, please drop it." I reply annoyed at her tenacity.

"Don't you use that tone of voice at me young man." She admonishes. "You may be all grown up and married, but I am still your mother!" I can just control myself from rolling my eyes at her overemphasis.

"Yes mother." I reply mockingly.

She raises her perfectly formed eyebrow at me, almost challenging me to continue my mockery.

"Hello lovely family!" My brother's voice booms through the living room. Megan is standing beside him with a huge smile on her face giving us all a small wave.

"Here is your oldest son mom. He can fill you in." Fuck, I just hope my dad doesn't go completely ape-shit when he hears about the pregnancy.

One look at my brother tells me he is nervous. Weird, because my brother doesn't do nervous. He does stupid very well…not nervous. I change seats and go to sit next to Ana who immediately shifts closer to me.

"Elliot, Megan…" My mother carefully walks to where they are standing and first hugs Megan and then my brother.

"Hello Megan." My mother says lovingly. "You had us worried when you left the other day."

"I'm sorry about that" Megan says and she looks really uncomfortable.

"Why don't we all sit down?" Elliot says. My parents, Megan and Elliot sit down. My brother's leg is nervously popping up and down.

"We are waiting son." My dad says impatiently when Elliot starts stalling.

"Well" Elliot starts and looks nervously in my direction. I just stare at him blankly. _Good luck dude._

"I wanted to call you these past couple of days, but I…well actually we decided against it because…well you see…we thought that it was best if we shared our news in person." My brother starts brushing his hands through his hair. "And it's actually wonderful that the entire family is present, well except Mia of course, but I will call her later…it is still very early in Paris."

"Elliot, for the love of all that's holy…do you want me to count to three?" My mother says glaring at him.

 _Horror! No mother do not count to three please!_ I think to myself. _Do not unleash the "momster"!_

"Mom, dad…you are going to be grandparents…" Elliot blurts and looks anxiously at our parents who are both stunned into silence.

Even though Ana and I already knew that Megan was pregnant I think it makes it somehow real now that he has said it out loud and shared the news with our parents. And even though my brother's eyes are tense I also see this sparkle in his eyes. He is happy. He is going to be a father and he probably can't wait to tell the world. How is my brother feeling I wonder? Is he worried, afraid, anxious maybe? Probably not. Elliot's is a very relaxed guy, taking everything as life throws it at him. He never needed rules or control. He was and still is carefree and happy Elliot. I often envied him during my childhood. Elliot could walk into a room and they all would laugh at one of his stupid jokes, while I was reserved and kept to myself…afraid that someone would find out how rotten I was inside. Elliot was the one who brought home friends and girlfriends. And now Elliot is the one who is going to be a father. He is the one making my parents grandparents for the first time.

It hurts. It hurts him telling my parents that they are going to be grandparents. I'm happy for them, I truly am. I know for sure that they are going to be wonderful parents, however it saddens me. Why did we have to share devastating news and they get to share something magical and perfect. Ana is right…it isn't fucking fair.

I wrap my arm around Ana's tender shoulder and push her towards me. She leans her face against my shoulder and sighs. _I'm so sorry baby._

"What do you mean?" My mother whispers. She doesn't know if she wants to cry or smile. Her eyes are darting nervously to Ana.

"Mom…it means that Megan is pregnant…" A deafening silence descends over the room. _Fuck this is awkward and really uncomfortable._ I feel Ana shift beside me. With the tears streaming down her face she walks towards Megan and hugs her. Both girls are crying now and holding each other tightly. They are both crying for different reasons, but I know my wife is happy for them.

"Congratulations. I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy" Ana says when she releases Megan. "I am truly happy for you." She then turns around and hugs Elliot who takes her in one of his famous, yet annoying bear hugs. _Enough with the fondling already!_

"Oh Christian! Did you hear that?" Melissa is jumping up on down in her seat. "I am going to be an aunt! Oh my god, I hope it's a little girl, then when she gets older we can have sleepovers and I can babysit and oh my god I am so happy!" She flies towards Elliot and Megan hugs them.

My parents are looking at the scene unfolding in their living room. "Mom…" Elliot starts and he looks close to crying too. "Aren't you happy mom? You are going to be a grandmother…that's what you always wanted."

"Of course I'm happy…I'm sorry I wasn't expecting this…oh dear…I'm going to be a grandmother." My mother replies emotionally and hugs both Megan and my brother.

"Son, Megan congratulations." My father hugs my brother and then Megan. _Well that didn't go as I expected. He took the news really well._

"So, now that everybody is happy we also want to share that Megan and I got married." He blurts out in a typical Elliot way.

"You got married?" My father booms. "You eloped?"

"Yes, dad and I would appreciate it if you would be happy for us." Elliot has his hands clenched at the sides.

My dad stares at him for the longest time. "I am happy for you son, however and I think I'm also speaking on behalf of your mother, we would have loved to be part of your wedding day."

"We didn't seem any reasons to wait dad. Megan and I discussed it and we decided to fly to Vegas the same day. That's the reason I was off the radar for a couple of days…we were having a little honeymoon."

He grins and slumps back on the couch. "So what's for dinner…because all of that talking made me hungry."

 **APOV**

The mood at the dinner table is…odd…to say the least. Elliot and Megan are both so excited and happy about welcoming a little baby, that they just can't stop talking about it. Understandingly so. Grace is trying, she is really trying to smile and come up with the perfect response, but I can feel that she is torn. Not even a week ago she was with us in the hospital where we were told that we just had a miscarriage.

I can see in her eyes that she is delighted in becoming a grandmother, however she probably also feels guilty for feeling such happiness since her youngest son is struggling with the miscarriage.

She should be happy, because this is wonderful news. I decide to talk to her later. What happened to Christian and me should not stand in the way of her happiness for Megan and Elliot's baby. It is a small miracle and our miscarriage should not overshadow it. And like they say…life goes on.

Christian hasn't let go of my hand the entire time. I know he is suffering too. And knowing Christian, I know he is very happy for Megan and Elliot, but I know he is thinking in the same lines as I am. Why did this have to happen to us?

"Oh, we also have an ultrasound picture!" Elliot says excited. "Would you like to see?"

"Of course…we would love to…" Again Grace eyes dart to mine. I try to put a genuine smile on my face. Silently telling her that it's okay.

The little picture goes around the table and Grace and Carrick look at it emotionally. With an apologetic look in her eyes, Grace passes me the ultrasound picture. And there is a tiny dot, that's their baby. "See that little 'x'? Elliot is pointing with his huge finger at the ultrasound picture in my hand. "That's his heart…fuck that was awesome."

"He is now the size of a kidney bean." Elliot keeps rambling while I am mesmerized looking at the ultrasound picture. "His fingers, hands and toes are developing at this point and so are his little lungs." I feel Christian holding his breath. His hand is now squeezing mine to the point of discomfort.

"I looks like a little blip" I whisper.

"Oh fuck and when we heard the heartbeat, it was like thumb, thumb, thumb…that was amazing." He stares at Megan and smiles.

"You should hurry little brother…"Elliot playfully hits Christian's shoulder. "Just hurry up and make a little baby and our kids would grow up together…how fun would that be?" Elliot is beaming with pride.

"Why don't you just shut the fuck up Elliot?" Christian growls and he goes to stand so freaking fast from his chair that if falls backwards on the perfectly polished wooden floor, making a crushing sound.

"What the fuck Christian…" Elliot looks taken aback from Christian's outburst.

"Just shut up!" Christian yells and pushes Elliot.

"What the fuck crawled up in your ass man, can't you just be happy for us?"

By taking a deep breath Christian tries to regain his composure, but I can see he is losing the battle. Moreover because Elliot can seem to stop.

"Why does it always have to be about you Christian?"

"It is not about me you fucker!" Christian leaps forward and pushes Elliot through the room against a wall. "My wife was fucking pregnant, but she lost the baby…are you satisfied now?"

Elliot hands fall limb on his side. He is looking at Christian completely confused.

"I didn't know!" Elliot yells back while he tries to push Christian away.

"You don't know because we couldn't reach you, you stupid dick! We all tried to call you!" Christian yells at him.

"I told you man…" Elliot tries to explain, but he is rudely interrupted by Christian. "Yeah, you were having a little honeymoon. Well fuck you man, the news of the miscarriage is now public news, it has been plastered on every fucking newspaper! Haven't you seen the reporters camped out in front of the house when you drove by or were you still having that little honeymoon?" Christian is yelling and he still hasn't released the hold he has on Elliot's collar.

"I'm sorry Christian…but man you are both young…you still have time…"

"Oh Elliot" I hear Megan whispering from the other side of the table. The tears are streaming down her face.

A growl emanates from Christian's body as he listens to his brother rambling. "Just shut the fuck up Elliot!" He booms. "We are young, and we may have all the fucking time of the world, but that's not the point Elliot! You are a fucking idiot!"

"Christian! Stop!" Melissa screams. "You are hurting Elliot, you are hurting him!" She is clearly upset.

Christian pushes Elliot against the wall and then releases him as if his hands were on fire.

Before leaving the room Christian suddenly turns on his heels and points his long finger to Elliot. "You know dickhead, before you make another of those stupid comments again, I really want you to think…you know think! For fuck sakes use your brain!" He points to his head repeatedly with his finger. "You should try it sometime, it can be a real eye-opener for you big brother. Because you know what Elliot?" Christian is fuming. "We may get pregnant again, because like you just pointed out, we are still young right? But guess what? We are never getting our baby back! Our baby can never be replaced!"

With that Christian turns around and walks out of the room slamming the door behind him.

Everybody is shocked into silence. Carrick, Grace, Melissa, Megan and Elliot are all looking at me. I start to fidget with the napkin on my lap and try really hard to swallow past the lump in my throat. _This is so fucked up._

"Why didn't you tell us Ana…if we had known…I'm so sorry." Megan is crying while she whispers her apologies.

"It's okay Megan…we are truly happy for you…" I stand from my chair placing my napkin on the table. "It's just…I'm sorry…I'm going to see where Christian went off to."

After a long search I finally find my husband on the far side of his parents' garden, sitting under a giant tree. He has his arms resting on his knees while he is looking across the water.

"I'm sorry…" He whispers when I sit beside him.

"I understand Christian."

"Do you think our little baby was sick Ana?" He sounds so sad. So broken.

"I don't know Christian…I wish I knew the answer." I've asked myself the same question several times, but every time I come to the same unsatisfying conclusion; _I don't know_. And we will probably never know.

"Maybe God or the universe has a reason for taking our little baby away from us…" I whisper.

"I know that everything happens for a reason, but I just wish I knew what that reason was. I mean don't you think we both have been through enough already? Why take this away from us. It's just…why Ana…why?"

We sit like this for a long time. Me leaning with my head against Christian's chest. Where in spite of the turmoil that is now raging in my body, I feel myself calming down just by listening to the steady beating of his heart.

"It hurts here." Christian points at his chest.

"I know…"

"It hurt the most when my brother showed us that ultrasound picture. I looked at his face and I wanted to punch him so bad Ana…then when I saw you brushing your finger along that piece of paper…" He shakes his head. "It broke my heart Ana."

"Christian, please don't resent that little baby."

"I don't." He replies immediately. "Somewhere deep inside I can't wait to meet him or her. I just wished that things were different."

"We just keep hoping, we keep having faith and who knows."

"Yeah maybe…but we always have each other right Ana?" Christian shifts and takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. His gray, sad eyes looking intensely at me. _I love him so much. I wish I could make his sadness and grief go away._

"Please promise me that this isn't going to tear us apart Ana…" He chokes out.

"I promise Christian."

His eyes wander to my lips and ever so slowly I see him coming closer, until I gently feel his lips brushing against mine. As we deepen our kiss and I place my hands on Christian's face I feel and taste his tears. _Oh Christian._

 **CPOV**

"Don't you think she will mind coming all the way to the apartment?" Ana is fidgeting with her hands in her lap as we ride back to Escala.

"Who, Dr. Green?"

"Yes…I mean we could have gone to the hospital, you know like normal people." She whispers.

"We could, but one we are not exactly normal Ana and secondly I don't want to give those fucking reporters more things to write about. Why did you make an appointment with her Ana?" I ask the question what has been bothering me since Ana told she made an appointment with Dr. Greene.

"She was the only doctor available since it is the weekend…and I have a few questions." She turns her head and looks out of the window. The scenery quickly passing by. People living their lives normally. They have no idea of what the two people in the back of the black, shiny SUV are feeling right now. No, they just go on living their own lives.

"I'm sorry…it's just that I don't like Dr. Green." I admit.

"Me neither." She isn't looking at me. She is thinking.

"Do you know Dr. Greene?" Her face slowly turns until she is completely facing me. I can't read her face though.

"Yes…I know her." I reply reluctantly and immediately take on of her hands in mine. She just stares at me, not acknowledging that I just took hold of her hand. Not acknowledging the pleading in my eyes.

"She…" I clear my throat. "Dr. Greene was the gynecologist I used for my submissives. I was told she was the best." I admit. Ana's blue, sad eyes widen and the blush spreads from her neck to her face. She is silent as her eyes search my face. When she doesn't react I decide to apologize. _Again._

"I'm sorry Ana…"

"We've already discussed your past Christian. You have told me time and time again that you can't help what's in your past. I get that. However, this will be the last time I spend time with that woman in a room." She turns her face back to the window. I can't help the overwhelming feeling of relief flooding my body.

* * *

"Mr. Grey, Dr. Greene has arrived." Taylor announces as he enters my study.

Walking into the great room I see the bitch standing near the couch watching her surroundings.  
"Mr. Grey." She nods with that cold, bitchy attitude. "Second room on my left, I assume?" Her eyebrow shoots up in a very condescending way. _What the fuck?_ Second room on her left? The submissives room?

"I beg your pardon?" I cross my arms in front of my chest and cock my head to one side.

"Let's not play games Mr. Grey. I have been here many times before." She also cocks her head to the side and grasps the handle of her gigantic brown leather bag with two hands.

"Your _wife_ is waiting in the second room to my left right?" She says pronouncing the word wife as if it were a curse.

"Dr. Greene, may I say that I don't like your attitude or behavior? My wife is in our bedroom waiting for your arrival. My wife, who not even a week ago underwent a massive traumatic experience. My wife that at the time she went trough said traumatic experience did also have to deal with a cold, distant and very unprofessional physician. It is my wife who's answers where dismissed by you." I point my finger at her and take a step closer.

"Mr. Grey." She starts. "I have to say that I don't appreciate the tone you are using right now. To me you have always been cold, harsh and distant. The way you used to treat your former partners was appalling and disgusting."

"And so you decided to treat my wife cold, appalling and disgusting?" I boom at her and take yet another step in her direction.

"I don't recall you walking away Dr. Greene? I don't recall you feeling appalled by the money I payed you. If you really where that appalled Dr. Greene…why didn't you refer me to another doctor?"

"You are pulling everything out of context Mr. Grey." She says in an infuriated tone.

"No I am not. Let me be very clear Dr. Greene. I don't give a shit about how you think about me, all I care about is my wife. I have always been told that doctors listen to you and respond to your questions and concerns. Doctors should give you information and advice. But most importantly is that a doctor has to treat her patients as individuals. Doctors must be polite and considerate to you and people close to you, and treat you with dignity and respect." I take another step. "You didn't do all of those things I mentioned. Instead of showing my wife compassion and respect your professionalism and competence were clouded by your judgement which was based on my past. My wife is nothing like me Dr. Greene. She is compassionate, loving and caring and that's the way she should be treated."

I cross my arms in front of my chest and continue when she hangs her head. _Stupid bitch._

"The only reason I let you come here today, is because you were the only doctor on call, and my wife has different questions. And I want to say it again. The way you treated my wife was horrific. Definitely not the way how a respected doctor should behave. Now I want you to drop the attitude and answer all of my wife's questions with care and respect." And I take another step. "I am a very wealthy man Dr. Greene, and I can crush your reputation with one flick of my wrist. I would only have to make one phone call and I would make sure you never get a job in this country again. And believe me I won't hesitate, because I can assure you…if you thought of me as cold and distant before…imagine how you would feel when I'm finished with you." _Fuck! I feel a lot better now._

* * *

Three hours later we are on our way to Greece. I watch Ana sleeping next to me. A little smile creeps on my face as I see the cabbage leave peeking out of her t-shirt. Even wearing cabbage leaves she looks amazing. To me she will always be perfect and beautiful, no matter what.

 _Flashback – earlier that afternoon_

" _Shit Christian…don't you ever knock?" I never knock. She should be used to this by now. I furrow my brow as I watch her standing with a cabbage in her hands._

" _What are you doing?"_

" _What you saw earlier, you know when we were still at the cottage…I was lactating…" She blushes and bows her head._

" _Lactating?"_

" _Yes…" She whispers._

" _And what has the cabbage has to do with lactating?"_

" _Your mom told me that if you place a cold cabbage leave in your bra it helps_ _to relieve engorgement and tenderness."_

" _A cabbage?" I can't wrap my head around this. A fucking cabbage?_

Then suddenly Ana started to giggle. That giggle turned into a nervous laughter and then she wrapped her arms around me and buried her head in my chest. She started to cry inconsolably. It was devastating and heart wrenching. This was not making our loss only emotionally excruciating, but sometimes physically painful as well.

I let her cry until she didn't have any more tears and helped her with the cabbage leaves. It was awkward but I also felt involved and like there was actually something I could help her with even if it was something as stupid as placing cabbage leaves in my wife's bra. I couldn't care less. I would place cabbage leaves against my chest as well if it helped her. Hell I would even walk with a cabbage leaf plastered against my forehead. The only thing I want is for my wife to feel better. That's the only thing I ask for.


	11. Chapter 11 - Happy birthday to you

**Chapter 11 – Happy Birthday to you…**

 **CPOV**

She is so beautiful while she sleeps. Even though she is wearing the un-sexiest pajamas ever, she is still my beautiful wife. The are no worry lines, no sad eyes. She is radiating serenity, tranquility and peace. She looks just like a 23 year old girl needs to look. Carefree.

I glance at the clock on the nightstand and decide that she has slept enough. I am so fucking exited that I can't wait to wake her and give her the gifts I bought her. As gently as possible I pull down the white embroidered sheets to uncover her perfect, tiny ear. Briefly her nose crinkles in an annoyed way. _My girl really loves her sleep._ But fuck she is cute when she does that thing with her nose.

"Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…happy birthday dear, sweat, beautiful Anastasia…happy birthday to you…" I whisper in her ear and start peppering kisses on her warm, sleepy face.

I expect her to turn around giving me one of those beautiful smiles and to hug me. But my wife is still sleeping. She hasn't even stirred. _Persistence pays off Grey. Do it again._

"Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…happy birthday dear, sweat, beautiful Anastasia…happy birthday to you…" And voila!

"Christian…" She starts groggily. Her eyes still closed. "Why are you singing?" I stifle a chuckle.

"Anastasia can you open those eyes for me baby?"

"Do I really have too? It is probably still very early. God why do you always wake up this early?" She wines.

"It's your birthday baby and I already sang to you…the least you can do is open those eyes for me." Pushing her hair to one side I start nuzzling her neck.

"That tickles Christian." She giggles. "Sing for me again. I didn't hear it." Her eyes are still closed, however there is a smile on her face.

"Are you sure you want me to sing again?" I lay my head on the pillow and watch her face. Eyes still stubbornly closed, that smile still on her lips.

"Uh huh…it's my birthday." She pouts.

"Okay…here goes: Happy Birthday to You, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too." Her eyes pop open and she starts laughing. The sound is so infectious that I start laughing along with her. _God. That sound. I've missed it._

Wrapping her arms around my neck she starts peppering my face with little, perfect kisses. "Thank you…I love waking up like this…you are the best husband ever. I love you." Even though she tells me she loves me a lot of times, I still get a tingle in my stomach every time she declares her love for me.

With a content sigh she plops back into her pillow and just stares at me. "I never heard that special birthday-song version before. Where did you get that from?" She is softly brushing her fingertips against my lips.

"We always sang that for Mia."

"With 'we' you probably mean Elliot and you." She smiles and shakes her head.

"Yup. She hated it." I don't want to think about my brother, and I sure as fuck don't want to talk about him either. I push my brother to the back of my head, lean closer to her and brush my lips against hers. "Happy birthday baby…Birthdays are a new start, a fresh beginning, and a time to pursue new endeavors with new goals. Move forward with confidence and courage. You're a very special person. May today and all of your days be amazing!"

Her eyes immediately fill with tears as she takes my face in her hands. "Why are you crying Ana? Don't cry baby…"

"Happy tears…" She sniffs. "And you are so sweet and amazing Christian."

"Okay…it's time for the presents." I jump excited from the bed and drag her along with me.  
"Geez Christian calm down…I just woke up." I ignore her and drag her towards the living room of the villa.

"Close your eyes." I say standing before the closed door. "And no peeking woman!"

"I promise…but if I have to keep my eyes closed for a long time, the chance that I fall asleep again is very likely…" She closes her eyes and when I don't move or say anything she sighs. Then I start waving my hand in front of her face. "Christian!" She says stomping her bare foot on the marble floor.

"Just checking baby." I add with a chuckle.

With my arm around her waist I carefully guide her towards where the cake and presents are.

"You can open your eyes beautiful." I whisper in her ear. Immediately her hand flies towards her mouth. "Oh my god! Is that cake for me? Oh my god Christian that is amazing…so beautiful…" She walks around the cake that I placed on a round table in the middle of the room. "A cake of stacked books…where did you get this?"

"In Seattle…"

"Can I taste it?"

"Yes, but first I have more presents for you…" I say taking her in a hug and kissing her forehead.

"There are more presents?" She says incredulous and she starts looking around in the room. She looks so happy and excited right now and that is when I remember what she told me right after we came back from our honeymoon. She isn't used in getting a lot of presents for her birthday thanks to her fucked up mother.

I carefully hand her the next present and watch while she carefully pulls the tape off. "Oh Christian, Cartier." Her eyes quickly meet mine. "It's beautiful Christian." She gasps and takes the charm bracelet out of the box.

"The charms all represent something personal." I say as I see her looking at the individual charms. "A coffee mug?" She giggles.  
"Look we have the 'C' for Christian, and indeed the coffee mug, because my girl loves to drink coffee, then we have a little house…that represents our cottage in Bainbridge Island. The place where I first laid eyes on you, where we made love for the first time and where you accepted my marriage proposal." I watch as she listens intently. There are tears gathering in her eyes. "Then we have the heart…well that doesn't need explanation either, that means that you own my heart baby…" I kiss her now wet cheek and continue. "The book…because my wife loves books. And we have the beetle car for your beloved Wanda…I still think it's a deathtrap though." I add with a grin. Ana giggles through her tears and looks at me so that I continue with the rest of the charms. "Then we have the motorcycle…fuck baby when I saw you stepping of your bike…" With my thumbs I clean her tears and just look at her. _She is so beautiful._ "This key…" I clear my throat at the remembrance of the day Ana gave me the keys to the cottage. "This key represents the key of the cottage. I remember vividly the way I felt after you gave them to me." I shake my head and as I think back it seem ages ago, but it has only been a few months. "And then we have the handbag…" I let the word hanging in the air. She giggles again and covers her eyes with one hand. "Then there is the beer bottle." She looks at me confused. "Don't tell me you forgot that day at the cottage where you got incredibly drunk with Mia and Megan?" I raise my eyebrow and wink at her. That beautiful blush spreading across delicate skin. "Finally I added the letter L for Lambert and the letter S for Steele…because those names are an equal part of you as Grey." She dissolves in sobs as she holds the bracelet in her hand and buries her face in my t-shirt. She starts talking into my chest in a high pitched voice. She sounds so adorable but I truly don't understand a word she is saying. _Fuck wait until I give her the next present._

"Calm down baby…I can't understand what you are saying." I coo in her ear.

"It's …it is just such a perfect gift…so thoughtful…so very you… thank you Christian…I love my gifts they are amazing…" Her hands glide under my shirt and starts rubbing my back. The feeling is so perfect and amazing that I just stand there with her in my arms. Fuck I missed this. I missed having her in my arms. The feeling of her hands touching me. I just missed her.

"I have another gift Ana…come."

"But Christian…you already gave me the cake and the bracelet." She whispers.

Leading her to the patio I take her to the lounge bed and give her the perfectly wrapped long shaped box. Untying the pink bow she opens the box with trembling hands. "A key?" She says looking at me.

"Yes, and I hope you don't get mad, but I know how much you like spending time here in Greece and how much you loved this villa…" I shrug and let the words sink in.

"You…you didn't?" She says, her eyes wide.

"I did baby. This villa is for you."

"Christian…you can't buy me a house!" She places the key on my lap and starts wringing her hands in her lap.

"Why not?"

"Why not? Are you crazy? A house Christian…a freaking house…" She stammers.

"You don't like it?"

"I love being here and I love this house you know that…" She says staring at the astonishing view.

"Then I don't see the problem." I put the key back in her hands and take her on my lap. "Don't you see Ana…I love you and I would give you the world just to see you happy…"

"But…" She starts.

"Ana…I could buy you this freaking island. Please accept it and be happy. I thought about it and I don't like the idea of the house being empty when we can't be here. So I suppose it would be a good idea to hire a gardener, a housekeeper and maintenance man. "

"That is a great idea Christian."

"I thought you might like it…so does that mean you accept my gift?"

"I guess that means I accept your outrageous gift…thank you."

"You are very, very welcome." Holding the symbolic key in her hands she leans back in my chest and sighs.

Ana has been quiet for a while know…and even though she likes to talk and shares almost everything with me I can feel at the way she is biting her lip and the way her brow is creased with a worry line that something is playing around in that beautiful head.

"What is bothering you?" I brush my thumb against her plump lips.

"I don't want to sound ungrateful or bratty…" Her hands are nervously fidgeting with the key in her hands.

"I don't want those people in our home when we are here…I just want to be able to walk around and be sure that no one is going to pop out of nowhere. I want to be able to open the refrigerator without being asked what I want…I want to be able to walk around naked in my own home if and when I want…"

"Does it bother you so much Ana?"

She nods her head. "I love Gail, please don't get me wrong…but it sometimes really bothers me that she is constantly seems to be one step ahead of me." _That's her job._

"I want to be the one who decides what we are having for dinner…I want to come home from work and talk with my husband about anything that comes into mind without her being privy of it."

"Then we will have to work something out when we move into the new house…" I add quietly. "Don't worry about it Ana. We still have a few months until we can move in anyway…we can build like a guest house for them. One that isn't connected to our home. I will talk with Taylor about how we have to tackle security." I never really wasn't aware how much Taylor, Sawyer and Gail's presence bothered her. _I don't even notice them anymore._

Both Taylor and Gail have been a constant factor in my life for the last 5 years. I hired Taylor pure for security reasons when GEH started to grow. And Gail was a requirement because of my lack of cooking skills. I can truly say that they have always been sincere and very good to me, however I can see where Ana is coming from. We hardly have any privacy. The reason it never bothered me that much was probably because I was hardly at home. And when I got home, it was Gail who was waiting for me in the kitchen. After dinner I would flee to my study to continue working until exhaustion would set in.

"It is so beautiful and peaceful here. Thank you Christian." Ana says content.

"What do you want to do today?"

"I would like to go into town and rent a scooter so we can tour the island. We didn't get to do that during our honeymoon."

"Then that's what we will do. Now let's have breakfast and then we'll ask Taylor to drive us to town."

 **APOV**

"Just hop on op Christian." I hold on to the scooter's handlebar as if my life is depending on it. _I am not letting go_. Looking up at Christian who has an almost haunted expression on his face is actually amusing. We have been standing here for almost 20 minutes. Arguing. There is only one scooter available at the little rent shop so there is no other way than to share a scooter. In itself this is romantic, fun and amusing. Well, not according to my husband, and certainly not if he is not the person authorized to drive.

"Ana…" He says in a warning tone. His eyes darting from my hands to my eyes.

"It's my birthday." I pout.

"Yes, true…" He says holding his hands up. "And I want to share many more with you." He says matter of fact.

"So you are implying that if I drive the scooter I won't live to celebrate another birthday?" I cock by eyebrow and dare him to agree with that. _Make my day Grey._

"Well no…that's not what I mean…baby…it's just that I feel more comfortable if I am able to drive…" He is trying for another tactic now giving me his puppy dog eyes. _Not. Working. Grey._

The clerk from the rental shop and Taylor are watching amused at our interaction. I watch as the clerk says something to Taylor. Taylor seems to think about in and smiles extending his hand. They shakes hands and return to watch us. _Did they just make a bet?_

"Well I don't know what you are planning on doing Christian, but I really want to go."

"Fine…but only because it's your birthday and I am the one driving on the way back." He mutters as he puts his helmet on. He mutters a few more things under his breath and I think he is lucky that I am not able to hear him.

Our destination is the natural hot water spa in Kos… I have noticed that after ten minutes into our ride Christian is a little more relaxed. At first he was holding me so tight that I seriously thought I would break in two. Occasionally I am rewarded with a little kiss, his hands loosely holding on to my hips.

"Are you having fun?" He shouts over the noise of the scooter.

"Yes!" I shout back and nod my head to emphasize that I really am having a good time.

"Good!" He shouts back and I am rewarded with another kiss this time on the back of my neck.

When we arrive at our destination Christian takes the scooter from me and parks it.

He looks as if he is hurting…somehow. He even has little beads of sweat on his upper lip. "Christian…are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, sure…why?" He asks not meeting my eyes.

"You seem a little…pained? Are you in pain Christian?"

"I have a little situation…" He whispers in my ear. It tickles. And he smells so nice.

"What situation?" I whisper back.

"The boys…you know." He replies cryptically. The boys? What boys? I don't see anyone.

"What are you talking about Christian? What boys?"

"Ana…" He says exasperated brushing his hand through his hair. "My boys as in my crown jewels, my sack, my balls…"

"Geez, I get it…what about them?" I say glancing down.

"They somehow got tangled up." He whispers. "And it's really…really uncomfortable…" He blushes and shoves his hands in his pockets. _Never knew that could happen._

"Well…go find a bathroom and … untangle them…" I whisper-giggle.

"Not funny Ana…" Still with his hands in his pockets he starts to shuffle on his feet.

"You are not untangling them as we speak are you?"

"God no!" He quickly pulls his hands from his pocket and holds them in the air. "Do you really think I would untangle my mashed balls here in fucking public?"

"Everything all right…Mr. Grey… Ana?" Taylor is now standing next to us. He and Sawyer followed us in the car.

"Sure…Taylor…we were just discussing…it's that Christian…needs to recover from our trip." I ramble and smile.

"Very well." He nods and looks warily at Christian. "We will be keeping our distance Sir, as you requested." With a single curt nod, he walks a few feet away.

"Let's see if they have a bathroom there." Christian points to a little cantina on the top of the rock.

As we walk up to the little cantina I watch a few people swimming in the hot spring. There is a small section of the sea that has a small pool dug out. I have read that the water is extremely hot and that makes for a great experience. It is too bad I can't swim right now.

While Christian uses the bathroom I sit at the veranda of the little restaurant and stare at the menu.

In all fairness; their menu card is nothing special; hot dogs and ice cream. Given that it isn't even noon, I'd rather go for the ice cream.

I watch as Christian comes walking back from the bathroom, phone in his hand…probably responding to an e-mail or text. However, when he spots me he pushes his phone back in his pocket and smiles weirdly.

"So, everything…untangled?" I ask him when he takes a seat next to me. I bite my lip so I don't burst out laughing.

He narrows his eyes at me, but I don't miss the smile he is trying to suppress.

"Seriously Christian…" I entwine my hand with his and kiss his cheek.

"Yeah, I guess…I don't know what happened…probably the drive up here…fuck those bumpy roads and all those hills…" We are interrupted by his bleeping phone. Taking it from his pocket he quickly open the text, but turns the phone so that I can't see what he is reading. _What is going on? Is he hiding something?_

"What is it?" I ask when he starts typing.

"Huh…oh nothing baby…just work. Nothing to worry about." Brushing his hand through his hair he takes the menu in his hands and immediately puts it back on the table.

"My guess is that we are having ice-cream."

* * *

"Are you tired?" Christian hands me a glass of sparkling water and sits beside me at the edge of our pool. _How weird is that? I own a pool. Even weirder and surreal…I own a house in Greece._

"No…I'm not tired. I really enjoyed today Christian. Thank you…for everything it was amazing."

He smiles and looks at me. "The walk around Psalidi Lake was pretty awesome right?" He says.

"It certainly was…it was peaceful and really beautiful."

"Then why are you looking so concerned? What is bothering you? Are you in pain Ana…because if you are in pain you need to tell me immediately" He stresses and the panic is evident on his face.

"No, I'm not sick…and I am not in pain…It's nothing really…" I take a sip of the refreshing water and swallow.

"Let me be the judge of that…tell me Ana."

"You must think I am being silly…" I feel my bottom lip starting to quiver. "I was just thinking…that…no one called me for my birthday…I mean I was used to it before you know…only my dad remembered to call me, but now…I don't know I was hoping that my grandparents would have thought of me." I wipe the tears from my eyes in a furious way. I hate being so winey. But it saddens me that they didn't think of me. Christian is starting at me with this weird expression on his face. I can't really decipher what it is though.

"Ana…you have to take into consideration that there is a time difference of nine hours. We are nine hours ahead of them." He looks at his watch and carefully places a loose tendril of hair behind my ear. "It is still early morning in Seattle… and in Boston…" He shrugs. "Nana isn't a morning person baby…she is probably waiting for a while longer."

"You are right…" I sniff. "I didn't think of that…"

"Now wipe those tears from that pretty face and tell me what you want to do. We have about three hours and then I have plans for us."

"You do?" I ask excited. "What plans?"

In that typical Christian way he taps the tip of his nose with his finger and winks at me. His shy smile is making me melt inside. "It's a surprise…" He finally admits.

"I don't like surprises" I reply pouting. _The pout normally works._

"This surprise you are going to love…I'm positive. So, like I said you have three hours…what do you want to do?"

"I can choose whatever I want?"

"It's your birthday baby…"

"Then come…" Standing up I extend my hand. Pulling Christian from the floor I guide him towards our bedroom and drag him to our bed. Next I take the book I am reading and hand it over to him. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to read to me." His eyes widen as he sees the title.

"Pride and Prejudice?" He groans but props himself on the bed. I shuffle my body between his legs and lean with my back against his strong chest."

"You've got it all figured out huh baby?" He chuckles and kisses the back of my head.

"Shut up and read."

"Yes ma'am…" Entwining our legs together he starts reading.

With my eyes closed I am really enjoying listening to Christian's voice. I can almost feel him rolling his eyes at certain passages, but I only have to nudge his feet with mine, and he continues as the good husband he is.

" _She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me, and I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men."_

Christian sighs and closes the book. "That Darcy dude was a dick." He growls.

I giggle and turn around to watch Christian tortured expression.

"You are right, he is a rather unpleasant character at the beginning of the novel

because he clearly believes himself to be superior to any of the country people he meets, Darcy proves himself to be a man with many redeeming qualities. He changes from a man who assumes Elizabeth would be flattered to be his wife into a man who hopes Elizabeth will overlook his flaws and love him despite his money and position."

Christian shrugs uninterested. "In my opinion he is still a first class dick." Christian sighs and shifts us so we are now lying facing each other.

"It could have been me you know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that before meeting you Ana, I was a first class dick too. I always behaved superior to others, especially after my business started to take off. I was unpleasant, cold, and aloof."

"But you are none of those things Christian."

"That's because I have you…don't you see?" He runs his finger along the bridge of my nose and then his eyes turn hard.

"Christian…"

"No, listen to me Ana…please. The reason why I acted that way was because I was trying to attempt to hide my feelings of unworthiness…but you…" He smiles.

"You made my cold heart melt in a way I never thought was imaginable. Believe me baby, if we would have met a year prior…you wouldn't have liked me…"

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Because it's the truth. The moment I laid eyes on you I was mesmerized and wanted nothing more than to get to know you…spend time with you. I wanted you to like me…because of me…not because of the billionaire CEO. If I would have met you sooner…I would have manipulated you in becoming my submissive…I didn't know any better." He whispers the last part.

I need to change his train of thoughts. "I'm glad I got to meet the improved Christian. Let's say I got the Christian 2.0!" I smile and hug him tightly. He chuckles and in response he holds me close against him.

"But just so you know…I would have looked past that cold and aloof exterior…because you have always been a good person Christian, you were only taught to think differently." I whisper in his ear.

He doesn't reply. Instead he holds me tighter against him until I break the silence again. "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry…"

"Then come on, I am going to surprise you with one of my specialties."

"You don't have specialties when it comes to cooking Christian." I dead pan.

 **CPOV**

"A peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my beautiful and hungry wife…" Ana stares dismayed at the sandwich and then back at me.

"It's just a snack baby…we will be leaving in two hours…there we will have plenty more to eat."

With her feet dangling in the pool she takes a bite of her sandwich and this time she looks surprised instead of horrified. "This is actually really good…" She admits. "You, Mr. Grey can make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich…"

"It's the secret ingredient I added" I wink at her and stroll over to take a seat next to her.

"It's banana…" She says smugly and bumps her shoulder against mine. "Never ate it like this before…I like it."

"I can't even count the times I ate this back at Harvard." I shrug.

"Did you ever made an attempt to cook during your stay in Harvard?"

"Yeah I did…and it ended in a catastrophe ... I tried to make macaroni and cheese…but I forgot about it and it kind off burned… so the fire alarm went off. Result was that the whole building had to be evacuated until the firemen found out that it was false alarm…there was no fire…only a massive smoke development…I was forced to spend the night in a hotel."

With a small smile she brushes her soft hand against my cheek and busies herself eating her sandwich. _The sandwich I made her._

"When are you going to return Elliot's calls?" She asks suddenly changing the topic. _I'd rather talk about the sandwiches._

"I'm not." I answer clipped.

Ana sighs sadly and places the half eaten sandwich back on her plate. "He is your brother Christian…he…"

"He is my brother but he was an insensitive bastard Ana. Look baby, I am not ready to talk to him yet…I am still too angry. Besides let's not ruin this beautiful day by talking about my brother."

"But you will call him right?" She inquires.

"Eventually…"

"I didn't bring anything pretty Christian." She looks at my tux that is spread out on our bed. "But I did…" I drag her towards the walk in closet and take the white bag from the closet.

"This is for you…"

"But you already gave me so many gifts." She says touching the bracelet.

"Just open it Ana…"

Agonizingly slow she opens the bag to find a dark blue chiffon dress. Her free hand flies to her mouth. "Did you pick this out?"

I just nod. _Proud as fuck._

"It's so perfect…"

"And here are the matching shoes…" I hand her the box.

"Oh Louboutins...they are so beautiful…they are different shades of blue…" Her eyes meet mine and the most amazing smile appears on her face. _Astonishingly gorgeous._

"I wanted to buy you the matching purse, but they didn't come in the right size…"

"What do you mean?" Her nose crinkles and then after a few seconds, I see recognition washing over her face.

"Too small baby…they didn't have the extra-extra-extra-large-versions you seem to adore." She giggles and shakes her head amused.

"You are crazy Christian." She says smiling. Her eyes fixated on the shoes.

"Crazy about you." I wink and then look at my watch. "We are running out of time, we need to get dressed."

"Then I'm going to shower…" She says and walks towards the bathroom closing the door behind her.

Since the miscarriage I haven't seen her naked. She is self-conscious and insecure. And I hate it that she feels that way around me. _I love her._

Placing my ear against the door I hear the water running. Gathering all my courage I decide to enter the bathroom.

Ana is standing with her back facing me, she has her face turned upward the streaming water. I let my eyes wander over her body and swallow. "Can I join you Ana?" My voice echoes against the bathroom walls making her still her movements immediately. Her face is still facing the wall. "Christian…" She whispers still with her back turned to me. "I…I don't know…"

"Ana, can you please turn around and look at me." I plead with her. It takes a few seconds, but then she turns around. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and avoids looking at me.

"I promise I won't touch you if you don't want me to…and maybe you think I am being selfish, but I really need you close…skin to skin." _Please don't push me away._

"Okay…" She concedes with an unsteady voice.

Quickly I remove my clothes and step inside the shower and immediately she walks towards me and I pull her against me. _Finally._

Ever so slowly she wraps her arms around my waist and kisses my chest before she rests her head against it. _This is the best fucking feeling in the world._

"Ana, may I say that you look beautiful." Taylor says as he opens the door for her.

"Thank you Taylor." She says blushing.

"This way baby…" I extend my hand and with her hand safe in mine guide her towards the yachts.

"Oh look!" She says pointing to one of the yachts. "Those people are having a party!" I hide my smile. It is too far for us to see who those people actually are. But I happen to know.

"So it seems" I say. As we approach the yacht is see Ana slowing down. Her eyes are filling with tears and her hold on my hand tightens.

"What…what are they doing here Christian?" I look over at the yacht I rented for the next couple of days and watch our family. Ana's grandmother is crying while Poppa is holding her tight. My parents have broad smiles on their faces with Mia and Melissa standing in between them. Ethan, Megan and Elliot are standing behind them also smiling.

"They came to celebrate your birthday." I whisper in her ear. "You didn't actually believe that they forgot right? They just weren't able to call you…they were on the plane."

With her eyes set on our family she starts walking to the yacht. I guide her along the narrow ramp and immediately she falls into her grandmother's arms. "Oh sweet girl…" Her grandmother whispers.

 **APOV**

I can't even begin to describe what I am feeling right. I have never been someone who liked surprises, but this is really great. Everyone I love is here. They didn't forget my birthday. They just weren't able to call me.

"Oh sweet girl." Nana whispers in my ear. "I am so sorry I couldn't be with you this last week. I am so sorry you had to go through that…"

"You are here now…" I cry. "I missed you so much Nana…"

"Laura! Your time is up woman…" I hear my Poppa's gruff voice however it's full of emotion.

"Come here Ana…" He pulls me in his strong arms and kisses my forehead. "Happy birthday Anastasia…" I see his eyes fill with tears. "Your dad would have been so very proud of you. Both of them" He whispers.

This goes on for a while until I am standing next to Christian again. He hands me a glass of champagne and winks.

"I would like to propose a toast." He says looking at our family. Slowly he turns his head and gives me that handsome smile.  
"Anastasia. There's nothing that will ever stop me from loving you or longing to love you. Our love is too right for anything to get in our way. It's better than anything or anyone. There's nothing that even comes close to you. I love you. Happy birthday!" He leans downs and softly plants a kiss on my lips.

* * *

"How is Paris treating you?" I ask Mia who hasn't left my side the entire evening.

"Just fine. It is a lot to get used too. I mean…I share an apartment with three other girls, I make very long days…and I miss being home." She says sadly.

"Then why don't you come back?"

"I can't" She says determined. "I promised Pierre that I would stay at least until the end of this year. Besides I still have a lot to learn."

"Enough about me." She says faking a smile. "Tell me Ana how are you doing? I tried to call you guys…"

"I'm fine Mia. Christian has been great. So have your parents." I look over at Grace who is having a heated discussion with Christian. _Crap._

Mia takes my hand in her and squeezes gently. "I am so sorry Ana…I am so sorry for you loss. I don't know what to say. If there is anything I can do for you…"

"It's okay. I love that you are here." I squeeze back and then engulf her in a hug.

"Hey can I join you ladies?" Elliot squeezes a chair in between Mia and mine. God. He is so dense sometimes.

"Take my seat Ell…I am going to talk to Megan for a while." Mia says standing from her chair.

"So Ana…" Elliot starts brushing his hands through his hair. "Look I wanted to apologize. I feel horrible about how we left things the other day. I tried to call Christian a thousand times by now but he just doesn't answer my calls."

"I think he needs time Elliot."

"How much time Ana…he…he is my brother. He has been avoiding me the entire evening, he can't even look at me. Tell me how I can fix this!" He is desperate. I can hear it in his voice and I can see it in the way his shoulders are slumped and I even miss that twinkle that always seems to be present in his blue eyes.

"Elliot…like I said." I place my hand over his big one. "Give him time. Christian is hurting."

"But how long? I finally have my brother back Ana…you don't know how he was…" He looks at Christian who is now talking with Ethan.

"Elliot, you had this gigantic blow out with Megan. You come over to our apartment, drunk out of your mind. The next morning you decide to talk to her…then you disappear without telling anyone where you are…we all tried to call you, several times…" I take a deep breath. "You have no idea how worried your parent's have been…"

"I apologized Ana…" he replies exasperated. "I explained. And I admit it was a stupid move, but I can't turn things back."

"Sometimes you have to give it time Elliot." I lean over and wrap my arms around his neck. "Thank you for coming." I see Christian watching me closely from where he is standing still talking to Ethan.

I leave Elliot and walk to the railing and take a sip of my champagne. I can see the little lights from Kos in the distance. It's magical. I wish I could stop the time and stay here forever with Christian. The yacht Christian has rented is amazing. The yacht is decorated with white and gold colored balloons and there is a huge buffet with various Greek specialties. Everything is delicious…well except the oysters. _Who the hell eats oysters anyway?_

"Hey sweetie…may I join you?"

"Of course you can Nana…"

"How are you feeling baby girl…and I want the truth." Her voice breaks at the end. She takes my hand in hers and it is so comforting it feels so nice that I feel the tears stinging behind my eyes. _Oh god, I don't want to cry anymore. I am so tired of crying._

"Please Nana…I…I feel a little lost, but I don't want to cry anymore…I want to be strong, but somehow I can't…and today was so nice, it was perfect and we actually had a good time…" I stop my rambling and try to gather my thoughts. It probably doesn't make sense.

"But there are moments that the grief and pain are too overwhelming right?" She finishes for me.

"Nana, please…I don't want to talk about it right now. Can you please tell me something fun?"

"I actually can…" She says smiling. "Your uncle and Kelly are working on their marriage. They have been seeing a marriage counselor. To make a long story short Henry decided to take on Elliot's offer to come and work for him. So they are packing up their stuff as we speak and they are moving to Seattle."

"That is wonderful news…" "Yes, yes it certainly is." She admits.

"So Poppa and I decided that we are permanently moving to Seattle too."

"Oh my God Nana! You are? That is amazing! That is the best news I've heard in a long time. That means we will be living closely together…you can come over and we can do all kind of things together." I start crying again. I feel my heart leaping in my chest. I will have my family nearby too!

"Those are happy tears right Ana?"

"Oh absolutely…I am so happy Nana…"

"Everything will turn out just fine Ana…you just have to have a little faith. Now I think your husband needs you right now. He has been looking the entire time."

* * *

"What did my brother want?" Christian is standing behind me. His entire body is pressed against mine and the feeling is wonderfully comforting.

"Nothing…he just wants to talk to you…he hates that you are avoiding him. He wants to talk things out."

"I don't…Ana…I can't stand seeing him here. And know this is going to sound harsh, but I can't even stand looking at Megan right now." _I know._

"My mom took it upon her and invited everyone…I thought that my brother wouldn't be able to make it since he just returned from his little honeymoon." Christian grunts the last word. Burying his face in my hair he inhales deeply.

"Have you eaten enough?" He says abruptly changing the subject. I stare at him and raise my eyebrow. "Christian, you have been feeding me the entire time…"

"I still think you should have tried the oysters…" He grins at me making his eyes crinkle in the process.

"Disgusting Christian…I don't even know how you can eat those…little…creatures…" I wave my hands in the air exasperated.

"They're exquisite…next time you should just humor me."

"Christian…you can't expect me to slice that animal from its bivalve home and eat it raw…that's just…just…I can't even find the right word for it." I whisper-yell at him.

"Ana, an oyster is not an animal…" He rolls his eyes and chuckles.

"Look I don't care what it's called…all I know is that an oyster is still alive when you swallow it…it will only die the moment it hits the stomach acid…"

The look on his face changes from smug to a little bit horrified. _Yeah, that thing is still alive when you put in in your mouth._

"I don't want to talk about oysters anymore…" He says determined. "Dance with me…"

"But there is no music." Smiling his mysterious smile Christian turns his head to Taylor and makes eye contact. Suddenly the yacht is filled with Ed Sheeran's voice. This is our song. The song on which he proposed to me. Things were so different back then. It was only Christian and me back then. Back then we weren't grieving and trying to find our place back to each other.

Closing my eyes I lean my head against Christian's chest and push those thoughts to the back of my head.

"We will get there Ana…I promise you we will find that happiness again." And I believe him. Just like he told me _"Our love is too right for anything to get in our way"_

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 **Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me.**

 **Alner X**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – "Raising the ordinary to extraordinary."**

 **September 11** **th** **\- CPOV**

"What is that?" I ask pointing at Ana's hoodie. I have to tread carefully though, because my wife just woke up fifteen minutes ago with a light hangover. She is cranky, sleepy and according to the hoody she is wearing, in desperate need for a cup of coffee.

"A hoodie." She says shrugging. She turns around facing the mirror and starts taming her wild bed-hair.

"I have never seen it before."

"That's because it's new…" She sighs and turns around. She is now applying cream on her face. Why does she do that? She doesn't need that shit.

"Ethan bought it for me. And these pajamas too." Pulling something from the top drawer she throws the pajamas in my direction.

"Why didn't you tell me he bought you this?" I look at the pajamas Ethan bought for my wife and I feel fucking jealous. I know that I have no reason what so ever to be jealous, but I am. I mean the pajamas are ugly as fuck, but I have to admit that he actually took the time to buy them for her. He really thought about if before giving these to Ana. _My wife._

"Because he gave it to me when you were talking with Mia, it seemed pretty serious so I didn't want to interrupt you." She says quietly.

"Does he always give you such personal gifts?"

"He actually does." She admits. "Last year he bought me a t-shirt that said "I like books more than people." She gives me a little giggle and continues dressing.

"You can wear my sweater…" I say. Christ, I am just a few seconds away to tell her to take off that stupid hoodie.

"Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes…" _Ecstatic._

"Okay, then I'll change…" She takes the hoodie off leaving her naked from the waist up. Fuck. Her tits… Clearing my throat I walk towards the dresser and open the drawer. I immediately find the sweater I was looking for and hand it to her.

"Here, this is my Harvard sweater…I'm sure it look better on you than it ever did on me."

"You know there is absolutely no reason what so ever to be jealous Christian." Putting on my sweater she looks at me. "There is nothing between Ethan and me…I really see him like a brother. It is you I fell in love with…it is you I married to." Standing on her toes she kisses my cheek and smiles.

Stepping back in front of the mirror she looks at me strangely while pulling her hair in a bun. "He also gave me tickets for a Nickelback concert."

"Nickelback?" _My wife likes Nickelback? Hard rock band Nickelback?_

"Yes, the concert is in Seattle…somewhere in October I believe…don't remember what date exactly."

"I didn't know you liked Nickelback." I cross my arms in front of my chest and await her answer.

She shrugs. "I guess it never came up." She clears her throat and starts fidgeting with the hem of the hoodie. _My hoodie._

"It is kind of a tradition…" She whispers. "It started at WSU. Kate dragged me one day to one of their concerts." She blushes lightly and walks to the other side of the room where here shoes are.

"Why are you blushing?" _Unless…_

"Was there something else you liked about those concerts…maybe the lead singer?"

"Christian…don't be stupid…" She replies irritated. However her tone is alarmingly nervous.

When I don't reply. She sighs and with her hands on her hips she starts talking with the speed of lightning. "Okay…I might have had a light crush on the guy okay? But I also liked his songs and well excuse me Mr. Grey but I was…what…eighteen years old…so yeah…and know…have you seen the guy? He is like a hundred years old…" _And ugly as fuck._

"So, let me get this straight. For the past five years you have been going to these concerts where you would laugh, sing, dance and gawk at that fucker?"

"Jesus Christian…" She starts rubbing her forehead with her hand and shakes her head. "Listen…I am in a really shitty mood this morning…" Her voice trembles as she takes a deep breath. When her eyes meet mine I see them glistening with tears. "Yes, I went to those concerts and had a really good time…and I think it is downright mean of you to tell me that I have been gawking at someone while we both know what you were doing during the weekends." She spits out.

"You are right…I am…"

"I know I am right!" She says cutting me off. "And another thing…stop with that jealousy thing with Ethan. He has been only good to me. He never ever crossed a line." She furiously wipes the now falling tears from her cheeks and continues. "You are acting like he gave me lingerie instead of a stupid hoodie which I can't even wear in public without making a complete fool out of myself."

Covering her face with her hands she starts to cry.

"Ana…I am one jealous piece of shit…please don't cry…"

"If Ethan wouldn't have been there that day at SIP Christian…"

"I know…fuck I know…" In two strides I stand in front of her and wrap her in my arms. Apologizing repeatedly.

"You are right…I am an ass and a jealous fucker. Please wear that hoodie Ethan bought you…it was childish of me…"

She shakes her head. "No, you only want me to change because you know I'm not wearing anything underneath…I saw you _gawking_ …" She emphasizes gawking and peeks up at me from under her lashes.

"What can I say baby, you have some amazing tits…" I grin at her.

"Yeah, well I have to start with breakfast…"

"Will you please wait for me? Please… I am going to help you with breakfast."

"You can set the table…no cooking." She sniffs and walks towards the bed.

"You know it is amazing the way your parents are still so much in love with each other." Ana is now sitting on the edge of the bed watching me getting dressed.

"I know…" I acknowledge.

"When they were dancing on their song…they looked so happy and still so in love." Plopping down on our bed she sighs. "I want that too you know…I want to have a marriage like your parents and my grandparents have."

"And we will…" Walking over to our bed I climb on the bed and hoover over my beautiful wife. Her brown hair spread out on the white sheets. "The only difference will be that we will be having lots and lots of sex…" Softly brushing my lips against hers I give her a quick peck.

Giggling she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me closer to her. Her lips are now against my ear. However I know what she is going to say and I quickly silence her by kissing her. "Don't. even. Go. There. Anastasia." I playfully growl in her ear.

"Or else?" I can hear the playfulness in her voice.

"There is only one way to find out?" Lifting my head I look into her shiny blue eyes.

"Carrick and Grace Grey have sex a lot of sex. Dirty sex." She says it so quickly in between giggles that it takes me a few seconds to react.

In one quick move I pin her hands above her head and start blowing raspberries into her neck.

"Stop! Stop…Christian…"

"Oh no…I warned you Mrs. Grey…" I move down her body until I reach her stomach. I repeat what I did in her neck. Brushing my lips against her belly she starts squirming and squeaking.

"Christian…stop…you…you…are…tickling…me…" Oh god. Her laughter is like music. I wish I could make her forget all the terrible things just by tickling her belly.

Releasing her hands I carefully lay my head on her stomach. Her hands automatically reach for my head and she start brushing her nails against my scalp.

"You do make me feel better Christian." She says after a brief moment of silence. It is like she can read my mind.

"I do?"

"You do…just by being here with me. Taking care of me…making my birthday the most beautiful birthday ever…thank you."

"Even if I am jealous and make you cry?" I say holding her tighter.

"I love you so much Christian…" She whispers. "Want to know what I figured out all by myself?"

"Do I want to know?"

Sighing she continues. "I love you so much and sometimes you do drive me completely insane, and then somehow I love you even more…I can't explain it, but it is just the way it is. I believe the reason is because it's called true love. You accept a person with all their failures, stupidities and imperfections…and nonetheless you see perfection in imperfection itself."

 **APOV**

Looking around the table I close my eyes and send a little prayer to…well anyone who can salvage this horrible situation. I am now really regretting my enthusiasm of inviting everyone to have breakfast with us at our villa. _Must have been the champagne._ Yesterday it seemed like a great idea since everyone is flying back to Seattle this evening, except for Mia who has to leave earlier. But I couldn't have been more wrong. You can cut the tension with a knife.

"I have finalized the plans for your house." Elliot says breaking the silence. He is looking at Christian who is stoically avoiding his eyes.

"Good, that's what I pay you for." Christian replies gruffly after a few seconds of silence. He doesn't look at Elliot though.

"Maybe you can come over when you get back in Seattle." Elliot tries again. The hurt clearly visible in his eyes.

"I will ask Andrea to make an appointment." Is Christian's answer. This is not going to end well.

"Bro, since when do we need Andrea to make an appointment?"

"Since now" This time Christian looks at his brother. His face is void of any emotion. _Oh Christian._

Elliot just stares back and then bows his head.

"I am sorry guys." Mia starts. "But I need to pack my suitcase, my plane is leaving in a few hours."

"I will help you." Ethan says and drops his napkin on the table. He is ready to bolt.

"Mel. Come and help me please." Mia urges Melissa.  
"But I'm not finished yet." Melissa argues looking at her plate.

"Now Melissa." Mia says more sternly.

"Yes, I think we also need some packing to do." My grandparents both stand from the table and leave the room. As I watch them go I want to run after them and plead them to make me help them with the packing. Just like Mia did with Melissa.

The only ones left at the table are now Grace, Carrick, Elliot, Megan, Christian and myself.

"Our plane leaves later this evening." Carrick announces. "Why don't we go on a little fishing trip? Christian…Elliot? I have read about some amazing fishing spots in the area." Carrick is looking at both his sons.

"Count me out dad." Christian says briefly looking at Carrick before he continues eating his breakfast.

"Christian…" Grace starts but she is immediately cut of my Christian's cold stare. "Don't mom…please don't. We already discussed this."

"But Christian." Grace sure is persistent, I have to give her that. "Elliot is your brother."

"Not by choice."

With a determined gesture, Christian wipes his mouth with the white napkin and puts it on the table.

"Want to join me on the terrace baby? I'll help you clean up as soon as everyone is finished."

"Christian…" taking his hand in mine I look at him and urge him with my eyes to talk to his brother. To let it go. _Please let it go._

But then I see him swallow and his eyes are glassy and a bit red. So, I just nod my head. He is acting indifferent and tough, but he is just trying to protect himself. He is hurting.

From the corner of my eye is see Elliot standing from his chair and throwing the napkin on the table. "Christian, man we need to talk…fuck man don't be like this."

"Elliot please, give Christian some space." I try to reason.

"I don't even know why we were invited." Elliot continues.

"It was mom who took care of calling you…not me." Christian says and drags me along with him.

When I am laying safely in Christian arms in one of the chairs on the terrace he whispers in my ear. "Please don't be mad at me Ana…I just don't want to talk about it right now."

"Promise me not to keep it inside for too long Christian. I am here okay?"

"I promise."

God it is so peaceful out here. The sun is shining brightly and we can hear the sea in the distance, the birds singing. _It's perfect._ Maybe if I shut my eyes things have changed when I open them up again. It never worked before, but maybe now that I have Christian…

"I have good news…" I whisper against Christian's chest.

"What's that baby?" He is lazily stroking my hair with one hand and the other is firmly resting on my waist.

"I stopped bleeding…"

"Really?" He bolts up and takes my face in his hands. "Really Ana?" I nod when I see his happy face.

"But that's good right? I mean that's what that bitch Greene said right?" I giggle and wrap my arms around his neck.

"How are the girls doing?" Christian motions with his chin and gives me a shy smile.

"The girls are fine…" I feel myself blush. "And how are the boys?" Christian snorts and pulls me back to lay on his chest.

"The boys are blue, big and frustrated. But they'll live…" He shrugs, pulls me closer and kisses my forehead.

"I can help you with that…when they have all left…" I crane my head to look at him.

"Absolutely not…" He shakes his head determined. "You know what bitch Greene said…we are in this together Ana."

I shift from his hold to straddle him and place my mouth next to his ear. "I can give you a massage if you want…" I place little kisses in his neck, his jaw and move to brush my lips against his mouth. "Maybe a few kisses to ease the tension…and if that doesn't help…I think we still have some cabbage…" Christian starts to laugh out loud and pulls me against his chest.

"Cabbage huh? I might consider it…"

"Ieuw gross…" We hear from the other side of the terrace. "Mia." Christian sighs.

"I came to say goodbye…" With her arms outstretched she walks to where we are sitting.

"Ana, take good care of yourself okay? And call me!" Mia whispers in my ear.

"I promise…thank you for coming Mia."

"Ana, you know I wouldn't miss your birthday!"

"Christian…" Wrapping her hands around his neck she starts to cry inconsolably.

"Sis…what's wrong."

"Please…make things right with Elliot…I…I know he said some stupid things…but please…he is just a big oaf."

"Don't worry about that…I'll talk to him when I'm ready Mia."

"Promise?"

"I promise…now remember what we talked about yesterday. When you come to visit Seattle we can talk about that business plan you've been working on, because from what you told me it sounds very promising."

"Really?" Mia is wiping the tears from her eyes with Christian's handkerchief which is now covered in mascara.

"Really…now behave yourself out there Ms. Grey…I love you Mia."

"God, I hate goodbyes." She says walking away. She wraps her arm around Ethan's waist and both disappear through the door.

* * *

"Ana…Ana sweetheart wake up…" Someone is nudging my arm gently.

"Go away…" I groan and dig my head deeper in Christian's chest. In the distance I hear someone laughing softly and then it starts again. _The freaking nudging._

"Ana…wake up…" Opening one eye is see my grandmothers smiling face dangerously close to mine. My grandfather is hovering behind her with a gigantic grin on his face.

"I'm so sorry" I stay sitting up…"I think we fell asleep…"

"You both looked so peaceful, so we decided to let you sleep for a while…however we need to get going in a few hours and I wanted to talk to you." She says apologetically.

"Of course…" Christian has also woken up and after he kisses me he leaves to go in search of his parents.

"The view is really astonishing Ana. I can imagine why you fell in love with this place." I see my grandmother carrying a package in her hand while we walk towards the end of the garden.

"We have really good memories of this place. I fell in love with the house and the island the second I set foot on it." I say looking at her. My grandmother who is always smiling now looks so sad.

"Is there something wrong Nana?"

I see that she is trying to compose herself and my heart is breaking. I know that today is the day that my dad passed away. Considering everything that happened this morning I haven't had the opportunity to discuss this with them. To be honest I don't even know what to say, or how to say it. Nevertheless it is important that they know that I remembered. I always remembered, but during my time in Vegas I was never allowed to talk about it. Later, when I was living with Ray I thought it would be too difficult for him if I would bring up my biological father. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So I never discussed it whit him either. _But I always remembered._

"We bought this for you…" She hands me the wrapped package hands it over to me. "I know how much you love to read, however this one is to put your own thoughts in. It's a journal for you."

The journal is beautiful bound with leather that feels soft to the touch. The smell is overwhelming and somehow comforting.

"Thank you…I never had a journal before."

"Writing can be healing. You can write down your most intimate and beautiful moments." Nana lovingly kisses my cheek.

"Would you like to join us for a walk along the beach? Poppa asks motioning with his hands toward the path leading to the beach. In a comfortable silence we walk down the narrow path towards the wide sandy beach.

"What is it that you do to remember my dad? Grace and Carrick planted a butterfly bush in their garden in memory of their lost baby. Christian and I want to plant a field of forget-me-nots in our new house." I tell them timidly. I also tell them about the elderly couple I spoke with on Bainbridge Island and about the bracelet and earrings with the birthstones Christian gave me.

"Since he was a little kid your dad loved the beach, he always said that the feeling of the wind against his face and the sound of the waves calmed him. So at the first anniversary of his death your grandmother and I drove to the beach to honor your father's memory. We have continued this tradition until today."

"Your father also liked to take home all kinds of 'treasures' he would find at the beach. It could be anything. A pebble, a little piece of wood, shells…you name it. However, he mainly collected a lot of stones. They came in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colors. He had jars full of them... So instead of bringing flowers to his grave, we take one of his found treasures back to where it came from. Returning to the location where he loved to be and found the stone helps us cope with our loss and think things over."

"How did you cope in the beginning" I ask and turn my face towards the wind.

"At first we didn't." Nana admits. "The grief was disheartening…but it became almost unbearable when Carla told us that we also had lost our grandchild…but then as time passed we thought what would Frank do?" Nana inhales deeply and wipes the tears from her face. "Well, we felt that the best way to honor Frank's memory was to live as fully and as well as possible…for his brother's sake and for ourselves. We think that's what he really would've wanted. At first you are afraid to forget how he looked, or how his voice sounded, or the way his nose would crinkle as he smiled. Ana…you will never forget…even if you weren't able to hold your little baby in your arms you will forever carry him or her in your heart."

We remain silent while we keep walking along the shore. I feel the sun burning on my skin and the wind blowing against my face. Maybe it is true what they are telling me. Are we afraid to forget about our baby? Or are we afraid to loose ourselves in the all-consuming grief? It is much easier to push away the pain and focus on pleasant thoughts. However, no matter how hard I try the hurt always comes creeping back into my body. It is all consuming.

"You told me yesterday on the yacht that you wanted to be strong, that you didn't want to cry anymore…but you are entitled to feel whatever comes up. Nothing is wrong.

If the urge to cry comes up, just do it. Give yourself permission to feel because this will put you on the path to accepting it. Keeping your emotions bottled up is just too hard. If you keep your emotions inside, you'll only make yourself feel worse about the saddest thing you have ever experienced. You won't ever fully be able to get over it, but you'll be able to build the strength to deal with the death of your child. If you don't embrace your feelings, you won't be able to move forward."

"I think that the horrible truth of any child's death is that, it almost impossible to make sense of it. It goes against every ounce in our being. It's not the natural order of things." I whisper and I don't even know if my grandparents heard what I said until Poppa starts talking.

"Anastasia, the phrase "Time heals all wounds" may sound like a meaningless cliché, but the truth is that you will recover from this loss in time. Initially, memories will hurt you to your core, but at some point that will begin to change. At this point we are able to think about your father and cherish those memories. They bring a smile to our face and joy to our heart. Grief is similar to a roller coaster or the ocean's tide."

"Do you understand what we are trying to tell you sweet girl?" Nana asks lovingly.

At this point, I can only stare at her. The feelings are overwhelming and my thoughts are jumbled and a huge mess. I wish Christian was here with me. I wish my grandparents didn't have the knowledge of losing something as precious as a child.

"We have hit the bottom, we've gone to the lowest place you can go and found there was still something solid beneath our feet and that, eventually, we could start to climb out again."

I nod while I watch my grandfather reach into his pocket and retrieves a simple stone. The stone is not special ... actually it is a simple, ordinary stone. But now, while my grandfather places the stone in my hands it feels like more than an ordinary stone. This stone, however simple, it somehow attracted my father's attention at the time. What was it? What it the ordinary white color? Was it the slightly oval shape, or was it just because he stood out because of its ordinariness. We will never know why he picked out this particular stone. Maybe to him this stone rose the ordinary to the extraordinary, due to its simplicity.

 **CPOV**

"Hi Christian…" Melissa is sitting alone in the living room. Holding a book tightly against her chest.

"Hey Mel…where is everyone?" I plop down next to her and wrap my arm around her tiny shoulder.

"Mom and dad are taking a walk…I think Elliot and Megan joined them."

"Why didn't you join them?" Shrugging she carelessly throws the books she was reading on the table and sighs.

"Elliot is grumpy and Megan … well the only thing she does lately is cry…" She rolls her eyes and picks at her t-shirt.

"She cries?" Megan doesn't seem a girl who cries quickly.

"Yeah…hormones…or at least that's what she keeps saying." _Ah …the hormones. Well, at least she is still pregnant._

"So are you looking forward in going to school next week?"

Again she shrugs and starts nervously fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. "I guess so…you went to Highland Middle school didn't you?" I almost wince at her question. That school doesn't hold very good memories. And that's putting it mildly. I was the same age as Melissa is now and I was getting in to trouble more and more to the point that I got expelled.

"Yeah, I did…"

"Was it fun?" She asks with a small voice.

 _No._ "Yeah, I guess so…you know just school."

"Okay…"

"Christian, can I ask you something?"

"Anything…ask away."

"The other day…I was in your old room…you know at home in Seattle…" She peeks up at me and she is looking extremely nervous.

"Hmm hmm."

"Well I saw this picture…it was a really tiny picture from a woman…and I don't know who she is…I have never seen her before…who is that woman Christian?"

Fuck! Fuck! She probably feels me tensing and she snaps her head to look at me.

"If you don't want to talk about it…it's okay." She is now wringing her little hands. "But I just thought that if that was a girlfriend…I mean an ex-girlfriend…it wouldn't be fair to Ana…and I…I turned the picture around…" Her brown eyes are now looking at me intently as she keeps on rambling.

"That woman…Melissa, that woman is not an ex-girlfriend…Ana was my first girlfriend."

"Okay…then who is she?"

"She was the woman who gave birth to me." I am trying really hard to leave the tension out of my voice…but she feels it.

"So that makes her your mother right?"

"It is complicated Melissa…" I am trying to figure out how to tell her that Ella was a shitty mother, but I don't know if I can and most important if I should. I really don't think Melissa needs my fucked up past in her head.

"I don't see how it is complicated…" She says now a tad annoyed. "If that woman gave birth to you then it makes her your mom…"

"Melissa…look you know that mom and dad…like in Grace and Carrick adopted me when I was four right?"

"Yes…" She nods her eyes wide.

"The woman on the picture…she was extremely young when she had me and she wasn't able to take care of me…"

"Why?"

"She was sick…"

"Oh…" It comes out strangled and it is clear that she has more questions. "What kinds of illness did she have? Wasn't there anybody who could help her?"

I shake my head sadly and I am again reminded off how fucked up my upbringing has been. I bet there were tons of people who would have been able to help her…however…she didn't want any help. She was too far gone for that.

"She was…she was sick in her head Melissa…that woman wasn't able to take care of me…she used drugs."

"Drugs?" She says and pulls her knees up on the couch and puts her arms around them. "Mom and dad told me about drugs and alcohol…they told me never to use them. They made it clear that they were telling me that because they love me and because drugs and alcohol are dangerous and they don't want me to harm myself…Dad also said that it was against the law…" Her beautiful brown eyes are now shimmering with tears.

"After I went to my room that night I did some research and I came to the conclusion that mom and dad where right… drugs can have a huge impact on my life down the line. I also read that people who use drugs…that their attitude changes and that they can become violent…" She swallows visibly and turns to look back at me.

"Christian…did your mom hurt you?"

I am just staring at her. I don't know what to say. I am impressed that a girl her age is able to connect the dots. She takes my silence as a confirmation. And what she asks next floors me. "Did that woman gave you those scars?" Her eyes dart to my chest and then back to my eyes. She looks angry now and agitated. Fuck…I don't know what to tell her. What do I say? That is was my mother's pimp? I can't put that in her head. She is too innocent…too pure.

She sighs and turns her head so that she is fully facing me. "I asked Mia about your scars…she told me that it was from the chickenpox…but when she told me she didn't look at me and her voice sounded really strange…so I knew she was lying. Besides I have been looking through one of moms medical books and then I saw an image and it looked just like your scars…they were burns…were you burned Christian?"

"Yes, I was burned when I was still living with my birthmother…I was too small to defend myself and she was too sick to look after me. The who and why…that's a story for another time okay?"

"Okay…" She says determined this time. She is sniffing and cleaning her nose with the back of her hand. "Can I ask you one more question?" She asks timidly.

"Sure…" I hand her my handkerchief smeared with Mia's mascara and shrug.

"Do they hurt…the scars I mean?"

"No, they don't hurt Melissa…don't worry about that okay. It was a long time ago." I brush my hand across my chest a couple of times to assure her that they don't hurt anymore. I remember how they hurt when that fucker pushed his cigarette into my skin and I remember the smell…and I remember _him_. I will never forget his face…or his voice. " _Here you are you little shit."_

"What was her name?" Melissa's voice pulls me out of the horrific memory.  
"Those are two questions?" I say raising my eyebrow. "Her name was Ella…" I add quickly.

"Ella…" She repeats softly as if she is testing the sound of the name rolling from her tongue. With the handkerchief now clutched in her hands she looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry your mom was sick Christian…"

"I'm sorry too Mel…come here…" I open my arms and she immediately wraps her arms around my waist and buries her face in my chest.

"My mom…" she starts softly. "My real mom…her name was Isabel…she told me when my puppy died that I should remember the good memories…maybe you should do it too…" Her innocence is captivating and unpleasant at the same time. I have to swallow past the fucking lump in my throat.

"Isabel is a beautiful name…" I reply. She nods absently as her thoughts are somewhere else.

"So when I am feeling sad…I try to remember the good times and then I think about the fact that I now have two brothers and two sisters…and of course Megan… I didn't have that before."

"That was a beautiful and wise advice that your mom told you…"

"Yeah, she was pretty cool. And she was really pretty…I think Ana looks like her."

"She does?"

"Yeah, the only difference is that my mom's hair was shorter …and she had brown eyes. But my mom's voice was also soft and gentle and she always felt so soft and warm and smelled so nice when we cuddled."

"I remember when I saw Grace for the first time…to me she looked like an angel and she smelled so nice and her hands where so soft…"

"I know… Grace is the best. But geez when she starts to count to three…" I laugh out loud at her admission. She is right. My mom is sweet and gentle but fuck don't mess with her.

"Elliot always called her 'momster' when she used to do that when we were little…" I see her smile fading a little when I mention Elliot.

"Mom and dad got pretty mad at Elliot and Megan the other day…" _I bet they did._

"Mel, I'd rather don't talk about scary mom…" I say with a grin. "Let's have a piece of cake." I wiggle my eyebrows and she immediately smiles back brightly.

I gently guide her towards the kitchen and cut us both a piece of Ana's birthday cake. I also pour us a glass of milk.

"Did mom and dad get mad at you often?" She asks and takes a sip of the milk.

"I guess so…Elliot and I got in trouble quite often. I remember one time we got in trouble with one of the neighbor kids. It was a skinny ugly boy who was always picking on Elliot. You know that was one of those kids that would always get away with everything."

She nods understandingly. Everyone know those kind of kids. They are everywhere.

"What did he do?" She giggles when she drops the fork. Christ, she doesn't only look like Ana but sometimes she is as clumsy and uncoordinated as my wife. I wait to continue my story as soon as she has gotten a clean fork and is seated back at the table.

"It was Halloween and we had just finished dinner when dad asked Elliot and me to clean up the leaves from the driveway. We didn't argue or complain because after we had cleaned up the leaves we would go trick or treating… Anyway…Mia was always following us, and so she did that evening. Mia was about three years old at the time. She was adorable and while Elliot and I would clean the leaves she would sing and dance…really she was cute. Her laugh was bubbly and contagious…" I take a big chunk of cake and shove it in my mouth earning me an eye roll from my sister.

"Suddenly the shitty kid appeared out of nowhere and startled Mia…he was wearing one of those creepy costumes. Mia was so shocked that she fell backwards and hit her head on the pavement…Elliot just looked at me and he got this really wicked gleam in his eyes. I knew at that moment that skinny boy was getting his ass kicked. Elliot and I dragged him towards the ice cold water and threw him in it. Seems that the kid couldn't even swim properly…to make a long story short mom and dad heard Mia cry and came running outside. They only witnessed us throwing skinny boy into the water…" I smile when I remember the triumphant look on Elliot's face. At that peculiar moment he wasn't only my brother, but he was also a fucking hero.

"Mom and dad got really, really mad. We first got a gruesome longs speech…really we didn't even get to tell our part of the story. We were sent to our rooms without trick or treating…"

"But the worst part was that mom didn't let us taste the apple pie she had baked that afternoon…" My head snaps up to the door where Elliot is standing with my parents and Megan. Without answering or even acknowledging any of them, I turn around and place my glass and plate in the dishwasher. And I really don't know what my brother's problem is but he starts talking again like everything is just peachy. Like he didn't make the most horrible comment a few days ago.

"Hey bro remember that day when we were playing with…" His voice fades as I remember what happened one day.

"Will you just shut the fuck up Elliot!" I yell while turning around.

"Bro…"

"Don't you fucking _bro_ me man…so you want to go down memory lane…good let's do that! Remember that day, I think mom and dad took us to the playground. And you were talking and laughing and shouting. You used to talk all the fucking time! And then you started asking me: " _Why don't you talk? Why don't you talk? Why don't you talk?"_ From the corner of my eye I is see my mother bringing her hand to her mouth the tears silently falling from her eyes.

" _Are you stupid? Are you stupid? Are you stupid?_ That's what you kept asking me again and again and fucking again!" I slam my fists on the kitchen counter and stare at him. "Remember that I jumped on you and smacked your face? Again and again and again? Well that is what I am going to do now if you don't get off my back! I don't want to talk to you Elliot! I can't even look at you without feeling sick to my stomach…"

"Enough!" My dad yells and stands in between us. "You are two grown up men and you are shouting and acting like you are fucking toddlers. So sit down and talk!" My dad is now pacing the kitchen and brushing his hands through his hair.

"I am not going to talk to him dad. You don't get to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I am in my own fucking home! So I suggest that my brother takes his shit and gets the fucking hell out of my home. I will call him the moment I am ready to talk to him!"

My mom, Megan and Melissa are crying while my brother just stares at me white as a ghost.

"Christian…I didn't mean to call you stupid that day…I just didn't understand why you didn't talk…" _Fucking hell!_

"And you don't seem to understand now that it hurts to look at Megan and you being nauseatingly happy while she keeps rubbing her stomach and you place your hand above hers…you don't understand what it is to lose your own flesh and blood. You have no fucking idea how it feels to see your wife crying and hurting because her stomach hurts. You don't know how it feels to see your wife going through hell because she blames herself for what happened…You just don't know Elliot…so stop apologizing…" I can't stand to see my mother crying so I walk towards her and kiss her temple. "I'm sorry mom…"

When I turn around I see Ana standing in between her grandparents. She has something, I think a book, clutched against her chest while she cries. She is crying so hard. _Oh Ana…I'm so sorry._

Still crying she hands the book to her grandfather, straightens her shoulders and walks towards me. Her blue eyes never leaving mine.

"Elliot…Megan…" She starts with a trembling voice. "Christian is right…it is too confronting…too raw…" She wipes the tears away with her hand and clears her throat. "Please believe us when we say that we are happy for you…and we really hope that you will get a healthy baby…and I know that I'm maybe asking you too much, but try to put yourself in our shoes. Our baby…" She lets out a strangled sob and squeezes my hand. She takes a few deep breaths and continues. "While you are preparing for the birth of your baby and maybe even thinking about names and how you are going to decorate the nursery, we are grieving the loss of our baby. Because of something we will never know, our baby didn't get the chance to be born…we will never be able to hold him or her. We will never know if it was a little boy or girl…"

"Please stop…" My brother whispers. He shakes his head and turns around to look at Megan.

"Megan…let's go. Mom…dad…we will meet you at the airport." Walking to the door he stops and whispers something to Taylor who only nods once and disappears to one of the guestrooms.

I don't know if Ana notices that my parents both hold her and comfort her while Taylor is waiting for them to take them to the airport. Next are her grandparents. The looks of concern are clearly written on their faces. "Take care of her son…" Poppa awkwardly hugs me and all four of them disappear through the door. Melissa is looking from Ana to the door. Her little face is swollen from all the crying. Hugging both Ana and me she follows Ana's grandparents to the waiting car.

When it is only us in the room I gather Ana in my arms and take her to our bedroom where I lay her down on our bed. While the sobs are raking through her body I can feel her heart beating furiously against her chest until she finally falls asleep exhausted.

* * *

 **Hi Everyone! Well it was brought to my attention that it was exactly one year ago that I started posting Extraordinary. So, even though I wanted to upload this chapter tomorrow I started editing and here it is. Hope you liked it.**

 **Thank you all so much for your continuing support…the follows, favorites, the reviews and your PM's.**

 **I think it is now a good time to answer some of your questions:**

 **The psychic: Ana and Christian won't see that woman anymore. There is a conversation due between Taylor and Christian though. I initially planned it to put it in this chapter, but decided against it… it would become too long and I wanted to focus on other things instead. So the talk between Christian and Taylor will be in the next chapter.**

 **Elliot and Christian: everything will turn out just fine. Just give them a little time.** **Christian needs to get used to the idea of his brother becoming a father. He is dealing with his own pain right now.**

 **Sam: I know! Sam will be back in the story very, very soon! I promise you it will be fun.**

 **Those who have read "Grey" probably have noticed that I used a scene and incorporated it in this chapter. Somehow it left a huge impression on me and decided to use it for Christian and Elliot's blow out.**

 **Oh! And in the next chapter Christian and Ana will meet a new friend! No drama with this little friend though!**

 **Again, thank you all and till the next time!**

 **Alner X**


	13. Chapter 13 - Simba

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 13 – "Simba"**

 **CPOV**

The last three days have been absolute bliss. While Sawyer and Taylor remained in the villa to install a security system, I took Ana away on the rented yacht. We explored the Dodecanese Islands, Rhodes, Patmos and Kastellorizo. The last one was definitely our favorite.

Ana was mesmerized by the Blue Cave, which is considered one of the most impressive caves in the Mediterranean. We visited the cave by boat, since the entrance is barely three and a half feet above sea level. The light of the sun, refracted through the sea, is reflected in the interior of the Grotto, thereby producing a dazzling blue color. Experiencing something so amazing with my wife was marvelous. I will never forget the expression on her face when we entered the cave.

Rhodes was also very impressive, especially when we visited the Valley of Butterflies a unique nature reserve. Apart from its appealing value, it is also the site of the only natural forest of Sweetgum trees in Europe. The peaceful walk through the shaded, green valley with the small river and beautiful waterfalls was amazing. We were permanently surrounded by butterflies who were camouflaging themselves against tree trunks. When we reached the monastery at the top we rested on one of the wooded benches simply enjoying our surroundings.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and we are now on our way back to the villa. With Ana's hand tightly in mine I'm enjoying this moment. We thought the miscarriage would tear us apart, the opposite is true. It's as if it's the two of us against the rest of the world. There is a lot of misunderstanding and obliviousness about miscarriages. So even though it was the most horrifying experience, I know that it has brought us closer together. And even though we both do not know what the future will bring ... we have each other and there is nothing or no one who can come between us.

"Earth to Christian…" Ana giggles as she playfully yanks at my hand. "We have arrived…" She looks so beautiful. Her lightly tanned skin, her freckles playfully scattered over her face and her hair, pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head, glowing in the sunlight. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

"Did you hear that?" Ana asks when we step out of the car. Sawyer is patiently waiting at the door for us to enter.

"Hear what?"

"It's like the softest meow." She says wishfully.

"Ana…that is probably nothing…" Ana starts walking to where she thinks the sound is coming from, completely ignoring me. _Stubborn. Stubborn woman._

"Oh my god…oh my god…just look at this Christian…aww he is so cute." _He?_

I rush towards my wife who is kneeling near one of the rose bushes, her beach bag completely forgotten where she carelessly tossed it to get to this cute _'he'_. _Don't like the sound of that at all._

Before I have reached her she turns around. In her arms she is holding this little ball of fur. _A cat. What. The. Hell._

"Look at him…" She whispers. "He is the cutest thing I have ever seen…and so soft…" She leans her head against the cat and slowly brushes her cheek against his little head.

"Ana that's a cat…"

"No shit?" She rolls her eyes. However her annoyance disappears as quickly as it came when she focuses back on the little animal in her hands.

"Ana, I think you should put him back…he is probably lost…" _Get rid of that cat._

"I don't think he's lost." My wife says determined. "There was a small bowl of milk next to him…he has been fed."

"Sawyer, has someone been on the premises?"

"No Sir." Shuffling on his feet I see him blushing. _What the fuck?_

"Sawyer, then how is it possible that there was a bowl of milk lying next to that kitten?"

"Because we fed him. In Taylor and myself Sir." Sawyer says clearly embarrassed by his admission.

"Oh…that's so sweet." Ana says but doesn't take her eyes of the cat she is still holding in her arms as if it were a treasure.

"Can we keep him?" And there it is…the question I knew was coming. Her eyes are pleading and searching my face for an answer.

"Ana…I…"

"Please Christian…look at him…he is so small and soft…and he is completely alone. He just needs a home. If we leave him here he will die." She looks back at the cat in her arms and starts talking to him in this weird high pitched voice. "You are huh…you are really the cutest little kitten I have ever seen…would you like to come with us to Seattle? You would huh…" Her eyes dart back to mine. "Please Christian…" And now she has even unleashed _the pout_.

"Fine…" I give in. "But that…that…thing won't be coming into our bedroom Ana…that's where I draw the line." I say as sternly as possible.

She giggles, stands on her toes and kisses my cheek. "I love you." She whispers. Forgetting about her bag she walks into the villa enthusiastically talking to the cat in her arms.

"We need a name…" Ana says when I enter the kitchen.

"We do?"

Exasperated she rolls her eyes _again_ and sighs. "Of course he needs a name Christian, we can't keep calling him cat now can we?"

 _I don't see why not_. But I don't think my wife is going to like that answer. She seems completely smitten.

"And how do you know it's a he?"

"Because I saw his little testicles…" She says blushing profoundly and whispering.

"You also saw his little penis?" _Now this is getting interesting._

Shaking her head and blushing even more she briefly looks at me. "A cat's penis isn't visible…" She whispers again.

"And how the fuck did you get so informed about a cat's anatomy Ana?" Christ, I sound pathetic. I sound jealous. I _am_ actually jealous of the little cat laying in my wife's arms. _Get a fucking grip Grey._

"A name Christian…we need a name…" She says exasperated and completely ignoring my question.

"What about… _little shit head_ …" Ana's eyes meet mine and if looks could kill I would be probably be buried ten feet under already. I quickly hide my grin and carefully pet the cat's head to placate her.

"Not funny Grey…"

"What about Simba?" She says excited. Her smile is lighting up the room.

"Simba?"

"Yes, have you never seen that movie?" She asks disbelievingly. "The Lion King tells the story of Simba a young lion who is to succeed his father, Mufasa, as king. But then his uncle Scar kills his father and he makes Simba believe that it was all his fault…"

 _Nope…no idea…_

"I like Simba…" Ana says again.

"Then Simba it is…" I mean I know that even if I would suggest another name Ana would sweep it off the table. It is obvious…my wife likes the name Simba, so what would I achieve by suggesting another name? _Absolutely_ _nothing._

Then I see Ana restlessly hopping from one foot to the other. "Shit…I need the bathroom. Here hold Simba for me for a minute I will be right back."

"Ana…I don't think that's a good idea…" I say looking at the sleeping cat.

"He won't bite Christian…please hold him for a little while…I don't want to put him on the floor."

Simba is cautiously placed in my hands. And for a brief moment I feel my heart skipping a beat. Ana is right ... he's cute and soft. In addition, he has a special gray-bluish color.

Glancing towards the door Ana just disappeared to. I look at the sleeping cat in my arms.

"We need to talk…" I start to speak to the still sleeping cat. This is like any other business deal, I remind myself. He is allowed to live under our roof, but he has to play by the rules. "Look Simba, I want you to listen and listen carefully, because I don't like to repeat myself. You know what they say…time is money. Anyway, I am a man of control and rules…rules are utmost important in my world. So here is the first and most important rule…never and I mean never you are allowed to enter our bedroom without being granted permission. The bedroom is off-limits…got that?" I wait for some response…maybe just the tiniest meow, but no such luck. "Second…no peeing or pooping in the house…that is absolutely prohibited. We humans use the toilet for those purposes, you however will use the litter box. Third…that beautiful lady with the long legs, big blue eyes that just rescued you is mine…like completely mine. I know she is soft and smells incredibly good, but she is mine…I was here first… So no funny stuff…or we will get in serious trouble. And by trouble I mean that you are getting shipped off in a wooden crate, before you can even say " _meow"_ all the way to China where cats seem to be a delicacy…and trust me I won't hesitate." I turn Simba in my hands so that I am able to look at that tiny scrunched up head. "And don't even think that you are going to grow up to be a tiger, because you aren't, I am sorry to be the one to break that to you, but that's reality little fellow…And another thing before I forget, our main goal is to make that beautiful lady happy…we don't piss her off…ever. So, if you remember the rules, I think we are going to be able to work things out and maybe even become friends…" And then Simba opens his eyes and gives my finger a scratchy lick with his teeny tongue. _Yeah, I think we just made a deal._

"Who are you talking to?" Ana says entering the kitchen.

"No one…" I reply all too quickly.

"Right…" She looks from Simba to me and suppresses a smile. "So I have been thinking. We need to get him some food and cat toys, we really need cat toys Christian." She says seriously. "Cats are naturally inquisitive, and a basket of cat toys will give them something to keep them occupied. We also need cat treats. They seem to be highly useful in different situations." I must be looking incredibly strange at her because she sighs. "Christian, cat treats can be used to distract the cat at the vet or while getting them ready for a nail trim _." A nail trim? What the fuck?_ I look at his little paws. Cats don't need a fucking nail trim. They have trees to do that. Ana is scrolling through her phone, while I am getting seriously confused. I mean it is the tiniest little cat. What the hell? I silently vow to myself that Simba is never going to have his nails trimmed. Where the fuck do they do that anyway? In a cat-trim-salon?

"Oh yeah, like I mentioned the food is extremely important, especially in the first six months. We also need a little bed for him…you know so that he is comfortable and then we need to choose a litter box. We can choose a covered or open litter box." _Closed! Definitely closed_.

"Manual or automatic litterbox" _What?_

"And scented or unscented." _Absolutely fucking sure that Simba is getting a scented litterbox._

"Uhm baby…can I ask you something?" I ask carefully.

"Sure" She gives me a smile and gets two bottles of water out of the refrigerator.

"Ana, what the fuck is an automatic litterbox?"

Before Ana can answer me, our attention is drawn by Taylor who standing in the doorway.

"Sir, Ana…sorry for the interruption…" Not finishing his sentence he just turns his head to look at me. By the position of his shoulders and the rigid set of his jaw I can see that he wants to discuss something important with me. Unfortunately, I know from experience that every time Taylor initiates a conversation is because he wants to inform me of something that I won't like.

"A word Sir?"  
With a sigh I hand Simba back to Ana. She is looking nervously from me to Taylor.

"Is there something wrong Taylor?"

"No…Ana…there is nothing wrong." He gives her a small smile and focuses his eyes on Simba.

"Taylor this is Simba." Ana says smiling. ""Simba this is Taylor."

"Simba" Taylor nods his head in Simba's direction. _This makes me almost roll my eyes._

Ana hides her smile behind Simba's head while her eyes shoot in my direction.

"We will be leaving in about one hour baby…"

"Okay…" She says happily and kisses my cheek.

* * *

"As you requested, Sawyer and I interviewed several people for the position of housekeeper and gardener. We eventually had to use the assistance of the covert security guards since the islanders speak little to no English."  
I nod as he takes a little break. Probably to organize his thoughts.

"After numerous interviews, we eventually found a couple willing to maintain the house during your absence. They would however like to continue living in their own home."

"Background checks?" I ask.

"Welch is working on them Sir. But from what they told us and from the way the come across they seem to be honorable, hardworking people. They are both unemployed at the moment though."

"If the background check comes back without any red flags, then proceed and hire them Taylor. Ana and I will talk to them when we fly back here the next time."

"Very well Sir."

"Anything else Taylor?"

"Actually there is Sir…" Taylor seems even more tense then normal. What the fuck is going on?

"Say it Taylor."

"Sir, I know you don't approve, but I really want to ask permission to continue our investigation concerning that psychic woman."  
"I thought I made myself perfectly clear Taylor." I bellow. Fuck. Why can't he leave this alone?

"You did Sir, but considering what happened…" He clears his throat and looks at me cautiously.

"Don't talk in fucking riddles Taylor. Just say what you have to say."

"Sir, remember I told you that the daughter's lady said that Ana had to see a doctor and that she referred to Ana's stomach. I just thought that considering the miscarriage…"

I feel like all air has been knocked out of my body. _What the fuck?_ Slumping down on one of the chairs I bury my face in my hands and pulls at my hair. What the fuck is going on. I never believed in psychics, clairvoyants or whatever the fuck they are called. I never believed that woman. I just thought she was talking nonsense. But what if Taylor is right? Or worse what if that woman really 'saw' something?

"What convinced you Taylor, because you do not seem like the type of person who believes in…" I wave my hand in the air. I can't even find the words anymore.

"The covered security." He answers immediately. "They were terrified…and they were pretty down to earth Sir."

"What do you have so far?" I ask but I can't even handle to look at Taylor. I am ashamed of myself. Did I put Ana in danger?

"We have done an extensive research in Seattle. When we couldn't find anything, we expanded our radius with 100 miles."

Snapping my head up I only see determination in Taylor's eyes.

"You never stopped searching did you? Not even when I told you to."

Squaring his shoulders he shakes his head. "No, we didn't Sir."

I just nod my head and something that I haven't felt in a long time is slowly making its way into my body…gradually clawing at my insides. It's unsettling.

Clearing his throat Taylor continues. "We researched every place Ana might be visiting. Even Aspen and New York…unfortunately we haven't found anything." Fuck, they have been thorough.

"Continue your research." I glance up at him and see the tension disappearing from his eyes. Even his shoulders seem to have lost a little rigidness.

"Very well Sir." He nods and he turn around to walk back into the house.

"Taylor wait!"

"Sir."

"We need some stuff for Simba." I motion with my head towards the house and when my eyes meet his I see the fucker holding back a smile.

"What is it that you need Sir?"

"Ana mentioned something about food, a litter box…" I drag my hands through my hair. "It has to be a scented one though." I mutter. "He also needs toys and a little bed…oh and a secure carrier…padded preferably…"

"Food, litter box…scented, toys, a little bed and a padded carrier. I will get right on it Sir."

"Thank you Taylor…for everything."

As I walk back into the house to go in search for Ana I look at my watch and see that it is almost one hour later. The conversation with Taylor and answering a few emails have held me up longer than I thought. We are supposed to go out for dinner in one of Ana's favorite Tavernas here on the island. I hope she already started showering though.

"Ana! Ana! Where are you?" _Pathetic Grey. You are yelling from the hallway and you know that your wife is in the bedroom._

"I'm here…" She sing songs. Clearly not even surprised of the urgency of my voice.

"Ana?"

"I'm here Christian." This time her voice sounds a tad annoyed. And there she is. Holy mother of fuck. Ana comes walking out of the walk-in closet in her underwear. Actually underwear is not the right word, but words fail…they are stuck in my dick.

"Where's the fire?" She asks casually.

"No…no fire…I…I was just looking for you…" I stammer. My eyes are glued on my wife, who is wearing the sexiest black lingerie…well ever.

I do hear Ana talking to me, but I can't make sense of anything she is saying. The words are a jumbled mess when they reach my ears. My eyes have been stuck on her backside for a while now. Because my wife isn't wearing ordinary panties. The front is what you would expect, but the backside is made from small threads that crisscross on her perfect pert ass. My eyes wander to her breasts and then slowly to her mouth. Her beautiful, perfectly sculpted mouth with her full desirable lips. Her lower lip is caught between her teeth.

What happens next is a complete blur. I don't know who takes the first step, but I know that in a matter of seconds Ana's back is pushed against our bedroom wall. We are both breathing heavy. "Take of your clothes…" She breathes against my lips.

"Ana…we can't…" I breathe as I feel Ana's hands pulling at my shorts. "Baby…we shouldn't…" I try again.

"Yes…yes we can…" Ana is now pushing me towards our bed and unfastening her bra at the same time.

"Ana…" But Ana doesn't hear me or doesn't want to hear me. While she is already completely naked, I feel her forcibly pulling my boxer shorts down. My cock springs free and he is extremely pleased with the closeness of my wife's naked closeness. When she leans down to pull the boxer shorts from my legs her hair brushes against my dick. _Oh fuck, if she touches my dick one more time I'm going to come._

"Ana…we can't do this…" I say in between kisses. "I don't have condoms…" And it's like I just dropped a bucket of ice cold water over my wife. She stills and just stares at me.

"Wha…what?"

"I'm sorry I don't have any condoms…" I see the cogwheels in her head turning. She is thinking about a way to solve our problem.

"Then you pull out before you come…" She throws herself at me again. _Christ! She is on a mission._ I can feel the heat emanating off her when she straddles me. She is slowly moving her hips for friction while her hands have my head captured. The kissing is raw and passionate. And no matter how much I want to burry myself inside her, we can't. I can still hear Green's words when she told us that if we decided to have intercourse to be sure to use protection until Ana has her period again. Otherwise the risk for another miscarriage is too high and we can't risk that. But instead of cutting her off I decide to make her feel good. She needs this. We both need this.

I flip her on her back and hover over her. "We can't do what you suggested baby…you know that…and you know that when it comes to you I have no control what so ever. But I am going to make you feel good okay?" I start kissing her lips and then move down to her breasts. Her nipples are already hard and elongated. Taking one nipple in my mouth I start sucking and nibbling. My other hand is massaging her other breast. Underneath me Ana moans softly, her fingers have a deadly grip on my hair. Her lower body is tense, her back arched.

I stop massaging her breast and make my way down her folds, carefully touching her, feeling her. _God, I missed her. I missed her so much._

"Stop Christian…" She says suddenly and pushes me away. Her voice doesn't sound alarmed though. Holding my hands in hers she giggles. "Oh my gosh, I totally forgot" She says looking at me smiling.

"Ana, what in the world is so fucking important that you have to share with me now…"

"Oh, no you are going to like this…" She says nodding her head enthusiastically. "We do have condoms…in…in my bag…" She points with her hand to the chair.

 _Thank fuck!_ "I knew there was a reason why I let you keep those awfully big hand bags baby…" Leaping from our bed I run towards the chair and rummage through her bag. _Holy shit._ I see lipstick, a pen, a little notebook, pepper spray, a book, receipts, and little notes with scribbles…but no fucking condoms.

"Oh, geez what's taking you so long Christian." Ana is already standing beside me and within three seconds she triumphantly shows me the package of condoms. _How the hell did she do that so fast?_

"A package Ana?" I ask astonished.

"I'm married to Mr. Sex on legs…" She shrugs and then lazily drags her finger from my chest to my still painfully erect member. "Do you want to stand here and discuss why and how the package got into my bag or do you want to continue where we left off?"

I swallow and close my eyes when I feel Ana's fingernail softly brushing against my dick.

The next thing I know we are both back on our bed. "I hope I will last Ana." I say looking into her shinny eyes. Different feelings are shooting through my body when I position myself at her entrance. I don't know if those are feelings of nervousness, arousal or anxiety. It has been such a long time that we made love…and I want to make this special for both of us. There is no rush, this is Ana and Christian reconnecting…healing a new beginning.

"Are you sure Ana?" She just nods her head while her arms are draped around my neck. Our foreheads touching.

"Do you want something to drink?" I hear myself say. _What the fuck Grey!_

Her brows furrow and that adorable V appears on her forehead. "No…" she giggles nervously. "I don't want a drink…I just want you…"

"Just tell me if it hurts okay? I don't want to hurt you…"

She responds by pushing her feet against my naked but. And then I slowly slide into her. _The feeling is: Phenomenal, exceptional…out of this fucking world._

"Is this okay?" I ask when I feel her holding her breath.

"Yeah…just give me a moment." She whispers now. Her face is buried in my neck, her arms tightly holding on to me.

Slowly I start moving with gentle strokes. But I know that I am not going to keep this up for long, I am already very close. Her breathing, her warmth, the soft sounds she makes every time I thrust into her are too much, almost overwhelming. And then she starts meeting my thrusts.

"Christian…" She moans… "Oh Christian…"

"I know…fuck Ana I know…"

I try not to hurry and keep my movements even and controlled…I want to enjoy this…I don't want this to end.

Ana's legs are tensing and so is her stomach. When I feel her inner walls contracting I know it is okay to let go myself. The feeling starting in my fucking toes, travels up my legs, thighs and I am overtaken by the most intense orgasm ever.

However when I lock eyes with Ana is see the tears gliding down her cheeks. "Ana…what…what is wrong?" I say pulling out of her in an instant. _Oh fuck. I hurt her._

"Nothing…nothing is wrong…" She sniffs and pulls me against her. Getting rid of the annoying condom I take her in my arms and pull at the sheets to cover us.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I think these are happy tears…" She gives me a small smile and puts her head on my chest. "Just happy tears." I hear her whisper before we both drift off to sleep.

 **APOV**

When I open my eyes, it takes me a while before I realize where I am. Greece…I am in Greece. My mind flashes back to our love making. It was perfect. A sigh escapes me when I think about the fact that we are flying back to Seattle tomorrow. _I don't want to go back to Seattle._ Pushing the thoughts of returning home to the deepest corners of my brain, I turn my head to look at my sleeping husband. _He is so handsome. He is perfect._ Everything is perfect about him. His tousled copper-colored hair, his long dark eye lashes, his strong, defined jaw and then his lips. His lips are so soft and full. They are made for kissing. Christian is just the perfect kisser.

My eyes glide over his stubble-covered chin to his neck and shoulders. His chest which is perfect with the slight dust of chest hair covering it. My eyes travel from his chest to his taut stomach and then further towards his belly button where the dark hairs grow darker and lead to…

"Stop biting your lip baby…" My eyes shoot to Christian's face who is smiling lazily. His eyes are hooded and I watch his Adams apple bobble up and down while his eyes are fixated on my lips.

"That does things to me Anastasia…" He says and releases my lip from my teeth by gently tugging at my chin.

 _Anastasia. I love how my name rolls of his tongue._

His hand that was resting on his thigh, slowly moves upwards and he takes his penis in his hand and slowly starts touching himself. _Why is it so hot to see him touching himself?_

His eyes, now a darker shade of gray are still focused on my lips. Licking his lips a groan leaves his throat. "Touch yourself Ana…"

I blink several times and think about his request. "Do it…baby…I want to see you touch yourself…"

Suddenly he sits up and pulls the sheet from my body and gently pushes me against the matrass. Before sitting back up he leaves the sweetest kiss on my lips. "I love you Ana…"

Grabbing my thighs he bents my legs until my feet are flat against the matrass. Then he continues and spreads my knees, leaving me totally exposed to him.

"So beautiful…" He whispers and kisses the inside of my thigh.

I close my eyes when I feel his long finger slowly sliding along my folds. Teasing, tantalizing me.

"Now, you touch yourself Ana…"

When I open my eyes Christian is kneeling between my knees, leisurely and totally relaxed stroking his engorged member.

"You do it…" I manage to get out. I spread my legs wider inviting him.

"Oh, my pleasure baby…" Still stroking himself he leans down and blows against my sex. Then he spreads me and sticks his tongue inside me. "God, you taste divine Ana…" He continues his assault licking and nibbling when I feel his finger stretching me. "I feel your walls gripping my finger Ana…" He growls. He then slips another finger in me and starts rubbing against my g-spot. _This is so intense…so good._ And even though my body is reacting to every sensation, every brush of his fingers. _I still want more…much more._

"Chris…Christian…"

"What baby?" Still massaging my insides Christian leans forward and starts kissing me passionately. He is kissing me, nibbling my bottom lip. Shit the sensations are so overwhelming, that I can't breathe or think. I can only feel.

"Fuck Ana…I need to feel you." Pulling his fingers out of me I open my eyes and watch Christian grabbing a condom from the night stand. He opens the condom foil with his teeth and slides it down his erection.

Pulling me up from the bed like a rag doll, his hands glide along my body as he positions me over his dick and as I lower myself on him we both moan at the sensation. Christian's hands are firmly holding my hips while his mouth is sucking and nipping my nipple.

"Move Ana…" He rasps. "Fuck I need you so bad baby…"

We both start moving. Our mouths and hands are everywhere. Touching and feeling. With each trust I feel his groin touching my swollen clit. To steady myself for the upcoming orgasm I tightly grasp Christian's arms.

"Ana…come…you…need to…come." He says with ragged breath.

A scream that I don't even recognize as my own escapes my throat as the orgasm floods through my body.  
At the same time I hear Christian incoherently shouting my name as I feel him trembling and shuddering under me.

"Nothing better than feeling you cum around me Ana…" Christian says panting. "Fuck, you are going to be the death of me…"

"That was good Christian…" I murmur against his neck.

"Good…oh no baby…that was earth-shattering…"

"Do you still want to go out?" I ask while I am still laying in his arms.

"Do you?"

"It is our last evening here before we head back to Seattle…and it's not that late."

"Then let's shower baby…"

* * *

The next morning I wake up with a deliciously sore body. I reach out, but feel to my surprise that Christian is no longer lying next to me. The sheets are cold. I decide to enjoy the warm bed for a while longer. Maybe Christian is working.

Yesterday was absolutely amazing. Christian was sweet, loving and caring all in once.

Last night when we strolled around Kos town was also fantastic. The people, the food, and the atmosphere everything was perfect. It was for the first time in weeks that I felt spontaneous and relaxed. I actually felt free...

These past weeks I felt like I was stuck and couldn't move forward. It was like the irritating feeling of difference between how I wanted to be and how I was. I somehow tried to change my mind, but it didn't work.

I think that talking with my grandparents did me a lot of good. Especially when they told me that they hit the bottom, went to the lowest place and found there was still something solid beneath their feet and eventually they climbed out again.

It could almost be compared to climbing a mountain. Positive thinking plays a vital role in the challenges of climbing. But there are also the drawbacks, difficulties…

Ethan who ones climbed mount Rainer told me that while you are standing beneath the mountain you feel a sense of smallness. And that when you are fixated on reaching the top, a narrowing of focus occurs and the flanks of the mountain go unobserved. However, along the way, the truth is revealed: Every mountain's summit is simply the end of a long climb up its side.

In Christian and my case reaching that so called "summit" is accompanied by setbacks. It is like taking little steps, but those steps contain entire staircases within. _We will get there._

" _Sit"_ Is that Christian?

" _Simba sit"_ Yes, definitely Christian. I giggle at the sternness in his voice. Does he really think that Simba going to listen to him? _This I have to see._

I quickly use the bathroom and put on my robe and tip-toe out of the bedroom. Christian is standing in the kitchen. His strong arms crossed in front of his bare chest and staring down at Simba who I looking up at him with those big eyes that are almost too big for that little head. Christian looks like a freaking giant.

"Simba… eat." Christian tells him now and points with his long index finger towards the milk bowl.

I watch Simba cocking his head to the side…silently observing Christian. _God, this is too funny._

"Look man… we had the talk yesterday…" _Oh yeah the talk. I heard everything_. Christian sounds completely exasperated at his point. "Rules are important and one of those important rules is that you have to eat…nutrition is incredibly important…I mean you don't want to stay that small now do you? And then you already peed and you took a shit…which, by the way I had to clean up." Christian crouches down in front of Simba and gestures with his fingers. "You are this far away from being send to China…remember China? And I don't really want to send you there because my sexy girl will definitely get mad…and you don't want to see her mad…" Christian shakes his head. "When the sexy lady gets mad…fuck she turns into…" And suddenly his head snaps up as if he is feeling my presence in the room. His eyes are wide and he slowly stands back up to his full height.

"Please…don't let me interrupt your conversation…do continue." I cross both arms in front of my chest and cock my head to the side.

"Good morning baby…" Christian says giving me his amazing smile that gets my insides churning. "Sleep well?"

"I slept wonderfully…thank you. But I interrupted you. What do I turn into Christian?"

"Oh yeah…yeah I was telling Simba that he really needs to eat…"

"Yeah I heard that." I say cutting him off. _God, it is fun to see my husband squirm like this._

When he just stares at me. I decide to help him out. "You were telling Simba that he really doesn't want to see me mad, because when, and I quote "the sexy lady gets mad…"

"She turns into an incredibly hot woman. With blazing blue eyes, a sexy blush on her body and she also crinkles her nose, what makes her amazingly cute…" He says quickly giving me his dazzling smile.

When I just stare at him he quickly walks up to me and cups my face in his hands. "Good morning beautiful girl…I love you…" He brushes his lips against mine suppressing a smile.

"You are bad Grey…"

"Yeah, and don't forget stubborn, bossy and domineering and most importantly, I am Mr. Sex on legs…" He chuckles clearly amused by his own little joke.

"So what's for breakfast?" Embraced we walk towards the refrigerator. Simba is now spread out in the middle of the room…sleeping again.

"You clearly exhausted him with your talk…" I say pulling the ingredients out of the refrigerator to start breakfast.

"Yeah, well that little shi….I mean Simba woke me with endless meows." His brow is furrowed. "When I had finally figured out that it was him on the other side of the door I ordered him to use the litter box…but he just stared at me, sat his little ass down on the floor and took a shit…"

Christian is leaning against the counter. He eyes me cautiously when he takes a sip of his coffee. God, even something as ordinary as drinking coffee makes him look hot.

"He just needs to get potty-trained." I say hiding my smile. "Oh, and another thing…I don't want you ever to tell Simba again that you are going to send him to China…" I whisper the last word and glance towards Simba.

"Ana, he knows the rules." He starts. I take my eyes from his bare chest. _God that's so distracting._

"Christian, Simba is just a little kitten. He doesn't understand your rules." Hell, I sometimes don't even understand them.

He shrugs and then he blushes lightly. "I just don't want him to be hungry." He states placing his coffee back on the counter and shoving his hands in his jeans pockets.

His confession makes my heart melt. Because even though he acts stern and bossy he is already completely smitten by Simba. He truly is a big softy.

"What?" He says now clearly annoyed by my lack of response.

"Nothing…" I take his handsome face in my hand and look into those magnificent gray pools. "I just can't help but falling in love with you more every day…" He has absolutely no idea how much I really love him.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi all! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I believe it is about time that Ana and Christian start moving forward. I know that the past chapters have been hard to read. There was so much hurt and grief. However I think it was necessary. It is almost impossible to turn your back to such a traumatic experience as what they have been through. And you probably will** **understand that they** **are not there yet** **.** **Their pain** **is still very** **raw, the memory about the miscarriage still very fresh.**

 **And as for your questions if Melissa is somehow related to Ana…the answer is no. Ana and Melissa aren't related in any way or form.**

 **Don't forget to check out the Pinterest board!**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **Alner X**


	14. Chapter 14 - Sam

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 14 – Sam**

 **CPOV**

"Thank you Andrea." I dive out of my chair and quickly grab my phone before darting out of my office. _Sam is here_. It has been what…four, five weeks since we last saw him? Shit, I missed that little guy. And I know Ana has missed him too.

Ana however doesn't know that Sam is meeting us here. She is under the impression that Sam is coming tomorrow to Escala to spend the day with us. But I really wanted to surprise her. I even was able to convince Dani to let Sam spend the night with us.

As I am impatiently waiting for the elevator to arrive I hear the unmistakable clicking of heels on the marble floor. I don't even have to look around to know who it is. Katherine fucking Kavanagh. She is not only determined and irritating in her behavior, oh and let's not forget inquisitive and fucking nosey but somehow even the way she walks annoys the living shit out of me. _Hurry up you fucking elevator._

"Hi Christian" Yeah, fuck now I am obligated to turn around and look at her.

With my hands stuck in my pockets I swiftly turn around to be met by a breathless Kate.

As I scan her face I notice that it's swollen and slightly pimpled and when my eyes reach her mouth I see small beads of sweat on her upper lip. My eyes widen in horror when I take her all in. And holy fuck she got fat. Like humongous. Is she pregnant with a baby or an elephant?

"Katherine" I reply briskly with a single nod of my head. Turning around facing the elevator I hear he softly shuffling on her feet and an exasperated sigh.

"It's Kate." _It's Kate._ Christ, how she aggravates me, annoys me. From the first moment I laid my eyes on her when she entered my office to interview me, she pissed me off. Her arrogance, self-confidence…and then the question that put the nail in her coffin. " _Are you gay Mr. Grey?"_

Fiddling with the handkerchief I have in my pocket I curse Grace for …. Us how to behave as a gentleman. And it's like my hand has a mind of his own when I see myself offering her my handkerchief.

"Uhm…thank you." She says as she takes the handkerchief from me and starts dabbing her face with it. The ping of the elevator soothes me a little. However I take a step back and let her enter first.

"Where to?" I ask curtly.

"Ground floor." Well fucking hell, now I am stuck with her in the fucking elevator too.

"I'm sorry…" She says after the elevator doors have closed and we start on our descend.

"For what?" I growl. _Shut the fuck up woman._

Her surprised green eyes meet mine. "For your loss…it has to be devastating. Something…"

"Yeah, and then to consider that you were thinking about terminating your pregnancy Kate. I don't know how much your words really mean." I reply cutting her off.

Tears immediately start pooling in her eyes. "You really don't like me do you?" She whispers.

 _Is she really asking me that?_

"If it's about the interview…" Her nervous behavior doesn't fit her. Watching her nervously shuffling on her three inch heels, fiddling with my handkerchief. It's just not her. And it only fuels my anger and dislike towards her.

"Katherine, let's not play games. We never liked each other from the first moment we met. The only reason why you are here and the only reason for me to tolerate you, is that my wife has the biggest heart. Even when you treated her like shit, she forgave you. Hell she even offered you a job when you had no place else to turn to." I take a deep breath and watch the numbers of the elevator. _Still two floors to go_. "And to answer your question; no, I don't like you."

"Uncle Cwristian, you finally came!" Relieved in being able to leave the fucking elevator and happy to see my little dude running towards me with his arms flapping on his sides makes me completely forget about _Katherine fucking Kavanagh._

* * *

"Uncle Cwristian…why are we whispering?" Big brown serious eyes look at me questioningly.

"Because it's a surprise for Auntie Ana remember?" I whisper back and see Sam's brow furrow.

"But we are in your office now." He says holding both hands in the air. "Auntie Ana is in her own office Uncle Cwrsitian…" He says a tad irritated. "She can't hear us now…" He is right of course. I thought that he might like this little game. I was wrong obviously.

"You're right Sam…that was stupid from Uncle Christian. Tell you what…let me finish this e-mail and then we are going to get Auntie Ana. Then you can decide what to do for the rest of the day…"

"What are you doing?"

"Writing an e-mail?"

"Oh…what are you writing?" He inquires curiously. His little head is leaning against my shoulder as her tries to see what I'm writing.

"That he has to do his job…or else…"

"Or else…you yell?" _And fire his sorry ass…_

"Yes, if this man doesn't do what I want…I might yell…"

"I'm staying at your apartment right Uncle Cwristian?" He says now turning his head to look at me.

"Hmm hmmm." I hum and concentrate on the e-mail I was writing.

"That's because we wanted to surprise Auntie Ana…right Uncle Cwristian?" He is now touching my phone making it light up.

"Hmm hmmm."

"Uncle Cwristian…" He pipes up again. Just give me a fucking minute here, so I can tell this guy to get his priorities straight or he might as well go in search for another job.

"Uncle Cwristian!" He says raising his voice. My head snaps to look at him and find him with both hands clutched at his little jean's covered hips.

"You are being very rude…" He shakes his head as if he is talking to a three year old. "Mommy says it's very impolite not to look at people when they are talking to you!" He slams his little hand on my oak desk making me jump up a little on his sudden outburst. _Well, someone grew an attitude these last couple of weeks. But again, he is right._

Frustrated I quickly hit send and close my laptop. "You are right Sam… that was very rude…now let's go and find Auntie Ana, I bet she is going to be very surprised…"

"Auntie Ana doesn't like surprises." He replies smugly. "One time I gave her a surprise and she started yelling and calling for Uncle Ethan when she opened the box…" His eyes are now shining and he has this wicked grin on his little face.

I can't help but laugh along with him. "What was the surprise you gave her?"

"A spider, and I called him Mr. Spider…but she didn't like it…she doesn't like spiders…" _Nor octopuses, blennies or any other creature that crawls or swims._

"What did she do with the spider?"

"Mr. Spider was banished to Uncle Ethan's room." He says sighing dramatically and shaking his head disapprovingly, making his brown curls falling on his forehead. _Fuck, he is a cute little shit._ He waves at Andrea who is sitting at her desk as we are waiting for the elevator and starts blushing profusely. Shuffling from one foot to the other, he looks every now and then over his shoulder at the direction where Andrea is sitting. She smiles and waves at him holding his gaze. He smiles back shyly, blushes a shade darker and waves back. _Someone's got a crush on my assistant._

The elevator finally arrives and we both step in. Sam immediately takes my hand and looks shyly at Andrea who is now waving at him. "Bye Sam…see you soon…" Andrea says smiling at him.

"Bye Andrea." He replies very quietly.

"Andrea is very pretty…" Sam says looking up at me as the elevator doors are closed. _She is?_

"Yes, but Andrea is getting married to Mike…did you know that?" I ask looking down at him. He shrugs his little shoulders and waves his hand in the air. "I don't want to marry Andrea…" He says almost offended. "I am going to marry Auntie Ana…" He says matter of fact. _COME AGAIN?_ _Not going to happen buddy._

"Auntie Ana is already married Sam…to me…remember the wedding at the cottage?"

"Uh huh…but I am going to marry her anyway…" Sam replies stubbornly.

"You can't…"

"Yes I can…" He says determinedly looking at me. And like the fucking possessive asshole I am, I just stare back at him. Until I see his little bottom lip starting to quiver. _Oh Fuck. Not the tears please. What am I supposed to do? Give him my blessing to marry my Ana. Nope._

"Why do you want to marry Auntie Ana?" I crouch in front of him placing my hands on his tiny shoulders.

"Because Auntie Ana is pretty." _True._ "And sweet." _True._ "And she makes the best pancakes." _Again True._ "And she doesn't talk so much, like other girls." _True._

He shrugs his little shoulders and gazes up at me. "Auntie Ana also smells nice and…and when I used to be sad she would let me sleep with her…and…and she also can tell funny stories…" His eyes dart to something behind me and his little face lights up. "Mr. Sawyer!" He runs past me right into Sawyers arms.

"Hey little man! How have you been?" Sawyer high-fives Sam and quickly places him back on the floor.

"Good, I am going to school soon…and mommy bought me an new backpack, but she wanted to buy me a Nemo backpack and then I told her that NO…" He waves his little finger in the air. " …I…I told mommy that Nemo was for babies…so mommy has now bought me a Bob the Builder backpack…do you know who Bob the Builder is?" Sam takes a heap of breath awaiting Sawyer reaction who looks completely dumbfounded. Sawyer shakes his head.

"Bob the Builder is someone who can fix everything…and he has a friend and she is called Wendy…Bob is just like Uncle Lelliot and and… and when I was with Uncle Lelliot the last time he let me wear a safety helmet…" He is looking expectantly up at Sawyer.

"That's cool man…" Sawyer replies smiling.

"Uh huh…and…and…and…when I was with Uncle Lelliot and Auntie Megan he also he took me to the store and we bought a Nemo fish and then he let me feed the fish…Nemo now lives with Melissa." A sad frown passes Sam's face and I see his little hands rubbing his eyes.

"What's up little dude?" I ask walking up to where he is standing and crouching in front of him.

"We couldn't find a Dory fish…" He says silently "And now Nemo has lost his daddy and his mommy and he just needs Dory… Uncle Cwristian..." I can't bear to see him sad. Of course Nemo shouldn't be without Dory.

"Why don't we ask Andrea if she can try to find a Dory fish? Would you like that?" He nods his head that he has buried in the crook of my neck.

I gather him up in my arms and walk with him towards Ana's office in the meanwhile I call Andrea.

"Mr. Grey?"

"Andrea I want you to buy a Dory fish." I say matter of fact.

"A…a…could you please repeat that Mr. Grey?"

I sigh. "A Dory fish Andrea…it's from a Disney movie I think…the movie is called Nemo. I don't know what kind of fish it is…but we need a Dory fish or Nemo will get lonely."

Andrea, the accurate, no nonsense assistant who is known for her cold behavior and who isn't fazed quickly, not even when she started working for me and experienced the worst outbursts, has never been stricken to silence. But I guess that there is always a first time for everything.

"I will see what I can do Sir." She finally manages to say.

"It's for Sam." I add.

"I will get right on it Mr. Grey."

We reach Hannah's desk and immediately she starts fidgeting with some manuscripts she is holding in her hands. "Hannah." I nod and give her a tight smile.

"Mr. Grey."

"Hello" Sam says waving at her.

"Hello there…" Hannah places the manuscripts on her desk and walks to where Sam is standing. "My name is Hannah…what is your name?" She looks like a completely different person while interacting with Sam. Pleasant even, not that nervous, fidgety woman who has the ability to make _me_ nervous.

"I am Sam …Uncle Cwristian and I came to surprise Auntie Ana…" He says happily. _Thank fuck Nemo crisis adverted._ "Oh, I'm sure she will be pleasantly surprised, because she has told me a lot about you…"

She takes the manuscripts from her desk and reaches them to Sam. "Here why don't you take these to Auntie Ana?"

Sam first looks at me for approval. "Sure buddy go ahead…those manuscripts are very important though…"

"I can do it Uncle Cwristian…" He says with certainty. His brow furrowed in concentration he turns around and slowly starts walking towards Ana's office.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I quickly check it. I see that I have a text from Andrea.

 ***"Dory" is a** **Blue Tang or Palette Surgeonfish. Where can I have it delivered?**

\- _My parent's house – Bellevue._ I quickly text back.

 *** Dory will be delivered in a few days. Dory eats meaty foods,** **seaweed and algae.**

"Hey buddy…guess what?" Sam turns around the little scowl still on his face and carefully raises his eyebrows.

"Andrea just ordered Dory! How cool is that?" The scowl disappears instantly and is replaced by his bright smile.

"That is really cool." He nods his head making his brown curl bob up and down. "You are the best Uncle ever." Turning around he turns around again and continues walking towards Ana's office.

 _His remark makes my chest fill with pride and I feel myself smiling and chuckling. He thinks I'm the best Uncle ever. Fuck! Wait until I tell Ethan and Elliot._

 _-Andrea, you made Sam a very happy little boy._

I smile and shake my head as I read her immediate reply. A smiley. A fucking smiley. Sam has turned everyone in a bunch of sappy fools. And I fucking love it.

As I carefully open the door I see Ana sitting at her desk ticking a pencil against her head. As I closely observe her face I see that she is concentrated in reading something.

Despite the fact that we have been back in Seattle for over a week, she still has that wonderful tanned glow on her body. She looks healthy and happy despite the grief that is still lingering just beneath the surface. Slowly we are getting back to our regularity from before the miscarriage. We wake up together, shower together ... cook together. Laugh, dance and make love together. And then sometimes between all the happiness she suddenly bursts into tears. Gut wrenching sobs that tear me inside out. And just like my dad advised me I take her in my arms and show her that I love her and that I will be there for her no matter what.

I don't show it to Ana, but I hear the whispers, the people staring and the pity in their eyes when we enter GEH in the morning or when we leave in the evening. I know she hears and sees it to, but she is holding herself remarkably.

The media is still merciless in their announcements and statements though. Their favorite is that we are about to have a divorce. Ana is handling it extremely brave, even though I can see the sadness and pain in her eyes every time we are confronted with a newspaper article based on bullshit.

I hope that Welch and Taylor are a little closer as to who leaked information to the media about the miscarriage. Because one thing is for sure, if I find out who it is, I will not stand for the consequences.

 **APOV**

I have been staring at this manuscript for a while know and I can't seem to concentrate. Maybe Christian was right and I should work from home more often. Here in the office I'm constantly interrupted by phone calls, meetings and continuously in-coming e-mails. Maybe I should take his advice and only come into the office when I'm expected for a meeting and let Mike handle the day to day business.

A noise makes me look and the first thing I see is my husband dressed in a dark blue suit. He is not wearing a tie today and the top two buttons of his impeccable white shirt are open. My eyes roam over his perfect toned and lean body. Until something else catches my attention and I'm met with Sam's smiling eyes and broad grin.

"Oh my God Sam!" I bolt from my chair and quickly make my way to my favorite little boy. He is carrying some manuscripts and smiling broadly. _He's grown so big._

I give Christian the manuscripts and take him in my arms smothering him with kisses. His little arms immediately wrap around my neck and he hugs me back really tight.

"I missed you." He rasps.

"I missed you too…so much Sam…"

"Auntie Ana can we have ice cwream?" Sam is looking at me with his puppy dog eyes. "Where is mommy Sam? Didn't she come with you?"

"Mommy is working and I can swleep with Auntie Ana and Uncle Chwristian…" He says cheerfully.

"In your own bed…" Christian pipes up.

"You are spending the night with us?" I ask completely ignoring Christian's comment.

"Uh huh…"

"Cool! Now let's go then…" I put Sam back on the floor who runs to Hannah. I turn around to close my laptop and get my bag when I see Christian pouting.

"What is wrong?" I giggle.

He doesn't say anything, he only points with his long index finger at his pouting mouth.

"Oh did I forget to give you a kiss?" I mock.

Christian nods his head and pouts even more.

"Are you jealous Mr. Grey?"

The pout disappears and a growl emanates from his body. He is pinning me against my desk in less than two seconds. Christian has his face buried in my neck. His breathing sending goosebumps all over my body.

"I'm very, very jealous baby…" He whispers and starts giving me little kisses from my jaw leading to my lips. "And when it comes to my wife I turn into a possessive, jealous son of a bitch." Brushing his lips against mine he leans back from the desk.

"That little boy there." He points to the hallway. "Just shared with me that he wants to marry my wife…" A small smile is playing on Christian's lips.

"I'm already married to a very sweet, loving, caring and devastatingly handsome man…I'm not ready yet to swap you for a younger one…well not yet anyway…" I giggle and softly pat his cheek with my hand. I pull him towards me by grabbing the lapels of his expensive jacket and plant a soft kiss on his perfect lips.

He looks so tired. I brush with my thumbs along the dark circles under his eyes and sigh.

"How are you feeling today?" I ask.

"I'm fine baby…as long as I have you with me…I'm fine…" Christian brings his lips to my forehead where he lingers longer than usual.

"I don't know if you read the papers this morning, but it seems that we are filing for divorce, oh and I think that the Nooz even saw you with another woman on your arm." I try to sound casual, but the acceleration of Christian's heart and the tenseness of his body tell me that he isn't buying my supposedly unconcerned remark.

"I'm sorry" Christian says and pulls me against his chest. I'm sorry too, I think to myself, because they somehow just keep reminding us of what we lost and what we been through. They just keep stirring shit. I just wished they would leave us alone and that they would concentrate on what really matters.

"It's okay Christian…now what are our plans for this afternoon?"  
"I thought I would take my wife and that little chatterbox to "Molly Moon" the best ice cream parlor in Seattle and we have been invited for dinner at my parent's house…" Taking a deep breath he buries his face in my hair. "It has been a while since we last saw them…" Christian continues. "And I just…"

"Christian, it's okay…" Raking my fingers through his hair. "I don't mind going over to your parent's house to have dinner. I know that you miss them…and I miss them too."

* * *

Taylor skillfully drives the car from the parking lot at "Molly Moon" and he was right. The ice cream is delicious. It was certainly worth wile despite the detour we had to make.

Sitting back in the SUV again on our way to Bellevue I embrace the silence and lean my head against the smooth leather seats.

Sam is seated between us and Sam is quiet. And quiet means he is thinking.

"Uncle Chwristian, can I ask you something…" Sam looks up at Christian who has been typing on his phone with a scowl on his face. _The one receiving that e-mail or text is definitely not a happy person._

"Sure buddy" He says after a few seconds. "Ask away." Christian puts the phone back in his pocket and folds his hands in his lap. Relaxed, he leans back in the soft leather seat.

"Are you the boss?"

Christian grins arrogantly. "Of course I'm the boss…people at work have to do what I say…all the time." Christian smiles smugly as he looks at Sam.

"Or you yell…" Sam completes his sentence. _Actually he verbally rips them into pieces until there is nothing left but a quivering, sweating mess._

"That's right." Christian replies conceitedly.

"And at home are you the boss at home?" Christian's eyes snap up to mine as he registers what Sam just asked. _And gone is the smug smile._

"At home with Auntie Ana you mean?" Christian asks. But I'm sure that Christian knows perfectly well what Sam means. He is only trying to figure out what to say. He's stalling…he is trying to find a way out of answering Sam.

"Yes…at home with Auntie Ana…" Sam says in an exasperated manner.

My husband's eyes dart to mine and then to Taylor's in the rearview mirror. When I lock eyes with my husband again I raise my eyebrow. _Come on Grey…are you the boss?_

"You see Sam…" Christian starts carefully. "At home it's different."

"Why?"

"Because it is…" _You have to come up with something better than that Grey!_

"But why?"

Christian is now brushing both hands through his hair. _Not so relaxed anymore huh Grey._

"Because…home is where Auntie Ana and I live together…" Christian says wisely choosing his words. His eyes briefly darting to mine.

 **CPOV**

I'm sweating, I'm actually sweating from this conversation with a not even four year old boy.

I mean I am the CEO at GEH, but everyone knows that I'm sure as fuck not the boss at home. Well, not when Ana is at home anyway…But really saying that out loud in front of my wife and security guard is another thing. I mean it's not like they don't already know right? The fact that I handed my balls over to Ana the minute I laid eyes on her, doesn't mean that this has to become public knowledge. _Jesus Christ!_

"So then Auntie Ana is the boss?" Why does this little kid has to be so inquisitive. Why can't he just be happy with 'because it is' or "Because I say so'…nooooo, he just has to get to the bottom of this.

In my head I'm screaming. _YES! YES! AUNTIE ANA IS THE BOSS. I'M PUSSY WIPED._

Sam is watching me closely when he sighs over dramatically and shrugs. "I don't think you are the boss Uncle Cwristian…" My eyes widen and I feel the vein pulsating on my forehead, ready to burst. When my eyes lock on Taylor back whose shoulders are shaking I take a deep breath. I turn my face and look out of the window. And then my wife suppressing a fit of giggles doesn't do anything to my dampening mood.

"Look there is McDonalds!" Sam squeals. "Mommy says that I can celebrate my birthday there…are you going to come to my birthday?" Placing his clammy hand on mine he looks up at me expectantly.

"Of course I am…I wouldn't miss your birthday for anything!" I reply enthusiastically, my bad mood instantly forgotten. _But he is surely not celebrating his birthday at McDonalds? We can do better than that. He deserves better than that._

"Are you going to bring me presents?"

I snort. "Of course I am…have you already made a list?" I ask and see Ana's head snapping up, her eyes warning me.

"Uhm no…" He shakes his head and a little scowl passes on his face. "I never made a list before…" He says.

"You don't?" Well about time to change that.

"Christian…" Ana warns.

"But I can't write." Sam shakes his head sadly and sighs.

"I'll help you…"

"Auntie Ana always buys me a book." He says smiling. _A book? A fucking book?_

"Boring" I mouth to Ana over Sam's head who is telling me everything he got last year on his birthday.

Blushing she squints her eyes at me and shakes her head. "Drop it" She mouths back.

I silently let out a tiny snort. He is definitely not getting a boring book from us for his birthday.

I decide to drop this for now when I feel the car losing speed as we enter my parent's property.

"Look Sam, there is Melissa." Taylor says pointing at my little sister who is waving happily at the approaching SUV.

"Really baby…a book? A fucking book?" I look over at Sam who is running towards Melissa and my parents who have now joined her by the door.

"Yes, Christian…" She says exasperated brushing her hands over her black pants. "A book, I gave Sam a book on his birthday last year."

She looks absolutely amazing in her black pants and black jacket. "Ana you are a fucking millionaire…you surely could afford more than a freaking book?" I huff back at her.

"I wasn't a millionaire last year Christian, and besides that's not the point." Her gaze travels to my parents and she gives them a small wave when she returns her face back to me.

"Do you actually know the advantages of reading? It improves their vocabulary, reading also helps with skills such as visualizing it help kids write better and another advantage is that it teaches kids about social situations."

"Ana…there is nothing wrong with his vocabulary…besides you don't stop talking to him anyway. Then visualizing…he watches cartoons and movies…already. As for the social skills, he is turning four years old…let him be a little kid Ana…" My voice sounds whiney, but fuck a book?

Rubbing her perfect fingers across her forehead she sighs. "Do I want to know what you have in mind for a present?"

"Well I was thinking about a bike...you know a really cool bike….or a battery powered car…preferably an Audi…" Her eyes widen with horror.

"And…an iPad where you can download all the books you want…" I add quickly. There she can't say I didn't compromise.

"Christian…Ana?" My mother calls out.

"This discussion isn't over yet Grey" Ana says while dragging me along to the front door.

I don't know what the best way would be to describe my parent's expressions on their faces. Apprehension, sadness maybe? They are smiling, but I sense something else, like they aren't quite comfortable.

"Look at both of you." My mother starts and the tears are brimming in her eyes. "We missed you…" She whispers the last part when she takes us both in a heartfelt hug.

"We missed you too mom…" I say when she finally releases both of us.

My dad surprises me by hugging us too. He pats my back and looks at me strangely. "Glad you're back."

"Gracie, come on let's get the kids inside…" My dad says impatiently.

"Oh…" I hear Ana gasp while she is standing in the doorway that leads to the living room. Her eyes flicker to my parents and then back to the living room. She nervously starts fidgeting with her bag as if something or someone is holding her back.

Making my way to Ana my eyes follow hers to where Megan is standing in the middle of my parent's living room. She looks as nervous as we are.

"I'm sorry" Megan starts speaking first. "I…I was just leaving…" She whispers taking her bag from one of the chairs.

"No…no please don't leave…" Ana says taking a step forward. "Please don't leave on our account."

"Megan. Where is my brother?"

She clears her throat and her hands clutch her bag tightly. "Elliot is in the library." Her eyes now wandering to look at my parent's. My mom is wringing her hands and my dad has his hands shoved in his pockets.

"What the fuck is Elliot doing there?" I ask in disbelief. The library is the last place my brother would go voluntarily.

"Christian language…" She looks towards Sam and Melissa who are sitting at the couch watching something on Melissa's iPad.

"Is something wrong with Elliot?" Ana asks now taking a step closer to Megan.

Suddenly Megan slumps on the couch, covers her face with her trembling hands and starts crying.

Ana darts over to her immediately taking her in her arms. "What is wrong Megan…is something wrong with Elliot?" Ana asks.

Megan starts talking through her tears and sobs and I can't understand one single thing she is saying. She is taking deep breaths and clutching on to my wife. The only thing I know for sure is that it has to be something bad otherwise Megan wouldn't be so distressed. In the meanwhile Ana is whispering something in her ear. I reach in my pocket for my handkerchief, but then I remember that I gave it to fucking Kavanagh.

"Mom…dad…what's going on?"

"Why don't you go upstairs and talk to your brother Christian." My dad says and looks to the direction of the library.

Before I can answer Sam is tugging at my sleeve impatiently, probably completely oblivious to the strange ambiance filling the air.

"Just a second buddy…" I say taking his hand in mine. However Sam has other plans and doesn't want to wait. His little hands glides into my pocket and before I know it he has pulled my wallet out and is opening it.

"Whoa, whoa…what are you doing?" I say crouching down so that I am sitting on his eye level.

His gaze flickers from my wallet still in his hands to my eyes. "I…I want to do a trick…and I need your wallet…"

"What do you need my wallet for Sam? Besides you have to ask first…"

"Christian, we wanted to do a trick and we only need a one dollar bill…" Melissa says now standing next to Sam. "We will give it back…" She nods.

"Just ask the next time okay bud?" I shuffle Sam's brown curls and gingerly take the wallet from his hands.

"Will a ten dollar bill work?" And just when I pull the bill out of my wallet, a perfectly folded, white piece of paper swirls out and lands on the floor. . And without looking at the contents I know exactly what it is. It's the little paper that Mia gave me that day in Escala. A few days after the whole thing with Elena went down it was when I was acting like a fucking pain in the ass, hiding in my apartment, thinking that my life would never be the same again. I don't have to unfold the little piece of paper to remember what Mia wrote in it with her elegant yet girlish handwriting.

 _"Remember, when you forgive you heal. And when you let go you grow"_

Taking the paper from the floor I briefly hold it in my hand and close my eyes. "I'm going to talk to Elliot." I say making my way up the stairs before I have a chance to change my mind. It's time to talk to my brother. This shit has been going on long enough.

The library door is wide open and as I come closer I hear talking. _Who the fuck is he talking to?_

I find my brother with his head leaning against the aquarium, his nose touching the glass. At first I can't make out what he is saying. It is only when I step closer that I hear him murmuring. "Just keep swimming… Just keep swimming… Just keep swimming…" He stops for a while and thumbs his head against the glass and starts chanting again. "Just keep swimming… Just keep swimming… Just keep swimming…" Christ, Sam has us all brainwashed with Nemo.

"Elliot."

"What the fuck!?" He turns around knocking a vase with fresh flower standing on a nearby table. "You scared the living shit out of me!" He eyes me cautiously. His hair is a mess, his eyes are red and he probably hasn't shaved in a week. He looks like absolute crap.

"What are you doing here anyway?" He says turning around again and looks back at the aquarium.

"The last time I saw you, you threw me and my wife out of your home…" I cringe at his words. He is right of course, I threw him out instead of talking to him. But there was just no other way to make him understand. Frankly it still hurts. It hurts seeing them and knowing that they are pregnant.

"Look Lelliot…" I brush my hands through my hair and stare at the mess on the floor. "I handled things wrong…and please don't think that Ana and I aren't happy about you and Megan being pregnant…"

"I didn't say those things to you on purpose…" He says rudely cutting me off. He doesn't look at me though.

"What do you mean?"

"When we were little man, I didn't mean to say those things to you…I just didn't know any better. I didn't understand…" Releasing a sigh he turns back to look at me, he has a bottle of beer in his hands. It is now that I see that he is slightly drunk.

"Elliot why don't we discuss this some other day okay? Look Megan is downstairs and she is completely devastated. Mom and dad are worried and Sam is dying to see you…"

"Megan is crying?" He says.

I nod. What was he expecting? That she was jumping for joy? "What are you doing in the library Elliot?"

He shrugs and walks over to the window that overlooks the garden. "I called Megan from work to pick me up…I was wasted…she eventually picked me up, but not after she chewed my ass off…then she drove me here. She thought that talking to mom and dad would help." He smiles but it doesn't meet his eyes. "I don't have to tell you that mom immediately started chewing my ass off the moment Megan told her what I had been doing this past week. So I just grabbed a beer and disappeared."

"Why have you been drinking?"

"Because when I thought I finally had my brother back, life itself or whatever the fuck it was, plays a cruel trick on us and my brother throws me out. He is shutting me out again…" There is a tremble in his voice.

"Elliot I'm sorry."

He nods his head and turns around to look at me. "I'm sorry too Christian." He sighs and places the now empty bottle of beer on the table and slumps down on one of the big chairs.

"On the flight back home from Greece I read about miscarriages." He turns his face and stares out of the window. "I understand now what you were trying to tell me…I really do. But you know, my wife is pregnant and I am going to become a father and I am happy about that Christian. I can't wait to meet this little person…and I want you to be happy for me too. I want you to become his favorite Uncle."

"And I will…" I state.

"Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me."

Taking a deep breath I sit on the chair next to my brother. "So the last time you told me about your baby it was the size of a kidney bean."

Elliot's head slowly turns and his misty blue eyes meet mine. "Christian, you don't have to do this…"

"Come on man. Tell me." I encourage him. I try to keep my face impassive and I try not to let him show how much it actually hurts. But I have to do this for my brother. Elliot looks at me for the longest time until a small smile forms on his lips.

"He is now the size of a kumquat. About an inch long. His little organs are now in place and they are starting to function. His tiny little nails are forming on his little fingers and toes and he can bend his limbs." His eyes meet mine again.

"That's amazing" I whisper.

My brother replies by absentmindedly nodding his head. "How is Megan doing? Is she feeling all right?"

"Aside from a mild morning sickness she is perfectly well. But I have some groveling to do." He sighs and brushes his big hands through is blond curls. I just nod my head, not knowing how to respond to that.

"Are we all right?" Elliot asks me. His leg is nervously bumping up and down, a sign that he is nervous.

"You are my brother Elliot."

Relieved eyes stare back at me and I see the old Elliot slowly appearing on the surface. "Have you met Nemo?" He says now pointing to the aquarium.

"Sam told me about him."

"He is a great kid."

"He certainly is." I agree.

"In a few days Nemo will have his friend joining him." I say and watch the little clown fish swimming in my parent's aquarium.

"Dory?" Elliot says raising his eyebrows. "Dory is a strange fucking fish." Elliot shakes his head and starts laughing.

I laugh as the absurdity of this conversation hits me.

We remain talking and sitting like this until my dad carefully enters the library. His eyes darting from Elliot to me.

"I was send to tell you guys that dinner is ready." I can tell that my dad is relieved at the way he is talking.

"I'll see you boys in a minute. And clean that mess up before your mom sees it." He says looking at Elliot and pointing to the vase on the floor. He turns around and walks back to the door.

"Oh and Elliot. Your mom wants to talk to you after dinner." A wicked smile passing his tired face.

"Fuck!" Elliot mutters under his breath.

And I don't know why but suddenly I feel hundred pounds lighter then when I entered this room. It seems like everything is back to normal. Ana and I are back to our old selves, I am back on speaking terms with my big brother and my mom is going to chew his ass off after dinner.

Everything is fucking perfect.


	15. Chapter 15 - Loss of control

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 15 – Loss of control**

 **CPOV**

As soon as we step into the living room in Escala, Sam immediately stops his endless chatter as he spots Simba.

Simba. The laid-back cat who apparently loves Ana. He is constantly following Ana around. Simba has this cocky attitude, his tail proudly in the air when he follows my wife everywhere. I can almost see him grinning at me every time Ana picks him up and cuddles with him.  
As for my relationship with Simba. We are getting there. We have had several serious talks this past weeks and so far so good. He hasn't peed or pooped on the floor, nor does he come near our bedroom. I grin to myself. His legs are simply too short to climb up the stairs.  
"Who is that Uncle Cwristian?" Sam asks looking at me and then back to Simba who is now sitting in front of us, curiously wondering what the hell makes so much noise.

"That's Simba…"

"That is a little pussy cat…" He says again.

"Oh, he is so tiny and so sweet…" Melissa says while she carefully crouches in front of Simba and slowly rubs her fingers under his little neck. Simba likes it. His little eyes closed as he starts purring immediately.

"Can I hold him?"

"Of course you can…" Ana says walking closer to where we are standing. "Just be careful okay?"

I really don't know what it is with girls and those weird high-pitched voices. But Melissa does it too. She takes Simba in her arms, and snuggles her face into his soft, gray fur. And it's like a switch goes off and she turns into this little high-pitched-voice-monster from hell.

"Hello there Simba…ooh look at you…You are so soft and so sweet…" With Sam right behind her she starts walking through the living room, talking non-stop about how cute and soft he is. Simba doesn't seem to mind though.

"Melissa…I want to hold him too…give him to me…" Sam is impatiently tugging at my sister's sleeve.

"Geez, relax Sam…" She says rolling her eyes and huffing exasperated.

"You have to hold him tight but without squeezing him okay…"

"Okay…I can do that…" Sam says now with his little arms outstretched.

And as soon as Melissa places Simba in Sam's hand he slides on the floor and stares at the little cat for the longest time.

"Hi Simba…" He says a few minutes later. "I'm Sam…and I am almost four years old. Do you want to be my friend Simba?"

"Sam…Simba can't talk back…" Melissa says now sitting next to him.

"I know that Melissa, I am not stupid…" Sam says offended.

"I didn't say you where stupid Sam…" _Christ…here we go again._

"Tell me again why did we agree on Melissa spending the night here too?" I whisper in Ana's ear.

Standing on her toes her mouth goes to my ear. Her scent immediately invading my senses and there is nothing more I would love to do right now, then to throw her over the piano and make love to her. "You agreed remember…" Ana whispers seductively in my ear. "And you agreed because she has you wrapped around her little finger, and you don't even know it Mr. Grey…" With a little pinch at my butt she turns around and walks to her bag. Picking up her phone she waves it at me. "I am going to call Nana…I just saw in the car that I had a missed call…will you be all right?" She says now looking at Sam and Melissa.

"Sure I need to make a few phone calls myself." I close our distance in a few strides and brush my lips against her little ear. "Mrs. Grey…tonight when those two little brats are fast asleep I am going to fuck you until you can't even walk anymore…just think about yourself laying naked on the piano…totally exposed and at my mercy…" With a chaste kiss on her cheek I leave my wife standing in the middle of the living room, blushing from head to toe.

* * *

"Christian" My little sister lets herself fall on the couch and immediately pries the remote control from my hand. "That is boring." She says pointing to the television.

"Oh, Sam asked if you wanted to come up to his room. Something about a man to man talk." She rolls her eyes and starts switching channels.

"Where is Ana?"

"She was on the phone talking to Nana." Melissa isn't even looking at me anymore. Instead she is watching some stupid dance show.

"Hey man, you wanted to talk to me?" I sit down on the chair next to his bed and lean back, curious as what is going around in his little head.

"Yes" Sam has Oscar tightly clutched under his arm. His face is serious, pensive. _I don't think I like that look._

"What does pwregnat mean?" OH FUCK! Where is Ana? I need my wife here with me. She knows how to handle this.

"Why do you want to know Sam?" I shift in my chair.

"Uncle Lelliot said that Aunt Megan was pwregnat and I don't know what that is. And Oscar doesn't know either…I asked him." He adds whispering.

"Well Sam, it's called pregnant and it means that there is a baby growing inside Auntie Megan's belly."

His little mouth drops open, his almond colored eyes are almost falling from his sockets and I see him visibly swallow. _I don't think this is the_ _reaction I was hoping for._

"There is a baby in Auntie Megan's belly?" He asks astonished.

"Well…yes."

"Is it a good baby?" He asks me know with a puzzled look.

"Oh yes. A really good baby." I reply but wonder why he is asking me this. Why wouldn't the baby be a good baby? Let's be real. We are all hoping that the baby will take after my sister in law, not that my brother isn't a good person, but we really don't need another Elliot.

"But then why did Auntie Megan eat the baby?" He says shocked. And I can't help it, but I feel the laughter bubbling from my stomach. When I regain my composure I'm met with a very angry looking Sam.

"That is not funny Uncle Cwristian…" He is absolutely and fucking annoyed. He has his little arms crossed over his chest and scowling at me.

Brushing my hands over my face repeatedly I hope to brush the smile from my face, however every time I think of Megan eating a baby…

"Auntie Megan, didn't eat the baby Sam." I reply as seriously as possible. But I know what his next question is going to be and suddenly the reason for smiling has disappeared.

His brow furrows again and he looks pensive, as if he is trying to solve a very complicated puzzle.

"Then how did the baby get in Auntie Megan's belly?" With his nose scrunched and his Nemo pajama's he looks absolutely fucking cute. Inquisitive, but cute nonetheless. "Well…" I start and scratch the back of my neck. "It's complicated Sam…" In my mind I'm willing Ana to hang up that damn phone and to come and see what is taking so fucking long? Why in the world does she need to talk to her grandmother for this fucking long? They will be moving here in a matter of days…she can talk then!

How in God's name am I going to tell this little boy how that baby got into Megan's belly? I mean I can't tell him about penises and vagina's right? No, that wouldn't be right. He is too small. But then what do I tell him?

"You don't know?" Sam asks and he tilts his head to the left. I stare at his brown eyes, hoping for something. I can't tell him about the sperm and the egg colliding, and I definitely can't tell him about the sneezing part. Christ, this is confusing.

I clear my throat and brush my now sweaty hands against my pants. "Well, that baby got into Auntie Megan's stomach because she cuddled with Uncle Elliot." There that's it. That should placate him right? But his face goes from confused to horrified. Horrified is not good. _Not. Fucking. good._ Think Grey!

"A cuddle?" He squeaks and holds on tighter to Oscar. Pinching the bridge of my nose I think of something to explain this little boy about how babies are made without being to detailed.

"Oh yes, but those are very special cuddles though." I add quickly and hope to not dig myself further, in this gigantic hole I have already buried myself in.

"Special?"

"Sure because those baby-making-cuddles only work when a man and a woman are married."

"Oooooh" Sam says and I see his little face relaxing a little bit.

"They only need to cuddle?" His voice is now a bit hoarse. His little nose crunched up in a funny way.

"And kiss…" I blurt out. "They share a very special cuddle and a very, very special kiss…"

Sam is fidgeting with Oscar and biting his lip. He is thinking and I don't think I like it. "Did that answer your question Sam?" _Please say yes! Please say yes!_

"Uh huh…" He says and crawls deeper into his bed.

"Good, now sleep well buddy." I tuck him in and kiss his forehead. When I turn around I see my wife standing at the door, leaning against the doorframe. She is smiling sweetly. _She could have helped me._

When I close the door behind me she pulls me towards her and wraps her arms around my neck. Scooping her up, her legs automatically wrap around my hips while she hugs me tightly.

"That was really, really sweet Christian…" She says and kisses my cheek. I stare at my wife's beautiful smiling face and feel her body pressed against mine, my hands holding her perfect butt. Her breasts brushing against my chest. In my mind I am picturing my grandmother removing her teeth, but it's to no avail. My dick went from totally relaxed to totally hard in less than ten seconds. But there is nothing I can do about this 'little' situation right now…Sam is not even asleep yet and my sister is sitting downstairs watching a stupid dance show. Maybe I can give her a little something…I walk with her to the end of the hallway and push her against the wall. "Do you have any idea what you do to me Anastasia?" I kiss my way from her ear to her collarbone. "Do you?"

"No…" She moans while she arches her neck to give me better access. "Oh but I think you do…I think you know exactly what you are doing…but you know the difference between you and me is that I don't start something I can't finish…let's get back to Melissa…" Biting her lip and looking at me through her long lashes she nods her head. "So, I guess we have a date Mr. Grey…this evening, you…me and the piano…"

The ringing of my phone keeps me from answering her. With a sigh I take the phone from my jacket and see Elliot's name. Without even thinking about it I send the call to voicemail. I really can't handle my brother right now.

"Who was that?" Ana asks.

"Elliot" Is my short answer.

"Christian…" And again my phone starts ringing. It is Elliot again. Again I send the call to voicemail and start leading Ana down the stairs.

"Why don't you take the call?" Ana asks carefully.

"Because I need to get my little sister to sleep as soon as possible…"

"But maybe something happened…" She says worried.

"No, I know my brother. We talked about going away on the Grace for a weekend, him my dad and myself… and I know that he is calling to set up a date."

"Ana!" We hear Melissa shouting from the media room. "It's Megan for you on the phone." Ana's eyes dart to mine and while taking a huge breath of air she starts walking towards where Melissa is sitting. "Megan says it's urgent…" Melissa hands Ana mindlessly the phone, focusing her attention back on that ridiculous show.

While Ana takes the phone to her ear her eyes keep strained on me. "Hi Megan, this is Ana."

Then I see everything unfurling in front of me. Ana's face goes from confused to scared and then finally when her eyes focus back on me I see worry clouding her face.

"But…but how?" Ana stammers and slowly sits down on the couch. "But there was nothing wrong with him when we left…" Ana says with a trembling voice.

 _What is wrong with who?_

"Where is he now?" _Who is he?_ I think. What the fuck are they talking about?

"Okay…sure…we will be there as soon as possible…" Ana ends the call without saying goodbye and her eyes meet mine.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Christian…that was Megan…it is your dad…"

"What is wrong with my dad?" I ask and I watch Melissa turning off the television. "What's wrong with Carrick Ana?"

"They just brought him to the hospital…according to Megan he just suffered a heart attack…"

 **APOV**

I expected Christian to panic, to scream and yell, but none of that. While Melissa is holding on to me crying I watch my husband squaring his shoulders.

"Gail! Taylor!" His baritone voice booms through the great room. Within seconds Taylor and Gail are standing at the doorway.

"There has been an emergency and they had to take my father to the hospital. Taylor, I want you to drive us I also want Sawyer joining us. And Gail please look after Sam."

"Oh, Mr. Grey…" Gail starts.

"Not now Mrs. Jones." Christian replies bluntly and turns around in the direction of the elevator.

"I have my phone with me Gail." I say silently as I pass her. "Call me if there is something with Sam and I'm sorry about Christian's behavior." I add giving her an apologetic look.

"It's okay Ana." She pats my hand and sweetly kisses Melissa's fore head. "You go and I will take care of little Sam."

* * *

"Will you just stop crying Melissa!" Christian snarls while we are sitting in the backseat of the Audi. It is only making things worse since Melissa starts crying harder. The ride to the hospital has been excruciatingly long. Due to an accident we have been stuck for thirty minutes in this goddamn car.

"Ssshh" I hush Melissa who has been crying since she heard the news. "It's okay…Grace will make sure he gets the best doctors Melissa…" I try to reassure her.

Christian hasn't said anything. He stepped in the car and faced away from us, staring blankly out of the window. From the outside he seems completely calm, however I know that he is anything but calm. He is terrified in losing his father. He is terrified of not being able to help. He is losing control all over again.

Arriving at the hospital Christian bolts out of the car before it is parked and waits impatiently until Melissa and I are standing by his side. With his hand placed on my lower back he starts guiding us towards the entrance of the hospital. Paparazzi are gathered at the entrance shouting questions and making hundreds of pictures. What are they gaining with this? Why do people like to see the suffering of others in the tabloids?

"Mr. Grey is it true that your father suffered from a heart attack?" _How do they know this already?_

"Ana! Ana! Is it true that your husband is having an affair since you had the miscarriage?" _Oh! Shit no._ The next thing I hear is a growl emanating from Christian's body while he lunges himself at the photographer. "You fucking son of a bitch" Christian grabs the camera from his hands and throws it against the wall. He then grabs the photographer by his collar and just when he is about to punch him Taylor rushes at his side. "Mr. Grey, please…they are not worth it…besides your mother is waiting for you." In the meanwhile the other photographers are shooting pictures of Christian's loss of control.

Christian releases the photographer and turns around. With his hand firmly placed on my lower back we walk behind Taylor who guides us to the emergency department.

Two hours. We have been sitting here two hours. Grace is devastated. Sitting in between Elliot and Melissa she is staring straight ahead, she can't seem to stop the tears falling from her face.

When we walked in Grace clung unto Christian never wanting to let him go again. However my husband not being able to control his own emotions, hugged his mother briefly and without giving anyone a second glance went to sit down on the furthest flimsy white chair in the hallway. Isolating himself from everybody including me.

From what Megan just told me Carrick has suffered a severe heart attack. Quickly after the first tests were conducted on him they showed that he needed surgery immediately, if he wanted to have a chance to survive. Depending on how many bypasses he needs the surgery will take up from three to six hours. Feeling restless and utterly useless I decide to get everybody something to drink.

"Do you want something to drink?" I whisper to Megan who is fidgeting with her hands.

"Yeah sure, I will go with you." She whispers back.

"I will be right back. I am going down to the cafeteria to get us all something to drink." I whisper in Christian's ear. He doesn't reply. He only nods his head barely noticeable and leans back in the uncomfortable chair. I brush with my hand against his cheek and I am relieved that he slightly leans in to my touch. "I love you Christian. I am here for you." I whisper before walking away.

"God, this is heartbreaking." Megan starts as soon as we have left the waiting area. Sawyer is patiently waiting behind us while we are waiting for the elevator.

"Yes, it is." I agree and look around me. Luckily there are not a lot of people, not so weird seeing that it is almost midnight.

"Where you there when it happened?" I ask Megan.

"Yes, after you left…" She glances at me apologetically. "We decided to stay a while longer. You know explain why we did things the way we did…Grace and Carrick still have a hard time dealing with the fact that we eloped." She shrugs and plays with her wedding ring. "Carrick was so restless, he was constantly fidgeting with the collar of his shirt…he looked so flushed. I just thought that he was upset you know…and then everything happened really quickly. He excused himself. He said he wasn't feeling very well, but before he reached the door he collapsed…"

"How did Grace react?" We step out of the elevator and slowly make our way over to the cafeteria.

"She was remarkably calm at first." Megan shakes her head in amazement. "While she started with CPR she told Elliot to get her bag and to call 911…God Ana it was awful…she was constantly talking to him. Telling him not to leave her, that she needed him. That the kids needed him."

"Mrs. Grey, you need to hurry." Sawyer states and points towards the windows. Paparazzi are gathered there and making pictures of Megan and me buying orange juice and sandwiches. _Jesus._

We quickly pay and make our way back to the rest of the family. "When the paramedics arrived Grace broke down…she couldn't answer one single question, so Elliot stepped in…she hasn't said one word since we arrived here."

No one has moved when we arrive back at the waiting area. Christian is now hunched over, his elbows leaning on his knees. While Megan takes the orange juice and the sandwich to Grace she kneels in front of her. Grace briefly looks up and after some encouragement she finally takes the bottle from Megan.

I decide to sit next to Christian and silently hold the bottle of orange juice in front of him. He shakes his head and sighs. "Please Christian you have to drink something." I whisper.

Again he shakes his head and stands from his chair and sits down a few chairs further away from me. Well I won't take this crap.

Determined I stand from the chair and sit on the empty chair besides him. "Christian, I know you are hurting, but you have to drink something…please do it for me."

Without even looking at me he roughly grabs the bottle from my hands, opens it and gulps everything down in less than a few seconds. "Happy?" He grunts. Christian hands me the now empty bottle. He leans with his head against the wall and closes his eyes shutting me out again.

"Why are you acting like this? I just want to be here for you." I put my hand over his fist and rub my thumb against his knuckles.

Ignoring me he stands from his seat and walks to Taylor who is standing in the corner. They speak for a while and Christian returns to his seat. "Sawyer is going to take you home." He states coldly.

"But I don't want to go home. I want to stay here…with you and your family."

"Can't you do what you are told for once in your life Anastasia? You should go home and rest…you need to sleep."

"I am not leaving Christian."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I am not."

"Suite it yourself Anastasia, just leave me be." And just like that he leans back against the wall, closes his eyes ignoring me completely.

With shaking hands I finally manage to open the bottle of orange juice and take a few gulps. Christian is making me feel like I don't belong here. Everybody is seated together. Megan is now seated next to Elliot. Her face leaning against his shoulder. _Why is he doing this?_

Deciding that I can't take his rejection anymore I stand up from my chair and walk towards the door. "I am going to take a walk Taylor. Will you please notify me when there is any news? I have my phone with me."

"Sawyer is coming with you Ana." Taylor says sympathetically. I just nod my head and make my way out of the waiting room. When I'm not even half way on the long hallway leading to the elevators my name is called. "Anastasia." It's Christian.

"What?"

"Where are you going?"

I shrug and turn around. "Anastasia I won't ask you again. Where the fuck are you going?" I count to ten in my head. And then back again before I turn around to face my very angry and unreasonable husband.

"What the hell do you care where I'm going. You made it pretty clear that you don't want me anywhere near you. Go back in there Christian. Your mother needs you."

His jaw is ticking and his hands are fists hanging on both sides of his body. "You have no idea what I am going through right now." He says through gritted teeth. "He can die Anastasia. My father is having surgery right now and you are acting like a petulant child."

 _He just didn't say that did he?_ I square my shoulders and walk closer to him and I take in a deep breath. "I'm going for a walk Christian. I will pretend you didn't say those words to me…because I damn well know what it is when your father is fighting for his life…"

He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "Don't even dare to apologize to me right now… I understand. I truly understand how hurt and alone you feel right now. Your father's life is in someone else's hands and there isn't anything you can do about it. You are thinking about the things you still wanted to tell him, things that you never got the chance to tell him or never dared to tell him. You are thinking about the things you could have done together. Things that maybe will be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. I know fucking well how it feels." I roughly brush a few hairs that have fallen on my face away and take another deep breath. "The difference between you and me, is that your dad is still alive, you still have the chance to do all those things with him. And like I said, I understand your grief and loss of control, however that doesn't mean that you have to push me away and treat me and the rest of your family like shit. Like you have told me several times by now…you are not alone in this Christian. It will make it a hell of a lot easier if you don't shut everyone out, especially your mother and siblings. Now I am asking _you_ to let _me_ be. Go back to your family Christian." Not being able to look at his face any longer I turn around and quickly open the door leading to the stairway and even though my view is being impeded by the tears streaming down my face I keep running up the stairs until my legs can't carry me anymore and I have to stop. _You have no idea what I am going through right now. You have no idea what I am going through right now._

How dare he say that to me? How dare he. I know exactly what he is going through. Except the difference is that there was nothing they could do for my father. But I know exactly how he feels. Helpless, sad, angry.

I let myself slide against the door ignoring Sawyer who is standing almost touching me in the narrow staircase.

"Are you okay Ana? Do I need to get Mr. Grey?" I snort and shake my head.

"I think Christian made it pretty clear that he doesn't want me near him right now. Can you please leave me alone for one moment Sawyer? I promise I won't move." I plead with him.

Without saying anything I see Sawyers feet moving towards the door. When the door closes with a soft click I bury my face in my hands and let out all the frustration and anger. Emotions are wildly running through my body. And I cry and cry and cry. Why is he shutting me out? Why is he being so callous and cold towards me? I just stay there for the longest time…my eyes closed until I feel my butt getting numb from sitting on the hard cold floor. I scramble from the floor and wipe my tears away with my sleeve. When I open the door I find Sawyer waiting there dutifully for me.

"On what floor are we?" I ask while I look up and down the hallway.

"Children's ward." Why do I always end up in the children's ward? I slowly walk through the empty hallway until I reach the section where all the newborns are laying.

Standing in front of the window I watch five little babies peacefully sleeping in those little basinets. They are all beautiful and so innocent. I wonder what their names are.

"That little girl on the left is my little girl." I jump up when I suddenly hear a man's voice. Looking to my right I see a man from Christian's age. His blond hair is all over the place and he looks dead-tired.

"Congratulations" I whisper and look at the little girl all wrapped up in a pink blanket.

"Mrs. Grey." Sawyer is standing next to me his hand on my elbow. "Yes Sawyer?" He takes one glance at the man standing next to me who is oblivious of Sawyer's presence. He is too absorbed by watching his little girl.

"It's okay Sawyer."

"Ma'am we have very clear instructions from Mr. Grey to escort you back to the waiting area." His eyes don't leave the man next to me though. "Is there any news on Carrick?" I ask.

"No, ma'am." Sawyer replies stoically.

"Then I want to stay here for a while longer. Tell Mr. Grey that for me please." I shrug free from Sawyers hold while immediately Sawyer starts typing away on his phone. _He was the one who wanted me gone._

"She is beautiful." I say looking at the man beside me.

He nods without breaking eye contact with his daughter. "She is, she looks just like her mother." He says smiling brightly.

"What is her name?"

"Victoria" He says proudly and tears his eyes from the window and looks at me. "She is our little miracle." He explains. I look back at little Victoria and smile. "We tried for years to get pregnant." The man continues. "We were told that we weren't able to conceive…and then when we least expected it my wife got pregnant." _A little miracle indeed._

"Well congratulations. She is truly a beautiful little girl." I say and take a step back and take one last glance at the sleeping babies.

"Wait" The man says. "I didn't get your name."

"I am Ana Grey." I say extending my hand. Recognition dawns on his face while he shakes my hand. "You are _the_ Ana Grey?" He says holding my hand longer then intended.

"I'm afraid I am." I whisper.

"I'm sorry." The man shoves his hand in his pockets and looks really uncomfortable. "My wife told me a few days ago that you had a miscarriage…" He leaves the words hanging in the air. I look at the babies and then back at the man in front of me. I close my eyes for a brief moment not really knowing what to say. "I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to make you feel uncomfortable. It's just that my wife works in the hospital…" _And it has been all over the newspapers_. I think to myself.

"It's okay…" I manage to get out.

"Have faith, miracles do happen…" The man says before I walk away. Suddenly my phone rings and I see Taylor's name crossing my screen.

"Taylor is there any news on Carrick?" I ask breathlessly.

"Ana, we have a situation. It's Mr. Grey…Christian."

 **CPOV**

Four and a half hours. I has been four and a half fucking hours since we last heard from anyone. Watching my family sitting together, seeking comfort makes me feel even angrier. And I don't even know the reason why I am so fucking mad. I even drove my wife away with my despicable behavior. I don't even know why I said those things to her. I know that I hurt her, but I also knew that I had to let her go or I would have make things worse. When I found out that she ended up at the children's ward I wanted to have her here with me. I know that she was probably watching the newborn babies. It is like she keeps punishing herself.

 _You have no idea what I am going through right now._ Why the fuck did I say something like that to her? She knows exactly what I am going through. She has been there herself. However, while I am surrounded by my family and loved ones, Ana had no one. She was completely alone. God, I am a first class probably hates me right now.

I see my mother slowly standing from her chair and she starts pacing the hallway. I can honestly say that I have never seen my mother so upset. She is normally the strong one. Suddenly I can take it anymore. I can't stand seeing my mother like this. "Stay here." I bark at Taylor and walk into the hallway and make my way to the deserted reception area.

The guy sitting behind the desk is staring boringly at his computer screen. He doesn't even acknowledge my presence.

"Can you call someone and ask if there is any news on Carrick Grey." I demand while I slam my hand on the counter.

He slowly tilts his face from the screen and looks at me with lifeless eyes.

"Where is he now?" He says with an annoying nasal voice.

"He is being operated as we speak. I believe that doctor…"

But the fucking bastard doesn't let me finish my sentence. "If your father is being operated right now there is nothing I can do for you Sir. You will have to wait until they have finished." He returns his face back to the screen. "Look, it has been almost five hours and we haven't heard anything…maybe…" And again this ignorant fucker cuts me of.

"Look Sir, I don't know what you don't understand about what I just told you. But there is nothing that I can do for you at this moment. You just will have to wait like everyone else does."

"Do you have a fucking idea to who you are talking to?" I yell.

"Sir, if you don't calm down I will have to call security."

Fuck I want to smack him on his face and then knock his head through the wall. Repeatedly preferably. I want to cause him as much harm as possible.

"I want to talk to your manager right now." I demand and kick the counter in the process.

"Can't do Sir." He says rolling his eyes. "His shift starts in three hours." _Did he just roll his fucking eyes at me?_

Red…I see fucking red only by looking at this fucker's face. I feel the little control I still have slowly slipping away from me and suddenly I feel that sixteen year old fucked up teenager again. I grab the phone on his desk and shove it in front of his ugly face. "Make the damn call!" I say through gritted teeth.

"Sir, I think I make myself clear." He stands up from his chair and takes the phone in his hand. "I am going to call security right now."

Without thinking about the consequences I launch forward and grab the asshole by the collar of his uniform. He is a few inches shorter than me, but even if he would have been the fucking hulk I would have kicked his ass. "Do you want me to kick your ass?" I say pushing his back against the wall. "Do you?" I push him again, my face almost touching his.

"Not so tough anymore huh? I dare you to roll your eyes again at me." I say taunting him. Deliberately challenging him. _Come on give me a real reason to hit you in the face._

"Help! Help! Somebody help me!" The fucker starts screaming like a little girl and before I have the chance to really hit him, I am being pulled away from him by two huge security guards.

"Don't fucking touch me." I yell. They don't let me go. They keep restraining me. They are touching me everywhere. One guy is holding both of my hands behind my back while the other one is pushing me against my back in order to get me on the floor.

"Get your filthy hands off of me!" I yell.

"Sir, calm down. We already called the police. Just cooperate with us and we will release you." One of the fuckers says. _Yeah right._

I let myself relax a little and the idiot releases his hold on my hands giving me the chance to break free. Without thinking about it I turn around and punch him in the face. Again and again. In the meantime I hear Taylor calling out my name and hell breaks loose. I am pulled of the guy and I am held by two others. From the corner of my eye I see Taylor talking into his phone, while I am being handcuffed. Fuck!

I hear Taylor talking to the police and everyone is talking at the same time. In the meanwhile I am being pushed against the floor.

And then I see the door from the stairway opening and Ana approaching.

"Christian…what…what happened. Why are you handcuffed?" I close my eyes as not to look at her face. Shame. That's what I am feeling right now. I am ashamed of myself.

"Christian…what did they do to you?" She whispers. She kneels next to me her hands shaking slightly.

"Ma 'am we need to take him to the police station."

"No! No! You can't take him…" Ana starts. She is crying and looking up at those fuckers who call themselves police officers.

"Ma'am, please move out of the way."

"But I am his wife. His father…he…his father is having surgery right now. Please."

"He should have thought about it before he hit the security guard."

"What?" Ana says astonished and I see her looking at her surroundings.

"Christian…what have you done?"

"I'm sorry Ana…I'm sorry for everything."

"No…no…" Her eyes dart from me to the police officers. "Please don't take him with you…please."

"Ana call my lawyer. Taylor knows his name. It will be all right. I will be back before you even know it."

The last thing I see while I am being dragged away is Ana's crying face.


	16. Chapter 16 - Nobody knows me

**Chapter 16 – Nobody knows me…**

 **APOV**

It's been over an hour since I saw Christian being dragged away by two huge police officers, his wrists handcuffed at his back. The only thing I could do as the tears fell down my face, was to look at my husband's retreating back. When I finally turned to look at Taylor, I couldn't describe his facial expression. I don't know if he was incredibly angry or simply disappointed. Probably both.  
When Taylor teared his eyes from Christian and he turned to look at me his eyes softened. "I will contact his attorney Ana. I think it's best if you stay here with Dr. Grey." Then he picked up his phone and after a short conversation he brusquely walked out of the reception area.

Somehow it felt like I was letting Christian down, by letting Taylor handling this, but on the other hand he kind of deserved it. Ever since Megan called us, he has been acting detached and cold. Deliberately pushing me away. He couldn't even muster to comfort his mother, who so desperately needs it at the moment. I just stood there for a couple of seconds watching the door were Christian and Taylor had disappeared into, until I made up my mind. I would drive with Taylor to the police station, but I would wait in the car.

We are parked in a dark alley close to the police station. Because of the crazy photographers Sawyer had to drive us away from the police station.

"What the hell is taking them so long?" I mutter silently. Sawyer who is sitting in the front of the SUV turns back to face me.

"Mr. Grey has an outstanding lawyer. I'm sure he will be out quickly." Sawyer says looking apologetic.

I just nod my head and turn my head to look at my phone. There is still no news about Carrick. God, I hope he will be all right. I don't know what would happen to Grace if something would happen to Carrick.

"Do you think it's bad that we haven't heard anything yet from the hospital?" I was still staring at my phone, probably wishing that magically there would be an incoming text from Megan telling me that Carrick was out of surgery and doing perfectly fine.

"My old man had heart surgery…" Sawyer says a strange emotions flickering through his eyes. "It depends on the damage…"

Strange…even though Sawyer is with me practically 24/7 I never heard him mention something personal. I really don't know anything about Sawyer. I never asked though.

"Do you see them often?" I ask. "Your parents I mean."

"After my dad passed away, my mother decided to move to Spain…my aunt lives there."

"You don't have any siblings?"

"No…" his tone is cold in a way I never heard Sawyer talk. Professional yes, cold never.

"I'm sorry…my relationship with my dad was not a good one. He never wanted children…I was a mistake…and he would always remind me of that…"

"I'm sorry Sawyer…I didn't know…"

"Don't be…he was a heartless and cruel man…I never figured out why my mother stayed with him."

"Okay…" Some movement gets my attention and when I turn my head to look at where the movements are coming from, I see Taylor and Christian walking towards the SUV. Christian is looking down at his wrists, his brow furrowed and a pained expression on his face. It is only when he reaches the SUV that our eyes meet. However, it only lasts a couple of seconds and before I know it, Christian is sitting in the SUV has fastened his seatbelt and is Taylor pulling away from the curb.

An uncomfortable and suffocating silence descends over the car. I can feel Christian's eyes on me, but I just can't turn my face and look at him. I am still too angry with him.

I jump up slightly when I hear a low buzz and a privacy screen between the driver's seat and the rear of the car slides into place. _Geez, I didn't even know about this privacy screen._

"Is there any news from the hospital?" Christian asks and his voice sounds raw and weak.

"No…" Is my simple answer. Christian releases a shaky breath and shifts in his seat.

"Can I please hold you?" He asks and this time his voice sounds broken.

I extend my hand and before I know it Christian has an iron grip on it…almost to the point that it hurts. "I'm sorry…" He whispers.

Still looking out of the window I close my eyes. I can feel his pain and torment. I know he is terrified of something happening to his dad. I know that the last few weeks have been extremely hard on him, actually on both of us. He can't control situations like these. His power and money mean nothing in situations like these and he has to feel like that little four year old boy again clinging at his dead mother on that old dirty rug. Complete and utterly out of control. Submitted to the mercy of others.

"What happened in there?" I ask deliberately ignoring his apology.

"Nothing much…" Christian says deliberately nonchalant. "They made me wait, questioned me, then my lawyer showed up…" He shrugs as if it's no big deal.

"At first they wanted to hold me there for 24 hours, but when my lawyer finally got hold of one of the members of the hospital board and told them that I would donate a huge amount of money all charges were dropped." My head snaps up to look at him. The first time after he stepped into the car. I'm astonished. I don't know exactly what went down with that guy or what Christian did to him, but he somehow must have threatened him and then he hit a security guard. It is like he can get away with everything, just because he has money. At least he has the decency to look contrite.

I shake my head and bite my tongue.

"Look…I am really sorry, I understand now that I was acting like a lunatic and…"

"Save it Christian…I really am not in the mood to hear any of your pathetic excuses right now. You don't go hitting or threatening people when you lose control of a situation, you should have asked some else to walk to the reception area and ask for information. You could have asked Taylor or Sawyer…or hey even me your wife…but oh you couldn't because you had pushed me away right?" I say, not even trying to hold back my anger anymore. I'm furious…I'm actually past furious. _I am livid._

Christian recoils slightly from my outburst, but then his face morphs and I am staring at the cold CEO and he shrugs nonchalantly. "That man in the hospital was the real me Ana…I told you."

I sink back into my chair and yank my hand from his tight hold. A desperate sigh leaves my lips and instead of lashing out I cover my face with my hands and count to ten.

"You are a real asshole Christian…" I say. Because I can't control myself anymore. He needs to understand that he can't act like this every time something happens what he can't control.

"I have been called worse." He replies conceitedly.

I urge the words to come to me. Reasonable words. Comforting words even, but there is nothing. My mind is completely blank. Why does he have to behave like a complete jerk? Why does he keep pushing me away? My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

"What is wrong with you?" I whispers silently in my hands. I didn't even suspect that Christian could hear me.

"I am protecting myself from the inevitable Anastasia…" _Ugh, I am Anastasia now…_

"What do you mean by that?"

He shrugs and his eyes flick to mine. That is when I see his mask slightly falling. He is acting harsh, but the reality is that he is terrified. He is terrified of losing his father and that's why he is doing what he thinks is best. Detaching himself from everyone he loves.

"Christian…" I unbuckle my seatbelt and sit on his lap. "Look at me. Please." I brush his wayward hair out of his face and force him to look at me.

"You need to stay positive…your dad…he is…"

"You wouldn't understand." He whispers.

"Will you stop saying that!" I yell at him even if we are sitting nose to nose. "I do understand. I know what it is and how it feels when your mother doesn't love you. I know what it is that your mother chooses anything or anyone above you. I know what it is to be abandoned by your own mother." I take a deep breath of air and grab the lapels of his jacket forcefully. "And I surely know how much it fucking hurts to lose your father. So don't ever say that again to me Christian Grey!"

His gray eyes, dark and angry flicker to my eyes. "No, you don't understand!" He yells back.

"And you know why?" Christian cocks his head to the side and in his eyes is this angry glimmer that I have never seen before.

I just shake my head but I am not sure if I really want to hear what he is about to tell me. "Nobody knows the real me Anastasia, nobody knows how many times I have cried in my room when nobody was watching, nobody knows how many times I've lost hope, how many times I have been let down. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head when I am sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody. Knows. Me." He finishes through gritted teeth.

Then lifting me up like a feather he places me back on my seat. "Put your seatbelt on." He demands before he turns away from me and starts looking out of the window.

Taylor is looking at me through the rearview mirror. I just shake my head and turn my face to look outside. The only thing I would like to do right know is go home and curl up in bed and go to sleep. _Alone._ Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him, but he is pushing all of my buttons and he is being unreasonable. With a shaky breath I close my eyes and lean my head against the leather seat. God. I want to cry. I want to yell, I want to hit something. I want so badly to tell him that I do know him, that I have an idea about his thoughts and that I want nothing more than to help him…to be there for him…but I don't… I just remain seated like this for the rest of the drive, until I feel the car slowing down.

The car is immediately surrounded by paparazzi who are happily clicking away with their cameras, desperate to get a glimpse of us through the tainted windows.

* * *

"Where the fuck did you two disappear to?" Elliot growls when we finally enter the waiting area. Megan is sleeping with her head in Elliot's lap.

While standing awkwardly next to Christian I shake my head at Elliot. "It's a long story, please Elliot…" I plead. _Please don't make this worse._ Elliot just stares from me to Christian a couple of times before he turns his attention back to Melissa who is sleeping.

"Where are Grace and Megan?" I ask now looking at the almost empty hallway.

"Bathroom." At the same moment we watch Megan and Grace walking to where we are standing. Grace eyes are surrounded by dark circles…it seems as if she has aged ten years in these last hours. I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel. Seeing the man you love, the love of your life fighting for his life has to be excruciatingly hard.

"Christian…Ana…where have you been?" Grace asks. The tears are already brimming in her eyes. Christian doesn't respond, instead he shuffles uncomfortably on his feet and stares at the floor. I would love to tell Grace everything, I would love to fall in her arms and tell her that he son is acting like a complete and utter moron. I would nothing more than to tell her that Christian hit a security guard and that he spend the last two hours in jail…however I can't. Grace has enough to deal with without me adding more to that pile of shit. I am sure she will find out sooner or later. Well actually as soon as the next newspaper hits the newsstand.

Elliot looks at me and motions to Melissa. I walk to him and carefully switch places without waking Melissa, so he is able to comfort his mother too.

That's when the refolding doors open with a thud and a large man dressed in blue scrubs enters the hallway.

"Family of Carrick Grey." He says and I have to admit that his voice sounds eerie.

"Yes…" Grace says. She is now walking in between Megan and Elliot her eyes never leaving the doctor's.

"Is…is he…?"

"He is recovering now Grace…" The doctor says quickly. I zone out the moment I hear him talking about incision in the middle of his chest, exposing his heart. Glancing towards Megan I watch her turning extremely pale. Christian is shaking and Elliot has his eyes closed while the doctor keeps talking.

"Can you please say that in normal English…" Elliot says while he looks at the doctor with a sheepish look on his face.

"Of course, I apologize." The doctor pauses for a brief time and continues. "What I was saying is that we had to remove two healthy blood vessels from his leg and attached it to the blocked arteries. Like I said before, the surgery went well, no complications whatsoever.

"How long does he needs to stay here and when will we be able to see him…" Elliot asks again. His arm still around his mother's waist.

"If there are no complications he will have to stay for one to two days in the intensive care unit. We assume that he has to stay here from three to eight days until he is able to leave the hospital again. The amount of time varies and depends on his health before the surgery and whether complications develop from the surgery."

"And after the discharge?" Megan whispers.

"The recovery at home takes four to six weeks. Recovery includes physical therapy, respiratory therapy, occupational therapy, and diet counseling. Exercise and driving may be resumed after about 2 to 3 weeks. Your father in law is probable able to return to work within one to two months."

Without even blinking Grace listens to what the doctor is telling us. The tears are gliding from her eyes down her cheeks.

"I want to see him." She says determined. However I think the only reason she is still standing, is because she is being supported by Elliot and Megan.

"Of course." The doctor says understandingly. "A nurse will be out soon and will take you to the Intensive Care. Like I said, your husband has to stay there for at least the next twenty four hours. He can only have two visitors at the time."

I start brushing my hand along Melissa's hair, and carefully nudge her awake. "Mel…Melissa sweetie wake up." Her dark eyelashes start to move and slowly her eyes open. They immediately fill with tears when she realizes where she is. "Hey, don't cry…your dad is out of surgery and from what the doctor just said he is going to be all right…" Relief washes down on her little face and she bolts up and walks directly towards Grace.

It only takes less than a minute, before the folding doors open again and a middle-aged nurse, with friendly eyes comes walking in. She walks towards Grace and lovingly takes Grace's hands in hers. I can't hear what they are talking about, but Grace visibly relaxes and meekly starts walking towards the doors. "I will go with her" Elliot says looking at us and quickly walks away.

"Are you going in to see your dad?" I whisper in Melissa's ear who is now sitting on my lap.

"I really don't want to." She says silently. "Do I have to?" She looks from me and Megan, her brown watery eyes pleading. "No, you don't." Megan reassures her. "I won't be going in either. I will stay here with you okay. And when Elliot comes back, maybe you want to come back with me and sleep at our house?"

"Okay…" Melissa replies. "Will you take me to see him when he is awake then?"

"Of course. As soon as your dad wakes up I will drive you to see him…" Melissa relaxes visibly and leans back with her head against my shoulder.

Christian is in the meanwhile pacing the hospital hallway. His hands tucked away and his pockets. He looks disheveled and angry. _Well, that's what a visit to the police station probably brings up in a guy._

I don't think that ten minutes have passed when Elliot and Grace come walking in again. Despite her tearful face and red eyes, Grace surely looks better.

Melissa hurries to her and wraps her arms around her. They are silently talking to each other when Christian pulls me from the chair by my arm and before I know it I am walking towards the ICU following the friendly nurse. She is explaining to us that we need to wash our hands before entering the room, but I can only hear the blood gushing through my ears, because reality is that I don't want to enter that room. It brings back horrible memories from when my dad was lying here after his accident. I don't want to enter the room. However, it all happens in a blur. The nurse is talking softly and so is Christian. I wash my hands, dry them and sanitize them. While Christian slowly walks to the bed, I keep standing at the doorway, my eyes strained at Carrick. I only see the monitoring of his heart activity, the tube to help him with breathing, tubes connected to the veins in his arms, chest tubes draining the chest cavity of fluid and blood. _Oh god. Oh god I need to leave this room._

"Are you all right?" The nurse briefly touches my arm her warm friendly eyes smiling.

"I…I…no not really…" I admit and drop my head.

"It is perfectly understandable. It is a lot to take in." I just nod. _I think I am going to be sick._

"Is he going to be all right?" I ask quietly.

"Don't you worry sweetie…there is a team of specially trained cardiothoracic nurses to take care of him. Our goal is to help your father in law recover as quickly and safely as possible. Even the surgeon and the cardiothoracic anesthetist will continue to follow his progress."

"Is he going to be in a lot of pain?"

"Pain after surgery is not as severe as most people anticipate. He will be given medication as scheduled to keep him as comfortable as possible."

"And that tube, when are you going to remove that tube?" I look at the tube connected to the respirator and quickly look away.

"We will remove the tube as soon as he is fully awake and breathing on his own…I promise you to take good care of him."

"Thank you…also on behalf of my husband's family."

It is five minutes later that Christian and I are walking back to the rest of his family. He is silent, his hand firmly placed on my lower back. As soon as we enter the hallway where everyone is waiting he walks towards Grace and Elliot and they start talking in hushed tones. I just sit next to Megan and Melissa and wait.

"I believe that Taylor is arranging a room for Grace…so that she can wait until Carrick wakes up." Megan whispers.

I glance towards Christian and his eyes meet mine. His brow is furrowed and he is raking his hands through his hair. _He is nervous._

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure…" Taking my bag from the floor I look back at Megan and Melissa. "Be right back."

"Taylor is arranging a private room for us to stay in until my dad wakes up. We are staying here at least until he can be taken to his room. I suggest you go home and sleep." He is not asking. He is telling me. There is no room for discussion. I have to leave, he is staying here.

"Okay…" I reply timidly. All fight has left my body. I am exhausted.

"Sawyer will take you." I feel his lips meeting my forehead, but it is gone before I even have the chance to enjoy it. And then Christian turns around and walks back to his mother and brother.

After saying goodbye to Megan and Melissa is turn around and walk to where Sawyer is standing. What the hell is happening?

 **CPOV**

"Did she finally fall asleep?" My brother ask when I walk back from the sofa. My mother finally collapsed from sheer exhaustion after we talked to the doctor and she had a little extra time alone with my dad.

"Yeah…" I rub my hands along my face and slump back in the chair.

"I've never seen mom like this…" Elliot says leaning back in the chair. He stretches his legs in front of him and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"No, neither have I…it was unsettling…" I admit. Elliot just nods his head. We are all still trying to process everything that happened.

"So, wanne tell me what that was all about when you disappeared…?" When I don't reply immediately my brother sighs.

"Christian, whose ass did you kick?" I grin and shake my head.

"The fucker at the reception…" I shrug and rub my wrists. _They left marks_. "I asked him politely a couple of times to call for information about dad…when he acted like a dick…I lost my temper…" _Wrong move._

"That scrawny guy with the big ears? Why didn't you say so…I would have loved to kick his ass too!" Elliot replies grinning. "What did Ana have to say?"

Slumping further into my chair I close my eyes. "That bad huh?"

"Yeah…that bad…" I really want to kick myself at this moment. Ana and I haven't had the chance to talk about what happened. But everything she said hit home. She was right, but I just couldn't deal with it. Not on top of everything else that is going on right now.

"Fuck I need to take a shit…" Elliot says jumping from his chair.

"Christ, you're so crass Elliot…" I look at my mom who is surprisingly still sleeping. Somehow my brother doesn't know how to whisper.

"Will you be all right?" He asks and his eyes go to my mom sleeping on the sofa.

"Yeah…" The door closes with a soft click and I stare at my mom. I walk to the sofa she is sleeping on and make sure she is still sleeping. Then I walk out of the room in the direction of the ICU.

It only takes me a couple of minutes to reach the ICU. I nod at the nurses and make my way to my dad.

He somehow looks older then when I talked to him yesterday at dinner. And vulnerable. He looks incredibly vulnerable while attached to all those machines. I clench my fist until I feel my nails digging in my palms.

My eyes fly to the heart monitor that gives a constant display of his heart rate. God, how I hate hospitals. Every time I set foot in a hospital, I am reminded of when I was brought into the hospital in Detroit when I was taken away from my dead mother. New faces, strange noises. And the smell…the horrible smell of disinfectant. I didn't know what was going on ... I just wanted to go back to my mother. I didn't want her to be cold anymore. I wanted her to wake up. I was petrified, so fucking petrified. Every time the door would open I expected my mother to walk in and take me with her. But she never came. Then Grace and Carrick came and adopted me. I owe them everything. Because of their patience, love and understanding I became the man I am today.

The sacrifices, beliefs, and values my parents implemented on me determined the man I grew up to be. They made sacrifices to care for us. Day after day, they protected me, soothed me when I cried and reassured me the best they could after a bad dream. _Unconditional love._

I look at my dad's face again urging him to open his eyes. I don't care if he gives me his 'lawyer' glare as long as he opens his eyes.

Despair. Anger. Hurt and regret. That's what I felt the moment Ana told me that my dad was brought to the hospital. I could only think that he couldn't die. He is too young. And there are still so many things I need to ask him. So many things we need to talk about and still so many things to do together.

I scoop closer to his bed and tentatively touch his hand. It's cold. A lump builds up in my throat and his hand gets flurry because of the tears that are threatening to fall. _Man the fuck up Grey!_

"Hey dad…" I whisper. "I don't know if you can hear me, but...I…I just wanted you to know some things. Things that I never told you." Glancing down at his hand I hold it in mine. His hand feels lifeless in mine. But I don't care. I somehow need this connection.

"I just wanted to tell you that you are the best dad a child could ever wish for…" I chuckle nervously. "Yeah, you probably never thought I would actually say that out loud huh…I know I made your life miserable by ignoring everything you told me, and I know there were days that you wanted to throttle me…but you never turned your back on me, no matter how mad you were, you would always be there for me. I should start by thanking you for my bed, clothes and the food you put on the table. I know that most people take those things for granted, but not me. I also want to thank you for the times that I cried when I had a nightmare, and you got out of bed and comforted me the best you could. I also want to thank you for all those bedtime stories you read to me, even on the days that you would come home from a long day at work. I want to thank you for resolving every disagreement you had with mom in front of me…I didn't understand it at the time, but I sure do know. By doing that you taught me that conflicts in a relationship are not only inevitable, but something to embrace and seen as an opportunity to grow further together…let me tell you a little secret dad…" I move closer to him. "I fucked up royally today…" I squeeze his hand a tiny bit. "I want to thank you for the patience, love and understanding that you showed me in accepting me as I was… I want to thank you for being the best possible role model I could have hoped for. And for all of the moment to moment tiny decisions that you made or the huge decisions that I will never know about that forged you into the man, and the father, that you became. I… love you, dad…" I lean my head against the bed… his cold hand still in mine. "Fuck dad you have to pull through…we need you…I need you. I need you here for when I fuck up again with Ana or for when I am a dad myself and I don't know what to do…I just need you dad…"

I have no idea how long I stay like this. Praying, hoping and thinking when the door opens and my brother steps in. He winks at the older nurse and makes his way to the bed.

"I figured you would be here…" He says looking at the heart monitor. When I see the nurse watching us I squeeze my dad's hand again and motion with my head towards the door.

"I'll be right there…" Elliot says.

"What the fuck took you so long man?" I whisper as Elliot saunters back into the room. I lean back in the chair and watch as my brother takes a seat.  
"I had a little chat with the receptionist guy…" He wiggles his eyebrows and shoots a quick glance to our mom.

"Do I want to know?"

"Relax man, I didn't touch him…I just told him that the next time we ask him a question he needs to fuck the man up and answer it otherwise I am going to kick his little midget ass when there aren't any security guards around…"

"What did he say?"

"The fucker whimpered…" He shakes his head. The twinkle is back in his eyes and the grin that makes Elliot…Elliot.

My brother looks at my mom and motions with his chin. "Do you think we should wake her?"

I just shake my head. "Just let her sleep. She needs it and knowing mom, she probably won't leave the hospital until dad does."

"Dad won't know what hit him the moment he opens his eyes and mom kicks his ass…"

"Did we do this to him Ell?" I ask silently.

Elliot's eyes meet mine. Guilt washing over his face. "We probably added some stress that he didn't need…" Suddenly he leans forward his arms leaning on his knees. "Melissa told me that dad has chocolate stashed away in his office…she feels guilty…she promised dad she wouldn't tell mom…"

"I knew it too Elliot, and I didn't tell mom…it just seemed so innocent…so…"

"So typically dad…" He finishes for me.

We sit like that for a while, the only noises in the room is that of the people walking outside in the hallway.

"How is Ana doing?" Elliot says now leaning back in his chair and breaking the silence.

"Ana is doing fine…we have our ups and downs. But you know Ana she is strong…"

"Did you ever found out what the reason of the miscarriage was?"

"No, we didn't…"

I hear my brother shifting in his chair, clearly uncomfortable. "Look Christian, I am really sorry…"

"It's fine Elliot…" It isn't actually. But what is there left to say? They are pregnant and we are not. "Do you want to find out what you are having?" I ask and turn the conversation back to him.

"We do, but it is still too early…I mean I think I need therapy and some time to prepare if the baby turns out to be a girl…" His eyes quickly flicker to mine and I see the panic setting in.

The only thought running through my head at this moment, is that if Ana and I ever get pregnant, I don't care if it is a boy or a girl…as long as it is a healthy baby.

* * *

"Sir, we are here." I jump up and realize that we already arrived at Escala. I must have fallen asleep. I glance at my watch. It is three in the afternoon. I wonder what Ana is doing. The only contact we have had, was when I called her to say that my dad had woken up and they had taken him off the ventilator. But that was over three hours ago and Ana was still half asleep. The intention is to sleep for a while, shower and then I will go back to the hospital. Then Elliot can go home to freshen up and sleep for a while. My mother refused to leave the hospital. Megan called to say that she would bring clean clothes and some toiletries so my mom could freshen up. Gail will take care of the meals.

Leaving the car I quickly walk towards the elevator and punch in the code for the penthouse. I'm exhausted, but first I need to talk to Ana. I need to apologize. Hell I need more than to apologize.

Immediately when the doors open I am greeted by loud music. Horrible music that is. Sawyer greets me with a simple nod of his head and disappears into the security office and closes the door.  
What the fuck is going on?  
I remain motionless at the entrance of the living room. There are pizza boxes on the kitchen counter and soda cans. Kate fucking Kavanagh is sitting on one of the kitchen stools. Her hands holding her belly while she is laughing at something. My eyes wander to where she is looking at and that's when I see Ana and Ethan dancing and singing along with the lyrics.

 _I want a brand new house_  
 _On an episode of Cribs_  
 _And a bathroom I can play baseball in_  
 _And a king size tub big enough_  
 _For ten plus me_

 _(So what you need?)_

 _I'll need a credit card that's got no limit_  
 _And a big black jet with a bedroom in it_  
 _Gonna join the mile high club at thirty-seven thousand feet_

 _(Been there, done that)_

Despite the lack of sleep and the terrible music I can feel my mouth curling into a smile. Ana is dressed in her torn jeans with a purple sweater hanging off her shoulder. She has her hair tied in a high ponytail. And she is laughing. She looks amazing when she laughs. Ethan is behaving equally as crazy as Ana…dancing weirdly and singing along with the lyrics.

As if she feels my presence Ana suddenly turns around and spots me leaning against the doorframe. Her mouth is set in a perfect O…her eyes are wide, the blush is creeping from her neck to her cheeks _She looks amazingly gorgeous._

Seeing Ana's reaction Ethan also stops dancing and the music is turned off. We just stand there staring at each other for what seems an eternity.

Brushing both hands against her legs Ana squares her shoulders and makes her way to where I am standing.

"Hi…" She says timidly. However her eyes aren't laughing anymore.

"Hey baby…" I lean forward and place a kiss on her cheek.

"Ethan, Katherine…" I nod and take a step closer to my wife who is now fumbling with the hem of her incredibly sexy sweater.

"We…we were dancing and uhm… well that was Nickelback…" Ana says and she is now blushing bright red.

"We were just leaving…" Ethan helps his sister of the barstool and walks towards the door.

"Ana…I'll call you later okay. Take care…" I see him squeezing her arm and walks towards the elevator where he waits.

"Thank you…" Kate whispers in Ana's ear while she kisses her cheek.

"It's okay…I'm glad you came by." Ana hugs Kate and walks with her towards the elevator.

"Thank you for picking Mia up from the airport…" I say to Ethan who is glancing from me to Ana.

"Of course…" he says his brow furrowing. "I'm meeting her there now."

"Tell them I will be there as soon as possible."

"Maybe you should rest…you look like shit." He grins and disappears into the elevator.

"Bye banana…it was fun…" He winks at her and then the doors finally close.

"Ethan is right… "Ana says carefully. "You should try and sleep for a while. I promise to wake you if there is any news…"

"I think we need to talk…"

Looking at her bare feet she shakes her head slowly. "I don't think this is the best time to talk Christian…you are tired and to be honest I didn't have a lot of sleep either…so I am going to clean up here and then work for a while."

Ana walks to the kitchen where she frantically starts to clean up. "Why where they here?" I say walking to the counter.

She shrugs but doesn't turn around to look at me. "Ana, is asked you a question…"

"I know Christian…" She replies as if she is talking to a fucking toddler. "I heard you…"

"Then answer me…why where Kate and Ethan here?"

"Why? Do I need to ask permission before I invite people over?"

"No Ana, you don't need permission to invite guests into our home." I use the same patronizing tone and then she turns around to face me. _Oh, fuck. She is angry._

However, it seems that my wife is full of surprises. Instead of lashing out, she takes a deep breath. "Ethan called me to see if I was home when he left Mia at the hospital. Kate was already here…she…she is having a hard time right now…we ordered pizza and then we started talking about the concert…" _The fucking concert._

"Did you have fun?" I ask her and fuck if I don't sound whiney.

"It was a welcome distraction." She says softly. "After all the shit what happened the last few weeks, it was exactly what I needed."

"I see…and you can't do that with me?" I point with my finger to the spot she was dancing and singing not even ten minutes ago.

"It wasn't planned Christian…it just happened you know…we started playing music and…" She chews the inside of her lips and sighs again. "We used to do that a lot…you know when we lived in Portland…"

"So my dad is fighting for his life and you think it is appropriate to have a little party?"

When I see her eyes widening and her hand moving to her mouth I know I just made things worse. Her eyes are frantically moving around the kitchen and the tears are already pooling in her eyes.

"It wasn't like that…it wasn't like that at all…you already had called me to say that your dad…" She stops with what she saying and starts wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Forget it Christian…like I said, I think it's best if you just went to sleep…"

"You're right…I am going to shower first, do you want to lay with me for a while, and I would rather not be alone right now…"

Ana seems to think about it briefly. "I will. Just go shower and I will clean up here."

Just when I enter the bedroom when I am finished showering Ana enters too. Her eyes immediately go to the towel around my waist.

Pulling the duvet back she lays down. "Aren't you going to take your clothes off?"

"No…" She says simply. _Well why the fuck not?_

"I made an appointment for you with Flynn…" She says it so softly that I am not even sure she said that.

"What was that?"

"I said I made an appointment for you to see Flynn…" She clears her throat and watches me removing the towel from my waist.

"Why?"

"Why? Why?" She shrieks. "Because there is obviously something bothering you and you refuse to discuss it with me or someone else for that matter. That's why I made the appointment."

She has a point, but I really don't want to go to Flynn. I think that what I need is Ana. I need to make love to her. Slow.

"Fuck Flynn…" I crawl to where she is laying and start kissing her collarbone.

"Christian…what are you doing?" Ana ducks away while her hands are pressing against my chest.

"What does this look like baby? I need you…"

"Christian…no…" She says again. _Fuck she smells so good. She is so soft. I need her so bad._

"Christian stop! I said no!"

"What the fuck is going on Anastasia?" I whisper yell.

"I am not in the mood to have sex Christian…" Her chin is slightly raised and her cheeks are flushed.

"Oh, so this is how it is going to be from now on? Wait I read about this shit, not even married five fucking minutes and you don't want to have sex with me? Well I don't do well with these kind of punishments. Why the hell would you deny me sex?"

"Because I don't like you very much right now. Since yesterday you have been acting angry and totally out of control. I watched you being led away handcuffed by two police officers, then after waiting for you in that stupid car, you tell me again that I don't understand what you are going through…you dismissed me several times like I was one of your fucking employees…so excuse the fuck out of me if I don't want to have sex with you right now!" She is yelling now. While she was talking she slipped from underneath me and is now pacing the bedroom with her small hands on her hips.

"You don't like me?"

She is just staring at me. "You don't love me anymore?" I ask this time and brush my hands through my still damp hair.

"Jesus, Christian I didn't say that. Of course I love you, but you need help…you need to talk to someone…please."

'Fine! At what time is John expecting me?" I snap as I jump out of bed.

"In two hours…" She says whispering.

"I have to be in the hospital in two fucking hours Ana!"

"I can go to the hospital. I know I am not their daughter, but I can go now if you want…" Shit her face. She looks so sad. That smile I witnessed when I walked into the apartment is gone. And I did that. She is right, I need to talk to Flynn.

"No Ana. I promised my mother I would be there and I am not breaking my promise…"

"Your mom would understand…" She tries again.

I shake my head in frustration and walk to our closet where I randomly grab a few clothes. Gray slacks and a gray sweater. When I finish dressing and enter the bedroom Ana is still on the same spot staring into space. The only thing I can make out of her posture is sadness. "What is happening to us?" she moves her face slowly towards me. But her eyes remain despondent, without that amazing sparkle I love so much. She can't probably even bear to look at me as her eyes are focused on something behind me.

"It is not us Ana it is me…I am the one doing this to us…" I close the distance between us and tuck a strand of her silky hair which has escaped from her ponytail behind her ear.

"I will fix this…just give me a little time and I promise to fix it Ana…" With shaky hands she grips my sweater and buries her face in my chest. "Will you be here when I get back?"

She nods her head and sniffs. "I am going to ask Sawyer to take me to see your dad…but I promise to be home when you get back."

"Will you tell my mom that I will stop by a little later?"

"Sure…" Taking a step back Ana looks at me. "Go and see Flynn…he said he would be waiting for you." _I bet he is…_

"Can I kiss you?" I ask her suddenly feeling cautious. I know I don't deserve it but I need to kiss her so desperately. _Please don't say no._

The little smile on her face tells me that I am aloud to kiss her.

My eyes search her blue ones, just to be sure and when I look at her full lips they are already slightly parted. The moment our lips touch, I feel her sigh. Her body relaxes in my arms. However, this is the right type of sigh. A content sigh maybe. And to make this moment last for as long as possible, I take my time. First I press my lips against her, then I carefully brush with my tongue along her lips. _Sweetness._

It is in this moment that I can forget about feeling completely lost and confused, I simply don't know what to do, what to think or what to feel anymore.

So, I pour everything in this kiss while our tongues are caressing one and other. Remorse, love… silently promising her that I will make things right. Because she deserves it…we deserve it.


	17. Chapter 17 - REAL

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 17 – What is REAL?**

 **CPOV**

"Nervous?" Flynn ask while he watches me calmly. He has his bony legs crossed and his hands folded on his black notebook.

"I don't do nervous John." I reply without looking at him. But the reason I am not looking at him is because he is right. I am nervous even if I don't do nervous. Nervousness is an emotion that makes me restless and I have always managed to ignore it. Truth is that I could ignore it because I had everything under control. But now it's like this nerves are controlling _me_ …it is unsettling. It is like there is something growing in the bottom of my stomach that can only develop into something unknown ... something horrible.

"Of course not…" He replies sarcastically waving his hand in the air.

"Why are you here Christian? I mean it has been a while since we last spoke…"

Twirling my wedding band around my finger I try to postpone my answer. Why am I here? Because I promised Ana, because everything is going to shit, because I feel like I am returning to the old Christian. The Christian I don't like. Without looking at Flynn I turn my head to look out of the window. It is raining and the weather is dull and gray. _Just like Ana likes it._

"Christian, I don't know why you came if you don't want to answer any of my questions…I mean it is like I am sitting across the old angry, I-don't-give-a-shit-Christian." From the corner of my eye is see Flynn moving in his chair, trying to get comfortable.

"I don't know where to start…" I finally say turning my face to look at Flynn.

"Start at the beginning then…" Flynn waves his hand again in the air in that annoying kind of way.

"The honeymoon was perfect. We had fun, well it was just perfect…then we returned home and…" I swallow past the lump in my throat while my eyes drift off to the window. _It is still raining._

"When we returned home we had the miscarriage…" Lifting my eyes to meet Flynn's I see him nodding. "But of course you already knew that because the whole fucking world knows that Ana Grey had a fucking miscarriage…" _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…nope doesn't help shit._ By deeply breathing in and out, I try to get myself back under control.

"Things got totally out of control from that point on…and it actually never returned to the place we were when we were on our honeymoon." Not being able to look at Flynn's face, I lean with my elbows on my knees, my face looking at the cream colored rug.

"A few days after the miscarriage Ana and I went to our cottage at Bainbridge Island. We love it there…we have good memories. We had a huge fallout while staying there, I said horrible things to Ana and she said some pretty heavy things back…but somehow we managed to talk about it and figure it out." Brushing my hands through my hair I tug at the ends. "But then everything went to shit again when the paparazzi found out about the miscarriage…anyway I took Ana away to Greece for her birthday and everything was fine…well that was until I got in a fight with my brother." I shake my head in disgust and lean back in the chair my face turned towards the window. "And then my dad has a heart attack…I lost my shit Flynn…I couldn't handle it anymore and I transformed back into that ugly, cold son of a bitch…"

"I read about your little trip to the police station." He chuckles and plays with his pen.

"Fuck you John…" I mutter.

"What did it cost you…you know just out curiosity…"

"Five hundred thousand dollars…"

"It would have been a lot cheaper if you would have called me sooner…"

"Barely…" I hear Flynn chuckling again and shifting in his chair again.

"But what happened that got you arrested?" Flynn asks looking serious again.

"I…I behaved so bad yesterday at the hospital…I pushed everyone away…I yelled at my little sister…I treated Ana like shit, I threatened the guy at the reception and to top it off I hit a fucking security guard…" I close my eyes when I remember being led away handcuffed and Ana's crying face. I cringe at the memory of us in the car. How bad it got and the things I said to her.

"How do you think I can help you Christian?" _God, I want to punch him right now so fucking badly._

"I don't know you tell me John…" I reply sarcastically and shrug. "You are the psychiatrist here…"

"Did you feel lonely Christian?" Flynn says ignoring my sarcastic comment.

"Yes…" I reply through gritted teeth, because I didn't have any reason to feel lonely. I was surrounded by the people I love and most importantly, I had my wife there with me. _My sweet Ana._

"Did you feel anxious?"

"Yes…"

"And what did you do about it?"

"Why do you ask me this John? You know what I do. I lash out, I withdraw…" _I feel unloved._ I bite the inside of my lip and shake my head furiously. "I just want your help…I can't keep doing this."

"We have discussed this at length Christian…I have to admit I was surprised not to see you here when you and Ana had the miscarriage. Have you …"

"I just feel fucking guilty John!" I yell. Climbing out of the chair I kick that stupid side table and walk towards the window.

Without even batting an eyelash Flynn turns around in his chair so that he is looking in my direction. "Guilty about what Christian?"

"About everything…I feel guilty about everything John." I whisper. Leaning with my head against the cool glass window is somehow comforting at this moment. Just as watching the droplets of rain slowly trickling down the window. _Ana loves this. I bet she is sitting in our bedroom, curled up in the chair watching the rain fall._

"Elaborate _everything_ for me please Christian…"

"The miscarriage, the fight I had with Elliot and now my dad…mostly the miscarriage though…I thought I was fine, but I can't seem to get over the fact that I can't do anything to make Ana's pain go away… I'm still so angry at everyone and everything. And I know it's irrational to feel this anger, I hate the … people staring, I hate that because of me, my wife's name and photographs are plastered on every single fucking newspaper telling all kinds of shit. I know there is nothing I can do, I am fucking aware of that, but if there is one more person who tells me one more time how sorry he is I am going to strangle him. They all feel so damn sorry for us…I can't stand the pity in their eyes. Fuck Flynn, I have people working for me who never ever had the nerve to talk to me and now they feel inclined to tell me that everything is going to be fine, that they are so, so sorry…well fuck them! I am sorry for us too, but most of all I am angry! Angry with my brother…fuck!" I slam my head against the window and close my eyes.

"What happened with Elliot?"

"Megan is ten weeks pregnant…"

"Oh…"

"Yeah…oh…"

"How does that make you feel Christian?"

"Really John?" I snap my head back to look at him but I instantly regret it. I don't want to look at this ugly face. I want to be with Ana, but before I do that I need to solve this shit. I need to get rid of this fucking anger.

"What do you want to hear John…?" My eyes fall at the paper weight on his desk and I feel my lips twitching. _Ana and her paperweights._

"The truth." He answers simply. But it isn't that simple.

"I am happy for them." I reply after a while. "Actually we both are happy for them, but I am also insanely jealous. And I tried to fight it…I tried to push those feelings away…I even took the first step and talked things out with him, but every single time he mentions the baby it feels as if someone is twisting a knife inside of me…and I can't help but think…why did this have to happen to us. Why?" Resigned I walk back to the couch and sit back down. "He is so insanely happy. He can't stop talking about the baby…and my parent's they are happy too, but I see that they are torn about this situation, and I don't want that…" I growl out of frustration and clamp my hands into fists. "And then there is my dad…you know things were actually going well between us, after all these years. When Megan called us saying that my dad was in the hospital having surgery I … it was like my world was falling apart…I was so angry."

"You are grieving…" Flynn states calmly. He sets his black notebook on top of the little table in front of us and looks at me intently.

I just shrug and square my shoulders, because I know that look on his face. I know that he is going to say things that I won't like. Things that will get me thinking. Things that will probably make no sense at first and then those things make a life of its own in my head until the fog clears and it actually makes sense. Well maybe a little sense. Because nothing Flynn says ever makes total sense.

"Grief has a way of dictating your life…" Flynn waves his hand in the air and folds his hands in front his mouth while he leans back in that black chair of his. "That is if you let it…and you are letting grief dictate your life Christian." He says matter of fact.

I shake my head meagerly. "I don't think that it is grief Flynn…" _Fuck I sound so weak, so pathetic._

"It's anger…" I say it out loud, because that makes it true right. Saying things out loud makes them true. Makes things actually be there. Anger is easier for me to handle then grief. So anger it is.

"I don't think so…" Flynn says condescendingly. "Let me ask you a question Christian…did you ever grieve about your mother?"

"Why do you always have to drag her up on these sessions?" I walk back to the window and lean against it with my fore head. "She has nothing to do with this…Ella has nothing to do with this…whatever this is…" I wave my hand in the air dismissingly and hope he will drop this subject. I hate talking about her.

"I think her passing away has everything to do with the way you are feeling right now…"

"I don't even know how I am feeling…I can't even put it into words John…" I sit in front of the window, Indian style and stare outside for the longest time trying to get my thoughts in order. _Impossible._ It's a big fucking mess of words, feeling and actions and in the end the only thing I see is Ana's face.

"I thought I had it all figured out, I had left the BDSM lifestyle behind me, confessed to my parents about what I had been doing all those years, spent a year coming to these gruesome sessions…and then I met Ana. Everything clicked into place. She was the missing piece of the puzzle…I was so fucking happy and we started planning things, getting excited about it…I was feeling like I knew in what direction I was heading in and I liked that, because I had Ana with me…but then suddenly the path changed…north was suddenly south and west was east…and I am lost. I am fucking lost Flynn…I can't seem to find my way back again and it terrifies the living shit out of me…I have never felt this out of control."

"What does Ana have to say about this?"

I sigh and bow my head. "She doesn't know. I treated her horribly…I treated her in a way that she doesn't deserve to be treated…because despite the fact that she is feeling hurt because of…well everything…she wanted to help me. She tried again and again to reach out and comfort me…she waited for almost two hours in the car until they let me go from the police station, she even tried to talk some sense into me and I replied in the most horrible way…and I didn't mean to I just said it without thinking about what my words would do to her…and while I was spitting out the words and I saw the hurt and rejection on her beautiful face I didn't stop…"

"What did you say to her?"

"First I told her several times to leave me alone because she wouldn't understand how I was feeling…I mean that was immature and insensitive because if someone knows how it feels when your father is fighting for his life it is Ana…" Pushing my hands against my eyes I take another moment to rearrange my thoughts. "But the worst of all was that I told her that she didn't really know me…that she didn't know how I really felt when I was sad and that she didn't know how many times I was let down and lost hope…but fuck John…she knows. If there is anyone who knows the real me it's her. And the amazing thing is that she understands because she has been through all that shit too. She doesn't judge…she simply listens, absorbs and comforts me without wanting anything back in return. It is just the way she is. From the first day she accepted me for me…and she has never treated me like I have treated her…" It is quiet for a long time. The only sound in the room is the sound of the rain hitting against the window.

Flynn nods and writes something in his notebook.

"I don't think I have ever asked you this before, but how old where you when you realized that your biological mother wasn't coming back for you? When did you realize that your mother had passed away?"

"I don't know…at first in the hospital I expected her to walk in there at any given moment, then the next thing I remember was living with my family…as you know I only found out last year that I even spend two month living with the Colliers. I don't even remember the visits from my mom and dad while I lived there…"

"Yes, but you probably didn't remember because you were too traumatized."

'Yes, and at first living with Grace and Carrick was confusing. Carrick was nice to me, he didn't yell and he didn't hit me and Grace smelled so nice and she didn't fall asleep on the floor. She cooked for me and she made sure I had always clean clothes. It was probably too overwhelmed by everything going on around me to really process everything that had happened. I don't think I thought a lot about Ella at that time, at least not that I'm aware of."

We are interrupted by the phone. "Excuse me Christian, I need to answer this, my assistant is only aloud to interrupt during a session in case of an emergency…"

The conversation doesn't take very long and before I know it Flynn is seated back in his creaking chair.

"Something urgent John?" I ask looking back at him from my spot on the floor.

He smiles at me before answering. "That was my assistant, informing me that Ana is seated in the waiting room in case you need her."

"Ana? My Ana is here?"

"Yes, but she also said that you didn't need to …" I don't let him finish but storm to the door and walk into the waiting area. Ana is standing in front of the window her back turned towards me.

"Ana?"

"Hi…" She turns around and gives me a little sad smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"What are you doing here baby?"

"I know how horrible these sessions can be and I just wanted to be here for you in case that you needed me…" She says motioning to Flynn's office. Something about her attitude is wrong though. Because even though she is smiling, it is a strained smile and she is trying to act nonchalant and casual but it is forced.

Her eyes are searching my face and I don't know what she is thinking right now. She probably thinks that I am going to lash out again. Her small smile starts to falter. "If you want I can go Christian…I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this." Anger flashes trough her eyes as she speaks.

"No…no please don't go…No god don't go…I need you…"

I engulf her in my arms and normally her body molds perfectly into mine, but this time she doesn't hug me back. She is aloof. _She is hurt._

A few minutes later Ana and I are both seated on the sofa facing Flynn who is filling Ana in on what we have discussed so far. What worries me slightly is that she hasn't touched me since she entered this room. She is sitting on the far end of the couch, her body slightly turned away from me. It hurts. But seeing the way I have treated her the last few days, it is a fucking miracle that she even wants to be in the same room with me.

She just nods as Flynn talks to her, showing no emotion whatsoever. Sometimes her brow furrows and every now and then the tiniest sigh leaves her lips.

"Do you have any questions so far Ana?" Flynn asks her kindly.

"No…I don't…" She whispers. "I came here in case Christian would need me. He needs to do all the talking and thinking." She adds.

"So Christian." Flynn swivels around in his chair and turns to face me. "We were discussing your mother. When did you really realize that she was gone?"

"Grace, is my mom…" I emphasize while glaring at Flynn. I clear my throat and brush my sweaty hands off on my pants. "I always had a picture from Ella in my room. It was there since I can remember. It was probably at the beginning while staying with Carrick and Grace that I pointed at it and looked at Grace. She told me that she was my mommy but that she was living with the angels in heaven. It confused me…I just didn't understand. Why would she want to live with the angels if she had me?"

"Did you feel any emotion? Did you feel sad or angry?"

"I don't know John…I was trying so fucking hard to fit in…I needed to be a good boy otherwise they would send me away…"

"And when you got older, did you ask your parents what happened to Ella?"

"No. Even though my parents never made it a secret that we were adopted, I never felt the need to ask them. I think I was thirteen when Carrick called me into his office and asked me if I had any questions about …her…Ella. I asked him what the cause was from her death. He told me she took and overdose…"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just sat there looking at my dad impassively trying to figure out what the hell had possessed him to adopt me…a bastard, the son of a whore."

"What did you feel?"

"Embarrassment…" I answer immediately.

Flynn stays quiet for a while, staring out of the window tapping his pen against his notebook.

"When you grief after losing someone important, the pain and emotional chaos that comes with the loss is one of the most difficult and at the same time the most important things you will experience in life. It helps you to get through the difficult things in life. But what is more important is the ways in which we cope with loss. It shapes you.

"However, when you try to avoid those feelings you don't want to have, you diminish the capacity to experience the feeling that make life worth living. Therefore you start focusing on other things…just to avoid feeling."

I quickly glance at Ana who is intently listening to what Flynn has to say. She has the saddest expression on her face. God, how I wish I could hold her and tell her how sorry I am…repeatedly. I turn my attention back to Flynn when he continues talking.

"When you learn how to grieve properly it is a crucial way to learn how to open up more fully to all of your feelings, and therefore, to all the good experiences that life has to offer. But it is difficult enough to feel that pain even when you know how to handle it, and frankly… I don't think you got the opportunity to grief. You 'got over it' so to speak, so that your feelings wouldn't cause trouble for you or anyone else for that matter."

Flynn's office is completely silent when he pauses briefly. Ana is staring towards the window. Her trembling body is the only thing indicating that she is affected.

"Grieving is not really about handling _losses_ at all. Grieving is about handling _ourselves_ when we are facing difficult situations. Each stage of the grieving process involves things you _need_ to do to provide yourself with the same open, compassionate, and supportive response you'd like to provide to others when something bad happens to them. Difficulties arise only when we somehow get stuck in one stage of the process." He looks up at me and folds his hands on top of his notebook.

"Do you understand what I am telling you Christian?"

"I don't know…" I answer truthfully. "I only want to feel better again. I want to feel that happiness again, I want to make things better with my wife. I don't want to hurt her." I ramble and look at my wife.

"You can't experience real joy if you can't feel sorrow; nor can you find happiness if you're busy running from sadness." Flynn replies softly.

"How do I achieve that?"

"Well like I said there are different stages to process grieving, but there is not an order or timetable for moving through this process. What I would advise you is to feel…actually let your feelings in. You got stuck along the way. At first you simply pushed those feelings aside…you wanted to fit it, you didn't want to cause trouble. Then when you grew up and got into that sick arrangement with that vile woman, you were taught not to feel or show any emotions at all. You probably taught yourself that a 'good' person wouldn't have the feelings or thoughts you were having. So the only way to deal with it was by retreating, showing anger, feeling guilty, but the only thing you accomplish when fighting the feelings of loss and grief is that you make yourself feel worse, you diminish your ability to cope with what happened."

I nod my head but inside I am terrified. How do I handle this? I don't even know where the fuck to start.

"Have you ever visited Ella's grave?"

"No…"

"Maybe you should…I can't tell you for sure, but it probably will give you some closure to what happened, when you see with your own eyes that your biological mother died…confront those feelings."

"I don't know if I am ready to do that Flynn…" I say shaking my head.

"I'm not saying to prepare the jet and leave this evening, I am telling you to consider it." He scribbles something down on his notebook and turns his attention back to me again. "I also would like you to keep up a journal where you write your feelings you find difficult to share with someone else." _Shit a journal?_

"I want you to allow to express your feelings physically. By that I mean, you should cry, shout or scream if you feel the need. Just be sure there is no one in the receiving end who could get hurt by your words or actions… Find something to pound…didn't you see that guy called Bastille?" Flynn is writing and talking to me and every so now and then he looks up from his notebook to gauge my reactions.

"It has been a while since I met with Bastille…" I say sullen.

"Make an appointment with him…" Flynn says sternly. "And finally, talk to Ana. But you have to accept her honesty with you when she thinks your feelings are overshadowing your decisions…"

Flynn turns his head to look at Ana who hasn't said one word the entire time. Her body is rigid and trembling.

"Ana?" She jumps a little as Flynn addresses her.

"Yes…" She whispers

"Do you have any questions or anything to add?"

"I don't have any questions John." She is fidgeting with the strap of her bag while her eyes are trained on her lap. "I do have something to add though, it is more something I need to get off my chest." She says after a while.

She is silent for what it seems and eternity. When a tear silently slides from her cheek I have to look away so I don't reach over to wipe it away. Quickly removing the tear herself with the back of her hand she moves on the couch and her sad blue eyes meet mine. She is trying incredibly hard to fight her emotions, and after taking a deep breath she starts talking.

"Christian, I want you to know that the reason I am here is because of Nana…when you left I asked Sawyer to drive me to my grandparent's house. Nana was delighted at first but when I told her the reason I was really there…" She stops talking and just stares at me.

"Why did you go and see Nana…you said you were going to visit my dad in the hospital and work for a while…"

"I asked Nana if I could stay with them for a couple of days, because I needed to get away from you…" Suddenly her bottom lips starts trembling and she breaks out crying.

"What do you mean…where you planning on leaving me?" _Oh fuck. She wants to leave me. Oh fuck no…no…no…_

"For a couple of days…yes…" She says sobbing.

"But you can't leave me Ana…"

"And you can't treat me like you have treated me these last few days…it was like I was nothing to you…you disrespected me time and time again!" She yells cutting me off. Burying her head in her hands she takes a couple of breaths and looks at me again.

"I understand pain, grief, loneliness and I understand if you need space. But what I don't understand, is the way you treated me. I don't think I deserved that. I really don't…"

"You are right Ana, you don't deserve that, any of it. I was …"

"When you are mad Christian, your ego takes over and well you have an enormous ego…you walk right over me, not even thinking about what your words or actions are causing. You are only thinking about yourself and it is so extremely hard to see you turning into that man, because contrary of what you said to me in the car, I do know you. I. do. Know. You." She stresses the words while staring straight into my eyes. She isn't crying anymore. She is unwavering, angry and disappointed. She clears her throat and straightens her shoulders. "Let me tell you this Christian, the next time you treat me like that again, I will leave you." When I start opening my mouth she holds her tiny hand in the air, stopping me. "I am not saying that I will leave you forever, because I promised you I wouldn't, but I will leave for me…" She points at her chest and shakes her head sadly. "I won't accept that kind of behavior again."

"I promise…I really promise Ana…" Her eyes soften a little and then she clears her throat again. "And one more thing. If you get arrested again, I won't call your lawyer, Taylor won't call your lawyer, nobody will call your freaking lawyer. What you did in the hospital was…" She looks around her trying to find the correct word. "Despicable…I was ashamed of what you did…if it had not been for you dad having surgery at that moment, fighting for his life and your mother who desperately needed you… I would have left you there to spend the night." I believe her immediately. And she is right. I deserved that.

"I promise you Ana…I won't behave like that again."

She nods her head curtly and turns back to look at Flynn.

Back in the car I hold Ana's hand as if it where my lifeline. And it somehow is. Without her I wouldn't even be sitting here. I wouldn't even be considering keeping that stupid journal or visiting Ella's grave.

 _I need to feel_. In a nutshell what Flynn told me was that I need to feel everything. A fucking hard thing to do, if not impossible when I always tried not to feel. At first it was trying to fit in the perfect family. Looking back at that time I think the only times I cried was when I was angry or frustrated and totally out of control. I never cried when I hurt myself. Ever. I always thought I deserved that pain. Later, when I stepped into that sick arrangement with Elena it was the pain of the punishments I welcomed. Because that's what she taught me. Love was worthless, love was a stupid illusion and ludicrous emotion. I didn't need to feel out of place in school or like the outsider being with my family. I wasn't considered to feel any emotion when I was with her.

I squeeze Ana's hand softly and slowly she turns to face me. She is crying silently.

"She told me that emotions…" I clear my throat and scoop closer to Ana after I unbuckle my seatbelt. "Elena, told me that I wasn't supposed to show any emotions, that my emotions where totally irrelevant because they were entwined with my fucked up ness."

The tears start streaming faster and this time I wipe them away with my handkerchief. "My parents…I don't blame them, but they never encouraged me either…every time they would sit down with me after I got into a fight or some other stupid thing and they asked me why I did it…I just shrugged. I pushed them away, I never opened up to them. I never told them that I felt like a misfit in school, I never told them that I was laughed at or that they called me names…I shut every feeling out, because I truly thought that it was what I deserved. I know it isn't an excuse for how I treated you, because I know that even if I would apologize until I am blue in the face it doesn't lessen the hurt I caused you…but when things pile up…I explode and I lash out…"

Ana is now sobbing uncontrollably. Her head is leaning against my shoulder, her hand gripping tightly on to mine.

"Please, forgive me Ana…I promise I will do everything that Flynn told me to do…I am going to do it for us…"

She nods her head and when she looks up at me with her teary face and those broken eyes…I break down too.

Unbuckling her seatbelt Ana climbs on my lap and takes my face in her hands. She is trying to wipe my tears away with her thumbs and brushing my hair from my fore head.

"I…understand if you need the space…it would kill me, but I understand if you can't stand being near me right now because of the way I treated you…I will understand if you want to stay with your grandparents Ana…"

Ana buries her head in the crook of my neck and shakes her head no. While holding me tight she cries. Her petit body shaking and trembling. Wrapping my arms around her waist I bury my head against her neck and try to give her as much comfort as possible.

Leaning back and cradling my face she kisses me softly. "Nana…Nana was so upset…she said that I was running away and that even though I was always welcome in their home, that I needed to solve things with you first. That running away would only make things worse." She takes a deep breath and wipes her nose with her sleeve.

"She told me that from what you told her about your upbringing that you probably never learned how to respect yourself and that a part of respecting yourself is to learn how to handle your emotions." She gives me another kiss and smiles sadly.

"I just learned how to respect myself Christian. You know to take care of myself, to look at me…and I…you disrespected me Christian…I just couldn't accept it. That's why I ran to my grandparents."

"I know…" I croak. "And I am so sorry Ana, because you don't deserve it…any of it. Please, please forgive me. I will do anything you ask me to do."

"I forgive you…" She says looking at me. "I forgive you because I love you Christian Grey."

"Will you help me with the arrangements to visit my…Ella's grave? I don't think I can do that alone."

She stills for a moment and then nods her head. "I will do anything for you…" She replies planting little kisses all over my face.

"My parents have all the information about… well everything. Will you talk to them?" I ask her.

"As soon as your dad is released from the hospital and he feels better I will ask him okay? And then I will wait until you tell me that you are ready to put things in motion."

"Thank you…"

"Taylor will you ask Bastille to come into my office every day at noon and let Andrea know to rearrange my schedule to fit Bastille in."

"Certainly Sir." Taylor briefly looks at me via the rearview mirror and nods his head.

* * *

"Christian…Christian wake up…" The voice is soft and so comforting. Soft hands are caressing my face and softly scraping my scalp. Then the softest lips touch my fore head. It is Ana. _She didn't leave._

"Baby…" Opening my eyes I am met with the most beautiful sight. My wife.

"Hey…did you sleep well?" She is sitting on the side of the bed still wearing that sexy sweater.

"Yeah, I did…what time is it?" Siting up I lean against the headboard and hold Ana's hand tightly in mine.

"It's almost dinner time. Uhm…everyone is here since your mom wanted to spend some time alone with your dad. Besides I think your dad was feeling a little overwhelmed."

"How is he?" I rub my thumb against her knuckles, knowing how much she loves this. This gives her comfort. This makes her feel save.

"Considering that he just had a mayor heart surgery he is doing well. He is groggy though…he got very emotional when your mom explained what had happened, he didn't remember anything."

"Did he get that room?"

"Yes, he did and we even arranged an extra bed for your mom…she will be staying with him until he is released. Melissa asked if she could stay with us, and I agreed."

"Of course…when does school start?"

"Tomorrow…and since it is closer to Escala then from Elliot and Megan's apartment I think it is for the best if she stays with us until your dad is ready to go home."

"Does she have everything she needs here? Did you set up her room?"

"Everything is taken care of. Sawyer picked up her things from Bellevue and I prepared her room."

"Thank you baby…" Her brow furrows slightly creating that cute V.

"You don't need to thank me Christian, she is my sister too…I…I…" She shakes her head as if she is trying to shake the thoughts away.

"Why don't you take a shower, dinner will be ready in twenty minutes or so…"

Ana starts standing up from the bed, but I need to make sure that we are going to be all right.

"Ana…" I tighten my hold on her hand making it impossible for her to move. "Ana…are we good?"

The sad smile is again on her face. "I love you Christian…I love you so much…and I just want to say that maybe I shouldn't have pushed you so much, but I wanted desperately to help you, to be there for you…you looked so hurt and so sad."

"I'm sorry…it was too much and the irony is that I didn't want to hurt you by sharing my sadness and hurt…"

"Don't ever apologize for being sad Christian." She says lovingly. "I really know how difficult it is, but try to do what Flynn suggested…try to respect your emotions and try not to feel ashamed of doing that. And it doesn't matter what the reason of your sadness or hurt is…it is important and valid. Try to express it and to feel it. Please know that I am here for you…and if you don't want to discuss it with me then I will understand, because you have this great, wonderful and loving family who loves you." She leans closer and pushes her lips against my fore head lingering a little longer than usual.

"Ana…you do know me…you are the only one who really knows me and I am sorry I said that to you…"

"I know…but never again Christian."

"Never…I promise."

"Will you please lay with me for five minutes? I promise I won't touch you…I just want to feel your body against mine…" I plead.

Without saying a word Ana cuddles up against me. Her head tucked under my chin, her leg wrapped around mine and her arms holding my waist.

We lay like this for a while. It is peaceful and soothing. "Where are you going…I still have a few minutes…" I mutter when I feel Ana trying to step out of our bed.

"I want to share something with you…just give me a minute." She climbs over my lap to her side of the bed and takes one of the books.

She begins flipping the pages until she finds the page she is looking for. Then she crawls closer to me and takes my hand into hers. Her eyes are shining with love.

"This is a passage from the book "The Velveteen Rabbit".

I nod my head, silently urging her to continue.

 _"What is REAL?" the Velveteen Rabbit asked the Skin Horse one day. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"_

 _"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."_

 _"Does it hurt?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit._

 _"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."_

 _"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. But once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."_

When Ana finishes she closes the book and stares at me. Her thumb is now caressing my knuckles.

"I think that what the writer was trying to say among other things, is that being loved sometimes hurts. And even though we do our utmost not to deliberately hurt the ones we love, the truth is, we unintentionally hurt the ones we love…and they hurt us, because our hearts are exposed the most to one another."

"It's beautiful Ana…thank you for sharing that with me…" She smiles her beautiful smiles and leans closer to me and kisses me.

"Your five minutes are up Mr. Grey…" Ana laughs. "I will see you in a few minutes okay?"

After Ana leaves the room I lie in bed for a while thinking about the Velveteen Rabbit ... one sentence in particular keeps popping up in my head: "… _But once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."_

I want to be REAL.

* * *

 **The passage that Ana reads to Christian is from the book The Velveteen Rabbit, written by Margery Williams.**


	18. Chapter 18 Singing in the rain

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 18 – Singing in the rain**

 **CPOV**

"If it isn't the Sleeping beauty." Elliot hollers from the kitchen where he is leaning against the counter. Casually flipping him off I make my way to the refrigerator and get myself a bottle of water.

"You look like shit Elliot." I say before I take a drink of the water.

"Yeah, I guess that's what not sleeping does to a person."

"Didn't you get any sleep at all?" I make my way towards Ana who is now stirring in some pan at the stove. "Smells delicious baby…" I quickly peck her cheek and turn my attention back to my brother who has moved to the table and is now sitting next to Megan.

"Just a couple of hours on that couch in the hospital. But fuck I was constantly hearing mom nagging dad about his eating habits."

"Yeah, I have to admit it was pretty awful. Grace was talking away and the more she talked the more your dad's face fell." Megan says.

"How so?" I ask.  
"Well…" Elliot swallows and leans back in his chair a wicked grin on his mouth. "Mom was acting like a freaking doctor, she wasn't his wife…nope…she was pacing his room with his chart in her hands…" Elliot clears his throat and starts to mimic our mother. "Carry, from now on you will need to avoid foods in high saturated fat such as butter, cream, cheese, creamy sauces, pastries and croissants, as well as fatty meats such as sausages, pâtés, pies and salami. And it is relatively easy to avoid foods high in saturated fat such as butter, but avoiding trans-fats is more complicated."

"Dad then said…Gracie what are trans-fats…"

"Then mom replied…clearly annoyed I might add…Oh Carry. They tend to be found in cheap margarines used by the catering industry in pastries, cakes and biscuits, and in processed foods such as pies."

"Yeah, I think that dad wanted to crawl out of that bed…he looked mortified." Melissa shakes her head in annoyance.

"Grace is right." Ana says softly. "Carrick will have to change his eating habits. But there are still a lot of things he can eat though."

"Where is Mia?" I ask looking around the table.

"She was here when I went to wake you…" Ana starts and takes a bite of her food.

"She is acting weird…" Elliot says looking troubled.

"She has been acting this way since she returned from Paris…" I add. "When she arrived in the hospital she spend the first hour crying and being completely catatonic…it was after mom woke up that she started talking a bit. But not like her usual self…"

"I can only imagine how hard it has to be to live so far away and to hear that your dad has been admitted to the hospital." Ana says. "Maybe she needs some time."

"I'm meeting her this Friday. She wanted to talk about her business plan. Maybe I can get her to talk to me." I say in no one in particular. _Because somehow I think something is wrong with my sister._

"So at what time do I have to take you to school tomorrow Mel?" I ask my little sister who is annoyingly playing with the food on her plate instead of actually eating something.

Her head snaps in my direction. She seems horrified at my question.

"You are so not taking me to school tomorrow." She says adamantly. I motion with my eyes at her plate, silently telling her to eat.

"And why not? It is too far to walk and the bus will take you forever to get there. You can ride with Ana and me on our way to work." I decide.

I mean, it is the easiest and most efficient way. And sure it is a huge detour, but the idea of my sister taking public transportation to school is abhorrent, unnecessary and absolutely out of the fucking question. I want to see for myself that she actually walks into that building. Ideally, I would accompany her to her class and maybe even have a little chat with her teacher, but I know that I would be taking things a bit too far.

"Because you are my brother and it is totally uncool when your older brother takes you to school." She says irritated.

"I can be cool…" I mutter. _Sam says I'm cool!_

"You are so right." Ana pipes up looking at Melissa. "It would be totally uncool if Christian took you to school."

Ana just stares at me daring me to argue.

"And why is that?"

"Because Christian…it just is…" She adds with an eye roll. _Freaking eye rolling._

"I can take you." Elliot grins and shoves a mouthful of food in his mouth.

"Ugh…no…just no…neither of you needs to take me to school. Jeez I'm twelve not two!" Melissa says exasperated.

"Then I'll pick you up…"

"No! I don't want you to take me or to pick me up from school Christian."

"But why not?"

"Let's just say that patience is not one of your fortes…" Ana points with her fork in my direction and then slowly moves to look at Elliot. "Well and if Elliot would take you or pick you up, you are guaranteed of a complete show…he will do anything to humiliate you."

Melissa just looks at me her eyebrow slightly raised with an 'I told you so' look on her face. _Yeah, yeah, yeah._

"I have an idea…" Ana says brightly. Taking a sip from her wine she watches me over the rim of her wine glass, her eyes silently forcing me to cooperate. "Christian has a point Melissa, taking the bus to school would take you too long to get there, it is too far sweetie. So I was thinking…you can ride with us and we will drop you a few blocks from school so that you can walk by yourself. How does that sound?"

"I guess that would be okay…" Melissa shrugs looking around at the table.

"And then when school finishes someone, as in Taylor or Sawyer will be waiting for you at the same spot." Ana adds quickly.

"Can I go and visit dad in the hospital after school?"

"Sure, just be sure to keep your phone with you at all times. And if you decide to change plans make sure to text or call me or Christian. And if you want to have friends come over here after school, that's totally fine." Ana says casually.

"Except if that friend is a boy…" Elliot adds looking at Ana. Shit I actually never thought of that. I need to make sure to tell Taylor that if she ever brings a boy home I will need to be informed immediately.

"If that friend is a boy…then you will stay here in the kitchen or in the living room where Gail can see you." Ana gives me the same look back. _Discussion closed._

 **APOV**

"Are you sure you don't want another pancake?" Christian says to Melissa. He is sipping his coffee while checking his e-mail.

"Yeah, I'm sure…" Poor girl, she is so incredibly nervous to start the first day in school. She is fidgeting with her napkin and she could barely eat the one pancake.

"Do you have everything you need?" Christian say and this time he places his phone on the counter.

"I think so…yeah…" Melissa replies.

"Is your phone charged?" Christian asks this time. I watch Melissa taking a deep sigh.

"Yes, Christian…my phone is charged…just like you told me ten times already." Her eyes nervously drift to Christian who is just watching her.

"I'm sorry okay…" She apologizes. "But you already told me yesterday before I went to sleep. And I also won't forget to call you or Ana immediately if something comes up." I see the tears brimming in her eyes and I think Christian sees it to.

"What up Mel…" He shoves his stool closer to hers and tugs carefully at her chin so that she has to look at him. She is pouting sadly and fighting the tears.

"Are you nervous to start in your new school?"

She shrugs lamely. "Then what is bothering you?" Christian is acting really sweet.

"It's just…I don't know…I guess I am a little nervous. I hope that I can make friends soon…and I am also worried about dad…" A tears glides from her cheek onto the countertop. "DO you think it is my fault Christian?"

"You mean if it is your fault that dad had to have that surgery?"

Melissa nods her head and wipes the tears from her face. "No, it is definitely not your fault Mel…I don't know if you heard what Elliot said yesterday, but it seems that dad suffers from is hereditary. His father had it too."

It seems as if Melissa isn't even listening because before Christian is finished talking, she start coming up with different kind of reasons. "Yes, but dad takes me to IHOP a lot of times, and also to that special bakery…and he doesn't only eats his cake, but mine too if I don't finish it…and…and he has all that chocolate in his office…and mom…she doesn't know and I knew and now…"

"Hey…come here…" Christian pulls Melissa against his chest and hold the back of her head with his hand.

"You listen to me carefully Melissa, because it is not your fault. Dad is a grown man and he knows exactly what he is doing. And mom may not know about the chocolate in his office, but she does know about IHOP and the visits you guys make to that little bakery…It is not your fault. DO you believe me?"

"Promise?" She whispers against Christian's chest.

"I promise…" Christian kisses her temple and smiles at her. "Now, I want you to make me a promise too okay?" His eyes quickly dart to mine, but it is very brief. He swallows visibly and then starts speaking.

"I want you to promise me to talk to us when something is bothering you…don't keep it inside okay? You don't have to feel…ashamed or weird about what you are feeling or thinking. But if it is troubling you please tell us okay?"

"Okay…" Melissa whispers. "I promise…"

"Good, now why don't you wash that pretty face of yours. Taylor is already waiting."

Half an hour later we drop Melissa a few blocks from school like promised. "She will be all right…" I say squeezing Christian's hand.

"How is your schedule for today?" I ask trying to get his mind from his sister.

"This morning it's jam packed…and I also have an appointment with Bastille at noon. Why do you ask baby, did you have something in mind?"

"I was thinking, it has been a while since we went to see the house you know…maybe if you have time we can drive up there and see what they have done so far…and then afterwards we can drive to the hospital to visit your dad…"

"I would love that…Elliot said that if everything goes as planned, we might be able to move in before Christmas…"

"Really…? Oh my god Christian but there is still so much we need to do…I mean the kitchen and the bathrooms and…"

"Just relax baby…" Christian says soothingly. "According to Elliot the interior designer is one of the best. He has never met the woman, but he heard amazing stories. Why don't I ask Andrea to make an appointment with her and we can meet with her this afternoon? Would you like that?"

"But Christian, we don't even know what we want …I mean…I don't even know how it works with an interior designer…"

Christian smiles and kisses my fore head. "Don't stress about it okay? It will be okay. Just wait until this afternoon and what she has to say, maybe she has tips and then we go from there…what do you say?"

I want to say that it is overwhelming, that I am not used in working with interior designers and that it scares the hell out of me. But I don't, instead I just nod feebly and decide to go along with this craziness.

* * *

I let out a sigh of relief as the door closes behind Mike. After three hours discussing monthly figures, new authors and the release of our first E-book, I honestly can say that it is time for a little break. I look at my watch and see that it is past noon. Hmm, didn't Christian mention that he had an appointment with Bastille?

Immediately shaking those thought away I opt for having lunch at the nearby lunchroom. I know what will happen if I find Christian sweaty and working out and I am really not considering in having sex with him anytime soon. I forgave him, but I haven't forgotten.

"Ana, I could get lunch for you if you like?" Sawyer is walking right beside me when I leave the building. "I know Sawyer." I say quickly looking up at him. "I just need to get away for a while…clear my head."

He nods his head and remains walking a few feet behind me.

After a short drive to Pike Place Market we enter Starbucks. I quickly order an iced caramel macchiato and a double chocolate brownie and make my way to the table at the far end. Sawyer, takes a seat a few tables further away after having ordered a coffee for himself. His eyes are constantly scanning the place. So far, no paparazzi's lurking around to get a picture of me drinking coffee. _Pathetic._

Engrossed in my book, I don't even notice that someone is standing beside me, until I feel a hand on my arm.

"Jesus Kate…you scared me to death!"

"Sorry" She apologizes. "But I called you twice…guess that it's a really good book?"

"Yeah, it actually is." I close the book and put it back in my bag and motion for her to sit down.

Watching Kate closely I see that she is faking her smile.

"You don't mind?" She looks nervous. And it is so unlike Kate.

"No, Kate please sit down. What's wrong? Have you been crying?"

Very unlike Kate she slumps down in the chair opposite of me and lets out a huge breath. Tears are starting to pool in her eyes. She looks absolutely broken.

"Mike told me that you took the day of to visit your OBGYN?" I look at her swollen belly and then back at her.

She nods and fumbles with the coffee mug in front of her. "Is there something wrong Kate?" She looks intensely sad. There is actually nothing left of the happy, outgoing and assertive Kate I met all those years ago.

"No" She says now looking up at me for the first time. "It was just a regular checkup."

"Then what is it?

"When I arrived at the hospital Greg's mother was there waiting for me. Greg couldn't make it because of an appointment that came up and she showed up…"

Avoiding my eyes she takes a sip of her coffee. "He always goes with me you know…"

"It's all right Kate, you don't have to defend him. You told me the other day that things were going quiet well between you two…"

She smiles and nods her head. "He is really sweet you know…I can see that he really cares for me and for the baby…"

"But his mother…?"

"His mother is a bitch Ana…" _And there is Kate._ Her eyes meet mine and I see desperation and a flash of anger. For a brief moment I have my friend back. But that anger disappears as soon as it came and it is replaced by that intense sadness again.

"What's wrong with his mother besides being a bitch?"

"She is horrible Ana. She is nice and sweet and the perfect mother when other people are present. But when I am alone with her, she doesn't mince her words. She accused me of getting pregnant on purpose." Kate's eyes drift off to a point on the table and then she laughs nervously. "Well we both know how wrong she is about that right?" Shame passes through her eyes when we look at each other.

"I had a lot of time to think about what happened and how I initially reacted when I found out I was pregnant. But I promise you Ana that I am really happy with my baby…I can't wait to meet him. And even though things at the beginning where hard I eventually got there with the help of my parents, Ethan and Greg. But she is constantly criticizing and insulting me…I can't seem to do anything right."

"What has Gregg to say about that?"

"He doesn't know…" She whispers. "He adores his mother, and she can't do anything wrong in his eyes…"

"You need to tell him Kate. If you want your relationship with him to grow into something…more, you have to be honest with him. About everything."

"I was once alone in his apartment, when she came by unexpectedly. At first she was polite but then she mentioned that his apartment had been decorated by his former girlfriend and that even when things didn't work out between them, she was still silently hoping for a reconciliation."

"Oh Kate…"

"Yeah, the next time we were invited to his parents' house for dinner…guess who was there?"

"His ex-girlfriend" I state.

"Yup, and his mother made sure that Gregg was seated beside her…it was humiliating."

"Are you in love with him?"

"Yes…I am…"

"Have you told him?" I ask silently.

She huffs at my question and shakes her head. Her strawberry blond curls swaying around her face. "No I haven't…he can be so sweet at times and then something happens and he acts like a complete asshole." _Typical male behavior._

"Well I think you should talk to him Kate. Explain your feelings for him and you should definitely tell him how his mother treats you."

She nods slowly while caressing her bump. "How many weeks are you now?" I ask casually. A pang of hurt rips through my body while I see her caressing her bump. I wonder how it is to feel your baby growing inside you. "I'm 34 weeks." Kate replies and stares at me for the longest time.

"I'm sorry Ana…it must be incredibly hard for you."

I swallow past the lump building in my throat and force myself to look at Kate. "It is Kate. But I try to stick to the fact that it does not need to happen again and that we will hopefully get pregnant again."

She nods understandingly and attempts to stand up from the rather low chair. We both fall into a fit of laughter when she keeps falling back in the chair. "Come on Ana, help me out here!" She says laughing.

"Do you actually know what you are having?" I ask taking both of her hands in mine and pulling her up.

It is only the briefest moment that I see the old Kate reflected in a smirk. "I do…" Flicking her hair over her shoulder she sighs. "That was another argument I had with Gregg's mother. She said that there wasn't any need in knowing the babies gender. When I was twenty weeks pregnant I had an appointment scheduled to find out the sex of the baby. She, Gregg's mother, decided on the last minute to come with me. She decided there and then that we didn't want to know…can you believe that. She just told the doctor that we wanted to be surprised."

"And where was Gregg?"

"He wasn't there. He couldn't make it due to a last minute court meeting. He always goes with me though…"

"Anyway, after we left the hospital I drove her back to her house and then I called my OBGYN and asked her if she could tell me…and she did…" Kate is beaming.

"I am having a little boy…" She whispers the last part.

"Wow…" I whisper while looking at her belly. "A boy…that is wonderful Kate."

"Well my little boy is restless today…" She places her hand on the side of her belly grimacing. "Is he moving right now?" I ask. Very quickly that dream I had a few days before I had the miscarriage flashes through my head. That was a little boy…a little boy who looked just like Christian. I sometimes wonder…

"He moves all the time…do you want to feel it?" Kate pulls me out of my dream with her question.

"Okay…" I whisper back. Kate shuffles in my direction and guides my hand to the side of her belly. "Here…" She says. And that's when I feel something brushing against my hand. "Oh Kate, that's amazing…I felt something brushing against my hand…" I don't look at Kate while talking, I am too enthralled by this. _God, this is really amazing._

"Do you have names picked out yet?" Reluctantly I pry my eyes and hands off her belly and see her smirk.

"God, that was another argument…she even has names picked out for us…the most horrible names though…Gregg agrees with me thank god."

"What did she suggest?"

"Oh Ana it was more than a suggestion…but anyway…she said Katherine, it this baby is a girl she is going to be called Ethel after my mother, and if it is a baby boy he is going to be called Archibald."

We are laughing and giggling about those weird names when the sound of my phone makes us both jump up a little. It's Christian. "I'm sorry Kate, I need to take it or he won't stop calling."

"Hey…"

"Hi baby...where are you?"

"Starbucks…"

"Why?"

"I needed to get away for a while and I was in desperate need of some coffee…"

He is silent for a while and I can almost see the insecurity on his face. _He thinks I am going to leave him._

"When are you coming back?" He says after clearing his throat.

"As soon as I finish my brownie…and what are you doing?" I ask as cheerful as possible.

"I just finished my workout with Bastille and was hoping that you would join me for lunch."

"I'm sorry Christian…I just needed some fresh air…"

"It's okay…will I you see later?"

"Of course…see you later Christian…I love you…"

"Yeah, love you too Ana…" Neither of us hangs up and then I hear him sigh.

"Ana…are…are you thinking about leaving me…you know like you mentioned yesterday?"

"No…I am not. I already told you so Christian…"

"Okay…" I can hear his relief.

"Look this isn't a very good time to talk about it…Kate is sitting here with me. I see you in a bit Christian. Goodbye."

"Bye baby." I disconnect our call and push my phone in my bag.

I smile. Then I turn my attention to Kate. "Take care of yourself Kate and talk to Greg about what is bothering you?" I say motioning to her belly.

Kate nods smiling. "I will. And thank you for listening and making me laugh Ana."

 **CPOV**

While I was talking with the overseer I saw Ana walking upstairs. I find her in one of the rooms. This should have been the nursery. We both knew the moment we first saw the house…the room is right across from the master bedroom. It is spacious and light and has the same view of the Sound as our bedroom. This would be the perfect room for a child.

Ana is sitting on the large built in window seat, her head leaning against the window. Probably staring at the rain. Her hair is falling into soft curls down her slender back.

Even though it is not even three in the afternoon, the weather is extremely gray and dull.

There is a loud rumbling sound in the distance and a flash of lightning is visible in the distance above The Sound. I expect Ana to jump up, but on the contrary; she sighs contently and leans her back against the wall a little smile on her lips.

"You are not afraid of thunder?"

"Jesus Christian, you scared me…" Her hand flies to her chest. "But no, I am definitely not afraid of thunder." She giggles. She coops forward on the windowsill and I immediately sit behind her wrapping my arms around her tiny waist. "I used to be afraid of thunder…" She says holding my hands. "But then one summer when I was staying with grandma Steele and it started thundering in the middle of the night she came to my room where I was hiding under the covers…she crawled in bed with me and told me that there was nothing to be afraid of, that thunder was just the noise that God was making while he was moving the furniture."

I chuckle and kiss her head. "I believed her you know and it made perfect sense to me back then…I just imagined God moving around and rearranging his magnificently large sofas and armchairs."

She shrugs and starts playing with my fingers.

"How about you? Where you afraid of thunder when you were little?"

"Yeah, I was. I was staying with Grandpa and Grandma Trevelyan…I still didn't talk but my grandpa always treated me as if that was normal. He would tell me all kinds of stories. Anyway, I hid in one of the kitchen cabinets. It was during the day and when my grandfather eventually found me he told me that the thunder happened every time two clouds shared a good laugh."

"Aww I like that one too." Ana looks at me turning clumsily and straddles me. "What would you tell our children…?" Ana is brushing with her finger against my lip. Her eyes are dreamy and a bit shiny.

"I would tell them that the clouds were having a good laugh, because God was rearranging his furniture…"

"I like that…" She sighs and places her head against my chest. "You are going to be the perfect daddy…you know that?" My heart fills with warmth at her sweet remark. It boggles me that even though I keep fucking things up between us, she is still so confident about my abilities of becoming a father.

"And you my sweet Anastasia are going to be the perfect mommy…" I kiss the top of her head and ask her the question that has been bothering me the entire afternoon.

"So, how was Starbucks? Did you enjoy your time away?" I don't mean to sound so stiff, but somehow there is a lump building in my stomach and I need to talk to her about this. The insecurity is eating away at me.

"It was nice…Kate was there too…we talked for a while."

"Did you go there so that you didn't bump into me at work?" I ask her the question that has been bothering me since I talked to her this afternoon.

"No…I don't know…" Sitting up straight she looks at me for the longest time. "I meant it when I said yesterday that I had forgiven you, but that doesn't mean that I've forgotten about it. Christian, it was a clusterfuck of issues and insults…I need time to process what you said and why you said it." I sigh and lean my head against the small wall. "Look at me Christian." She says when I don't look at her immediately. I do as I am told and I see her smiling sympathetically. "I love you Christian, and I understand your issues about anger and grief now a lot better after yesterday's session…"

"But…"

"But…I need to trust you again. I need to regain that amount of confidence that you aren't going to turn into that horrible man again when things don't go as you want." She pecks me lightly on my lips and her face turns serious.

"Do you trust me Christian?"

"Yes." I reply immediately. And I do trust her, I just don't trust myself.

"Then you have to believe that I won't leave you. Even if I need some time by myself, it's just that…time by myself. I promised you that I would be there for you and I am…"

"Okay…" I hug her tighter and enjoy her body against mine.

"Have you ever kissed in the rain?" She says after a few minutes of silence.

"No…have you?" She tilts her head from my chest and rolls her eyes snorting. "No…I have never kissed in the rain." A wicked gleam crosses her blue eyes when she suddenly climbs of my lap and starts tugging at my hand. "Come…lets go kiss in the rain then…oh and dance I also want to dance" Her face is bright and her smile is beautiful.

"Ana…I don't think that is a good idea…you could get sick…"

"Oh come on grumpy old man…I want to kiss my man in the rain…" She pouts and bats her eyelashes.

"Did you just call me grumpy old man?" I slowly stand from the window while Ana takes a few steps back. She starts squealing and runs out of the room in the direction of the stairs. "Race you old man…" She yells. _Apparently I'm deaf too._

I hear her footsteps on the stairs and her little yelps. The workers all look up from what they are doing and shake their heads smiling.

I breathe a sigh of relief when she jumps on the ground floor and turns back to look at me. "Little stiff in the hips?" She yells and makes her way to the French doors that lead to the garden.

"Oops sorry…" I hear her say when she collides with one of the workers. "Careful there little lady…" the man grunts.

Ana is standing in the middle of our garden her head facing towards the sky, her arms spread in front of her. Her long hair is now stuck against her pretty face and her long, black and white dress is clinging to her body. And as much as I would like to reprimand her, because she can get sick…I don't. Because now at this moment she looks incredibly content and happy. And if my girl wants to kiss and dance in the rain, then we will kiss and dance in the rain.

"So grumpy old man huh?" I growl in her ear when I scoop her up in my arms.

Giggling uncontrollably she wraps her arms around my neck and sighs. "Yeah, but you are still incredibly handsome, sweet, sexy…"

"Hot headed…" I add.

"Uhm…yeah that too…but mostly sweet though and cute…" She smiles sweetly and crinkles her nose.

"Cute? Ana…a guy most definitely doesn't want to be called cute…handsome yes, sweet another yes…but cute baby? Babies are cute…you could call me sex on legs though I could totally live with that…"

"Oh shut up you extremely-handsome-hot-headed-sweet-sex-on-legs man and kiss me…"

"We aim to please…"

For the next ten minutes we kiss, dance and sing. Actually it is Ana who is singing lustily and totally off key.

 _I'm singin' in the rain  
Just singin' in the rain  
What a glorious feelin'  
I'm happy again.  
I'm laughing at clouds.  
So dark up above  
The sun's in my heart  
And i'm ready for love._

When I finally can get Ana to move back to the house Taylor is standing in what has to become the living room with that rare smile on his face and two blankets in his hands.

"I will drive you home Sir to change clothes before I drive you to the hospital."

"That was fun huh?" Ana's eyes are shining and she has the brightest smile on her face. The smile hasn't left her face since we left the house. Taylor drove us back to Escala where we took showers separately and now we are in the hospital.

"Yeah, I particularly liked the part when you started singing…" She blushes and entwines our fingers together while we make our way to my dad's room.

Melissa is standing outside my dad's room. Earbuds in leaning against the wall sulking.

"Hey Mel…" Ana hugs her and kisses her cheek. "Why the sad face?"

"God, dad is the worst patient ever…he is grumpy and rude…"

"Yeah, well…" Ana cuts her off and pulls the earbuds from her ears. "I think he is entitled in being a little grumpy don't you think?"

Melissa shrugs and places her earbuds in her ear. "Melissa you are being rude…" Ana admonishes her. She pulls the earbuds from her ears again and looks at her sternly. Wow, this is a side of Ana I have never seen before.

"Can we go in, or is there a nurse in there?" Ana says still clearly annoyed with Melissa's rude behavior.

Embarrassed Melissa looks at Ana and looks down at her feet. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" She says uncomfortable. "Alone?" She looks at me and blushes.

"Sure…here or do you want to wait until we get home?"

"Home…" Melissa answers. "I'll wait here for you until you guys are ready to leave."

I hesitate with my hand on the door handle. God, I hope my dad doesn't look all to sick.

"Christian, Ana!" My dad looks actually happy to see us when I enter the room. Ana is at my side and she walks to the bed and kisses my dad's cheek. "Hey Carrick, you look much better then yesterday." Ana's eyes are looking at the heart monitor and the IV in his arm.

"I feel a bit better." He says. "I would appreciate it if they would give my underwear though…it is quiet chilly this way…" Ana's eyes widen in horrification and she quickly takes a step back making her bump with my mom. "Oh god. Grace I'm sorry…I didn't see you…"

"Hello sweetheart…" My mother engulfs Ana in a hug and pats her back lovingly.

"Christian…"

"Hi mom…you look a little tired. Why don't you go home tonight and I stay here with dad."

"No, totally out of the question. I am staying here until your father is discharged. Do you understand that Christian Trevelyan Grey?" I cringe at the mention of my full name.

"Yes ma'am…"

"Good, now that we have that out of the way, we need to have a little chat about what was in the newspaper the other day. Christian, what in God's name were you thinking _?" Breathe woman! Breathe…_

"Well, it is just that mom…I wasn't thinking…"

"Gracie let it go…the kid has been through hell and back." My mother hesitates for a moment. She looks at my dad and then at me. She then starts fumbling with the sheets and muttering things under her breath. _Somehow I know that this isn't the end of this conversation._

* * *

I really have no clue whatsoever what Ana and Melissa are talking about. Right after we had diner Ana and my sister disappeared in the guestroom. They closed the door and now one hour later the door remains closed. Melissa has been cranky and closed off the entire time. Answering with only a yes or a no or a shrug. Shrugging seems to be her favorite. I decide to shower and like the nosy bastard I am I lean with my ear against the guestroom door. _They are giggling!_

"Ana…I'm going to shower!" I bounce at the door and wait for her reply.

"Just give me ten minutes!" She shouts back.

When I walk into our bedroom from my shower with only a towel covering my ass, I find Ana sitting on the bed. The little smile she gives me, full of uncertainty tells me that even though we talked about things, we aren't out of the woods just yet. And I totally understand, I somehow have this ability to fuck things up.

"Everything all right with Melissa?" I shout from the walk in closet.

"Uhm yeah…just girl stuff you know…" Ana replies.

"She isn't sick is she?" Pulling my pajama pants from the drawer I make my way to our bed.

"No…she isn't… but I promised her I wouldn't talk about it…" She clears her throat and points to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower, be right back." I somehow can't let this go. I saw Melissa's face and her behavior and it is something very unlike my little sister. And even though I heard them giggling not even twenty minutes ago I need to know if there isn't anything wrong with her.

I follow Ana into the shower. She is standing in her underwear when I walk in. It is very sexy underwear and I have to force myself to keep looking at Ana's blue eyes so I don't get a fucking boner. _Yeah, too late._

"Tell me the truth Ana…what is wrong with my sister."

"I told you…there is nothing wrong…not in the way you think anyway…she isn't sick I already told you that. Besides I don't think you really want to know…"

"Why wouldn't I want to know what is wrong with her…and why didn't she talk to my mom about it?" It just doesn't make sense.

Ana brushes her fingers along her forehead. Probably thinking about the fact that she promised Melissa that she would keep it a secret.

"You have to promise me that you won't tell her that you know." Ana pleads.

"I promise."

"And that you won't tell Elliot…and that you won't make fun of her in any way…"

"I promise…and why would I tell Elliot?"

"She had her first period…today in school…she couldn't tell your mom because your dad was there. She was confused and scared Christian." Ana rambles and watches me closely.

 _Holy fuck._ "But she is my little sister."

"She is twelve Christian…"

"Did you…did you talk to her…you know…about…" God, my little sister just had her first period. Why the fuck do I need to be so fucking curious. Why couldn't I just let it go?

"Yeah…I did…she is going to be all right. I told her that she needs to discuss it with your mom though."

I just nod and leave Ana to have her shower.

"Christian what is this?" Ana carefully takes my wrists in her hands and starts brushing against the marks.

"Handcuffs…" Is the only thing I say.

"They hurt you…" She states. Ana skim with her fingers along the bruised skin and kisses it. "Does it hurt?" Taking the other wrist in her hands she does the same. Fuck, if she would have only seen the bruises I had when I was Elena's submissive she would go completely crazy.

"This is nothing…" Her eyes dart to mine and that is when I realize that I said it out loud.

"Did…did she leave marks on your body?" Ana's eyes are wide and worried.

"Yes…all the time. She made sure of it that I didn't forget who I belonged to…" Moving on my back I just stare at the ceiling before I turn to face her again.

"That's what dominants do Ana…they love to mark their submissives…some more than others, but that's what they do."

"But why?" She whispers. She takes my hands in hers and slowly starts rubbing her fingers along the marks on my wrists.

"Because they can…simple." I shrug and stare at her.

"How…" She says clearing her throat.

"Some dominants use collars…other's let their submissive get a tattoo or a piercing…"

"Is that…what you did too?"

"No, I never collared a submissive…for me the whole dominant/submissive arrangement was about control and not about ownership…I had rules of course. I used to mark their skin with a flogger, paddle or…or a belt…however it was never my intention to damage their skin…"

"A belt…isn't that what you told me you used on your last submissive?"

"Yes…" I close my eyes as shame washes through my body. I don't want to think about that last evening with Leila.

"But that had nothing to do with control…that day…this is not an excuse but it was an horrific day and then I came home and I found her snooping around in my bedroom…she wanted to be punished, she was defying me on purpose…"

"And what did you do…I mean did you take your belt of and punished her with it…here?"

"I never ever used my own belt…I had items I bought especially for play, and I already told you that I never took them to my bedroom…it was only in the playroom…"

I look at her beautiful face and I know I owe her some kind of explanation. She has asked me before and I was always able to deflect her questions. But it is only reasonable to share it with her. "Are you sure you want to hear this Ana?"

"Yes…I just want to understand…" She whispers. I wish I knew what she was thinking right now.

"I just don't want you to see me differently and I think that that is what is going to happen…"

"Christian, I love you and I know that you left that lifestyle for a reason…I just want to understand better. That was such a huge part of your life for so many years…"

"I will show you…there are clubs here in Seattle…I can show you what a Dominant/submissive relationship entails…"

"Okay…"

I scoop closer to her, suddenly wanting to be as close to her as possible. She tenses slightly at my touch. "I won't do anything…" I whisper. "I just need to hold you."

"Just please don't leave me Ana…stay with me okay?" I whisper into her hair.

"Promise me something Christian…" Even though I can't see her eyes I know that they are brimming with tears. I know that I fucked up and I know that she needs to trust me again.

"Anything…" And I mean that. I would promise her anything in this world just to make that hurt I caused her to go away.

"Promise me you will do the things Flynn told you. Promise me you won't lie to me or shut me out. I have been shut out and lied to for so many years…"

"I promise…" I close my eyes and decide to share everything with her just like I promised. "I wish I could turn back time to the moment we received that phone call from Megan. I wish I had handled things differently, but the thing is that I can't turn back time. I have spent my entire life thinking that I had everything under control, that what I was doing was the right thing." I pause briefly. "I only knew and know what I am doing when it is business related, when it comes to emotional crap…I just fuck up and I just want to ask you to have patience with me, because I promise I am going to try to make things better." I really thought I had things figured out, but when Flynn started talking about Ella, the grief and being victimized I felt and saw how far away I was from having things figured out. I lived my entire life burying the grief and avoiding feelings that were too hard to deal with. Truth is that I don't even knew or know how to deal with them. But I have Ana now. She grounds me, she makes me a better man. In the darkness of our room and with Ana secure in my arms, I vow to myself that I won't hurt her like this ever again and I start making plans.

Plans that I don't even know how to start or better yet finish, but one thing I am sure of. I will never let her go. I will never again hurt her in the way I did. I am never again going to give her a reason to leave me.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 19 – I love you…**

 **CPOV**

"Mr. Grey, your sister is here to see you." Andrea's voice chirms through the intercom. My eyes dart to my watch. What the hell? She is early. Mia is actually five minutes early?

"Let her in Andrea."

I hear giggling and talking outside my office door. A few seconds later the door opens and Mia walks in with Taylor. Both carrying a big brown carton box. It smells good anyway.

They place both boxes on my desk. "Thank you Taylor."

"You're welcome Ms. Grey." Taylor nods and walks out of my office closing the door behind him.

"Hey sis…what's in there?" The immediate flick against my hand when I intent to lift the lid is a clear warning.

"Don't touch that…" Mia says with a tinge of annoyance in her voice. _Guess she hasn't changed after all. Thank god._

Nervously my sister smooths over her light gray skirt and sits on the edge of the seat across from my desk. After releasing a little sigh she takes a folder out of her black bag and proceeds to entwine her fingers. Her brown eyes look up at mine and then she smiles politely. _Where the hell is my hug?_

"Mia, what the fuck are you doing?" I wave my hand in her direction.

Her brow furrows slightly. "What do you mean Christian? I made an appointment with you so that we could discuss my business plan."

"I know…but why are you acting his way? Where is my sister and most importantly where is my hug?"

"Christian, I meant it when I said I was serious about this. I want you to take me serious. I spend a lot of time writing this business plan and it is something that I really want to do, but I need your input." She clears her throat and just stares at me for the longest time while I am trying to process the changes in my sister. My sister Mia with her bubbly and carefree personality is gone and instead is replaced by this nervous human being.

"What happened to you Mia?" It comes out a bit more stern that I actually meant.

"What do you mean?" She is not looking at me though instead she is nervously fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

"I am your brother Mia, don't bullshit me. What the fuck is wrong with you? And where were you the other day when Megan and Elliot stayed for dinner?"

"Nothing…" She whispers. "Nothing happened." When she looks up again she is trying to blink away the tears that are gathering in her eyes. _What the hell…_

Standing from my chair I walk to her and kneel next to her chair taking her cold hands in mine. "Mia…talk to me, something happened. Whose ass do I need to kick?" I say smiling…even though I don't feel like smiling, because if someone hurt my little sister, well this could get nasty.

"Christian, I came here to discuss my business plan…this…is…"

"Really important to you…I know Mia and we will discuss it, but first you are going to tell me what happened…"

"Oh Christian…" She lunges at me, throws her arms around my shoulders and buries her face in my neck. Sobs are raking through her body and the whole time I am silently hoping that nothing bad happened with her out there, because if that's the case it would be my fault, I should have insisted on a CPO.

She then begins talking in between the sobs, her face is buried in my neck and I don't hear shit. What is it with woman that they feel the need to talk and cry at the same fucking time? When her sobs slow down I hear "I…I am so sorry…" more crying "my…fault…"…more crying…"I really didn't know…"

Ana was right the other day during dinner, patience is not one of my strongest character traits, not to mention the fact that I just can't seem to make sense of what she is trying to say.

"Mia…calm down okay…please calm down…do you need something to drink…" She shakes her head no and tightens her hold on my neck.

"Okay…but you really need to calm down know Mia, you are getting so worked up…do you want me to call Ana? Will you feel more comfortable if Ana is here too?" She timidly nods her head and lets out a shuddering sigh.

I quickly text Ana and five minutes later Ana enters the room. As soon as she spots my sister crying she rushes over.

"Mia what's wrong are you sick? Is it your dad? Please tell me your dad is doing fine…"

Mia grabs Ana's hand and just stares at her for what seems the longest time. I don't know what has her in such a state because it seems as if she is frightened.

"It…it was my fault that the media knew about the miscarriage…it was all my fault…" Mia blurts and looks down at her lap.

"What do you mean Mia…why is it your fault?" Ana is now kneeling on the floor her hands holding on to Mia's.

"When mom called me to tell me what happened…I…I couldn't reach you guys…I tried and tried and tried but you never answered your phones…" Wiping the tears from her eyes she stares at us with the saddest expression on her face.

"A few days later after I had talked to mom and dad and they told me that you guys were having a hard time dealing with everything that happened. Then I called Ethan…I somehow needed to talk to him…obviously he already knew about what happened…but he also told me that you were staying at Bainbridge…since I was cleaning my room I had the phone on speaker…anyway to make a long story short, my room mates overheard the conversation and they informed the media…"

"Oh Mia…come here…" Ana wraps her arms around her. "But that is not your fault you know…it wasn't you who alerted the media…"

"It doesn't matter Ana…don't you see…I know how careful I need to be…I always had to be careful when talking about Christian, because I know that people would twist my words and that it would show up in a paper in a matter of days…I should have known better."

"It's okay…" Ana whispers.

"Aren't you guys mad?"

"No…we are not mad Mia…" Ana sighs. And Ana really isn't mad. Me on the other hand…well I don't know. Mia should have known better. Mia knows that she has to be incredibly careful. On the other hand I understand that she wanted to talk to someone about it.

"Are those girls giving you a hard time Mia?" Ana whispers in her ear. Mia just nods and bursts into tears again.

"I felt so horrible…" Mia starts again. "The things they were writing about you guys were horrible. And because of me you also had to deal with those accusations on top of having to deal with losing your little baby…"

"It's okay Mia…please don't cry anymore" Ana is still holding Mia while she comforts her.

I make myself useful and get my sister a glass of water. Then I sit there _patiently_ waiting until she is all cried out. In the meantime I think about those stupid bitches. They used confidential and private information to their advantage. Under other circumstances, that's to say if Ana weren't in the picture I would have already taken care of those pathetic girls who are probably acting out of jealousy. I need to discuss this with Ana before I take further action.

"Mr. Grey, your brother is here." Andrea's voice startles us when it comes over the intercom.

Mia rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "He knew I was going to be here didn't he?"

I don't need to tell Andrea to let my brother in, because well this is Elliot we are talking about.

"Good morning!" He booms. "Hey, why wasn't I invited to the party?" He walks in one direct line to the white box that Mia brought in with her, opens it and takes a deliciously looking muffin from it. He takes a bite almost devouring the entire muffin in one go and then goes to Mia and Ana and engulfs them both in a hug.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? I was asked not to open the box and you come here walking in to a meeting, with your dirty boots and act like you own this fucking place."

My brother grins, flips me off and then takes another muffin. "Fuck Mia, these are really good!" He relaxes back on the sofa and waves with his hand in the air. "Well a cup of coffee would go pretty well with these muffins." He looks at me and then turns his attention back to Mia. "So, what are we talking about?" Swallowing the last bit of muffin, he crosses his ankles and relaxes back in to the chair.

"How long do you intend to stay in Seattle Mia?" Elliot asks Mia. This after we've informed him about the reason that Mia is acting this way and has been acting this way since she came back to Seattle.

"I don't know. When you called me to tell me that dad was being rushed into the hospital, I didn't even get the chance to talk to Pierre. I booked my flight on my way to the airport and I called him when I was about to board the plane." She smiles sadly and shrugs.

"I called him when dad woke up and I promised him that I would call him back… I should have contacted him by know, but I just keep postponing it because the truth is that I don't know if I want to go back." Her voice breaks and she takes a deep breath. "I was so scared…I thought I was never going to see dad again. And I already told you that I share that apartment with three other girls, well they take the bitchy-ness to a whole new level…they are awfully mean." She quickly wipes the tears from her face and takes a sip from her water.

"Then it's settled." Elliot slams his hand on the table. "You call Pierre and you tell him that you won't be going back to Paris…you can stay here and work on the business plan of yours…you ask our ugly brother for advice and I will help you designing your new shop."

Mia looks doubtful and it looks as if she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. "I don't know guys…I promised Pierre that I would stay there until at least the end of November…"

"Mia, I think your brother is right. You are miserable there, and it is really not worth it." Ana pauses for a brief moment. "What is really keeping you there Mia? Is it because you want to proof to us that you are able to do that, because if that's the real reason, we already knew… it was just you who needed to see it."

Mia nods and fidgets with the handkerchief in her hands. "Let me think about if okay for a few days…I want to hear what Ethan has to say about this…"

"So, while you think about it can I have a muffin already?" I wink at her but don't wait for her answer.

I get one for Ana who is longingly looking at the box as well and one for myself. "Hey, what about me man?" Elliot yells.

"You already had two dickhead…" _But fuck these are good. Like really good_.

Mia then takes a long shaped box from a bag she also was carrying. "I also made these, maybe you want to try?"

"Oh, yeah what are these called again?" Elliot has the box already in his hands and is impatiently trying to open it.

"Macarons…" Mia says proudly.

"Damn Mia…you made these?"

"Yeah…" She shrugs and opens the folder. "I want to open a bakery with only gluten free products. I did a little research in the area and there isn't one bakery who specializes in this."

"Why gluten free?" I ask and reach for the box of macarons.

"Some people need it because they have coeliac disease, the body's immune system reacts to consuming gluten by damaging the lining of the small intestine, which interferes with the body's ability to absorb nutrients. However, some people remove gluten from their diet because of the low-carb and high-protein."  
Watching and hearing my sister talk full of passion about this project, makes me insanely proud. I think it is a great idea with a lot of potential. She is clearly well prepared. Because she goes on and on about the possibilities and the ideas she is having.

Ana and Elliot already left a while ago and I am now reading and evaluating Mia's business plan. For someone who never wrote a business plan before, she did an extraordinary job.

"This is really good Mia." I place the folder back on my desk and stare at my sister.

"It is? Because I need you to be totally honest with me Christian…"

"I am being totally honest here. You should only add a little more to the development section. Not everything in this section needs to be based upon pure facts like the information you provided in the other section. Project into the future and think big. This is a necessary part of business to remain competitive."

Mia nods eagerly.

"I want you to turn this into a more polished document. Use the feedback I just gave you. I am going to ask my accountant to take a look at this as well. Because you will need to complete and include some financial analysis."

"Do you have time to meet with me next week?" Mia asks.

"I always have time for you. However you need to promise me to bring some muffins as well." I wink at her what makes her smile.

"I promise…thank you Christian…"

"You're welcome Mia, I am extremely proud of you…now come here and give me my hug!"

With a huge smile on her face my sister leaps from her seat and bounces towards me. "Oh my gosh! I'm so happy…" She squeals and wraps her arms around my neck. _Yeah…I think I have my sister back._

 **APOV**

A week has passed since Carrick had heart surgery and things are slowly falling back in place. Carrick is healing well and the doctors are content with his progress so far. If he continues this way he is allowed to leave the hospital in a couple of days. He can't wait to return back home.

It is now Friday and I am on my way to find my husband. He told me to cancel my appointments for the afternoon since he had a surprise for me. Melissa will be spending the weekend with Elliot and Megan. I think Megan mentioned something about taking Melissa to the zoo.

I am now on my way to the gym where Christian is having his daily workout with Bastille.

As for Christian… he held true to his word. He sees Flynn twice a week and he dutifully keeps a journal. He communicates and shares his insecurities with me. However, yesterday when he returned from the hospital he broke down.

 _Flashback._

 _Christian's face when he entered the kitchen where I was helping Melissa with her homework was pale and frightened._

" _What's wrong" I whispered in his ear when he walked over me to kiss me._

" _Later…" He looked briefly at Melissa who was too engrossed with homework to even notice._

 _After dinner, watching some mindless T.V. he was still restless. It was like he could burst into tears any given moment. It was after Melissa went to bed that he finally opened up._

" _I was at the hospital this afternoon…I talked to my dad…"_

" _He is still doing well isn't he?"_

" _Yes…" Christian's brow furrowed._

" _Then what is wrong?"_

" _He…he asked me to talk to his lawyer. He gave me an envelope. When I asked him what was in it he told me that he wanted to change his will."_

" _Okay…" I said still not sure why he was so shook up._

" _When I asked him why he needed to change his will he said that life is too short and that he doesn't know…" Christian cleared his throat and swallowed._

" _He wants to make sure that everything is taken care off in case something happens to him?" I finish off for him. The look on his face when he looked at me with those gray eyes, wide and terrified was absolutely heart wrenching._

" _I…I just can't lose him Ana…I can't lose my dad…" His eyes stared filling with tears, his chin trembling._

 _There was no other way to comfort him than to hold him. He somehow needed to get that fear out of his system. He had been bottling it up, acting strong and confident, while every time he goes to visit his father in the hospital he is almost afraid to enter his hospital room, afraid that he might be confronted with a bed empty…_

 _He is anything but confident and strong. Christian was terrified. Terrified that something would happen to his father. Terrified of not knowing how to deal with that kind of hurt. Terrified that there was nothing he could do for him. He was that terrified little boy that lost his mother. He was that terrified fifteen year old boy that was manipulated, victimized and physically and emotionally abused by the pedophile._

" _I can't lose him Ana…I can't lose my dad…" He whispered while he had his head buried against my stomach. His hands clenching at my hips._

 _I did nothing but hold him that night and comforted him the only way I thought was best. Because what could I have said? That his dad was going to be all right? Christian, knows that….rationally that is. I mean, he was there when the doctor told him that as long as he adheres his treatment he can live to reach 100 years. And I am sure that Grace will be there to make sure he does exactly what is expected from him. I am proud though that despite that deep-seated fear and his habit to push feelings and emotions away, he opened up to me._

 _End flashback._

"Focus Grey! You need to focus!" Bastille yells at him. Christian growls disapprovingly and changes his stance. He looks absolutely hot. He is wearing black work out shorts that hang very nicely a very low on his hips. His chest is bare as are his feet.

His upper body is covered with a thin layer of sweat. His hair wet with perspiration is pointing in different direction. Every time Christian moves his arms, the muscles of his back move in a delicious way. _Oh._  
I feel myself blush when I see Taylor watching me, fighting a smile. Since Christian has his back to me, he isn't aware of the fact that I am in the same room. _Shamelessly gawking._

"You are out of shape man." Bastille says with a smirk.

Suddenly Christian turns around, as if he realizes that someone is watching. His face at first angry, immediately softens when he sees that I'm standing next to Taylor.  
"See you Monday Claude."

With his hands stretched out Christian walks to Taylor who immediately helps him out of his gloves. In the meanwhile Christian is starting at me. His stare is dark and sensual.

My eyes wander from his eyes to his lips and then on to his chest. His scent, a mix of his expensive aftershave a touch of sweat and his enticing Christian smell hits me. Instinctively my eyes roam further down to his happy trail and then oh...

"See something you like Mrs. Grey?" Christian has me backed up against the wall. His arms on both sides of my face.

I hear receding footsteps and then the door closing. _Taylor is gone._

"You're hard."

"So I am…" Christian whispers seductively in my ear.

"How come?" I croak.

Christian chuckles and shakes his head. "Because my wife is the most beautiful and hottest woman walking this planet who also happens to be wearing one of the most sexy and accessible dresses ever…and…" Christian pauses briefly and playfully starts biting my earlobe. _And because it has been forever since we had sex._

"And…because I am always hard when I am around you baby…" His warm breath is sending little shocks all over my body.

"You don't have any appointment for this afternoon right?" My voice sounds husky and needy. I stick my thumbs in his low hanging shorts and push it down slowly.  
Christian breath hitches while he shakes his head. "No…but I remember having a date with my wife…"

While his shorts fall down to his ankles, my hands wander from his firm ass to his lower back. A small shudder travels through his body when I gently start scraping my nails across his lower back. I continue this massage for a while until I find my way to his heavy balls. While is start massaging them gently, Christian softly moans in my ear. As I keep massaging his balls with one hand, I teasingly touch his erection with my other hand. Teasing and barely touching him.

"Don't tease me baby…please touch me…" His words come out raspy and husky. I grab his erection firmly in my hand and slowly start moving up and down.

Moving his hand from the wall he swiftly sneaks under my dress and pushed his hands through my panties. His finger starts brushing against my clit.

"You are so wet Ana…I love it when you are so wet…"

Painfully slow Christian pushes a finger into me first and then a second. With his thumb he is pressing against my clitoris.  
"We need to do this quickly ... fuck my hand Ana ... move baby." With my head against his chest I start moving my hips, just like Christian told me to do.

"That's it baby…fuck I can feel you gripping my fingers…"

"Don't stop…please don't stop…" I pant against his sweaty chest.

"Oh fuck…oh fuck…" Christian is almost yelling as I feel his erection jerking in my hands and his warm … covering my hand and his stomach. When my orgasm hits me Christian holds me tightly so that I don't fall on the floor. We continue to hold each other, our foreheads touching, until your breathing returns to normal.

"Christ that was…" Instead of finishing his sentence his crushes his mouth against mine and kisses me in that passionate raw way.

"I missed you Ana…it has been too long baby…"

"I know…" I look down and feel myself blush. This was my fault since I was the one holding out on the sex. It just didn't feel right after all the shit he put me through.

"Don't go there…" Christian takes my chin in his hand his eyes are soft and kind. "I understand baby…I really do." With a last kiss on my nose he smiles. "Ready for your surprise Mrs. Grey?"

 **CPOV**

"We are going back to Escala?" Anastasia's face is almost pressed against the car window. "Was this your surprise?" Her face is a mix of anger, disbelief and disappointment.

"Yes, we need to change before we go. You can't go dressed like that to what I have planned…"

"What's wrong with my clothes?" I smirk and wiggle my eyebrows. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with your dress baby. As I just found out less than one hour ago…it gives me easy access to ..."

"Christian…" She looks towards Taylor her face turning crimson.

Since I can't help myself I lean towards my gorgeous wife and kiss her plump, pink lips. "I love your blush baby…"

* * *

"You can find the clothes you need to wear on the bed. The rest of our stuff is already on our destination…" I lead Ana up the stairs and then to our bedroom.

"We are going away on our bikes?" She says when she spots our motorbike clothes on our bed.

"You like?" I ask taking her in my arms.

"I love…" She whispers. "God that has really been a long time."

"So, you are going to tell me know where we are going?" She starts taking off her dress leaving her in only her incredible sexy underwear.

"No" I answer simply. Her nose crinkles again and she huffs. She is one second away from stomping that little foot of hers.

"You know…" She says eying me up and down. "Payback is a bitch Grey…"

"Is that so?" I challenge her.

"Oh yeah…I happen to know how curious you are Mr. Grey and let's say I have a surprise for you too…not for this weekend though, but I have a surprise…" Her eyes are glistening with joy and mischief and the way she smiles…god the way she smiles.

"What kind of surprise…" Fuck, I'm too easy but she is right _I am_ curious as shit.

"Ah now Mr. Grey…that's for me to know and for you to find out…" With a little wink she saunters of to the bathroom. I need to find out what the surprise is she is talking about.

* * *

Seeing Ana's face the moment we stepped on the ferry with final destination San Juan Island was a combination of excitement and sadness. It looked as if she was trying to get her emotions under control. And I couldn't figure out if that was a good or a bad thing. So, after watching her holding on to the railing, her hair freely swaying in the wind I couldn't hold back any longer. It was as if she was sad. As if she was fighting tears.

"Baby, is there something wrong?" I couldn't help the nervousness in my voice, still Ana knew me better than anyone else so there was no sense in pretending.

"My dad…he always talked about wanting to visit San Juan…"

"Does it bother you?" _Fuck, I should off asked her. There is so much I still don't know about her._

"No…it doesn't, but I guess I always thought I would be visiting this Island with him…"

"Was there something specific he mentioned?" _Maybe we can visit that together._

"Whale watching…" She says simply. Her head leaning against my chest and her arms circling my waist.

"Would you like to do that?" I murmur against her fore head. She shrugs and then the tiniest giggle escapes her lips. "As long as we don't have to get to close to them…"

I laugh out loud throwing my head back. _Typically Ana._

"Where is Taylor?" She whispers looking around. She has her helmet stuck under her arm and damn she looks sexy in het leather outfit.

"He is not here…" I whisper back.

"Where is he…he disappeared as soon as we got off the ferry…" She is still whispering her eyes darting from me to the cabin in front of us.

"He will be staying in one of the inn's…it is just you and me here baby…" Her eyes light up again and it is really the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. "I like it when it is just you and me." She replies with a smile.

Taking her tiny hand in mine we walk towards the cabin.

As we walk into the cabin the warmth hits us. It is kindly welcoming and the sound of the crackling fire immediately get Ana's attention. Her eyes are shining as she takes in the room. There is a dark brown sofa, a round coffee table and a huge painting almost covering the entire wall.

We silently walk upstairs. It is rustic and comforting. The grand master room has a four poster bed, side's tables and wardrobes complimenting the bed.  
"It is so romantic…" Ana is back to whispering. She is taking everything in with her amazing blue eyes a little smile playing on her lips. Looking at my watch I see it is almost time for dinner.

"Hungry?" I envelope my arms around her tiny waist.

"Yeah, are you cooking Christian?" She giggles and turns around in my arms looking up at me from under her lashes.

"You wound me baby, but no…I made reservations at the _Duck Soup Inn_."

Half an hour later Ana emerges from the stairs.

Dressed in a dark, tight jeans, burgundy-colored blazer and a checkered scarf… she looks amazing. And of course a matching handbag.  
"What's with the bag?" I point to the bag hanging from her elbow.  
Frowning, she looks at me. "It holds everything I need. My wallet, phone ..." She shrugs and looks sheepishly.  
"You don't need those things... no phone allowed this weekend and you certainly don't need your wallet when you are with me." I take the bag from her and throw it on the couch.

"But Christian, the phone…"

"No phone…it is just you and me baby. If something comes up then Taylor will alert me…"

"Okay…" She throw as a last glance at her bag before leaving the cabin. _Her fingers are probably itching._

"It's just a twenty minute walk, you're up to it?" I glance down at her heels and rise my eyebrow.

"Of course…" She replies waving her hand in the air.

"Tell me one of your sweetest childhood memories" I ask my wife while wrapping my arm around her shoulder. She has her hand tucked in my back pocket and somehow that little gesture makes me incredibly happy.

"That must have been when my dad returned from work each day and he would pick me up, twirl me around and then he would say _I missed my Annie_ …"

"That was when Ray and Carla where still together I presume?"

She just nods and stares straight ahead. "What about you?" She pinches my butt slightly and looks up at me.

"What comes to mind is when I first met Mia. I immediately felt this connection with her, the need to protect her. TO me she was beautiful, perfect and so soft…and another is when I got my piano lessons from Miss Kathy…"

"Oh…tell me…"

"I was just a little boy, but I remember that I was totally captivated by her. She was very sweet and. her voice was soft and reassuring."

"Do you know what happened to her? Is she married with kids?"

"From what my mother told me she never married, but I think she still teaches…"

"How old is she?" Ana asks, clearly impressed by Ms. Kathy.

"Probably late forties?"

"Who knows maybe she can teach our kids someday…" Suddenly this need to hug Ana and kiss her senseless surges through me. So I do…I stop, wrap my hands around her tiny waist and twirl her around. Ana is acting as if this is the most normal thing in the world. While she has her arms firmly grabbing my neck she laughs throwing her head back. _Bliss…absolute fucking bliss._

 **APOV**

Since we started our walk back to our little cabin Christian is acting a little weird. He is silent and it seems as if he is nervous. He constantly keeps checking his phone and now that I come to think about it why is he allowed to carry his phone and I am not?

"Christian is something wrong?" Is ask for the umpteenth time.

"No…no baby why do you ask?" I roll my eyes and since it's dark he doesn't see me, and this confirms my feelings, Christian is distracted because he always notices when I roll my eyes, even when we are on the phone.

"Well, because you have been behaving all kinds of strange since we left the restaurant…"

Christian doesn't reply, he only kisses my fore head.

When we reach the cabin I see that the lights are on. That's weird, we never put the lights on and I don't recall Christian doing it before we left.

Very unlike Christian he even fidgets with the key while opening the door. I giggle earning me a stern glare.

When the door open this feeling settles in my stomach but it is a great feeling actually. My belly is doing summersault and my heart starts racing. I hear the door closing behind us and Christian standing behind me. In front of me there are little tea lights on the floor spelling I LOVE YOU.

"Oh my God Christian…" I quickly look at his shy smile and the look back at the scene in front of me.

"This is so incredibly sweet…" I whisper.

"I didn't mean to make you cry…" Christian takes me in his arms holding my head against his chest.

I feel a chuckle rumbling through his chest. "Baby, you are talking in that weird high voice again, I can't understand anything you are saying…"

"Did you do this?" I finally manage to say.

"Well, I didn't do it, I had a little help…" he shrugs. "But it was my idea…"

"It's so sweet…" I look back at the little lights and then back to my husband. "You are amazing you know that?"

"Only for you Ana…." Tenderly he wipes the tears from my cheeks and kisses my nose. "I have something else for you…" He leads me to the couch, places me on his lap and hands me a tiny wrapped box.

While I take my time unpacking the neatly wrapped package, Christian nervously start bumping his leg up and down. _He really is nervous._

"Don't be nervous Christian, everything you bought me so far was thoughtful and beautiful…"

He clears his throat and blinks up to look at my eyes. "This means a lot to me Ana…but will you please unwrap the damn thing already?"

"Ah, and there he is again…" I giggle and decide to help him out of his misery by quickly unwrapping the gift.

"A little rabbit?" I hold the little charm in my hand and look at Christian.

"Remember a few days ago, after that session with Flynn?" I tense. How could I forget? Hearing about Christian turmoil, insecurities and pain. I will never forget. Ever.

"Yes…yes of course I remember…" I kiss his temple and rake my hands through his hair.

"Well, when you read me that passage of the Velveteen Rabbit…it made a huge impression on me." He shakes his head and smiles. "The story of a little rabbit who discovers that the power of true love made him become a real live rabbit…you Ana…you make me feel real you know…" Christian carefully touches the little charm in my hand and looks at me. His eyes are full of love and sincerity. "This little charm symbolizes true love…" I'm stunned. I never realized that reading that passage to him would make such impression. But when I think about it, it makes sense. Flynn told me that Christian never really got the change to develop like a 'normal' child. Christian never was secure of his own identity. He never knew where he would or where he wouldn't fit in.

"I know that I treated you horribly and I can't apologize enough…because you don't deserve it…" He continues. Christian cups my face in his hands and brushes his lips against mine. "And to show you how much I love you…I have been rehearsing on one of your favorite songs this last week…and baby…this really shows how much I love you because I can truly say that my ears almost fell off…but since it makes you happy…here goes."

He places me on the couch and walks to the iPod and searches for the right song. Then suddenly the song 'Rock star' from Nickelback starts playing. Christian holds his hands in front his mouth as if he is holding a microphone and starts singing along with the lyrics. At first I'm stunned. I can't believe he is doing this for me. When he is halfway into the song he extends his hands and invites me to sing and dance along with him. Well, who could resist?

And this is how we spend the rest of our evening…dancing, singing and laughing. It is perfect. And just what we needed.

* * *

"You know I love your skin." Christian is brushing his finger along my hip all the way to my breast. We are laying naked in front of the fireplace.

"It is soft…flawless…perfect…I just can't get enough of you Ana…" Placing my hand on the backside of his head I push him towards me. I brush my lips against his and skim my tongue along his lips.

He tastes perfect. I shift so I can straddle him, my hair falling along both sides of my face. My hands move along his collar bone to his shoulder blades until I reach his chest. There I stroke with my thumbs against his nipples and in the meanwhile kiss the nine scars scattered across his chest. I don't linger long, but continue my journey to his muscular stomach. I trace his abs with my lips, my hands resting on the rug.

"Breathe Christian…" I whisper when I scoot lower until I am face to face with his erection.

"Pull your legs up…" The sight before me is magnificent. Christian has his eyes fixated on mine. His feet flat on the floor, his erection lying flat against his stomach. I hear Christian growl when I start massaging his heavy balls.

I start kissing the inside of his thighs and slowly kiss my way up to his lips. "Will you make love to me Christian?"

Christian's eyes snaps open and he flips me on my back so that he is the one hovering over me now. He starts kissing me passionately until I am almost seeing stars. He is moaning into my neck, kissing my cheek, my mouth. He is everywhere.

"I love you Anastasia Grey…" I squirm under his hard gaze and his raw voice. I don't think I have seen Christian like this before. He is almost intimidating. Sexy, but intimidating nonetheless.

Sitting back, Christian leans over me and takes a condom from his jeans that are laying somewhere on the floor. Then he makes quick work rolling it on.

It annoys me that we have to use these damned things. I would love nothing more than to feel him without any restrictions.

His mouth locks around my nipple and sucks hard. My back arches in response and then his fingers are between my thighs. "You are so ready baby…" he mumbles.

"Christian please…" I ask impatiently.

Christian moves so that his both arms are resting on both sides of my face, his legs nestled in between mine, his erection rubbing against my stomach. His gray eyes look stormy and he is covered in a sheen of sweat.

"Are you okay?" He asks now, his expression softening a little.

"I am…" I open my legs wider and rake my hands through his light damp hair.

"Good…" Dropping his face to mine he kisses me softly and at the same time he enters me in one swift motion. "Fuck, this is absolutely divine…" He moans against my lips. "So, fucking tight and wet Ana…"

He stays like this for a while. His fore head against mine, his eyes closed.

I feel myself lifting my hips, wanting him to start to move. "Slow baby, I want to enjoy this."

Christian eases back a little and then pushes in a little further, circling his groin. "How does that feel Ana?"

"Nice…" I whimper.

"Nice?" He shakes his head. "Oh baby, but we can do better than nice…" He murmurs against my lips.

"I am going to make sweet, gentle love to you Ana…"

Christian then slowly starts to move in and out. The movements are perfectly controlled. He continues thrusting gently in and out perfectly, gazing down at me and blinking lazily matching his gentle thrusting. This really is intimate and special. Just like he promised, gentle love making.

"You are tensing inside…are you going to come Ana?"

I nod my head and dig my nails in his shoulder. "Don't come yet Ana…control it…I want us to come together…"

"I can't…" I pant digging my nails deeper into his shoulders.

"Yes…yes you can…" His control is amazing. I have no idea how he does this, but I am going out of my mind with need.

His movements are still controlled, but slightly firmer. "Oh God Christian…please…"

"That's it Ana…" The tensing, our breathing and his movements are becoming frantic. "Now Ana!"

As the feeling unfurls in my stomach, my mind goes blank and my body goes limp. Christian starts shuddering and trembling while he gasps my name in my ear.

"Can we stay like this forever?" Christian whispers in my neck. He is lying on top of me and he is heavy…very heavy. He is all over me, covering my entire body. But I like this. I feel safe and cherished.

"Ana?" He whispers.

"Hmm…"

"I love you…I love you so much and I will never stop trying making things better…I promise…"

"I love you too Christian…" I hug him tighter.

"You are perfect do you know that?" Christian moves and shifts us so that we are laying facing each other.

"Oh Christian, I am far from perfect… but I can promise you one thing…you will never find someone who loves you as much as I do…"

He gives me his shy smile and tenderly brushes a few hairs behind my ear. "Come here…you need to sleep." Christian covers us with a blanket and takes me in his arms.

"Ana…" Christian whispers after a while.

"Yes…"

"Will you now tell me what that surprise is you were talking about earlier?" I can hear the amusement in his voice and feel his smile against my neck.

And it is here, in a cabin in the San Juan Island, lying on a make shift bed in front of a fireplace, that I know and feel for the first time in a long time that everything will be fine. Christian and I are going to be just fine.


	20. Chapter 20 An unexpected encounter

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 20 – Baby Jesse, nappy cakes and boogers.**

 **APOV**

Sleepy sex that is what is about to happen in a few minutes. Christian is placing little wet kisses along by naked back. His hands brush from my breast to my stomach and then further to my legs sending goosebumps all over my body.

"I know you're awake Ana…" He whispers against my neck. And even though I can't see him, I know he is smiling. God, how someone can wake up all happy and chipper is still as mystery to me. However waking up like this, sure puts a smile on the most cranky and moodiest morning person. So, that includes me I guess.

"Baby, open your eyes for me…" Christian tries again. But I don't. I am enjoying his ministrations way too much.

"Okay, Mrs. Grey…" His hands are still caressing in that lovely way. "I am going to count to three…and if you haven't opened your eyes by then, I am going to put you over my shoulder and throw you in the lake…" _He wouldn't…_

"One…" His mouth is now nibbling my ear.

"Two…" His hand is now massaging my left breast. "Baby, don't say I didn't warn you…and I can assure you that the water is incredibly cold…"

"Thr…"

"I'm awake! I'm awake…" I turn around and open my eyes as wide as possible. My husband is smiling and looking incredibly smug. "So, what is it going to be Mrs. Grey…coffee and a shower?" _What?_

I shake my head. "No coffee?" Christian asks sarcastically.

"No, I want to lay down back again, close my eyes and feel your hands roaming my body…" Christian's eyes turn a shade darker. Swiftly he moves and pins me with my back on the matrass. Both of my hands are pinned above my head. "I like it when you tell me what you want…" I feel his erection poking against my belly and try to move under him.

Christian starts kissing my face, his gray eyes flicking from my eyes to my mouth until his lips are lightly brushing over mine. In comparison to the passion in his eyes, Christian is completely relaxed and is taking the time to kiss me. His tongue expertly brushing against mine. He really is an excellent kisser.

"Open your eyes Ana, I want to see you…" He leans in and kisses me sweetly. "I am going to make sweet and slow love to you Ana…" Sleepy love. I love making sleepy love.

Christian then sits astride my waist and reaches for the condoms on the night stand. His eyes are still fixated on mine. His mouth is slightly open while he sheaths himself. Even though I hate condoms, and even more the reason why we have to use them right now, watching Christian rolling the condom on his erection is something extraordinarily pleasurable.

"Are you ready baby?" he asks, placing his palms on either side of my head and nudging my thighs open with his knee.

He is really taking this slow because he pushes forward gently, and slides into me. At the same time he places his lips over mine and skims my lips with his tongue. He is moving in and out slowly, just like he said. He blinks down at me, lazily matching his thrusting. The silence surrounding us is only interrupted by our irregular breathing. I feel my internal muscles contracting around him.

"Don't come yet Ana…" Christian says kissing my lips.

He keeps his pace. Controlled and slow and soon I don't think I am able to hold back my orgasm any longer.

"Christian…I really…" My nails dig in his shoulders trying to hold back that incredible feeling spreading through my thighs. The pressure is building with every thrust of his hips. His breathing is turning more erratic and I know he is reaching his orgasm too. His jaw is tense, his face serious.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, yes…" I pant. God, I was ready five minutes ago.

Quickening his thrusts he braces on his forearms and starts thrusting deeper and harder moving me up on the bed.

"Let it go Ana…" The feeling is amazing as it spreads from my legs to my belly. My nails are still digging into Christian's shoulders when he lowers himself on top of me growling his climax in my ear. His body shuddering and jerking over my wet skin.

 **CPOV**

After the much needed coffee we decided to have breakfast in Friday Harbor. We had Butterscotch pudding and fresh baked gingersnaps in one of the little bakeries. I never had that for breakfast before and it certainly isn't the healthiest breakfast, but it was worth it. Especially seeing Ana eating with gusto.

Soon after breakfast we stumbled upon a small book shop. After one hour, where Ana touched almost every book in there I almost had to literally drag her out of there. Of course with a bag full of books.

"Oh look there is a little baby-boutique." Ana points to this quaint, pink colored shop. Before I can react we are standing inside, surrounded by baby and toddler clothes.

Completely relaxed Ana walks through the little store looking at different baby clothes and brushing the fabric through her delicate fingers.

With a smile that doesn't reach her eyes she looks at me. "I want to buy something for Kate and Megan…"

"You don't have to torture yourself baby…if you want I can ask Andrea to…"

"No…" She says adamantly. "I…I need to do this. I want to do this…" Brushing her hand over my cheeks she says. "You can wait outside if you want…" She looks at the door and then back at me.

"No, I'll stay here with you. Take your time…" I kiss her fore head and take a step back.

While Ana takes her time looking at different clothes my eyes fall on the smallest and cutest soft pink dress and baby shoes I have ever seen. The elder women behind the counter eyes me with a small smile on her face as I cautiously place the delicate shoes on the palm of my hand. God, they are so tiny. There is this incredible urge to buy them, but I don't know how Ana will react.

"Kate is having a boy…" Ana whispers as she brushes her finger across the tiny shoe. "They are beautiful though…so delicate…very girly…"

"They are not for Kate…or Megan…" I reply. Ana's body tenses as her eyes slowly meet mine.

I turn my back so that the saleswoman can't overhear our conversation. "I…I wanted to buy them for us…"

"They come with a matching dress…" I hear the woman behind us coming closer and places a little pink dress on the counter. I blink my eyes and look at Ana who is looking at the little perfect dress in awe. "It's beautiful…" Ana says now looking at the sales woman. I take a step back from the counter and place the little shoes on top of the dress.

"We'll take them…" Ana says determined. "We will take them." She says one more time. I don't know if she is trying to convince herself that we are doing the right thing but she can't take her eyes of the dress and the little shoes.

The woman smiles at us and starts wrapping the dress and shoes with the utmost care in a white box.

"You are a beautiful couple…" The saleswoman continues making conversation. "I'm sure you are going to have a beautiful little girl…" Her eyes wander to Ana's flat stomach.

Ana clears her throat and places the items she picked out on the counter. "Thank you…" She whispers without looking at the woman.

"The view is amazing here…" Ana says while she scoots closer to me. We are on Lime Kiln point a park somewhere on the west side of San Juan Islands. Lime Kiln Point is considered one of the best places in the world to view whales from a land-based facility. Just how Ana likes it.

"It certainly is." But I'm not talking about the view…I am talking about her. My strong and beautiful wife. "So, tell me what did you get Megan and Kate?"

"I got a quilted coverall for Kate's baby…it's off white and totally cute." Ana takes the little piece of fabric out of the bag and shows it to me.

"And for Megan?" I place the coverall back in the bag and watch as Ana hands me a tiny thing.

"What is this?"

"That is called an onesie…just read what it says…" She smiles at me and smirks.

I let out a huge laugh when I see what is written on the onesie. "This is the perfect gift for their baby…" The onesie is black and with white letters there is written on the front: Don't look at me, that smell is comin' from my dad.

 **APOV**

"How much time until my brother drops of Melissa?" Christian has me pinned against the Escala elevator wall. His face is buried in my neck…kissing and licking me.

"Thirty minutes…I think…" I manage to say.

"That will have to do…" He mutters. When the elevator doors open to our apartment he scoops me in his arms and walks straight to our bedroom.

"Do you know how incredible sexy you look in these leather pants baby?" I shake my head no and crane my head back to give him better access to my neck. _God, that feels so good._

"I think you do…" He pants. Reaching the bedroom he slams the door shut with his foot and locks it. Then he walks to the bathroom and places me on the vanity.

Even though he knows that we don't have a lot of time until Melissa gets home, he takes his times unzipping my jacket. His hands crawl under my t-shirt and he starts brushing his thumbs against the lace of my bra.

"Christian…we need to be quick…"

"I need you naked Ana…"

It's really not easy to quickly discard the leather pants, but finally after a lot of fumbling, pulling and laughing we get it done. Christian places me back on the vanity. His erection is standing proud and tall in between us, brushing against my thigh.

Everything is too overwhelming by his hands and mouth. They are everywhere.

"Breathe baby…" Christian whispers against my lips. His kiss starts slow and sexy but soon he plunges his tongue in my mouth and the kiss turns raw and passionate.

"God, I love you Ana…" "Do you feel that Ana…do you feel it?" He breathes against my lips. His hands are now brushing against my back, leaving a tingle in its wake.

"This is going to be hard Ana…" He rasps in my ear.

I just nod.

In a swift movement, his hands are on my backside, he then lifts me and impales me onto his length.

Swinging me around he thrusts me up against the cold tiles.

"Oh shit!" I yell.

"Are you okay?" His voice is raw.

I nod my head and rake my hands through his now light damp hair.

"Good…" He growls. "Because you're mine Ana…completely mine…" I don't have time to worry about his animalistic and dominating behavior, because this is too good.

"Move Christian…just…move…" I grab his hair and pull hard.

"Fuck Ana…" Christian starts moving his hips frantically while holding on to my hips. His fore head is leaning against mine. When he opens his eyes seconds later he looks almost intimidating. Sexy, but intimidating nonetheless.

I grip his shoulders as he increases his thrusts, slamming into me, hitting my G-spot every time. In an almost desperate claim his mouth is back on mine.

He continues thrusting and every time he thrusts in me my back slams against the wall.

"Are you coming Ana...?"

"Yes…yes…" I pant against his neck.

"Wait for me…wait for me baby…"

With every thrust my thighs tense as does my stomach. That incredible feeling is intensifying and I don't know how long I am able to wait.

"Now Ana!" He yells. I throw my head back shouting his name while Christian holds on to me and buries his face in my throat. "Oh fuck Ana…fuck!" His body is trembling and shuddering as he empties himself in me.

He slows his thrust as we both come down from our highs, and I just cling on to him not wanting this to end.

"Did I hurt you?" Is he really expecting me to be coherent at this moment? I'm carried to the vanity while Christian is still buried inside of me. He pulls out of me and pull my face to his mouth. This kiss is sweet and loving. So different then the kisses we just shared.

"Ana, did I hurt you?" He asks again and this time a frown appears on his forehead.

"No…no…that was…amazing…" God I don't even know how I am able to form a sentence while I can't even muster to open my eyes.

* * *

"SO, what movie do you want to watch?" Melissa and I are sitting in the media room while Christian takes care of some phone calls in his study.

"Something funny…no drama." She sighs and pulls the blanket over both of our legs.

"Princess Dairies?" I ask cocking my eyebrow.

"Sure…" She shrugs and settles on the couch her head resting on my shoulder.

"Geez Ana you're shaking…" She says after a while.

"Yeah, I don't know I'm just so cold you know…" I shrug it off and continue watching the movie.

"So how was the zoo?"

"Yeah, it was fun…Elliot is a total idiot sometimes…" She takes a handful of popcorn and shoves it entirely in her mouth. _Guess his mannerisms stuck with her._

"He bought this octopus hat in one of those shops and he made a total fool out of himself by wearing that stupid thing the entire day…" She rolls her eyes and stuffs her mouth full with more popcorn.

"And even though that stupid hat he was wearing was yellow he kept saying that he was Pearl from the movie "Finding Nemo". At one point he said to Megan that even one of his tentacles was shorter than the rest, well he got a smack on his head for that remark."

I laugh as I picture Elliot with that stupid hat walking around the zoo.

"But that's not all…he was constantly saying in a really annoying voice… _Aw, you make me ink_ …and he just doesn't shut up, he just keeps talking and talking…" As Melissa keeps talking about her day in the zoo my mind drifts off to the beautiful little pink dress and the adorable shoes that are now safely placed away in our walk in closet. The weekend in San Juan was perfect. The cabin, the dancing and singing then the bookshop and the little baby boutique…whale watching and the fun we had on the ride back home. A smile sneaks up on my face as I remember the bathroom sex…suddenly I bolt upright knocking the bowl of popcorn on the floor, when I realize that we didn't use a condom.

 **CPOV**

"Sir I will be leaving now."

I quickly glance at my watch and see that it is almost 7.00 pm. "Yes, of course Taylor…have fun at the theatre…"

"Thank you Sir." He turns around before leaving my office. "Sawyer brought your car this afternoon Mr. Grey...are you sure you don't want me to send Reynolds to escort you home once you are finished?"

"Positive…"

"Very well Sir."

The next time I look at my watch it is almost two hours later. I sigh and close the folders. I quickly send Ana a text message.

 **Leaving in five minutes. Love you. Christian.**

Within a few seconds I receive a text back.

 **Missed you today. Can't wait to see you. Love you more. Ana xox**

A smile creeps on my face at the idea of seeing Ana again after this horrendous day.

 **What are you wearing? Christian x**

 **What do you want me to wear? Ana x**

Easy baby…nothing. But then I remember that sexy as hell baby doll that she wore on our honeymoon.

 **White baby doll… Christian. X**

 **See you in twenty minutes. Ana.**

I quickly put everything in my briefcase, adjust myself and make my way to the lobby. I can't wait to get home.

"Kate what are you still doing here?" I am already in the lobby downstairs when I spot Kate sitting on one of the sofas. She is holding her belly with both hands and she is breathing heavily. _Shouldn't she be home already?_

"Kate?" I approach her and then when she looks up at me her face is stricken with panic.

"I…I…my water just broke…" _What water?_

"Come again?" I'm rooted at the spot. This can't be happening. No, this is definitely not happening here. I am supposed to go home and make sweet love to my wife who is waiting for me wearing that sexy as hell lingerie.

"My water just broke Christian…" _Oh that water! Fuck no…no…no…no. Just no!_ Think Grey think!

"We will get you to the hospital right away…can you walk?" I am barking at her and I really don't mean to do that. She looks terrified while she frantically holds on to her huge belly.

"Oh god!" She shrieks. And I watch her face contort into a grimace of pain. _Oh god what?_

"What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong Kate…" I am pacing the lobby at this point and my heart is beating so freaking fast that I'm afraid it is going to leap out of my chest at any given chance.

"The contractions…they are only a few minutes apart…" She pants and looks up at me with the tears gliding down her face. "I don't think I can make it to the car." She sniffs. _Well shit._

"An ambulance…I am going to call an ambulance…" She nods her head while she keeps panting and counting. _Why the hell is she counting?_ I reach into my pocket for my phone. "Fuck, I left my phone in my office." I curse while I am already walking towards the elevator.

"No! Don't leave me…please don't leave me…my phone…" She points to her bag that is lying on the marble floor. "Oh fuck this hurts!" She yells again.

For the first time in my life I don't know what to do. I'm terrified. I run to where she is sitting and grab her bag from the floor. Compared to Ana, Kate's bag is almost empty so I find her phone immediately.

With shaky fingers I dial my mother's number instead of 9-1-1. My mom can call the ambulance in the meantime.

"Christian?" Relief surges through my body when I hear my mom's calm and reassuring voice.

"Mom…mom it's me Christian…Kate is having her baby mom…we are at GEH and I don't know what to do mom. She is hurting and crying…mom you need to help me." I am rambling and I am holding so fucking tight to the phone that it is a miracle I haven't broken it in two.

"Christian…what are you saying…will you please calm down for me?"

"Mom…please…I was heading home and Kate was in the lobby…mom she is having a baby and I am alone with her…please mom just tell me what to do…" I look at Kate who is looking more terrified by the second.

"Put me on speaker phone Christian…" With trembling fingers I do as I'm told and place the phone next to Kate. In the meantime I hear my mother telling someone to send an ambulance to GEH. _Thank God._

"Kate…this is Grace sweetie… can you tell me how far along you are?"

"I am 35 weeks…this is too soon…" She sobs and for the first time I feel sorry for her. God, please don't let anything happen to this little baby.

"I need you to stay calm Kate…remember that your body knows exactly what to do." My mother's voice is calm and pleasant and I see Kate relax slightly.

"Okay…" Kate whimpers.

"Now, how hare apart are your contractions?" My mom asks.

"A few minutes…I'm not sure…but they hurt Grace…and my water's broken and I need to push…I need to push really bad." Kate is hysterical and crying.

"Okay Kate…you are experiencing sings that delivery is imminent…" _Well no shit mom._

"Where is that goddamn ambulance…" I roar.

"Christian, I need you to calm down and listen carefully to what I am going to say."

"Calm? Mom I can't do calm…Kate is lying here in the fucking lobby and she is having a baby…a baby mom! I have never done this before…I need that ambulance…" I ramble and look at the phone hoping that an EMT will magically appear.

My mother ignores me and starts speaking with Kate.

"Kate I need you to make yourself as comfortable as possible….can you wash your hands for me and your vaginal area?" Kate's eyes widen as she looks at me. _Oh Fuck._

"Christian, I need you to wash your hands too. Get a bucket of warm water and at least four clean towels. Can you do that for me Christian?" She asks when I don't reply immediately.

"Yes, yes I can do that…I'll be right back…" I say looking at Kate.  
"No … please don't go…" She cries.

"Kate I need to get some towels and water…you heard my mother…" I point to the phone and I'm amazed at how calm my voice sounds. My feelings are something different, because right now I don't even know what I am feeling. But I need to help her. I won't let anything happen to this little baby. I kneel next to her and take her clammy hand in mine. "My mom is the best…she won't let anything happen to you okay…I have towels in the bathroom upstairs and I have to find a bucket. I promise I will be as fast as possible…" She nods her head while the tears are streaming down her face.

When I start walking to the elevator I hear my mother telling Kate that she needs to lie on her left side.

As soon as the elevator reaches my floor I rush towards the bathroom and grab as much towels as possible. Then I run over to the janitor's closet, grab a clean bucket and fill it with water. In less than five minutes I am back at the lobby where my mom is still talking to Kate.

"I'm back…" I kneel in front of Kate who is now lying on the couch on her left side just like my mother told her to do. I grab one of the towels and cover her legs.

"Why don't you clean…uhm…yourself…" I say feeling totally out of place and pointing awkwardly to the towels and the bucket filled with water.

I turn around to give her some privacy while I hear the rustling of clothes and her heavy panting. In the meantime I discard my jacket and roll the sleeves of my shirt to my elbows.

"I need to push…I need to push so badly…" Kate cries. She is panting and sweating profusely.

"Kate you need to resist the urge to push…you can risk the baby coming out to quick and damaging delicate tissue. Pant with me Kate…Christian you too…" My mom says.

 _Why the fuck do I need to pant_? "Mom…" I whine.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey…I said pant…"

"Yes ma'am…" I mutter and roll my eyes.

"Kate, I want you to take a deep, cleansing, relaxing breath at the beginning and end of each contraction…this will help sharpen your focus, but it also provides more oxygen for your baby,

your muscles and your uterus."

I nod at Kate and breathe in and out with her. "Can I please hold your hand…" she whispers. "I'm so afraid…"

I take her hand in mine and try to give her a reassuring smile. "You are doing so good Kate…nothing will happen to your baby okay? Now listen to my mom…she is on her way in the ambulance…" She nods her head and squeezes the hell out of my hand when she is hit with another contraction. _Fuck that hurts._

Kate breathes in and out the pauses between her contractions are short. She closes her eyes but never let's go of my hand. Suddenly her eyes open wide. "Grace…it burns…it hurts so much…" Kate is crying and squeezing the ever loving shit out of my hand. _Jesus Christ._

"Christian…I need you to look if the baby is crowning…" I close my eyes and when I open them again Kate is looking at me. "I'm sorry…" I murmur. And I am…I can truly say that I am sorry that I will be checking her….vagina. Pussy just seems the wrong word at this moment even though I despise the word vagina.

"It's okay…" She whispers back. Christ, this is the most uncomfortable thing I have ever had to do. With another apologetic glance at Kate, I slowly lift the towel and look between her legs.

"What do you see Christian?" Holy mother of fuck…this looks…horrific.

"I…I think I see his head mom…" My voice is shaking and I push the need away to throw up.

"Good, now Kate listen carefully okay…you are almost there sweetie…in just a few moment you will be able to hold you little baby…"

"Okay…tell me what to do…I just want him out." Kate is panting and crying at the same time.

"Focus on your breathing and try to breathe the baby out. This way you will decrease the risk of tearing. Lean back and try to go limp Kate…"

Kate tries to follow my mother's instruction, but she looks absolutely exhausted and still terrified.

"Come on Kate…you heard my mom…"

"But I'm so afraid… and it hurts Christian…it really hurts…I want my mom and I want Greg…I was supposed to have a caesarian…and drugs!" She cries.

"Kate…sweetie…try to relax for me…" It is amazing that my mom can sound so relaxed knowing that her son is with a woman who is giving birth for the first time. _I should worry if I was her._

"Okay…please hurry Grace…"

"Now when you feel the next contraction I want you to push three times okay?"

"Okay…"

"Christian…once the baby's head becomes visible, place your hands there as best as possible. Do not pull Christian…just gently guide him out during the contractions."

"I won't pull mom…I won't I promise…mom…there is a small amount of blood is that normal? Please hurry mom…"

"Yes, Christian that is perfectly normal, now stay calm we are just a few blocks away son…"

Kate is hit with another contraction and she starts pushing just like my mother told her to do. And while I am sitting in between her legs on the couch it is like I am having an out of body experience. This can't be happening.

"Christian if you find the umbilical cord around the baby's neck, hook a finger under it and slowly loosen it enough to ease it over his head." _I can do this. I can do this. Don't pass out Grey._

Kate is moaning and panting. Her hands are in tight fists.

"Kate a little more of your baby's head is visible…" I hear myself say. Kate takes a deep breath, then she gives a long, low moan and pushes.

"Hold on Kate I am almost there…" My mom is also panting in the phone and I hear different sounds in the background. Then the doors open and my mom comes walking in with two EMT's following her. _Thank God!_

"Mom…" Never in my entire life have I been so glad to see my mother.

My mother throws her phone on the couch and gently pushes me aside. "Hi Kate…you are doing wonderful…I can see his little head." I don't know how my mom did it but she is already wearing gloves and the other two EMT's are preparing stuff.

"Kate can you sit straighter for me and pull your knees towards your body?" Kate opens her eyes slowly and nods her head. But she is so exhausted that she isn't able to hold up anymore. "Christian, you need to help her…support her back and hold her leg like this…" I immediately do what my mom tells me in the meantime I am praying for this baby to be born healthy. Please don't let anything happen to this baby.

"Kate you need to listen very carefully now…when I tell you to stop pushing you need to stop okay?"

"Okay…"

"Now do not push…not push…blow…blow…"

Kate starts blowing.

"Okay…now give me a small push…gently….yes Kate you are doing amazing…!" My mom is watching Kate closely.

"Enough Kate, now stop pushing and blow hard … keep blowing. When I tell you in a minute I need you to give me another gentle push…"

"The contraction is gone…" Kate leans her head back against the couch and closes her eyes.

"The head is almost born Kate… you are doing so good…" My mom encourages her.

"I'm never ever having sex again!" She cries. I stifle a smile when my mom watches me with her eyebrow raised. "Shit! This hurts…it burns Grace…it burns…" Kate is squeezing the shit out of my hand.

"Oh God…there is another contraction!"

"Gently…yes it is coming Kate…stop pushing…yes…there is the head Kate!" My mom says enthusiastically. "Now after the shoulders are born, the rest of the body usually slides out easily…" My mother continues in her no nonsense voice.

"When you feel another contraction I want you to push slowly Kate…you are nearly there sweetheart…"

Kate is hit with another contraction and after a few seconds I hear a baby cry. Thank god…fuck he is crying that means he is all right.

"Here he is…a beautiful baby boy…" Kate is crying when my mother gently places the baby on her belly. "Is…is he all right Grace…he wasn't supposed to be born yet…"

The moment her eyes meet her son's face she smiles. Kate actually smiles.

My mom cuts the umbilical cord with the help of one of the EMT's.

"Christian?" Kate's voice pulls me from my stupor and I look at her teary eyes and then back to the little boy laying on her chest. She has her arms protectively wrapped around him while she plants little kisses on the top of his bald head. _He really is freaking tiny._

"Yes…" I croak and focus my attention back to Kate.

"Thank you…" She starts crying again and fuck I feel sorry for her.

"You did a good job Kavanagh…and that is one sweet little guy you have there…" I look at the baby in her arms again and see him yawning quietly.

"Will you be able to go home Christian? Where is Taylor?" My mother is taking off the gloves and looking around the reception area.

I just wave her off and take her in a hug. "Thanks mom for everything…"

"I will call you later okay baby boy." She says lovingly and squeezes my arm. "We need to take Kate to the hospital…"

I turn around to look at Kate again. "Congratulations Katherine…" I emphasize her name and this time she smiles and rolls her eyes.

"Thank you Mr. Grey…" She smiles again.

* * *

When I finally enter the penthouse Ana is pacing the great room. She is wearing black yoga pants and my Harvard sweater. "Sawyer, have you found him yet?" She is silent for a while listening to what Sawyer has to say. "No…no I still can't reach him…he texted me that he would be here in twenty minutes but more than one hour has passed…" She is crying uncontrollably.

"No…no I can't reach him…" She sounds exasperated.

"Ana?" I say finally finding my voice. Ana immediately turns around her teary eyes get wide as saucers and her mouth goes slack while she eyes me up and down.

"He…he is here Sawyer…" Lowering the phone from her ear she stares at me for the longest time, then the frightened expression on her face changes to anger. Cold blue eyes are staring at me.

"Where the hell have you been?" She yells. "Do you have any idea how worried I have been this past hour and a half? I called and called and called!" She is now crying again and her eyes are locked on mine.

"Baby…let me explain…" I hold my hands up in a sign of defeat hoping that she gives me a chance to explain.

"Don't you baby me Christian!" He voice wavers at the end and I know she is holding on to a thread.

This isn't anger speaking. This is pure fear. _Agony._

She slumps into the couch and buries her face in her hands. I quickly make my way to the couch and take her in my lap. Her arms immediately wrap around my neck and she cries with her head tucked away in the crook of my neck.

"I thought…I thought something horrible had happened…" She cries. "I even called the police Christian…"

"I'm okay baby…I am fine…something just came up and I couldn't…"

She then leans back and starts touching my face, shoulders, arms and chest. "Are you sure you aren't hurt?" She whispers. She probably didn't hear one word I said…she somehow believes something happened to me.

"Ana…" I take her beautiful face in my hands and watch the tears gliding down her cheeks. "I'm fine…Kate…went into labor…she was at GEH…"

For the first ten seconds Ana just stares at me. Her eyes wide her mouth opens and closes…like she is trying to say something, but her brain can't come up with anything.

"Ana…Kate just had a little baby boy and as far as I know…he is healthy…really tiny but healthy…"

"But…but how…she wasn't due yet…" She finally manages to say. "And…and…oh my god Christian…you helped her deliver her baby?"

I just nod my head and close my eyes. _Fuck, I want to erase all those memories of Kate giving birth._

"But why in the hell didn't you call me Christian?" She is back at being angry again.

"I left my phone at my desk…" I shake my head and smile. "I was in such a fucking hurry to come home to you…I forgot and then…things went so fast and Kate was crying…she didn't want to be alone…she was afraid Ana."

"Is she all right? Is the baby going to be all right? Did you call the ambulance? What is his name…and did you call Greg?" Ana is firing questions at me while looking into my eyes the anger slowly fading away into excitement and worry.

"My mom was there…" I shrug. "I called her instead of calling an ambulance…she was at the hospital with my dad and she drove with the ambulance to GEH. She came right on time…just in time for the baby to be born."

"Okay…" Ana says. "But are you sure they are both all right?"

"Why don't you call my mother? You can ask her how Kate and the baby are doing. In the meantime

I'm going to shower…" I place a loose tendril of hair behind her ear and kiss the tip of her nose.

* * *

What in the fucking hell am I doing here? I look at my wife walking through this humongous baby store as if she does it every single day. After Ana talked to my mom, we decided to postpone our visit to see Kate the next day since Ana wanted to buy her a gift. _Another one that is._

So here I am following my wife like a lost puppy. "What was it again that we are looking for?" I ask carefully. And I really ask this carefully because when I asked her why there were like a hundredth different baby feeding bottles Ana rolled her eyes, quite exaggerated I might add. I mean honestly, how the fuck am I supposed to know this kind of shit? I mean for the love of god the moron who invented the name "Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Feeding Bottle" should be locked away for life.

"Nappy cake" Ana answers without looking up.

Right, now I remember a Nappy Cake…no idea what that is supposed to be, but hell I'm not risking another glare from my wife.

Ana sighs nevertheless and stops. "A nappy cake looks like a tiered cake, but have none of the calories as they are totally non-edible." _Non-fucking-edible? Then what is the whole point of a cake?_

"A nappy cake is made from rolled up nappies and tied with ribbons, wrapped with blankets or muslins, then they are filled with baby essentials, which can include hats, bibs, sleep suits, scratch mitts, all practical items." She looks at me expectantly, one of her perfect eyebrows slightly raised. _Yeah, Grey she is not impressed at all._ But before I have the time to formulate or even think about a really intelligent question, one that will blow her off her sexy heels, a chipper and very blond sales-assistant makes her way to us.

"Good morning." Her beady eyes linger a little too long in my direction then she looks at Ana and realization sets in.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grey welcome to _Pitter Patter_ , how can I help you?" I chuckle when I hear the name Pitter Patter…how could I have missed that?

"We are looking for a nappy cake." Ana responds. In the meantime she is squeezing the hell out of my hand.

"Ah the nappy cake" The sales-assistant says animatedly. "They are so very popular at the moment. There is a range of sizes and designs to choose from…please follow me." She starts to walk through the store and we follow.

"Please behave…" Ana whispers at me. I just smile.

And then we finally arrive at Nappy cake-land, because holy fuck…she wasn't lying when she said that these things come in a range of sizes and designs to choose from. We have just entered Nappy-cake-land-twilight zone.

"So, here we have the classic Nappy cake which is one of the most simple and popular. Over there we have the Miffy nappy cake. The Miffy nappy cake is brimming with lots of baby essentials and finished off with a cute Miffy soft toy." _Who the fuck is Miffy?_ I should ask Sam the next time I see him.

"Then we have the unique Peter Rabbit and Jemima Puddle duck Nappy Cakes which are bursting with baby goodies and is the top of the range of nappy cakes, to make that little baby feel extra special." I take a good look at the sales-assistant and I really have to refrain in rolling my eyes. _Why is she talking like an idiot? For the love of God, you are talking about Nappy Cakes._

I zone out when she points out the neutral brown bear Nappy cake. My eyes wander through the store until they stop at a little boy in a buggy. He looks angry, bored and actually a little sad. And I can totally relate with him. Someone with a dick between his legs should avoid coming into this store. _At all costs._ But just like me that little blond guy probably didn't have a choice.

The little boy is trying to attract his mother's attention in every possible way. First, he start babbling nonstop making bubbles at the same time. _Really impressive_. Then, when this doesn't accomplish in getting his mother's attention he throws his pacifier on the floor. Then he starts kicking his feet. _Yup he is losing control._ And then he starts calling his mother incessantly. It serves no purpose. His mother is holding something in her hand and looking closely at the package and totally ignoring the little boy.

After a while he stops the screaming and the leg kicking. Really his mother is probably deaf or stupid. _Possibly both._ Then he focusses on something in the distance. Like the curious fucker I am, I lean a little to the left and see that he is looking at a TV. They are showing an episode of Sponge Bob Square pants. While the little boy is completely under the spell of the annoying talking sea sponge and his utterly stupid friend Patrick, I see his right hand slowly making his way towards his little button nose. And without giving it a second though I see the little finger completely disappearing into his nose. I blink. _Christ that is gross._

His finger stays in his nose for a long time and he keeps digging and digging, he even cocks his little head to the side. _Probably for a better angle._ Then he withdraws his finger and his attention goes from Sponge Bob to his snotty finger. He studies it very thorough and then while his eyes focus back on the TV screen his finger makes his way to his mouth. _Fuck little dude! That is wrong. That is very, very wrong. And not to mention disgusting, revolting, sickening and socially unacceptable._

"…And then we have Mother and Baby Nappy Cake. This nappy cake is aimed to pamper any new mum with the relaxing Avent Mothers must have set included in it, and, of course, there are baby essentials brimming in this nappy cake too." The sales-assistant is still droning about those shitty Nappy cakes. _Time to wrap this up._

"We will take this one." I grab the blue colored nappy cake from the shelf and turn to my wife.

"Christian…" She says and crinkles her nose.

"Baby…please…"

"Uhm… okay…" Ana says and smiles to the sales lady. "We are in a hurry…" She says apologetically.

"Now what was that all about?" Ana huffs as we take our seat in the back of the SUV.

"There was a little boy in that store Ana…and he was eating his own snot…" I see Taylor holding back a grin as he pulls up into traffic. _Fucker._

"What?" Ana says now turning so that her entire body is facing me.

"He was eating snot Anastasia, eating mucus also known as the act of extracting nasal mucus with one's finger and the succeeding action of ingesting the mucus from the nose-picking!" _There I couldn't be any clearer._

"Jesus Christ Christian…" Ana shakes her head and shudders. _Yeah, thought so…_

Greg's mother is not a pleasant women. Well "not pleasant" wouldn't be an accurate description. This is a woman for who you clean the half of your closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep. _Jesus Christ._ I almost feel sorry for Kate. _Nah…I don't._

I watch Ethan whispering something to Ana while making weird faces, mimicking the woman who hasn't stopped complaining since we set foot in the room. Ana giggles and carefully takes a step back when the woman stares at her with her eyebrow raised. _Fuck she is creepy._

"Katherine…" She says in this haughty voice. "I have an appointment with my friends to have lunch, tell Greg that I will see you later this evening." Without even saying goodbye she struts out of the room. The smell of her horrible perfume still lingering in the air. So here I am standing in a somewhat small room carrying the monstrosity called Nappy Cake.

Suddenly the door opens and a nurse comes walking in pushing a small transparent cot into the hospital room. She is followed by Greg who has the biggest smile on his face and looks like shit.

"Oh my god." Ana gasps and grabs my hand in the process. Her eyes are following the nurse who carefully takes the baby out of his cot and gently hands it to Kate who only has eyes for her son.

I don't know if they gave her some chill pill or that motherhood finally changed her. I don't think Kate and I will ever be friends, but one thing is for sure. She is strong, and the way she handled the birth of her firstborn with a guy she can't stand and who tossed her out of his office a little more than one year ago, well let's just say I have started to like her a little bit. Though I will never say that out loud.

"Doesn't he have to stay at the NICU" Ana asks. Her eyes go from the little baby to Kate.

"No, he is healthy and he is breathing perfectly fine on his own. We probably have to stay for two or three days in the hospital."

"That's great news…" Ana whispers. She takes a step forward. "God Kate…you are a mommy…" her voice breaks and then she giggles nervously. "Who would have thought…"

"Do you want to hold him?" Kate says looking at my wife.

"Don't you need to feed him?" Ana asks nervously.

"No I just fed him before you guys came." She smiles at Ana reassuringly. "Here take him. He needs to meet his Auntie Ana."

Fascinated and mesmerized I watch as Kate gently places her little son in Ana's arms. Ana isn't acting awkward or nervous, no it is as if she has done it a hundredth times before. She is a natural.

She knows exactly how to hold him. I honestly thought Ana was going to cry the minute she held that boy in her arms, but yet again my wife surprises me. Because once she is holding the baby she turns around and walks to the chair where she carefully sits down. The smile that appeared on her face the moment she got to hold that little baby was dazzling.

"He is perfect..." She whispers to no one in particular.

"What's his name?" This time she looks up and her eyes switching from Kate to Greg.

"His name is Jesse" Kate says proudly.

"What does it mean?" Ethan asks. He is standing close to Ana gazing down at his nephew.

"It means gift…" Kate says and she starts sniffling. _Oh fuck the damn hormones again._

"It is a beautiful name Kate…" Ana replies. "Hi Jesse…I'm Ana. Welcome to this world." She pauses briefly and brushes her finger across his little cheek. "I am going to buy you lots and lots of books." Giggling she continues to rub Jesse's cheek. "You are going to grow up to be so amazing…and you made your mommy and daddy very happy." She bends down and kisses his fore head, her eyes closed. The moment she opens her eyes they lock with mine. Tears are lingering but she manages to blink them away. _Oh Ana._

"Sis, I need to go." Ethan says looking at his watch. "I will come back tomorrow." He first kisses Ana's forehead, then his nephew's and proceeds to Kate.

"Greg, take care." Ethan nods his head to Greg and walk to where I'm standing. "Thank you for helping out my sister." He shakes my hand and claps my shoulder with the other one.

"Do you want to hold him Christian?" Kate asks. She winces when she shifts in the bed to probably find a comfortable position.

"No…I never held a little baby before…I don't want to hurt him." Cautiously I take a step back until my back is touching the wall. I hold the Nappy cake in front of my face to hide the anxiety.

"You will do fine. Just make sure to support his head." Kate says reassuringly. Maybe she knocked her head during the drive from the hospital. Because fuck, her behavior is frightening.

"Greg, can you help me to the bathroom please?" Kate whispers and blushes. "I rather don't want call the nurse again."

"Sure baby…come…"

"Sit" Ana says and looks at the empty chair next to her. _Yes ma'am._

I clear my throat while I take a seat next to Ana and wait for further instructions. "Place your arms just like mine." Ana says smiling.

She places the little boy in my arms and fuck he is really, really tiny. He looks kind of angry though. However I would be angry too if my mom happened to be Kate. His hands are really small and his fingers are long. And his nails…he has the most perfect little nails. Wrapped in a light blue blanket and wearing a little white hat he looks freaking cute. "Hi dude…I'm Christian." I chuckle nervously and quickly look at Ana who is grinning. "Okay, this is how it is going to work. Your life's mission is to make your mommies life a little miserable. You know… scream every time she puts you down…shit your diaper time and time again." I smirk at Ana who is shaking her head. "But really little guy you managed to cock block my evening yesterday. And as for the books she is buying you…those are lame…I am going to buy you things that are way cooler than some stupid book…" He then gives me the cutest yawn I have ever seen before. "You're boring him." Ana deadpans with a smile on her face.

"Oh and one more thing Jesse…never ever pick your nose in public." _Yeah I think those are rather good advises._


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 21 – An unexpected encounter**

 **APOV**

"Do you really have to go?"

Persistent, tenacious, determined, unrelenting and incredibly stubborn. Those are the words best to describe my husband at this moment. He is sitting on the edge of our bed in his tux, looking incredibly handsome but sulking nonetheless.

"I already told you that I would take Sawyer and Reynolds with me, what more do you want Christian?" I'm exhausted of having this conversation. Somehow Christian had totally forgotten about the Nickelback concert, that… until Ethan mentioned it at Sam's birthday party. That was three days ago and not a day has passed without Christian mentioning it. I really don't know what to say or do anymore. One thing I know for sure; I am going.

I have been looking forward to it and I really want to go. I understand Christian's fear of something happening to me, but on the other hand I can't stay at home to placate him. He somehow has to deal with this. At first I thought that it had something to do with my so called crush on the lead singer, but now I am starting to think that it is something entirely different. Something that Christian doesn't want to share with me.

"Franco did an amazing job with your hair." _Ah. Change of tactic. He is good…I'll give him that._

"Thanks…" I watch him through the mirror while I put the last touches on my make-up. Just like Franco instructed me this afternoon. I smile as I remember Franco's enthusiasm and antics. _He really is something else._

Secretly I am proud of myself too. I didn't have a panic attack when Franco came here this afternoon to work on my hair. Sure, Nana was sitting right next to me…holding my hand, reassuring me and telling me stories about Poppa and Christian was on speaker. It is getting easier. There were no flashbacks, and luckily I didn't even experience that overwhelming feeling of the walls closing down on me or that prickling sensation on my scalp every time someone touches my hair. Well someone who is not Christian.

"So tell me something about this gala…" I already know of course, but everything to change his sulky mood.

He sighs and rakes both hands through his hair and takes the invitation from his inside pocket.

"At 6 pm there is cocktails and a silent auction, then at 7.30 Dinner, live auction and a raffle and by 9 pm Michael Bublé will entertain the attendees." Christian is speaking in a dull and monotone voice. Not even trying to hide the fact that he isn't pleased. When I don't react he slowly lifts his face until he meets my eyes.

"I'm sorry Ana…it's just…" He says looking really upset. Slowly standing from the bed he makes his way through the room and takes my face in his hands.

"I am really sorry…let's forget about this whole concert thing and enjoy the evening." I am definitely not forgetting about this whole concert _thing_ , like he put it, but for now I will give it a rest.

"You really look absolutely gorgeous baby…" Tenderly he brushes his knuckles along my cheek and smiles shyly.

His shy smiles slowly transforms into a mischievous grin. "Are you wearing underwear this time?"

I just smile back and stand on my toes to kiss his perfect mouth.

Christian's grin just grows wider as he tries to lift my dress to look if I am actually wearing underwear. "He no fondling Mr. Grey…we have a fundraiser to attend…" I swat his hands away and quickly make my way to the walk in closet to get my shoes. My shoes…my beautiful pink, Christian Louboutin shoes…I hold them in my hands and make a quick decision…Of course I am going to wear them…they are beautiful and they match my gown, but…the heels are high and I know that by the end of the night my feet are going to hurt like hell. I slip my shoes on and walk back to the bedroom where Christian is waiting for me.

"I have something for you…" His smooth baritone voice pulls me from my thoughts.

With a smile he hands me a now familiar Cartier box. "I asked them to leave it unwrapped…" He shrugs lamely and continues. "I always get nervous when you start slowly unwrapping gifts I give you…" Even though Christian has gotten me several beautiful gifts along these past few months I always get these little butterflies in my stomach. His gifts are always meaningful and thoughtful and not to forget absolutely beautiful.

"Orchids?" I say when I open the box and see the beautiful necklace and the matching earrings.

"Yeah…the meanings of orchids are generally regarded as symbolic of rare and delicate beauty."

His voice is hoarse. "To me you are delicate and beautiful Anastasia…"

Slowly brushing my fingers along the delicate diamond flowers I blink a few tears away. What Christian probably doesn't know is that in ancient Greece it was believed that orchids were a symbol of fertility and virility.

"It is beautiful Christian…thank you…"

"Everything for my gorgeous wife." He watches my face closely and smiles again. "Happy tears?" He asks.

"Yeah…happy tears…"

Christian helps me putting on the delicate necklace planting soft little kisses in my neck.

"I love you Anastasia…"

* * *

And before I know it we're in the car on the way to the Fairmont Olympic hotel where the fundraiser is being held.

Christian already warned me that there would be a lot of press present for this fundraiser, however I didn't anticipate there would be so much of them. There is a red carpet leading to the hotel with fences on both sides. The press is standing behind those fences shouting and clicking their cameras. It is crazy really. The moment Christian helps me out of the car I am blinded by the camera lights. Christian has his arms tightly wrapped along my waist while Sawyer is standing protectively on my other side. Taylor is walking in front of us. _Geez._

There are different questions thrown in our direction. Luckily I am not able to hear what they are shouting since they are all talking at the same time. My only goal is to reach that front door without falling flat on my ass. _Now, that would be embarrassing._ Christian keeps whispering reassuring and sweet words in my ear and I am glad because this is insane.

We are posing for the photographer especially hired for the event, an older man with a reassuring smile when suddenly above all the screaming and the clicking of the dozens and dozens of camera's one question reaches me, chilling me to the bone. Christian next to me stiffens and growls.

It only takes a matter of seconds before I make a decision. Straightening my shoulders and taking a deep breath I make eye contact with the journalist who just threw this demeaning question at us. And for once and for all I am determined to stop these accusations, insinuations and lies.

I walk towards the journalist with the outrageous question. "Ana, is it true that you are filing for a divorce due to the miscarriage? Is it true that your husband is having an affair?"

As I approach the journalist, a woman with blond bleached hair and red lips the crowd goes silent. You can hear a pin drop.

"A few weeks ago a newspaper and different media outlets began questioning whether our marriage was in trouble. This speculation seems to stem from the fact that my husband and I suffered from a miscarriage. This in itself is no justification for allegations of this kind, which are untrue, deeply hurting and distressing to my husband and myself. Christian and I believe that everyone has a right to a private life. However, I feel now that it is necessary to give some background because I have had enough of the continuing and hurtful speculations about us. Christian and I would love to start a family. Sadly this has proved more difficult for us. Like my father in law stated in the press release we indeed suffered a miscarriage, and we are indeed still grieving for the loss of our pregnancy. We are aware that the stress of a miscarriage can often strain a marriage, but in our case, thankfully, it has only brought us closer together. It has been an immensely traumatic and painful experience but our marriage is strong and we will face whatever the future brings together. If I recall correctly, it was your newspaper that reported the miscarriage without ever checking the story with us. The reason for me to comment now is because of the untrue rumors circulating which repeatedly call our marriage into question. We wish everyone to know that we are very happily married."

Even though my entire body is trembling I lean a little bit closer to Christian and gather strength from his presence beside me and take a big gulp of air.

"It is very regrettable to have to make this personal statement, but this is the straightforward truth. We will not be making any further comment on these matters. Instead, I would like to ask you to devote your attention to the reason for this fundraiser, which is developing safer, more effective treatments for kids battling illness." With a last nod of my head I turn to Christian who is looking at me proudly and make our way to the entrance.

I am still shaking and questioning my sanity when we enter the Spanish ballroom. The room is impressive and grand with the regal chandeliers, surrounded by Palladian windows. We enter the room via a grand staircase. It is absolutely amazingly beautiful.

The room is already filled with people. Talking, mingling and obviously having a good time.

"Are you all right Ana?" Christian leads me to a corner of the massive room and rubs his hands along my arms.

"I'm fine…really…I'm sorry that I reacted that way…but it…" I don't get the chance to finish my sentence when Christian crushes his lips against mine.

"I am in awe of you Ana." He says after pulling away. "The way you handled that bitch…" He shakes his head and smiles his shy smile. _My favorite smile._ "You did it with elegance and grace…Jesus baby, you almost gave me a boner out there…" A nervous giggle escapes my lips as I look around us, checking if someone overhead him.

"Come one beautiful, I want to show off my wife."

* * *

Keep smiling Ana…just keep that freaking smile on your face. I have this feeling that my face is going to crack into little pieces the moment I am able to get away from this lady. Don't get me wrong, she is nice and sweet but I really don't care about her dog…a Chihuahua to be exact. At first I was a little bit confused when she started talking about her _baby_.

And really I am not someone to judge easily, but this woman has to be the same age as Nana, so I could hardly imagine that she was talking about a real baby. It became clear the moment she showed me picture after picture from her baby. A long haired Chihuahua named Donatello.

Donatello is black and white and his eyes are bulgy and huge compared to the rest of his little body. In one of the pictures she showed me Donatello wearing a red checkered bow tie. _Poor little doggy._

In the short time I have been talking to her I know everything there is to know about her beloved Donatello. Donatello loves to sleep in his customized basket, he loves to play outside preferably when it isn't raining, what of course is a huge freaking challenge when you happen to live in Seattle…

Tuning out of the tedious monologue I lock eyes with my handsome husband. He is talking to a bald man. Christian looks bored too. He has his arms crossed in front of his chest making the material of his expensive tuxedo strain against his muscles. Every now and then he rubs his hands along his jaw. His hair is like usual…a sexy disarray of copper waves.

When Mrs. Wellington slowly touches my arm my head snaps back at her friendly face and I smile apologetically. I don't think she minds very much though, because she keeps talking and talking…then what shocks me the most is when she tells me that poor little Donatello suffers from heavy diarrhea. Okay…plan B…get to Christian.

"If you please excuse me Mrs. Wellington. I need to check something with my husband." I say smiling at her.

"Of course my dear. Please give my regards to Grace and Carrick." I just nod and smile.

"Want to see what I am wearing underneath this dress?" His face lights up like a Christmas tree and when we have made our way through the maze of corridors Christian ushers me into a room and closes the door behind him.

I do not even know in what kind of room we ended up. All I know is that the door is locked and that my husband's eyes are gazing down on me.

"So you wanted to show me your underwear baby?" He says huskily. His lips are brushing against mine.

"Yes…" I breathe.

"Then please allow me…" Grabbing me by my shoulders he turns me around until I am facing the white door. With the utmost care he then brushes with his fingertips from my neck to the little buttons on my back.

It is really amazing that even when he is working on the buttons it seems like a sexual act. Everything is measured and controlled. A few moment later my dress falls on the floor and I step over it as sexy as possible. I am now only wearing my white lace see through bodice and my shoes.

"Turn around Ana…" Christian demands.

Ever so slowly and holding my breath I turn around and watch my husband's eyes almost bulge out of his sockets.

"Jesus Christ Ana…" He swallows.

The next moments are a complete blur when we both try to get Christian out of his clothes. Taking a condom from his pants pockets now somewhere on the floor he covers himself. "Turn around baby…you have to be quiet though…" He whispers.

"Can you be quiet?" His hands are roaming my body.

"No…" I say and I hear him chuckling against my hair.

"You have to okay…and it is going to be fast…the raffle starts in a few minutes…"

I nod and push my body against his, urging him to stop talking. "And don't even think about rolling your eyes Anastasia…" There is a hint humor in his voice when he says this and even though we are about to have sex during a fundraiser in one of Seattle most expensive hotels I giggle…probably totally killing the mood. And even though I didn't roll my eyes…I wanted to. Christian leaves me little time to overthink things when he pushes my bodice to one side and slowly slides his fingers through my folds.

"Turn around baby, I need to see your face…" Christian grumbles. He turns me around before I even have the chance to move and lifts me up effortlessly and sets me down to what feels like a desk.

"Open your legs and stop thinking Ana…"

I open my legs for him and in the dim lightning of the room I see him guiding his erection into my folds. We both breathe out a groan when Christian slides into me. When he starts moving his mouth is everywhere, sucking and kissing. I grab his hair and burry my face into the crook of his neck. This is totally wild fucking, his balls slapping against my skin, his fingers roughly brushing against my breasts.

And then sooner than I would like that feeling starts to build taking me higher and almost leaving me breathless. As to not cry out his name I dig my teeth into his shoulder.

"Fuck!" Christian roars when he reaches his climax. _And he tells me I should be quiet._ We stay like this for a couple of moments and it is Christian who ends the silence. "Christ that was…"

"Fast?" I say.

"That too…" He laughs quietly and pulls out of me. "What I wanted to say was amazing…" Kissing my nose he gets rid of the condom. Thoughts about the other day when we forgot to use one seep into my brain. I never discussed this with Christian and I should. _I really should._

"Hey you all right baby?" When I look up Christian is already almost dressed. I clear my throat. "Yeah…sure everything is fine."

Ten minutes later after Christian has assured me that I don't look thoroughly fucked we quietly open the door and slip out. When we round the corner we find Sawyer and Taylor standing there. _Crap. They know what we have been doing._ I feel the blush starting at my toes and goes straight to my head…perfectly matching the color of my dress. Christian grins and whispers. "I love your blush baby…"

And like everything is perfectly normal and we just didn't have mind blowing sex we descend the grand stairs and take a glass of champagne from one of the waiters.

With his hand on my lower back Christian guides me towards the raffle.

 **CPOV**

Anastasia is without a doubt the most beautiful woman in this room. The dress she is wearing is elegant and sexy at the same time. Franco did a wonderful job with her hair. She looks stunning. And the way she smiles and talks with the people in the room is amazing. She asks the right questions, she listens intently, no matter how boring it is, and trust me some stories are fucking boring. And when she smiles, it is a genuine and profound smile. She is perfect and she is my wife. _Mine._

Every now and then our eyes meet and sparks fly. I can't wait to have her alone. To tell her and show how much I love her.

I try to look at my watch unnoticed while a bald man with a very round and healthy face can't seem to stop talking about the stock market. I know that he is one of my mother's colleagues, and I am really hard trying to remember what this man's name is, but for the life of me I have no fucking clue. I know he always attends the Coping Together gala with his wife who is now talking to Ana. They are even close friends to my parents. I tolerate him because to be honest he is a nice guy and from what I remember my mother told me he is one of the best pediatricians. One of the best in his field.

His wife, an elegant lady with perfectly groomed hair is ceaselessly talking to my wife. Ana listens intently as she gracefully takes a sip of her champagne. Every now and then her eyes drift off to something or someone in the room. Seeing the expression on her face, she is probably ready to claw her eyes out.

I watch her gracefully excuse herself and walk into my direction. "Excuse me for a second." I tell the bald man.

With her arm linked in mine she guides me towards the stairs and then into the hallway. "Is there something wrong baby?"

She pulls me down so that my ear is next to her sinful mouth. "Want to see what I am wearing underneath this dress?" _Hell yeah!_

* * *

We arrive just back in time for the MC to announce that the raffle is about to begin and we are ushered into an adjacent room. Placing my hand on Ana's back we walk into the room. Ana gasps silently when she sees the prizes.

Unfortunately, I have been to more raffle's than I can count through the years. Normally the prizes are a car, holidays, a cruise, gift certificates and even electronic equipment. Today however there are handmade paintings created by kids. The same children who are forced to spend a lot of time in a hospital due to their illness. They have made these paintings to also make their own contribution.

"Do you like one in particular?" I whisper in her ear.

Reluctantly she tears her eyes from the paintings before she meets my eyes. "I love them all…they are so perfect and so cheerful…" She bites her lip and shrugs. "I like the one with those six elephants…they remind me of the paintings you gave me the day of our wedding…"

I knew that would be her favorite. Don't ask me why though, but I just knew. Maybe it is because they are perfectly imperfect. Maybe because of the bright colors.

"Why?" I ask her anyway.

"Because the child who crafted this obviously put a lot of effort and love into it…I just love that." She says shyly without taking her eyes of the artwork. Taking my hand in hers and squeezing it gently she continues excitedly. "I was thinking that maybe we could hang those in the hallway of the new house…"

"I think that is a lovely idea baby…" I lean down and kiss the top of her head while I inhale deeply and take in her wonderful scent. I don't care where she wants to hang that painting. If she wants I carry them along with me the entire day…as long as it makes her happy.

While I buy as many tickets as possible I watch Ana from afar and smile. She still hasn't told me what that surprise was. And trust me I have constantly been nagging her about it. I don't think she will ever mention anything about a surprise ever again.

The most frustrating part of it all is that even Taylor, Sawyer and Reynolds know what the surprise is and none of them want to say something. By what Taylor told me they had sworn that they wouldn't discuss this surprise with me. When I asked him how she achieved that he simply told me that she has bribed and threatened them.

 **Flashback.**

"Gentlemen…" I nod my head as I enter the security office.

"Mr. Grey…" Taylor and Reynolds stand up from their chair and place their hands behind their backs.

"Please sit down." I say casually. They both glance at each other warily. _Yeah, probably due to your sudden kindness Grey._

"It has come to my attention, from a very reliable source that Mrs. Grey is planning a surprise for me." I relax back in my chair and fold my arms across my chest and wait for them to spill the beans.

Silence. Crickets.

"Do I need to repeat my question?" I lean with my elbows against my knees and stare at them.

"No, Sir you don't have to repeat your question." Taylor says uncomfortable.

"Do you know what the surprise is?" My heart is beating against my chest. I am this fucking close to finally finding out what this surprise is.

"Yes, Sir I know what the surprise is." He says in that stoic way of his.

"Well then tell me what is the surprise." I see a tiny smirk forming on Taylor's face but it is quickly gone. _Fuck I really sounded too eager._

"I'm afraid we can't Mr. Grey." Taylor says definite.

"And why is that Taylor?"

"Because we made a deal with Mrs. Grey. We promised her Sir."

I rub my finger along my bottom lip and think. There has to be more to this I'm sure. However Reynolds keeps looking at the door.

"IS there something you find fascinating about the door Reynolds?" I ask now arching my eyebrow.

"No. Sir…" He shakes his head and swallows visibly. "I…I…it is just that I wouldn't want Mrs. Grey overhearing this conversation." He adds.

"What does this deal entail Reynolds?" I know that Taylor won't tell me shit…Reynolds however might succumb to my questions.

Reynolds then mutters something under his breath and I believe I hear the word cake. "What was that Reynolds?" I say now sitting a bit straighter in my chair.

A layer of sweat is forming on his upper lip, and he is shifting uncomfortably in his chair. His eyes are strained on an invisible spot behind me… probably trying to find his way out of my questions. I have to bite back a grin though. _My wife has them by the balls._ _My tiny wife has this guy sweating._

Clearing his throat he casts a sideway glance to Taylor who now looks utterly pissed. "Well…Sir…we…Ana…I mean Mrs. Grey told us what the surprise was and what we had to do and arrange to make it happen…It was amazing actually, because she had everything worked out…we only had to make one phone call…"

"He is cut off by Taylor who is madly clearing his throat." I bet he wants to kick his ass at this point.

"What phone call did you have to make Reynolds?" I raise my eyebrow at Taylor warning him silently not to interfere.

"You see Mr. Grey…I am not allowed to discuss that…"

"I am sure you are aware that I am the one who signs your paycheck every month?" I threaten.

"Yes Sir I am aware."

"SO, that means you are aware of the fact that I could fire you right this very minute?" Of course I will never fire him, but fuck I am so close to finding out about the surprise that I just can't stop myself.

"Well…Mr. Grey…Mrs. Grey already anticipated you would say this and she reassured us that no one would get fired…because she would hire us right back." He is trying really hard not to look smug, but fuck he is not doing a very good job about it.

My wife really knows me well and she really thought of everything. Think Grey…you need to fucking think and find a way to somehow avert this little setback and focus on the goal. Find out what the surprise is.

"So... About this deal." I say and motion with my finger for him to continue.

"Before she told us what the surprise was, she made us pinky swear not to tell you. You see Sir, Mrs. Grey knew that this would happen."

"She made you pinky swear?" I roar and I can't help myself…I burst out in laughter. My wife made three grown man, all three the size of a fucking closet to pinky swear. I mean Reynold is huge. His forearms are at least the size of Ana's head. Unfortunately he wasn't the first in line when they were handing out brains. He is a good guy with a perfect record though and I know he would give his life to protect Ana.

"Oh God please continue…" I say still laughing.

"Well she also made it very clear that she was an excellent shooter and that she has a hell of a right hook. She also added that if we could keep this secret she would teach us how to make a mug cake."

"A what?"

"A mug cake Sir." Reynolds continues and this time he seems almost giddy.

"What is a mug cake Reynolds?" I ask my impatience growing by the fucking second.

"Basically Sir that is a cake you make in a mug. It is easy and incredibly good. And it only takes a few minutes to prepare."

"Really?"

"Yes Sir. Mrs. Grey taught us different recipes. Like the chocolate espresso mug cake, the strawberry vanilla mug cake with vanilla glaze, chocolate and salted caramel mug cake…" His voice dies down and when I look at him his eyes are big while he stares at the door. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ This can only mean one thing. Ana. I slowly move my head to the door and yup there she is…

"Hey baby…" I squeak. "I didn't think you would finish your phone conversation with Nana so quickly." _Because normally I have to pry that fucking phone from your ear._ But I of course don't say that out loud. I am really fond of my balls and I would like to keep them for many years to come.

With a smile on her face she looks at every one of us and without answering my stupid question she sits on the chair next to mine and crosses her legs.

"So what are we talking about?" She says cheerily.

Both Taylor and Reynolds wince and then they look at me. _What. The. Fuck._

"Just some boring security issues…" I say quickly. I even wave my hand in the air making it as it is no big deal.

"Really?" She says now crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Uh huh…really." Well fuck, not only do I sound like Sam right now, but she caught me red handed. There is no way in hell she actually believes that I was talking about security. A quick glance at Taylor shows me that he is actually enjoying this. She bites back a smile and then slowly turns her head to Reynolds and Taylor. I smirk at them when I'm sure she is not watching.

"Reynolds, would you like to tell me what you were discussing?"

"Mrs. Grey…" He stutters. "I…I mean Ana…I don't…I can't…"

"Was my husband by any chance trying to squeeze information out of you about the surprise I am planning?" She looks back at me her eyes dancing with glee.

"Yes ma'am… Ana…I mean Ana…" Reynolds answers. _Tattletale! Tattletale!_

"That's what I thought." She sighs somewhat exaggerated and slowly stands from her chair.

"And did you share any information with my husband Reynolds?"

"No…no I didn't…I…we…" He waves his finger between Taylor and himself and takes a huge gulp of air. "We only told Mr. Grey about our arrangement."

"Good." She claps her hands, making Reynolds jump in his chair and turns around on her heels. "Remember, tomorrow I will teach you how to make the Chocolate Hazelnut Mug cake." She reaches the door and turns to look at me.

"See you in a bit Mr. Grey…" And that is not a question…it is an order.

It took me exactly thirty five seconds to stand up from the chair and follow Ana into the kitchen. She was rummaging through the cabinets.

"So, a mug cake?" Crossing my arms in front of my chest I hope I am a little bit intimidating.

She makes eye contact briefly and really there is not one single sign that she is intimidated by me.

"Yeah…" She breathes and tucks a tendril of hair back into her floppy bun. _Shit, she looks hot._

She proceeds gathering stuff from the cabinets completely ignoring me. Standing on her tippy toes she gets one of the biggest mugs and places it on the kitchen counter.

There is milk, an egg, honey powder, vanilla extract…and chocolate powder…she works humming some unknown song and still ignoring me.

"What are you making?" I ask taking a step forward. Because that chocolate looks really good.

"A mug cake." Her answer, comes after a few seconds of silence and it doesn't escape me that it is tainted with that little bit of sarcasm. Yeah, she isn't going to make this any easier Grey. _Grovel. You have to fucking grovel._

A few minutes later she has added everything to the mug and starts stirring as if her life is depending on it. The moment she is satisfied she places the mug in the microwave and then starts cleaning the counter. Then after no more than a minute and a half, a ping alerts her that the mug cake is finished. _That was quick_. With a flourish she opens the microwave door, opens a drawer and takes out a spoon. With a wicked grin on her beautiful face she passes right by me and sashays her sweet little ass in the direction of the great room.

"Are you going to eat that all by yourself?" I ask slumping down next to her on the couch. Because it looks really good and it smells even better. Her brows furrow slightly and then she lifts her head and stares at me.

"I actually am planning on eating it myself…" She smiles sweetly and dips the spoon in the mug. Pulling it out she slowly brings the spoon to her mouth and slowly wraps her perfect lips around the spoon filled with chocolate cake. Closing her eyes she moans softly. The sound goes straight to my dick, causing it to stir happily.

"Are you really going to eat that all by yourself?" I ask incredulously. _She wouldn't would she?_

"Yup" _And there goes another spoonful into her mouth._

"Baby…can I taste that?

"Uhm no…"

"Why not? You make them for Taylor and Reynolds _." Fuck, now I even sound whiney and pathetic…and freaking jealous._

"Actually I don't make them, they do…oh and you forgot Sawyer." And there goes another spoonful of chocolate gooey into her perfect mouth.

"Then teach me…" My eyes are still focused on her mouth.

"I'll make you a deal." _Christ, my dad would be proud of her. She should have become a lawyer._

"What kind of deal?" I ask wary.

"I will teach you how to make a delicious mug cake if you don't ask again about your surprise…" She says matter of fact.

"And what if I don't accept your deal?" I say cocky. _You can't afford cocky Grey!_

She giggles and then surprises me by straddling my lap. "If you don't accept this deal…" She moves her pelvis against my dick and winks. "Then you won't know how very delicious a mug cake tastes…" Kissing the tip of my nose I smell the chocolate from her breath. _Fuck, she is good._

"And believe me Christian…this is really, really good." Right in front of my nose she takes another spoonful.

"And how long until I get this surprise…" My eyes are glued on the fucking spoon.

"I think about…a few more days…"

"Are you taking me somewhere…?" I ask.

"Tsk…tsk…tsk…does your questioning mean that you don't accept my deal?" _I don't have another choice do I?_ But again I don't say this out loud.

"Okay…okay…I fucking agree to this proposition or deal or whatever you want to call it…you win Mrs. Grey…now let me taste that baby…" Forcefully I grab the empty spoon from her hands and then the mug. _It is empty! It is fucking empty!_

"Oops…" Laughing she tries to get off my lap, but I am faster. Holding her by her waist I place the now empty mug on the table and throw her on the couch pinning her under me.

"Don't tickle me…please don't tickle me…" She is pleading and laughing at the same time and I can only stare at her beauty.

I snap out of my stupor the moment she tries to buck me off. _As if…_

There only remains one option to let her do what I want. Deal or no fucking deal. I dig my fingers in her waist and start tickling her.

"Are you going to make me a mug cake Ana?" I ask above the sound of her laughter.

"No…." She chokes.

I keep tickling her. "What is your answer now?"

"Please…Christian…I am almost peeing my pants…" She is pulling my hair and kicking underneath me.

Then I burry my face in the crook of her neck and while tickling her I start blowing raspberries…"Oh my gosh you're drooling in my neck…Christian…stop…please…that is just so gross…" At that moment something shifted…the raspberries I was blowing in her neck turned into kisses…my hands left her waist and found their way to her breasts…we made love on the couch.

Afterwards I placed her on top of the counter and she explained to me step by step how to make the perfect mug cake. _I fucking loved it._

However…I still don't know what the surprise is…

 **End flashback.**

"What are you smiling about?" Ana slips her hand in mines and looks at me.

"I was thinking about the other day…you know the mug cake…" I shrug.

"Oh god yeah…that was fun…" She giggles and her eyes twinkle in delight. "What is your favorite one?" She asks.

"The snickerdoodle mug cake…love it…I love the cinnamon flavor…"

"Yeah, you became a mug cake expert overnight…" She smiles and her eyes focus on something or someone behind me.

"I think I earn the title Master mug-cake-expert." I kiss her fore head but she doesn't reply.

"Christian…do you know that woman…she is walking in our direction…" Her voice is small and the twinkling that was there just seconds ago is vanished. Something in the pit of my stomach is telling me not to turn around. My wife's voice and her face makes every fucking alarm bell in my head go off...

"Why do you ask? It looks as if you have seen a ghost." I whisper in her ear.

"Because she somehow looks so familiar…" Her eyes dart to mine. I see different emotions passing through her beautiful eyes and none of them are pleasant ones.

I gather all of my strength and turn around following my wife's gaze.

 _Holly mother of fuck…what the hell is she doing here?_


	22. Chapter 22 - Dominant submissive

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 22 – Dominant / submissive**

 **APOV**

I am stunned, speechless and pissed. I hope I have no reason to be pissed though, but I still am. During this evening I saw this particular woman constantly looking into our direction. I didn't give it much thought simply because people have the tendency to stare, especially since all the media attention lately and well Christian is Christian and when he enters a room woman practically fall over their own drool to get a glimpse of him. And since she wears her hair in a pixie cut with all those weird layers on one side of her face I couldn't properly see her. But when she just started walking into our direction I knew why she looked so familiar. I have seen her before. And now she is walking to us wearing a beautiful red gown with perfectly matching shoes. She carries herself with confidence, elegance and grace. She is beautiful and perfect. _All the things I am not._

She doesn't act _submissive_ at all. While I am standing in front of this woman it feels as if my throat is slowly being squeezed. My chest hurts... my heart hurts…everything hurts.

Christian's arm which a few seconds ago was playfully draped around my shoulders now feels tense and heavy. His eyes find mine and the only thing I see is trepidation.

The beautiful evening has now vanished into thin air, and we haven't even talked to her yet.

"Christian…" An older man claps Christian on his shoulders and smiles broadly. "I am glad I have the chance to talk to you, your mother already told me that you and your lovely wife would attend." The man's eyes meet mine and he extends his hands.

"Anastasia…" Christian starts after clearing his throat. "I would like you to meet Dr. Ben Holmes chief executive officer at Seattle Grace Hospital and a very good friend of my parents."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Holmes." I say extending my hand.

"The pleasure is all mine Anastasia." He smiles. He then turns his attention to the beautiful woman standing beside him.

"I wanted to introduce you to Dr. Candace King. Candace has been working for us now for the last four months and she is a very promising brain surgeon." _Not only beautiful, but smart too._

I watch in amazement how Ms. King is struggling with her behavior. She has her eyes cast down the entire time and she is fidgeting nervously with the champagne glass in her hand. _She is trying to act submissive._

"Good evening…Mr. Grey…" Her voice wavers and then she extends her perfect manicured hand and offers it to my husband. Her eyes meet his for only a brief moment.

Christian hesitates for a few seconds before he offers her his hand. "Dr. King." It is now that I notice that his stance is completely different. He seems taller and his face somehow sharper, harder even. His voice cold and detached. _This is not the Christian I know and love. This is Christian the dominant._

Bile rises up in my throat. Here I am standing at a fundraiser, meeting one of my husband's ex-submissives. A woman who has seen my husband naked and shared the most intimate thing there is to share between a man and a woman. It is like I am having an out of body experience. It's surreal and not very pleasant. And frankly I don't want this experience…I want to go back to where we were just a few minutes ago…

"I was just telling Candace that you are one of the biggest benefactors and that you have been supporting our hospital for years, especially the children's ward."

"Mrs. Grey…" She turns to me and extends her hand. Reluctantly I offer her mine too. I squeeze just that little bit harder than necessary before I release her. God, I don't even know why I am acting this way. It is clear that she is as uncomfortable as we are and that she was somehow forced into meeting the great Mr. Christian Grey. Her former dominant.

I have to admit that it hurts to stand face to face with a woman who had a sexual affair with my husband. I knew everything about them and to some extend I also know what he did to them and with them. I know from what he told me that he didn't love them and that they were only for his sexual gratification, but why does this hurt so much?

Why do I feel humiliated, embarrassed and incredibly jealous? Even though I want nothing more than to run away as far as possible. I don't. Like it is expected from me I stand next to my husband and participate in the conversation.

When Doctor Holmes asks Christian about Carrick's health I zone out. My mind wanders to my mother and the horrible things she used to say to me. How many times didn't she tell me that no man would want me? That I never wouldn't be enough? What if she was right? What if Christian, after seeing one of his former submissives, decides that he wants to go back to that lifestyle? What if he thinks he has made a mistake in marrying me?

I could never be that person for him. I can't even let him tie my hands. _Shit._

The voices around me fade and the only thing I hear in my head is my mother's voice. _I told you_ _Anastasia_ _._ _Don't tell me_ _I didn't_ _warn_ _you._

It is only when I feel Christian's arm slowly slipping around my waist and he gently pulls me towards him that the anxiety slowly starts to fade away. _What my mother told me isn't true. Christian loves me…he won't leave me…he won't._ While I hear Dr. Holmes telling us how happy they are with Dr. King because she is a great asset to the hospital, Christian presses his lips against my temple, and he leaves them there for longer than intended, I finally snap out of my haze. "I love you Ana." He whispers in my ear. _He does, he does love me. He tells me every day._

Christian hasn't spoken much since the unexpected encounter with one of his former submissives. With my hand tightly clasped in his we are now sitting in the beautifully set table, surrounded by strangers. The only emotion on his face was when Christian approached Taylor. Anger was crossing his perfect feature while he was talking to him, probably demanding to know how security could have missed this.

Christian is now making polite conversation with the person sitting next to him. But seeing the stiffness in his body and the worried expression on his face I know that he isn't invested in the conversation at all. He has only looked at me once and my heart nearly broke when I saw the sad expression in his eyes. Christian thinks I am angry…but I am not. Well, I am angry but not at him though. The possibility of something like this happening was almost inevitable. It doesn't make it any easier, quite the contrary, but I guess that seeing a former lover of your husbands stirs unpleasant emotions.

And even though I want to be angry…I simply can't. Christian has always been honest about his past…I knew about these girls…but still it feels like a complete mind fuck.  
While I gently rub with my thumb across Christian's knuckles, I try to figure out why I am still feeling that anger. Probably because it caught me off guard. Or maybe I am feeling this way because my insecurities surfaced in a matter of seconds. We were really enjoying this evening.  
Slowly shaking my head, I try to clear my mind and enjoy the exquisite food and the music. Michael Bublé is singing about birds flying high, the sun in the sky…and about feeling good. Well, at least someone is feeling good.

 **CPOV**

Shame is making its way through my body in waves. I don't even know what the man next to me is talking about. The only thing I am feeling is Ana's small hand in mine. Her hand is the only thing that is keeping me grounded and sane. I only had the courage to look at her ones and I had to quickly avert my eyes…I simply didn't want to see the rejection and the disappointment in those beautiful blue orbs. My first thought after standing face to face with Candace was to flee. As far away from her and my past. Shame and regret forcing their way up to my throat. I just wanted to get my wife out of here and protect her from the ugly horrible man I once was.

While Ana's thumb slowly caresses my knuckles I close my eyes briefly. She is so calm and collected it is amazing. I know it's just a façade though, because when we were standing face to face with Candace I watched and felt Ana slowly slipping away into her self-doubt. She had gone pale and her entire body was shaking. The only thing I could do at that moment was to hold her against me and tell her that I loved her. And that's the truth. There is no one I love more than her.

Frankly, I don't think I would have reacted so calmly if the roles would have been reversed. _I am actually sure that I wouldn't have reacted so calm…I would have ripped that guy apart limb for limb._ I can only imagine how Ana must be feeling.

She is now giggling at something the old man sitting next to her is saying. For the first time since meeting Candace I smile. _Her giggle does that to me._

I catch a glimpse of Candace sitting at another table. Frankly I didn't recognize her at first. The last time I saw her, her hair was still long. Her green eyes puffy from the crying and the pain. And I left her…I left her into Taylor's care after I dismissed her so terribly.

Candace or Candy how she preferred to be called, was my submissive for nearly six months before everything went down the fucking drain. She admitted that she wanted more. She had fallen in love with me. What I felt at that moment when she confessed her feelings for me was annoyance, irritation and anger. I don't even know why they even fell in love with me, because I was the biggest asshole ever. I always kept to the contract… I never give them any reason to think I would give them more. I didn't want more. The only thing I wanted was a dominant/submissive arrangement. There were hard- and soft limits, rules and agreements. That was the way I wanted my carefully constructed life to be.

I can still hear her sobs when I dismissed her that evening. I simply turned around, shutting her out and while I was on my way to my study I heard her tripping on the stairs. Her wrist was a fucking mess, and again I made a poor mistake…instead of going accompanying her to the hospital and ensuring she got the best care, I told Taylor to drive her. Did I care? I actually did…not out of love, but because I felt responsible for her at that time. That woman had broken her wrist in my home and the only thing that was going through my head at that given moment was that I had to get her out of my apartment as soon as possible. I needed to be discreet and I needed to contact Elena to get me a new submissive. _Fucking asshole._ The next day I ordered for her clothes to be moved out of Escala. Ms. King needed to go. So I called Elena…she told me I had done the right thing. Of course I believed her. Candace then started calling and sending me e-mails… begging me to take her back. Instead of answering them I simply deleted them and went on with my day, never bothering in showing a little empathy. When she showed up at GEH I once again I let Taylor deal with my mishaps. In a matter of hours we got her transferred from one university to another. To sooth my guilt or whatever it was I payed for her education. And just like that Ms. King became a distant memory…three weeks later she was replaced by another tiny brunette who loved to be whipped and caned.

From the corner of my eye I see Ana watching me. I force myself to look at her and the moment our eyes meet she smiles sweetly at me. "Are you all right?" She whispers.

"Yes." _No._

Her eyes fall to our entwined hands and she only nods her head. "I'm not all right Ana…I…"

Her finger gently pushes against my lips silencing me. "I understand…we'll talk about it later if you want to." I frantically search her face for any traces of anger or disappointment but there is nothing.

"Would you like to dance?" I squeeze her hand softly and the moment our eyes meet again they are bright and happy.

"I would love to…" She breathes.

A few moment later we are dancing on the sounds of another song of Michael Bublé. I know Ana likes the guy, but I just think he is a sappy fool.

Ana's head is resting on my shoulder. Every now and then I kiss the top of her head.

 _Close your eyes  
Let me tell you all the reasons why  
Think you're one of a kind.  
Here's to you  
The one that always pulls us through  
Always do what you got to do  
You're one of a kind  
Thank god you're mine. _

"Are you mad at me?" I finally ask her. I can't stand the doubt that is building inside of me. I need to ask her before things turn ugly. And that would only be because of me.

Lifting her head from my chest she blinks a few times before answering me. "No, I am not mad Christian…" She shakes her head emphasizing what she just said.

"I hear a but…"

She sighs and I feel her stiffening a little. "But…I don't want to discuss it right now. It was awkward enough Christian…please not now…"

I am aware that we are standing in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by all sorts of people and that it is definitely not the right time to rekindle my past. So I let it rest. But given Ana's reaction dread is crawling at my spine… my sordid past has collided with my present and my future in a very unexpected way. Something I always wanted to avoid. So, the only thing for me left to do is to get rid of that past. I glance one more time in Candace direction and see her unashamedly staring at us, and that is when I know that I need to get her away from us. Because even though she behaved submissive when Ben introduced us, I know better…she was acting coy…she was playing a part. Candace always knew what she wanted and how to get there. If her intention is to become in between me and my wife, then she clearly doesn't know me well enough. Because even if I don't know what her true reasons are for her relocation to Seattle I don't want her here. If she wants to hurt my wife in some way I won't let her. So I will have to stay one step ahead of her. Ms. King has to leave.

We dance in silence for a while longer until I hear Ana hiss out in pain. "What's wrong?"

"Ugh…my feet hurt. I think my blister grew a blister and that last blister just had baby blisters…" She huffs annoyed.

"Would you rather go home?"

She nods against my chest. _Thank fucking god._

"Let me use the bathroom first okay?" Panic surges through my veins hearing her saying that. I need her close. I don't want her to leave my side. I know the moment she leaves my side she is going to start thinking and then her mind will go into overdrive.

"Christian, I will be right back." Softly squeezing my hands I see her walking away from me. I motion to Taylor so he follow her. I watch Ana and Taylor disappearing through the door and that is when I make my way to Sawyer.

 **APOV**

"I will be right back Christian." I say kissing his cheek. "It is just the bathroom." Before he even has the chance to say something else I already left him standing in the middle of the dancefloor.

I'm halfway through the fancy dining room when I feel Taylor hot on my heels. I don't know why, probably because of the unwarranted anger or the obstinacy I am feeling because Taylor is following me to the bathroom, but instead of using the nearest restroom I make my way through the posh hallways and finally find a restroom to my liking far away from all the people.

"I will be waiting here for you Mrs. Grey." Taylor says before I push open the door. I just nod at him, because somehow I am mad at him too. And why? I have no idea.

However all the anger disappears the moment I enter the restroom. Instead my body immediately fills with jealousy. Candace ex-submissive and excellent brain surgeon is standing there in front of the mirror. Watching her expression she is probably as surprised as I am…because when she realizes who entered the restroom, her smile drops and her hands who were just rearranging her hair fall limb on both of her sides.

"Mrs. Grey…" She whispers… "I…I didn't know you would be here…I'm sorry."

I furrow my brow and hold my clutch close to my waist as if it were a life line. _Why is she sorry?_

"I was told by Mr. Grey's security that I needed to avoid you at all costs and that I wasn't even allowed in being here in the first place." She rambles. _What?_

"What do you mean?" I say taking a step closer inside. Because I hope it isn't what I think she is saying.

Suddenly her eyes start shifting from the closed door behind me to me. She is nervous and wringing her hands. "Please just forget you saw me…tell Mr. Grey that I will leave Seattle first thing in the morning."

"But why?" God, I must sound like a moron.

"You know who I am right?" She says hesitant.

"Yes…yes I do…"

"Well that is why I have to leave Mrs. Grey." Her voice wavers again and before I know it I am standing alone in the colossal restroom.

What just happened? And why does she have to leave Seattle? Didn't Dr. Holmes tell Christian that they were so happy to have her working at Seattle Grace? But why do I even care...

* * *

As I already imagined, Christian is standing next to Taylor when I step out of the restroom. If he looked stressed and anxious before, he now looks even more distressed and nervous. His bowtie is hanging loose from his collar and his hair is a disarray of copper curls…like he was just brushing his hands through it. Christian is talking to Taylor in hushed tones and the moment he notices me approaching them he goes silent. A stiff smile forms on his face as he watches me closing our distance.

"There you are." Christian says. "Ready to go baby?"

I look at both men warily. But of course I can't read anything from Taylor's face. He is stoically looking straight ahead, both hands clasped on his back.

"Where is Sawyer?" I ask when Taylor drives the car in the direction of our apartment.

"He needed to take care of something." Christian says vaguely.

"What did he need to take care of Christian?" I ask.

"Nothing for you to worry about Anastasia." He replies without any qualms.

"But that's the point Christian. I do worry…so you might as well tell me where Sawyer is." Even to my own ears I sound cynical.

"I will tell you at home." He says and this time his voice is softer.

 **CPOV**

"Christian, I am perfectly able to walk you know." Ana is swatting my hands away when I try to lift her from the car.

"I know you are…just…just let me do this Ana…" _Give me that little bit of control baby._

She concedes with a sigh and wraps her arms around my neck. The entire way on the elevator she keeps muttering things under her breath. But for now I have her in my arms. In a few minutes she is going to demand answers from me.

"Christian, it is just a fucking blister…" I am tempted to say something about her language, but I think this is not the right time. My gut feeling tells me that it would only worsen the situation. And even though she says not to be angry…she probably is. Not angry at me but at the entire fucked up situation. And I really can't blame her. "Give me your foot." I say ignoring her. Ana is sprawled out on our bed after having showered... While she took a shower I talked to Taylor about how the fuck it was possible that they didn't see her name on the list. I also talked to Sawyer. Ms. King, or doctor King is now on her way back to where she came from. I will make arrangements tomorrow so that she is offered a job at John Hopkins hospital in Baltimore. John Hopkins is rated as having the best reputation with specialists in neurology and neurosurgery. Since he is some kind of neurosurgeon prodigy…she can develop her career over there and not here in Seattle.

And now I intend to take care of Ana's blisters. I have seen my mother doing it several times with Mia…besides I like taking care of her. First I start with kissing the area holding her foot tightly in my hand. Since the area is already clean from her shower I apply a bandage and kiss it one more time before releasing her foot.

"Tell me about her Christian" She asks in that little voice muffled by her arms that are now covering her face.

"Ana…I'm sorry I didn't know she would be there…"

"Tell me about her…" This time her voice doesn't sound small. She is demanding an answer, but I really don't know how by telling her about my time with Candace is going to make things better.

"I'm sorry…" She sighs and sits up on the bed fumbling with her bathrobe. "I just never expected…I mean…she was perfect Christian…and so tall…I mean I looked like a stupid midget standing next to her…and she is smart too…and you fucked her…multiple times probably…" I wince when she starts about the fucking, but she is right…I fucked her and I fucked her hard without any emotion or considerations for her feelings or thoughts. It was the only way I knew or wanted for that matter. The sex with her or any other of my submissives was nothing compared to what Ana and I have. She is not right about the perfect part though, because to me Ana is the most gorgeous woman on the planet _. Ana is my forever._

"Ana…do you really want to know? Because if you say yes, then I am going to tell you the truth…everything." I brush my hands through my hair and stare at the duvet.

"Yes! No! I don't know!" She slams her hands on the bed frustrated. "God, I just don't know…" Her head is now buried in her hands.

"Where is Sawyer?" She asks after a while.

I think about my answer and decide to tell her the truth. I can't lie to her.

"I asked Sawyer to take Candace to the airport." The words haven't left my mouth when Ana's head snaps up. I now see that she has dark circles under her eyes.

"Why?" She asks.

"Because I needed her gone Ana."

"Because you needed her gone?" She asks disbelievingly. While staring at me she blinks a few times probably trying to wrap her head around what I just said.

"But I don't understand. Dr. Holmes said that she had been working at Seattle Grace for over four month, I think that she is planning on working and living here in Seattle Christian."

"Tomorrow I will arrange that she is offered a position at John Hopkins Ana… I don't want to jeopardize her career. She can do the brain thing over there." I state matter of fact.

"And just like that you decide that she needs to leave?"

"Yes…just like that Ana…"

"But she isn't your submissive anymore Christian, meaning that you don't have anything to say about her. Besides why would you want her to leave?" She is staring into the Seattle night her hands in her lap and I really don't like the look on her face. Taking a deep breath she slowly turns her head around until she is looking at me again. "Or did you send her away because you don't want to feel tempted…? I mean…if it is her that you want…maybe when you saw her some feelings stirred up in you and you decided that you missed that life…"

"Stop it right now Ana." I say firmly. "Are you listening to yourself?" Standing from our bed, I shrug out of my jacket and throw it on the nearest chair. "Are you suggesting that I want to go back to the lifestyle because I saw her again? DO you have so little faith in me…in our marriage?" Anger is slowly building up in me as I pace our bedroom.

"No…I don't…I know that you love me, but let's be fair Christian I can't give you things that she could and probably still can…maybe you have certain needs that you pushed away…"

"Where the fuck is this coming from Ana?" She keeps silent, her head bowed what angers me more. I want her angry with me, fighting with me. I want those blue eyes looking at me telling me that she loves me and that she is happy that I send her away. But instead she is questioning my love for her.

And then it strikes me. This is not about having doubts about our marriage or me. She is doubting herself. She thinks Candace is perfect. Everything she isn't. She couldn't be more wrong in that. Because Ana is everything Candace isn't.

In a few strides I walk to where she is sitting and crush her against my chest. Her hands immediately grip my shirt.

"Ana, you have absolutely nothing to worry about…I don't want her…I don't want that lifestyle…I just want you…I want us together forever. I want to laugh with you, make love to you and have a lot of babies with you." I hug her closer and cradle her neck with my hand. "I want you Ana…do you believe me?"

Ana silently starts crying with her head still buried in my chest. Her entire body is trembling and shaking. Somehow we end up lying in bed. Ana is practically lying on top of me when she finally falls asleep. I hope I was able to convince her about my feeling and thoughts. I know better than anyone how insecurities can slowly make their way into you mind. I have no idea if she still has questions or if she even wants to talk about what happened this evening…I hope not, but if she wants to discuss it we will. With my shoes and clothes still on, I move carefully as not to wake her. And with one hand on the back of her head and the other on her lower back, I fall into a peaceful sleep.

 **APOV**

I just woke up a few minutes ago lying on top of Christian. Immediately yesterday's event sprung on my mind. He moved for a brief moment when I left the warmth of his body. Now I'm lying next to him, leaning on my elbow. I can spend hours watching him ...he looks so relaxed and peaceful when he is asleep.

And I love him…I love him so much. The intensity of my love for him sometimes scares me.

I wince as I recall our conversation yesterday when we returned from the fundraiser. How could I ever be so stupid and throw those accusations at him. However hearing him talking like that about Candace was a bit unsettling. The way he handled the situation was disturbing to say the least. But I guess that I was seeing the man Christian told me about…the man he was before he met me…the man he was before he decided to leave the BDSM lifestyle the cold and aloof dominant. But the only thing I could think was how could he do something like that…deciding about someone else's life?

I'm not even sure if I want to interfere in this fucked up situation. Somehow, I'm glad she is back to where she came from. Does that make me a bad person? I rub my hands over my face and lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. Somehow her presence gave me this weird vibe. And that had nothing to do with my self-doubt or jealousy. It was her. The way she presented herself. Confident and so freaking sure of herself.

What must she be going through right now? What is going on in her mind? Her dreams, her career…everything she probably worked so hard for is gone…just because Christian wanted her gone.

 _Just let it go Ana. Just let it go…_

A small beep coming from the direction of my night stand takes me out of my thoughts. Carefully as not to wake Christian I reach for my phone and read Sawyer's message. Christian's surprise has arrived. _Finally!_

Okay, so coffee first, then breakfast and a shower and then Christian will finally get his surprise. I hope he likes it though. Taylor, Sawyer and even Reynolds assured me he would love it. _I really hope so._

As carefully as possible I step out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I open one of the drawers and take out the little package with folic acid which Dr. Torrey prescribed yesterday. _Shit, I still need to tell Christian about this._ God, I hope he doesn't go all nuclear on me. But it's not as if I have kept this away from him for days…well the first part I kind off did…but it was only yesterday morning that I called Dr. Torrey my OBGYN who was recommended by Grace.

"Ana…What are you doing?" Christian is now standing behind me in the bathroom. SO I quickly place the little package back into the drawer and close it.

"Hey…good morning…geez you scared me Christian…you were asleep just two minutes ago." I ramble.

"What was that Ana?" He looks passed me to the now closed drawer.

"Christian…we need to talk…" I blurt out. _Geez Ana good way to be subtle_. His body tenses and his arms fall limb on both sides of his body.

"I don't think I like the sound of that…" He croaks. "Are you planning on leaving me, because I know that I have been working late a lot these past few days but I explained. And if this is about what happened yesterday…Ana. I…I…." He is rambling and his gray eyes are pleading with me.

"No…oh god no Christian…why would you ever think that…I promised you I wouldn't leave you." I cut him off and wrap my arms around his waist and lean my head against his chest. He is breathing heavily and his arms are still limb.

"I promise Christian…I will never leave you I love you…" I feel him relax a little and then he wraps his arms around me hugging me tight against his chest.

"Then what is it…because if you are sick and you haven't told me…"

"No…I'm not sick and I'm sorry I should have said it differently." Unwrapping myself from his embrace I guide him towards our bedroom and pull his hand until he is seated next to me.

"Christian you're shaking…"

"Yeah, well you know when your wife tells you that she needs to talk to you…I don't know Ana…" He brushes both hands through his hair and stares at me.

I clear my throat and takes his cold hand in mine brushing my finger against his wedding band. "Remember the other day when we returned from San Juan?"

He nods his head, his eyes searching my face.

"When…we had sex in the bathroom…"

"Yes…" His brows furrow. He still has no clue.

"We didn't use a condom Christian…" I whisper and let the words linger in the air. When my eyes meet his again he is blinking, trying to process what I just told him.

"Anyway, I called the hospital yesterday…" He tenses beside me. "I arranged for a new OBGYN since I didn't want to return to Dr. Greene…"

He just nods and I feel his hand go clammy in mine.

"You know that after a miscarriage they advise not to get pregnant until you've had one normal period to ensure the lining of the uterus has healed and is ready for an embryo to implant into?"

He clears his throat again and nods his head…his gray eyes haven't left mine since I started talking.

"Conceiving too quickly after a miscarriage could affect the chances of the next pregnancy being successful." I whisper the last part and focus my attention on our entwined hands.

Clearing his throat multiple times Christian squeezes my hand to get my attention. When I look up I see that his face is extremely pale and his eyes bloodshot as if he wants to cry.

"Does…does that mean that you might be pregnant Ana?"

"Dr. Torrey said that the chance for me to be pregnant is minimal…it was just one time Christian and what are the odds?"

His brow furrows again. "Well I don't know, but you got pregnant the first time while you were still on the shot…" He closes his eyes and breaths deeply. "Ana…if you are pregnant then…I mean…if this pregnancy isn't successful it's my fault…I will never forgive myself…"

"Stop it Christian! Stop it right now!" Clumsily like only I can, I climb on his lap and take his face in my hands.

"First you are not the only one responsible… and really like I said I didn't even have my first period yet and like I told you before I decided to use birth conception all those years ago because of my irregular cycle…I don't think I'm pregnant…"

"But you might…" He says and I hear a sliver of hope through his words.

"Christian…"

"You still haven't told me what you were doing in the bathroom when I entered…" He says cutting me off. His raises an eyebrow and his face is now deadly serious.

"Well Dr. Torrey told me to start taking folic acid. She also told me to keep using condoms until I get my period."

"What is that folic acid for?"

"Folic acid is to reduce the chance of having a baby with spina bifida…that is Latin for split spine it is a birth defect where there is incomplete closing of the backbone and membranes around the spinal cord." I literally repeat what Dr. Torrey told me yesterday.

"Fuck Ana…a split spine…"  
"Christian…it's a precaution…it is like taking a prenatal vitamin and even pregnant woman take folic acid."

"A precaution…" He repeats. "A precaution I can handle…" He says again. "Vitamins I can handle too…" And then like someone turned a switch in his head he smiles that breathtaking smile of his.

"What more did the doctor say? Did you make an appointment, because I have a few questions myself you know…did she tell you to follow some kind of diet…" His eyes are searching my face as he keeps spewing questions at me.

"Let's take this one step at the time Christian…you are getting excited and…"

I am cut off again when Christian lays me down on our bed. He opens my bathrobe and pushes my shirt up revealing my stomach. _What is he doing?_

"I really need to do this…" He says looking at me. He then slowly brushes his lips against my stomach and kisses it several times. Then he starts speaking.

"If there is someone in there…a little tiny pea that is trying exceptionally hard to grow…just know that we will be waiting here for you and we will love you no matter what…" He kisses my stomach a last time. When he looks at me there is that fantastic shy smile of his. Then as if he suddenly remember something he goes back to my stomach. "And by the way…I am your daddy…" He shrugs and lays next to me. Sweetly he brushes the tears from my face and hugs me to his chest.

"Don't cry Ana…I just needed to do that. I know that you probably think that I'm jumping to conclusions, but what if…what if we made a little baby that is working his or her little butt off to grow…I just needed to be sure that he or she knows that we love him or her already…but please don't cry…"

"I can't help it…" I cry. "That…that was incredibly sweet Christian…"

"So what do you want to do today…?" He says after a few minutes.

"Don't you need to work?" I ask looking up at him.

"It's Saturday Ana and I worked late the entire week…today and tomorrow are totally about you…"

Then I remember Taylor's message. "Okay, then let make me coffee while you shower…then we are going to do something fun…"

"What kind of fun?" His hands wander under my shirt until they have reached my breasts. "Because I know a lot of fun things where a shower isn't a requirement."

"Well…I really think you want to shower…because I just received a message telling me that your surprise is here…" His hands still and his head snaps up. Christian's eyes are big as saucers and his smile is big.

"My surprise?"

He jumps from the bed and shoves his hands through his hair. "I'm ready" He says. I have to laugh because he looks ridicules with his wrinkled shirt and pants…he is still even wearing his shoes.

I just nod and point with my finger towards the bathroom. "Shower first Mr. Grey."

Huffing and muttering he makes his way to the bathroom. A few seconds later I hear the water running. _Well, that was easier than I thought. He is really curious about his surprise._

As an idea pops in my head I smile wickedly. Let's have some fun before I give him his real surprise.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi ! First, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgivings day and that you shared this with your loved ones.**

 **Some of you thought that it was Elena who showed up at that fundraiser. But Elena killed herself in prison…so there was no way it could have been her. It was also my intention to get this chapter out a few days sooner, but real life got in the way and it wasn't possible. I'm sorry, because it was one mean cliffy.**

 **As to why I brought Christian's ex-submissive into the story; well Ana only knows Christian as the "not-dominant"…"My" Ana has no idea how far the old Christian would go to get his way or how he would behave. I wanted for 'my' Ana to get a glimpse of that man and his past.**

 **And like in any relationship, when you meet one of your partner's exes… doubt and uncertainty will rear its ugly head…no matter how much in love you are. There is always that little voice inside your head that says "What if…" With Ana and her background of emotional neglect and abuse it is probably a tad worse.**

 **Anyway, I hope you liked it. Next chapter Christian is finally getting his surprise…**

 **Take care all and thank you for reading!**

 **Alner X**

 **Song in this chapter: Close your eyes – Michael Bublé**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 23 – Surprise!**

 **CPOV**

The smile on her face is a wicked one and I don't like it one bit. One hour has passed since she told me to get ready and Ana is still eating her breakfast, completely relaxed…cool as a freaking cucumber. As for me…I am ready to pull my damn hair out.

"You sure you don't want another cup of coffee?" Hopping from the barstool Ana holds her coffee mug up, her eyebrows raised. And there it is again, that mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Anastasia…" I start. "You already had two cups of coffee…you are doing this on purpose aren't you?"

While placing her mug back on the counter she giggles and shakes her head making the messy bun on top of her head bounce in the process. "You know you are worse than a little kid Christian?" I shrug and I start bouncing my leg nervously up and down. _She is right. I am worse than a little kid._

"So, you're ready then?"

"Yup" I say as cool as possible. In my head I am screaming. _YES! YES! YES! YES!_ Act cool Grey. Because she is enjoying this.

"Okay then!" She says excitedly and again I don't miss that little grin on her face. Why do I have the feeling that she is messing with me? I stand from the barstool and follow her in the direction of the elevator. "Where are you going?" Her brow is furrowed and her nose crinkled. _Fucking cute._

"To the elevator." She just cocks her head to one side and shakes her head.

"We are not going outside Christian…"

"You told me…" And I check my watch to be sure. "You told me exactly one hour and six fucking minutes ago that I needed a freaking shower Ana…so yeah I assumed that we were going outside…"

"You assumed wrong then…" She deadpans. _Damn woman_! _Always topping from the freaking bottom._

"Sit!" She says pointing to the barstool. _Christ, just don't get your knickers in a twist woman!_ Of course I don't say that out loud. _Never ever._

Following her orders I walk back to the stool and sit my ass down. Like a petulant child I cross my arms in front of my chest and I actually feel my bottom lip sticking out. _Really cool Grey…now you are pouting too!_

The moment she sticks her hand in her handbag the sound of her phone ringing echoes through the kitchen. _Great, just fucking great._

"Who is it?" I ask. Because I know that if that's her grandmother, I will probably have to wait to fucking Christmas until I get my surprise.

However, I decide to take matters into my own hands. Consequences be damned. Reaching over the counter I grab her phone and slide with my thumb over the screen not even bothering to look at who's calling... "Grey"

" _Christian, its Henry…how are you doing man…"_

"We're good actually…something wrong? Are your parents all right? The kids?"

" _Yeah, they are all fine…look what I was calling you about…I need a favor."_

"Sure…what is it?" One look at Ana and I know she is curious as shit. _Yeah. Well I am curious about my surprise too._

" _I would like to take Kelly out for dinner this evening and I was wondering if I could bring the kids over to your place…you know so that they can spend the night…"_

"Wait let me check with Ana first…"

"Your uncle is asking if he can bring the kids over this evening. He wants to take Kelly out for dinner." I swear to God…Ana's eyes light up and her smile is so big that her face is almost split in two.

"Of course…tell him that he needs to bring a sleeping cot for little Frank…or he will have to sleep with us." _So not happening baby._

"Henri…Ana says it's okay but be sure to bring a cot for little Frank…"

" _Will do…see you later Christian."_ And with that I end the phone call. I place Ana's phone back on the counter and when I turn around to face my wife her face looks…weird.

"What's wrong?"

"You just hung up the phone." She says incredulously. Her eyes bouncing from the phone to me.

"Yeah, of course I did…" _What was I supposed to do?_

"You didn't ask him where he was taking Kelly?" Her arms are now on her hips.

"No, why would I?" _I mean really…why would I?_

"You could at least have shown a little bit of interest."

"Ana…your uncle is a man…just like me. He called with a question…I gave him an answer and that's all that there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less." _Now, let's get focused!_

"What do you mean by that?" _And here we go again._

"I mean…that you are the sweetest and most beautiful woman walking this planet…and that your loving husband is dying over here baby…" I pout exaggeratedly.

"Oh yeah…your surprise…" She smiles and while she stands between my legs she sweetly kisses my lips. With a flourish she pulls a green colored envelope from her back pocket and hands it over to me. _I still don't trust that smile._

Impatiently I tear open the envelope and pull out the contents in one move. Ana's eyes are completely focused on me while biting her lip. _What the hell is this?_ My eyes skim over the tickets again. I must be reading this wrong. Is this the surprise? Concert tickets to Nickelback. Well fuck!

I am so distracted with the surprise that I don't notice Ana's body shaking. It is only when I hear her giggle turning into a full blown laughter that I look up.

"Oh my gosh…" She is bend over clutching her stomach. "Oh my gosh you should have seen your face…" She keeps repeating that time after time after time. After a file she takes pity on me and pulls the Nickelback tickets from my hand and places them on the counter. Still laughing she walks to her bag and retrieves a small oval box perfectly wrapped in black shiny paper.

"This is your real present…the concert tickets were a little joke...I just couldn't resist…" She says now seriously. "I hope you like it…" She hands me the tiny box and looks at me uncertain.

"I'm sure I am going to love it baby…" I say smiling at her.

"Open it…" She nudges my arm.

Unlike Ana I tear away the paper and I am stunned at what I see… "A Bugatti?" Ana is blushing and her eyes are wide and I have never seen them so blue before. She nods her head slowly. "You…you don't like it?"

"Ana…you bought me a Bugatti?" I say looking down at the key in my hand.

She clears her throat. "Actually it is a The Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Super Sport. The Bugatti Super Sport is a faster, more powerful version of the Bugatti Veyron 16.4. Production is limited to 30 units. The Super Sport has increased engine power of 1,200 PS, and a revised aerodynamic package. The Super Sport has a 267.856 mph top speed, making it the fastest production road car on the market although it is electronically limited to 258 mph to protect the tires from disintegrating." _Fuck she sounds sexy talking that way._

"Christian…you don't like it?"

"Ana I love it…I just didn't expect this…" She gives me that bright smile and jumps in my arms. "Oh my god I am so glad you like it…come let's go downstairs…" She squeals and tugs my arm in the direction of the elevator where Taylor is already holding the elevator door open for us to get in.

"Good morning Sir." He nods his head and gives me one of his rare smiles.

"Good morning Taylor." Again I try to remain cool but in reality I want to scream that Ana bought me a fucking Bugatti. _But he knows. The fucker knew!_

When the elevator doors are finally closed Ana pulls a red colored scarf from her bag and holds it up. "Do you trust me?"

"With my life baby…"

I lower my head for her so that she can easily blindfold me. I feel the last tug on the back of my head at the same moment the elevator door pings.

Holding my hand Ana guides me through the under ground garage. "Good morning Sawyer." She chirps happily.

"Good morning Ana." He grunts.

After some whispers and murmurs I hear Ana thanking Sawyer for his help and then I hear him walking away.

"Are you ready?" She sounds nervous again.

"I was ready a few weeks ago baby…"

"Take off the scarf Christian…" She giggles.

Holy mother of all that's…"Fuck!" In front of me is like Ana told me a Bugatti Veyron…a two different shades of gray design, shiny and amazingly perfect. With Ana's hand still in mine I walk around the car to look at it from all different angles. It doesn't happen to me a lot but I'm speechless. _I am fucking speechless._ This car is perfect. It is athletic and elegant. The radiator grill is horseshoe-shaped, the broad rear section features have an imposing retractable spoiler and prominent wings, while the horizontal headlamps and radiator characterize a striking front.

Ana opens the door with a smile and motions for me to sit.

The interior of the car fulfils the highest standards in every last detail. A mixture of aluminum and pristine leather dominate the interior. The steering wheel is light metal with a leather cover. The center console has a brushed aluminum look and suggests a horseshoe shape, just like the exterior.

"The center console is handcrafted…" Ana says who is still standing outside the car nervously fidgeting with her hands. "And the gearbox is a dual-clutch, which is the fastest gearbox in the world." She adds silently.

She takes a step back and just stares at me.

"Jesus Christian, please say something. You are making me nervous." She whispers.

"Ana…" Reluctantly I step out of my amazing brand new car and take her in my arms. "I love it…it is perfect. Thank you baby…"

"Oh God…for a minute I thought that you didn't like it…you were so quiet…"  
"I was just taking it all in…but why a Bugatti…Ana this is an extremely expensive car…"

"You deserve it Christian. You buy me a lot of things, jewelry, clothes…I wanted to buy something special for you…and I remember my dad one day talking about the Bugatti…he was reading some kind of sports car magazine and he was salivating at the pictures." She shrugs and blushes the beautiful color.

"I'm sorry you had to wait so long, but when I decided to buy this car for you I needed to decide on the color I wanted…and you know me." She shrugs and takes a side glance at the car.

"In terms of colors I only had a few choices and I didn't like any one of them…so I had this color custom made for you…it is the color of your eyes…stormy gray." She looks up at me and smiles.

"And I don't know if you noticed but the headrest have your initials stitched in it…"

"I love it Ana…it was worth the wait baby…" I hug her to my chest and kiss the top of her head.

"So want to go for a ride?" I say wiggling my eyebrows.

"Let's go…but before we go I want to establish some ground rules." _Fuck, and they say I love rules…_

 **APOV**

After spending the biggest part of the morning driving around we decided to have lunch at a little restaurant in Fall City. The restaurant is cozy and quiet with only one other table occupied by an elderly couple. _It is perfect._

The atmosphere during their ride to Fall City has been relaxed and light. We talked, joked and laughed, it was perfect actually. However, there was still something that just kept nagging at me. Why had Christian been so harsh to Candace at the fundraiser?

Why was Christian so eager in sending Candace away? After thinking about our talk yesterday I know that my insinuations yesterday where outright stupid. I know that if I would tell Flynn about this he would say that it was because of what I was always led to believe…that I was useless, a little gray mouse that no one would ever love or want. Because one thing I know for sure and that is that Christian loves me. He tells me every day, several times a day even. I know that he wants to grow old with me, that I am his forever. And I know for sure that he doesn't see Candace as a temptation that is not the reason why he send her away. _But what is?_

I have the urge to keep quiet and not bring it up again…to just forget the whole thing and act like if it never happened. _But I can't._ We have spent a really nice and fun morning and I know that when I open my mouth, everything will change. But if I have learned anything since I am with Christian, is that I have to be honest. We need to continue to communicate, no matter how difficult it is. Otherwise we will end up in that grayish area again…and we really don't want to go there…again.

Looking up from the menu I see Christian staring at me.

"Have you decided on what you want to eat?" With a smile on his face he takes a loose tendril of hair between his fingers and pushes it behind my ear.

"I'll have what you're having…" I say distracted. He just nods and shoves his chair closer to mine.

"What are you thinking about?"

Just as I am about to open my mouth the waiter comes to our table. "We would like the Caesar salad and two ice-tea." Christian says before the waiter has time to say anything. _Rude much?_

"Certainly Sir."

Drawing imaginary circles with my fingertip on the wooden table I try to re-arrange my thoughts.

But the longer I think about it, the harder it seems.

"Why did you send her away Christian?" I blurt out.

"She just needed to go Ana…" He says after a while.

"But why…I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you are able in doing things like that…"

"Ana…"

"Christian…" I say taking his hand in mine. "I don't want to fight. I just need to understand. I need to understand why…why did you feel this urge to send her back? You decided about her future in a blink of an eye. When you asked Sawyer to take her to the airport did you stop and think what it would mean to her? What it would do to her? What the consequences would be for her?"

"No…I didn't." He says matter of fact. "I did what I thought was right and that was to get her away from you…from us…"

"What are you so afraid off?" He blinks several times. He then lets go of my hand and leans back in his chair. His gaze pointed somewhere in the distance.

"I'm not afraid…she is a part of my past…and that makes her tainted…" He shrugs. "I deliberately left that lifestyle Ana and there is nothing or no one who can convince me to re-enter that again. Everything and everyone connected to that past is …tainted. I love what I have now. Our life together…I don't want that to change."

"Christian…but that's just what it is…your past. And whether you like it or not…she is a part of that. And she made a life for herself. She worked hard to get where she is right now…and you just squashed that…just because she is a part of your past?"

"Then what are you saying that I should do Anastasia?" He speaks through gritted teeth. "Let her walk into our lives? Do you know how likely it is to bump into her in the hospital? She works with children Ana…that means that she will be working close to my mother…"

"I am not saying that" I hiss. Shaking my head I sigh. "God, I don't want to fight Christian…"

He doesn't reply. Instead he just keeps staring in the distance. _God, this is so frustrating._

"What I am trying to say is that she won't be walking into our lives…because we won't let her. She is just an ex-girlfriend that…"

"She was not my girlfriend Ana…" He says in a monotone voice.

"She was a woman with whom I had a contractual sexual relationship with. I didn't date her, I didn't woo her, I never shared what is considered a normal conversation with her, except when we were talking about the contract. So she wasn't a girlfriend."

"I am trying to understand Christian. I am trying really hard to communicate with you." I say tiredly. "So, okay she wasn't your girlfriend…she was your submissive. But a person with feelings nonetheless." I continue when he keeps quiet.

"You don't understand…" He whispers hoarsely.

"No I don't…I really don't. And another thing…I didn't like that man that popped up yesterday. I didn't like him at all." His head turns to mine and he looks shocked. But I just continue. The words stumbling over my lips.

"Yesterday I saw a cold and detached man that will go to great lengths to get what he wants. I saw a man, my husband…who shut me out. I saw a man who treated me like a little girl…" I pause when I see the waiter arrive with our order. I continue speaking the moment he leaves our table.

"When I walked out of that bathroom and I saw you whispering with Taylor…I felt so insecure. And when I asked you …you just dismissed me and told me it was nothing for me to worry about. Damn it Christian!" I slam my hand against the table gathering the attention of the older couple.

 **CPOV**

Christ. She is mad. Incredibly mad. Nostril flaring mad…but the worst is that she is disappointed in me. And what felt like a punch in my gut was when she told me that she didn't like the man she saw yesterday.

"I didn't mean to say that…" I mutter. "I didn't mean to make you feel like a little girl or to dismiss you Ana. The only thing I was trying to do was to protect you from my past. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable." I manage to look in her teary eyes and swallow past the lump building in my throat.

"The man you saw yesterday is the man I told you about several times. I have managed to push him away…but when things get out of control…I swear to you Ana…I did that because I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too Christian…" She says after what seems an eternity. "But you did exactly as what you did in the hospital the day your dad was admitted. You take advantage of your wealth and power to get things exactly the way you want. You do first and think later… If you felt out of control you should have told me that. We could have gone home and discussed things."

"I know…" I admit. "I already have an appointment with Flynn Monday, so I will make sure to discuss it…"

"Do you see Candace as a negative part of your past?" She asks carefully.

"Yes, all of my submissives…Elena…the clubs I visited…even Detroit…"

"You have already reached a certain point where you let go of some of those parts…and I hate to say this to you but you, like me, will always carry your past with you…in the way we think, talk and perceive the world. There will always be certain things or people that have a negative effect on you…but if you don't let that go it will define your future Christian…"

With a sad smile she looks at me and brushes the hair from my fore head. "You need to take things step-by-step and keep an open mind and I think that that is the best way to accept the past as a part of yourself."

"How do you get so smart…"

"Endless and endless sessions with Flynn…" She smirks and quickly kisses my cheek. "I really love you Christian but please don't do that again…"

I see that her brows are still furrowed and that she keeps playing with the food on her plate. "The reason why it was so easy to send her away was because I made her sign a contract the day I ended our arrangement. That contract stated that in exchange for paying for her education and a small apartment near the university she was studying she would never return to Seattle." Ana stills in her seat. Slowly she lowers her fork and places it next to her plate. Her gaze never leaving mine.

"That is so fucked up…" She whispers sadly. "Why would she ever agree to that?"

I shrug. "I was known as one of the best and richest dominants Ana. Those girls knew exactly what they were agreeing to when they entered an arrangement with me. I would provide then with a car, I payed for their rents, clothes…you name it." _They only wanted me for my money._

"Stop it…I don't want to hear anymore…" I take her hand in mine and entwine our fingers.

"You are right Ana…I have been thinking about it after you fell asleep last night. It was wrong how I handled things. I hope there won't be a second time, but I promise you that I will talk to you the next time before taking matters into my own hands."

"She is very pretty…" Ana says and when her eyes meet mine I see the insecurity flashing through them.

"She is…." I tell her honestly. Her close briefly and she tries to pull her hand back. "Look at me Ana…" Taking her chin between my thumb and forefinger I make her look at me.

"But you are beautiful. One look at you made me fall in love with you. You are caring, sweet, funny…you are the woman who makes me feel loved. You are the woman who completes me. You are the woman I want…only you baby."

Her bottom lips start to tremble. She scoots closer and buries her face in the crook of my neck.

"You know…I love you is not enough to tell you how important you are to me." She nods her head against my neck and tightens her hold.

"I love you too…" She cries.

"She bought you a fucking Bugatti?" Elliot says slumping down on the sofa in my office. Ana called Elliot, Megan and Ethan to come over for dinner. And of course they all accepted.

I just look at him and grin. "Yup man, my girl bought me a Bugatti…"

"How fast is it?"

"Ridiculously fast…he goes from zero to hundredth in just a matter seconds. In addition Ana made them add some kind of feature, hydraulic brakes I think what makes it stop in 2.3 seconds." Elliot nods impressed.

"What are you going to do with your R8?" He says looking at the door. He is probably afraid that Ana or Megan may come busting in any minute. _And they are…I just feel it._

"I am keeping it…"

"Why? How many cars do you own man?"

"I'm not selling the R8 if that's what you're getting at…it was one of the first things I bought after my business took off…"

The door bursts open and Ethan enters quickly closing the door behind him. "Here you are! Fuck guys you left me alone with three teenage girls! Do you know how much they talk?" _Oh yeah I do._

"Get used to it dude…Mia is worse…"

"The girls will never ever suspect that we are hiding in the balls room…" My brothers adds with a smirk.

"Is dinner almost ready?" I say looking at Ethan who looks ragged. His hair is a mess, his shirt is hanging out of his pants. "What the hell have you been doing anyway?" I point at his attire and take a sip of my wine. "The girls attacked me…" He takes a swig of his bear and closes his eyes. "As for dinner…God…the kitchen is a freaking mess…who came up with the great idea to make pizzas from scratch anyway?"

"You never tasted Megan's homemade pizza?" I ask astonished.

"They are fucking epic…" Elliot adds. "Like extraordinarily good…you will never want another pizza in your life…"

"The kitchen doesn't look so epic…there is flour everywhere and when I just slipped away the girls as in Ana, Megan were arguing about dessert…"

"What is there…" Elliot is cut of when the door suddenly opens, it slams against the wall almost pulling it from its hinges. _Jesus Christ._

"Oh fuck." Elliot says. _Asshole._ He probably wanted to whisper, but he is such a bad whisperer. _So…so bad._ So now Megan heard and Megan responsible for opening that door in such exaggerated way is mad…she looks very, very mad. My beautiful wife, who is covered in flour is standing behind her. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest and that little smile is playing on her lips.

"You" Megan says pointing at Elliot. "Franky needs a clean diaper…" She inhales, closes her eyes and when they open again they are almost black. _Fuck indeed._

"Now!"

"Baby…" Elliot smiles his panty-dropping-smile, like he likes to call it and scrambles to his feet. "Relax…" He takes a step forward ready to unleash his charm on his wife. Megan however holds her hands up and shakes her head. "Elliot Rupert Trevelyan Grey…go and change Franky's diaper now!"

And there it is Rupert…Elliot hates it when my parents called him that, actually it was our mom who loves to say your entire name when she is mad. I can't blame Elliot… I totally understand…I mean Rupert. _What the fuck were his parents thinking when they named him Rupert?_ I look at Ana who first looks shocked…her mouth set in that perfect O…then her hand flies to her mouth and what starts with an innocent giggle ends in a burst of laughter.

Ethan is standing against the wall…his eyes fly to mine as he mouths "Rupert?" And then I feel the laughter building up in my stomach and making its way to my chest.

We are all laughing and watching Elliot's face turn into puce. Not everybody is laughing. Megan isn't laughing. She isn't even close. Would she mind if I told her that she gained some weight? _Probably…_

"Fucking hormones…" Elliot mutters.

"What did you say?" Megan says in this high pitched voice shooting daggers at Elliot.

"Nothing baby…I say I need to find Mrs. Jones…Mrs. Jones…" And he is gone.

"You…" Megan's finger is now pointed at me and I carefully take a step back. I swear to God…I love her. I think she is the best thing that could happen to Elliot, but damn she is scary…

"Me?" I squeak.

"Yes you…" She raises an eyebrow. "We decided we are having ice cream for dessert…so you are taking the girls to buy ice cream."

"The…the girls?" _Like all the girls?_

"Yes Christian…Laura, Emma and Melissa…they are already waiting for you…" I make my way out of the library and with my hand on Ana's back I guide her towards the end of the hallway.

"What is wrong with her?" I whisper yell.

"There was nothing wrong with her until she found out that you guys where relaxing and having a beer in the library…I swear…" Ana steps closer her mouth close to my ear and she starts whispering. "It was like a switch was pulled and she became this possessed woman…"

"Are you calling me fat Ethan Kavanagh?" Ana and I both wince at Megan's voice.

"No…god no…" Ethan is now stumbling into the hallway where he gives me a pleading look. _Good decision Grey…she doesn't like to be called fat_. With his hands raised in a form of surrender he turns to look at Megan. "I…I thought…it is…you just have this nice looking bump…it's really cute …"

"Just go…!" Her voice breaks at the end. Looking at the three of us she turns around and slams the door shut. We all release our breaths and just stare at each other.

"Christian, why don't you do what Megan just asked. Ethan do you want to start setting the table? In the meantime I will talk to Megan."

Ethan nods his head and turns around to walk to the staircase. Then he turns around grinning. "Is your brother's middle name really Rupert?" I just nod and smile. "He hates it…and we all had to promise at some point never to call him Rupert…I guess he never made Megan promise that…"

"I will be downstairs..."

"Ana…baby…I can't go with three girls to buy ice cream? Why don't you come with me huh?"

"Why Christian…are you telling me you can't handle three little girls?"

"Ana…those girls do nothing else but laugh, giggle, squeak and talk…haven't you heard their endless talking baby…I can't do that…" placing my hands on her perfect little ass I pull her closer and brush my lips against her neck. _Perfect. Smooth. Mine._

"Oh no Mr. Grey…you can't charm your way out of this…"

"I promise I will make it up to you later tonight…" I whisper again and brush my lips against her ear.

Pulling away from me she stares at me incredulously. "There won't be happening anything tonight Christian…we have four kids who are staying the night." _Yeah…so?_

"I can be fast baby…"

"Christian, I need to see what Megan is doing…I think she is crying…"

"Just remember what I said baby…you won't know what hit you tonight. Those kids will be sleeping before you can blink those pretty eyes of yours." With that I give her a wet sloppy kiss on her mouth and walk away. _Who am I fucking kidding? I know that I can count myself lucky if I am even able to sleep in my own bed tonight!_

Three hours later, I am not only dog-tired but also ready to pull my own hair out. I even seriously considered admitting myself into the loony bin for the foreseeable future because communicating or actually trying to communicate with teenage girls does that to a man. They drive you crazy. _Bat. Shit. Crazy._

Here I was, master of the freaking world, at least that's what I like to think, as I entered Seattle's most famous ice cream parlor with three very talkative little ladies who are also very strong opinionated.

I didn't only take thirty fucking long minutes for them to decide what flavors to choose, because everything needed to be discussed and thoroughly evaluated. I put my foot down when they wanted Smurf ice-cream though. That blue stuff didn't look appealing at all.

Thank god everybody left and the girls are upstairs ready to go to bed. I just told them that the lights need to be out in thirty minutes…or else.

They just stared at me…I stared back for a full ten seconds and left their room. _Defeated._ Maybe I should have threatened with Megan…they listen to her!

Tip-toeing I make my way to the living room where Ana was reading a story to Frank. Little Frank is the sweetest and most easy-going baby ever. He is happy as shit. He just eats, plays, sleeps, shits…a lot by the way and laughs at everything and everyone.

When I get closer I can only smile. Ana and Frank are lying on the couch. She has her arm protectively wrapped around him. The funny thing is that Ana is sound asleep while Frank is awake. _Wide awake._

He is quietly sucking his thumb and taking in his surroundings. The moment he notices me he smiles that fucking cute toothless grin and reaches his arms out for me.

"Hey little man…" I whisper.

"Da...da…da…da…." He gibbers.

"I'm not your dada dude…your dada is probably having a really good time with your mommy right now…if you know what I mean…" As carefully as possible I lift him from the couch immediately waking Ana in the process.

"I was hoping he would fall asleep…" Ana yawns. "I was even considering in singing for him..."

"Baby…if you want him to fall asleep never ever sing to him…that won't work…you will probably achieve the opposite…" I smirk at her and place little Frank on my hip. He lays his head down on my shoulder and starts sucking his little thumb.

"So funny Grey…"

"Why don't you get ready for bed and let me take care of this little man…"

"Just don't play with him. He should have been asleep an hour ago…"

"Yes ma'am." I say with a smile.

She stands up and closes our distance with a few strides. "Sleep tight Frank…I love you…" Tenderly watching him she brushes her hands through his brown hair. "See you in a bit Christian."

* * *

Ana and Frank are both asleep. I just checked on them a few minutes ago. So are the girls. I don't think Ana will be very pleased tomorrow when she sees the mess they have created. There are magazines, nail polish bottles and make-up scattered all over the floor. And instead of just sleeping in their bed they managed to pull the mattresses on the floor, creating an even bigger mess. But for now they are asleep and what's more important… _They are quiet._

For the umpteenth time I re-read my journal entry. I can't change anything about it…these words are the truth. Pure and raw ...  
For the last time my eyes glide over the paper again and then to the little piece of paper Ana put on my desk this afternoon after we returned home.

" **Move forward openly with curiosity and amusement with your passions rather than demands and hopes. Don't expect it to go as planned but know that the unplanned may lead to the best later. The best is yet to come."**

I don't know where she got that quote from but I like it. Especially the last sentence. _The best is yet to come._ I read my journal entry once more before I close it to join my wife in our bed.

 _October 26_

 _If I figured out one thing during these last few months is that change is full of ups and down. I truly fucking hate that because I love stability and most of all I love control. But who doesn't? I thought I loved being in control all the time but the truth is that I don't anymore. It is probably the idea of being in control. Because since meeting Ana I love nothing more than to let go and forget about who I once was. I actually enjoy and love being surrounded by the ones I love. I always considered myself as a strong person but that is not how I see it now. Ana is the one who makes me strong. Ana is the one who makes me feel and see the love surrounding me. She says it is not true, but I know it is…for the biggest part it is. She just gave me that last push in the right direction. She pulled the last remaining wall down, leaving me vulnerable and unmasked. So for us I am going to take a step back. And I know I am going to fuck up in the process and I will probably try to fight it because that's my instinct…I know that am going to try and take control again when things don't go as I plan or want. But I know I have Ana and she will tell me to stop and she will make me think about how I want to tackle the problem. As I am writing this I feel frightened and terrified at the idea but I know that in a way, getting lost will be the only way. So, from now on I am going to let life take over control…step by step I am going to let go of the past because only then I can keep my future from being a constant battle…because the best is yet to come…_


	24. Chapter 24 - Shades

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 24 - Shades**

 **CPOV**

"I can't believe this…" She whispers. I don't know if I am more upset about her tone full of disappointment, the emotions on her beautiful face or the way she is dressed to go to the Nickelback concert with Ethan. Ana is wearing a woolen cardigan with long black boots and a mini skirt.

"And you knew for how long Christian?" She asks in an accusatory tone. _You fucked up again Grey. You fucked up royally this time._

"I have known for a while now Ana…but…" She holds one hand in the air and shakes her head, preventing me to finish my sentence.

Her hands falls slowly to her side and her breathing is becoming ragged.

"I don't believe you…" She finally whispers. "I just don't believe you…" She repeats.

"Ana baby…I have every reason to believe that…"

"Don't baby me Christian…you know what? I am not having this conversation right now. I am supposed to meet Ethan in twenty minutes. That means that I am late already." She says pointing at her watch.

"Then let me go with you…" I beg.

She lets out a humorous laugh while walking to the door sending chills down my spine. "I don't think so Grey. I am going to that Nickelback concert…I am going to forget about what you just told me…" She pauses for a bit. She is standing by the door with the doorknob in her hand. "You know what? I might even consider going backstage after the concert has ended…you know for a meet and greet with my former crush?" She cocks an eyebrow and waits for my reaction. I don't give her one. She thinks I'm lying. She thinks I don't want her to go to that stupid concert because I'm jealous. And even though she is partially right, that is not the biggest of my concerns. What I am most worried about is what Taylor told me yesterday. His face spoke volumes. The building where the concert takes place tonight is an old factory just outside Seattle. They have converted this building into this large hall where they can hold concerts and theater performances. The building is named "Nuances" and "Nuances" is the French word for Shades.

"And another thing…" Her eyes now burning with fury and unshed tears. "I might even get drunk, no scratch that I am going to get drunk… and don't even think of waiting up for me tonight…I will ask Sawyer to drive me to Ethan's apartment where I will sleep in the spare bedroom."

A stab of pain crashes through my heart as she says she is going to get drunk. From the moment we suspected or hoped that Ana could be pregnant she stopped drinking. Three days ago she started bleeding…it wasn't much Ana told me. It wasn't even what you could call a period and it didn't even last longer than one day with little blood loss. Anyway, at that moment the little hope we had on a small miracle was shattered into a million pieces. _Gone._ We haven't spoken about it. Simply because it was too hard to handle.

"I am telling you the truth Ana…" I try once more.

"Fuck you Grey…fuck you and your lying and your bullshit." She turns around on those high heels and her eyes are burning with anger. "You have been nagging my butt off about this concert since the moment you found out…you don't want me to go…somehow you don't trust me…and now that I am ready to go you tell me all about Taylor found out in Greece? That he talked to that old lady and that she warned him?" She shakes her head sadly and just stares at me. "It is all too convenient Christian. I don't believe you…"

I blink a few times trying to process everything she just threw in my face. Ana never talks this way.

Clenching my fists I take a step forward. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry…you were dealing with the miscarriage, the press…"

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" She screams. "I have told you time and time again not to lie to me. To not to withhold information from me. I am the one who decides whether I am up to handle it or not…" She presses her finger against her chest. "Me…Christian not you." She shakes her head again and brushes her fingers against her forehead. "I thought you knew me better Christian, but I guess you still think you have to protect me from all the evil in this world…"

"Ana…don't go like this…please let's talk this out…"

"I. am. Going. Christian." She says through gritted teeth. "I am going to that concert…I am going to have a good time with my best friend, I am going to sing and drink my butt of…and you…" She points her fore finger to my chest. "I suggest you call Flynn and tell him that you fucked up again. That you lied to your wife…" The tears are now falling from her eyes in rapid speed. Angry she brushes them away with the back of her hand and walks to the door. "Oh and don't expect me to join you on that session…you are on your own…" She throws over her shoulder.

"See you tomorrow Christian…" She croaks and forcefully opens the door.

"Ana stop!" Taking three long strides I take her by her arm and turn her around so that she is facing me.

"Let me explain…for the love of god Ana just let me fucking explain." I shut the bedroom door and release her arm.

"Just know that I won't change my mind Christian. I am going." Anger is blazing through her eyes. She has her chin slightly raised and her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"The woman warned Taylor about the miscarriage…at least that is what we think." I can't look at her when I say this because I don't want to see the devastation in her eyes.

"Wha…what?" She whispers and nearly loses her balance. When I finally find the courage to look at her, her eyes are looking everywhere but at me. Her hand slowly goes to her belly and then her face slowly turns to look at me.

"I can't believe that you knew all this time…" Her hand that was just covering her stomach falls to the side and she clenches it in a fist. "No…no…it is not true…you are making this up…"

"I'm not Ana…I am not making this up…"

"I have to go Christian." She says with a trembling voice. "Just let me go and don't try to stop me again." Taking a deep breath she opens the door and walks to the hallway. She doesn't even bother in closing the door.

I didn't lie to her. At least that wasn't my intention. I was trying to protect her. I was trying to make her forget what that old lady told her, because I knew how much it scared her. I was trying to carry that and to solve everything. I was trying to keep her save. I just wish that Taylor had found out sooner and not just twelve fucking hours ago. The urge to run after her is overwhelming. But I force myself to stay seated on the edge of our bed. _Give her space Grey... She doesn't believe you_. Hell I don't even know if I believe it. She is angry and rightly so. I would be livid if I found out that my wife had been withholding information from me.

I'm glad she is with Ethan though. I know that he cares about Ana and that he won't let her do anything stupid or rash. _God please let her be safe. Don't let anything happen to her._

* * *

I have no idea how long I spend walking aimlessly through the apartment. I smile when I look at the little knick-knacks scattered through the apartment since Ana moved in with me. There are pictures of the both of us, Sam's horrible yet funny drawings hanging on the refrigerator, books ... everywhere I look there are books. One of her scarfs is laying across a barstool. Picking it up I let the fabric glide through my fingers. I am tempted to walk to the security office and ask Taylor if Ana managed to get to Ethan in one piece. But I don't. I promised I would let go of that control. Besides I trust her. As I look at the empty room an unforbidden feeling takes hold of my body. Fear is taking over in a way I have never experienced before. It is all consuming. Distressing. Devastating. _I just wanted to keep her safe. I didn't want her to worry. I wanted to protect her._

She is right though…she is always right. I should have told her about what Taylor found out.

I turn around when I hear Taylor clearing his throat.

"Taylor." I say.

"Sir, we have done another sweep of the building. I have three covered CPO's keeping an eye on things. We didn't find anything out of the extraordinary."

"Thank you Taylor." I turn back facing the kitchen dismissing him. The last thing I see is Taylor surprised face.

I take my asshole self to the kitchen and rummage through the fridge. There are a ton of things I could be doing right now. For one…work.

"Oh Mr. Grey…I didn't expect you to be here…" Gail says walking in the kitchen.

"What are you doing here Gail? This is your night off…" I grunt.

Startled, probably by my tone of voice she just stares at me. "Before Ana lefts she asked me if I could fix you something to eat Mr. Grey." She answers apologetically.

"There is no need. I will make myself a sandwich. Go home Gail." My hunger forgotten I close the refrigerator. I make my way to my study and slump down in my chair.

Why do I keep fucking up? Why do I keep making a huge mess out of things?

After a while of endless thinking and overanalyzing I decide that instead of replying to those endless e-mails I am going to continue on the little surprise I have for Ana.

A hundredth and one way to tell Ana I love her. Well that should be easy right. Coming up with different ways to tell her I love her is easy, however writing it down on a tiny piece of paper and tying that tiny piece of paper together with a tiny piece of thread is something entirely different.

 _You rock my world._ And she does…she definitely rocks my world. _You make my world a better place._ Yes true again. I _am lost without you._ Totally true. Because look at me. I have over hundredth and sixty e-mails waiting for me and the only thing I can do I think about my wife and what she is doing right now. Is she having a good time? Is she safe? Is she still mad at me? _Of course she is mad Grey!_

I fix another tiny hand rolled piece of paper together with a piece of red thread and drop it in the glass jar I bought especially for my little project. _Maybe you could find a way to tell her in hundredth different ways that you are sorry Grey._

A snort escapes me as I watch Simba peacefully sleeping on the leather couch in my office. As if he feels that I'm looking at him he opens his eyes and watches me without blinking. "Yeah I know man…I fucked up again…" He just keeps staring without even blinking.

"Do you think she will be able to forgive me?" Simba then turns his head and closes his eyes again.

Even Simba is disappointed. It's a shame actually because we were getting along quite well. Even though he never does what I tell him, but he's cute and in one way or another it makes me happy as shit when he jumps on my lap when Ana and I are watching TV. He is quirky and lazy but I'm glad Ana convinced me about keeping him. _Although I am never going to admit that out loud._

I decide to take a shower and clear my mind of things. Taking the stairs two at the time I walk into our bedroom where Ana's presence is still lingering.

Her perfume bottle is standing on the chest of drawers. There is also other stuff that she took out of her overstuffed bag. Receipts, a book, hand cream and her phone…fuck she forgot her phone. What if she needs her phone?

Forgetting about the shower I grab the phone from the chest of drawers and make my way to the security office.

"Taylor Ana left her phone. I need to find her. But I will be going alone."

"Sir…"

However I don't listen. I need to get away. It is just to give her back her phone. Once I have returned her phone I am going to drive back home and let her enjoy her evening with Ethan.

 **APOV**

"Crap what happened to you Ethan…" I enter the apartment where I used to live with Kate. God. That seems ages ago.

I can still remember it clearly the day we moved in. José and Ethan helped us, we ate pizza and celebrated with cheap wine. Kate and I had been looking forward to this moment for a year. We expected to feel grown up and we were ready to face the world. Reality didn't turn out that way though. Because it was here when I got the phone call that my dad had been involved in a car accident. It was here were I grieved after my dad passed away. It was here where Ethan brought me after Jack Hyde attacked me and I locked myself up in my room for days in a row.  
To me this place is filled with so many bad memories that I couldn't leave here fast enough and move to Bainbridge Island. I needed a change desperately. And then Christian Grey showed up on my doorstep. With his 6'2, his amazingly handsome face and his perfect manners… he made my world turn on its axis. I am glad Elliot dragged him to Bainbridge that weekend. Because truth is that the only person, besides my dad, Christian is the only one who has the ability to make me feel loved, safe and cherished. _That of course when he isn't hiding things from me!_

Ever since I left the apartment twenty minutes ago I have this unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if he was telling me the truth? He should have told me sooner. Then again…I don't understand. He was the one who told me not to believe that woman, that she was only telling lies. Pushing that thought to the back of my head I focus back on Ethan who looks extremely pale.

"Where did you go to?" Ethan says slowly standing from the couch.

"I zoned out…" I say waving my hand in the air. "Christian and I had a fight before I left…"

Ethan's nods and offers me a beer from the fridge. "Was it bad?"

"Yeah…it was…" My insides churn as I recall the things I said to him. I deliberately told him that I was going to get drunk, that I was going to have fun, I rejected him when he asked me if he could join us and then I told him I wasn't going home after the concert had finished. But of course I am going home this evening. Even though he kept information from me…I am going home.

"Want to talk about it?" Ethan takes a gulp of his water and grimaces as he sits down.

"No I really don't." I clink my beer bottle against his water bottle and take a gulp. "What's wrong with you anyway?" I ask sitting down.

"My stomach has been bothering me the last couple of days, however it seem to be getting worse."

"Have you been to the doctor?" This is very unlike Ethan. He never gets sick. Actually I don't think I ever saw him sick in all the years that I have known him.

"Nah…it's probably stress." He shrugs and stands up from the stool. "Things have been crazy lately at work and then Mia returning to Paris…"

"She will be back in two weeks…"

"Yeah…I wish she would have listened to us. She could have called that Pierre dick and told him that she wouldn't be returning. But Mia of course wanted to do it in person. I wish I could have gone with her, but like I said I just couldn't find the time to take two weeks off work…my dad needs me…"

Standing with his hands in his pockets he seems to be deep in thought.

"I have my dad almost convinced to hire Kate back to come work for the paper."

"Do you think she still wants it?"

"I don't know. Kate is…well you know how Kate is. But she changed dramatically over the past few months…she seems to have mellowed down…so who knows…" He shrugs.

"She has changed…" I admit. "How is Jesse doing by the way?" I fidget with Ethan's car keys on the kitchen counter.

"He is cute. He sleeps, eats and shits his diaper. But Kate is completely smitten…"

"Things have changed rather quickly…" He states smiling.

"Yes, they have." I admit softly.

"Remember when we went to that first Nickelback concert?" He shakes his head. "God, Kate was awful…and José he looked totally out of place…" I smile as I remember that time. How they convinced me to tag along to that concert and how they dragged me out of that dorm…and Ethan is right Kate behaved like only she could. And José was indeed looked totally out of place.

"And you Mr. Kavanagh got extremely drunk!" I point at him. Throwing his head back he laughs. "Just don't remind me okay?"

"Have you heard something from José?" He asks suddenly.

"No…I haven't. I have been wanting to call his dad several times but somehow I chickened out. The truth is that I am not quite sure what to say to him." I look at Ethan who is watching me intently. "Dani told me that he visits Sam regularly and he is thinking about moving closer to where Dani lives."

"We should pick Sam up one time and visit a playground…you know just like we used to do."

"Yeah…he would love that." I smile as I think of Sam.

"So are you ready for my famous pizza?" Ethan wiggles his eyebrows while he rummages through the freezer.

"Sure, just try not to burn it this time." I reply and sit at the counter while I watch Ethan preparing the pizzas.

"Grace told me that Mia was going to move in with you?" I remove the slimy chunks of mushroom from my pizza and place them on Ethan's plate.

"Yes, that is until her place is finished and then we are planning in moving to her place. But from what Elliot told me he first needs to finish that horribly big mansion for a certain billionaire."

"We can probably move in just before Christmas." _And I can't wait. I can't wait to move out of Escala._

"Didn't Elliot tell me that he had another crew working on Mia's bakery?"

"Yes, your uncle is in charge but they are still applying for the various permits needed. Until then there is little they can do."

We eat in comfortable silence for a while. Neither of us is talking. I can't even count the times that we sat like this over the past years. Spending time with Ethan was always familiar and safe. I never needed to pretend.

"I'm going to ask Mia to marry me." Ethan blurts. His green eyes focus on mine as he watches my reaction. _Holy shit._

"When? And did you ask Carrick yet…?"

"No…I haven't. I wanted to ask him and then he got sick." Ethan cleans his hands on the paper napkin and brushes his hands over his face.

"You are nervous." I state and I can't help but smile.

"Yeah, of course I am. Have you seen the way Carrick looks at his daughters? Ana, he is one of the best lawyers in the state. Never lost a case before."

"There is more to Carrick then his lawyer persona Ethan. Sure he loves his kids and he treats his daughters like princesses but he can see that you are a good guy. You will have to hurry though, because Grace told me they were getting ready to leave to Montana for a week."

He nods and fumbles with the crinkled napkin in his hand.

"But when are you going to ask her?" I probe.

"I'm supposed to pick her up from Paris in two weeks. We wanted to spend a few days there before we return to Seattle."

"You are nervous! Oh my god Ethan Kavanagh is nervous!" I playfully slap his shoulder and smile.

"What if she says no?" Uncertainty clouding his face.

"Forget that." I wave my hand in the air dismissing that thought. "She won't. Mia is crazy about you. But tell me how are you going to propose to her?"

"I am going to take her to the Sacre Coeur in Montmartre at sunset. The view from the top takes in the whole of Paris, and it is amazing. It casts the whole city in a magical light. Mia loves it here. There is a scene in the movie Amélie, what happens to be Mia's favorite movie and it takes place at the Sacre Coeur." Ethan smiles shyly and starts picking at his pizza.

"I already bought her ring…" He says silently. "I am going to put it in a Macaron and propose." _Oh wow…_

"That is so romantic Ethan. But don't worry about it I am sure Mia will accept. And as for Carrick…" I shrug and push my now empty plate away from me. "I think her brothers will be a greater challenge."

I pat his back sympathetically and make my way to the bathroom.

"Fuck I completely forgot about them…" Ethan groans and buries his head in his hands muttering something under his breath.

* * *

"Really Banana? Two bodyguards?"

We are sitting in the SUV. Sawyer is driving and Reynolds is sitting in the passenger seat staring straight ahead.

I just shrug and turn my head to look out of the window my mind immediately drifting off to Christian. Shit. I never should have left the apartment like that. But I was so angry. I close my eyes tightly and take a deep breath preventing the tears to start falling.

"You know that the concert already started?" Ethan says looking at his watch.

I just nod my head. I don't care that the concert has started already. I just feel like shit for leaving Christian like that.

"Hey you all right banana?"

"Yeah…" I croak. "I should probably send Christian a text…" I say while I search through my bag for my phone. Panic sets in as I can't find that freaking phone anywhere. And that's when I realize that I probably left it on the chest of drawers when I was getting ready to leave. But then Christian dropped that bomb on me and I forgot all about the phone.

I forget all about the phone when I see Ethan leaning back against the seat. His brow is covered with a little sheen of sweat, his hand clutching his stomach.

"Are you all right Ethan?" I feel the car coming to a complete stop and see that we have ended in a traffic jam. "What's wrong?" I ask Sawyer.

"Don't know…we are almost at our destination though…shouldn't be very long now." I nod and slide back into my seat. "Ethan…" I softly touch his shoulder and when he opens his eyes they are bloodshot. "I will be all right…just give me a minute…" He is trying to smile but failing miserably.

"Ethan…maybe I should ask Sawyer to drive to the hospital…you don't look very good."

"No! We are going to that concert Ana…just like the old times…" He leans back against the seat again and while I watch him I see his face turn from extremely pale to an unhealthy grayish color. _Well shit. Screw the concert Ethan needs a hospital._

"Sawyer…Sawyer please turn around and drive us to the hospital." I tap Sawyer on his shoulder impatiently as I try to see what is happening in front of us.

Sawyer curses and slams his hand against the steering wheel. I have never heard him swear before. _Shit._

"I can't move Ana…we're stuck. Seems that there is a fire somewhere…" I unbuckle my safety belt and move closer to the middle of the seat. Peering into the distance I try to see what's going on. There are sirens in the distance and enormous gray clouds of smoke coming from a building in the distance.

"I hope there aren't any people in that building" I murmur. Both Sawyer and Reynolds don't respond. They are both looking at their phones. "I am going to see what is going on." Reynolds say looking at Sawyer.

"Keep me posted." Is Sawyer's terse answer.

"Oh fuck…" I hear Ethan cursing next to me. My head snaps to look at him and he is now hunched forward clutching his right side.

"Ethan…Ethan tell me what's going on…" I grasp his chin so that he is forced to look at me. His eyes are clenched shut and his face is contorted in pain.

"My stomach…it hurts Ana…I…I think I need…I need to see a doctor…"

"Ethan…we are stuck…but as soon as Reynolds gets back we are going to find a way to get you to a hospital okay…" Ethan nods and grunts.

"Just take hold of my hand Ethan…and don't do anything funny. Remember you are asking Mia to marry you…and that your proposal I going to be so beautiful and romantic…" I ramble and Ethan just nods.

The car door opens again and seeing Reynolds face I don't think he has good news. "The fire is in the building where the concert was being held…it's a fucking mess. There are people everywhere some with severe burns…and from what I've heard the fire department just entered the building since there are still people inside."

My hand flies to my mouth to hide the gasp. Hearing Reynold say those words feels like a punch in my stomach. _Christian was right! But what's worse is that the old psychic woman was telling the truth. Shit._

"Is there any way we can get Ethan to a hospital?" God. I should have listened to Christian. I should have stayed home…I should have talked to him.

"There is no way we can get out of here by car…" Sawyer says and turns in his seat. "Mr. Kavanagh are you able to walk?" Ethan doesn't even respond. His head is laying on my lap and his arm is still clutched over his stomach.

"But we can't walk…where is the nearest hospital? We need an ambulance…" My head is all over the place and the only thing is see is Ethan in pain.

"We will figure things out Ana, but we need to get Mr. Kavanagh to the hospital." Sawyer replies and opens the door.

"Reynolds you stay by the car and call me if something changes. We'll keep in touch." Sawyer says.

Before I know what's happening we are crossing the street that is packed with cars. Sawyer keeps telling me to watch out and to stay close. But my eyes constantly drift off to the burning building. The smoke is heavy and I can clearly see the ash and smoke rising out of the burning building. It smells putrid, horrible.

"Oh my God…we…we need to call Christian. We need to tell him that we were late and that I wasn't in that building."

"We will call him as soon as we can Ana…" Sawyer now even sounds mad at me and I decide to keep my mouth shut and just keep walking. _I somehow need to find a way to call Christian._

After walking about ten minutes we arrive at a quiet neighborhood. People are standing at their front doors talking animatedly to each other. Others are making their way to the burning building to watch the drama. That is something I will never understand. The urge to watch an accident or in this case a fire. They should stay at home and let the professionals do their jobs.

An older couple stands silently at their door looking into the distance. From here there is little to see only the growing cloud of smoke.

I see them take a step back when they see us approaching. The woman looks suspiciously from Sawyer to Ethan who looks sicker by the minute.

"Sir our friend here is in need of medical assistance. Could we borrow your car?" Sawyer motions with his head to an old dark blue Beetle that is parked in their small driveway.

"Certainly…let me get the keys for you."

"Thank you Sir. We will make sure to return this car to you as soon as possible."

While the man walks inside the house for his keys the unsettling feeling in my stomach only grows bigger. I have this feeling that something horrible just happened. I curse myself for forgetting my stupid phone. I can practically hear my dad's voice. _"Annie you have_ _a brain like a sieve."_ He was so right. So…so damn right.

"I will drive you." The old man has changed clothes and opens the doors. Sawyer and I squeeze our way into the back while Ethan sits in front next to the older man. If the situation weren't so dire I would laugh. Because seeing Sawyer sitting in the back of this beautiful vintage Beetle is extremely funny. He is literally stuck between me and the window.

"Do you have your phone?" I whisper at Sawyer. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I left it in the car Ana…" _Shit. Shit. Shit._

The old man is navigating his car through different streets that I don't even recognize. Soon we are finally back on a main road on our way to the hospital.

"Sir…do you happen to have a cell phone I can use?" I ask carefully.

He chuckles at my question and looks at me through his rearview mirror. "I don't own one of those things…"

"Ethan how are you doing?" I place my hand on his shoulder and he just shakes his head. "Does your stomach still hurt?" He now nods his head. "Are you feeling nauseous?" Again he nods his head.

"Hold on for a little while longer okay?"

"A few more minutes' son." The old man tells Ethan.

We pass Different ambulances, police and fire trucks that are heading in the direction of the building. I turn around and peek through the rear window. There is nothing I can see though only the smoke.

Twenty minutes later we have arrived at the Northwest Hospital & Medical Center. The old man, whose name I didn't even ask parks the car in front of the ER and we all step out.

"We need help! Please someone help us!" I scream to no one in particular.

The moment I open Ethan's door he bends over and starts to vomit. "Sorry Banana…" He croaks.

"It's okay Ethan…please let us get you inside…" _Please let him be all right. Please don't let it be something serious._

While Sawyer help Ethan out of the car and even though I am trying to avoid it, my eyes are drawn to the ground where Ethan just threw up and that's when I notice that there is blood. _Ethan just threw up blood._ There are now two male nurses who are helping Ethan on a stretcher. I rush by his side and take his hand. "Ethan…they are going to help you…but please promise me that you will be okay…" _Please._

"He just threw up blood…" I tell the nurses. "You have got to help him…"

"You can't go with us. Sign up at the reception and we will call you as soon as possible." The nurses try to walk away. "Stop!" I yell. "I need to tell him something…"

Crying I wrap my hand around Ethan's neck and bury my face in his chest. "Please be okay Ethan…you are my best friend…you are the brother I never had…please Ethan…"

"Ma'am…we need to get going…" With a last kiss on his cheek I see Ethan being taken into one of the tiny emergency rooms.

"Come on Ana we need to inform his parents and Ms. Grey." Sawyer says guiding me towards the reception area.

* * *

"I'm so sorry." I wrap my arms around Ethan's mother and cry. "I didn't know he was feeling so sick…I'm sorry…we took him to the hospital as soon as we could." I murmur against her shoulder.

"Ana…its okay sweetheart. You heard the doctor's Ethan is going to be all right." Ethan's mother gives me a watery smile and kisses my fore head.

"Now why don't you go and see how he is doing and I will give Kate a call…"

I just nod and unwrap myself from her arms. Wiping away the tears from my face I adjust my dress and straighten my shoulders.

Ethan's father is sitting in the chair next to his son they are talking softly to each other. As soon as they hear me entering the room Ethan's father stands up and smiles.

"Ana…will you tell my son that for once in his life he should listen to his father?" I just nod my head and make my way to Ethan.

"Hey Banana…" He croaks. _He still looks sick._ I give him a little wave and take his hand in mine.

"How are you feeling?" I whisper. Because I know that otherwise I am going to cry again.

"Don't worry about me Ana…I'm sorry I ruined our evening…as soon as they let me leave I will make it up to you okay?" And that's when I lose it. Hearing him talk that way, apologizing when he didn't even do it on purpose I break down.

"I was so worried Ethan…" I finally let the tears fall and clutch his hand. "When we reached the hospital you started to throw up…and there was blood…I thought that something horrible was happening to you…" I see Ethan smiling through my tears.

"Don't laugh at me Kavanagh…" I squeeze his hand softly. "I was really worried…"

"It's my own fault Ana. I should have gone to the doctor a long time ago…"

"They said it was a stomach ulcer right?"

"Yeah… they shoved a tube through my throat and into my stomach. Seems that my stomach looks abnormal..." I wince as he mentions the tube going down his throat.

"Mia is on her way. She just boarded the plane a half hour ago." I say smiling through my tears.

"What did she say?"

"I didn't understand everything because she was crying…we were both crying actually. But she made me warn you though?"

"Ugh…do I even want to hear?"

"She is going to kick your ass…"

There is a knock on the door and before Ethan has the time to say anything the door opens and I see Sawyer standing in the doorway looking distraught.

"Did you managed to call Christian?" I ask but I am already standing from the chair since I don't like the look on his face.

"Ana…maybe you should sit down…"

"What is wrong Sawyer just tell me…" The silence seems to take forever. "Sawyer, please tell me…"

"Ana…it seems that Mr. Grey left Escala. You forgot you phone and he was bringing it to you…"

I feel my knees buckling underneath me and take hold of the bed end. "When I just called Taylor he told me that Mr. Grey left one hour ago Ana. He can't reach him." Sawyer continues.

 _Christian. Christian went to that building? He wanted to bring me my phone? Oh my god, Christian went to that building._

"Where is Reynolds?"

Sawyer shakes his head. "Reynolds just arrived here five minutes ago Ana. The entire area was evacuated…"

"No…no….Sawyer…Christian has to be somewhere. He isn't in that building do you hear me?"

"Ana…why don't you calm down. Taylor is already on his way to see if he can find Mr. Grey."

"I won't calm down…"

"Ana…" I hear Ethan. "Maybe you should listen to Sawyer and let Taylor do his job?"

"Let Taylor do his job? If Taylor had been doing his fucking job Christian wouldn't be alone right now!" I yell.

Without thinking, I run past Sawyer and out of the room. The exit I need to find the exit.  
Along the way I bump against several people, but it don't care. I need to find the exit. Behind me I hear Sawyer calling my name, but I need fresh air ... I need to find that stupid exit. I need to get to Christian. God, please don't let Christian be in that building. Please don't let anything happen to him.

 **CPOV**

 _Ana please be all right baby. Please be all right._ I have been repeating this mantra again and again since I left Escala. My whole body is tense as I make my way through traffic. _I have to find her._ When I stepped in the car I heard on the radio that there is a fire in the area where the concert is taking place. The moment I reach the street I see that there are roadblocks that make it impossible to get to the building. The area is crowded with police officers, ambulances and fire trucks. The closer I get to the building the harder it gets to breathe. Not only from the thick smoke but from the pain in my chest. _If anything happens to Ana…_

Eventually I park the car in a secluded alley behind the building. With a little luck I can probably get into the building unnoticed.

In the distance I can hear faintly people screaming. _Fuck. Please let Ana be okay. Let her be okay._

I truly think that I haven't been this scared before in my life. The fear is paralyzing, but the thought of Ana being in danger makes me forget everything.

With Ana's phone clutched in my hand I make my way to the side entrance. I can clearly hear the sizzling of the fire and the splintering noises of the material above me. The heat is almost intolerable. I take one glance back and I can't hardly distinguish the car because of the heavy smoke. _Ana_ _I'm coming._ With my handkerchief over my mouth I take a few steps further inside.

* * *

 **I will try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible! Sorry for the mean cliffy!**


	25. Chapter 25 - Dreams

**Chapter 25 - Dreams**

 **So before we start with the next chapter there are some issues I want to address. I knew when I posted chapter 24 that I would get some harsh reviews/critique even, but what I did not except were demeaning, rude and highly offensive guest reviews. (I deleted those by the way). I can handle constructive criticism, however personal attacks that have nothing to do with the story line I really can't condone.**

 **As for many of you here, reading and writing is a way to escape the real world. And even though my life is pretty cool and fulfilling, sometimes it is nice to get lost in the world of FICTION! Yes, fiction…not real. Ana and Christian are not real. So, if I decide when writing my story that I want Ana and Christian to jump of a cliff… they can…because I said so…then it is up to you whether you decide to continue reading the story or not.**

 **As for the guest reviewer who mentioned that she didn't see Nickelback having a concert in a converted warehouse…well they did…and you know why? Because I wrote it that way…And why did Christian walk into that building? Well, we don't always make the most sensible decisions do we?**

 **I know that some of you are now thinking that I should 'deal' with the negative reviews because that is one of the risks. But like I mentioned before…constructive criticism is fine…but don't insult me! You don't know me. Really, some of you guys get your knickers in a twist over the smallest details…Ana has too much of a backbone, Ana is a doormat, Christian is an ass, Christian is too soft…too much drama, not enough drama…I can go on and on forever. Geez make up your mind already!**

 **I actually don't know where you think you get the right to demand that a story should take a certain turn. Do you think I am going to change the plot or story line because you tell me this is dragging or that the story sucks? Those comments only show that you really don't know me at all. Because, whether you like it or not, I already wrote the outline of this story and I am not going to change that. So, if you want to come along for the ride…fine…if you don't…that's okay…there are a huge amount of FSOG stories written on this site, I am sure there is one to your liking. Just don't ruin it for the others.**

 **I am actually torn about what I am about to write next. I have decided to take a step back from this site for a few weeks. I don't consider myself a writer, I do this for fun…for relaxation and not to be offended. And to say that I was pissed off when I read those horrible reviews would be a huge understatement. We have a saying here in The Netherlands that says: "De goeden lijden onder de kwaden" meaning "The good are the victims of the bad…" I think that sums it up quite nicely…**

 **For the faithful reviewers/readers who have stuck with me since the start of Extraordinary and then followed me to Wish. Thank you. You guys are amazing. I promise you that I am going to finish this story, however I hope you understand why I need this time away. And like Christian said. The best is yet to come…**

 **Alner**

 **Chapter 25 – Dreams**

 **APOV**

I never made it out of that stupid hospital. Before I knew it Sawyer's gigantic hand was wrapped around my arm and pulling me back to Ethan's room. To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement. However, the emotion dominating my body is anger. Pure, uncontrolled anger.

"Will you let go of my arm" As forcefully as possible I pull myself free from Sawyers grip. And in this very moment I don't care how tall he is because I'm livid. But in moments like this when he doesn't talk and only glares I just want to kick him.

"Where is Taylor?" I demand and cross my arms in front of my chest.

"Taylor is out looking for Mr. Grey."

"Why wasn't Taylor with Christian in the first place?"

"I don't know. All I know I that I have to keep you safe." As I stare at him the pain in my chest and stomach returns in full force and every ounce of determination leaves my body.

They are all keeping things from me. And that's what started this at the first place.

"Knowing Christian I know that there had to be probably a few CPO's at that concert is that right?"

"Yes, that would be correct." He answers stoically.

"Then why didn't they alert Taylor or Christian?"

"I don't know Ana. I can't answer that question."

"What do you actually know Sawyer?" I say glaring at him.

"Protocol in cases like this is to take you home." He bows his head lightly and takes a step back.

"Then just take me home Sawyer." I say defeated.

After saying goodbye to Ethan, Sawyer and Reynolds walk me to the car. It takes us thirty minutes to get back to Escala. Thirty excruciatingly long minutes.

No one speaks a word during the ride back to Escala and not even during the ride in the elevator.

I don't speak when I step out of the elevator and I don't speak when Sawyer tells me that he is in his office in case I need something. I walk in one straight line to the fridge and take the half bottle of wine out. Without even bothering to grab a glass I walk to couch and wait.

I can't believe that my husband is somewhere out there and that I am forced to sit here like a complete moron. I look at the bottle of wine in my hand and take a swig. _God, that tastes so good._

At exactly the same time that I lean my head back and close my eyes I hear someone enter the room.

"Do you need me to call someone for you Ana?" Sawyer voice sounds apologetic now. Well fuck him. I don't want apologetic. I want my husband. I want to know where he is, what he is doing and most importantly is he is all right. _Please let him be all right._

"No. And Sawyer?" With my eyes still closed and showing no respect whatsoever I continue. "Please don't bother me again unless you have news about my husband."

When I hear Sawyer leaving the great room I release a breath I didn't even know I was holding. Should I call Grace? I immediately dismiss the idea. Carrick has enough stress already without having to deal with his youngest son shenanigans. I will call Grace if Christian hasn't returned in one hour.

While the nerves is my body are at full swing I take another swig of the wine. _It doesn't even taste that good if I had to be honest._ With a sigh I stand from the couch and place the bottle of wine on the table. With my hands wrapped around my waist I walk through the empty room.

Standing in front of the large abstract painting I realize that this is probably the first time that I've actually taken a good look at the art hanging everywhere. This particular painting is minimalistic, modern and plain ugly. I never asked Christian if he picked this out himself or that Gia the bitch did it for him. Did he really like this of did he just see it as a good investment. Probably the latter. Looking at the painting with more closely I decide that I don't like it. I mean, what is there to like? Someone just took a paintbrush and added streaks in gray, black and blue. _Sam would have done a better job!_

I really hope Christian likes colorful paintings, because that is my intention for our new home. I also want to create a picture wall, just like that one at the cottage.

With a sigh I make my way through the hallway until I end in front of Christian's closed office door. I open it carefully and stick my head inside. Frowning I take a step forward and the notice that his desk is a mess this is nothing like Christian. No matter how busy he is. He always cleans up everything. The first thing I notice are all small pieces of paper and red colored thread scattered across his desk. His laptop is open and I don't believe what I see. Simba is actually lying on top of the keyboard. I grab Simba and hug him to my chest. "You should be lucky that Christian didn't find you laying like this, because he is looking for an excuse to send you to China you know?" I place him on the floor and he actually has the nerve to look at me annoyed. Then he turns around and I can almost see the grin on his face when he jumps on Christian's pristine white couch. He stretches lazily and goes back to sleep, completely unaware of his surroundings. _Amazing._

Looking around Christian's office, I take a seat on Christian's chair. Just when I am about to look more closely at one of those little papers the door flies open making me jump in the chair. _Geez._ _He scared me half to death._

It's Sawyer. _He better have news._

Expressionless I look at him, my both hands on Christian's desk. I seem calm, but my heart is pounding like crazy.  
"I just received a call from Taylor. He found Mr. Grey ... they are now on their way to the hospital.  
Taylor found him inside of the building unconscious. From what Taylor could see he isn't injured. They are taking him to Seattle Grace hospital and according to my information Dr. Trevelyan is working the night shift."

I just nod and without a word I follow Sawyer.

 **CPOV**

"I want to go home!" I growl at the utterly annoying nurse. "I need to call my wife." I say exasperated. God damn they already did a chest x-ray, they did a blood test and they even attached a stupid looking probe at my finger. According to the nurse that is needed to determine the amount of oxygen in the blood.

"So you said about thirty times Mr. Grey. I need you to lay down and leave that oxygen mask where it belongs." She snaps. _She is actually snapping at me._ "And like doctor Trevelyan said, you are not supposed to talk either."

"My wife…"

"Your wife is on her way Mr. Grey!" She replies and shoves the mask back on my face.

The door flies open and a very angry looking Grace is standing in the doorway wearing her white coat. _Fuck. Not good. Not good at all._

"Thank you Tanya…" My mother addresses the snapping nurse. I want to say that there is absolutely no need to thank little Ms. Snappy over here, but seeing my mother's face I decide not to. "I will take it from here."

"You're welcome Dr. Trevelyan…" _Suck up._

My hand automatically goes to the mask that was just so unpleasantly shoved on my face, but it falls limp on the bed the moment my brain registers my mother's lifted eyebrow.

"If I see that hand close to that mask again, I will personally arrange for it to be cut off…" She hisses.

I give her a stupid nod and close my eyes preparing myself for the verbal torment that is coming my way in 3, 2, 1….

"What the hell possessed you Christian Trevelyan Grey!" _I can't talk with this thing on my face…she knows that right?_

"And you are supposed to be a smart man!" _Guess I am not supposed to talk yet…_ She throws the chart on my bed making it land with a thud on my legs. She throws her hands in the air…totally exasperated.

"So, do you want to tell me what you were thinking when you entered that burning building Christian?" My mother crosses her arms in front of her chest and sighs. _Are those tears in her eyes?_

Ever so slowly I move my hand to the mask but it freezes midair when my mother zones her eyes on my hand. "Don't you dare take of that mask mister." _Jesus Christ. Make up your mind already woman._ "If you attempt one more time to pull that oxygen mask from your face, I will personally put an oxygen tube down your throat…" She takes a step closer and cocks her head to the side. "Understand Christian?" _Totally…I totally understand. Don't want tube pushed down my throat. Don't touch the fucking oxygen mask. Got it._

I nod meekly.

"Good I thought you would." She says smugly.

"Now I am going to ask you a couple of questions and you only answer with a nod or a shake of that stupid head of yours…Is that understood?" I want to say that my head is not stupid, but instead I just nod.

"Does your throat hurt?" My mother has the chart in her hand and she is probably thinking of ways to hit me with it. _Hard. Repeatedly. Often._

I nod.

"How is your breathing? Are you short of breath?"

Again a nod. _Might as well be honest._ My mother closes her eyes and I see the knuckles on her hand turn white. I swallow and even though I am fighting it I start coughing. _Well shit._

"Do you have a headache?" _Yup._ But I decide to tone it down a bit so I motion with my thumb and forefinger. _Just a little._

My mother moves closer and leans in. "I am going to remove the mask but you are not supposed to talk." Again I nod.

"Your eyes are red and irritated, I don't like the color of your skin and you have soot in your nostrils…"

Her eyes scan my face and for a second I see her face soften. With the utmost gentleness and love she brushes her lips against my fore head and kisses it. "I am still mad Christian…I am just thinking about an appropriate punishment." She whispers and shoves the fucking mask back on my mouth. I really don't like the sound of the _appropriate punishment_. Because my mother is the best in coming up with the most embarrassing punishments ever known to mankind.

"Any erectile dysfunctions?" _What the fuck?_ My hand immediately flies to my junk. _Yup…all there…_

"Just kidding…" She turns around on her heels and scrapes a chair over the floor to sit next to me. "I think you are going to be just fine." She says giving me the evil eye.

"And now I am going to sit here until your wife arrives…I am going to tell you time and time again how stupid you have been and how dangerous it was to enter a burning building. A building that was surrounded by police and firemen….a building that was almost on the verge of collapsing before you decided to play superman, a building that collapsed ten minutes after Taylor dragged your sorry ass out of there."

I don't know what is scaring me more…her expression or her choice of words. My mother never talks that way. My mother never uses the words sorry ass. She is the epitome of grace and elegance.

She is right though. I should have never entered that fucking building. When it finally got through me I couldn't find my way back. The panic I felt was enormous… I couldn't get my breathing under control. I couldn't see and the heat was unbearable. I was actually afraid. There was one moment that I thought I was going to die and I could only see Ana's face in front of me.

When I woke up again I was in the back of an ambulance. My first thought again was … _where is Ana._ But then I fell back into unconsciousness.

Eying me suspiciously my mother straightens her skirt with both of her hands and folds them in their lap. "You were lucky that Taylor was right behind you Christian." Her voice thankfully seems softer now, however her eyes are saying something entirely different. I nod my head and close my eyes.

"We are going to keep you here for the night for observation. I want to be sure that your lungs are fully healed. And if I am happy tomorrow you will be released. I can proscribe you medication such as an inhaler if you still notice shortness of breath or pain medication. The hoarseness of your voice will probably reduce within the next few days."

Resolutely she stands from her chair and starts fussing with the sheets. "You are lucky that I am working a nightshift." My mother walks to the other side of the bed and tucks the sheets closer to my body. "Do you realize that some people who were attending that concert were less fortunate than you? Luckily the heavy smoke alerted them. There are no death casualties." _Thank god._

"I am going to check on other patients. I will be back in one hour or so." My mother gives me a sweet peck on my cheek and brushes her hand through my hair. With a sad look in her eyes she shakes her head and walks towards the door. "Remember Christian." She says standing by the door. "I will find out if you remove that oxygen mask and the consequences will not be pretty."

It takes less than a minute before the door opens again. Ana. She is here. She came. God I can't wait to hold her in my arms and to tell her how sorry I am. _If I only could talk._

Silently sobbing she practically runs to me and wraps her hands around my neck. She pushes her face in the crook of my neck and cries. I bring my arms up to her back and just hold her.

I have no idea how long we stay like this but when she finally stands up her teary eyes scan my face. "Are you in pain?" I shake my head. My hand moves to the mask but she stops me immediately.

"Don't …your mother told me that you need that oxygen…please…for me. We will talk later okay?" Her hand stays on mine and then she entwines our finger and rests them on my chest.

"I'm sorry that I didn't believe you…"She says crying again. "I'm sorry that I told you liar and to fuck off and go fuck yourself…" She wipes the tears from her face and then something changes in her eyes.

"What were you thinking anyway Christian?" She whispers. "Entering a burning building. I could have lost you…" Her face scrunches up and the tears start falling from her eyes again. _I needed to make sure that you were all right Ana._

"Ethan and I didn't even make it to the concert. We were running late and then Ethan got sick…he is now at … hospital due to a stomach ulcer…I didn't have my phone with me and then things got really crazy and I tried I really tried to call you and when Sawyer told me that you took off to look for me I was in the hospital … nobody knew where you were Christian. What were you thinking in leaving without Taylor?" She stops talking and scans my face again "You look tired. Why don't you sleep…I will stay here with you." She looks at the chair my mother sat in just a few minutes ago. I tug her hand and move in the bed to make place for her. When she realizes what I'm doing she straightens her shoulders. "No…I am going to sit in the chair." _The fuck you are._

I shake my head no and pull the covers up. "I don't want to hurt you…I don't want you to be uncomfortable…" She whispers again fighting back tears. _You won't. You will only hurt me if you don't get into this bed with me._

She sighs and pulls off her black boots. "Just until you have fallen asleep."

The feeling that seizes my body at the moment Ana is lying next to me against me is incredible. It is indescribable. Her scent, her warm body and her hand entwined with mine. This is all I'll ever want or need. _I love you Anastasia._  
"I love you too Christian. Go to sleep." And with Ana safely next to me and in my arms I can finally give in to the exhaustion.

 _It's hot. I feel like I am suffocating. And nothing makes sense. It is like I am standing in the middle of a burning building and in the far distance I can hear giggling. Someone is giggling. I try to turn my head to see who is giggling but I can't. I can't move my head. The giggling is sweet and childish. It is not Ana's giggle. It is still too warm…and I can't move. It's like something is pressing against my chest. My throat hurts…I want to call out but no words come out._

 _Then suddenly I am seated in a meadow. The flowers surrounding us are beautiful…it is a field full of flowers….and forget me nots. It just doesn't make sense…forget me nots don't grow in meadows…_

 _Giggling…there is more giggling. This time I am able to move my head…the pressure in my chest is gone and I feel happy…the sun is shining and I feel loved. The sound of the giggling is coming from the distance. Shielding my face against the sun and squinting my eyes I see this little girl bouncing in my direction. She is so beautiful. She reminds me of Ana._

 _The beautiful little girl is dancing and smiling…she is happy. She waves shyly and again I am reminded of Ana's shy smile…I feel my lips turning into a smile as I see her little hips moving, her little chubby arms waving in the air. The bright sun is shining on her little head reflecting her beautiful curly hair._

 _..._ _there are streaks of copper_ _woven in between her brown locks._ _  
_ _"Look at me…look at me…." She says happily. I am looking…I am…but I can't speak…_

 _Bouncing the little girl makes her way towards me…she is wearing an adorable white dress that sways around her little frame every time she moves…"Did you see that…" She says happily. She is so happy. I notice a little white bunny dangling from her hand. I have seen that bunny before!_

 _She comes closer and closer and then her eyes meet mine. Blue. They are striking blue…just like Ana's. She even has little freckles scattered along her little button nose. She smells like flowers and sunshine. I want to reach out and hold her…but I can't…I can't move._

 _Suddenly I feel cold again…she is moving…the little girl is waving at me. "Bye" she says._

 _No…no don't go…but I can't speak…I can't move…_

" _Bye…daddy…" The last words are just a faint whisper…but I heard them…she called me daddy…_

"Christian…Christian! Wake up…please wake up…" _No…no go away…I need to get to that little girl._ I think everyone recognizes it. The moment you awaken from that one beautiful dream ... the only thing you then want to do is close your eyes and go back to that dream.

"Christian please!" My eyes snap open and I am met with teary blue eyes. Exactly like the little girl. "Ana…" Automatically my arms wrap around her waist and I push her against my chest.

"You were dreaming…" She whispers against my chest. "You looked so distressed…you were gasping for air…" I close my eyes tightly and feel miserable. _The little girl is gone._

"Do you feel all right Christian? Should I call a doctor?"

"No…no doctor please. I feel fine…" I rasp.

"Your mother said that you should keep down the talking. They have removed the oxygen mask, but she said that if you feel short of breath or struggle with breathing that …"

"Just hold me Ana…"

* * *

A few hours later I am sitting on the couch in the great room which is filled with people. I don't know why they felt the need to see me when I am doing perfectly fine. _Still overwhelmed by that dream, but fine._

Ana is smiling and making conversation to everyone while she keeps walking to the kitchen preparing snacks and drinks. Every now and then I see her looking in my direction making sure if I am all right. When I smile she smiles back and continues with what she was doing. We still didn't get the chance to talk because ever since we step foot into the apartment her grandparents were already waiting here for us.

I catch little pieces from conversations, but if I am totally honest I can't be bothered. I just want to be alone with my wife.

"Want to go outside to the balcony to grab some fresh air man?" Elliot is watching me with concern.

"Sure…let's go…"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Elliot says after we have been sitting just staring in the distance.

"No."

"Already thought you wouldn't." He states. He takes a bite of one of Nana's muffins and groans in delight. _Fucker. He is eating my muffins._ "These are really good…I prefer those banana muffins Nana makes, but these are not bad at all…damn they have these enormous chunks of chocolate" He says smugly.

"Mia arrived one hour ago." He continues. "She looked like shit…" I just nod and take a zip of the tea Ana's grandmother made me. _Tea…fucking tea. I despise tea._ "She said that she will stop by tomorrow…Ethan is going to be released soon…"

The silence stretches between us, and I know that my brother is growing anxious. He can't stand the silence. _That's probably the reason why he never shuts the fuck up_. I on the other hand love silence…except if I am listening to Ana's voice…

"Nickelback made a statement; they set up a charity to help the victims of the fire. They also stated that they have set a special team to investigate the fire."

"That's the least they can do…" I murmur.

"Well if the contractor screwed up he is going to be in a shit load of trouble man…" Elliot shudders at the thought and pops the remaining piece of muffin in his mouth.

Suddenly Elliot stands up from the recliner and stretches his arms then he smacks the back of my head.

"Dickhead! What was that for?" I say rubbing the back of my head. _Fuck that actually hurt._

"That was for entering a burning building you asshole! Just remember…" He points his big finger at me. "Next time I am going to kick your ass and then eat all of those muffins!"

"You already ate all of my muffins you idiot!" However Elliot doesn't seem impressed by my little outburst at all. Because he simply wiggles his eyebrows and flips me the bird. _Asshole._

* * *

"Your bath is ready…" Ana says. She is dressed in a silk pink pajama. Her hair is fastened on top of her head in a loose bun and her face is clean of makeup. _She looks absolutely beautiful._

"Aren't you joining me?" I ask gliding into the warm water.

She thinks about it and then shrugs. "Okay…but no funny business. You heard your mother. No exertion." She smiles sweetly and awaits my answer with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"I promise" I answer begrudgingly. "Now come here gorgeous." In a matter of seconds Ana is sliding into the warm water and leaning with her back against my chest.

"You could have died Christian…" Ana whispers. I close my eyes and feel my heartrate pike up.

She turns around and sits down on her knees between my legs. The tears sliding slowly down her face as she looks at me. She then slide her finger down my face starting at the miniscule scar at my eyebrow. Never leaving her eyes off me Ana slowly slides her finger along the two day stubble covering my cheeks and chin to my lips. There she lingers a little longer. It is like she wants to remember every little detail. With her hand on my cheek her eyes move to my neck and then my chest. Shifting her body she leans down and kisses all of my scars on my chest.

"I'm sorry Ana…" I lean my head against hers. "I am so sorry about everything…" She nods her head and slowly moves her head so that she is able to look at me. "I know…I am sorry too Christian…" She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Promise you will never pull a stunt like that ever again…"

"I promise…" I say without letting her finish her sentence.

"The next time we fight…let us fix thing before we go our own way. If something would have happened to you my last words wouldn't have been pretty Christian…"

"It is a deal." I say pulling her closer even though it is almost impossible.

"Why didn't you tell me about the psychic Christian?"

"I know it was wrong…" I start. "But I thought I was making the right decision by keeping you out of that. I didn't want you to live in fear…and after what happened…I just didn't want to put more stress on you…"

"How would you feel if I kept you in the dark from something like that?" Her fingers are making little circles on my chest as she asks me this. I don't reply because we both know how I would feel…the exact same way as Ana felt when she found out.

"Do you still have a headache?" She asks now completely changing the subject.

"No I don't…I feel good baby. Please don't worry about it okay?"

'Why didn't you call Ethan or the CPO's?" She asks after a while.

"I don't know. When I found out that you had left your phone here I just needed to make sure that you got it. Then I heard on the radio about the fire…all thoughts left my mind Ana. I couldn't think rationally. I needed to get to you. The only thing I could think about was "what if Ana is stuck in that building?"

She nods and sighs. "Don't do stupid things like that anymore okay?"

"Promise." I kiss her temple and hold her against my chest.

"Ana…in the hospital when you woke me…I was having this dream about a little girl." She moves her head and blinks up to look at me. I then tell her about my confusing dream. And that it somehow felt so real.

"That little girl was carrying a little white bunny in her hands…and I just have this feeling that I saw that bunny before…" I muse.

Ana gasps making me look at her.

"I have a white bunny…it is at Bainbridge Island in one of those boxes. Ray gave me that bunny when I was about four years old. I think my grandmother made that for me."

"Wow…" I whisper.

"Yeah but you know your mind sometimes does crazy things Christian. It mixes your dreams with pieces of reality…they are confusing as shit…"

"You are right…"

Ana shifts and moves to sit between my legs. My arms automatically wrap themselves around her tiny waist.

"I made an appointment with my OB/GYN for next week…"

"Why?"

"I don't know. I have read in several magazines and articles that the first period after a miscarriage is normally heavy and accompanied by severe cramping. I didn't have any of those symptoms and I think I'm a little worried…"

"Okay…I will go with you. Just tell me which day and I will tell Andrea to rearrange my schedule. Maybe we can plan something nice for that day…"

"Okay…that sounds really nice." Ana entwines her fingers with mine and leans back.

A few hours later I am still awake. I just can't seem to shake of that dream. Without waking Ana I get out of bed and make my way to my office. _Fuck. What a mess._

Carelessly I shove everything to one side and fire up my laptop. After a few minutes of searching through the internet that's when I find what I was looking for.

It seems that Sigmund Freud wrote extensively about dream theories and their interpretations.

He explained dreams as manifestations of our deepest desires and anxieties.

Leaning back in my chair I stare at the Seattle sky. Maybe that's what the dream was all about…my deepest desires.

 **Since I won't be posting during this month I want to wish you all amazing holidays.**

 **Christmas is about sharing and spending time with family and friends. It's about creating happy memories with those you love. Merry Christmas.**

 **Take care.**

 **Alner.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Happy New Year! I hope all your wishes come true!**

 **Chapter 26 -** **Reminiscing**

 **CPOV**

 _I_ _got a hangover, wo-oh!  
I've been drinking too much for sure  
I got a hangover, wo-oh!  
I got an empty cup, pour me some more  
_

I can't believe what I'm seeing. My beautiful and very drunk wife is happily dancing around in the kitchen with my equally drunk sister. Ana is wearing a pajama and Mia is in jeans and a t-shirt.

They are now trying to get on the barstool but failing miserably. It is accompanied with a lot of giggles and laughter until they finally give up.

"Sssst" Ana places her finger up to her lips urging her to be silent. "Christian has supersonic hearing…" She hiccups.

"We…we…still have five Copsmo…conmo…" Mia is trying really hard to say Cosmopolitan. She is looking from the cocktails on the bar to Ana until they fall in another fit of laughter.

"There are…six…six more Mia…" Ana claps her hands and takes an enormous sip of her cocktail grimacing when she swallows the liquor.

"Come on…let's dance sis…" Mia takes Ana by her hand and they both stumble to their feet and start jumping and dancing around.

 _so I can go until I blow up, eh  
and I can drink until I throw up, eh  
and I don't ever ever want to grow up, eh  
I want to keep it going, keep keep it going, going, going, going…_

Ana stops dancing and I see her eyes twinkling with mischief. "I have a great idea…"

Mia nods enthusiastically. _She is fond of ideas_. "Why don't we do some shots…" _Yeah why don't you?_

"Having fun ladies?" I am standing at the door with my arms crossed in front of my chest.

"Ugh Christian… please put some clothes on…" Mia says makes a gagging sound and looks as if she has swallowed something bitter.

"I am wearing boxer shorts Mia…and I am in my own home…" I say raising my eyebrow.

"He is such a party pooper…" Mia nudges Ana almost making her fall to the side.

"Party pooper…party pooper…" Ana repeats after Mia. "I like the word party pooper…" She giggles.

Her eyes focus on me as if she is realizing now that I am standing there. "Hi hubby…" She says happily. _Hubby? What the fuck?_

"Mia. I think you need to go to sleep…" She blinks a few times with those brown drowsy eyes and then watches the cocktails lined up at the counter.

"But I miss Ethan…" She pouts. "And the nurse was a total bitch…"

"You can visit Ethan in the morning and from what mom told me he is going to be released tomorrow…so I think it is best that you go to bed and sleep…it was a long day…"

"But I still haven't finished my drinks!" She blinks again a few times and looks at me as if I have grown three fucking heads.

"Now Mia!" I point with my finger up the stairs. Surprisingly she doesn't argue this time. She kisses Ana on her cheek and waves her goodbye.

Ana waves back giggling and with a sigh she turns around, slightly wobbling to face the Cosmo's.

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink Ana?" I start walking to the breakfast bar, where Ana is still standing with her back turned towards me.

"I only had…" She seems to think about it…her brow is furrowed. "I only had two glasses of wine with dinner…" She holds two fingers in the air right in front of my face.

"That's right. But if I remember correctly, and trust me I do…you didn't eat much during that dinner…" I chastise her.

"Yeah well…" She twirls a strand of her hair between her fingers and she reminds me of Melissa with her I- don't- care- attitude. "The pasta was slimy…" She scrunches her nose and then continues… "And the soup…" She shudders at the thought. Her hand moves to grab one of the Cosmo's but I'm faster. Taking her hand I tug at it and pull her towards me. "What were you doing up anyway?"

"I couldn't sleep…" She whisper yells. "And then I stepped out of bed really carefully…" She hiccups. "I remember you were snoring…" She nods her head emphasizing it.

"I don't snore…"

"Yes you do…like this…" Then she scrunches her nose again and starts making this horrible sound. _Impossible that I would make such a ridiculous sound._

"It's kind of cute you know..." _Fuck with the cute already._

"No, really you were really, really cute…" She giggles and continues her eyes looking droopy. "And you were drooling…" _Christ, she is wasted._

"Why couldn't you sleep?" I bury my head in her neck and kiss her. "Christian…you are tickling me…" She giggles.

"So?"

"So what?" She is trying to push me away but when she fails her hands sneaks up to my dick and she takes a firm hold of it. "Wow…wow…that's attached you know…"

"I know…" She snorts and leans her head against my chest her hand falls limb along her body. _Well damn._

"Ana. You haven't answered my question yet…"

"I don't remember your question…" She says sleepy.

"Do you want me to take you to bed?"

Ana just nods and lets me carry her to our bedroom. In just two minutes she is out like a light.

* * *

I have no idea how much time has passed when I wake up from a sound coming from the bathroom. Shit! Did Ana get sick? Jumping out of bed I make my way to the bathroom as soon as possible to find Ana lying in the cold tiles.

"Ana…what are you doing?" I say crouching next to her. "Come let me take you back to bed…"

"Go away…" She swats her hand against my knee and turns her head to look at the other side.

"Come on Ana…you are going to get sick…"

"I am never drinking again…ever…"

"Of course you're not…" I mutter. I then lift her up from the floor and carry her back to bed. And again it only takes her a few minutes before she is out like a light.

"Want to go somewhere nice today?" I smirk as I see Ana struggling to eat her yoghurt.

"Don't you have work to do?" She almost sounds hopeful.

"I do actually."

"I wanted to relax for a while, maybe read a little and I still have some e-mails I have to reply to…" She admits. "But if you want to do something…" She shrugs and takes a sip from her tea.

"I have never seen you drinking tea before…" I say pointing at the mug in her hands. She shrugs and brushes the hairs away from her face. "I think this is actually the first time that I didn't feel like drinking coffee…"

"How are you feeling?" After placing her tea back on the breakfast bar she slides her small hand across the counter and places her hand on mine.

"I'm fine. My mom called me this morning to check up on me. She is going to visit later with dad and Melissa to see with her own eyes if I'm not lying."

"You aren't lying are you Christian? Because you are still coughing."

"I am not lying promise. I feel really good…"

"I'm sorry that I got drunk yesterday…" Ana hops from her stool and stands in between my legs. "It's just that I couldn't sleep and I got up to get something to drink and that's where I found Mia in the kitchen. I offered her milk and she said she needed something stronger…I suppose I decided to join her…"

"Ethan called. They have released him this morning. He is now in his apartment, apparently his mother was freaking out. She wanted to check first if he had enough to eat at the apartment. Anyway, he is going to pick her up later this afternoon. He sounded nervous…" I gather Ana in my arms and walk with her to the great room where I sit on the couch with Ana in my lap.

"Do you happen to know why he sounded so nervous?"

"I think I do…" She lifts her head and kisses my cheek. "But that's not my story to tell Christian. Just try to keep an open mind okay?" _I don't like the sound of that._

"Did you talked to Mia?" Ana asks while we make our way to my study.

"It wasn't talking what we did. Mia isn't really a morning person either, so she grabbed coffee and a granola bar and took of the hospital to see Ethan…"

We spend the rest of the morning in my study where I make different phone calls while Ana lays on the couch reading. She looks incredibly relaxed while she is reading and so damn beautiful.

"Don't you need to work?" Ana says without looking away from her book.

"I rather look at you…"

Smiling Ana closes her book and places it on the floor next to her. "Come here…" She says patting the couch. "At what time were your parents coming again?" She asks when I am lying next to her.

"In a couple of hours…" I kiss her nose, her cheek and then her pouty lips. "How are you feeling?"

"Good…" She says huskily. Her fingers crawl under my t-shirt and she starts making little circles with her fingers on my chest.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure…now take off your clothes…" She is tugging at my shirt and then her hand slides down to my crotch were my dick is straining against the material of my sweat pants.

I smile at her and slowly stand from the couch and start undressing. Her eyes are focused on my dick when I drag my sweat pants and boxers down my legs and my cock springs free.

Bringing Ana to a sitting position I pull her shirt over her head. Her full breasts fall free, her nipples already hard. I then start pulling at the waist of her yoga pants, encouraging her to lift her ass. I draw them down her long legs taking her white lace panty with them.

"You are beautiful Anastasia…" I skim with my finger along her stomach down to her sex. "Are you wet Ana?" Biting her lip she nods her head.

 **APOV**

Watching Christian getting undressed is like unwrapping a Christmas present. The flexing of the muscles on his arms and chest have me almost drooling. My eyes are automatically drawn to his erection.

I want to touch him so bad. No, I need to touch him. However Christian isn't in any hurry right now. He takes his time undressing me too. He opens my legs with both hands and sits on his knees. His fingers skim from my stomach to my sex.

"Are you wet Ana?"

I just nod and close my eyes when he teasingly starts dragging his fingers along my sex.

"I am desperate to be inside you…" Christian's voice sounds hoarse. He leans down and crawls above me. My thighs are spread by his knee and he positions himself between them, his forearms resting on both sides of my head. When he looks down with those enthralling soft gray eyes I can almost cry.

"Don't run from me again after we fight baby…please…" He tells me softly yet with a firm edge to his voice.

I shake my head and reach with my arms to his shoulders.

"Answer me Anastasia…please answer me…" The tip of his erection is nudging at my entrance.

"I won't…I promise." I manage to speak. And I mean it.

He closes his eyes briefly and lets out a little sigh. When he reopens them again relief flickers through them. Slowly Christian draws back and then he drives forward, burying himself deeply into me. We both moan. The fullness is incredible and amazingly good. Adjusting my grip on his arms I shift under him. Christian blows out a long and controlled breath and that's when I see that his brow is shiny with sweat on his forehead.

"I missed you baby…" He closes his eyes and drops his fore head against mine. His breathing is erratic. After a few moments he lift his head back up and looks at me. I am so in love with him.

"You have no idea how worried I was…" Leaning on his arms, he pulls back and slowly buries himself in me again.

I moan and widen my legs to give him better access to get deeper. He keeps repeating his. He pulls back and drives forward. Slowly…measured…and controlled.

"And I will always protect you…I will always keep you safe…" He moans in my ear. Moving his head back up he brushes his lips against mine. He starts kissing me. His tongue matches the lazy movements of his hips.

I whimper against his skin and rock my hips to meet his thrusts. My nails are digging into his shoulders as I try to hold back my orgasm.

"Does this feel good Ana?"

"Very…" I moan.

"Are you ready" He asks against my lips.

This time I just nod and push my feet against his backside.

"Then let it go baby…"

My body shudders and shakes when I am hit with my release. Christian stills my moans by kissing me. He then thrusts deep for the last time and it is followed by a jerk of his body. With his eyes clenched shut he moans low and long.

"Fuck, I love you Ana…" He whispers and buries his face in the crook of my neck. With a last kiss he rolls back on his side. Immediately I move into his warm, firm chest and rest my cheek just above his heart.

"You are the best hangover cure ever…" I giggle against his chest. Moments later I hear Christian's laughter bubbling up from his chest to a full out laugh.

"I am glad I could be of assistance Mrs. Grey…" His eyes then turn this shade darker and quickly stands up from the couch.

"Since that worked so well for you…let's do round two…" Christian extends his hand and pulls me off the couch pulling me flush against his chest.

"Round two?" I glance down at his growing erection and then slowly back at him. He smirks and guides me gently towards his desk.

* * *

A few hours later our great room is filled with people. Grace, Carrick, Melissa, Ethan and Mia. I have never seen Grace looking so mad before. She is constantly giving Christian the evil eye as she sits across from us. It is even making me nervous.

"Christian darling, I want to listen to your lungs for a minute…" Grace says and stands up from the couch.

"Mom I am all right I promise." Christian tries to reassure her.

"I don't think I asked Christian…" Grace is standing with her bag in her hand waiting for Christian to stand up from the couch.

"Ana darling, would you like to accompany Christian…because he is going to need it." She murmurs the last sentence under her breath but it is clearly a small threat. Carrick snickers and Melissa grins. Yeah, I heard her correct.

"Sit" Grace orders the moment we enter our bedroom. Christian meekly follows Grace orders and sits on the edge of the bed. I see him swallowing and I have to suppress a grin when I sit on one of the chairs.

Christian's eyes are huge when he watches Grace opening her bag. I would be afraid too, that thing is black, intimidating and huge. And we all know what's in it. Scary doctor's things.

"Take off your shirt Christian, I would like to listen to your lungs…" Grace says matter of fact.

Grace takes a seat next to Christian on our bed and I see her eyes turning sad when Christian takes of his shirt and his scars get visible.

"How are you feeling Christian?" Her voice sounds a lot softer now and she places her hand on Christian's shoulder.

"I'm feeling good mom, I don't think…"

"I think we already have established that sometimes you don't think much. So I'll suggest that you let me do the thinking right now."

"Yes mother…" Christian sighs and quickly glances at me.

"Did you use the inhaler?"

"No, I didn't need it…"

"Are you experiencing any shortness of breath?"

"No…" Christian looks at me again and smirks. I know exactly that he is referring to our time in his study. I just look down at my hands and pray that the blush that is spreading across my face and neck will disappear before Grace notices.

"Are you ready Christian?" Grace asks and I see the uncertainty reflected in her eyes. She never touched his bare chest. This is probably going to be the first time.

She hesitates briefly and places the stethoscope on her son's chest. Both take a deep breath. Christian is staring at the distance while Grace listens intently. She moves the stethoscope several times and then I hear sniffling.

"Mom…mom what's wrong?" Christian is holding his mother by her upper arms and staring at her face. Grace doesn't respond. The sniffling is turning into full blown sobs.

"Mom…you are scaring me…" Christian whispers and pulls his mother against his chest.

Grace then starts whispering. She has her hands on Christian's shoulders her head resting on his collarbone. "Mom, it doesn't hurt anymore…its okay…"

Watching my husband consoling and comforting his mother is heartbreaking. He then takes her hand and places it against his chest. "See mom…it doesn't hurt…I'm sorry mom…please don't cry…"

This is such an intense moment for both of them that I decide to give them some privacy. While the tears starts falling from my eyes I quietly sneak out of the room.

 **CPOV**

My mother can't stop crying. She has her hand still placed on my chest. I don't know what to say or what to do. I just feel so terribly guilty that I never gave her the chance to touch me. I grab the handkerchief from my pocket and try to dab away her tears.

"You were such a brave little boy." Taking the handkerchief from my hands, she starts dabbing the tears from her face and gives me a watery smile.

I hate talking about that time, hell I even hate thinking about that time, but I guess she needs this. She needs to let this out. "You never cried…and you changed your bandages by yourself…I just guided you and you did exactly as I told you…" She pats my face lovingly and sighs.

"You didn't like the ointment…" She is right, I didn't. I never told her that but it just smelled wrong.

"I think you didn't like the smell, because you would always scrunch up your nose when I gave you the tube."

"You are right…I didn't like it. And it stung…"

"I know…" My mother admits sadly. "But it was necessary…you were so bruised and scared…"

"Mom, it was a long time ago…" _Please let it go._

"Your father tried to track him down you know…" She says ignoring me.

"Tried to track who down mom?"

"The man who did this to you Christian…" I am momentarily dumbstruck. I never knew that my dad tried to find this son of a bitch.

"Even though you never shared with us what happened, it was clear that you had been living a nightmare…when your father saw your bruises and scars…" My mother is staring into the distance tears brimming in her eyes. "Your dad when he first saw your wounds, he needed a moment…he couldn't handle it at first."

I don't know what to say. I never knew this. They never told me. So I just hold my mom tighter and kiss the top of her head. "I always felt safe with you…" I murmur against her head. "The first time you came to see me when I was in that hospital room I thought you were an angel…dressed in white and your smile was so genuine and sweet…"

"You never told me that…" She whispers and moves so that she can look at me. I shrug and brush my hands through my hair.

"I remember when you and dad brought me home and Elliot was waiting there with grandma and Grandpa Trevelyan…Elliot was running and talking really fast and loud." My mother laughs softly. "Yes, your brother was never really good at using his inside voice…"

"He is a good brother though…" I admit. "Never tell him that mom!" I add joking.

"He knows…"

I don't know how long we sit there reminiscing. But I liked it that is until my mother's face turns serious again. With a kiss on my fore head she stands from the bed and straightens her sweater.

"I need you to promise me something Christian…"

"I think that Ethan came here today with a reason and all I want to ask from you is to keep an open mind…he is a lovely young man…"

 _What the hell is she talking about?_ "Is there something I should know mother?"

"It's just a feeling I have…but keep an open mind…"

* * *

Once again I find myself sitting in my study. This time without Ana, but with my parents, Elliot and Ethan.

Ethan has been acting strange this entire afternoon, but I blame the medication he is on. There is a sheen of sweat covering his face and it seems that he can't stop moving his right leg up and down.

Elliot and Megan just arrived fifteen minutes ago. So the girls are now in the great room why we are watching Ethan sweating bullets.

"Ethan darling are you feeling all right?" My mom asks. She doesn't look or sound very concerned though. I believe there is a lightness in her undertone.

"Yes, yes I'm fine…" Ethan lifts his face and stares at the four of us. He clears his throat and wipes his hands on his jeans.

"I would like to marry your daughter Grace, Carrick…" Ethan blurts out. I quickly look at my mom and dad and I can't fucking believe that they are acting this cool and relaxed. My mother has a small smile playing on her mouth and my dad…well he doesn't look mad…he looks pensive. _He should be mad!_

My dad nods his head once and stares at Ethan. He is not going to make this easy for him. Let's enjoy this.

I don't know if my dad finally feels sorry for Ethan after five excruciatingly long minutes of silence but then finally he clears his throat. Elliot grins at me and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Ethan, I could give you the whole what are your intentions toward my daughter speech."

"You're not?" Elliot whines. With one glance of my mother we both lean back against the couch. _Well shit._

"I heard it from Grace's father and I remember every word of it. But Mia is a grown woman. You seem to really love her, and she is crazy about you. So I think you two will be fine." My dead shifts on the sofa and leans with his elbows on his knees. His penetrating blue eyes never leaving Ethan's nervous ones. "But I will tell you this, if you ever hurt my daughter…her crazy ass brothers will be the least of your worries. So you take care of her and make her happy and you and I will have no problems what so ever."

"Yes, Carrick…" Ethan wants to smile, but I think that he is too afraid. Instead some weird shaky smile stretches across his face.

"When are you going to ask her?" My mother asks sniffing. I roll my eyes. _Jesus Christ._ "Mom, shouldn't cry…she should be fucking celebrating…" Elliot whispers in my ear.

"Mia still needs to get back to Paris to get some personal stuff she still has there. I am going to join her and plan in asking her then…"

"Oh that is so romantic…" My mom gushes. My dad grunts something unintelligible and gets to his feet. "Come on Gracie, Mel needs to go to school tomorrow…"

"Yeah, I should be heading home too…" Ethan says standing quickly from his seat.

"Sit!" Elliot and I both say simultaneously. Slowly Ethan sits back down confusion marrying his face.

 _Did he really think this was going to be this easy?_

"Good luck son and welcome to the family…" My dad grins at him and claps his shoulder. Before leaving my study he winks at us.

Filling us all a glass of scotch I hand one to Ethan and Elliot. I watch Ethan while I take a sip.

"So, you are really serious about marrying our sister?" I start.

"Yeah, man. I told you I love her…Mia is…"

"A pain in the ass…" Elliot says.

"Mia is loyal, sweet, bubbly, incredibly beautiful…" Ethan says cutting him off.

"And a pain in the ass…" Elliot says again.

"Sometimes… yeah. But that makes her Mia I guess…it is the whole package I fell in love with." Ethan shrugs.

"You know…if I ever find out that you hurt her. I will kill you…" I say looking at him.

"My shithead brother over here has people who do those things for him…" Elliot points with his thumb in my direction and shrugs. "And I happen to own a construction company…you have no idea how creative I can be with concrete."

Ethan is looking extremely uncomfortable and is watching us both closely. "So, a little resume: You hurt Mia, I kill you and Elliot gets rid of your body…"

"I won't hurt her man…I love your sister…"

"Good, then welcome to the family…" _I guess mom has another wedding to plan._

Half an hour later we decide to sit with the girls. Entering the great room they all fall silent. Ana however has her hand in front of her mouth and her shoulders are moving up and down. _Is she crying?"_

But then I look at Mia and see her hunched over clutching her stomach. When she sits back up I see that she is laughing uncontrollably. Megan is grinning and blushing like crazy.

"Something funny ladies?" Elliot asks and slumps down next to his wife.

"Actually…" Mia starts laughing again. Eventually she calms down but when she looks at Elliot she starts laughing again.

"Oh fuck you told them what happened at the doctor's office?" Elliot says looking at Megan his eyes almost bulging from his face.

"I'm sorry…" Megan laughs. "But it was just too funny…"

"Oh my gosh you have to tell the guys…" Mia says falling into another fit of laughter. Ana is also wiping the tears from her face.

"Oh god yes please you have to tell this…" Ana adds giggling.

The girls are laughing and wiping the tears from their faces when my brother starts talking.

"First you have to know that I went there with the idea that the OB/GYN would be a woman…but to my fucking surprise it turns out to be a guy…a young guy…" Elliot is waving his hands in the air like a crazy person. I lean back and drape my arm around Ana's shoulders. _I think I am going to enjoy this._

"Elliot, Dr. Torrey is returning this Monday from her holiday…" Megan says patting his thigh.

"Whatever baby…" Elliot is pissed off. "Anyway…" Elliot brushes his hands through his hair and shakes his head. "Do you have any idea what an OB/GYN does?" He looks at Ethan and then back at me. We both shake our heads. _It can't be that bad now can it?_

"First the smug motherfucker tells my wife to undress from the waist down…and here I was thinking that we were going to get an ultrasound and watch our little muffin…but no of course not…and my wife over here starts undressing like it is the most normal thing in the world…" He huffs annoyed and squints his eyes at Ethan who is grinning.

"I guess I got a little nervous so I started playing with a plastic vagina thingy the guy had on his desk…and I don't know how it happened but my fingers got stuck…" Elliot shrugs lamely and sighs. "But they were like really stuck you know…it was like I was having a jolly good time with that vagina thingy, but hell I think this was the first time I was mortified in having my fingers stuck in a pussy... Megan was looking at me as if I had lost my fucking mind and the good doctor was shaking his head…and I was still stuck!"

"When Elliot finally managed to pull his fingers out he sat down next to me and he was completely silent…"

"Wow…" I say.

"Yeah…I know…" Megan says smiling.

"Part of the exam is a breast check…" My eyes grow wide as I listen horrified to Megan's story. Holy mother of shit I don't know if I would have let a male doctor touch my wife's tits. Nah, scratch that I wouldn't have let him. Those are my tits…not his.

"Can you fucking believe that the guy touched my wife's tits!" Elliot yells. "And don't you fucking laugh Christian, because it wasn't a little touch…fuck no, he was like touching and touching and I swear to god I was ready to rip his head off…"

"Elliot then told him in a not so very nice way, that enough was enough with the boob touching…" Megan says. Megan has her face covered with her hands. Probably mortified at the memory of Elliot's little outburst.

We are all cracking up when Elliot continues. "Fuck it was hell in there. Finally they guy stops touching Megan's boobs and he produces a wand out of nowhere…I mean that thing was huge…It looked like a horse dick man…" Even though I am laughing my ass off I can imagine how he must have felt. Another man touching your woman I not something I would appreciate or tolerate for that matter.

"What did he do with the wand?" Elliot says dumbly. The girls roll their eyes at his remark. I am actually glad he was the one to ask this because I don't know either.

* * *

"Ana, I didn't like Elliot's story…" I say pouting.

"What do you mean? You couldn't stop laughing Christian!"

"Let us set a few rules here. One, no man is touching your boobs. I am the only one who is entitled in touching them." Ana looks at me through the mirror while she is brushing her teeth. _I bet she wants to roll her eyes._ "Two, no man is going to put a horrible medieval wand into your pussy…"

 _Yup, cue the eye rolling. The fucking eye rolling._

"And three?" Ana is looking at me with her hands on her hips and one of her eyebrows raised. _Fuck, I don't like it when she challenges me like this, because she always wins._

"There is no three…" I mutter. Actually there is a three and that is that I am entitled in kicking his ass if her OB/GYN turns out to be a guy.

Lying in bed with my wife while holding her in my arms is probably one of my favorite moments of the day.

"I talked to your parents today for a little while…" Ana is drawing little circles with her finger on my chest.

"What about?"

"About…Ella…" When I don't reply Ana moves and looks up at me. "I thought we discussed this Christian?"

"We did Ana…it's just that I…I mean I have never been back to Detroit. I loathe that place it is filled with so many horrible memories."

"I will go with you, I won't leave you alone. We will do it together." Ana is right. I can do this with her. We can fly over there visit her grave and then fly back to Seattle the same day.

"Your dad told me that he has all the information you need in a file…" She pauses briefly and takes a breath. "Your mother also mentioned that there is still a box with Ella's personal belongings…the few ones she owned that is…"

"I don't want it…"

"Why not Christian? You told me that there was a diary, maybe she mentions in that diary how she ended up in Detroit or in that position. Maybe there is mentioning about your birth father…" The longer Ana talks the faster my heart beats. Doesn't she understand that I don't want anything to do with my past? Doesn't she know that I don't even know how to deal with it?

"My birthfather was just the sperm donor Ana…" I say a little terser than I mean.

"I know how you feel about him…"

"Then why do you keep rehashing this?" I snap.

"Because it can give you closure Christian. You have this idea that you were unwanted and unloved…but I somehow have the idea that it isn't the case at all."

"And what if you are wrong and I am right?" I reply stubbornly.

"What do you have to lose? And it's not to replace Carrick or Grace, because they can't be replaced. They took you in, adopted you and loved you unconditionally. It is like with my dad's. Neither of them can't be replaced, but you have no idea how much it means to me that Frank really loved me and wanted me. I understand you better than you think Christian…" She says and she sounds tired and defeated.

"Will you arrange with Andrea to clear my schedule to visit Detroit?" I ask her and pull her closer to me. Ana nods and wraps her arm around my waist.

"I don't want to know the details."

"When do you want to go?" She says silently.

"I don't care. Just arrange it I will be there…"

Ana tenses in my arms but I decide to ignore it. I can't deal with that right now. The idea of going to Detroit makes me anxious as hell.

"You don't need to do it for me Christian…" Ana says irritated. "Look just forget it. If you want I will arrange everything for you, but not unless you really want it."

Untangling herself from me Ana turns around and switches off the light. _Great. Now I pissed her off again._

"I'm sorry Ana…it is just too much. Let me think about it okay?" I whisper into the dark.

"It's okay Christian…sleep. It will be okay I promise." Ana places the sweetest kiss on my chest and snuggles closer. _It will be okay. It has to be okay._

* * *

 **A/N.: I want to thank you all for the amazing support I received with the last chapter. You have no idea what that means to me. So thank you all for all the amazing, sweet and thoughtful reviews and PM's. You guys are truly amazing!**

 **Sending you all a big hug!**


	27. Chapter 27 - Little miracles

**Chapter 27 – Little miracles**

 **CPOV**

Scary, daunting and unnerving. Those are just a few words to describe the OB/GYN's waiting area.

Not only is the place packed with huge pregnant woman and some terrified looking fathers…nope some of these pregnant woman decided to bring along their spawn. Very annoying spawn I must add. A box with toys is now spread along the floor which is packed with germs…a lot of germs. These kids are crawling on that germy floor, putting those germy toys into their mouths. _Fucking disgusting._

Ana is watching two little babies sitting on the floor with a smile on her face. The magazine she was just reading completely forgotten.

"They are so cute…" She whispers. And suddenly I feel this urge to get closer to her. So like the big sap I am I scoot my chair closer to hers, drape my arm around her shoulder and carefully let her soft hair glide in between my fingers.

"Hmm hmm." I hum. Because frankly I don't see the cuteness, but maybe that's just me. Those two kids are seated on the floor facing each other and giggling. They are also drooling and one of them is dangerously waving a teddy bear in the other ones face. I think they are a boy and a girl, however I can't be sure.

"I think they are twins…" Ana whispers.

"I think they are little Neanderthals…" I whisper back. My wife's head turns so freaking fast that she would make that scary girl from the Exorcist jealous. _Wrong comment obviously._

"Why would you say that?" _Really?_

"I don't know…that chubby kid hasn't stopped hitting the other chubby kid with that disgustingly filthy teddy bear…"

Ana sighs. "The teddy bear is not disgusting…and he isn't hitting her they are playing…" _Playing my ass._

"How do you know what is a he and what is a she…?"

Rolling her beautiful eyes she turns towards me and places her hand on my thigh. "That one over there…" She says pointing to the chubby kid being hit. "Is definitely a girl…"

"She is?" _Well I be damned._

"How do you know?"

"Look at her eyes and her eyelashes…she has beautiful long eyelashes…"

"I guess…"

"Although you have very beautiful eyelashes too…" Ana smiles and bites her lip. _What the ever living fuck._

"Are you telling me that I have girly eyelashes?" But my wife isn't listening to me. Her attention is completely absorbed by the two little barbarian. Because they are barbarian. _Holy fuck._

"He is hitting her awfully hard now…" I say and look towards the mother who is completely engrossed in some magazine.

"Oh poor little girl…she is pouting…"

"Maybe I should give her that truck over there so she can hit him square in the face?" I should do that but I should show her how it's properly done. I bet he will never ever hit her again.

"Christian!" Ana admonishes. "They are playing…"

"Baby that isn't playing…that little boy is marking his territory…"

The woman who I think is the mother of these two little brats' stands up and walks towards us. _And where the fuck did she buy those yoga pants. Christ!_ Hesitantly she smiles at me and blushes slightly. I don't smile back. I don't like her. My wife of course smiles back. _Of fucking course…_

"I think I am going to be called in within the next few minutes…" She starts hesitantly. _What the fuck do I care?_

"And I was thinking if you could keep an eye on them." She looks back at the chubby kids and continues quickly. "I won't be long. Ten minutes tops. I just couldn't get a babysitter and my husband is at work." She rambles. _Absolutely out of the fucking question._

"Of course we don't mind…right Christian?" Ana squeezes my thigh forcing me to answer.

"Right…no problem." I murmur. _What choice do I have anyway?_

"Thank you I appreciate it…" She smiles again…and again I don't smile back. _I still don't like her._

The woman, who is obviously pregnant again, that or something went completely wrong, waddles back to her seat.

"Why did you have to say it was okay?" I whisper yell in Ana's ear.

"Because it would be a nightmare Christian for her to go inside with two babies while she is having an examination…" Ana says sighing.

"She should have thought about the fucking consequences when she got pregnant again."

"Don't be such a grump… besides they can't move so what can go wrong?" She smiles at me and the smile on her face makes me believe that nothing could go wrong…I mean they are babies and I am a grown man…right? _Wrong!_ _So very, very wrong._

"Ana…they are crawling…" I move back in my chair but I have no place to go. I'm stuck against the wall and the babies are crawling towards us. _Go away. Go away._ I chant in my head.

Taylor and Sawyer who are both standing at the door duck their heads. _They are fucking laughing._

"Yeah…" Ana says completely enamored. "Aren't they sweet? Look at their little asses…"

"I am looking at their drool Ana…and that little terrorist is heading my way…"

"Hi…" Ana says in a high-pitched voice when the chubby little girl sits in front of her. I have to admit that the little girl is adorable. She has indeed the most beautiful eyes and extremely long eyelashes. She gives Ana a toothless grin and starts bumping up on down on her little ass. _Guess she is happy._

Her little brother however is not so cute. He has a huge frown on his fore head and he is staring at me. He doesn't show emotions…just staring. _Well join the fucking club kiddo, because I invented staring._

"Look at him…" I whisper in Ana's ear again but I keep eye contact with the little guy. "He looks just like Chucky…"

"Christian!"

"Ana, look at that scowl on his face. That isn't healthy for a baby…"

"Stop it!"

"Ana, what is he doing?" I watch horrified as his chubby, wet fingers that he just pulled out of his mouth, pull at my jeans for support and he hoists himself up. A terrifying grin appears on his face as he watches me. _Ah so he can smile._

"Oh he can stand…" Ana says ecstatic. I wiggle my leg to make him loose his balance but he is holding on so tight that it is almost impossible without hurting him. Then as that isn't enough I see him slowly bringing his open, drooling mouth to my knee. _Oh fuck!_

Ana giggles. "Look he is giving you little kisses…" _I don't want his little kisses._ I try everything. Wiggling my knee. Staring at him angry. That look always works with my employees, but this little guy really can't be bothered. He is humming and at the same time sucking at the fabric of my jeans.

"Baby, if this is supposed to be a kiss I hope that in-between now and ten to fifteen years he will improve his kissing skills, because no way in hell he is going to impress the girls this way! He needs some serious training!" I bet he is a little vampire because I can feel his tooth digging into my knee.

"Christian can you please give me your handkerchief…" Ana's hand is already outstretched and she is wiggling her fingers. Meaning. _Hurry the fuck up._

"What do you want with my handkerchief ba…" But I don't even have to finish my sentence when I see my embroidered handkerchief being used for wiping the drool of the little girl's chin. "There you go…" Ana says happily.

"Ana, why did you use my handkerchief…" But once again Ana isn't listening. She is looking at something on my left side. I slowly turn my head and there is a little blond girl staring at me. _We are surrounded._

"Hi…" I say.

"Hewwo sir…" She lisps.

"Wow…" I whisper looking at Ana. "She needs speech therapy…"

"What's your name…" Ana asks.

"Shanisha…" _Holy mother of fuck. I just got showered._

"Will you please stop asking her questions Ana? Because with that little guy here stuck at my knee and little Ms. Lisp over here I don't think I need a shower today…"

"Shanisha is a beautiful name…" Ana says. _Liar. Big fat liar._ I look at my wife astonished. "Please tell me that you don't like that name." Ana just shrugs.

"Hello Shanisha, my name is Anastasia…" _Now that is a beautiful name. Shanisha is not!_

"Just wike the pwrincess…" The little girl squeals.

"Yes…just like the princess." Ana repeats. "Do you know that story?"

"Yesss, my daddy loves to tell storwies…" _Christ. That is a lot of saliva coming out of her mouth._

Somehow I need to arrange that these appointments take place at our home.

Twenty long minutes later we are sitting in Dr. Torreys office. Dr. Torrey is probably about my mother's age with a pleasant face. She is friendly and makes Ana feel comfortable the moment we step into her office.

"Now Mrs. Grey, you called my office because you were worried about some blood loss?"

"Please call me Ana, Dr. Torrey." Ana starts fidgeting with her hands and finally looks up. "As you probably know we suffered from a miscarriage a few months ago…"

Dr. Torrey nods empathetically and waits for Ana to continue. Ana proceeds in telling her about the miscarriage and the reason why we are here today.

"Have you spoken or seen Dr. Green after the miscarriage?"

"Just one time, but …"

"There is a reason why my wife wanted another OB/GYN, Dr. Torrey. And the reason is that Dr. Greene handled the miscarriage completely unprofessional…"

Dr. Torrey furrows her brow in confusion. "Let me ask you some questions first before we proceed with the exam…"

Ana nods her head and looks at me. "It is going to be all right baby…" I kiss her temple and hope indeed that everything will be all right.

Then Dr. Torrey starts asking Ana all different kinds of questions; whether her menstrual cycles were regular, and how long they last. Then she starts asking her questions about her medical history, habits that could affect a possible pregnancy and so on.

A soft knock on the door pulls me from the conversation. Worry fills my body when I see Taylor entering the office. "I'm sorry for the interruption, but I received a phone call from the principal at Melissa's school. It seems that they can't reach your parents and you are second on the list. She needs to speak with you immediately Sir."

"What is wrong with Melissa?" Ana stands from the chair ready to bolt the room.

"Melissa isn't harmed. I don't know exactly what happened. From the little Ms. Wood told me, Melissa got into a fight…"

"My twelve year old sister got into a fight?" I whisper. _What the fuck?_

I'm torn. I am actually torn. Here we are sitting with Dr. Torrey who was finally going to examine Ana and I am called away because my twelve year old sister was in a fucking fight?

"We need to go and see what is wrong with Melissa…" Ana says looking from me to Taylor.

"Let's go Taylor…"

"I'll go with you…" Ana says.

"Baby you stay here. I will ask Reynolds to bring another car so that he and Sawyer can take you home. I promise to call you as soon as I am ready…"

"But Christian…" Tears are brimming in her eyes. I gently cup her face and stare into her beautiful eyes. "Ana you have been worried for a while now, please stay here and I will be back as soon as possible."

* * *

"What in the ever living fuck where you thinking Melissa?" I bellow at my little sister who doesn't seem affected at all. Well I was affected by Ms. Wood and I definitely don't mean that in a very positive way. Fuck that woman was terrifying.

She shrugs it off and continues to stare out of the window. "Let me take a look at your hands…" Without waiting for her permission I grab her small hands and examine them. "They are bruised…"

Again she shrugs _. Enough already with the fucking shrugs!_

"You will have to let mom look at them…"

"It's okay, they don't hurt that bad." She replies.

"What happened at school today Melissa?"

"Nothing…" She says quietly.

"I don't really buy that sis. Something obviously happened, because that girl you fought with has a broken tooth and you kicked her a black eye…"

"She had it coming to her…" Is her arrogant response. I count to ten in my head and then back again. _Not fucking enough._ Is this how my parents felt like? Desperate? Worried? Out of their fucking wits?

"Are you aware of the consequences?"

"I was there remember…" She says still not looking at me. "I heard Ms. Woods loud and clear Christian…"

"Will you drop this fucking nonchalant attitude! And just look at me when I am talking to you…"

"You are not my father Christian…" With her head still turned towards the window she pulls her phone out of her jacket. _Jesus Christ._

"No phone for you young lady!" I hiss and grab the device from her hand and stuff it in my pocket. I wince as I hear the words coming out of my mouth. _Fucking great, now I sound just like my mother!_

"Give me my phone back Christian!" She yells. She is now looking at me and her eyes are shooting daggers. Her cheeks are flushed and I see tears brimming in her eyes. Is this how parenthood is? Is this what lies in the future? _Holy shit._

"No! I will give you your phone back once you tell me what happened at school!"

"No…" She whispers now after taking a huge breath of air.

"You know that your phone will be the least of your worries once mom and dad find out that you have been suspended for one week…"

"At least if won't have to go back to that stupid school…" Melissa says through gritted teeth.

"Just tell me what happened Melissa…" I say this time and I almost pat myself at the back. I sound really relaxed. I don't feel that way though.

"Will you just fucking drop it!"

"Will you just mind your fu…freaking mouth!" I yell back.

"Whatever…" What the fuck? What's with the attitude? I don't remember Mia behaving like such a brat. But then again…I was at Harvard, so maybe I just missed out on all these temper tantrums. _Well thank fuck for that then!_

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Melissa obviously doesn't want to talk about what happened at school. I think back at all those times that I was suspended and that I was sitting with my mother or if I was in real bad luck with both of my parents in the car and they were just asking about what happened, not wanting to let the fucking issue go. I didn't want to talk about it, because I was ashamed. I didn't want to tell my parents about what the kids yelled at me every day. At the time I really thought that they wouldn't understand. So I never told them what the cause of the fights was. Fuck, my twelve year old sister just kicked the shit out of another girl. Inwardly I chuckle and I have to suppress a snort. She kicked her ass. I am actually proud of her, but as soon as that thought enters my mind, I want to kick myself. I can't be proud of her! She was just suspended! _Fuck this is confusing as shit!_

"Who taught you how to fight?"

She giggles for the first time. "Ana…"

"Come again?"

"I said Ana…"

"Ana, as in my wife taught you how to fight?" I ask incredulously.

"Yeah…and Elliot…"

"Elliot too?"

"Yup, Elliot taught me how to kick…Ana taught me how to hit someone without causing a lot of damage…" She shrugs. "I think I need a bit more practice seeing the black eye…" She is barely able to suppress a smile.

"When did Ana taught you that?"

"I used to spend a lot of time with Ana…we read a lot, but there were moment when I was feeling really good and it was on those moment that Ana taught me some self-defense…" _Jesus Christ._

"Where are you taking me?" She says when she starts looking at her surroundings.

"I am taking you home. I just talked to mom and dad when you were using the bathroom in school…they just got home…"

"Why didn't they come to talk to Ms. Wood?"

"Dad was sleeping and he didn't hear the phone. Mom was at work."

She nods and starts fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. "Do you think they are going to be mad at me?"

"What do you think Melissa?" I snap and immediately regret it. _They are going to be livid!_

She doesn't reply instead she turns her head and I see the tears. "Hey, don't cry Mel…"

She covers her face with her hands and her cries turn into full blown sobs.

"Come on Mel…please don't cry…" _Oh man, I hate it when they cry._

"Taylor, can you please stop the car and give me and my sister a little privacy?"

A few minutes later Melissa is still crying wiping her tears with her sleeve. Why the fuck did Ana have to use my handkerchief on that drooling kid?

Unbuckling the seatbelt I move closer to my little sister and drape my arm around her small shoulders. She immediately buries her face against my shoulder and cries. I don't know what to do. I have no fucking clue. How do I handle a teenage girl?

"Where is Ana?" She hiccups.

"Ana is at the hospital…" I close my eyes and pray that everything is all right with my wife. I hope that the doctor gave her good news. I know that she is at home and that she looked fine when Sawyer and Reynold drove her home. From what Sawyer told Taylor she hadn't been crying. She just looked normal…so I guess that's good. But then again, Sawyer is a guy and Ana is extremely well in hiding her feelings, especially to outsiders. She hasn't texted me or called me, so that must be a good sign right? Something in the gut of my stomach tells me that I need to get home. But maybe that's because we were supposed to spend the day together.

"Is she sick?" Her head snaps up and her brown eyes are filled with worry.

"No, she isn't sick…just girl stuff you know…" I reply sheepishly.

"Oh okay…never mind…" She mumbles.

"Would you like to talk to Ana?"

She shrugs and starts crying again.

"Mom and dad are waiting for you Melissa. They are really worried…"

"I know…do you think that Ana would like to come over later this evening?" Her eyes are pleading and it breaks my heart seeing her looking like this. Something is obviously wrong and she only wants to talk to Ana about it.

"I don't think so…I know so…"

Her bottom lip start trembling again. "Do…do you think that mom and dad are going to send me away now?"

"No…no…Melissa…mom and dad love you so very much…they would never ever send you away…"

She stares at me but doesn't seem convinced to be honest.

"I promise Melissa…" I stop briefly and consider in telling her about my fights and insecurities while growing up. I should tell her. I really should. She needs to know that our parents will love her unconditionally no matter what. However, I don't think she wants to hear that from me at this point. She clearly pointed out that she needs Ana.

"Are you ready to go home…"

"Yeah, let's go home…" She says bravely.

* * *

"Christian!" My mother is standing at the front door wringing her hands. "Where is your sister?"

I look behind me where Melissa is standing at the car looking at her feet. Again my heart breaks seeing her standing like that. She looks so tiny and vulnerable.

"Don't push her mom…I asked her what happened but she didn't want to talk about it…she only wants to talk to Ana…"

Hurt passes my mother's face briefly. "I just talked to Ms. Wood…I know about the suspension…I need to discuss this with your father, but there will be consequences…" She says sternly.

"I know, just don't be too hard on her…"

My mother nods her head again and looks passed me at Melissa. "Why don't you come over for dinner?"

"We would love to mom…" I take her in a hug and kiss her cheek. "Thank you for being there for her Christian."

"She is my sister…" And she just kicked another girl's ass. I desperately want to add, but I don't. _Dangerous territory._ I give her another kiss and turn around.

"Ana and I will be coming over later to have dinner with you…" I say looking at my little sister.

She nods her head. "I'm sorry that you had to talk to Ms. Wood. I know how scary she is…"

"It's okay…just don't get in any more fights okay…you have brothers to do that for you."

I ruffle her hair and kiss her fore head. I step into the car the moment she falls into Grace's embrace.

"Where to Sir?" Taylor looks into the rearview mirror and awaits my reply.

"Home…" _I want to go home._

The apartment is silent when I enter. The lights in the kitchen are dimmed…there's almost a serene atmosphere. Gail who I expected to find in the kitchen isn't their either. Weird. Walking further into the great room I find Ana sitting by the windows watching the Seattle view.

"Ana…"

"Hi…there you are…" The smile on her face is radiant and makes her even more beautiful than she already is.

"Ana have you been crying?"

"Just a little…but they are good tears…really good tears…" She says silently. "How is Melissa…and what happened? Is she hurt? It is so unlike Melissa to get into a fight." She takes my hands in hers and squeezes gently.

"We are having dinner with my parents later this evening…" I furrow my brow. "I will tell you later about Melissa, I want to know what Doctor Torrey said."

Turning to her right she takes a little square package from the floor that I haven't even noticed.

"This is for you." She says as she hands me the little package with trembling hands.

"Ana…I don't want a present. What did the doctor say?"

She shakes her head and smiles. But I really don't understand…she is smiling while the tears are falling down her cheeks.

"You are worrying me Ana…" I choke.

"There is absolutely nothing to worry about Christian…" She whispers. "Please open the present...please…"

Impatiently I tear the paper from the package and stare confused at the little picture in my hands. I do not understand. Elliot gave her a picture of their ultrasound. I am going to kill him…then I am…

Ana's hand on mine pulls me from my thoughts. "What is it Christian…"

"Ana…did Elliot gave you this?"

Now she is probably confused, because that V appears between her eyebrows and her nose crinkles.

"Elliot? What….no…no Christian…" She giggles and shakes her head. "Sometimes you are a bit…slow…"

She pries my hands from the picture and takes a little card from the back. "Here read this…"

It says. _Hi daddy, I can't wait to meet you._

"Daddy?" I croak, my eyes darting from the card in my hand, to my wife's blue teary eyes.

Ana nods.

"Like I am the daddy?" I ask to be completely sure.

"Yes, Christian…you are going to be a daddy…"

"But how…I mean…how…Ana…I don't understand…I mean I know how…obviously." Ana smiles and pulls something from her back pocket. _A pregnancy test._

"This…" Ana says holding the white/pink test in her hand. "…is proof that we are having a baby…it is real Christian…I saw our little blip…I saw our little baby on the ultrasound I…I heard his little heart beating…"

We are having a baby? I am going to be a dad? Happiness, joy, nervousness, disbelief all these emotions are flowing through my body. The biggest emotion being euphoria. _I am going to be a daddy._

"Christian, why are you crying?" Ana's hands cup my face and she wipes the wetness from my face with her thumbs.

"Aren't you happy? I thought you would be happy. I thought that this is what we wanted." She rambles as her eyes search my face.

"Ana. I am more than happy. I am ecstatic. Come here." I pull her from the floor and swirl her around while I pepper her face with little kisses. _Fuck I am happy_! Our laughter mixed together is something extraordinary. The sense of euphoria is something I haven't experienced before. It is inexplicable. This feeling of extreme joy and happiness surpasses everything.

"Tell me everything, I want to hear every little detail…" We are now both laying on the floor in the great room. I am still holding the framed ultrasound tightly in my hands. _I am never going to let it go again._

"Well after you left, Doctor Torrey preformed some tests, including a urine test. My HGC levels were high and then she made me take a pregnancy test…it was positive…"

Carefully I place the framed ultrasound in between us. I can't seem to wipe the ridiculous smile from my face. We are going to become parents. A little human being is now growing in Ana's belly. I feel excitement, anticipation but also nervousness.

"I couldn't believe it when she told me that the test was positive, so she did an internal ultrasound…"

"What's that…"

"Well that's the wand looking thingy. The one Elliot told you about." Ana smiles and continues. "She covered it with a condom and lubricating gel and then she inserted the wand …you know…"

I can't help but grin. But then something pops up in my head. "Did it hurt?"

"No. it didn't. It was just a little bit uncomfortable."

"Why internal?" I turn so that we are facing each other and brush my fingers along my wife's face.

"Doctor Torrey told me that it was to look at the cervix for abnormalities that could lead to complications…"

I swallow and entwine our hands. "Everything was fine right…I mean is there a chance for a miscarriage?"

"I guess there is always a chance Christian, but she told me that everything looked fine, and that we needed to stay positive."

"I'm happy…and frightened at the same time…does that make sense?"

"No, because I am feeling the same way…it's surreal actually. I couldn't believe that I was looking at our baby."

"I wish I could have been there with you…I'm sorry…"

"You can come next week. Doctor Torrey wanted to see me again next week…" Ana says slightly nervous.

"Why?"

"For another scan…since I didn't menstruate Dr. Torrey used the first day of bleeding as the first day of my menstrual period. But to be sure she wants to do another sonogram…"

"But what about the bleeding you had?"

"According to Doctor Torrey, spotting and light bleeding in early pregnancy is often harmless. It usually happens at about the same time that the period would have been due, and lasts, just like in my case a day or two. It may also be due to the fertilized egg embedding into the uterus lining that causes the bleeding."

I am still working things out in my head when Ana squeezes my hand. "I checked it on the internet myself…" She admits. "And if we use the first day of bleeding my due date would be June 18th."

"But that's my birthday…"

My hand automatically goes to Ana's belly and I push her shirt up. Amazing how a little baby is growing inside her now. A baby that we created. This baby will be a mix from both of us.

"Do you feel all right? I mean have you been nauseous or have you experienced the usual symptoms?"

"I haven't…" Ana's hand covers mine. "According to Dr. Torrey that is not something we should worry about. Not every pregnant woman suffers from morning sickness…"

"Good…" I position myself in between Ana's legs and bring my mouth to her belly.

"Hi there little baby…I am your daddy and I can't even tell you how happy I am right now. You need to promise me that you will grow and eat a lot. Oh, and don't make your mommy sick okay?" I kiss Ana's belly repeatedly. "Don't wake her up too early in the morning because mommy has a serious case of morning grumpiness…" Ana giggles and softly pats my head. "You are giving our baby the wrong idea here…" She says playfully.

"Little baby…" I continue with my lips tightly pressed against my wife's bare belly. "You are going to have the most amazing mother ever. I know that she will take care of you like a real mommy should. You will never be hungry or cold and I promise you that we will love you unconditionally. I want to apologize in advance for any mistakes I make. But just keep in mind that I will always have your best interest at heart…"

 **APOV**

The peace lasted about ten minutes. Because suddenly there was like something snapped in Christian. He jumped up from the ground and began pacing around the room. Brushing his hands through his hair. Before I knew it his tie was on the floor, this was soon followed by his jacket. Occasionally he stops his pacing and he looks at me, just to continue the pacing again after a few seconds. He is starting to panic. He is having a little melt-down.

Amused, I relax and watch his pacing. Every now and then I hear him muttering in himself.  
"It is fucking hot in here…" He pulls his shirt out of his pants and pulls it over his head and carelessly throws it on the floor. He is now pacing the great room in just his pants and socks.

Christian stops his pacing again and stares at me. His eyes growing wider with the second. "Stand up from the floor please Ana and sit over here…" Before I have the time to react he is already pulling me from the floor and guiding me towards the couch.

"Are you comfortable?" He asks cupping my cheeks. I just nod because I don't think this is just a little melt-down this is a huge, epic melt-down.

"Are you hungry Ana? Do I need to fix you something to eat?" I shake my head. I look closely at him and see little beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"Christian are you all right?" I ask.

"Hmm?" He asks after a while and he pulls of his socks. _I don't think he even heard what I said._

"Christian why are you taking off your clothes?"

"Fuck it's hot in here isn't it?" He continues pacing and every once in a while he stops to look at me. It is like if he is checking if I am still there. _God, he is a nervous wreck._

"We need clothes, a stroller and diapers, we need lots and lots of diapers Ana, because I have heard that little babies shit a lot…oh and of course the baby needs to eat…" As he continues pacing he even manages to pull of his jeans. Christian turns around quickly, looks at me and frowns. "No we don't need food because you will be breastfeeding right? I heard my mom say that breast milk provides the best nutrition for a baby. However I need to check that out to be sure. Furthermore, we will have to tell Elliot to make the house baby-proof…and oh fuck I almost forgot…we need a baby monitor, but I want the best…I will get to that later." He mutters.

"Christian…" I try to stand up but he immediately points his long finger at me. "Sit, Ana…you need to stay seated." _Why in hell do I need to stay seated?_ Suddenly his hands fly to his hair and he start pulling it hard. _Like really hard._

"Fuck Ana…we really need to be thinking about enrolling our baby in school, but we can also decide to get him home-schooled…however we can discuss that later." He adds silently.

"Christian…" _No response. Still pacing._

"Christian will you please stop pacing and look at me?" I say a tad louder.

"A name!" He yells. "We need a name!" He throws his arms in the air in a gesture of total despair. This needs to stop now! "Christian stop!" I yell. He blanches and stops dead in his tracks. "Come here…"

"Are you all right Ana?" He chokes and kneels in between my knees.

"I am fine. I am perfectly fine." I cup his cheeks in my hands and look into my husband's amazing eyes that are now filled with worry and anxiety.

"I appreciate that you are making plans and thinking about me and our baby. But it is still real early you know. We have at least seven to eight months to prepare for the birth." I say as slowly as possible. I see Christian visibly swallow. "But I need for everything to be perfect Ana. He or she will have the best…because I didn't have that and neither did you and…"

There is only one way to make him stop talking. I press my lips against his and keep them there until I feel him relaxing.

"Christian. Our baby will want for nothing because we will love him or her with everything we have. A little baby doesn't give a rat's ass about the color of the stroller." And neither do I…but I decide not to share that with him.

"A little baby just wants attention, love and care. And we are going to give him that. As for the clothes and all the rest of the things you mentioned…we will get there. Little steps okay?"

"Little steps. I can do that." He says his eyes big as saucers. "But I have no idea in how to take little steps Ana…what if I screw up…you will guide me right? We will do this together okay, because I don't want to fuck up Ana…I just can't…" Again I place my lips against his until I feel him smiling.

"I am a rambling idiot…" He mutters with his forehead leaning against mine.

"But you are cute though." I grin.

"I know." He grins but turns seriously almost right after that. "Ana, what if I don't know how to be a good father…" _Oh Christian…_

"You will." I say cutting him off. "Because you are caring and have the biggest heart Christian. I just know that you will be there every step of the way. You will protect and care for this little person that we created together. And I know that you will love our baby wholeheartedly and unconditionally for eternity, because that's who you are."

"But I can't help but feel nervous Ana…what if…" He whispers.

"I feel the same way." I admit cutting him of. Because I don't want to hear him saying out loud what he is thinking. Since I know exactly what he is thinking.

The feelings are mixed up. I feel excited about the pregnancy but I don't want to get too excited out of fear that it will be taken away. And even though I heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time I am beyond scared and terrified. And I know for a fact that Christian is feeling the same way.

"I can't wait to hear our baby's heartbeat." Christian says and places his hands on my belly.

"It was beautiful. I wish you could have been there. I am sorry."

He shrugs lightly and then a small smile appears on his face. He gently lays me down on the couch and comes to lay next to me. We are facing each other and somehow it is a monumental moment.

"What are you smiling about?" I ask tracing his lips with my fingers.

"I am thinking that I am going to become your worst nightmare. I am going to protect you and take care of you and our little baby."

"I know you will." I smile back.

"I am going to call my mother and tell her that we will won't be joining them for dinner tonight…" Christian says matter of fact.

"But what about Melissa?"

"She will be all right. Just let us enjoy this okay Ana?"

I nod even though I feel a little guilty about letting Melissa down. However we need this together.

The rest of the afternoon and evening is relaxed and fun. Very carefully we discuss the changes that we are about to face. We even discussed names and how we want to furnish and decorate the nursery. It is surreal, exciting and terrifying.

And someday everything will make perfect sense. So for now we laugh and smile through the tears and we keep reminding ourselves that everything happens for a reason.

* * *

 **A/N: Yay! Christian and Ana are pregnant. I hope you like it. I had fun writing this chapter.**

 **Please don't worry though. The fear and nervousness they are experiencing is perfectly normal for couples who have suffered a miscarriage. I promise that this little baby they are expecting is going to be healthy and perfectly fine.**

 **Thank you again for reading and reviewing my stories. It is very much appreciated.**

 **Alner X**


	28. Chapter 28 - Confusing dreams

**Chapter 28 – Confusing dreams**

 **CPOV**

" _Congratulations Sir, you are having triplets!" The nurse's face gets blurry as I digest the information I just received. Triplets? I look at my surroundings and I see myself standing in a very strange operating room. It looks exactly like my office at GEH. Ana is laying in a bed giggling and playing with her phone. Why is she playing with her phone? And why is she giggling? I don't feel like giggling! I mean didn't she hear the nurse? We are having triplets! She should have listened to me when I told her that we needed more than one stroller, but my sweet wife just rolled her eyes and told me we only needed one stroller! I she as just bats one eyelash when I say the famous words "I told you so…" well, I don't know what I will do, but I am sure as hell going to tell her "I told you so!"_

 _Fuck! That means more diapers, more clothes, and more security! Fuck at the rate this is going I better start building another house for our security members._

" _Ah look here is the first one!" I look at the nurse as she stares at a framed sonogram in her hands. What is happening here? Ana can't give birth to a framed sonogram now can she? She wraps it in a pink blanket and then like it is the most normal thing in the world the nurse tosses me the framed sonogram and asks me to place it on my wife's nightstand. This is not real is it?_

 _Suddenly the scenery has changed and I see myself sitting at a large dinner table where I am surrounded by girls. There are girls everywhere. They are talking simultaneously, not really listening to one another. They are just talking and giggling and talking and giggling. This feels like being trapped in a room with a hundred of Mia's._

 _Wait a minute. I was told I was having triplets…but there are more than three girls seated around the table. One, two, three, four, five…Jesus Christ…five girls?_

 _I start talking but it is like they can't even see me…or they have perfected the act of ignoring me at such a young age. Perfect…just fucking perfect._

 _Abruptly the scene changes again and I am standing in front of the house at the Sound. A little girl with copper colored hair is standing next to the SUV with the cutest backpack on her little back. She is adorable. "Say bye to daddy…" Ana is standing next to her and her belly is swollen._

" _Daddy! Daddy!" The little girl comes running towards me with her arms wide. "Are you going to buy me presents daddy?" The blue eyes look at me and they are full of hope and expectation._

" _It is our birthday tomorrow daddy!" I just nod my head and I see her face beaming. Her smile is contagious so I smile along with her. She is so precious and so small. She is my little girl._

 _But then in the blink of an eye the small girl has turned into a grown woman. She is beautiful and resembles Ana._

 _She is smiling at me and talking rapidly, but I can't hear one word she is saying. Then taking a step forward she stands on her toes and wraps her arms around my neck. "Daddy, you are the best dad a girl could wish for…" With a kiss on my cheek she turns around and walks away._

With my heart pounding against my ribcage I open my eyes. _This was just a dream Grey._ There are no triplets, there isn't a football team of girls sitting at your dinner table. As my eyes adjust to the dark room I hear Ana's soft breathing. Blindly I reach for the framed photograph on the nightstand. What if Doctor Torrey was wrong? What if my dream is right and we are having triplets? Fucking God, I can't have triplets! And girls! They were all girls! I quickly turn on the lights and just stare at the sonogram. It looks like there is only one baby, but then again…what do fuck do I know!

"Ana…baby…can you please wake up for me?" Her brow furrows and she pouts. Fuck she is adorable while she sleeps.

"Ana…I really need you to wake up…" I stir her a little and wait for her eyes to open.

"This better be good Grey!" She grumbles.

"Ana…I just had this dream and you gave birth to triplets, but they weren't normal babies, you gave birth to framed sonograms Ana…it was so weird and then we were sitting at a dinner table and we were surrounded by girls…there were girls everywhere and then there was this small little girl, she looked just like you except for her hair, and then this girl transformed into a stunning young woman… Ana are you absolutely sure that we are having one baby?" I choke and I feel the perspiration slowly sliding down my spine.

Ana blinks a few times and then sits up straight. "We are not having triplets Christian…" She is fighting a smile so instead she bites her lip.

"Are you sure?" I need to be sure.

"Positive…there was just one heartbeat and one little blip…I promise. You know I would have told you otherwise."

I just nod at my wife and swallow past the ball of nerves in the back of my throat. "Are you feeling better now?" Ana brushes her hands through my hair.

"Yeah…it was terrifying for a moment…" I admit.

"I bet." My wife giggles and straddles me.

"There were five girls sitting at that table Ana. Five little, blue eyed girls talking and giggling nonstop…" I huff.

Ana giggles and buries her face in the crook of my neck. "Just imagine the security nightmare Ana…and how about a car? We can't put five little girls in the back of a car!"

"We could always buy a minivan…" Ana whispers and giggles.

"I don't think there is anything funny about a mini-van Ana. I am never ever going to drive a minivan…" I say sternly _. Never ever._ The idea of driving a mini-van is horrifying and utterly ridiculous.

"Of course you are not…" She says sarcastically.

"Are you making fun of me woman?" Okay, so my dream was weird but that doesn't mean she has to make fun of me…

"Absolutely not…" I feel her smiling against my neck.

"Yes you are…you are definitely making fun of me…"

"I love you Christian…and that was just a dream we are not having triplets."

"I believe you…" I say sliding my hands along my wife's naked back. "But now I need to be comforted…"

"I that so?" Ana says in a husky tone. And fuck if that doesn't turn me on. Then suddenly another disturbing idea enters my mind.

"Ana…can I ask you a question?"

"Sure anything…" She is placing small kisses in my neck and is slowly sliding down do my chest. I can't concentrate like this! _For heaven's sake!_

"Ana…do you think that I will hurt the baby…you know…" Ana stops the kissing and sits straight up. Hey face is a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

"What is your question exactly Christian?" I see one corner of her mouth popping up.

"Well, my dick is kind of big baby…what if I accidently poke against the baby's head?" Christ! If that's the case it would mean that I can't make love to my wife for the next seven to eight months? Total abstinence…

What I expect after a question like this is a little bit of compassion and reassurance. Something that would sound like. "Oh Christian. Even though your dick is enormous, it won't damage the baby…" But no, my wife finds it absolutely necessary to laugh at me. And it is not that cute giggle, nope she is laughing really hard.

"Please don't laugh at me…" I whisper.

"Christian. Have I already told you how much I love you?" Her eyes are still smiling as she cups my face in her small, warm hands.

I nod my head because yes Ana tells me every day how much she loves me.

"It is adorable and heartwarming to hear how concerned you are. And I am sorry that I just laughed, but I promise that intercourse doesn't damage the baby…" And with my wife's promise in mind I make love to the most beautiful woman on the planet.

* * *

We are driving in the Bugatti towards Bellevue and it's like I am drifting on a cloud. This has nothing to do with the car, but everything with the fact that I am going to become a dad. I can't wipe the smile off my face since Ana shared the news with me. _I am going to become a dad!_ Fuck!

Like a love sick fool I have been looking at the sonogram the entire day. I placed it on my desk at my home office and every time I typed a few words my eyes would automatically drift off to the sonogram. The biggest grin would appear on my face and then for the hundredth time that day I would pick up the frame and take a closer look at our little miracle.

If the doctor was right with her calculations Ana will be due on my birthday. That would be fucking amazing. _Ana and I are going to become parents!_ We agreed to keep the news of the pregnancy to ourselves, this at least until we are past the critical stage. Obviously we will have to share the news with Gail because of the food and understandably we are going to have to inform the rest of the security because now they aren't only responsible for Ana's wellbeing but also for that of our unborn child. Normally, I have no problems in keeping secrets, I mean that is clear as day seeing what I kept from my parents for almost fifteen years, but this…being pregnant and not being able to talk about it is going to be the greatest challenge yet! I want to stand on top of Escala and scream from the top of my lungs that I am going to be a dad. Pride fills my chest and I want to beat it like a fucking caveman. I want the whole world to know that we are going to have a baby.

Okay, sure I had a little melt down when the news of the pregnancy dawned on me. I mean our lives are going to change dramatically and there is so much we need to do before the baby arrives. I don't know what actually hit me, but suddenly my head became clouded and I could only think about what we need to do before the baby gets here. After I recovered from my panic attack I can say that I am absolutely delighted.

"Hey you all right?" I ask Ana who has been quiet ever since she sat in the car.

"How do you normally spend Thanksgiving?" She asks and she almost sounds melancholic.

"With my parents, why baby?" Ana smiles and sighs. "That's wonderful…"

"I guess…" I reply thoughtful.

"Tell me how did you spend the day?" Ana turns in her seat and looks at me. I see her eyes wandering from my hands to my arms and then they stop at my lips. She blushes as I catch her ogling me.

"It always felt like an obligation. When I started GEH I came up with a lame excuse because I simply didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with my parents. But then Grace showed up at my apartment and she dragged me along with her."

Ana nods thoughtfully.

"And you Ana? How did you spend Thanksgiving…"

"Well I always spend Thanksgiving with my dad of course. Mr. Rodrigues senior and José would occasionally drop by…but it wasn't the traditional Thanksgiving like you are used to. There was never a turkey or anything like that though…"

"You didn't have turkey?"

Ana shrugs and blushes. "Ray was a horrible cook and I tried once to cook a turkey but I failed so horribly. I just didn't have a clue." When I have the car parked. I kiss her cheek and brush her hair behind her ear.

"Why don't we start with our own Thanksgiving tradition?" I suggest. I know we only have a little time before my mother opens the door.

"What do you mean?"

"We can go to Aspen and spend Thanksgiving there. Just the three of us…"

"But Christian, your parents will be so disappointed and my grandparents…" Her voice dies down and she starts fidgeting with her hands.

"I want you to be honest with me Ana. If you were to choose…what would you do? Spend Thanksgiving with our families or just the three of us…"

"The three of us…" She whispers and her smile is stunning.

"Then that's what we'll do…I will take care of it."

"I would love that…" Ana replies.

 **APOV**

"Hey Mel. Can I come in?" I peek my head through Melissa's bedroom door and wait for her to answer.

"Hey Ana. Come in." She sniffs.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask her. I am sitting on her bed with my back leaning against the headboard. Melissa has her head leaning against my shoulder. She is silently crying and she hasn't said anything for the last ten minutes.

"I hit that girl so bad…" I suppress the smile on my face. But I can't help it but feel proud of her. She kicked that girl's ass. I think I am not supposed to feel proud but I am. God, this is so confusing. I should reprimand her right?'

"Why did you hit her?"

She shrugs and I roll my eyes. "Mom told me that her parents called yesterday. They fixed her tooth."

"Do you feel bad?"

"A little. I didn't mean to break her tooth. I just wanted to make her stop."

"Stop what Melissa?"

"She was being mean Ana…she is one of those popular girls at school. She is pretty, smart and has tons of friends. And I thought she was my friend too…" She says sounding sad.

"But…" I encourage her. God having a conversation with a teenager is worse than getting information from my husband.

"But turns out she isn't really my friend because she is a bitch…" _Wow. Wow. Wow…_

"Melissa, don't say that…" I admonish her but I don't sound very convincing. Shit. I know those girls. They are horrible and they can make your life a living hell. _Maybe I should pay that little bitch a visit!_

"But it is true Ana. She is horrible. She is mean…" Melissa bolts up and sits facing me.

"What happened Melissa please tell me."

"Well when I first started school she was my friend…you know like my best friend. SO I told her about my parents and about Grace and Carrick…" Her bottom lips starts trembling and madly she wipes the tears from her cheeks.

"At first she was sweet but then this boy in my class Andrew asked me to go with him to the Christmas gala…She told me that if I would go with him to the dance that she wouldn't be my friend anymore. But I really like him Ana he is cool and very smart…"

She shrugs and fidgets with her jeans. "Okay and then what happened?"

"A few weeks ago I went to sit next to them and they told me that I wasn't part of the group anymore, because I didn't listen to her. I was hurt at the time, but I have other friends so I just hang out with them." God, she is so brave.

"For the last few weeks she is constantly talking behind my back, telling lies about me, when I walk past her she pulls my hair or lets me trip. I just ignored her you know…"

"Come here Mel…" I pull her towards me and hug her as tight as possible.

"Yesterday…she said that she was glad that my parents had died in that car accident and that I wasn't a real Grey because the real Grey's are beautiful and smart and she told me that I was ugly because I have brown hair and brown eyes." Melissa is crying inconsolably.

"I…I don't care…care that she calls me ugly Ana…" She cries in my neck. "But when she told me that she was glad that my parents had died I just got so mad…so I slapped her. I thought that she would stop talking but she didn't…she started pulling my hair and that is when I got even madder…I remembered what you had told me and I punched her…then she kicked me in the stomach and I fell on the floor…when I saw that she wanted to hit me again I just lifted my foot and accidentally broke her tooth…I promise I didn't want to hurt her that bad…" While my first instinct is to do something potentially illegal to that girl that hit Melissa, I know I can't, so I take a deep breath and let Melissa cry.

"Did you tell this to Grace and Carrick Melissa?"

"No, because what if they send me away Ana?"

"You have to tell them Melissa. Grace and Carrick love you so very much. But they can't help you if you aren't honest with them…And they won't send you away."

"Grace was so mad at me…and disappointed I could see that she was disappointed…"

"What did Carrick say…" This time Melissa starts to giggle.

"When I told them what had happened…he murmured that's my girl under his breath…" She wipes the tears from her face and it is the first time that I actually see her smile. "Mom didn't think it was funny though…" _I bet she didn't._

"That is because it isn't funny Melissa. I know that what that girl did and said was cruel and mean, but you can't solve your problems by hitting and fighting.

She nods her head and sniffs. "Mom says that I have to apologize to that girl and I don't want to Ana…she started it…"

"Yes, but your mother doesn't know that." Melissa sighs defeated.

"I will tell them later…" She concedes.

"No, you will talk to her now Melissa." I add sternly and it breaks my heart a little in having to be so stern. But she has to understand that she can always turn to her parents.

I hug her and kiss her cheek and stand from the bed. "I am going to ask Grace to come over here."

"Will you still be here later?" She asks with this tiny voice.

"Christian and I are staying for dinner." I give her my brightest smile, close the door behind me and go in search of Grace.

 **CPOV**

"Dad I asked Barney to pull out the security camera's at Melissa's school." My dad lifts his face from the newspaper he was reading and squints his eyes at me.

"And why is that son?"

"Because I have a feeling that Melissa is hiding something from us."

"Why didn't you discuss that with me before asking Barney to dig into the security cameras at school?" He says and his tone sounds pissed off. _What. the. fuck._

"Really dad? You want me to discuss with you first what I ask my employees?"

His expression doesn't chance, he just shakes his head. "That's not what I mean and you know that. Why is it only now that your mom and I are hearing that you have a feeling that Melissa is hiding something from us?"

"Carrick…" My mom intercedes. "I think that what Christian is trying to say…"

However my mother is cut of rudely by my dad. "I know exactly what he means Grace." He pins her down with his stare and I actually think that this is the first time that I heard my dad talking to my mother like this.

I see hurt flashing in my mother's eyes, but instead of getting into an argument with my father she turns her head to face me. My mother opens her mouth but in the exact same minute Ana steps into the room. "Grace, Melissa would like to talk to you." Ana says and looks uncomfortable while she looks from my mother to my father.

"I will join you Grace." My dad grunts. Ana's eyes widen and she stares at me. _Yeah, I know he is being an asshole._

My mother just nods her head and Ana and I watch them both walking up the stairs.

"How did it go?" I pull Ana on my lap and tuck her head in the crook of my neck.

"I think that your parents need to make an appointment with Ms. Wood…Melissa acted out of self-defense Christian…" My body tenses.

"Is she being bullied?" I growl.

"Yes…" Ana says tentatively. But before I have the chance to reply the doorbell rings. "I have to get that." I say kissing Ana's temple. "It is Gretchen's day off…" I murmur.

I chuckle when I hear Ana's reply. "Small miracles happen after all…"

I don't know what I except when I open the door, but I certainly don't except a twelve year old boy with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Yes." I grunt.

"Hi, I am here to see Melissa." The boys says. His cheeks are flushed red as he keeps eye contact with me.

"And who might you be?" I cock my head to one side and cross my arms in front of my chest.

"I'm…Andrew."

"Does Andrew have a last name?" _Jesus Christ I am really being a dick, because I have to admit that this boy is kind of cute._

"Yes…yes Sir my name is Andrew Barlow…I came to give Melissa this…" He pulls the flowers from behind his back bravely. "And we wanted to study…" He points at his backpack. _Study my ass._

"It is Saturday and Melissa is grounded."

He nods his head and stares at his feet. "I know Sir, but Melissa isn't replying to my texts and I really need to see if she is all right."

"Why?" I ask.

At the same moment Ana comes whirling into the hall way. "Christian what is taking you so long…?" Her eyes move from me to Andrew and then back to me.

"I was just telling Andrew that Melissa is grounded and that it is impossible to see her." I don't remove my eyes from Andrew but I feel Ana's eyes burning a hole in the side of my head.

"You are Andrew?" Ana squeals. And her voice sounds so girly and mushy. What the fuck is this? And how does she know Andrew? But more importantly why is she so happy about Andrew being here?

"Yes ma'am…I am Andrew Barlow and I wanted to see if Melissa was all right. I wanted to come yesterday but I had football practice and couldn't make it…"

"Oh my gosh that is so sweet…" Ana whispers. "Come on in Andrew and call me Ana." Andrew's eyes briefly glance to mine when he steps into the hallway a gleam of victory passing through his green eyes. Andrew 1 – Christian 0. _Fuck._

When I enter my parent's living room, Andrew is sitting on the couch with the flowers still in his small hands. His blue backpack is sitting on the floor by his feet.

"Christian can you please take Andrew's coat and bring him an ice-tea?" Ana smiles at me, totally oblivious from the turmoil in my head, and shoves Andrew's coat in my hands. _What am I the fucking butler?_

Five minutes later I re-enter the living room and the boy is talking a mile a minute while Ana asks him all kinds of questions. However when I slam the glass of ice-tea on the table his eyes dart to mine and he tenses.

"Andrew was just telling me that he wants to become and entrepreneur when he grows up…" Ana's face is beaming.

"And why is that Andrew?" I sit next to my wife and take her hand in mine.

He clears his throat and rubs his hands along his knees. He is nervous and I almost feel sorry for the boy…almost.

"Because I want to be able to help my mom Sir." He says earnestly.

"To help your mother?" I ask and raise my eyebrow at him encouraging him to continue. But he doesn't continue. Instead he reaches for the glass of ice-tea with shaky hands, takes it to his mouth and very cautiously takes a sip.

"What about your father?" I ask bluntly. Ana squeezes my hand and I know she is telling me to shut the hell up, but I can't. This little boy has a crush on my baby sister and I need to find out everything there is to know about him. Hell, I am even playing with the idea to ask Taylor to do a back ground check on his parents. I actually already decided.

Anger flashes in his eyes and he bows his head. "My dad left us when I was a baby Sir…and my mom needs to work very hard to provide for both of us." _It is official. I am a dick. A huge, first class dick._

"I'm sorry…" I manage to say.

"So you want to start your own company." Ana says carefully. "That's very ambitious." She smiles at him and I know that Andrew is almost falling in love with my wife. He is looking at her in awe.

And since I don't give a flying fuck about being called jealous or possessive I casually wrap my arm around Ana's shoulder and kiss her temple. Ana who today looks absolutely amazing in her Burberry, olive and black colored dress. She is even wearing a black belt accentuating her slim waist. I wonder how much longer she will be able to wear this dress. When I saw her putting on those ridiculously high heels I was just in time in biting my tongue. There will be enough changes at it is for her the next coming months, physically and emotionally… I didn't want to add more stress to her by bitching about those shoes.

"Yes, I want to study Information and communication technology." He says self-assured. As I watch this boy sitting on my parent's couch I don't want to like him, I really don't. He didn't come all the way up here to study with my sister, he is here because he likes her. He even brought her flowers! _He has mastered this whole hearts and flowers thing girls love._ However, I really like him. This little boy is determined to make something out of his life. He knows that his mother has to work incredibly hard to provide for them both. And I don't want to even mention the fact that his father left him while he was still a baby. He is smart and driven and I know that someday he will reach his goals. _And I can help him._

"Why do you want to study information and communication technology?" I ask.

"Because that is the future." He says very matter of fact. He probably is rolling his eyes now inwardly and thinking that I must be the biggest dork on this planet.

"Why?"

"With technology I can make things possible. I can solve problems and create opportunities." He says without missing a beat.

"I am working on an app at this moment…" He looks up at me and I can see the excitement in his eyes.

"Tell me about it." I smile at him and slowly the tension leaves his body and start talking about his ideas. They are great and this kid knows what he wants and what he is talking about.

Ten minutes later he has my business card and I told him to call me anytime he wants to visit GEH. I will personally see to it that he gets a full tour and I even will introduce him to Barney.

"Ana" My mother starts but her eyes are on me. "I prepared the information you requested the other day. I placed it in Christian's box. It is in the hallway you can take it with you when you go home…"

"What box?" I ask and shove another forkful of chicken into my mouth.

"The box with your birthmother's personal items Christian." My mother says nervously clearing her throat.

"Did you ask my mother for the entire contents of the box baby?" I ask now looking at Ana. I don't really want my voice to sound accusatory, but it does. I just hope Ana understand where I am coming from.  
"No…I just asked for your adoption papers and the burial records. Just like we discussed." Ana's eyes are trained on her plate as she answers me.

"I don't want the box mom…" My eyes wander to Andrew and Melissa, but they are totally oblivious to our conversation.

"The box belongs to you son." My mother replies never breaking eye contact. "I am not saying that you should look into it, but it belongs to you." And that's the end of the conversation.

I might sound like a petulant child, but I just don't want the box. Even the idea of setting eyes on the box makes my stomach turn. And I know that, among other things, the box contains my mother's journals. The last thing I want is to have confirmed that I wasn't welcome, that I was a mistake. I don't want to know that my biological father didn't want me. I just want to concentrate on the good things in my life. That is Ana and our baby.

My wife's hand on my cheek pulls me out of my thoughts. "You don't have to do anything you don't want." She reassures me. "I will make sure that the moment we get home the box is out of your sight." I just nod feeling a little better. Because sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported. And that's exactly what Ana is doing for me. She loves me and supports me, and that's all I need.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi guys! I hope you liked this chapter.**

 **I just wanted to let you know that I posted a new story called Someday. Go ahead, check it out and let me know what you think!**

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **X Alner**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 29 – Happy Birthday Elliot!**

 **CPOV**

Four days have passed since we visited my parents. And four days I haven't been able to get that fucking box out of my mind. However when my mom said 'box' I imagined an old carton box, but that was not the case. The 'box' is actually a wooden chest painted in baby blue. I haven't looked at it closely but according to Ana it has my name and my birthmother's carved in it.

Ana asked Taylor to put the chest in one of the guestrooms, and even though it is out of my sight it is definitely not out of my mind.

During the ride back to Escala after having dinner with my parents Ana offered to look in the chest for me. I immediately rejected the idea. Not because I don't trust Ana, because I do, but because I am utterly terrified of the contents. My adoption documents are now laying in the safe until I have the courage to look through them or ask Ana to do that for me. It is probably going to be the latter.

Ana hasn't mentioned the chest or the contents after that day. She only said that whenever I was ready, she would be there for me. I am not ready yet, and I am not sure when I ever will.

* * *

I am itching to call Ana who is now having some kind of meeting with an author. I don't understand why she had to go all the way to his office to meet this fucker. She could have met with him at her office. But arguing with my sweet wife at this moment is actually not without risk. I mean Ana has a temper I knew that before I married her. She is stubborn, determined and sensitive all at once. However, now it seems as if those characteristics have amplified ten fucking fold. It is scary, unnerving and I have no fucking idea what to do. World War III erupted the other day when I accidentally forgot to put my socks in the hamper. _And she says I am mercurial._ I mean I was simply distracted while I was looking at my wife's breasts. The girls certainly looked bigger, but no fucking way I was mentioning that.

I have asked Andrea to order every pregnancy book available. The other books I bought after we got married, I threw them away after the miscarriage…so they needed to be replaced as soon as possible.

Reading about your child's development is exciting and fun, however reading about tearing, leaking breasts and all the other horrors relating to birth are quite terrifying. I skipped those chapters…

Funny actually how your feelings as expectant father change. It is like a fucking roller coaster. First there was that moment when Ana told me we were pregnant. Nothing prepares you for that feeling. Even though we wanted it badly, the emotions of that particular moment were simply indescribably. That euphoric feeling is soon replaced by panic…but then there is a moment when you feel the swelling pride. As a man you feel strong and invincible. But despite all the excitement, I can't mention anything to my family or at work, which is almost impossible. I find it excruciatingly hard.

Yesterday for example I was walking back to my office from a meeting when I found Ms. Barlington, an employer who works at Marketing, talking animatedly with Andrea. They were both looking at something. It had to be something really fun since Andrea was smiling. Sure she smiles but those smiles are rare and mostly reserved for her fiancée Mike. Anyway, like the curious fucker I am I approached Andrea's desk to find out exactly what they were looking at. It was a sonogram. Reluctantly Ms. Barlington showed me the sonogram. With just the tiniest peek I knew that our baby was better looking than hers. Stupid…sure. I mean what is there to see on a sonogram except a lot shades of gray and the picture is grainy after all. But I knew that our baby was prettier or more handsome, depending on the gender of course. Because no one is going to call my son, if I have one, pretty. Absolutely out of the question.

After congratulating the expectant mother I hurried back to my office, took the framed sonogram from my suitcase and looked at it…again. Yes, definitely our baby was better looking. It took me all the effort in staying seated and not to walk back to show her my baby…who was far better looking than hers.

A few hours later I can breathe again. Ana just texted me thirty minutes ago that she is on her way back to the office. Fuck I missed her.

I hear giggling, talking and then the door opens. There she is…my wife walks in with Sawyer hot on her heels. _What the fuck is he doing here?_ But it only takes me a few seconds to get the answer to that particular question, because Sawyer is carrying three bags of McDonald's food. Three bags? Really? Who did she invite over for dinner?

"I thought it would be better to eat here before we go to your brother's birthday…" Ana says as she kicks of her shoes. Casually she drops her bag and coat on the couch and saunters in my direction. With the brightest smile and twinkling eyes she brushes my hair to the side and kisses my lips. "Hi…I missed you…" She breathes against my lips.

"Missed you too…so much…" Grabbing her hips I pull her on my lap and slide my hands under her dress along her thighs. She is wearing fucking stockings. I love it when she wears stockings.

"How did the meeting go?" I ask in between kisses.

"Uhm yeah good…" She murmurs and attacks my mouth. _Well this I like very much…_

With her hands clasped around my face our tongues start a battle. She is frantic while she sensually moves her hips against my dick. The little moans that escape her mouth are sexy and arousing as fuck.

While her hips move back and forth, she starts impatiently pulling at my tie without breaking our kiss. "Get if off…" She breathes against my mouth and still pulling at my tie.

Leaning back she stares at me with her eyes wide and passionate. Next she jumps out of my lap, unzips her dress and lets it fall down by her feet. She is standing now in front of me wearing a pale pink lingerie set with little flowers. It is girly, feminine and completely see through. _She looks gorgeous._

With a determined pace Ana walks to the door and locks it.

Three minutes later we are both naked. Ana straddling me with my cock in her hands. Torturously slow she is moving her hand up and down, every now and then she grazes her thumb over the head. She is driving me fucking crazy. Her head is bent down while she watches her hand working my dick, her bottom lip stuck in between those perfect teeth.

"What do you want baby?" My hands massaging her tits. She throws her head back and lets out a long moan. "Tell me Ana…what do you want?" The blush creeps from her neck to her face until her blue orbs focus back on me.

"I want you to fuck me…" Leaning forwards she brushes her tongue against my ear and whispers. "Hard…I want you to fuck me hard Christian…"

"Your wish is my command baby…" Holding her by her waist I lift her up and impale her in one thrust.

"Oh fuck! Christian!" She yells and buries her face in my neck panting hard.

I still for one moment. _Fuck I hurt her…"_ Did I hurt you Ana?"

"God…no…but let me adjust for a minute…" After a few second Ana starts moving, first slowly but then she quickens her moves.

"Have you been thinking about this baby?" I say in between breaths. Ana just nods her head while her hands are pulling at my hair.

"Talk to me…I want to hear you…"

"I…I …cant…Jesus Christian…" _Not good enough baby…_

Holding her hips I push her down and still her movements. "Tell me Ana…what were your thoughts?"

Her head snaps back and she stares at me. Her eyes frantically moving searching my face, probably thinking that I have to be stir crazy to be asking her questions right now. Disbelief, annoyance and then determination passes her beautiful face.

Her hands start gliding from my head down to my neck until she reaches my chest. With her fingernails she starts brushing over my bare chest until she gently starts pinching my nipples. "Do you like this Christian?" She says hoarsely. "Do you like it when I touch you like this?" Somewhere in the back of my head I know she just turned the tables on me. But I don't care…

"Do you know what I was thinking about when that author was droning on and on about stupid shit?" She continues the assault on my nipples while her mouth is working at my neck. Sucking, kissing, sucking, kissing. _Fuck!_

"I was thinking about you…when you came out of the shower this morning and your erection was clearly visible through the white fabric…I was thinking about how you dropped the towel and sauntered towards our bed where I was waiting for you…ready to be fucked…" Her breath hitches and very slowly she moves her hips. "Remember how wet I was Christian?"

Amazingly controlled she guides my hands that were on her breasts to her hips. "Enough with the talk Christian…now fuck me…"

"Fuck" I curse and while gripping the tops of her thighs I grind up on her. I thrust up again. Ana cries out "Yes!"

"Move Ana…" Nipping her bottom lip I smooth my hands around her perfect bottom and pull her up.

The pleasure on her face adds more strength into me. She lifts and falls into my lap uncontrolled. "Like this?" Ana asks.

"Yes! Fuck yes baby!"

Moving quickly, I place her on her back on my desk and slip back into her with ease. "I love you Christian." She says licking her lips provocatively.

She gasps and slowly closes her eyes when I thrust into her deep and precise. "Oh shit…"

"Are you coming Ana?"

"Yes…" She moans bowing her back and curling her legs around my waist. Placing my face closer to her, our tongues meet. But then I feel Ana starting to shake as her climax hits her. I push further into her, kissing her passionately and moaning loudly. Her hands find my now wet hair.

"I'm coming Christian…" She groans. "Christian, I am coming…" I feel her walls contracting around my dick and I harden my kiss while I am hit by the most powerful orgasm ever. Pleasure seems to hit me from every direction. The sensations are overwhelming. "Ana!" I scream her name and explode.

"Oh God…" Ana breathes as her arms flops above her head. A dreamy smile is adorning her beautiful face as she looks up at me.

* * *

"We have the double quarter pounder with cheese, the bacon McDouble and the Daily double, the premium McWrap chicken and the French fries." Ana smiles up at me.

"Oh…here is yours…" Her arm disappears into one of those brown bags and she proudly presents me a salad. _She bought me a fucking salad?_

"A salad? You bought the entire menu for yourself and I only get a salad?" I ask her incredulously.

"Well, it is a premium bacon salad with grilled chicken." She shrugs nonchalantly and stuffs two French fries into her delectable mouth.

"What?" She says slowly chewing on her fries. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

 _Well, maybe because you only bought me one freaking salad?_

Her mouth breaks into a lovely smile and she starts to giggle. "I'm sorry that was just so hard to resist…you should have seen your face…" She snorts adorably and hands me a hamburger and my French fries.

"Funny baby…"

"I know…" She shrugs again and leans comfortably against the couch. "God, we drove passed the McDonalds and I just needed a hamburger…" _Yeah and another and a wrap and French fries and the chocolate milkshake._

I just smile at her while I take a bite of the lukewarm hamburger. "Oh and you want to know what I really would love to eat right now?"

"No, I don't baby…" She takes the biggest bite of a hamburger and chews slowly. "My nana's muffins…" She grins. "God, they are always so soft and moisty…" she moans low in her throat and closes her eyes.

We eat in silence for a while and when I look up again I see that she has finished her fries and is now eating mine. When I just stare at her hand and raise my eyebrow she smiles sweetly. "Uh huh…you promised me Christian…" She waves the now limp looking fry in the air. "You promised me that you would always share your fries with me…"

Throwing my head back I laugh at her wittiness. "That's true baby…" Discarding the now empty milk-shake I crawl towards my beautiful wife. "How are you feeling?" I nuzzle her neck with my nose and kiss her on that spot behind her ear.

She squirms and giggles. "I'm feeling great actually." She frowns slightly and then her serious eyes meet mine. "Do you think that's bad…I mean that I don't feel nauseous or dizzy?"

"I have read that some woman don't have any of the typical signs of pregnancy. But if you are worried about it we can ask Dr. Torrey tomorrow okay?"

She nods pensive. "What are you thinking about Ana?"

She shakes her head and bows it. Her eyes are now fixated on her fidgeting fingers. "What is it…" Taking her chin in between my fingers I force her to look up at me. Tears are pooling in her eyes.

"What is it Ana…talk to me…"

"It's just…don't hate me okay?" She whispers looking at me. And it seems as if she is carrying the world's weight on her shoulders.

"I could never hate you baby…"

"I…I miss my mother…" She shakes her head and grabs my hand. "It is stupid right, considering the amount of hurt she caused me and my grandparents…but it is just that I wish I somehow could be able to talk to her about this…" She points at her belly. "I want to hear everything about her pregnancy. Did she experience any sickness, did she experience these weird cravings, or if she felt so tired, but most importantly I just would like to ask her if she felt this happy when she found out that she was pregnant with me…but I already know the answer to that right?"

"Maybe you can ask Nana…" I say rubbing her knuckles with my thumb. Because I have no fucking clue as what to say to her. It is probably normal that she wants to share this with her mother. It is monumental and under normal circumstances it should be this way. However, Carla has proven time and time again that she doesn't care about Ana and I am sure that she wouldn't give a rats ass about our baby…neither would I let her near our child.

"Yeah maybe…" She sighs.

"Oh what did we get Elliot for his birthday?" She asks turning the conversation.

"We got him season tickets for the Mariners."

"Full season?"

"Yup, and for the best section."

"Figures…" Ana mumbles and bites her lip.

"Hey, did I hear it correctly that you are feeling tired?" I ask brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

Her eyes shoot to mine nervously and she just nods her head.

"Like how tired?"

"Like I have trouble lifting my head off my pillow in the morning, and it feels like I am dragging my feet all day and I can't wait to crawl into bed as soon as I arrive home at night…"

 _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…oh fuck it_. "And why haven't you told me before?"

"Because I knew how you would react…" She says slightly raising her chin.

"And that's because I fucking love you Ana…"

Her bottom lip start to tremble and the first tear slips down her cheek. "Don't cry Ana…but it is just…fuck baby…you need to listen to your body. If you are sleepy then sleep, if you need me to do something for you then please say so and ask me to do it…" I kiss her head and pull her towards me so that her head is resting on my chest. _Fuck she is all over the place._

"You know what? I am going to call my brother and tell him that we aren't coming…"

"No! I want to go!" She says tugging at my shirt. "Sam is going to be there and it has been so long since I've seen him…"

"Fine, but the moment you feel tired we will leave immediately…"

"Promise…" She whispers and her smile is back.

* * *

"Whatever you do and whatever you say don't mention the word cake…" My brother tells me. He is casually looking around in his living room while he takes a sip of his beer.

"Why?"

"Megan baked me a cake…disaster…" He whispers. He is still not looking at me.

"It can't be that bad man…" His eyes fly to mine in a flash. A grin on his face.

"Show me…" _It surely can't be that bad. He is overreacting._

"I can't…I do have a picture though…" He scrolls through his phone until he finds what he is looking for. "Don't let Megan know that you have seen this man…and if she finds out, don't tell me I didn't warn you…"

Elliot shoves his phone in my hands and I just stare at the 'thing' on the picture. What the fuck is that? I try to look at it from a different angle, but I still can't figure it out.

"It doesn't matter how you look at it…it doesn't change. That's the cake…" Elliot deadpans. And I know he is avoiding eye contact with me. Because fuck. This…cake…if you can even call it that way is not a cake. It is a hump of dough with mixed up colors, yellow dominates though. _At least the choose a happy color._

"What is that? Are those sour patches?"

"Yeah…" Elliot sighs. "You know how I love sour patches right?"

I nod my head even though he isn't even looking at me. It is just that I can't pull my eyes from the 'cake'.

"Well, she saw a recipe on the internet…and it was a rectangular cake, with the words sour patch on top and there were supposed to be sour patches hidden inside. The idea was like really sweet, but damn…she failed…" _Yeah like epically._

"Where is the cake now?" I ask and quickly hand him back the phone.

"It was on my face…"

"What?"

"Yeah, imagine. This morning I was woken up by my hot as hell wife singing happy birthday…all seductively she crawls on the bed and tells me that she has a surprise for me. I don't know what I thought that the surprise would be, but surely not that thing…" He takes another sip from his beer and brushes his hand over his face.

"Imagine my reaction when she presented me the cake…"

"What did you do man?" I search with my eyes through the crowd until I spot Ana. She is happily chatting away with Nana. The moment our eyes meet she gives me a little wave.

"I asked her what it was…"

"You didn't…" I ask horrified.

"Yeah man, I just couldn't figure it out and it didn't even smell like cake. I think that something went wrong during the baking process because even the sour patches were melted _…" Obviously something went very wrong…_

"Anyway, I just said. Oh baby this is…different. But what is it exactly?" Elliot shoves his hands in his jeans and looks at me. "It just took her one second to realize what I had said. And before I even could blink my eyes, she just smacked the cake in my face…" He shrugs as if it is the most normal thing in the world. _It probably is in his world…_

I have to hide my smile with my beer bottle.

"So now you don't have a cake?"

"NO I don't…and you know that cutting the cake is my favorite part…" He says and he truly looks disappointed.

"You are such a kid Lelliot…" My eyes fly to Ana she is sitting on the same spot as before but her eyes are fixated on the door. Suddenly her smile brightens and she jumps up to her feet. I look to where she is heading and that's when I see Sam… _Yeah. My buddy just arrived._

When I reach them Sam is hugging Ana tightly and smiling. Dani is standing behind him holding his jacket. Then I see a little blonde girl clutching Dani's leg.

"I hope you don't mind." Dani starts. "But when Sam told Lizzy that he was going to a birthday party she insisted to come along…"

"No problem. The more the merrier…" Elliot high fives Sam and walks back to the other guests.

"Did you bring a friend with you Sam?" Ana asks.

He looks to his left and nods his head. It looks like if he had completely forgotten about the little girl. "Are you going to introduce us?" I ask and kneel down so that I am on eye level with them. The girl is amazingly cute as she is looking at us shyly while she nervously is sucking on her finger.

"This is Lizzy…" Sam says very matter of fact. I am amazed as he takes her hand in his and pushes her forward. "This is Auntie Ana, Lizzy…" His head is cocked to one side as he is waiting for Lizzy to react.

"Hi Lizzy…" Ana says softly. "I like your bag pack. Who is that beautiful princes?" It is amazing to watch how the little girl relaxes to Ana after just having mentioned the princes on her bag pack.

"That is Belle…"

"Oh yeah now I remember…" Ana says and looks brightly at Lizzy. "Why don't you sit with me and tell me all about Belle…" Ana offers Lizzy her hand and I watch mesmerized as Lizzy takes Ana proffered hand and walks with her toward the couch.

Half an hour later Ana is still sitting on the couch with Lizzy on her lap. Sam went outside with a few other kids were Elliot had set up a bouncy castle. Obviously Lizzy prefers to stay with my wife, instead of playing outside with the other kids.

"What's with all the kids?" I ask my brother.

"Meghan's friends, neighbors…" He shrugs.

Ana and Lizzy are looking at a book, probably about princesses. Every now and then Ana points to the bowl in Lizzy's hand. She then waits until Lizzy puts a piece of fruit in her mouth before she continues reading. She is going to be a perfect mom…just like I already knew.

"Ana is great with kids…" Elliot points his chin towards Ana as he watches them.

"She is…"

"Little girls scare the shit out of me though." Elliot blurts out.

"Why is that?" Elliot shakes his head and he almost looks apologetic. "Look I know that Meghan and I are incredibly blessed with our pregnancy…" His eyes move to mine quickly and I just nod. "And I know that the only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy…" He takes a sip of his beer and this time his eyes are rooted on Ana and Lizzy. "But fuck I have prayed for a boy…man I don't think I could handle a little girl…girls are just so small and vulnerable…besides I have watched enough Disney princesses movies to last me a fucking life time." He grunts.

"With who did you watch those movies man?" His head snap to mine.

"With Mia asshole. Somehow I was always the one she asked to watch those stupid films with. And I won't forget the time that she was ten or so and she got her appendix removed…"

"Oh yeah now I remember" I reply lamely.

"Yeah fucker. You thought it would be a great idea to gift her the entire Disney box collection…"

"Hey, don't be a piss about it. Mom always made me help her with her homework…"

"Anyway we are getting out of track here." Elliot continues. "I mean those Disney princesses…I don't know man…first there is Belle from the Beauty and the Beast. Sure the girl is the total package smart, beautiful and kind, but her boyfriend is a beast and then the girl thinks it is totally okay to talk to candles dude…and oh the Sleeping Beauty sleeps for hundred years…she is just a lazy bitch…" He grins at me and continues his little Disney princess rant.

"That little mermaid Ariel gives everything up to be with the guy she loves…and what does the fucker do for their first date…a boat ride! I mean what the fuck? The girl trades her tail for a pair of hot legs and the asshole takes her for a boat ride! And oh…Snow White digs little guys and she shares a house with seven guys I mean that girl needs some standards. To top it off she spends the entire day cleaning and singing…anyway I think the moral of the story of Snow White is that fruit is bad for you…you should only eat pie and ice cream." Elliot has his eyes still on my wife and Lizzy.

"And then we have Cinderella, that girl is constantly freaking out about her curfew and really I don't know what the fuss I all about. " Elliot scratches his noise and shakes his head. "If Cinderella would have taken all of her clothes off before midnight she could have stayed with the prince and it would have saved him a lot of trouble you know…It just logical thinking on my part…" He murmurs the last words when he sees me eying him troubled.

"Shit Elliot you really gave those Disney princesses some thought…"

"Just saying that I would be eternally grateful to…well whoever, if our first child would be a boy…"

"Do you guys want to know before the baby is born or are you going to wait?"

"We want to know…however Meghan isn't so keen on letting me accompanying her to the OB/GYN."

"Just promise her you won't touch the plastic vagina's…"

I don't hear my brother's response because someone is tapping me on my shoulder. Turning around I see Dani holding a glass of orange juice in her hands.

"Hi, something wrong with Sam?" I ask looking around.

"No…not at all. I just wanted to speak with you…in private."

"Sure, let's go to the kitchen…" While me make our way through the living room we reach the kitchen which is empty.

Leaning with my body against the kitchen counter I just stare at her. Dani looks uncomfortable and it seems as if she is having trouble in saying the words she wants to say.

"José contacted me the other day…" She whispers and sits down on one of the chairs.

"What did the fucker want?" I growl. Her head snaps to mine surprised by my sudden anger.

"He…" She clears her throat uncomfortably. "They are releasing him in a week…" She stares at me and I see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"But he was admitted for a six month treatment…"

"I know, but he told me that he is being released earlier." She replies silently.

"What does he want?"

"He wants to come and live with me and Sam, but I don't want that…Sam is doing exceptionally well at this point. His nightmares are gone, he doesn't get scared anymore with loud noises…the anxiety he had when he first came to live with me is gone…and I want it to stay it that way. I don't want to risk losing him again. I really love Sam he is my son…I just want what is best for him…" The tears are now falling from her eyes at a rapid speed and I have no idea what to do.

So like I always do when a woman starts crying, I hand her my handkerchief.

"Let me talk to my dad okay. We will figure something out."

Dani just left the kitchen and five minutes later I have send different e-mails to Welch, Barney and Taylor. I want to know how José fucking Rodriguez is doing and how he spend his days in that treatment facility. I want to know every fucking thing there is to know about the fucker.

 **APOV**

Christian has been extremely quiet on the drive back home from Elliot's birthday. I asked him several times if there was something on his mind, but he just waved me off telling me that he was just excited about tomorrow's appointment at the OB/GYN.

Somehow I think he is lying. Sure I immediately believe when he says he is excited, but Christian behaves completely different when he is excited. Now he seems closed off and maybe even a little angry.

So, like he always does when he needs to work out something, he went straight to his office and slammed the door shut. It is now almost midnight and he is still in his office.

I am standing on the other side of his office door and I can hear him pounding furiously on his laptop.

Without knocking I enter his office and watch as he sits slightly bent forward, his eyes looking at the screen in front of him.

"You need to sleep Ana…" He sighs and starts typing again.

"You need to sleep too. Besides we missed you." I make my way to his chair and shove him backwards. Without asking for permission I sit on his lap, leaving him no other choice but to sit back. Immediately his arms wrap around my body and he buries his nose in my hair.

"What's wrong Christian?"

"You don't need to worry Ana. Let me handle this…"

"But I do worry. You were fine when we drove to Elliot's but then something happened that made you turn into a grumpy man. Now, tell me so I can stop worrying. Is it about GEH?"

"No…there is nothing wrong at GEH." He answers curtly.

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something to get you in this strange mood?"

"No, absolutely not. You make everything better." His hands moves to my stomach and starts rubbing it gently.

"So you missed me huh?" _Ah, here he is trying to distract me._

"Yes, we missed you. Blip here was asking me where you were. He missed your little chat." Christian shy smile is beautiful as he looks at me.

"Yeah, but I am quiet the storyteller…" Christian says cocky.

"That you are…" I kiss his cheek and wait for him to start talking.

"So, what more did little blip tell you…"

"Well he told me that he can't wait to meet you and that you should always share your worries…" I sigh and take Christian's face in my hands and force him to look at me. "Christian please I am not saying that I can fix whatever is bothering you, but I can promise that you won't have to face it alone."

He nods and tightens his hold on me. "Dani told me that José has contacted her…he is being released next week from the treatment facility and he wants to live with Dani and Sam…"

Christian then tells me how Dani feels about that and that he has Welch, Barney and Taylor working on information about José.

"Were they able to come up with anything?" I ask.

"Not yet. Barney only told me that he send you an e-mail where he asks to meet with you…" Christian admits.

"Are my e-mails monitored?" I ask stunned.

"Yes, and so are mine."

"Because of the threats?"

"Yes. Mostly because of the threats."

"I don't want to see José. is that what you are worried about?"

"I just don't trust him Ana. I didn't want to forbid you to meet him, because I know that it won't go over very well…I just want to protect you."

"I promise that I won't meet with him. I don't have anything left to say to him." Christian breaths out a sigh of relieve.

"Is that what you were worried about?"

He is quiet for some time and then he leans his head back and closes his eyes. "That talk with Dani somehow made me think about Ella…" Christian is quiet again and he pulls me towards him.

"Can I ask you to look at those adoption papers Ana?"

"Of course."

"And the box…I need you to look inside the box."

"We can do it together if you want…" I offer.

"No, I don't know if I can handle that. Will you also read her journals for me?"

"I will do everything for you…" With a last peck on his cheek I stand from his lap and tug at his hand.

"Come on, you still owe blip a story and I am pretty beat…"

Christian follows me willingly to our bedroom. While Christian is busy undressing my thoughts wander off to the box in the guestroom and I just hope that the contents of that box and Ella's diaries are happy ones. That for once in his life my husband doesn't feel rejected or unloved by his biological mother.


	30. Chapter 30 - Little baby Grey

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 30 – Little baby Grey…**

 **CPOV**

I know totally understand why my brother behaved so utterly stupid the moment they wanted to perform the ultrasound on his wife. I feel the same fucking way…my eyes are darting to the plastic vagina on her desk constantly. The urge to stick my fingers into the plastic thing is overwhelming, but I manage not to do it. Doctor Torrey is asking Ana all kinds of questions while she quickly jots the answers down on a notepad.

My wife is totally relaxed, glowing and the smile hasn't left her face since she knows that we are expecting a baby.

"So tell me Ana how are you feeling. Are you experiencing any nausea?" Doctor Torreys asks as she folds her hands on her desk. Her eyes wander to me every now and then and every time she gives me a reassuring nod. _Am I this fucking obvious?_

"No, no nausea, however I feel extremely tired." Ana says and her eyes dart to mine.

"Well fatigue is very common during the first trimester and tends to return in late pregnancy." Dr. Torrey answers.

"What are the causes?" I ask and take Ana's hand in mine.

"Probably the hormonal changes and the rise in progesterone." She smiles and then turns her face back to Ana. "Listen to your body, when you feel tired sleep or relax and what is also very important is to eat healthy. Make sure to get enough protein and carbohydrates. Also make sure you're getting enough calories. And try to eat often. Keeping your blood sugar on an even keel will help keep your energy steady, opt for frequent mini-meals and snacks." Ana's eyes drift quickly to mine and I just smirk. _This is going to be so much fun!_ If your fatigue is severe, persistent or lasts throughout your entire pregnancy, just be sure to call me, especially if you experience other symptoms like weakness, breathlessness or even fainting spells." _Well shit._ Again Dr. Torrey gives me a reassuring smile and looks back at my wife.

"Tell me Ana. Do you feel anxious about this pregnancy?" Ana just nods her head and shifts in her seat.

"Because of the miscarriage?" Dr. Torrey asks. Her voice sounds soothing instead of accusing.

"Yes…" Ana says. "We never found out what the reason was of the miscarriage. We didn't even know how far along I was. It is just…nerve racking. We are extremely happy about this pregnancy but at the same time I am feeling anxious and scared."

Dr. Torrey smiles sadly and covers Ana's hand with hers. "Those feelings are common, but talk about them and allow yourself to experience them. Talk to Christian, family or friends for comfort. And if you keep having trouble coping, then we can set up an appointment with a health care provider or a counselor for extra support."

Dr. Torrey leans back into her chair and eyes Ana worriedly. "Ana, we discussed this last week. We often don't know the cause of a miscarriage. However, a miscarriage is usually a one-time occurrence. Most women who miscarry go on to have a healthy pregnancy after miscarriage. Just be kind to yourself Ana…and accept that it is fine and normal in your circumstances not to feel happy all of the time. Try to stay in the present. Try to enjoy this pregnancy Ana…I also want to make clear that I am here for you. You can tell me about your anxieties or worries and I will try my very best to reassure you. If you want we can set up extra appointments between your regular ones to listen to your baby's heartbeat or for an extra ultrasound scan, if it makes you feel better."

"It is going to be all right Ana…" I encourage her the best I can. Because truth be told I feel the same as Ana. It is extremely difficult to allow yourself to feel happy. And when you allow yourself the tiniest feeling of happiness you instantly feel guilty.

"Now if you don't have any questions I would like to proceed and do an ultrasound and try to determine your actual due date…"

Dr. Torrey nicely asks us to move to the adjacent room. She asks Ana to unzip her jeans and pull them down just below her pubic bone.

I am sitting next to Ana her hand tightly in mine. I watch as Dr. Torrey drapes a towel over Ana's legs.

Dr. Torrey washes her hands, slides on a pair of gloves and reaches for a small white bottle. "This can feel a little cold…" She warns and squirts a blob of gel onto Ana's stomach.

"This is a transducer." She shows us the odd looking device in her hand. "This emits sound waves as I rub it over Ana's stomach."

"Are there any risks when preforming an ultrasound?" I ask hoarsely.

"No Christian, an ultrasound is very low-risk. Otherwise I would expose your baby to it." She says calmly.

First the image on the ultrasound monitor is dark…my eyes fly from Ana's eyes to the screen. I feel Ana squeezing my hand and her eyes meet mine again. "You are squeezing my hand Christian…" She whispers smiling. _Whoosh…whoosh…whoosh…_

"Oh fuck…sorry…it's that I am a little nervous…" I shrug and kiss my wife's hand. I don't let go though. Doctor Torrey smiles while she turns a button on the device. First there is nothing and then a whooshing sound and then… _Whoosh…whoosh…whoosh… Whoosh…whoosh…whoosh…_

"What's that sound?" My eyes darting from the monitor to the doctor.

"That Christian is your baby's heartbeat…"

Holy fuck! That's our baby…

"Do you hear that Ana…" I look at Ana quickly and she is just smiling with tears brimming in her eyes.

"Don't cry…this is good Ana…listen to the heartbeat…it is so strong and so fast…"

"His or her heartbeat is 170 beats per minute…" The doctor says and points to the numbers on the screen.

"This is good right? I mean the heartbeat is good?" I ask to be sure.

"The heartbeat is strong Christian…now let me see if we can get a better look…" She moves the wand over Ana's belly and that's when I see it. There it is…our little blip.

I can't speak. I am fascinated while I look at our little baby on the screen. It is amazing that something so precious and tiny is growing in Ana's body. My heart just started to beat faster, sweat is forming above my brows. My heart literally pounding against my ribcage. The feeling, I can't even describe how I am feeling right now…it is indescribable. I am completely blown away. My eyes are filling up but it is like I won't cry…I am so fucking happy to hear our baby's heartbeat. It is like he or she is telling me… _get ready daddy I am on my way…_

Staring at the screen I am nearly losing my breath. A tiny _,_ unborn life is twitching and jerking inside a little cocoon. Fuck, it looks so small…so vulnerable. Watching my unborn child, I vow to myself to protect and love this child unconditionally until the day I die.

 **APOV**

I am feeling thrilled, excited and incredibly happy. Christian hasn't said much the last couple of minutes. He is solely focused on the little screen where our little baby is happily moving up and down, my hand still tightly in his. And even though this is the second time I saw our little baby, nothing can compare to this feeling when you are sharing it with your husband. It is magical.

A giggle escapes me when I see Christian moving closer to the screen. It is like he doesn't want to miss one single detail.

"There is only one heartbeat right?" He says without tearing his eyes from the screen.

"Yes, Christian there is only one heartbeat."

"So, there isn't another baby hiding in there?"

Doctor Torrey chuckles and smiles at my husband. "You can be assured that there is only one baby. No one is hiding…" She reassures him. Christian shrugs and smiles shyly.

"Can you tell us how far along we are?"

Doctor Torrey looks back at the screen and stills the image. "From what I saw the last time that Ana was here during her first appointment and today I would say that you are ten weeks along…"

"Wow…" Christian replies. He is stunned. I can see it on his face and his wide eyes. .

"Yes, your baby is now about the size of a kumquat. His fingers have now separated and there are tiny nails growing. His eyes and eyelids are more developed and his eyebrows are beginning to grow…He weighs less than a quarter of an ounce and is a little over 1 inch long from head to bottom…"

Christian nods his head not moving his eyes from the screen. I know that he is fighting his emotions. I can see his jaw ticking nervously and he is rapidly blinking his eyes.

"I will give you a little privacy." With a soft click of the door Christian and I are left alone.

Slowly Christian's face turns towards me and that is when I see that my suspicions were correct. He can barely keep his emotions together.

"It's a miracle right? Can you believe that we created that little life together?" Christian's voice sounds hoarse and his smile, even though genuine and a very happy one is shaky.

"It _is_ amazing…"

"Do you know how happy you made me Ana?"

"Just as happy as you make me Christian…come here." I open my arms inviting him in. He immediately obliges and buries his face in the crook of my neck.

A few minutes later after he has pulled himself together he starts peppering my face with little kisses. The smile on his face is astonishing. "I love you Ana…"

"I love you too Christian…very much so…"

* * *

"You heard Doctor Torrey, Anastasia…you need to eat healthy and get lots and lots of sleep…" _Oh Shit, I knew this was coming._

"I already asked Gail to cook you balanced meals…and maybe you should cut back on the hours of work…" My head snaps back at him and he immediately put his hands up in a form of surrender. "Just for the time being. Until you don't feel so tired anymore…" I just nod my head but don't reply. He might be right, but it aggravates me that he, once again, is taking over control. Taylor's eyes meet me in the rearview mirror for a second and I think I see sympathy passing.

"What do you want to do when we get home…" He takes my hand in his and gives me his panty dropping smile. _He knows very well he just crossed a line._

"I need to call Mike about the author we signed yesterday and afterwards I think I am going to catch up on some reading…" _And look into your adoption papers._ "And what about you?"

"I am going to work for a while, there are still a few things I need to discuss with Taylor…" His face immediately turns angry and I know exactly what he wants to discuss with Taylor or better who. _José._

"You don't need to worry about José Anastasia…I promise that he won't come near you." Christian doesn't even look at me as he says this, he just stares out of the window.

I know Christian won't let José near me. But it is not me I am afraid about, I know that Dani has a soft spot for José, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to manipulate her like he did when Sam was born. I am actually worried about Sam. I know that children are resilient, but I just don't want him to get hurt.

"Promise me that you won't let him near Sam…" I whisper and tug at his hand so that he looks at me.

Christian rakes his hand through his hair and sighs. "I asked my dad to look into it, see what we could do…maybe have the visits coordinated and under the supervision of the social worker." Pinching the bridge of his nose Christian sighs. "I called my dad just before we left for the hospital and he snapped at me…he told me that he still hadn't had the time to look into it. I will give him until tomorrow morning and if he hasn't call me back by then I will call my own lawyer."

"Please keep in mind that your dad is recovering from a major surgery Christian...and…"

Rudely he cuts me off. "For Christ sakes Ana. It will only takes him one phone call, maybe two…"

"He was very sick Christian." I say raising my voice. "Your dad went from working eighty hours a week to nothing. His life has changed dramatically. Take that into consideration before you speak again!"

From the corner of my eye I see Christian clenching his fists in … His lips are forming a straight line and that ugly vein in his neck is showing. He opens his mouth, closes it again and then lets out a huge breathe of air.

"I'm sorry…you are right. That is probably the reason why he is behaving so strange the past few times I saw him."

"What do you mean…"

"The last time we had dinner at my parent's he was being extremely rude towards my mother. I have seriously never seen him acting like that. Sure, they fought every now and then, but my dad always made sure not to disrespect my mother in front of us."

"Maybe you could talk to him." I offer silently.

Christian nods pensive and turns back to watch the scenery passing by.

 **CPOV**

I left Ana in our bedroom reading. She was surrounded by books and even a few manuscripts. I promised to get her as soon as dinner was ready. I close my laptop and contemplate on what to do with the Rodriguez fucker. Taylor just informed me that Barney hasn't been able to hack into the facilities system. Taylor already arranged for a covered CPO to guard the facility. As soon as the fucker is released he will be followed every step of the way. I drum with my fingers impatiently against my desk. The unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach is still there and it got there the moment Dani told me about Rodriguez impendent release. What was the fucker thinking that he could just move in with Dani and Sam and pretend like nothing ever happened. It just doesn't make sense. Sure people change, but his sudden behavior doesn't sit well with me. For all I care he jumps off from a cliff, as long as he stays away from Sam and Anastasia.

When I glance at the two sonograms on my desk an idea forms in my head. I have never experienced something as intense and joyful in my life as seeing my child and hearing his or her heartbeat for the first time today. The sound of the heartbeat went straight to my heart and made it almost burst with happiness. Immediately I felt how much I already love this little baby and what I would do to protect him or her. What will our baby look like? Will he or she look like Ana or like me? I can't fucking wait until he is ready to meet us.

But first I need to go shopping for my wife and unborn baby.

The first shop was easy. Cartier. Ana loves to wear the charm bracelet I gave her for her birthday. It is time for a new charm…and I know just the perfect one.

The next shop however was a little more challenging. I remember the last time I went there with Ana and somehow that image has been burned into my brains.

Entering "Pitter-Patter" I take a huge breath and hope that there are no nose-picking-little-tantrums-toddlers around.

"Good afternoon Sir, welcome to "Pitter-Patter" how may I help you?" She says with a fake smile.

"I need a teddy bear…the biggest one…"

I watch her eyes slowly moving down my body and then her tongue darts out and she nervously licks her lips. It seems as if "Bambi" as her nametag reads is temporarily stunned.

"Teddy bear…" I say as sternly as possible and nod towards the store with my head. _Get moving lady._

"Right…" She murmurs. Straightening her shoulders she starts walking through the store, every now and then acknowledging other customers by nodding her head and giving them her fake smile.

"Did you know that the teddy bear was developed by Morris Michtom and that it is named after President Roosevelt?" _No, I didn't, nor do I care._ When I don't reply "Bambi" just continues. And what the fuck were her parents thinking when they named her Bambi? Were they hoping their daughter would pursue a career as a stripper? Jesus Christ. I need to talk to Ana about names.

"Since the creation of the first teddy bears, they have greatly varied in form, style and material.

Teddy bears are among the most popular gifts for children and are often given to adults to signify love, congratulations, or sympathy." Bambi throws me a smile over her shoulder and she stops at a section full of teddy bears.

"I assume that this teddy bear is for a niece or nephew?" Bambi says breaking the silence. Her eyes roaming over my body.

"You assumed wrong." I say without even looking at her. "This teddy bear is for my wife…who I love very, very much." I scan my eyes through the ridiculous amount of teddy bears. Christ. She was right when she mentioned that these come in form, style and material. And then I see it. A white, very soft looking but most importantly, gigantic teddy bear. _Mission accomplished._

"I want that one…" I start walking towards the humongous teddy bear and I can't help the smile on my face. _I wonder what Ana's reaction is going to be._

"I can arrange for the teddy bear to be delivered at your home…" She bats her eyelashes at me and pushes her tits forward.

"No need. I will take it with me now."

I will never admit this out loud but Bambi was fucking right. It would have been better if this teddy bear would have been delivered at the apartment because first I had to carry the bear to my car. The next challenge was getting the bear into said car. While I was trying to maneuver the freaking bear into the front seat a very unsettling image of a mini-van crossed my mind. _No. Mini-van. Ever._

Wit great difficulty, and ten excruciatingly tiring minutes later, I have finally made it. I managed to force the bear in the passenger seat and he was even wearing the seatbelt. _Safety first._

I probably look like a ridiculous fool driving the Bugatti with the gigantic teddy bear seated next to me. _However, I don't give a flying fuck._

Another thought enters my mind the moment I start the car. I pull my phone from my pocket and dial my brother's number.

"He dickhead what's up?" Elliot answers his phone.

"Grow up Elliot. Hey, I was wondering if you have time to meet at mom and dads." There is a short brief of silence and something like a door closing on the background.

"Why what's wrong?"

"Haven't you noticed dad's behavior lately?" I ask silently. Silence stretches over the phone again and I know that Elliot did notice it.

"Yeah, I did…but bro I don't know if we should interfere…you know dad…"

"Yes, I know dad Elliot." I say cutting him off. "And I know that this isn't normal behavior. I have never seen him talk to mom like that before. Not even when we were kids…"

"What do you want to do. Walk in there and ask him why he is behaving like an ass?" Elliot grunts.

"I don't know…" I admit clenching the steering wheel. "That's why I called you…don't let me do this alone Elliot…"

"See you at mom and dads in half an hour. I need to finish some stuff at the site before I can leave." The phone goes dead. I start the engine and make my way to Bellevue.

* * *

"Christian, what are you doing here. And where is Ana?" My mom's eyes wander behind me and then back to me. "Ana didn't join me today mom. It is just me." Carefully she takes the lid of a pan and inspects the contents. She seems to be happy with the result as she nods her head pleased with the results. She then proceeds to turn off the stove and walks towards the fridge. "Something wrong?" She asks and wipes her hands on a kitchen towel.

"Nope. I just wanted to see how my lovely mom was doing." I kiss her forehead and hug her to my chest.

"What are you making and where the fuck is Gretchen?"

"Watch your mouth Christian!" My mom gives me one of her dirty looks and pours me a glass of white wine. I watch her closely as she sits at the kitchen table and that's when I notice that she looks tired.

"Sorry mother…" I mutter under my breath. "Really you and your brother really need to watch your mouth. I swear that the first word Elliot's baby is going to say is fuck…"

I just nod my head, because she is right. But then again, my mother is mostly right.

"So, dinner…" I point to the stove.

"Chicken and broccoli casserole. And I gave Gretchen the week off, she is visiting her grandparents…"

"Where is dad?" I take a sip of my wine and watch my mother carefully.

"He is in the library. He spends most of his time there reading or playing some mindless game on his iPad." She says annoyed.

"And you don't like that?"

My mother slowly moves her head. "I told him that he needs to exercise." She sighs and rubs her fingers along her fore head. "That's what the cardiologist told him, but he doesn't want to listen. He stubbornly sit in that damned library…"

"Maybe he is scared?" My mother's eyes flash with annoyance and she shakes her head.

"Are you going to tell me how your dad feels Christian?" She snaps. Wow, she must be really pissed to react this way.

"No, I am not mother." I say equally annoyed. "Just try to place yourself in his shoes. He was doing well and then suddenly his heart stops beating…he goes from working seventy hours a week to nothing. He has diets, exercises…" I stop when I see my mother's eyes filling with tears. "I am just saying that if it would have happened to me, I would be shitting my pants."

"But I am a doctor Christian, he can trust me can't he?"

"You are a doctor mom, but mainly you are his wife. I don't think that dad needs another doctor telling him what to do or what not to do…"

"Well hello lovely people, here is your favorite person!" My brother enters the kitchen via the backdoor, stomps his feet on the floor and saunters to my mother. He ruffles her hair and walks straight to the refrigerator. A tiny smile forms on my mother's lips as she watches Elliot rummaging through the fridge. "Doesn't your wife feed you?" I ask. "Maybe you can ask her to bake you a lovely cake…"

"Fuck you dickhead…" He flips me off and takes a bottle of orange juice. I know he wants to drink straight from the bottle, but one look from my mother has him dutifully getting a glass from the cabinet.

"Elliot Trevelyan Grey, one more cussword from you and well…" My mother is standing now with her hands on her hips.

"Aw mom, but you love me…I am your favorite son…" Elliot wiggles his eyebrows and gives me a sideway glance.

"There are no favorites here in this house. I love you all the same…" My mother says exasperated and sits back down.

"So what are you doing here Elliot?" She says suspiciously.

"Why? Do I need to make an appointment first?"

"Do you really think I am that stupid? This is not a coincidence… "She waves her finger at us and shakes her head. "Your dad is in the library…just go and do what you came here to do…"

"What's for dinner mom…" Elliot asks.

"Chicken and broccoli casserole." My mother replies almost tiredly. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Broccoli? Really mom?" Elliot makes a gagging sound and grins.

"No, I won't stay for dinner. I promised Meghan I would take her out tonight."

* * *

"Hey old man…what's up?" Elliot barges into the library where my dad is sitting in a chair by the window overlooking their perfect landscaped garden. My dad gaze is furrowed when he looks up from the iPad in his hands.

"Elliot, Christian what are you doing here?" He looks at his watch and then back to us. Placing his iPad on the little table next to him he stands up and walks towards us. I am momentarily stunned when my dad hugs both Elliot and me and then motions to the chairs to sit.

"Are the girls all right" He asks now sitting down.

"Yes, everything is fine. We just wanted to check up on you." I say rather bluntly.

"And why is that?" My dad says sharply never tearing his eyes from mine.

"Because dad…" Elliot says shrugging. "You have been acting like a grumpy old man…and really we can't or will tolerate the way you have been treating mom…" Even though Elliot words sounds confident, I know he is not. His left leg is nervously bouncing up and down and he is constantly brushing his hands through his blond hair.

My dad's head snaps to Elliot and he immediately raises his finger to him. His face morphing into that hard, cold lawyer persona.

"Save us the lecture dad." I deadpan and hold my breath when I see my dad's face morph into confusion and sadness. "We are here because we care about you and something is wrong otherwise you wouldn't be treating mom the way you do…" I clear my throat as I see different emotions passing my father's eyes.

I watch my father turn his head towards the window and he just stares. It is obvious that he is fighting a battle in his head and that he isn't sure how to handle it. I don't even know if he is able to open up to us.

When he finally turns his head he looks at both of us. "You want the truth?"

Elliot and I both nod our head and I watch Elliot swallowing. Fuck this is tough.

"I am scared shitless. One moment I was walking towards a door ready to go to sleep and the next moment I wake up in a hospital bed, after having an emergency heart surgery, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me." My dad folds his hand in his lap and continues, but doesn't look at us. His eyes are strained on an invisible spot on the expensive rug in the library. "I had gone from being a healthy person to feeling like the future was all gone."

He leans his head against the chair and closes his eyes. "DO you know what I was thinking when I was walking to that door? I was incredibly happy that I was going to become a grandfather for the first time. Sure, it came as a surprise but that didn't mean that I wasn't thrilled. I could see myself holding that little baby…" My dad's voice croaks and he takes a huge breath of air. "And now…I sometimes wonder if I will ever get to meet this baby…"

"Dad…" Elliot says.

"No Elliot, you came here and now you will have to listen to me. No matter how difficult this is going to be…" My dad brushes his hands through his hair and smiles weakly.

"My family has a history of raised cholesterol and coronary heart disease. My father and grandfather both died after suffering heart attacks. I always knew that heart disease was a possibility due to my family history, but I thought…I just thought that it would happen when I was older. When I found myself getting short of breath, I thought I picked up a cold…I made excuses, but it got worse and worse…I am a stubborn man so I just shoved my worries aside and emerged into work…we all know what happened."

I can see my dad struggling and I don't know what to do. What do I do?

"After the operation, and seeing your mother so distressed…I couldn't handle it. I was unprepared for the anxiety I felt. I was constantly thinking. Will I be able to drive, will I be able to go fishing with my boys, will I be able to do work around the house, will I be able to make love to my wife…" Elliot groans and buries his face in his hands.

"Dad…really…you had to say that?" Elliot shudders and mutters something under his breath. For the first time since we entered the library my dad's face relaxes and a grin spreads over his face.

"We might me older than you are Elliot, but your mother and I always had a healthy sex life…"

Elliot groans louder this time and I just cringe at my dad's words. _Fuck, I don't need to hear this either._

My dad's face turns serious again and he continues. "I have been experiencing nightmares. I regularly wake up feeling panicky and sweaty. During the day, I feel jumpy and I startle at loud noises and to be honest I feel on edge constantly."

"But you told us that the treatment is doing its job." I whisper.

"It is very physical Christian. They focus on measuring your blood pressure, your pulse, urine output, but no asks how you feel. I know that what I am experiencing is normal…you know the other day I was at the hospital waiting to be called in and sitting next to me was this executive. The guy started crying…and he told me that he makes million-dollar decisions every day, but he couldn't handle his heart attack. When I told your mother she told me that we had been through a major trauma and that it was a normal reaction…"

He faces the garden again and takes a few deep breaths. "That just pissed me off…because if that is a normal reaction, we are talking here about a grown man…crying in the middle of a hallway…why the fuck don't they tell us that?" He growls out frustrated.

"You have lost faith in your body, because your body has let you down big time. You nearly died, and you've got to learn to trust your body again." I say and watch my dad nodding his head.

"You are right son, but tell me how do I gain back that trust. Do you know that with every little pain I feel I panic?"

"Have you considered seeking for psychological help? I can ask John Flynn…"

"Your mother mentioned it…it is actually called cardiac rehabilitation. There will be other heart patients who have suffered the same and we get to talk about our fears, particularly in relation to going back to work. I brushed her off…telling her to stop bugging me…"

"Dad…"

"I know…I need to apologize to her. Because I'll be damned if I let this ruin my marriage with the most wonderful woman in the world…besides I am not ready to die just jet. I want to watch Elliot becoming a father…and you too Christian, because you have to keep faith son…" My dad's eyes are now glistening with tears.

"Ana is pregnant…" I blurt out.

"What?" My dad and Elliot say in unison.

"Ana is pregnant…we have known for a little more than a week and this morning I saw my little baby for the first time…" With trembling fingers I pull the sonogram from the inside pocket of my jacket and hand it over to my dad.

"Son, this is fantastic news…does your mother know?" He asks disbelievingly.

"No, Ana and I agreed to keep it to ourselves for a while longer…but I just couldn't … I needed to tell you this dad…"

"Congratulations son…you are going to be a good father…" My dad stands from his chair and pulls me in a hug. He squeezes my shoulder and grins. "I am going to spoil these grandchildren of mine rotten…and just so you know Christian…karma is a bitch son…"

Elliot is still sitting in the chair. Stunned. Speechless. "Lelliot?"

"Fuck man…is Ana all right? And the baby?"

"Yeah, she is ten weeks and she is due around my birthday…" I beam with pride as my brother engulfs me in a bear hug and claps my back firmly.

"Fuck dad, did you hear that? Dickhead is going to be a father!"

My dad is smiling and chuckling. Fuck I hope that Ana won't get mad at me for sharing this with my dad and brother. But seeing the smile on his face is worth Ana's anger or disappointment. But I know she won't get mad. She will understand. _My dad needed this. I needed this._

"So any tips I have to keep in mind in this whole pregnancy thing?" I ask my brother once we are all seated again.

"It is a slippery experience man…" Elliot shakes his head and smiles.

"Look if you are going to get gross I don't need to hear it…" I retort. My eyebrows rise and what for him to explain. _What the fuck does he mean by slippery?_

"No man, if you think PMS is bad…" He shakes his head thoughtfully his blue eyes never leaving mine. "…pregnancy is a whole new level of slippery roads. Pregnancy means raging hormones, cravings, peeing and by that I mean a lot of peeing. The hormones are the worst though…" Elliot says. "Some days she will feel fantastic while some days she will bite your head off as soon as you open your mouth and some days she will break down and cry for no reason at all…oh and when she starts nesting and she asks your opinion about something, you better have one ready or else pretend you do. The best advice I can give you on this is to always have the same opinion as her…you won't win the argument bro…you will never win it…" He adds murmuring.

 _I smile because really how bad can it be. I am supposed to keep my own opinion…right?_

"The cravings…well Meghan eats some weird shit man. And I mean weird. At first Meghan craved oranges…well that doesn't sound bad right?" My dad and I shake our heads. _Oranges are quite healthy._ "You are right the orange part is normal, but my wife dips the orange in mustard sauce…"

"Fuck that gross…"

We sit in silence for a while and at this point I am not even sure if I want to know everything about the 'pregnancy thing'

"Anyway when Ana craves a particular food, you don't react, you don't laugh, and you certainly don't tell her that it's gross. You simply get her the required food. I promise you, it is for everyone's best interest. Another very important detail is not to tell her she is fat. You should never ever under any circumstances mention the fact that she is getting heavy…" Elliot raises his eyebrows. It is like a silent warning. _He probably speaks from experience._

"But what if she asks?" My dad mentions. Good question dad. _Because most likely Ana will ask._

"Then you tell her; baby from behind you, you can't even tell you are pregnant…"

I never thought I would be saying this; but my brother is a fucking genius! But then he raises his finger in the air. He obviously has got something important to share.

"Do not ever be _not excited_. Always _be excited_. Always."

The door from the library open and my mother comes walking in. Her eyes are soft and hesitant when she looks at the three of us. "Everything okay here?"

"Gracie…come here sweetheart…" My dad motions my mother to come closer and I can see that she is momentarily stunned at the way he is acting.

My dad who was still holding the sonogram in his hands gives it to my mother and places his arm around her shoulder. My mom's brow furrow and she looks at Elliot and then at me.

"This isn't Elliot's baby…" She says matter of fact. "Oh my god…oh my god Christian…"

"Yeah mom, you are going to become grandmother twice this year…"

"Oh my god…look at this Carry…look at this…" Tears are streaming down her face as she brushes her finger over the sonogram. "Oh, Christian…" Sobbing she falls into my arms. She is talking and crying and fuck that confuses me. Ana does this too and I don't understand shit of what she is saying. "Calm down mom…"  
"Oh god, we are going to have to remodel another bedroom Carry…we need two extra bedrooms for when our grandchildren stay over…"

"Yes, we do Gracie…"

"How is Ana doing. Are you happy and when is the due date?"

"Ana is fine, we are very, very happy mom and Ana is due around my birthday…" I feel myself chocking up watching my parent's smile.

"It is all going to be fine Gracie…everything is going to turn out just fine…" My dad reassures my mother.

Back in the car I glance to the big guy sitting next to me and I chuckle. Fuck I am happy! I saw my unborn child for the first time, I heart her strong heartbeat. I saw my wife cry happy tears… I can truly say that today was one of the happiest days of my life.


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 31 – Ella**

 **APOV**

With a content smile on my face I glance at the huge teddy bear that Christian bought for me a few days ago. The bear is soft and huge. It is typically Christian to buy the biggest bear available at the store. Immediately my fingers move to the charm on my bracelet. The gesture was incredibly sweet and also typically Christian. Unconsciously my hand wanders to my belly and gently I pat it a few times. "Good morning little blip…" I whisper and with a goofy grin on my face make my way downstairs to the kitchen.

"Good morning Ana." Gail greets me from the kitchen as she places a plate of pancakes in front of me. "Can I get you some cut fruit too?" She asks smiling.

"Thank you Gail that would be lovely."

"At what time did Christian leave?" I ask taking a bite of the fluffy pancakes coated in syrup _. God these are good._

"At seven this morning." I nod my head and glance at my watch. It is nine already and I only remember Christian whispering in my ear that he was leaving. I tried to convince him to have sleepy sex, but he must had been in a hurry since he declined. The last thing I remember is that he kissed my belly before leaving for work.

While I eat breakfast and enjoy a cup of tea I listen to Gail telling me about the time she spend at her sister this past weekend and about Sophie, Taylors daughter.

"I will be leaving for the store shortly. Is there something you need?"

"Uhm…well actually…I would really like that Ben & Jerry ice-cream frozen yoghurt with brownies and chocolate chips and cookie dough…and well I also like the one with the peanut butter." I pause briefly to look at her and Gail just smiles and nods her head. "Oh Toasted Hazelnut Whole Wheat Scones with Maple Glaze they sell them at that little bakery just around the corner?" I nibble on the crispy bacon and slowly turn my eyes to Gail.

"Anything else?" She asks kindly. I feel the blush spreading all over my body. _Shit. Am I eating too much?_

"You know what Ana, if you think about anything else you can call me or text me. I always carry my phone with me." Gail gives me another one of her kind smiles and pulls her phone from the front of her apron.

"Thank you Gail."

Gail has been gone for a while and I really enjoy this time by myself. Even though Sawyer and Reynolds are both working on god-knows-what in the security office it feels like they aren't even here.

* * *

Sighing I place the manuscript I was reading beside me on the couch and stare at the clouded Seattle sky. My head has been all over the place the past couple of days, and the most disturbing thought is that I have been thinking about my mother a lot lately. What is she doing? Is she doing all right? Does she miss me? What would her reaction be about my pregnancy? Deep in my heart I know that my mother doesn't miss me and that she doesn't care whether I am pregnant or not. She probably sees this baby as an inconvenience. I think Nana will be over the moon. Christian doesn't know it yet, but I invited everyone to celebrate Thanksgiving with us in Aspen. With Gail's help I contacted Carmella. She was delighted. I couldn't find it in my heart to whisk Christian away for Thanksgiving, knowing that it would break his mother's and Nana's heart.

My mind wanders to Christian's biological mother Ella. What drove her to take that path? Was she so desperate, didn't she have any other options? Didn't she have anybody who could help her? And what about Christian's biological father? Was it really Ella's pimp like Christian assumes? Somehow I don't think it is.

I guess there is only one way to find out. Hopefully the adoption papers or even her journals can give me a little more information about Christian's past.

Five minutes I have been sitting on my knees in front of the closed chest. It is beautifully carved and painted in a lovely light blue color. I brush my fingertips over the notched letters on opposite sides of the chest. It is now that I notice that there is also the letter C carved alongside the letter E. My trembling hands slide towards the lock. I only need to jangle it a couple of times and it pops open. Taking a huge breath I open the chest. Here we go.

Bending forward slightly I am able to look into the half full chest. The contents are covered with a white sheet.

A few minutes later, I look around at the things I obtained from the chest after I took them out one by one. There is a beautiful crocheted gray and white baby blanket. I brush my fingers against the delicate material. It is obvious that this was handmade and someone put a lot of effort and love when making this. Next there are four little cars, they look extremely old and I smile when I see that they are all Volkswagen. Did Christian play with these when he was little? My eyes fall on a one piece light blue cable knit. It is absolutely beautiful. There are more clothes and even the smallest, cutest woolen booties I have ever seen. There is also a small wooden box that looks similar to the big one, however the small box has less details.

Taking another deep breath I look cautiously at what seems like a photo album. The cover is made from leather and again, like the clothes that were in the chest, it looks expensive.

Next to the photo album there is what I believe are Ella's diaries. They are also leather, except for the one at the bottom. The one at the bottom looks like a cheap notebook, which is available in every common store.

My heart is pounding against my chest when I reach for the diaries. It feels like am doing something wrong. I am about to read what she was thinking and feeling. I can't help but think off Christian as a little boy with those amazing eyes and the sad look on his face. _Please let the memories, thoughts and feelings written in these journals be good ones. Please…_

The first thing I notice is that the handwriting is simply beautiful.

 _April 3. 1981_

 _Today is my sixteenth birthday. I can't wait for my party. Daddy made sure that everything was perfect. All my friends are invited and mom promised to bake me her chocolate cake. Chocolate cake is my favorite. I can't wait to put on my new dress. I love the color._

 _April 16, 1981_

 _My teacher told me today that I can_ _participate in_ _the American Mathematics Competition._ _I'm so happy._ _I just hope I can convince daddy to let me go. The contest is held in New York this year. The contests are given on two dates, about two weeks apart. I am so excited!_

 _April 27, 1981_

 _I am so happy! Tomorrow I am flying with three other students to New York! My dad gave me permission, but I had to promise to behave._ _He has already_ _spoken_ _twice_ _with my teacher,_ _Ms._ _Sophie about the trip to New York._ _He is such a_ _control freak. However,_ _I hope I win the award 'Certificate of Achievement'_

 _This achievement is given to high scoring students who are in 12th grade or below._

 _April 29, 1981_

 _I just finished the first test. I was extremely nervous. But I think I did well. I hope I win the award._

 _I also met a boy at the contest. His name is Collin Alexander. He is so incredible handsome. He has blue eyes and coper colored hair and he is extremely tall and strong. And when he smiles…oooh when he smiles. We talked a lot. Collin says he wants to study very hard to start his own business._

 _May 15. 1981_

 _I Won! I won the contest! I am extremely happy! I sneaked out with Collin after the ceremony. We walked through the streets of New York and we even went to Central Park where we just sat on a bench and talked most of the time. Collin lives in Detroit too but goes to another school. I was sad to leave New York because I don't know when I will be seeing Collin again. Before we left Collin told me that he liked me and that he couldn't wait to see me again. The feeling is mutual of course, but I just felt myself blush. He then kissed my fore head. It was the sweetest thing ever!_

 _May 30, 1981_

 _Today Collin was waiting outside the school. He looked so handsome in his Levi's and gray t-shirt. He first took me home and asked my mom if he could take me out to have ice-cream. I think my mom likes him. I was glad that dad wasn't home, because I am pretty sure that he wouldn't have allowed me to go out alone with Collin. Spending time with Collin is simply amazing. We even shared an ice-cream._

 _June 1, 1981_

 _Finally summer break. Collin and I have been spending a lot of time together. He comes over to my house when he finishes with his job at a little hardware store. He says he is saving to buy a car._

 _Collin also kissed me today for the first time. This was my first kiss ever. When I brush my fingers along my lips I can still feel it tingle._

 _June 15, 1981_

 _Collin took me to his house today where he lives with his grandmother. Collin's parents unfortunately died two years ago in a car accident, when Collin was only sixteen years old. Mrs. Alexander is the sweetest woman I have ever met. According to Collin she makes the best Mac & Cheese. I think Mac & Cheese has become my favorite food now too. _

_June 18, 1981_

 _I think this is the best summer ever. Collin has asked me today, officially if I want to become his girlfriend. I am so happy that I haven't stopped smiling the entire day. Collin tells me every day how beautiful he thinks I am. He especially loves my gray eyes._

 _I never saw myself as beautiful. With my brown hair and pale skin I think I am just an ordinary girl. But Collin says I am extraordinary in every way. I think I am in love with Collin Alexander._

I smile through my tears and skim the pages of the diary with my fingers. From what I have read so far Ella was an only child. She clearly loves her mother, but keeps repeating how controlling her father is. It is also irrevocably clear that she was head of heels in love with Collin. There are a lot more of journal entries. She mostly writes about Collin and how she loves to bake cakes with her mother. Her best friends name is Amanda, however she never mentions her much.

Closing the diary I reach out for the next one. This one starts at April 1982. I gasp when I quickly do the math. It was probably a few months before Ella got pregnant with Christian.

 _March 1, 1982_

 _I got in a huge fight with my dad today. He insists that I go to Harvard, but I don't want to go. I don't want to live in Boston while Collin is attending Detroit University. My dad wants me to have the best education, but I just want to be close to Collin. I already explained to my dad why Collin feels the need to stay in Detroit. He wants to stay close to his grandmother, since she is all he has. My dad thinks I applied to Harvard, but I didn't. I only applied to Detroit University and that's where I am going to go. There is no one who can change my mind about that. Collin keeps telling me to go to Harvard we even got into our first huge fight._

 _May 9, 1982_

 _I finally received my high-school diploma today. Even though it should have been a joyful day it wasn't. My dad refused to come to the graduation ceremony. Of course my mom didn't join me either. She cried and cried but told me that she just couldn't go against my father's wishes. Christian and his grandmother came and then we went to Christian's house were his grandmother had baked me my favorite dessert. Chocolate cake. When I got home I went straight to my bedroom. What kind of parents don't go to their only child's graduation ceremony?_

 _May 15, 1982_

 _My dad got extremely mad today when he found out that I never applied to Harvard. I don't think I have seen him this mad before. He yelled at me that I was throwing my life away because of Collin. My mother doesn't react to his stupid temper tantrums. She just stares from me to my dad. After my dad left after dinner she pleaded with me to please listen to him. But like I said before. I already made up my mind._

 _June 30, 1982_

 _Collin finally had saved enough money to buy a car. He is so proud! I don't even remember how it is called…something French I think. The car is blue and today he took me and his grandmother out for a drive. When Collin showed my dad his car, my dad simply told him that he couldn't understand how he could drive such a deathtrap. Collin was clearly disappointed even though he didn't show it when my dad was present. Later he told me that he was sorry that my dad didn't like him. I think that Collin misses his parents. I just wish my dad would take the time to get to know Collin._

 _August, 5 1982_

 _I am nervous. Very nervous. Collin's grandmother is visiting her sister in New York. She is returning Sunday afternoon giving Collin and I two days and one night by ourselves. I told my mom that I was spending the night with my best friend Amanda. My mother agreed reluctantly. I simply can't wait to spend the night with Collin. I just hope that my parents never find out that I lied to them._

 _August 7, 1982_

 _This weekend Collin made love to me for the first time. Collin first took me to the_ _Detroit Institute of Arts,_ _which_ _is one of the most significant museums in the United States. We have been on a lot of dates, but this was by far the most romantic one. Collin hold my hand the entire time. When we returned to his house we made love under his duvet as the sun shone in his bedroom window. Collin was gentle. He was kind and warm. Collin is the best boyfriend ever. I feel safe with him and I hope he is my forever. This was kind of special since it was Collin's first time too._

 _August 30, 1982_

 _At home, the_ _situation is becoming unbearable._ _My parents_ _found out that_ _I lied to_ _them over_ _the_ _weekend_ _I had_ _spent at_ _Collin_ _._ _My father_ _called me a_ _whore_ _._ _My mother did_ _nothing but_ _cry,_ _and she_ _kept repeating_ _..._ _how could you_ _do this to us. When my father started calling me names again I yelled at them that I hated them. My father then slapped my face. I don't know what I am going to do. Collin is going to be so mad at my parents._

 _October 2, 1982_

 _It has been approximately two months that my dad hasn't spoken to me. I heard him tell my mother that as long as I keep hanging out with Collin and I keep wasting my life he is going to ignore me. What kind of father does that? He says he is doing it for me, until I finally come to my senses. I know that is not the case. My father is still angry because I didn't go to Harvard. But that was just not something I wanted. Why can't he accept Collin? Why isn't he proud of me?_

 _October 12, 1982_

 _I am so nervous. I just found out that I haven't had my period. I am late…and not a few days but actually a few weeks. At first I didn't give it a lot of thought. I read once that stress can be the cause of a late period. I need to tell Collin. I will have to wait until tomorrow since he had to take his grandmother shopping._

 _October 14, 1982_

 _I don't think I have ever cried so much in my entire life. When I finally found the courage to tell Collin that I had missed my period he immediately took me to the drugstore where he bought a pregnancy test. Collin freaked out just a little bit, but he kept reassuring me that everything will turn out just fine. The test was positive. We just sat in the bathroom staring at the little test. Our worlds have been turned upside down. I am so scared. However one thing I know for sure…I will keep this baby. This was somehow meant to be._

 _October 15, 1982_

 _My dad kicked me out of the house when Collin and I told my parents that we were pregnant. Collin told my father that he was the worst father he had ever seen and that from now on he was going to take care of me and our baby. My mom just sat in the kitchen crying. Not once did she look at me. Why can't she be happy for me? We are scared but when the initial shock wore off Collin and I are actually happy. We can't wait to meet our little baby._

 _November 15, 1982_

 _I have been living with Collin and his grandmother for the past month. I never heard anything from my parents since I left that day in October. Collin's grandmother is the sweetest woman I know. She is caring and gentle and has a great sense of humor. I never went back to school, simply because we can't afford it. Collin is still attending classes and he still works in that little hardware store. He wants to contribute and he says that everything needs to be perfect for our child. I started working at a small coffee shop last week. Collin was a little angry at first. He says that he wants to take care of us. When I explained that I couldn't sit at home all day doing nothing while he was studying and working he reluctantly conceded._

 _November 20, 1982_

 _I went to the OB/GYN today and we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. According to the doctor I am approximately ten weeks pregnant. Collin and I cried when we heard the heartbeat. It was so strong and fast. It was amazing. I can't wait to meet our little baby. Collin and I have been talking a lot about our baby. When I asked him if he wanted a boy or a girl he thought long before answering me. Then he told me; "as long as he or she is healthy." I however hope that we are getting a little boy who looks just like Collin with his wavy copper colored hair and his amazing blue eyes._

 _December 23, 1982_

 _I went to see my mother today after my shift at the coffee shop. She let me in but only because my father wasn't there. When I asked her if she wanted to feel my belly she just shook her head while the tears were falling from her eyes. I begged her to talk to dad, because I miss my parents. I want my child to know his grandparents. She said it was too late. And even though I love Collin to death and I love his grandmother I miss my parents. I feel alone and heartbroken. How can they treat me like this? I vow to myself not to let my child down ever, but to be the best mother._

 _January 5, 1983_

 _Collin and I have found our own pattern. Currently it is just the two of us in this gigantic house. Collin's grandmother is spending a few weeks in New York with her sister who is unfortunately very ill. We seem like a married couple. Since I only work morning shifts I have enough time to cook for us. I am not very good at it, but Collin's grandmother has a recipe book that has been in the family for ages. When we finish dinner, we do the dishes together and when Collin doesn't need to study or work we spend our evenings talking about our future. Collin can't wait to finish University so he can start his own business. He says he wants to be able to give us everything. He doesn't want us to be poor. He doesn't want me to work. He wants that as soon as the baby is born I stay at home to take care of the baby. I don't share his passion for wealth, but maybe that is because Collin needed to work so hard for everything. I know what wealth can do to people. Look at my parents._

 _Like I said. I don't care about money or stuff. As long as I have Collin I am happy._

When I close the diary a few photographs slip out. I gasp and bring my hand to my mouth when I see a young man in the picture. Even though Christian's hair is darker it is clear that Collin is Christian's father. The resemblance is clear. The strong jaw, their nose, but certainly the shape of their lips. I smile when I look at the young man in the picture. From what I read in Ella's journal, Collin was responsible, sweet and considerate. He was also very protective about Ella and their child. _Just like Christian._ The other picture is of Ella. On the back is written "Ella 17 years old." She looks so young and I have to admit that she looks rather sad in this picture.

What was her father thinking when he kicked his only daughter out? And her mother? What the hell was wrong with that woman? I just can't imagine to turn my back on my child. Never. And I'm sure Christian wouldn't do it either. The last picture is of Collin and Ella together. So young and already they had to face a huge challenge. They were also brave and determined to make the best of the situation. This is a lovely picture. Collin has his arm draped around Ella's shoulder and they are looking lovingly into each other's eyes. _Oh Collin, what happened to you?_

When I hear my stomach rumbling I stare horrified at the clock on the nightstand. I have spent three hours reading. I leave the diaries on the floor and decide to make my way to the kitchen to prepare myself something to eat. I still have a few hours until Christian comes back. From what he told me yesterday his day was scheduled full with meetings and since we are leaving for Aspen in a few days he wants to finish as much work as possible, so that he won't have to work while we are spending Thanksgiving in Aspen.

I giggle when I open the refrigerator and find a covered plate with a note on top. The note reads: "Bon appetite"

Oh, Gail prepared me a Tuna salad sandwich. God, her tuna sandwiches are really the best. The freshly cooked tuna, with the cottage cheese, mayonnaise, red onion, celery, capers, lemon, parsley and dill are the perfect combination. With my thoughts still at those diaries I send my husband a quick text telling him that i

Back in the guestroom I sit back near the chest. I hesitate before opening the journal. There are still two left.

 _June 20, 1983_

 _Two days ago our son was born. Christian Alexander. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen._

 _Christian_ _is a_ _happy_ _baby_ _who only cries_ _when he_ _has_ _a dirty diaper_ _or when he_ _is hungry._ _He was born_ _with_ _a_ _mop of dark_ _hair_ _with some_ _copper color accents. Collin never left my side during the birth. He was constantly telling me that I was doing a great job, holding my hand and softly rubbing his fingers along my knuckles. Collin cried happy tears when he held Christian for the first time. We named him Christian after Collin's father._

 _July, 18 1983_

 _Christian is exactly one month old and he is doing great. He eats and sleeps and from what I can see he is a content little baby. His eyes are the most beautiful gray color I have ever seen. Collin spends a lot of time with our son whenever he has a spare moment. He sits with me when I breastfeed him and tells him all kind of silly stories._

 _August, 20 1983_

 _My mother stopped by today. She was crying_ _ceaselessly._ _She brought me a handmade blanket. The colors are beautiful and it is delicate. She didn't want to hold Christian, but when she saw him she said that he is the most beautiful baby she had ever seen. Before she left she kissed his forehead and skimmed her fingers along his chubby cheek._

 _September, 10 1983_

 _My mother stopped by a few more times. I don't think that my dad knows because she acts nervous and fidgety. Most of the times she brings a handmade present. This time she brought woolen booties. She still hasn't hold him. I don't understand how she can resist him. Christian has been awake every time she has stopped by and every time she is awarded by his smiles and coos. It breaks my heart to see my mother struggling and it breaks my heart to see that my son's affections aren't reciprocated. My mother just smiles weakly and kisses his fore head._

 _November 10, 1983_

 _Collin took me to_ _the_ _Detroit Institute of Arts and he proposed to me. The ring he slid on my finger is the most beautiful piece of jewelry I have ever seen before. Since Christian was born this was the first time Collin and I spent time alone. Collin had been acting nervous lately and I just assumed that it was due to his school work. Later he told me that he was planning the proposal for several weeks and that he wanted everything to be perfect. When we were standing in the main hall he went down on one knee and took my hand in his. "Ella since the first moment I saw you, I know we were meant for each other. You and Christian are the best things that have happened to me. Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?"_

 _I don't think I could have fallen more in love with him. We are planning to get married as soon as Collin graduates._

 _January 17, 1984_

 _Life is perfect. Even though I started working again at the coffee shop and I miss Christian incredibly, things are finally falling back into place. My mother hasn't visited in a few months and I would be lying if I said I am not disappointed. A part of me was secretly hoping for everything to turn out fine. I was hoping that my dad would join her in one of her visits. Christian is the most adorable seven months old baby ever. He hardly cries. We recently found out that he loves classical music. Every time Collin's grandmother puts on one of her favorite pieces he goes silent and just listens._

 _June 18, 1984_

 _Christian is one year old! Collin's grandmother arranged for a photographer and he made the most amazing pictures of our baby boy. Christian is a happy as long as his tummy is full. He loves to play with his cars and he absolutely adores it when we read him a bedtime story._ _It's wonderful_ _to watch him concentrate when he is doing a puzzle or when he is simply listening to someone speak, and a small_ _wrinkle emerges on his little forehead. At a moment like that, he is the spitting image of his father_. _I don't think I could be happier than I am right now. My life is perfect._

 _January 17, 1985_

 _Five days ago Collin's grandmother passed away in her sleep. We had a simple burial, just like she wanted it. Unfortunately we are forced to move out of this lovely house because we simply can't afford it. Collin is heartbroken and I notice that he seeks comfort in our son. He spends even more time with him that he normally does. This is the last week we are spending here. Collin arranged for a little two bedroom apartment on the other side of Detroit. Collin keeps apologizing about the fact that he can't offer us any more than a little apartment at this moment, he even entertained the idea to drop out of college and find a job. I was able to talk him out of it. It is only for one more year. I am sure we can manage as long as we have each other._

I close the journal since this was the last entry and look at the pictures of little Christian. Ella was absolutely right. Christian was a cute baby. He was happy. Collin and Ella really loved him dearly.

Hesitantly I reach for the last diary and start reading.

 _April 15, 1985_

 _The last year has been extremely tough. After we moved to the small apartment I immediately started searching for another job. Since I already have experience as a waitress it wasn't difficult to find a job at the little coffee shop just around the corner. I am now working double shifts so that Collin can concentrate in studying for his final exams. We found a fantastic babysitter in our eighteen-year-old neighbor. Her name is Madeline and Christian loves spending time with her._

 _So while_ _Collin_ _is s_ _tudying_ _for his_ _final exams_ _,_ _I work_ _as much as possible_ _._ _Two more_ _weeks_ _we keep telling ourselves and Collin will finally graduate._ _He has_ _been offered a paid internship_ _in one of_ _the_ _largest companies_ _in_ _Detroit_ _._ _Collin_ _keeps saying_ _that soon he_ _can_ _gives_ _us_ _what we_ _deserve._ _A house with_ _a garden where_ _Christian_ _can play_ _and_ _maybe we can_ _even_ _start thinking about_ _a sibling_ _for_ _Christian_ _._

 _July 10, 1985_

 _I am sure that with his two years of age Christian doesn't understand what happened five days ago, but he somehow has to feel that things have changed irrevocably. Things will never be the same. Five days ago Collin came home from work with the silliest grin on his face. He was happy, he wanted to celebrate. There was nothing to celebrate in particular but he felt that he finally had some control again. Things were finally falling back into place. He told me that he was going to the bakery to get us the cake we loved so much. He would be back in half an hour. Collin never came back though._ _Five hours_ _after he left_ _the_ _police_ _came to the door_ _._ _Collin_ _had been the victim_ _of_ _a robbery._ _I will_ _never hear_ _his voice again_ _or_ _the sweet words_ _he_ _murmured_ _in my ear_ _when we_ _were making love_ _. I will never see his beautiful blue eyes again and he will_ _never again_ _call_ _Christian_ _"buddy"_ _and_ _throw_ _him_ _high in the air_ _just to hear his son laughter. Christian will never meet his father._

 _White flowers and drizzling rain. White flowers and Christian's cries is all that I remember from the day I had to bury the love of my life. Collin Alexander._

 _September 10, 1985_

 _I don't know what to do anymore. Shortly after Collin's death the manager of the coffee shop let me go. He said it was because the decreasing of clientele, but I know better. I have not been myself since Collin's death. It feels like an am walking a thin line and I am ready to fall in to this dark unknown place. But I know I have to be strong. I have to be strong for Christian. The days are endless and dark, and the only thing that keeps me afloat is my beautiful baby boy. My heart breaks every time Christian looks at me with those solemn eyes and he places his little hands on my cheeks. He then cocks his face to one side and says; 'mommy smile?'_

 _October 5, 1985_

 _Realizing that I couldn't go on like this anymore I gathered all my courage and asked my downstairs neighbor to drive me to my parent's house. Once there, a strange woman opened the door. My parents had died six months ago. My father died from a heart attack and my mother overdosed when she took a handful of pills. The same night I found myself back in the apartment. I am alone. I am completely alone. In a matter of months I have lost my entire family. With only ten dollars left I have no idea what to do. After crying the entire night I decided that I need to look for a job. I owe it to my son. He deserves the best._

 _December 24, 1985_

 _Never in my life had I expected to be living in a filthy apartment in the worst side of Detroit. I should have never believed him. But how could I not? I had no money, no food and my landlord had kicked me out. I was walking with Christian down the filthy Detroit streets. Christian's little hand tightly holding on to mine. I constantly tell him not to walk away and not to talk to strangers. He always shakes his head and gives me his beautiful smile. While I was searching for something to eat, he was standing there leaning against a wall smoking. He looked at me and then at Christian…and then he offered me something to eat. I should have never accepted the food. But I knew that Christian was hungry. Accepting food from that man is probably the biggest mistake I have ever made…_

 _March 23, 1986_

 _The only thing that I do lately is cry. I have never cried so much in my entire life. I knew that I had made a mistake but it is too late to walk away. I own him money he says, but the truth is that he owns me money. I will never tell him that again, because the first time that I told him he hit me hard in my face and told me to suck it up. And if I don't do what he says, he is going to hurt Christian._

 _My poor Christian. I am so sorry son…please don't hate me…_

 _June 18, 1986_

 _It is Christian's third birthday today. With the little money I had I managed to bake him his favorite cake. A chocolate cake. We laughed and giggled as we baked the cake and then Christian just sat in front of the oven watching the cake slowly baking. I also bought him four little cars. I will never forget the smile on his face or the way his gray eyes lit up when I gave him the little package._

 _January 19, 1987_

 _I still can hear his cries. His terrifying cries pierced through my body. I told him to hide. I told Christian to hide in the cabinet when Eric would come by. I hate myself. I hate the fact that I can't help my baby. I tried to escape ones and he made me pay for it. He made me watch while he used my beautiful baby boy as his astray. His little arms reaching out for me, his tearstained face…I am sorry Christian. Mommy no…mommy no…Christian was crying for me and there was nothing I could do…please don't hate me…_

 _March 21, 1987_

 _I just want to sleep. I want to sleep and never wake up again. But I have to take care of Christian. I can hear him crying and trying to wake me, but my eyes just won't open anymore._

 _I love you Christian._

I grip the journal and push it against my chest and cry. As I reach for my phone with trembling fingers sealed envelope falls on the floor. There is only one word written on the front. Christian.

While the tears are sliding down my face I look at the white envelope in my hands. What do I do? Do I read this? It seems like a letter to Christian. This is Ella's handwriting. Sobbing I open the envelope and my cries intensify when I realize that this is a goodbye letter from Ella to Christian.

 _Detroit, July 5 1987_

 _Dear Christian,_

 _When you read this I am probably long gone. It is incredibly difficult to write this, because I need to stop constantly to wipe the tears from my face. As I am writing you this letter you are playing next to me on the floor with your red car. I believe that the red car is your favorite. Occasionally you look at me with questioning eyes, however your eyes don't have that beautiful shine anymore, you are in pain and that is my fault. I couldn't give you what a mother should give her son. You have to believe me that this isn't what I wanted for you. However I have reached a dead end. I can't do this anymore._

 _I really tried, I tried to make your father proud. But I have failed. I see no other way out._

 _There are some things I want to tell you, to help you along the way._

 _Always be a man. Stand up for what's right. Be honest. When you grow up, you will learn that not everything and everyone in this world is kind. I had to find that out the hard way. Please be kind my dearest Christian._

 _Never be embarrassed to apologize. If you are in the wrong, swallow your pride, admit your fault and apologize. Learn from your mistakes and do better next time. Forgive. This is better said than done but life is going to be a whole lot harder if you let hate and anger reside in your heart._

 _The world does not revolve around you. Celebration is more meaningful when shared with others._

 _Know when to stand your ground and when to turn away. Choose your battles wisely. Some of them are not going to be worth your time, while some needs to be taken to heart. Always decide with a sound mind._

 _Marry the right woman and love her with everything you have in you. Respect her and tell her every day how wonderful she is. Tell her every day how much you love her. Just like your father did with me. Never hit a woman. A man who hits a woman is the weakest of all weakling._

 _Stay compassionate and never lose that kind heart. Face the problems in your life with a positive outlook._

 _Christian, please remember that I love you more than anything in this whole world and even if I am not with you, you are always and forever in my heart and mind. You are the most beautiful thing I keep inside my heart._

 _I know I hurt you and I failed to protect you, and even though I know I am being selfish in asking you this, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me._

 _I love you,_

 _Your mother_

 _Ella Jordan_


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 32 - Turmoil**

 **CPOV**

"What the fuck is taking so long Taylor?" I grunt from the back seat. I look at my watch and see that it is only four in the afternoon. I was able to wrap up the meetings sooner than I expected. Without having to give it another thought I closed my laptop and decided to go home to my wife. We had planned to pack our bags this evening for our flight to Aspen in two days. Amazing though that the thought of packing my bags gives me a feeling of giddiness. I can't wait to show her the house. I hope she likes it.

Scrolling through my phone I see that I missed one of Ana's text. _I love you._ It was probably when I was in the third horrendous meeting and my phone was charging at Andrea's desk.

Since we are going to be stuck in this car for a while longer I decide that I can't wait any longer and call my wife. Just to hear her voice and tell her that I can't wait to spent Thanksgiving with her. _Alone._

"Christian?" Oh fuck. Her voice sounds so sad. And it seems as if she is crying.

"Ana, what is wrong? Are you crying?"

She doesn't reply but instead I hear her sobbing into the phone. Panic. Pure panic is taking control of my body while there are all horrible scenarios playing around in my head. _Please don't let it be the baby…please don't let her be hurt._

"I don't fucking care how we get home as long as we get there as soon as possible" I bark to Taylor who is now looking concerned in the rearview mirror.

"Ana talk to me baby. Please, is there something wrong with the baby?"

"No…" She isn't able to speak much since she starts crying again.

"Are you okay Ana?"

"Yes…no…I don't know…please hurry home okay?"

"Don't hang up baby…please stay on the phone with me okay?"

"Okay…" She sobs. I hear some rustling in the background. Then I hear her taking a few deep breaths and she starts talking incoherently.

I can only make out a few words. Collin, father…guestroom…so sad. "Ana baby, you aren't making any sense…please calm down for me okay?" _And who the fuck is Collin?_

I don't know how Taylor does it but suddenly we start moving again and before I know it I am punching the code into the elevator panel at Escala.

Gail looks startled as I run into the kitchen. "Where is Ana?" I bark.

"Guestroom Sir…is everything all right?" I don't respond. I need to get to Ana. I don't know what I expected to find, but when I open the door to the guestroom the first thing I notice is Ana crying clutching the phone against her chest. In her other hand she is holding something that looks like a letter.

"What is wrong Ana, please baby you are scaring the fuck out of me?" I grab her shoulders and shake her gently. Then my hands go to her face. I force her to look at me and it breaks my heart to see her upset over something. Her face crumbles again and then she throws her hands around my neck.

"She…she loved you…she loved you so…so much Christian…" Ana is sobbing while her face is buried in my neck. "Your…your dad was truly…was truly an amazing man Christian…"

"Ana please calm down okay?" I feel her nodding against my neck. I shift and take her on to my lap and start softly stroking her back. With my other hand I clean her face that is completely tearstained and wait until she is ready to tell me what has her this upset.

But then my eyes land on several photographs that are strewn across the floor. I feel myself tense and my hand that was just stroking Ana's back freezes. Fuck…fuck…fuck…she just read the journals.

As if Ana senses my sudden fear she shifts in my lap and straddles me. Her hands go to my face and this time it is her who is forcing me to look at her.

"Look at me Christian…" She sniffs. "Please look at me…" I do, reluctantly, because I don't know if I can bear to hear what she just discovered. I don't know if I can take the rejection. Ana is probably this upset because she just found out that Ella didn't love me. That she didn't want me. There is no other explanation. Why would she otherwise be so upset?

"I have read your mothers…Ella's diaries…" She swallows a few times and I see that she is trying to compose herself.

"Christian…your dad…they were so young when they met…and they were irrevocably in love. They loved you so much…" I feel Ana's thumbs caressing my face while she keeps staring into my eyes.

I can't form any words. I don't understand what she is saying. I just shake my head and try to get up.

"Christian…please don't leave. Please just listen to me okay?"

"What are you saying Ana?" My voice sounds hoarse and almost alien to my own ears. My hands are gripping my hair and even if I am feeling the pain I can't seem to let go. That until I feel my wife's hand gently tugging them from my hair.

"I understand that this is a lot to take in…but will you please listen to me?" She smiles sadly and searches my face for a reaction. My throat feels dry and since I don't trust myself to speak I just nod.

 **APOV**

I have managed to get Christian to sit on the bed. His eyes are looking at the floor. The photographs, the diaries are all lying on the floor. Even the clothes and the blanket.

I can't even imagine what there must be going through his head right now. Christian had convinced himself that he was never loved. That he was a bastard child. That his mother left him because she didn't love him. He has been having these thoughts and the feeling of unworthiness for over twenty five years. How do you change that?

"Can you please look at me Christian?" My voice is barely above a whisper and I don't even know if he has heard me. But then he turns his head, his sad gray eyes just watching me. His face is ashen and he looks as if he can break down any second.

"I read the journals…" I clear my throat and try to gauge his reaction. There isn't one. He just keeps staring at me. But this is Christian, so he probably thinks the worst of it. He probably thinks that everything he thought while growing up and until this point, that is was true.

"Ella…she met your biological father when she was still in high-school. I still haven't read all her entries, but to give you an idea… They fell in love and when your mother…when Ella got pregnant with you, they were surprised at first and scared, but you were very, very welcome Christian. They loved you from the moment they knew they were pregnant…"

Christian doesn't say anything for the longest time and at this point I don't even know if he wants me to continue. "Do you want me to continue?" I brush my hand along his stubbles and gently kiss the tip of his nose.

"I was a mistake." It isn't a question it is a statement. Isn't he hearing anything I am saying?

"No, you weren't a mistake. Your parents were dating for a while when they found out about you. It wasn't a crush or something like that. They were deeply and madly in love with each other Christian."

He nods his head and then his eyes go back to the diaries on the floor.

"When your mother got pregnant…"

"Don't call her that…" He snaps. "I have only one mother and her name is Grace Trevelyan Grey. She deserves to be called a mother. Ella was a crack-whore Ana!"

"Please don't call her that."

"Then don't call her my mother. She lost the right when she took an overdose baby. She left me alone with her dead fucking body. I couldn't wake her Ana! I didn't understand why she wouldn't wake up…" Christian's voice is filled with venom and I don't know if it would be wise to continue our conversation. Maybe he should read the diaries himself. Maybe I should have called Doctor Flynn. But I somehow need to make him understand that he was loved. Really loved.

"I'm sorry. I won't call her that anymore. Do you want me to continue Christian or do you want to read it for yourself?"

Christian shakes his head no and shifts on the bed as if the journals are carrying some kind of disease. Suddenly he moves. He wraps his arm around my neck and pushes me against his chest. "I'm sorry I snapped at you…" He starts kissing the top of my head again and again. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

"It is okay Christian. I understand. It is really okay…" His body is shaking and I don't know if it is from anger or fear. I think the latter though.

I don't know how long we sit like this. It feels like an eternity because even my back is starting to hurt from the strange angle I am sitting. But every time I try to move, Christian's hold on me tightens. He isn't ready to let me go. "Why don't we lay down for a while?" I suggest.

I feel him nodding and without releasing me he shifts until we are both laying on the bed.

"Tell me more…" Christian whispers.

"The name of your biological parents was Collin Alexander and Ella Jordan. Collin's parents died when he was sixteen years old. He lived with his grandmother. Collin was an only child. From what Ella wrote in her journals he was tall, handsome and he had wavy copper colored hair. He was studious, intelligent and very caring. Ella was also an only child and from what I read she was smart, sweet and responsible." I wait a moment to gather my thoughts. Christian is playing with my hair while his eyes are locked with mine.

"More…" He whispers again.

Gathering all the strength I can muster I tell him everything. From the moment they met, until the police came telling Ella that Collin had died.

Christian hasn't interrupted me once. His heart is beating furiously against his chest. He has one arm wrapped around my shoulders and the other hand is laying protectively over my stomach. Every now and then he gently starts stroking my belly.

"Then what happened?"

"Then she met the pimp." I sigh. "She was at the wrong place in the wrong time Christian. She didn't have any money left. She had just found out that her parents had died. She had nowhere to go. He…she calls him Eric…he offered her food." I close my eyes briefly and when I open them Christian has tears in his eyes. "He took advantage of her Christian. She grew up very protected. First by her parents and then by Collin and his grandmother."

Christian goes silent again. Probably processing everything I have told him.

"How do you feel?" I move so that I can look at him and skim my finger along his lips. His eyes meet mine for a few seconds and then he shrugs. "Confused…angry, sad…I don't know Ana…"

I cannot even begin to imagine how he must be feeling right now. Everything he thought was based on assumptions.

"She left you a letter."

"Did you read it?"

"Yes, yes I did. I hope you don't mind."

"No I don't. What does it say?"

"Why don't you read it yourself?" Stepping down from the bed I get the letter from the floor and hand it to Christian. He stares at the letter for the longest and shakes his head. His eyes are wide with fear. Christian moves until he is staring at the ceiling. "I can't read that right now…" He whispers.

Since I can't bear to watch the pain and uncertainty on my husband's face, I put the letter back on the nightstand and crawl into bed into Christian's arms. At this moment this is the only way I know to offer him some kind of comfort.

 **CPOV**

Normally I have no difficulty falling asleep, as long as I'm lying next to Ana. It's four o'clock in the morning and I still haven't slept. I still haven't read the letter Ella left me nor have I looked or touched the things that have been locked away in that chest for over two decades.

I saw them, but I couldn't connect with them. I saw the cars, the clothes…somehow they are all little pieces from my past but I just can't remember. Honestly I think that the not remembering part is what bothers me the most. Why is it that I can remember the bad memories and not the good ones?

A half hour later I am standing in front of the floor to ceiling windows watching the twinkling lights of Seattle. I'm still conflicted whether or not to read the letter or the journals. Ana has told me several times now that they really loved me. Who would of thought?

It is weird changing those thoughts though. I've always thought that Ella didn't love me. Why else would she have committed suicide and leave me with her body? Why else wouldn't she defend me from the fucking pimp when he kicked me and beat me and used me as his personal ashtray. That is what I remember though. Ella laying stoned on that filthy couch. Ella looking at me with that faraway look. I remember vividly calling for her when he would beat me…but she never came. She just lay there crying…fuck!

I have so many fucking questions that my head is about to explode. Why weren't Ella's parents supportive of her? Why did that bastard kick her out of his home when she needed them the most? Why didn't his wife fight him on that? Grace would have never allowed that to happen. Hell, I think Carrick would have ended up on the street.

I look at Simba who is sitting on the couch as if he is the fucking king of this house. Ana wouldn't even let me kick him out of the house without kicking my ass.

I grew up with the notion that I wasn't loved. Why would she have otherwise allowed the abuse to happen?

And what about Grace and Carrick? When Ana was telling me about the years I spent with my biological parents I was constantly thinking about Grace and Carrick. Do I share this with hem? But maybe they knew all along. They tried to talk to me a couple of times about it, but I always cut them off. I didn't want to hear how fucked up my biological mother had been. I was ashamed. I was afraid that they would finally realize how fucked up I really was and that they would kick me out of their home.

I didn't even want to be reminded, let alone wanting to know more about Ella or my life with her.

And even though I trust every word Ana told me this afternoon, I am still reluctant in believing it. _They loved me? I was wanted?_

 **APOV**

Shit Christian is gone. The sheets feel cold. A quick glance at the clock tells me it's seven o'clock in the morning. After quickly using the toilet, I grab my robe and make my way to the kitchen. _He is not here_. From the kitchen I walk to his study. He isn't here either. And there aren't any signs that he has been here recently either. The only sign of life in the great room is Simba, who is purring contently on the couch.

There is only one place he can be…the guestroom.

Taking the steps two at the time I quickly run towards the guestroom. The door is closed and I send a silent prayer to whoever is listening. _Please let him be okay._

Christian is sitting on the exact same spot I was sitting yesterday. He is holding a little car in his hand and a journal in his other hand. The blanket is on his lap. He is so captivated with what he is reading, that he doesn't even notice me entering the room and walking towards him.

He certainly doesn't show any signs of it that is until I have almost reached him.

"I was fifteen months old when I started walking…" He says without lifting his face from the journal in his hands. "Ella says that I giggled when I realized that I could walk…it seems that they were playing with me on the floor and that I just stood up and walked towards Collin. He immediately picked me up and threw me in the air. He…Collin loved doing that, as did I. She also writes that I was about seven months old when I started blurting random sounds, but when she started to pay attention that she noticed that I was actually trying to say something. It seems that my facial expressions and body language convinced her. I would grin and bounce up and down when I had something excited to tell but on the other hand, if there was a frown on my face and I was pointing at her while using a high-pitched voice, I was probably trying to give her a good scolding…" I never read those entries and it makes me smile. Ella surely knew her son, because that is exactly how he would react now too.

"Ella also writes that when I was ten months old I stared saying "dada" and "mama" however they argued because Collin said that I said 'dada' first and Ella was convinced that he had heard it wrong. She wrote: I am never going to tell Collin this, but I heard Christian say "dada" too, it is just too much fun to tease him." I can hear the smile in Christian's voice when he shares this with me.

"On my first birthday Collin's grandmother arranged for a photographer and they even made me a birthday cake. It was a vanilla cake filled with fresh strawberries and whipped cream. And they even used rainbow sprinkle…" He says and his voice sounds surprised. "Oh and I was named after my father's father." It is only now that he lift his face and I am looking at the most saddest eyes I have ever seen. Christian eyes are bloodshot, as if he has been crying. He has dark circles under his eyes and I wonder if he even slept. And it is only very brief, but I also see surprise maybe even shock passing those beautiful gray eyes, he evidently inherited from his birthmother. He actually called his birthfather "father".

"They really loved you Christian and they were in love with each other." I whisper. Carefully I wipe the hairs that have fallen on his forehead and rest my hand on his cheek. He doesn't acknowledge my statement nor does he look at me. He leans to my touch but his eyes remain on the journal in his hand.

"They used to read me a bed time story every night. And Ella took me to the park when she wasn't working. And oh my father called me buddy. She also spend one entire entry telling that I wasn't very fond of brushing my teeth…I would constantly repeat…no mommy no…and I would scowl…"

"That's amazing right?" I ask carefully.

"Yeah…" Christian reluctantly closes the journal and stands. Extending his hand he lifts me up from the floor and guides me to the bed where we lay down facing each other. I remain quiet, because I don't know if he wants me to say something or not. I don't even know if he read Ella's letter or the last journal.

"Ella had to sell her engagement ring when…when Collin passed away."

"I'm so sorry Christian?" I whisper.

"Me too Ana…me too…" That is the last thing Christian says before his eyes close and he falls into a deep sleep.

 **CPOV**

At first, I don't even know where I am when I open my eyes. Then suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks. I am in the guest room where I fell asleep after reading Ella's journals. Grief, disbelief but mostly pain was what I was feeling while I was reading the journals.

Not only for Collin and Ella, but also for myself. How different could things have been if Collin hadn't decided in celebrating that day with a cake? He was probably at the wrong place at the wrong time. Just like Ella was when she met the fucking pimp.

I wonder if there has ever been a police investigation into the murder of Collin. Ella writes little about that, only that the police came at the door. And then we have Ella's parents. Why the fuck did her mother kill herself and why wasn't Ella notified?

Glancing towards the floor I see that Ana has put all the journals on a neat stack. The cars are placed on the nightstand and the clothes and blanket are folded and placed on the end of the bed.

There is only one person who can help me in getting back in the right mind set. And that person is my wife.

But then I notice the letter Ana mentioned. The letter Elle wrote to me before she decided to take her own life. My eyes move to the diary I haven't read yet. The last one. Dread fills my body. I don't even know if I can handle reading that. _Man the fuck up Grey._

Sliding on the floor I reach for the journal with trembling hands and open it. My eyes fall on the journal entry dated with my date of birth. I was three years old. I remember that day…I remember her baking me the cake. And I clearly remember sitting in front of the oven and staring at the cake. Skipping a few pages my eyes land on another entry.

 _October 10, 1986_

 _There are constantly man walking in and out of the apartment. They always come with Eric who barges in here as if he owns the place. He doesn't, but he keeps reminding me that I owe him._

 _Today he brought two guys with him. They are still very young, probably younger than me. Eric sneered and told me that they wanted to have a little fun. My first concern was Christian. My poor baby boy was playing by the window with his little cars. He was probably lost in his game, because before he knew it Eric had grabbed him by his hair and was dragging him through the small apartment. His cries…I will never forget his cries._

 _November 10, 1986_

 _Exactly three years ago Collin asked me to marry him in the main hall of the_ _Detroit Institute of Arts. I wish I could take Christian and show him the museum, but I can't leave. Eric will know…he will find out…he always finds out when I try to leave. So instead of taking Christian to the place that holds so many wonderful memories I tell him about his father who loved him so much. Christian combs my hair and I tell him beautiful stories so that we can escape the hell we are in._

 _January 21, 1986_

 _When I woke up today Christian was curled up next to me. His little hand tightly grasping on to mine. When I tried to stand up his blanket fell from my body exposing my naked, bruised body. The smell of burned flesh makes my stomach turn and that's when I remember what happened. He burned him. That man burned my little boy. He hurt him._

 _The scars on his little chest are horrible. But my little baby boy is brave. Since I don't have any ointment I pulled a bag of frozen peas from the fridge and held it against his chest. Tears where falling from his sad eyes, but he never complained once._

 _July 1, 1986_

 _Every time I wake up I am met with Christian's hopeful eyes. Mommy hungry…mommy eat…mommy wake up…I can't bear to watch my baby boy like this. So I just give him a weak smile and go back to sleep again. Please isn't there somebody out there who can help us? Christian deserves a loving mother and father. He deserves a family. He deserves everything I am not. I don't know how long I can keep going on. I need to find a way to end this suffering. This is perpetual darkness._

I fight the nausea when I read Ella's last diary entry. I reach for the letter that Ana has put back into the simple, white envelope. I realize that I am crying when a tear falls on the white paper.

 _Detroit, July 5 1987_

 _Dear Christian,_

 _When you read this I am probably long gone…_

 **APOV**

I am just walking up the stairs to see if Christian is still sleeping when I hear the most agonizing and terrified scream. "Noooo! Noooo!" There is loud crashing sound and then silence.

 _Oh my god, that is Christian._ I am about to open the door when I feel Taylor's presence behind me.

"Everything okay?" I just shake my head and enter the room. The guest room is a complete mess. The chest is now laying by the window. That is probably the crash I heard. I see Christian walking to the chest and picking it up. "Stop! Christian please stop!" I yell. But it seems as if he isn't even hearing me. With a roar he picks up the chest and throws it against the window. It bounces back with another hard clash. Christian just stares at the chest. His chest is heaving, his hands clenched at his sides.

"Sir, are you all right?" Taylor says while taking a step inside the room. He goes to stand in front of me. _Does he think that Christian is going to hurt me?_

When Christian hears Taylor's voice his head snaps into his direction. His face is contorted in pain and anger. "Get the fuck out of here Taylor!" He yells.

"Sir…"

"Taylor, please go…" I quickly step around him and push him outside of the door. "Please go Taylor…"

"Ana…" Taylor is looking from me to Christian who hasn't moved but who is still glaring at Taylor.

"I know what is wrong. Please give us some privacy. He won't hurt me…Christian will never hurt me…" I whisper.

The moment I hear the door click behind me I look at my husband who is now sitting on the floor. He has his head buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

I kneel beside him, without touching him and see that his entire body is covered in goose bumps.

"Christian…can you tell me what happened?" Carefully I brush my fingers through his hair that is wet with perspiration.

"I read her letter Ana…" _Oh God…_

"Perpetual darkness she called it…she was desperate…" He chokes. "She had no one…completely and fucking alone…she was left alone Ana…" I slide closer to where Christian is sitting. Our knees are touching and I slowly pull his hands from his hair. Still facing the floor he entwines our hands and pulls me towards him until I am flush against his chest.

"I blamed her…I hated her. Fuck I hated her so much…she didn't have ointment Ana so she used a bag of frozen peas…I remember that…I remember that…why can't I remember the happy times Ana…that fucking pimp used her…he brought several men at the same time to that crappy apartment…he drugged her, he hit her, he raped her again and again and again until she was left completely broken…" His voice breaks and he clutches me tighter against his chest. He is rambling. It is like he wants to get it all out.

"I couldn't help her Ana…I didn't understand what was going on…I only knew to hide when he came…but sometimes he would find me and drag me from my hiding place by my hair…I should have helped her, but I just wasn't strong enough Ana." I close my eyes tightly not wanting that image in my head.

"I'm sorry Christian…I'm sorry…please tell me what I can do…"

"Just don't leave me Ana…never ever leave me…" He moves and holds my face in his hands. The emotion on his face is one of fear and hurt.

"Please promise me that you will never leave me…" He asks me again.  
"I promise…I promise Christian. I love you…we all love you. No one is going to leave you." I urge. "You know that right? You know that I love you and Carrick and Grace and your brother and sisters…and Ella and Collin…"

"I know… He whispers sadly. "It just hurts so much Ana…it hurts here…" He points at his chest and looks at me while the tears are falling from his eyes.

Christian lays down with his head on my lap his questioning eyes looking up at me.

"Stay with me please…"

"I promise…" I whisper back and skim my fingers through his hair until I feel him relaxing. He falls asleep after a while and I decide to stay with him. If this is what he needs, this is what I shall give him. Besides, I don't think I am going to leave his side for the foreseeable future.


	33. Chapter 33 - Healing

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 33** – **Healing**

 **APOV**

Peaceful. That is what anyone else would say when they would see Christian lying on our bed. His ankles are crossed, his hands behind his head and staring at the ceiling while he is listening to the classical music playing on the background. However, I know better. I know that he woke up twice last night plagued by those horrible nightmares. I know that after the shower he took after the second nightmare he completely broke down in the shower. I found him sitting on the cold tiles crying. I know that I had to dry him of and guide him towards the bed where he closed his eyes and fell asleep in less than two minutes. Exhausted.

He seems calmer now, but I know that there are still different kind of thoughts and emotions running through his head. I know better than to ask though. He has to handle and process this first before he can share it with me. And that is totally fine. I can't even begin to grasp how he must be feeling right now. His entire world has been turned upside down. He needs to give these emotions a place and from there on he can start to heal.

Three months ago things would have gone very differently. Three months ago, Christian probably would have yelled and threatened and subsequently would have walked away angry slamming doors on his way out, just to come back to me two hours later with his tail between his legs to apologize.

In response to his stupid reaction I would have yelled back, slammed a few doors too and then I would have refused to listen to his apologizes. We are getting there…

"You look mighty comfortable Mr. Grey." I say and smile when I see him grinning back at me.

"I am Mrs. Grey…the only thing missing though is my beautiful wife laying next me to…" He pats the empty side of the bed and leans on his hand to watch me.

Shaking my head I place another pair of jeans in the suitcase and sigh. "The suitcase doesn't pack himself you know?" I cock my eyebrow at him and walk back to the walk in closet.

"Is this your idea of helping?" I ask and look into the suitcase. Shit, I think I am going to need another suitcase.

"Correct me if I am wrong Ana, but you keep swatting my hands away every time I try to put something in that damned suitcase…thought it would be better for all parties involved to back off and let you take control…" He replies cocky and smiles widely. "Besides I don't know why you need four pair of jeans when I don't intent in leaving the house. For the activities I have in mind you don't need clothes. It is just Ana and Christian. Naked." _Oh crap._

"Well…about that…" I say carefully and watch Christian squinting his eyes.

"About what…exactly…"

"The naked part and the Christian and Ana part…"

"Ana…"

I give him my sweetest smile and crawl on the bed as sexy as possible. However, wearing what I am wearing and crawling like I am … I don't think I look very sexy, but I can try.

"Ana what have you done?"

"I might have invited some people over…" I push with my hand against his shoulder until he is laying on his back and straddle his lap.

"Define _some_ …" His hands are resting on my hips and his long fingers are dangerously close to that ticklish spot.

"Promise you won't get mad…" I scrunch my nose and pout. The corners of his mouth twitch involuntarily, but that only lasts two freaking seconds and his face is back to serious.

"Define _some_ Anastasia…"

Clearing my throat I avoid his steely gaze. "Your parents, my grandparents, Elliot and Meghan, Sam and Dani, Ethan and Mia and my uncle and his family…" I bite my lip as I watch Christian's eyes widen in horror. "Please don't be mad, I know that you were really looking forward in spending Thanksgiving with just the three of us, but when I told your mom she just got so sad…she told me that she understood but that she couldn't wait in having the entire family together and that Thanksgiving would be the perfect opportunity since we have a lot to be thankful for…"

 **CPOV**

Ana is rambling about why she invited the entire freaking family over to Aspen and she looks so fucking cute that I want to smother her with kisses and love the ever living shit out of her.

I stare at her for the longest time not giving her any reaction at all. However after a long minute I feel like a complete ass. She starts fidgeting with her hands and her bottom lip is trembling. When her eyes lock with mine I see tears pooling in her eyes.

"Ana, don't cry…I was just kidding…" But the fucking damage is done. The dam breaks and she starts crying. "I just couldn't say no to your mom…" She sobs. "And then your mom and my Nana cornered me in the kitchen…and then when I invited Dani she asked if her boyfriend could join us and I said yes of course…but then when I told Taylor…" She shrugs. "He got all Taylor-ish on me…saying that we would be needing a lot of more security and that Dani's boyfriend would need to sign and NDA…and I never had thought about it…I just thought that maybe your mother and my Nana where right…after all we have a lot to be thankful for…" She lets herself fall on my chest and buries her face in my neck.

"And now you are mad too…"

"Taylor-ish?" I ask and move so that I am able to look at her face.

She pouts and nods her head while she clings to my shirt. "Define Taylor-ish for me…" I can't help the chuckle that escapes me and I am rewarded by a slap against my shoulder.

"Is that the only thing you've heard?"

"No baby…I heard everything you told me. Instead of travelling to Aspen with my wife I will have the entire family there…and that is because my wife has the biggest heart on this fucking planet."

"Are you mad?"

"No…I am not mad…" _My dick is mad, disappointed even…but he will get over it._

"Really?" She says and she jumps up and straddles my lap again. Her smile is stunning and I just smile back. Just because she makes me so fucking happy.

"Because I did a little research and there are all kinds of activities for the Thanksgiving weekend…" She claps her hands excited and beams.

"Are you excited baby?"

"Yes, I never been to Aspen before. I never went skiing…"

"You are not skiing…" I say a little harsher than intended.

"I know…but you didn't let me finish." She says offended. "I just want to walk in the snow and build a snowman with Sam and the girls…go slay riding with little Frank…there is also the Ski World Cup that takes place during the Thanksgiving weekend…" Frankly I am not sure how I feel about all those outdoor activities she has planned, because with my wife's track record…in being able to trip over completely nothing, has me slightly worried, but then I am not intending to leave her side for one second.

"What are you thankful for Ana?" I ask while I tuck a stand of hair that has fallen form her ponytail behind her ear.

"You…" She says without hesitation. "And of course my grandparents and I am thankful that your dad is doing fine and that we are blessed with this pregnancy…"

She is thankful for me…wow. That is just wow. I mean, she tells me every day how much she loves me, but hearing her say that she is thankful is something that fills my chest with pride. But I am the one who is thankful. I still owe my brother big time for dragging me to Bainbridge Island that particular day in May. I am even thankful for buying her that wicker basket with peonies, even though I felt like a moron.

Ana somehow has the ability to see past my past, my fucked-up ness. Yesterday I had the biggest break down ever. She never left my side…she encouraged me when she felt I needed to talk and she was silent when she sensed I just needed her presence. My wife really sees me. She sees what a mess I can be, how fucking moody I can get, how hard I am to handle and yet she still wants me in her life.

"I love you Anastasia…"

"I love you too Christian…" She sighs and slides her hands under my shirt. "Jesus Christ, your hands are freezing Ana…"

"You are such a sissy…" She giggles but instead of moving her hands she slides then over my chest.

"What did you just call me?"

"Please don't tell me we are adding deaf now too to your list of shortcomings?" She says flippantly.

"List of shortcomings?" _There is a fucking list of shortcomings?_

"Uh huh…or do I need to repeat that too?"

Grabbing her ass I turn us over so that I am hoovering above her. Her blue eyes are glistening with mischief and that little grin on her face is fucking adorable.

Slowly I let my hands wander from her hips to her sides. "Don't tickle me Christian…" I chuckle because she is already squirming and giggling and I barely touched her.

"So I am a sissy?" I kiss her neck and wait for her answer.

She just nods her head and angles her neck to give me better access. _Little vixen._

"Okay…" I slide down to her collarbone and leave a trail of wet little kisses. _Fuck she smells so nice._

"Care to share that list of shortcomings with me then?"

"That list is top secret…" She whispers biting her lip. I smile against her neck and plan my 'attack'

"Are you sure you don't want to share that with me?"

She nods her eyes wide. "Don't tickle me please Christian…" She giggles.

And since I love to hear her laugh I do just that. I tickle her. "Oh god stop…stop…!" She screams.

"They all call me Christian, but if you want to call me God…that's okay baby…" I whisper in her ear while she is trying to buck me off. _Yeah, try again…_

"Christian…stop….you..." She is moving her head from one side to the other, she has one hand gripping my hair and pulling hard. _Fuck…_

"Christian…stop…please…" She pants.

"Tell me there isn't a stupid list…" I pant in her ear.

"No!" She yells. God so stubborn. I continue tickling her. Moving from her belly to her ribs then her neck.

"Oh my god…" She stills and I don't like the look on her face…at all. "Oh my god…get off me…" She is pushing me and her face is beet red.

"Ana what's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"Get off me Christian!" She snaps.

"What the fuck Ana?" She sits up straight and feels between her legs. Her head snaps into my direction and if she would have super powers she would have burned me with her eyes. My eyes move to her hand that are still touching between her legs.

"You made me pee…" She squeaks. Hearing her say that she peed all over herself, the expression on her face and the relief that I haven't hurt her makes me smile. The smile turns into a chuckle and the chuckle turns into a full blown laughter.

"Don't laugh at me…this is all your fault Christian Trevelyan Grey!" Even though I am trying seriously hard to stop laughing…I can't.

"This is not funny Christian…" I feel the bed shifting and then a few seconds later the door to the bathroom slamming shut. _Fuck, now she is mad._

After another few seconds after I have composed myself I walk slowly to the bathroom door and knock before I enter. She is sitting on the toilet her head in her hands her shoulders shaking. Shit.

"Ana…I'm sorry…I didn't want to make you pee your pants baby…" I try to force the twitch from my mouth and for my voice to stay even. She slowly tilts her head, one of her eyebrows raised and then I see that she is actually laughing instead of crying. Thank fuck!

Slowly she stand up and walks to me. Her eyes locked on mine. She slowly raises her finger to my face and waves it back and forward. "This little incident will never leave this room…" I shake my head, because she is seriously frightening looking at me like that.

"If I ever find out that you shared this with anyone…" She pauses briefly and continues. "Anyone Christian…" Her voice now slightly raises. "You will regret it for the rest of your life…" Again that eyebrow raises and she quietly watches me. I relax a little when I see that she is fighting her own smile.

"What incident baby?" I ask faking innocence.

"Good…and very smart Mr. Grey…now please leave and make yourself useful and close the damned suitcase for me will you?" Without awaiting my answers she pushes me outside the bathroom and closes the door. _Damn that was close._

* * *

We have had dinner, talked a lot and I even had to open that damned suitcase again, because my wife wasn't sure if she really had packed everything. I silently rolled my eyes behind her back, dutifully followed her instructions and closed the suitcase after listening to Ana debating with herself, what shoes she would take with her. _Women!_

Since Ana showered after the little incident that never will leave these four walls, I was forced to shower alone. Ana is now downstairs, probably eating…again, and I can't wait to be with her. I know, we spend yesterday and today together, not leaving each other's side, but Ella's journals somehow brought us closer together.

When I reach the kitchen Ana is standing in front of the refrigerator with her back turned towards me. She is casually dressed in sweat pants and a hoody, her long hair pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head.

She mutters something I can't hear from this distance under her breath and pulls her phone from her back pocket.

Her brow furrows and then she shakes her head. With a huff she places the phone back in her pocket and continues with what she was doing.

I should feel like a creep watching my wife like this, but hey she is my wife and watching her doing everyday things gives me a sense of calm. And that is what I need right now.

I can't wait to get on my jet in a few hours' time and leave for Aspen, even though the entire family is tagging alone instead of what I first thought, I can't wait to leave Seattle for what it is and show her the house in Aspen with its magnificent view of Aspen Mountain. Maybe I can even get her to wake up early to enjoy the sunrise. I cannot wait to share this with her. Hopefully we can send the family away, preferably right after Thanksgiving dinner. Then it will be no phones, no work, and no family. Just Ana, little blip and Christian. I just want to forget about everything and anything and get lost in my wife.

"Really?" Ana mutters again and with a sigh she pulls the phone from her pocket and brings it to her ear.

"Hi Hannah…" She is quiet while listening to Hannah. She is listening intently, nodding every once in a while and drumming her fingers on the marble kitchen counter. _Fuck she is so beautiful._ Every now and then her brow furrows and I wonder if Hannah is even taking a breath. While this one-sided conversation proceeds I watch my wife's shoulder tense and the hand she has leaning on the kitchen counter is balled into a tiny fist. _Oh, she is pissed off._

"Hannah did you tell him that the book cover is the responsibility of the graphic designer?" Again a slight pause.

"Look Hannah, I appreciate you call and all the trouble you have been through, but please tell him to contact our editor in chief if he wants more details about the process…and if he isn't available than he should contact the marketing and sales team…"

Pressing her phone against her shoulder Ana opens the fridge again and takes out a carton of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream.

"Yes, that's correct. Thank you Hannah and please go home and enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend…how is your brother doing by the way?" Ana closes the fridge with a sway of her hip and opens the drawer and gathers a spoon. _Why not two spoons? Am I supposed to watch her eat?_

"Oh that is good to hear….hmm hmm…okay bye Hannah…" Smiling and sighing contently she places the phone on the counter and saunters to the media room.

"What was that all about?" I point with my thumb in the direction of the kitchen.

"Shit Christian…you scared me half to death!" She says startled. She opens the lid of the ice-cream and digs the spoon into it before she answers. "Hannah just called about some issue at work, but it has been taken care of there is nothing for you to worry about Christian…" She says cautiously.

"Really?" I ask and take her feet on my lap and remove her socks.

"Uh huh…"

"Then how come that you were pissed off and even snapping at Hannah at some point?"

"Because it pissed me off and it that issue is solved now…" She says tiredly. I don't know if I should press any further of just let this 'issue' pass. But then she surprises me. "We have this author who is adamant that I should be present to all of the meetings regarding his book and he now even wants me to accompany him to a photo shoot for the book cover…"

"Why?" My hand stills at her foot, but she just shakes them urging me to keep continue with the massage. Taking a spoonful of ice scream she offers it to me and smiles sweetly.

"I don't know why…I just know that he…he makes me feel uncomfortable…" She waves her spoon in the air and looks at me. "It is probably nothing and I already mentioned it to Mike and Sawyer. Mike will be dealing with this author from now on…"

"What kind of book are we talking about?"

"An erotic romance…" Ana blushes and takes the spoon to her mouth.

"And what kind of photos are we talking about?" Ana sighs and stares at me. "Really Christian?"

I shrug. "I have no idea Ana…please enlighten me baby…"

"The photos need to match with the book…so we are talking sexy photographs…with a man and a woman who are partially naked in some kind of seductive embrace or something like that…"

"Who is the photographer?" I ask slowly.

"I don't know…" She furrows her brow. "I could ask though, but I just don't want to be involved anymore. Let's talk about something else okay?" She almost pleads.

Ana feeds me another spoonful of ice cream and leans back against the perfectly placed pillows.

"What do you want to talk about?" Letting my finger slide along her calf and then back down to her ankle.

 **APOV**

"What do you want to talk about?" Christian asks. _Anything but that stupid author I think._ But I simply shrug and give him a sweet smile. "The photos in that baby album are adorable." I say taking a spoonful of ice cream. God, this is really good.

Christian glances to the album on the table and nods thoughtfully.

"I always wondered you know…" Releasing my feet he slides over the couch until he is lying next to me. He swiftly kisses the side of my neck and rests his head on my shoulder.

"I just always wondered if my life always had been as shitty as I remembered…I'm glad it wasn't."

"How do you feel about it?" I ask carefully. I made the decision to leave the initiative to talk regarding Ella's journal to Christian...so I honestly do not know how he is going to react.

"Well Dr. Flynn…" He replies mockingly. He is smiling though, so I know he isn't mad. But he is right. John's first question would be "So tell me how do you feel about it?"

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean it that way…" I defend myself. I feel him smiling against my neck. His hand on my stomach.

"If you are asking me how I feel about the fact that I wasn't always beaten by the pimp…I am happy. If you ask me how I feel about all those revelations I think the best word to describe it would be…confused. I can't help but feel that she still took the easy way out…but when I think about what she had to go through, it actually hurts." Christian moves closer and lays his head on my chest. "She was young and she lost everything and everyone. While I was reading her journals I wanted to cry for them, I wanted to yell at her. I felt joy, anger, hurt and so fucking confused…" He continues softly.

"Are you going to see Dr. Flynn?" I place the empty carton of ice-cream on the table and lay back down to cuddle with my husband.

"No…I somehow need to process this myself before I talk to him or Carrick and Grace."

We lay there for the longest time lost in our own thoughts. I concentrate on the sound of Christian's regular breathing and the warmth of his hand on my belly.

"I have been thinking though and I really need your opinion on something…" I feel myself stiffen in response to the seriousness of his voice.

"What is it?" I croak.

"I want to ask Welch to dig if he can find the fucking pimp…" He answers gravelly. "I need to find out first where they lived and where I lived with Ella."

"Imagine that you find him and that he happens to be alive…what are you going to do then Christian?"

"I don't know yet…my first thought is to kill him. To make him pay for what he did to my mother and probably other helpless and desperate women. I want to make him suffer. I want to wipe that fucking smirk from his ugly face and punish him just like he punished my mother and that four year old defenseless boy…"

My heartrate picks up when the hateful words spill from Christian's mouth. I don't think I have ever heard him talk about someone with so much hatred. I turn around so that I am facing him and move my hands over his handsome face.

"I understand that you want to find him. I totally understand that you want to hurt him, just like he hurt Ella and you…but please Christian, you need to promise me not to do anything foolish. Please…" The tears are prickling behind my eyelids as I plead with my husband and look at his anger stricken face. He doesn't say anything, he just stares blankly at me. "You asked for my opinion." I whisper.

"Ask Welch…ask Taylor ask anyone you want to find him. And then…we can punish him differently. We take everything away from him…we will help other women in the same circumstances as your mother was. But please Christian promise me…"

Christian then nods his head barely noticeable. "I have been thinking about other things." He now says and he thankfully sounds a lot calmer.

"What's that?"

"I want to set up some kind of charity foundation where we can help this women. Different then what my parents are doing. I want a proactive approach from the social workers and the police. I want to put together a special, dedicated team of professionals that will solely focus on these poignant cases.

I want doctors, lawyers and police working together. I want the organization not to only give financial assistance but to also expand its mission by providing housing, schooling. I want these women and children in such circumstances to feel save. I want them to receive as much guidance and support for as long as necessary. Until they learn to stand on their own feet. Until they have found a job, until they can stop constantly looking over their shoulder. I want to pull them out of that dark hole…I also want every child to know that he or she has the potential to succeed…" The tears that were threatening to fall are now actually falling.

"I think that is an excellent idea Christian… "

"I want to start in Detroit and expand further…" Christian seems to be a little calmer now. The tension that had taken hold of his body while discussing the pimp, seems now to be replaced with a calm determination as he talks about the foundation.

"I am sorry I scared you yesterday." His eyes get soft and he smiles. "But it is just that something inside me broke when I read her letter."

"I understand, you don't have to apologize…" I whisper and lay my head against his shoulder.

"Do you think I made them proud?" My heart breaks when I hear the insecurity in his voice.

"I am sure that Ella and Collin are watching over you with a smile on their faces…"

Christian nods and kisses my temple. "I married the right woman though…that is what she wrote in her letter…that I should marry the right woman."

I straddle his lap and look into his gorgeous eyes. "I'm afraid you are stuck with me Christian Grey…" I smile.

"She also wrote to never hit a woman…" His eyes search my face uncertain. "You know that I would never hit you right Ana?"

"Of course I know that…"

"But the submissives…"

"That was something completely different Christian." I whisper. "That was a BDSM arrangement…it was consensual and…safe…not abusive." Christian nods his head while he is staring into the distance.

"I obviously need to work on that apologizing part." Christian says after a short silence. There is a little smile on his lips and I can't help but snuggle closer to his chest.

"You are perfect just the way you are Christian."

He kisses the top of my head and sighs. "Have you seen the photographs?" He says silently.

"Some of them." I admit. "I haven't looked at the photo album though."

Leaning over me he takes the album from the table and sits up. One of his arms is wrapped around my shoulders while he is holding the album with the other.

We spend some time watching Christian's photo album. It is clear that Ella spend a lot of time working on the album. It starts with photos of a newborn Christian. There are several pictures with Christian and Ella and several from Christian with his dad. The resemblance between Christian and Collin is uncanny. Christian is pretty silent though. Occasionally he looks a little longer to a certain picture taking in all the details, mostly the one with one of his parents in it. What is he thinking? What is he feeling?

I keep quiet, watching him. I want nothing more than to know what he is feeling and thinking, but I also know that he needs space to process this in his own time. He knows that I am here for him no matter what.

With a sigh he places the album on the floor and sinks deeper into the cushions.

"You were a beautiful baby." I say breaking the silence.

"I guess I was a cute little shit…and happy. I looked so happy Ana…" He whispers thoughtfully. "I particularly like the one where I am sitting on the high chair, my mouth covered with food and laughing at the camera…" He continues. "And the one with Collin where we are walking outside…"

He looks at me and I see that his eyes are a bit teary and his smile is fragile.

"I like the one that Collin is laying on the floor and you are standing by his head kissing him…" I say and brush my fingers over his mouth.

"Thank you for being here for me Ana…" He says cupping my face with his hand. "I don't know what I would have done without you…"

I quickly place my finger against his lips. "I once read a quote that somehow stuck with me. It says. _If you feel like you are falling apart, fall into my arms. I promise I will catch every little piece of you. And I promise I will always love your brokenness."_

"Now please make love to me Christian…" I whisper against his lips. Christian's mouth crushes against mine instantly. His hands wander under the hem of my t-shirt until they find my sensitive breasts. His thumb and forefinger rubbing against my nipple. The simple touch spreads warmth to ….

Clumsily I try to unbutton his shirt, I need to feel his skin against mine.

"Not here…" He breathes against my neck. "Bedroom…"

I immediately miss the touch of his hands on my body as he stands up from the couch and extends his hand. Before I know it Christian is carrying me towards our bedroom, his warm breath against my skin as he kisses me.

We enter the bedroom where Christian stops at the edge of the bed. I lower my legs that were tightly clinging around his waist and drop my feet to the floor. This time I succeed in freeing him from his shirt. Stepping back he slips his arms out of his shirt and lets it fall to the floor.  
My eyes wander of Christian's naked torso and every time I am amazed by its perfection. The sprinkling of hair on his chest, the well-defined muscles of his abdomen, his strong shoulders narrowing down to his perfect waist leading to that sexy V with the sexy trail of hair that disappears beneath the waistband of his jeans. _Christian is perfect._  
Drawing my gaze back to his chest I meet his gray smoldering eyes. Christian looks back at me, his eyes hooded and filled with lust.

Without leaving my gaze he removes his socks and his jeans in a swift and calculated move. He raises his hands, frames my face and brings his lips to mine. The kiss is slow and utterly perfect.

His hands start sliding from my face to the hem of my sweater and lifts it over my head. "Fuck Ana…I need to feel your skin baby against mine. I need to bury myself in you…" He chokes in his words as he gently pushes me on the bed.

"You are beautiful Ana…" Christian's breath caresses my skin while he leaves a trail of kisses from my neck to my breasts. His tongue is slowly teasing my nipples while his hands roam the rest of my body.

I hear myself crying out in delight as his mouth latches on my breast sucking my nipple into his warm mouth. His other hand is on my other breast, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

The extensive attention he is paying to my nipples sends little sparks of pleasure to my sex, making me squirm and whimper.

A small smile appears on his face as he let go of my nipple and tilt his head to lock eyes with me.

"I am going to make you scream when I dig my cock into that tight pussy of yours…" He pants.

He makes his way down from my chest to my stomach where he leave a kisses along the seam of my black lace panties. "You are so fucking perfect Anastasia and you smell so fucking good baby…" He whispers with his mouth pressed against my skin.

"Even though I love this little piece of fabric, I hope you are not overly fond of them…" I don't have time to respond before he rips the panties off of me.

"I like this very much…" He growls as his trails his finger between my folds. "And I love this even more…" Christian slips his finger into me and starts sliding it slowly back and forth. I moan and tangle my fingers in his hair.  
"Do you feel how wet you are for me Ana?" Christian groans without stopping his movements. "Do you feel how tightly your pussy is latching at my finger?" My back arches from the bed, never wanting him to stop…urging him to continue.

"Oh God Christian…don't stop please…"

"Ana…" Christian sucks in a breath as his finger leisurely circles inside of me, sliding against that sweet spot against my front wall. "Feel it Ana…just feel baby…"

I immediately feel cold when his hand leaves my sex. "Look at me Ana…I want you to look at me when I fuck you with my mouth…"  
I feel the blush spreading through my body when I hear his bold words and even though Christian knows every inch of my body it takes everything to open my eyes and look at him.

"Good girl…" He croons. His head moves down and then I feel the warm heat of his breath against my folds where he takes my clit between his lips. At the same time if feel two fingers slip inside of me.  
I force myself to keep my eyes open and watch my husband and his tongue lazily moves back and forth and his finger continue the delicious internal massage. Gripping his hair and forcing his head between my thighs, needing more pressure…I hear him growl.

"That's it Ana…feel it…" I cry out and throw my head back as he replaces his mouth with his thumb where he increases the movements on that very sensitive spot.

"Please Christian…I… I need to come please…" I pant while my eyes keep locked with his.  
Christian slides up my body while his fingers continue their exceptional massage on my sex. He is licking and kissing his way up my body until he reaches my face. "Fuck my hand baby…do it…" His smoldering gaze melts with mine and I start wildly bucking against his hand. All the shame and inhibitions I felt only previous minutes ago have completely disappeared. The only thing that matters now is reaching that wonderful release.

Somewhere I hear Christian growl as I reach the release and my orgasm shatters in my body. Rippling through every inch and nerve leaving me completely and utterly spend. "That's it Ana…do you know how amazing it is to watch you come…breaking apart at my hands…" He murmurs as I ride out that amazing and earth shattering orgasm.

My eyes widen as I watch him slipping his fingers into his mouth and smiling devilishly and hums in approval. "Delicious…"

I feel the bed dip as he kneels between my legs slowly pulls down his boxer shorts, his erection springing free. Without breaking eye contact, he grips his impressive erection and starts stroking himself. _God I love watching him touch himself._ It has something pure, raw and incredibly exciting about watching your man touching himself.

When I am able to tear my gaze from his erection and my eyes meet his, they sparkle playfully. "What do you want Ana?"

"You…I want only you Christian…" I bite my lip knowing how much it turns him on.

Christian suddenly grabs one of my feet and starts kissing me until he reaches my thigh. His finger is gently rubbing over my folds. Again I grip his hair and pull hard. "Christian, please!"

He doesn't even seem fazed by my sudden outburst, but crawls the rest of the way up my body, a smile on his lips and then he covers my mouth with his. One hand is palming my sensitive breast and I can feel his erection against my stomach.

I prop myself on my elbows and watch my husband as he slowly presses his erection into me. The sensations as Christian enters me are amazing and overwhelming. I bite my bottom lip to suppress a moan as I watch him slowly stretching and filling me until he is completely buried to the hilt.

"Oh Fuck Ana…so fucking tight baby…" Christian doesn't move at first. He just watches me with hooded eyes, his jaw clenched, trying to hold onto his control.

"You make me loose every inch of control baby…and I couldn't be happier about it…"

He doesn't move at first, allowing my body to adjust to him as he simply watches me.

Slowly Christian starts to move. Pulling out all the way to the tip and the slowly sliding back in me. The feeling is exquisite and I allow myself to really feel.

We stare at each other as he starts moving slowly. I wrap my thighs around Christian's hips as he starts to pick up the pace. I feel the muscles on his back ripple beneath my hands as he moves. However I want to feel closer to him, as close as I can, so I tighten my legs around his hips and lock my feet at the ankles.

Sensing the need to be closer to him, Christian slides his hand under my backside and presses his pelvis further into mine. That exquisite feeling, sending warmth and tingles all over my body is starting in my legs and slowly making its way to the center of my body.

I cry out as my back arches off the bed, my hips uncontrollably bucking against his as I am hit by one of the strongest orgasms I have ever had.

Christian pushes into me a few more times, before I hear him cry out my name. Tensing he finds his release. He then buries his head in my neck, his breathing ragged and uncontrolled, his heart pounding against mine…our bodies covered with a thin layer of sweat. We lay like this for a moment, both enjoying coming down from that incredible high. The weight of his body on mine feels comforting and soothing.

Muttering sweet words in my ear he slowly withdraws from me and I immediately feel empty and cold. He shifts and lies on his side and props his head on his hand and watches me closely. There are so many things in his gray eyes that I can't read. Leaning closer to me until our noses are almost touching I see the most important thing. I am his whole world. Like he is mine, because there are not words enough for what I feel for him.

* * *

 **Author's note: Hi ladies!**

 **A few of you have mentioned how intense and heartbreaking the last two chapters have been and I couldn't agree more. Writing Ella's journal entries was extremely difficult and painful knowing where and how it would end. Writing about Christian's reaction towards the journals was even more difficult.**

 **Now as some of you probably are guessing we are reaching the end of Ana and Christian's journey in Wish. I can't tell you exactly how many more chapters I will be writing though. There are still a few things that need to be handled and then of course the birth of little blip. I am not going to write about the pregnancy day by day. There will be an epilogue set approximately ten years after blip's birth.**

 **The quote Ana mentions in this chapter is from Anita Krizzan.**

 **Since I will be leaving in a few days for a little vacation I won't be able to update next week. So…take care and see you in two weeks.**

 **X**

 **Alner**


	34. Chapter 34 - Family

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 34 - Family**

 **APOV**

Despite the fact that yesterday seemed to be a good day for Christian, everything seems different today. He is tense and his answers are short and curt. He barely looked at me during breakfast and now sitting in the back of the SUV he is watching the scenery passing by with his hands clasped in his lap. Also, the constant tick of his jaw is a damn good sign about his mood. _Angry._ I don't know if his change in mood is due to reading Ella's journals or that he just dreads spending the next couple of days with our families. So very differently than what he hoped and imagined how we would spend our first Thanksgiving together.

Hell, I wasn't even prepared for this, but something in Grace's eyes made it impossible to reject her. After giving in both Grace and Nana started planning Thanksgiving dinner and inviting people over. In a matter of minutes it was completely out of my control.

"Where are Dani and her boyfriend going to sleep?" Christian asks all of a sudden. His face is unreadable, his posture stiff.

"I was thinking at the house…" I reply carefully. _Because_ _where else would they sleep?_

"You thought wrong Anastasia because there are not enough bedrooms. It is a five bedroom house not a fucking castle…" I shrink against the leather seats from the harshness of his words. My eyes meet Sawyer's, who is driving, briefly in the rearview mirror but I quickly look away when I see his brow furrow.

"I know it isn't a castle Christian…" I reply with shaky voice. I clear my throat and continue. "Ethan, Mia, Megan, Elliot, my uncle and his family will be sleeping with Ethan and Mia at Ethan's parent's house… According to Ethan it is not that far away from your house…"

Biting my lip I turn my face towards the window and blink my eyes a few times to fight the tears that are threatening to fall. Maybe it isn't too late to cancel this freaking weekend.

"The rest, meaning your parents, my grandparents, Dani, her boyfriend and Sam are staying at _your_ house…" Even though it is particularly childish I emphasize the word _yours_ knowing how much it bugs him.

I can feel Christian's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, but I simply refuse to meet his eyes.

"It is our house Anastasia." I roll my eyes but keep my face turned away from him. God, why is he acting like such an asshole? I mean everything was fine when we went to sleep yesterday. This morning however he was already showered when I woke up. When I reached the kitchen I saw him walking out of the security office looking furious. Maybe he discussed something with Taylor that made him upset? But why doesn't he share it with me then? Is he hiding things from me again?

Suddenly I feel Christian's hand fumbling with my seatbelt and his hand on my arm. My eyes move from his hand to his eyes slowly until I am looking into Christian's apologetic eyes.

"Will you please sit with me?" I nod my head once and slide over to his side and crawl on his lap. His arms immediately wrap around my waist and buries his head in the crook of my neck. I feel him inhaling and exhaling deeply before he lifts his head again to look at me.

"I'm sorry for being an ass…" He says while his eyes search my face. I just nod my head and lean with my head against his chest.

"What happened Christian?" Christian tenses when he hears the tiredness in my voice. He reacts by holding me tighter.

"I don't want to upset you Ana…" He whispers ruefully in my ear.

"You are upsetting me by behaving like this Christian. Might as well tell me." I snap.

Christian sighs and kisses the top of my head. "I'm sorry baby, but this morning Taylor informed me that José fucking Rodriguez is the photographer for the book you are going to publish."

"Did they already release him?"

"Yes a few days ago. I have someone shadowing him. He is living with his father, but according to the CPO who is following him he hasn't left the house since he was released."

"Did you know that he was released?" I ask carefully and this time it is my turn to look at Christian.

"No I didn't." He says immediately. "The day you read the journals Taylor told me in the car that he wanted to talk to me after dinner. Then I called you and well…we all know what happened then…" He says somber.

"I don't want to be a bitch about this Christian, but Taylor should have told me. I am the one who is publishing that damn book…"

"I know baby…I told him."

"I will talk to him when we arrive in Aspen." Christian nods his head and seems to relax.

"Are we good Ana?"

"Yeah…we are good Mr. Cranky…"

"Good…" And even though I can't see his face I know he is smiling. "Something else Ana…even though we won't be spending Thanksgiving weekend by ourselves I have all the intentions to fuck you several times…"I quickly look at Sawyer, but he doesn't even react…his eyes are on the road ahead of him. I feel Christian smiling again and with the simple push of a button a screen appears separating us from Sawyer and giving us much needed privacy.

"Tell me Mr. Grey…" I turn on his lap so that I am facing him and I think even Christian is shocked by my sudden boldness.

"That is top-secret…" He whispers secretively. I giggle when I remember the conversation we had yesterday when I told him exactly the same.

"Are you sure that I can't persuade you in sharing some details with me?" I move my pelvis over his and I hear him taking a sharp breath.

"Well…" Christian says after a short time of silence. He nibbles my ear and the feeling of his warm breath against my skin is sending shivers down my spine. "Let us say that there is a pool table involved and I am going to make you come until you don't even remember your name anymore…"

"Promises, promises..."

 **Christian**

As we enter the jet my brother, Meghan and my parents are already seated. Ana's grandparents will be here any minute now. The rest of them are flying with Ethan, in his father's private jet. I wish somehow that I could get Sam to travel with us, but I think that wouldn't be completely fair to his mother.

"What's up man?" Ana and I are sitting opposite of Megan and Elliot.

He looks quickly to Meghan who is flipping through a magazine. She seems relaxed. But then what do I know? My brother leans over to get closer to me and says. "Due to influence of hormones my wife can burst out in tears or kill you in five minutes…be aware…" I cringe when I see Meghan's head turning to look at her husband. _Jesus fucking Christ, my brother sucks at whispering_.

"I heard that Elliot!" She snaps.

"So, tell me how the appointment went at the OB/GYN." Ana asks but not before sending Elliot a frightening glare. Meghan relaxes immediately and smiles brightly completely forgetting about her idiotic husband. Her hands settle on her baby bump and she sighs contently.

"Yeah, we now what we are having…" She says and her eyes brim with tears. Guess my brother wasn't lying after all.

"Oh really?" Ana squeals. "Are you going to share it with us?" She says impatiently.

"Yes, but we want to do it when everyone is present…" Elliot says and by seeing the grin on his face I am almost sure that they are going to have a little boy. The only thing that is missing beside the grin is him beating on his chest like a fucking caveman.

"Please tell me you didn't stick your fingers in that plastic vagina…"

My brother actually blushes and laughs uncomfortably. "Nah, bro…I'm not that stupid!"

"I had given him instructions though, before entering…" Meghan says cocking an eyebrow.

"By the way man, thanks for the invite." Elliot says changing the topic. He grins and settles back in the chair. _Fucker._

"By the way…mom brought the photo albums along with her…" He motions with his head towards our mom who is chatting with Melissa. _Oh fuck no_! Not the photo albums.

"Plural?" I ask. Elliot just nods his head slowly.

"Oh be quiet Elliot…" My mother pipes up. _Really that woman has supersonic hearing._ "You know that it is tradition…besides the girls haven't seen all the photo albums yet…" My mother looks at Elliot daring him to argue. He won't…I'm sure.

"All of them mom?" _Wrong question Elliot…wrong fucking question._

"Yes, all of them… and do you have a problem with that Elliot?"

"No ma'am…absolutely not…"

"Good, that's what I thought…"

I try to hide my chuckle behind a cough, but fail. " _Asshole"_ My brother mouths to me.

" _Fucker"_ …I mouth back.

"Elliot Rupert Trevelyan Grey and Christian Trevelyan Grey…one more word from both of you and you will be both in a lot of trouble…"

Ana and Meghan start laughing. "Rupert? Your name is Rupert?" Melissa says giggling.

"Oh my god, this is going to be so much fun…" She says clapping her hands excited.

"Mel…why don't you occupy yourself with something else huh?" My brother says clearly pissed. "You would watch the clouds for example and look in what form they are shaped…" He says condescending.

"Sure, and when the clouds look down they say…look that one down there is shaped like an idiot, meaning you…" Meghan shots back and sends Melissa a wink.

My father erupts in a fit of laughter. "I think this weekend is going to turn out just fine…" My dad murmurs.

"We are sorry for keeping you all waiting…" Ana's grandfather's voice cuts through the silence of the plane sending Ana to her feet.

"Where is Nana?" She says while she wraps her arms around her grandfather's neck.

"She is talking to the pilot sweetheart…" He kisses the top of her head and smiles down at her. "So how is my oldest granddaughter doing?" Ana doesn't let her grandfather go but clings to his neck and buries her head in his chest.

"Good morning everyone…" Nana walks into the plane her eyes searching for her granddaughter. The moment she sees Ana wrapped around her grandfather she smiles that typical bright Lambert smile. "Enough Anthony…it's my turn to cuddle with Anastasia…" The gigantic bag Nana is carrying is dropped on my lap as she takes her granddaughter in a warm embrace.

When Ana bursts out into tears I see her grandparents watching me with concern etched on their faces. I shake my head and murmur "later"

Ana's reaction isn't surprising. The past few days have been nothing but overwhelming and intense. Add the pregnancy to the mix and the shit going on with José fucking Rodriguez, and I can't blame her for falling apart.

Ana has mentioned a few times now that she misses her mother. I don't think that she really misses her mother, it is more that Ana desperately needs acceptance from her mother. But since Carla is toxic I know my wife will never get the acceptance she is looking for. And if she didn't even accept Ana, how in the hell is she going to accept our child.

I hope Ana realizes that she has excellent role models in her grandmother and my mother. And I know with certainty that those two amazing ladies will love to take on that role.

* * *

"Mom, how could you?" Mia says covering her face with her hands and groans.

"What do you mean honey?" The girls are all sitting together on the massive couch in the living room looking at the photo albums my mother brought with her. _Fucking traditions._

"I know I didn't care much about how I dressed when I was little, but geez…it is obvious that you didn't care much either…"

My mom turns to look at Mia and she seems offended and maybe…just maybe a little bit embarrassed.

"Just look mom…I mean corduroy? And flared pants?" Mia taps her fingernail against the picture to show my mother what she means.

My brother gives me one of his looks telling me that Mia is right. We really looked ridiculous. In addition, my mother had the crazy idea to dress Elliot and me the same.

"We looked stupid…" Elliot says and takes a sip of his beer.

"Don't let your mother hear that boy…" My dad says, but his eyes are fixated on my mother. "She was so damn proud of you…"

"Too bad you had to ruin it all by adopting dork head over here and miss princes over there?"

"No son…it was actually a shame that you learned to talk so damn early…son…it was nonstop…you just didn't know when to stop talking…" My dad winks at him and chuckles.

"Guess, not much has changed then…" I murmur.

Elliot flips me the bird, but not after checking if my mother is watching. _Looser._

"You know, it amazes me every fucking year that they don't get tired of looking at those albums…I mean…we all know that I was a cute kid…" Elliot points with his bear towards the girls who are all cooing and awing over the pictures.

"You need to stop analyzing woman and just do what they tell you son…it is impossible to wrap your head about their way of thinking…their logic… When you argue with a woman…you lose. It's a given." My dad places his water glass on the table and leans on his elbows. His attention is solely on my brother. "I mean you can tell a woman a thousand times she is beautiful and she won't believe you…however if you tell her one time she is fat…she will never forget it…"

"Like Oscar Wilde said. Woman are to be loved, not understood." Ana's grandfather says smugly.

"Yeah well, that maybe true…" My brother starts dryly. "But I rather watch a scary movie like Nemo than being forced in watching those photo albums for the hundredth time…"

"What the hell are you talking about man?"

"Seriously Christian…have you really thought about it…like really thought about it? The movie basically tells the story about a man's wife who is brutally murdered by a serial killer. His son is left physically disabled. Then said son gets kidnapped and the dad has to chase and track the kidnapper thousands of miles. And to top it all off his son only has the help of a very crazy woman…" He raises his eyebrows. _Christ! He is right… fuck._

While I am still pondering about Elliot's description on Nemo, I feel a little, warm hand slipping into mine. When I look down, big brown eyes are looking up at me. _Sam._

"Hey man…where have you been?" I kneel down so that I am on his eyelevel.

"Playing outside…" He says but honestly…he sounds…sad.

"Don't you like to play outside in the snow…" I ask and wipe a strand of hair from his fore head.

"I do…but the girls are just talking…and I really don't want to talk…" He holds his hands in the air as a sign of total exasperation. _I get you dude…I totally get you._

"What do you say if we go outside and build a snowman together?"

"Snowman! Snowman! Snowman!" Sam is clapping his hands and jumping up and down. _Guess, that is a yes then…_

* * *

"Okay, listen buddy, we are going to build a super epic snowman…" I clasp my hands together to get his attention. I bite the inside of my cheek as not to laugh at how Sam looks like. He is definitely clothed warm enough. _Jesus Christ._

Sam is wearing a light blue hooded ski jacket with matching ski pants. He is also wearing those ridiculous looking mittens, fuck I used to hate those fuckers, and a wool scarf. _He looks cute as shit._

He nods his head impatiently and mimics my movement and clasps his glove covered hands together.

"First we need to take a handful of snow and shape it into a ball. We keep packing and packing until we have a super big snow ball…"

I ignore the little eye roll and show him how to properly pack a snowball. "So how is school going?" I ask casually.

"Good…" Sam replies without even looking at me.

"Do you have a nice teacher?"

"Uh huh…"

"And do you have a lot of friends?" His little head snaps up from his task. "Are we going to talk like the girls or are we going to build a snowman?" _Holy fuck._

"Well we can work and talk right?" I reply after a few seconds.

"I guess…" He sighs and continues.

"So and how is Lizzy doing?" I see his little shoulder slump a little and he looks up at me.

"Lizzy is mad at me…" He says after a while.

"Why is that man?" I ask and help him with the snowball. _Yeah, girls are complicated Sam…or you can ask my brother who is getting his balls busted by his very pregnant wife as we speak._

"Because she is a girl and girls are stupid!" He says. He stands up and looks from me to the now expanding snowball. _Ok…guess he doesn't want to talk about Lizzy either._

"Okay…now we are going to do a few quick leg and arm stretches and we are going to roll the ball all over the lawn. When the ball gets large enough it will serve as the base for our snowman…"

"Okay…" Sam is smiling and chatting away about the snow and the snowman while we are rolling the ball.

One hour later, my balls are practically freezing off, but we have finished our epic snowman. "Do you think Uncle Elliot is going to get mad because we used his scarf?" Sam asks me clearly worried.

"Nah man…" I look at Sam closely and I just want that smile to stay on his face.

"Have you ever made a snow angel?" Fuck I can't believe I am actually asking him this. When we were little Mia was crazy about making snow angels.

His little brow furrows and he looks lost for a second. "Watch me…it is so much fun…"

I choose a patch of snow that is large enough for me to lay down and is clear of flaws. I lay down on my back in the snow with my arms and legs outstretched. "You have to make sure to make an imprint with all parts of your body, especially your head…then we stretch our arms and move them back and forth across the snow, keeping them straight. At the same time we move our legs in and out. We are basically doing jumping jacks while laying down." I look at Sam and I am relieved to see that the frown is replaced by a smile.

I stand up, trying not to mess up the snow angel and admire it.

"Now you do it…" I encourage him.

The quiet is suddenly interrupted by giggles and laughter. "Oh my God…I just love making snow angels…" That must be Mia.

"Come on Ana…Meghan…" Ana and Meghan stare at my sister in amazement. _Welcome to the family ladies…_

When I suddenly look up from my phone it is just Ana and me outside. "Where did everyone go?" I ask while I kneel down to sit next to my wife who is making another snow angel. "Mia and Meghan took Sam inside to drink hot chocolate…"

A smile creeps up my face when I see Ana fervently moving her arms back and forth. "Have you ever kissed someone in the snow Ana?" But I don't wait for her answer, I lay down next to her and lift her up so that our heads are close together.

"You must be freezing…" She says while looking at me with those gorgeous eyes.

"I might have a severe case of blue balls now…they are practically glued to my ass…" I whisper back.

Ana giggles and softly brushes her lips over mine. She leaves a trail of butterfly kisses all over my face while she keeps looking at me.

"I love the house…" She whispers. "The view is simply breathtaking…will you wake me in the morning so that we can watch the sunrise together?"

"I will…but now kiss me woman…"

 **Anastasia**

The moment we walk past the kitchen on our way to our room, I am hit by a wave of nausea. I take a deep breath, swallow and follow Christian. While we are reaching our bedroom sweat breaks out across my forehead and my mouth is invaded with saliva. Shit I need to throw up. I pull my hand free from Christian's and dart into our bedroom and run to the adjoining bathroom. I brace my hands on the seat and eject the contents of my stomach.

"Jesus Ana…" Christian is sitting behind me. His warm, big hand is gently circling my back as I heave. With the other hands he is pulling my hair out of the way.

"Go…I'm fine…" But then my treacherous stomach convulses again. I rest my head on my arm and try to push the tears away.

"I am getting my mom…" Christian says and I can hear the panic in his voice.

"No…it is just morning sickness Christian…"

"Ana…" I shake my head and brush my mouth with my sleeve. _Disgusting._ Then I close my eyes and bring my head to Christian's lap.

"Are you done?" Christian is rubbing little circles on my cheek with his finger.

"I don't know…I don't want to move…" I feel sick.

"Ana are you sure that this is morning sickness…it is late afternoon Christian says…." Even though I feel sick and disgusting I giggle.

"Don't laugh at me Ana…I worry…fuck!"

"Christian…it is all right…it was probably the smell in the kitchen…" I think they were making omelets.

"Come on…let's have a shower and then I will ask my mom to make you some chicken broth…"

"I'm fine Christian…and I am having diner downstairs…"

"You are not fine Ana…just stop fucking fighting me over this and let me take care of you." Then suddenly it hits me that he feels useless. He want me to need him. Because there isn't much he can do. He can't carry our baby…so he has to do what he does best. Take care of me.

"I worry Ana…let me take care of you." He says again and this time his voice sounds pleading.

"Okay…"

* * *

"Is this the first time you got sick Anastasia?" Christian is drying me off with the utmost care.

"Yes…I felt nauseous before, but not like this." I admit.

"Why didn't you tell me this?" He says while cradling my face in his hands.

I shrug. "Because you were at work and honestly it was just a little bit of nausea…"

"From now on I want you to tell me everything…." He says sternly. He pulls one of his shirts over my head and guides me towards the bed.

"In you go Mrs. Grey…" Suddenly I feel overwhelmed and sorry for myself. I want to go downstairs and have fun too.

"I will be right back baby. I am going to go downstairs real quick and ask Carmella or my mother if they want to fix you some chicken broth…" I really don't want chicken broth but I just nod.

Not even five minutes later there is a soft knock on the door. Before I can say come in I hear Nana's voice. "Ana…sweetheart…what's wrong?" She looks worried as she places her hand on my fore head. "You don't have a fever sweetheart, maybe it's just a stomach bug…"

"Nana…it is not a stomach bug…"I clear my throat and fidget with my fingers. "I have something for you…will you do me a favor and get that package that is laying on the chest of drawers?"

"Of course…" Nana says smiling at me.

"You can open it…it is for you…" I pat the empty space on the bed and without thinking about it Nana takes of her shoes and joins me on the bed.

She is silent at first when she looks at the wood block stack in her hands. It reads. "The best grandmas get promoted to great grandmas" She brushes her finger slowly over the letters again and again. When I look at her I understand the reason for her silence. Tears are slowly falling from her cheeks.

"Nana…why are you crying?"

"Oh sweet girl…I'm so sorry…it is just…this is wonderful…you are pregnant?" She asks through her tears.

"Yes, we have known now for a few weeks, but we wanted to wait to share it with everyone else…Christian already told his parents and…" Suddenly I am engulfed in my grandmother's arms.

"I just wish your dad was here to share this. He would have been so happy…" She looks at me with a smile on her face and brushes my hair behind my ear. "And Ray…I am sure that he would have been thrilled too…" She kisses my fore head a few times and then whispers. "You are going to be the best mommy ever…don't ever doubt yourself Anastasia…"

"I worry you know…"

"Ana…a baby is going to change your life…"

"I know Nana…no more sleeping in on weekends or spontaneous vacations…"

Nana is looking at me as if trying to decide what she is going to share with me. "That is not what I meant sweetheart…" She smiles and sits next to me her back leaning against the headboard. "From the moment you become a mother…you become vulnerable. You are going to learn about strengths you didn't even knew you had and you will be dealing with fears you didn't even know existed." She pauses briefly while she wipes the tears from my face and smiles.

"There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique, the challenges will be different and your children will be different…as long as you love them deeply and unconditionally." She looks at me as if she is trying to figure out if am hearing what she is saying. And I think I do…so I nod.

"I don't want to become like Carla, Nana…" I say with a trembling voice.

"Oh sweetheart you will never become like her…you are so special. You love so fiercely." She shakes her head again and takes my hands in hers. "Anastasia, the very fact that you worry about being a good mom, means that you are already one…"

"Thank you Nana…I really needed to hear that…" I whisper.

"I am always here for you sweet girl…and so is your grandfather…"

A kind of calm washes over me when I hear my grandmother's words. She is right…I am part of a family now, meaning that I am part of something extraordinarily wonderful. It means to love and be loved, unconditionally…for the rest of my life…no matter what.

 **A/N:**

 **T** **he very fact that you worry about being a good mom, means that you are already one – Quote by Jodi Picoult**


	35. Chapter 35 -

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 35 - Announcements and realizations…**

 **APOV**

"Ana…Ana wake up baby…" I feel Christian's breath against my neck and a shiver runs through my body. Without thinking I snuggle closer to his warm chest. Oh god, this is perfect. A chuckle reverberates from his chest.

"Ana…you told me to wake you so you could see the sunrise…" _I did? Oh, shit…I really did…_

"What time is it…" I croak.

"You really don't want to know…" Christian kisses the top of my head and brushes his finger over my arm. "So how are you feeling?"

"Good…" I answer.

"You didn't eat the broth Carmella made…"

"I know…but it just smelled funny…" I admit. "Besides I ate the crackers your mom brought me later and I drank tonic water…"

Christian nods his head and kisses me again. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you yesterday…I didn't know that you can get morning sickness in the evening…" Even though I can't see his face I know for sure that he is smiling that shy smile. _My favorite._

"It's okay…because you are an awesome husband…and hot too…"

"You think I'm awesome?" Christian slowly pushes me back so that I am laying with my back against the matrass. I finally open my eyes and see him looking at me with eyes full of love.

"Yes, you are the best husband ever…" He smiles at me and looks at my face intently. Brushing the hair from my face he kisses my fore head a few times.

"And because I am the best husband ever I made you some breakfast…" He says proudly. _Oh shit…please let it not be pancakes._ "Well, actually I boiled the water for your tea and Carmella helped me with the toast…" _Oh thank God…_

"Carmella is already awake?" I ask.

"Yeah, found her downstairs…she is preparing breakfast for later I guess…" _God, poor woman._

"Hmm, maybe I should help her..."

"Nope…you are first going to watch the sunset with your amazing and hot husband and then you are going to take a long, hot bath and when we are finished bathing we can join the others downstairs for breakfast…"

"But Christian, that poor woman…"

"She has help Ana. My mom and Nana are helping her later on. Besides it is Carmella's job and she loves it…"

"Now look…" Christian points towards the floor to ceiling window. The view from the bed is perfect. Slowly we watch the sun rising from behind the mountain giving it a beautiful red-orange glow. It looks magical. Like something out of a fairytale. Christian's chest is against my back and I couldn't wish for a better way to watch this amazing sunrise.

"It is beautiful…" I whisper and take Christian's hand in mine and press it against my chest.

"You are beautiful…but first this beautiful woman needs food and so does this little trouble maker here…" His hand brushes against my stomach soothingly and I wish I could lay here all day.

"What do you want on your toast?" Christian ask sitting Indian style on the bed. He is holding the butter knife in his hands and looking at me patiently.

"Strawberry jam…"

Carefully I take a sip of the now lukewarm tea and watch while my husband smears the strawberry jam, with the utmost care on my toast.

"Now eat…" He orders silently. He watches me taking a bite of the delicious toast and he visibly relaxes.

"I also brought you some yoghurt…and granola." He points to another tray on the cabinet. "Oh and Carmella said she would make some fresh orange juice too…so I can get it for you if you want…" He says quickly.

"It is perfect…and delicious…but you need to eat too Christian…"

"I will…but not before I have a word with little blip…" Placing the tray on the bed he moves over to me and lifts my shirt. His lips slowly graze over my belly making me giggle. "That tickles and we don't want any more embarrassing accidents Grey…" I tap his head carefully to make my point.

Looking up at me Christian winks at me and focuses back on my stomach. "Little one…this is your daddy here…" He says sternly. He kisses my belly again and sighs. "I am really not impressed with your behavior yesterday…our job is to take care of mommy and not to make her sick…" Another kiss follows. I weave my fingers through Christian's hair and scrape my fingers gently over his scalp.

"Christian…I have been thinking…"

"About what?" He looks up but then I push his head against my lap and continue the massage on his head. "I have been thinking about baby names…and I just want you to keep an open mind okay?"

"Okay…" He says after a few seconds.

"Normally I don't like it to name children after his parents or grandparents…because…well I just don't like it very much…"

"I agree…" Christian says but he sits up and just looks at me.

"It is that I like the name Alexander…you know after your dad's last name…and then we could name a girl Alexandra and a boy Alexander…" I hold my breath when Christian just continues to look at me. His face is unreadable.

"Do you really mean that? Because I have been thinking the same…it would mean a lot to me and besides I really love the name…it is strong and it fits perfectly with Grey…" _Alexander Grey…yeah that sounds pretty good._ Christian smiles. "Alexandra Grey sounds perfect…" He muses.

"We still would have to think about a second name though…"

Christian nods and looks at my now empty plate. "We still have time baby…you know I can't wait to move into the big house…I can't wait to plant that field with forget-me-nots, I can't wait to build this little blip's nursery…have you decided on what color you want the nursery?"

"No…actually we have had to make so much decisions lately…with the kitchen and the bathrooms…why don't we wait until we know what we are having…"

"You want to know?"

"Yeah…besides I am pretty sure that my controlling husband also wants to know, so that he can be prepared…"

"It is not about control Ana…" He says cocking an eyebrow. When I just stare back he sighs. "Well maybe just a little, but it is mostly being practical…I mean I don't want our little girl wearing boy's clothes." He shakes his head and stares at my stomach. "No, our little girl is going to wear the sweetest dresses ever made…then we are going to buy her those adorable onesies that say…"I'm taken" or…"Daddy's princess…" But the most important one will say. "I am not allowed to date until I am forty!" He is now speaking at my stomach again and god this really makes my eyes water.

"Christian…you know that this could be a boy right?"

"Sure…and the most important thing is that he or she is healthy…but I can't help the feeling that I have that this is going to be a little girl who looks just like her mommy…"

"I love you…" Cradling his face I bring him to my face and kiss those perfect lips.

"I know because I am amazing and hot…" He wiggles his eyebrows and grins.

"Well that and really your big cock is a huge bonus…" In reaction Christian throws his head back and laughs.

"Well Mrs. Grey…let me show you how talented I am with said cock…"

* * *

"Lean with your hands against the wall Ana…" Christian's whispers in my ear. The hot water from the shower cascading around us.

"Are you sure you are feeling better today?" Christian is standing behind me and I can feel his erection brushing against my lower back.

"Yes…yes I am sure…"

"Do you want this hard and fast or slow and sweet?" His mouth is leaving a trail of wet kisses on the back of my neck and it is driving me insane.

"Hard and fast…" I feel his head nodding and then he suddenly turns me around, his large hand gripping my waist.

"Sit on that bench and open your legs for me baby…"

Numbly I follow his order and sit down on the cold, tiled bench. Christian kneels before me and pushes my legs further apart. Before I know it his face is buried between my legs. My head flies back clashing against the wall and my hands grip his wet hair tightly. "Oh shit!"

I feel his warm, skillful tongue circling my clit…his movements are slow and calculated and making me crazy with need. Grinding against his mouth he increases the pressure of his tongue, his fingers are digging into my hips. My heart is beating erratically and my moans sound hollow and almost foreign in my own ears.

"You taste so good baby…"

"I'm close Christian…don't stop now…please…" I tighten the hold I have on his hair and pull him closer if that is even possible.

He removes a hand from my hip and pushes two fingers into me. "Oh God…Christian…!"

Christian is stretching my opening with his fingers, circling and thrusting until he finds that special spot and starts rubbing it…he alternates the stimulation of my clit with his tongue and his thumb.

"Jesus! Christian!" I shout desperately. I need to come. I desperately need to come.

It only takes a few more measured strokes of his thumb and tongue and I am send off the edge. Sparks of pleasure ignite in my body. He keeps licking and stroking, slowly and gently until my body sags down on the bench, my fingers uncurling from his hair.

He kisses his way up to my lips, a small smile is playing on his lips. "That was very nice…" I murmur against his lips.

"Have to do better than nice then…" He replies without missing a beat.

"I'm sorry I pulled your hair…" I say caressing his stubble covered cheek. Christian replies by slamming his mouth against mine, his tongue possessing my mouth. "I love it when you pull my hair…" He says breathlessly against my mouth. "I love it when you shout my name when you are coming…"

We are surrounded by steam now. His chest hair wet and sticking to his skin. I place both my hands on his chest and slide them down until I have reached his tight, perfect ass. "I love you…you have a perfect body Christian…"

"It is all yours baby…" He places his fore head against mine. "It is all yours…"

"I know…" I whisper and move my hands back to the front and take his thick erection in my hand. I wipe my thumb over his tip a few times. Christian groans and leans down to claim my lips again. It is a possessive and sweet kiss at the same time. I start moving my hand from the tip of his erection to the base and then I repeat my actions. With my other hand I tease his balls. "Ana…"

Without finishing his sentence Christian effortlessly grabs me around my waist and pulls me up against his body. My back is leaning against the wall.

"Wrap those amazing legs around my waist baby…" He whispers against my neck and bites me softly. I immediately wrap my legs around his body, his erection slipping over my wet, swollen entrance.

"You wanted hard baby?" He says.

"Yes…"

Christian releases my hip with one hand and guides himself to my entrance. He is looking straight into my eyes when he enters me with one sharp thrust of his hips, filling me completely.

"Christian!" I scream.

"That's it baby…let me hear you…" With each strong thrust my back is slammed against the tiled wall.

"This feels so good…" I moan and throw my head back. Christian keeps thrusting and his lips are sucking at my throat.

"You feel fucking amazing baby…" He groans. He continues with his measured, strong strokes. His mouth is back on mine. The intensity of our joined bodies is simply amazing. Christian gasps and moans against my neck making me tighten my hold with my legs around his hips.

"Is this hard enough for you?" He pants against my mouth.

"Harder…" I pant back.

Christian groans loudly and increases his movements, increasing the friction and throwing me over the edge one more time.

"Christian!"

His body is trembling and jerking against mine as he yells my name and I feel the warmth of his release inside me. With my head slumped against Christian's shoulder he slowly keeps moving his hips.

"Jesus Christ…" he whispers breathlessly. "You are going to be the death of me Anastasia…"

I nod my head, simply because I have no words. I am rendered speechless. My entire body feels like jelly and I know I won't be able to stand. Christian then turns us so that his back is against the tiles and slides down the wall, taking me with him, straddling his lap. I lean my face against his chest.

I'm worn-out. The nausea is gone, but it is now replaced with complete exhaustion.

 **CPOV**

The large table is packed with food as we sit down to have the typical Grey Thanksgiving breakfast. Next to the large table there is a smaller, round table where the kids are sitting. I bite the inside of my cheek when I see Sam seated in between all girls.

I can see that Ana is feeling uncomfortable with all the attention she is getting since everyone is asking her how she feels.

"Good morning sis…" Elliot kisses Ana on the cheek and sits down next to her. "Feeling better this morning huh?" A mischievous grin spreads on his face and his eyes are twinkling. _Oh fuck. He heard us this morning._ Ana looks at him and nods her head. "Yeah I'm feeling much better thank you Elliot…"

"Yeah, heard you loud and clear…" He replies smugly. Ana's face turns into puce as she leans her head to his ear and whispers something. Elliot eyes grow wide and he brings his hands up in the air as a form of surrender. "Understood?" I hear Ana say.

"Perfectly…" Elliot mutters.

"What did you say to him?" I ask Ana a while later.

"It might have had something to do with blunt knives and his family jewels…" She deadpans.

From the corner of my eye I watch my brother watch Ben. _Nothing good can come from that look._ My mother is also watching him, but Elliot is no fool…he intentionally ignores my mother. Ben is Dani's boyfriend and a doctor in the same hospital she works. I didn't get to read the background check, but Taylor told me that there were no red flags. Ben is 32 years old, has no children and happens to live near my parents. They met when Dani started on her internship and what started as a friendship bloomed into a relationship. I still need to have a little talk with Ben though. I want to make sure that his feelings towards Dani and Sam are serious and sincere. I would hate if Sam would be hurt in the process. I don't care what Dani does, as long as Sam doesn't get hurt.

"So Ben…" My brother says after shoving a forkful of pancakes in his mouth. "Dani told me you are a doctor?"

"Yes…as a matter of fact I am…" Ben replies rather stiffly. His cheeks heat up and he swallows as all eyes turn in his direction.

"What kind of doctor?" Elliot asks again and I see my mother shaking her head. _Warning!_ However from the little smirk on his mouth I know that my brother knows exactly what kind of doctor he is.

"I am a gastroenterologist…" Ben replies proudly. _Well fuck what is a gastroenterologist?_

"Oh really? And what does a gastroenterologist do exactly?" Elliot casually wipes his mouth with his napkin and casually leans back in his chair. Ana is shaking her head while she busies herself with her breakfast.

"I specialize in the diseases of the gastrointestinal tract and liver." Ben says as he keeps his eyes on Elliot.

"Aw man…so you put cameras in people's butts?"

"Elliot!" My mother admonishes my brother and throws her napkin on the table. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"If you want to put it that way…yes…" Ben says with a smile on his face. "However…"

"Man that is shit!" Elliot says rudely cutting him off.

Ana's shoulders are shaking while she holds the napkin in front of her mouth. My dad is smirking and my mother looks as if she wants to be everywhere but here.

My mother is looking at my dad as if she wants to choke him right now. Then her hand disappears under the table and my dad winces visibly. "Gracie…what was that for?" He whisper-yells.

"Because you are smirking like a loon!" My mother says.

"It is really no problem Mr. and Mrs. Grey…this is not the first time I heard that joke and it probably won't be the last…" Ben says still smiling.

Then I hear the tiniest giggle coming from the table next to us. It is my buddy Sam. "Elliot said butt…" Sam points his finger to Elliot and continues laughing. "Mommy, did you hear that…Uncle Elliot said butt…"

Then my eyes are drawn to Mia. She looks absolutely happy. Her cheeks have a light flush as she leans towards Ethan to whisper something in his ear. He reacts by brushing away her dark hair from her face and placing a soft kiss on her temple.

"Oh God…I can't hold it back any longer…" Mia throws her napkin on the table and looks around her eyes briefly meeting mine. "We wanted to share this news with you during thanksgiving dinner, but well fact is that Ethan proposed to me while we were in Paris…and I said yes!" She squeals, jumps from her seat and throws herself in my dad's arms, who is sitting right beside her. Ethan is smiling and shaking his head. With a squeeze I let go of Ana's hand and stand up to congratulate my sister.

"Congratulations Mia…" I whisper in her ear.

"Thank you…" She sniffs. "I am so happy…I didn't see it coming and then he just went down on one knee on top of the Sacre Coeur… it was so romantic…" I kiss her fore head and look into her smiling brown eyes. She looks happy, just like she says. And I know that Ethan is a good guy. Besides he knows the consequences…Elliot and I made that perfectly clear. But I know for certain that Ethan Kavanagh is good for my little sister.

"Have you already set a date?" Ana is holding both Mia's hands and looking thrilled. "Oh my god I am sure that Ethan's mom is going to design your dress right? Oh Mia Ethan is perfect for you…" Ana keeps rambling on while the smile on her face gets wider and wider.

"I know Ethan is perfect…" Mia gushes and gets this faraway look on her face. "I hope you want to be my maid of honor though…" Tears are now glistening in my sister's eyes.

"Me? Your maid of honor?" Ana says disbelievingly.

"Of course…you are my sister Ana and I couldn't think of anyone better for the job…"

"It would be an honor…" Ana says smiling.

It takes a good ten minutes before we are all seated again. "Since Mia and Ethan shared this wonderful news with us, we would like to make another announcement…" My brother says. He brushes his hands through his blonde curls and winks at my mom who is beaming along with him.

"We are having a boy!" Elliot yells and wraps his arms around his wife.

Ana is the first to congratulate Elliot since she is seated next to him. She jumps of her chair with a little squeal and hugs my brother.

My mother is bawling her eyes out leaning against my dad's shoulder. Mia is jumping up and down clapping her hands. "Come here man…" I take my brother in a hug and clap him a few times on his back. "Job well done Lelliot…that is what you wanted right a boy?"

"Fuck yeah…I was so fucking relieved I almost pissed my pants dude…" Our conversation is interrupted by my parents who are now hugging Elliot and Meghan.

"This feel unreal don't you think?" Ana whispers in my ear. "Elliot and Meghan are having a little boy…"

"Do you want to tell them about our little baby?"

"I don't know…I mean it was first Mia and then Elliot…maybe we should wait…" Ana says hesitantly while she watches the group congratulating Meghan and Elliot.

"I don't care…I want to share it too…let's wait until everyone is seated again okay…" I kiss my wife's fore head and pull her against me.

"Okay…" She murmurs against my chest.

"Mel can you go and sit next to Mia please?" I ask. Carmella has already cleared the table and we are all listening to Elliot who is going on and on about his little boy and how cute he looked on the ultrasound.

"Sure what's up?" Instead of sitting next to Mia, Melissa casually leans against chair Mia is sitting in.

"Well…Mia, Melissa…you are both great, beautiful, smart…charismatic. You are both so great in fact, that Ana and I have been thinking that a promotion is in order. Does aunt work for you?"

Mia's eyes go to Elliot and then back to me. Her hand flies to her mouth and the tears gather in her eyes. "Oh my god…" She whispers. "Oh my god…Mel…Mel…did you hear that? We are going to be aunties twice!"

For the next twenty minutes there is, again, a lot of crying, laughing and questions. And while I watch Ana being hugged, kissed and congratulated I can only think about how right this is. My mind goes back to something Ana told me a while ago. She said that being a family means you are part of something wonderful…it means you will love and be loved. And even though our family is the perfect example of chaos, I wouldn't want it any other way. And I know for a fact, that our twelve week old baby, who is now approximately the size of a lime is already loved.

* * *

While everyone is minding their own business Ana and I have snuck away to the library. Ana is laying on the couch reading a manuscript with her feet on my lap. From here we can hear the kids playing outside. "I could get used to this…" I say and pinch Ana's toe.

"God…yes…" She moans. "It is breathtaking here…and so peaceful…" Placing the manuscript on the floor she turns her head and looks at me.

"Did you hire a decorator?"  
"Yes. Gia Matteo decorated the house…" Ana's eyes turn to little slits as I watch the wheels in her head turning. _3…2…1…_

"Ugh Really? That bitch? You know she probably only accepted the job to get into your pants…" She huffs. "I mean she was all fake smiles, and hi Christian…bye Christian…oh that's just lovely Christian…oh look at my perfect butt Christian…and oh did you see that I just unbuttoned my blouse so that you can look at my perfect cleavage?" Ana is speaking in a high fake voice and fuck if she isn't cute when she gets jealous.

"You don't like the house then?" I say and lift her off the couch and place her on my lap.

"That's not the point Christian, it is just that I don't like her…" _No shit baby…could have fooled me…_

"If it bothers you that she decorated this house, then you hire another decorator and change everything. I don't give a shit as long as you are happy…"

"I just hate that she is good at her job you know…"

"Ana, I don't like Gia. I only hired her because Elliot recommended her. And as for her cleavage…her tits are fake…"

"How do you know she has fake breasts?" Ana screeches and pushes against my chest.

"Elliot told me…but enough about Gia and her fake tits…Just shut up and kiss me woman…" I say before she can reply. My hands slip under her shirt until I reach _her_ perfect breasts.

"Oh God that is true…Elliot had a thing with her…" She whispers.

"Ana, Elliot used to fuck everything with a pulse…" I place my mouth over hers and pull the cups of her bra down to give me better access to her perfect nipples.

"Christian, anyone could come in…" Ana moans.

"That will make this even more exciting…" The words haven't even left my mouth when there is a soft knock on the door and Ana immediately jumps from my lap and adjusts her bra.

"Come in…" Ana sing songs. Casually she throws me a pillow from the couch and points to my erection. "Don't want to traumatize anyone…" She winks.

My parents walk into the library holding hands and they take a seat on the seats across from us.

"First…" My mom starts. "We would like to thank you for inviting us here today. You have no idea how much this means to us…" I just cock my eyebrow to tell her that I know perfectly well how this came to be. My dad is smirking but keeps quiet.

"You are welcome…" Ana says and moves closer to me.

"There is something else we would like to discuss with you…" My dad continues. "Your mother and I would like to take up on your offer to spend a week in Greece…"

"Of course…" Ana replies immediately. "It is so perfect there…I will ask Taylor to arrange everything if you tell me when you exactly want to leave…" Ana says and fuck it is a huge turn on that she takes control like this.

My parents both nod gratefully. "We also wanted to ask you if it is alright if Melissa stays with you…"

"Of course she can stay with us…" Ana replies immediately.

"Mom, we are planning in going to Detroit…and we planned on going the first week of December…"

"Are you going to Detroit for business?" My mother asks carefully. Her eyes shifting from me to Ana.

"No…we are going to visit my….to Ella's and Collin's grave…"

"That's wonderful son…" My dad replies gruffly and pulls my mother closer to him by wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"I assume you read the information I gave you?"

"Yes…I did…"

There is suddenly we hear commotion in the hallway and after a short knock the door flies open.

"Mom, Ana…Mia said she needs your help downstairs…something about the turkey…" The door closes as quickly as it opened and then it opens again. "Oh hi dad….hi Christian…by dad…by Christian…" Melissa giggles and shuts the door behind her.

"If you want me to stay here with you…" Ana asks.

"No…go my dad and I will join you in a minute…."

"Are you sure?" She tries again.

"Absolutely sure…"

With a kiss on my forehead Ana follows my mother and leaves the library leaving me and my dad alone.

"Collin Alexander…" My dad says breaking the silence. My head snaps up to meet his eyes, but my dad doesn't look angry though.

"How…how did you know?"

"I knew since the day you came to live with us son…your father's name was on your birth certificate…" The silence stretches and I have never felt so stupid in my life. "I tried to tell you a couple of times…" I nod my head confirming what he just said. Fuck. I pushed him and my mom away every time they wanted to discuss my biological mother. Because I thought I had it all figured out. _She was a crack-whore who didn't love me. Fuck._

"When you were ten years old I asked a buddy of mine in Detroit to look for information about your parents…it took him a while, but he found out quite a lot. I have that file in my office at home. So whenever you are ready…"

"Mom told me that you also tried to find out who Ella's pimp was…"

Anger flashes through my father's eyes. "Yes, but there was nothing I could work with. No name…nothing…"

"Eric…the fucker's name was Eric…" I say.

"The detective I hired asked around in the apartment building you lived with your mother…most tenants were in the same situation as your mother. They were afraid to talk. There was one girl though who tried to help us, she lived across the hall…according to the detective she looked afraid and acted skittish…she told him to return the following week. When he did she was gone…the apartment was empty…"

"Remember the box mom gave me a few weeks ago?"

"Yes…that was the box that we were given when we brought you home. I remember that it held clothes, some toys and books?"

"Journals…those were Ella's journals…"

"I see…and did you read them?"

"Yes…I did. It seems that Ella and Collin were truly in love with each other. When Ella got pregnant…they were shocked but happy and they tried to make something out of life you know…my father…I mean Collin was, regardless of his age, a hard working guy who loved my mother…Ella…who loved Ella and me very much…My birth parents did the best they could..."

"I am glad to hear that Christian…" My dad says and clears his throat. "And another thing. Don't feel guilty towards me or your mother to call them your parents. Because they are your parents just as much as your mother and I are."

"Dad…"

"Listen to me Christian…your mother and I have always been honest with our children about the fact that you were adopted. And we always expected that sooner or later you wanted to know about your roots. I think it is primal to develop a full identity. Who am I? How did I came into the world? As long as you are 'shadowed' by an unknown past, by an unseen set of truths that we know little if anything about, then a child may not develop to his or her fullest potential. We understand the importance of this need. That's why we were always honest with you."

I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and when I look up I see my mother looking down at me with tears in her eyes. "Mom…I didn't hear you come in…" My mother smiles a sad smile and brushes her hand through my hair.

"You know…I once witnessed a mother give her child up for adoption. She was still very young, but very wise for her age. She said and I quote: _"Children are never really ours, they are just entrusted by us for a time by God."_ She placed a final kiss on her baby's fore head and passed him to the waiting arms of the adoptive parents." With a smile on her face that doesn't really reach her eyes, my mother sits beside me and takes my hand in hers.

"Never feel guilty towards us Christian…because your dad and I can't even express the depth of our gratitude towards your parents. It is really okay Christian to love your birthparents…because by bringing you to this world they gave us a son when they weren't able to take care of you anymore. Every time I looked in to your eyes when you were little I was moved to tears by your beauty, tenderness, the simple joy and your peacefulness. Your smile was magnificent. You were truly a gift." She pauses briefly to clean hear face. "I wish I knew more about your mother, I can only imagine how deeply she must have cared for you. I don't have answers for the choices she made…I just hope that I am the kind of mother she wanted her baby to have. I am sorry that I couldn't give you a life free from pain or hurt, but I promise to stay by your side through any obstacles you may encounter during the rest of your life."

"Mom…" I pull my mom against my chest and hold her tightly burying my face on her shoulder.

"You are the best mother mom…"

"You are so sweet…" She takes my face in her hands and just stares at me while the tears slide from her cheeks.

"Go and visit your parents Christian. Find that closure you so desperately need. Accept that they loved you very much and that you were very welcome…besides your heart is big enough to love all of us…"

While I hold my mother in my arms I realize what she is telling me. I always knew I was adopted, but growing up I was too fucked to learn about my own origins. Then twenty five years later I find out that I was really wanted and loved by my birthparents. When Grace and Carrick decided to adopt me…they got me…and I got a chance at the kind of life all children deserve.

* * *

 **A/N.: I am extremely sorry that I couldn't update last Monday, but** **my mother was suddenly hospitalized. In the meantime, she has been released and is now recovering at home.**

 **Next update: Thursday.**

 **Take care and thank you for reading!**

 **Alner X**


	36. Chapter 36 - José

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 36 – José**

 **APOV**

"Good morning Gail." I greet Gail as I enter our kitchen. See I have become much better at this, I am now actually capable of pushing past that morning mood. Sure, it still needs a lot of improving, but hey…Rome wasn't built in a day either…Granted, it also helps that everyone knows by now exactly how to behave. Meaning; do not speak unless spoken to. The only one who doesn't care about my morning mood is Christian. He wakes me every morning with sweet kisses that lead to sweet-sleepy sex…however not this morning. This morning when I was finally able to open my eyes I found Christian's side of the bed empty and cold, meaning that he had been awake for some time now.

"Good morning Ana…" With her signature smile Gail places a cup of tea on the counter.

"Thank you Gail…have you seen Christian?"

"He is in his study Ana…" A look of concern passes her face, but it is too quick to really know for sure.

"Is he in a meeting?" Before Gail can answer my question we both look back to the hallway leading to Christian's office were we hear a door slamming. A few moments later Sawyer crosses the kitchen and acknowledges us with a simple nod of his head. _Okay…_

Taking my cup of tea from the counter I slowly make my way to Christian's office. Even with the door closed I can hear him pounding on his keyboard. Maybe I can persuade him in staying the weekend at Bainbridge Island. The last time we were there was when we had the miscarriage and we had to leave because of the paparazzi. _Bainbridge Island sounds great…_

"Good morning…" I say in my happiest voice. I close the door behind me but stay standing close to the door. I look up at my husband and see the stiffness in his shoulders, the only indication that he heard me entering his office is the slight pause in his typing. Everything about Christian's body language screams back the fuck off. He looks incredibly handsome with his damp hair and white shirt. _Angry but handsome._

"Call the Graphic Department and tell them to find another photographer for that book…" Christian slides his phone over his desk and penetrates me with his icy glare. _No good morning?_

"Ana are you deaf?" He continues when I don't react immediately. "I told you…"

"And I told you Christian that I asked Mike to handle this. From what he told me, the Graphic Department looked into José's work and they approved. He is shooting the cover of those books." Tiredly I rub my forehead with my hand and close my eyes. God, how I wish we could be back in Aspen. But ever since we returned a few days ago Christian has been talking about José. Honestly, I know where he is coming from but it seems that he got the job fair and square. From what Mike told me, José didn't even know that we were publishing the books.

"You are the fucking CEO of Lambert Publishing!" Christian says through gritted teeth. He is barely holding on to his temper.

"I know and that is why I am telling you that I already took care of that…"

"To me it seems that you didn't take care of it but Mike did…"

Since I don't want to spend another minute in this office, knowing that it will lead to a fight of epic proportions I take a step back and turn around to open the door. "Ana…we are having a discussion here…"

Turning around on my heels I pin him down with my stare. "This is not a discussion, this is you telling me what to do…and since I don't want to fight I am going to the library to read. When and if you are able in having a real discussion you know where to find me…"

"Did you forget what that fucker did?" He bristles. "Did you forget that he was taking fucking drugs in front of his son?"

"No…because how could I Christian. You have been repeating it since you heard that José was hired to take those pictures…" When Christian's eyes rake over my body I quickly close my robe and squint my eyes at him.

"You know…you should really make up your mind." I continue my rant. Christian's eyebrow rise in surprise and he staples his hands in front of his mouth. _Cocky asshole._

"Before we left for Aspen you told me to let Mike take care of it…now you are telling me that I am the CEO and that I should take care of it. So what is it going to be?"

"I don't trust him…" Christian replies stubbornly.

"Well, I didn't trust Dani either and you told me that she deserved a second chance…I think that José deserves a second chance too."

Christian closes his eyes and lowers his head. A sigh escapes his mouth and immediately his hands fly to his hair.

"I fucked up again didn't I?" He grunts.

"Yes…actually you did. Now I am going to have breakfast and then I am going to spend some time in the library…"

"Ana…"

"No Christian…no more "I am so sorry"…or "I fucked up". You have to realize that I am not your punching bag whenever things don't go the way you like. I would like to suggest to stay here in your office until you are ready to remove that stick from your ass…"

 **Christian**

What the fuck? _Remove that stick from my ass?_ I most certainly don't have a stick up my ass…right?

Instead of staying here, like my very pissed of wife instructed, I would preferably go after her and let her strip, because what I saw underneath that robe…I like very much.

She is right though, I really need to get my shit together, because the last thing I want to do is fight with her.

Oh fuck it! There is no fucking way I am going to wait any longer. Thirty minutes have been long enough for her anger to reduce. I close my laptop and make my way to the kitchen. Gail spins on her heels and watches me nervously.

"Ana isn't having breakfast?" I grunt.

"She took it with her to the library Mr. Grey…"

"Thank you Gail…"

My wife however is not in the library. I panic just a little bit when I open the door and find her favorite chair empty.

When I enter our bedroom I hear the shower running. Since I value my nuts and my life I decide to wait for her. It takes about then minutes before my beautiful wife enters the bedroom. She has a white towel wrapped around her body. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head.

"So, I assume you got the stick removed?" She says without even looking at me.

"You look beautiful…" I say lamely…still sitting on our bed.

"Yeah…so not working Grey…" She sighs and starts rummaging through one of the drawers. Mindlessly she places a hideous cotton bra and panties on top of the dresser.

"Ana…I want to apologize…"

"Sure…talk." She says moving her hand in the air in a bored manner. _Yeah, I deserve that._

"First I want to say that I think you are doing an excellent job with Lambert Publishing." Her eyes move to mine. She looks surprised.

"Really?"

"Yeah…really…and I am fucking proud of my wife." And I mean every word. She is doing an amazing job.

"Okay…"

"And I also want to say that I was completely out of line this morning. I trust you…I just don't trust him. And you are right…he deserves a second chance…" Very carefully I lean down and kiss the tip of her button nose.

"I also want to say that I love you…"

"I love you too…but…"

"Hush…I am talking now…" I say placing my finger over her lips. I clear my throat and cup her face with my hands.

"I have already told you this several times, but while growing up I never imagined that I would get married to the most beautiful woman in the world…" Her brow furrows slightly while her eyes shine with unshed tears.

"I am not beautiful…" She whispers.

"Anastasia…you are the kind of beautiful that really gets me. You even laugh at all of my non-funny jokes…" I whisper back. "You are the only one who can put me in my place without batting an eye. You…my beautiful Anastasia have transformed me from a man who never thought that he was possible to love to a man who fell hard, stumbling over my feet because I am so tangled up in you…"

"Why do you say those things?" She says and places her hands on my hips.

"Because they are true…"

"Yes, but it makes it super hard to stay mad at you…" She says giving me a tiny smile.

"So that means we are good then?"

"No…no by all means keep talking…" She giggles. I skim my lips against hers and kiss her a few times. First on both sides of her mouth and then I slowly brush my tongue against her lips…

"Are we good now?"

"You are nervous about Detroit aren't you?" Ana's hands slide from my waist to my chest.

"I am…" Her eyes soften and she slowly leans her head to one side.

"It is going to be all right Christian…" _I hope so…_

"What's with those hideous panties?" I say motioning with my head towards the dresser.

"I don't have any other bra that fits anymore." She says sullenly taking a step away from me.

"What do you mean?" Taking her chin between my thumb and forefinger I force her to look at me.

"It means…that they don't fit anymore…" She whines. "If I wear one of my regular bras then I have four boobs instead of one…"

"Four boobs baby?" _Interesting._

"Yes Christian…" She says exasperatedly. "Because my breasts are spilling out of my bra cups..."This time she pouts and I have to bite the inside of my cheek so I don't laugh. _Since I don't think my opinion would be appreciated I keep quiet._

"Then let's go to Neiman Marcus so we can get you some new bras." _I really would appreciate a private show too…_

"I can't…Kate called when you were busy pulling that stick out of your ass and she is coming over in about fifteen minutes." She says glancing at the alarm clock.

 _Kate fucking Kavanagh? Fuck._

"Don't look like that. You brought this all on yourself, because I was in a really good mood this morning, but then you had to ruin everything…" She drops the towel that was covering her body and turns to face me. _Fuck! Her tits are bigger and they look fucking fantastic. She looks perfect._ She reaches to for the hideous bra on the dresser and I let my eyes feast over her gorgeous body. And that is when I see it. _She has a little bump._

"Ana…" I croak.

"No funny business now Grey…I really don't have time…"

"Look…" I point to her stomach and carefully take a step closer. "You have a really tiny bump…"

"I do? Oh my gosh…I really have a bump…" She says looking in the mirror. The look on my wife's face is absolutely priceless, but then her eyes get watery and before I know it she is holding on to me for dear life. Fuck and she is naked and we don't have time…

"Baby what's wrong?" I am really proud at myself that I am able to get a proper word out with her perfect tits pressed against my chest.

"I really have a bump…" She sobs.

"Yeah and you look beautiful…but why are you crying?"

"Because this is really happening…" She sniffs. "We are now thirteen weeks along and our baby is the size of a peach and did you know it even has fingerprints?"

"Amazing right?"

"I was so worried…that…that…"

"Shhh…I know baby _._ " _I was fucking worried too._ I kiss the top of her head a few times and let myself slide down her body until I am face to face with the most perfect bump ever.

"Hey there little baby…" I say with my lips pressed against Ana's stomach. "Mommy just told me that you are now the size of a peach…just grow until you are the size of a fucking basketball…"

Ana giggles and rakes her fingers through my hair. "You know that I need to push this baby out right?" I cringe at the idea. Anyway, there is no fucking way Ana is delivering this baby the natural way. _She is having a C-section._

"You are having a C-section baby…there is no need to push…" Ana immediately tenses and I just know that I fucked up again.

"I am not having a C-Section Christian." She says resolute.

"Ana…I don't think it is necessary to go through so much pain…besides if we have a planned caesarean we will know exactly when the baby will be born."

"Do you have any idea what the risks are of having a C-section?" _Risks?_ "You don't do you?" Ana says. Her hands on her hips and she is still fucking naked. No way I can have a normal conversation with my wife standing naked in front of me.

"Why don't we leave this discussion for another day okay?"

"There won't be another discussion. I am not having a C-section unless our baby is at risk…"

Shit, she is getting all worked up. What the fuck is wrong with me.

"Come here…I don't want to fight with you baby…"

"I don't want to fight either…" She murmurs against my chest. "But I really need to get dressed now."

Reluctantly I release her and let myself fall back on the bed, covering my eyes with my arm. "What are you doing Christian?"

"Ana, you have been parading around naked for the last fifteen minutes. I have a massive boner and I am trying to get it down…"

"By laying on the bed?"

"I am thinking about Kate…that will do the job…" _Yup…working._

* * *

"Oh my god…he has gotten so big already." Ana says looking down at little Jesse who is curiously looking up at her.

"Kate…" I nod my head at her and then turn my attention back to that cute little guy. _He is really cute…_

"Christian…" She gives me a tight smile and looks nervously around the apartment.

"Oh and look at his hair…" Ana gushes. _What hair? The kid is practically bald._

"Why don't you ladies sit down while I arrange some refreshments?" I make my way to the kitchen to ask Gail to fix us some refreshments.

"Why don't you join the ladies Mr. Grey? I will bring the refreshments in a few minutes."

"Thank you Gail."

"Can I hold him?" I hear Ana ask when I walk back into the great room.

"Sure…" Kate replies. She picks her son up from his carrier and carefully hands him to Ana.

"He doesn't stop smiling…" Kate prattles. "He is so happy and content…" _And that ladies and gentlemen is a fucking miracle considering he has the most stupid parents ever._ Jesse is looking up at Ana with big green eyes, sucking at his little hands.

"Is he hungry?" Ana asks without taking her eyes off the little guy.

"He is due in about thirty minutes." Kate says looking at her watch.

"Are you breastfeeding him?"

"Uhm…I tried…It seem I had an inadequate supply of breast milk, besides it hurt like shit. Damn Ana, you should have seen my nipples!" _Lalalalalalalalalala._ _Oh fuck! I don't want to hear anything about Kate's fucking nipples._

"Give him to me…" I say and take the little guy who is getting fussy, from Ana.

"Don't drop him Grey…" Kate says and flashes me one of her icy glares.

"I won't…now where is his milk? We don't want this little guy traumatized while he spends time with two babbling girls…"

"You need to change his diaper before you feed him…" Kate hands me a humongous bag and cocks her eyebrow.

"I can handle changing his diaper Kavanagh…" _I mean I manage a billion dollar business…I sure as fuck can handle changing a fucking diaper._

"Are you sure Christian?" My wife looks up at me. "Sure baby, don't worry…I have everything under control…"

"Fine I will heat up his bottle if you change his diaper…"

"Now let us see what we have here…" Jesse is laying on our bed, still sucking at his little fists while I check the contents of the diaper bag.

"Listen to me little guy…you have to cooperate or I am going to make a fool out of myself…I sure as fuck don't want to make a fool out of myself in front of your crazy ass mom…I will never live that down…" I grab a diaper out of the bag and inspect it closely. Well fuck, what is the front and what is the back of this thing?

"The tapes go from the back to the front…" I look up and see my wife standing at the door, a little wicked smile on her face.

I give her a small smile. Fuck, this is even harder than I thought.

"You need to have everything ready before you undress him Christian." She takes a few steps into our bedroom. "You need baby wipes, a clean diaper and ointment…" She raises her eyebrow and smiles.

I start undressing the little guy while the beads of sweat sliding down my spine. _You and your big mouth Grey!_

And then shit gets real. We hear a _splat._

"Oh shit…" Ana whispers.

"What?"

"Hmm…I think he just pooped…" Ana giggles.

I look at Jesse who is now giving me a toothless grin _. Dude…. Not cool._ And what the fuck? The smell is horrendous. I cast a sidelong glance at my wife and see her eyes wide and frightened.

"Oh shit Christian…it is all over his legs…"

Oh shit. Sure enough…I look down and he somehow managed to miss his diaper. His legs, his clothes and the duvet are covered in a yellow, stinky mess. _That is a lot of shit for a little boy._

"Is this normal?"

My wife just shrugs. _Not helping here baby._

Ana immediately starts handing me wipes but this is really horrendous. It is everywhere. "You probably want to check his back too…" Ana whispers.

"His back?" _What the fuck?_

"Christian just remove the freaking diaper before he starts to cry…and oh cover his…his penis…he may pee…"

 _This is just getting better and better._

"I will get you a wet cloth…" Ana mumbles and disappears into the bathroom.

"This is not cool Jesse…and oh…man you got shit everywhere you managed to get it all over your little dick man…because let me explain something important to you, we dudes don't call our dicks a penis…nope…it is a dick. Pay attention, because I am only going to say this once; It is simple biology. A penis is the male reproductive organ, it is used for procreation purposes and urination only…men have a penis, and woman have vaginas. It is the thing that distinguishes men from women. So don't be uncool and just listen to my advice…"

"Are you really talking to him about dicks?" Ana hisses at me.

"No better time than the present Ana…"

"You are unbelievable…" She whispers and hands me the wet cloth. "Clean him!" She orders.

It takes me about thirty excruciatingly long minutes to clean the little guy. Kate is right though. He is a sweet little dude. He didn't cry once…

"Now let's get you fed…"

I have no idea how much time I have spent changing Jesse's diaper and feeding him, but as soon as I step into her hallway I hear raised voices. Quickening my steps I finally enter the great room and I don't like what I am seeing at all. José fucking Rodriguez is standing in my home…arguing with my wife.

Kate looks confused as she watches Ana's and José's interaction.

"What the fuck are you going here Rodriguez?" I hand Jesse over to Kate and quickly make my way to where Ana is standing.

"I came to talk to Ana…" He says lamely. His eyes are darting from Ana to Kate and then back to me. _Fucker._

"How did you get in?" I bellow.

"Ana let me in…" He says smugly. _She did what?_ I feel Ana's hand taking hold of mine and she gives it a little squeeze. "He told Taylor that he wanted to talk…that he came here to say goodbye…" Ana's voice is trembling. I am so fucking mad at her right now, that I can't even see straight.

"Talk!" I say.

"I would like to talk to Ana in private…"

"Everything you have to say, you can say in front of my husband…" Ana replies.

"Look man, I didn't come here to fight…"

Without giving it another thought I pull my hand away from Ana's and walk to where he is standing. He looks like shit. His hair is long, almost reaching his shoulders and I can see the tattoo's on his neck. I shove him a few times until his back is against the wall, then I grab the collar of his coat and squeeze. "I fucking hate you Rodriguez…I have wanted to do this ever since that day that I found you stoned out of your ugly head in front of your son…you are a fucking disgrace." I hiss into his face.

"Christian…please…" Ana whispers.

"Talk…man because I am seconds away of kicking your ass…"

"Mr. Grey…I don't think this is…"

"Back the fuck away Taylor!" I scream without looking at him.

"Feeling a little aggressive Grey?" Rodriguez chokes. _I will give this tattooed shit face aggressive._

"Stop it! Both of you please…" Ana says and her voice sounds so fucking weak that I look back and see her swaying on her feet. Then I see my wife slowly falling to the floor.

"Ana!" _Fuck…fuck…fuck._

"Call my mother Taylor!"

Kate is sitting next to me on the floor while I hold my wife in my arms rocking her back and forth. Please don't let anything be wrong with her or the baby. Please…

"She is pregnant Kate…" I whisper.

"She is going to be all right Grey…she is strong…" Kate says holding on to Ana's hand. "It is probably stress…"

Gail appears with a wet cloth and starts lovingly wiping it across Ana's face. "Wake up Ana…wake up Ana…" I chant over and over.

Then slowly Ana starts moaning and her eyes flutter open. "Thank fuck! Ana please look at me…look at me…"

"Christian? what happened?"

"I don't know…fuck are you feeling all right?" Ana's eye furrow and she looks confused. "I…I suddenly couldn't breathe and I started to feel dizzy and I wanted to sit down…" Fear then crosses her features. "The baby….Christian…the baby…"

"My mom is on her way Ana…are you in pain?"

"No…no I don't feel pain…I just feel so dizzy…"

"Why don't you try and lay down on your side Ana…" Gail says as she rubs Ana's hand.

"I will take her to our bedroom…" Rising from the floor with Ana in my arms I look to where José is standing.

"Consider yourself a dead man if anything happens to my wife or child. Taylor take him away…"

 **APOV**

"Christian…I really want to get up now." I whine. I have been lying in bed since this afternoon and frankly I am getting restless. Christian only lets me out of bed to use the bathroom. And even then my husband doesn't leave my side.

"Why don't we watch a movie?" He says with feigned enthusiasm.

"I don't want to watch a movie Christian. I just want to walk downstairs on my own and have dinner with you…please. You heard your mother…it is normal to faint during pregnancy…I am all right and so is the baby…please…" I plead and brush my finger against his lips. Christian doesn't react though.

"You are mad at me…"

"Ana…mad doesn't even cover it…" Christian closes his eyes and breaths deeply. "Look I don't want to stress you out…"

"He is leaving to Mexico…José told me that he accepted a job in Mexico. He said that it is incredibly difficult to find a good job. No one wants to hire him since he has a past with drugs…the fact that he has just been released from a mental facility doesn't work well for him either." Christian's face remains impassive. I scoot a little closer and place my head on his chest. Finally his arms wrap around me and he kisses the top of my head.

"He has family living there. An aunt I believe he said…he is going to live with her until he can find a place of his own. He talked to Dani and he agreed on helping her with child support…"

"Why were you yelling at him?"

"He…he told me that I had made a mistake in marrying you…he asked me to go with him to Mexico…"

"That son of a bitch…" Christian curses.

"It just pissed me off. He showed no respect towards you…I believe…he is using again…" I whisper.

I move my head to look at Christian and his gray eyes are boring into mine. _Shit he is still mad._

"Please, don't be mad…"

"Ana…what the fuck where you thinking! He could have hurt you…he…" Closing his eyes tightly Christian pushes me against his chest.

"I don't know what I was thinking…I just wanted to believe that he was the old José again…I would like for him to be a dad for Sam…" I take a deep breath and brace myself for Christian's reaction about what I also found out.

"You were right…he knew that the covers he wanted to shoot were being published by Lambert Publishing. I still don't know how he found a way to get the assignment, but when I spoke to Mike a few days ago he was certain that it was all a coincidence…"

"Mike doesn't know him Ana…"

"I know…and I am sorry…"

"Taylor is also mad at you…" Christian grumbles.

"He is?" _Of course he is…_

"He can't do his job if you keep ignoring him Ana…"

"I won't do it again. I promise. From now on I will listen to everything Taylor says okay?"

"Only Taylor?"

"And you…I will also listen to you okay?" I say as sweetly as possible.

"You really want to get out of this bed don't you?" _God, he has no idea._

I just nod my head and kiss his chest. "I figured out as much…" Finally a little smile shows on my husband's face.

"What do you mean?"

"Ana, normally you would fight me tooth and nail. Because honestly, you sometimes are a pain in my ass….you drive me crazy and yet I have never loved anyone as fiercely as I love you…"

"I know, but that is because I am your kind of beautiful right…and I laugh at all your non-funny jokes…" I smirk at him and I am rewarded by a soft slap against my butt.

"Don't push it woman…now come on and let us go downstairs and eat…" I can barely contain my excitement as my feet brush over the plush carpet next to the bed.


	37. Chapter 37 - Detroit

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 37 – Detroit**

 **CPOV**

"At what time are we meeting this woman?" I ask Ana who is reading. We arrived in Detroit yesterday. It was late and I was thankful because that meant that I could postpone visiting my parent's graveside for another day.

"This afternoon…" Her concerned eyes look up at me. "It is going to be all right Christian…" She says for the hundredth time. And I want to believe her so badly.

 _This woman_ is Lisa Hopkins. Ms. Hopkins attended my mother's funeral when there was no one who claimed her body. The state subsidized my mother's funeral, but it was Ms. Hopkins who worked at the funeral home that gave my mother a proper graveside burial. She also told Ana that there is still an option to reclaim the body and move it to a family cemetery.

"You don't want to eat that croissant?" I point to the tray on the table.

"No…" She says crinkling her nose. "I ate yoghurt with granola, banana and blueberry. Besides Gail gave me a few granola bars in case I get hungry and I carry those in my bag." Ana gives me a tiny smirk. She knows exactly what I am thinking right now. _More stuff to go in the bag._

"Are you ready?" She asks and the grin has completely disappeared from her beautiful face and replaced by nervousness.

"Of course. Taylor knows where to go?"

"Yes. He does." This has to be the first time that I don't have control over my schedule. After having everything consulted with Taylor, Ana arranged everything. The hotel, the rental car and even the appointment with Ms. Hopkins. This is really the first time that I have relinquished all control. _Flynn will shit a brick when he hears this._

"Is this new? I have never seen you wear it before." I ask my wife as I help her into her coat. It is black and elegant. Combined with the black, high heel boots she looks gorgeous. It is a double breasted coat with a leather metal buttoned front. The sleeves are funny looking but I like it. The coat is definitely different. "Yes it is." She says as she pulls her hair out from under her collar making it fall in soft waves at her back.

"You look beautiful baby…" I slide her hair to one side and kiss her warm cheek.

"Thank you Christian." She turns around and adjusts the collar of my coat. "You look incredibly handsome too. I love that scruff on your face…" She blushes what makes me smile.

"You especially like my scruff when I am buried between your thighs right…" Taking her face between my hands I kiss the tip of her nose.

"Let us get this over with baby. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can go back home." I say determined. I don't miss Ana's frown though.

The Townsend Hotel, where we are staying is located in Detroit's finest suburb, Birmingham and I have to admit that it is a sheer contrast with were we are driving now. There are rows and rows of abandoned houses, which are unfortunately a common sight in Detroit these days.

I feel a flash of guilt as I scan my surroundings from the save confines of the rental car, a Cadillac Escalade. According to Ana a hideous, preposterous car. I couldn't agree more with her.

Despite the fierce cold and snow there are children playing outside. They aren't even dressed warm enough to be playing outside. _That could have been me._

 **APOV**

The tension is the car can be cut with a knife. Christian has been silent since we stepped into the car back at the hotel.

A clear sign of his discomfort is the wringing of his hands and the ticking of his jaw. I know what he is thinking without even having to express it out loud. The state of the houses we are passing as we continue to drive further away from the hotel, is disheartening. Just like seeing the children playing on the side of the road. Some of this kids probably don't know when their next meal I going to be. Their parents probably need to make food stretch as a way to cope with hunger. It is their way of life.

It was Christian's way of life before he came to live with Grace and Carrick. He was fortunately lucky enough to end up in with a loving family who was able to provide for the basic needs. _Food._

After my phone conversation with Ms. Hopkins I was even more determined to bring the charity organization Christian wants to start here in Detroit to a success. Next to her work for the funeral home, Ms. Hopkins is also active as a volunteer at a local soup kitchen.

I feel the car reducing speed and making a slight turn to the left. When I lift my head I see that Taylor has parked at the entrance of the cemetery. There are spiked, black fences surrounding the graveyard, making it look like a prison.

"Taylor give us some privacy…" Christian barks. Taylor reacts by simply nodding his head and leaving the car. He stops a few feet away from the car and turns his back.

"I don't know if I can do this Ana…" Christian says. He doesn't look at me though. His gaze is turned towards the window.

"I think you can." I simply reply. I step out of the car and immediately the smell of old stone fills the air sending shivers down my spine.

Christian is still siting the same way. He seems surprised when he sees me opening his door. _Didn't he notice me leaving the car?_

I stretch my arm and wait for him to take hold of it. "Come one Christian. We will do it together…"

"Don't leave me alone Ana…" He pleads.

"I won't…I promise."

The crushing sound of leaves and stones under our feet is almost soothing as we make our way through the rows of white marble tombstones. It's serene and peaceful in an area where you might not expect that. I hold on tighter to Christian's hand as we pass the different sculptures and headstones.

Christian suddenly stops as we see a Latin-American woman standing at the end of the with pebbles paved path. She is dressed in a dark blue pants and a long dark blue coat. She slowly makes her way towards us and smiles.

"Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes, hello Mrs. Hopkins it is very nice to meet you. This is my husband Christian…"

"Very nice to meet you Christian. You are Ella Jordan's son?"

"Yes…yes…I am." Christian says after a few seconds. "Is that her?" He looks at Mrs. Hopkins and then to the spot she was just standing.

"Yes, that is your mother's last resting place…" Christian nods. He looks numb. His face is pale. He swallows and turns to look at me, his hands tightly gripping to mine.

"Will you wait here for me?" He croaks. His eyes are pleading as he looks at me.

"Of course I will…" I squeeze his hands and release my hold on him.

With his head held high, his shoulders right and firm I watch Christian walking towards his mother's grave. An outsider might not see at his body language about the torment that is brewing inside of him. But I do. He doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know how he is going to react. I watch him taking a huge breath as he reaches the grave. With his arms limb against this sides he just stares at the grave. After a while he takes a small step closer and sits down on his haunches. He reaches out his hand and slides with his finger along the stone.

"I will give you some privacy." I hear Mrs. Hopkins say. "I will be waiting for you at the entrance in case your husbands has more questions."

I have no idea how long Christian stays seated that way. Maybe the feel of the stone brings him some peace. Christian then stars quietly talking. The more he talks the more relaxed he seems. _Thank God._

Suddenly he hangs his head and I see his body shaking and shuddering. _Oh god…_

As quickly as possible I make the short distance to where Christian is and kneel beside him. Ella's gravestone is made of a beautiful white marble. It is polished and smooth. _Who did this?_

My eyes wander over the stone and it reads:

 _In ever loving memory of Ella Jordan_

 _Mother of Christian_

 _1965 - 1987_

While I am still staring at the inscription on the gravestone I feel Christian's arms wrapping around my waist and he buries his head in the crook of my neck. I instinctively do the same.

I have no idea how long we stay like this but I am actually relieved when Christian's rises to his feet and helps me getting up.

"You said Collin was also buried here?"

"Yes, but in another section though."

The deeper we get into the cemetery the grimmer it seems to get. This is obviously an older section of the cemetery. The graves are hardly maintained. Some of the graves are covered in weeds and some of the grave stones are even cracked and crumbling.

"Fuck I hate this…" Christian mutters and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"Here it is…" I say as we stop in front of Christian's father gravestone. Just like Ella's his gravestone is also made of white marble. Unlike the other surrounding gravestones this one is maintained.

" _Just whisper my name in your heart, and I will be there"_

 _In loving memory of_

 _Collin Alexander_

 _Loving father and partner_

 _1963 – 1985_

When I want to take a few steps backwards to give Christian some privacy, he puts his arm around me pulling me closer.

"Please stay…" He whispers.

"I am sorry that I don't remember you…" Christian starts speaking. At first I think he is talking to me, but then I see the haunted expression on his face while he looks at his father's gravestone. "Ella writes that I look at lot like you and I have seen the pictures that proof it. I am sorry that I don't remember you calling me buddy…or playing with me. I am sorry that I hated you for so long…"

Christian throws his head back and looks at the sky. After a long sigh he continues talking again.

"Now that I know who you really where, I can only be proud of the man you were, and I truly hope someday my children will feel the same about me…"

Christian wipes the tears from his face with his hands and blinks a few times. "Thank you for loving her…"

In a swift move Christian leans down and brushes his finger against the cold marble. "Bye dad…"

 **CPOV**

It has been three days since we returned from Detroit. At the end we stayed longer than I presumed. We visited the Detroit institute of arts, where my dad had proposed to my mother.

Mrs. Hopkins was still waiting for us at the exit. When I asked her why she arranged for my mother's graveside her answer was simple: "We don't come into this world alone. We shouldn't leave alone."

I decided that I wanted my parents close to me so we, or as in Ana, is now trying to figure out what the best way is to relocate my parent's bodies from Detroit to Seattle.

After coming back to our hotel room that day I immediately called my parents. It turned out that after they officially adopted me they also arranged for Ella's headstone. It was also Grace and Carrick who ensured that both graves were maintained properly.

After our arrival in Seattle, I made an appointment with John Flynn. I just could not handle my feelings and thoughts. It was too much. I need closure and I have no fucking idea how to get there.

"Thank you…" I hear Ana say. She places her phone back on the desk and sighs.

"Everything all right?" She looks so tired.

"Yes…I was talking with the funeral home about relocating your parent's bodies…"

"If it is too much I can ask Andrea…"

"No…no I want to do this." Ana replies determined.

"You are amazing you know that?" Instead of shrugging it of like she normally does she gives me a bright smile.

"I know…and that is because I have an amazing husband." She looks at her watch and then back at me. "Shouldn't you be leaving for your appointment with Flynn?"

"Yes that is what I came to tell you. After my appointment I have a surprise for you…" I wink at my beautiful wife and turn around.

"Christian…you can't leave after telling me that you have a surprise…"

"Oh I can and I will. Make sure you are ready…I will call you as soon as I finish with John…"

"Am I going to like it?" She probes.

"You are going to love it…"

* * *

"So you went to Detroit. How did that go?" John is sitting in his usual chair with the notepad resting on his boney knees.

"It went better than I thought I admit."

"Can you explain that to me?" John removes his glasses and waits patiently for my answer.

"All the memories I have of Detroit are bad ones. Even after reading my mother's diaries."

"Yes, you mentioned that over the phone that you read her diaries. And why did it go better than you thought Christian?"

I bow my head and stare at my hands folded in my lap. "I didn't know what to expect John, I wanted those feeling I was harboring to disappear…"

"What feelings are we talking about Christian?"

"I can't speak for all adoptees, but I can say that I always had trouble feeling completely comfortable wherever I was. No matter how welcomed I was. My discomfort manifested itself by distancing myself from my parents and siblings, I was indifferent and rude…but after having discussed this with my wife I came to the conclusion that I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't mean to push them away. I just always had this notion that I didn't belong anywhere in particular. Even after my parents told me time and time again that they loved me I worked my ass off to prove my worthiness. I have always been afraid, that if I didn't they would give me back. After looking at some photographs from my biological parents, I realized that I look exactly like him. To me that feels like a fucking miracle. It was thrilling, comforting but it was also strange. I want closure Flynn. I want to be able to accept this as it is. My birthparents loved each other, I was wanted…they even loved me. But I just want to focus on my wife and our baby."

"And you want that now?" John says and he smiles. _Fucker, I should wipe that smile of his smug British face._

"And you find that amusing Flynn?" I bark.

"Not at all." He says but that smile remains on his face. "You can't erase years and years of pain and hurt by going to Detroit or reading your mother's journals Christian. This is definitely a step in the right direction, however you need to give yourself time to get used to the idea that your birthparents were good people. You need to get attached to them emotionally…" _Easy for him to say._

"Did you discuss this with Carrick and Grace?" He asks while jotting down some nonsense on his notepad.

"Yes…I did…"

"And how did they react?" He asks now looking at me.

"Heartfelt and honest. Grace was very emotional though."

"Very understandable…" He agrees. "I think that what every adoptee wants is to find those similarities…"

"But I didn't…" I cut him off.

"That was because you had the idea that your birthparents where horrible people who didn't love you. But know that you know differently it has to be easier…isn't it Christian?"

He is right…he is absolutely right.

"Why is it that you called me Christian?"

"Because I feel guilty towards my parents."

"Why?"

"Because I think I started bonding with my birthparents the moment I started reading my mother's journals. The similarities between my birthparents and I are astonishing."

"Did you discussed that with Grace and Carrick?"

"No…"

"Christian, finding about your birthparents is not about replacing your family. Even though you told yourself time and time again how bad your birthparents where you still had that ache to find out about them. Finding about your biological parents doesn't mean that you love your family any less or that your parents are any less your parents."

"I have been reading about adoption and about adoptees that decide to go in search of their birthparents. One of them said that she felt a sense of wholeness when she found out where she came from…I don't feel that Flynn…"

"What do you feel?"

"I feel relief…" I reply instantly.

"Give it time Christian."

"I still have so many questions John…it makes me restless."

"Write them down." He says. "Write all your questions down. But we aware that there will always be unanswered questions and that not everything is to be understood."

* * *

From the moment my wife realized that I was driving towards our new home, her pout got replaced by a bright smile. She is happy and that makes me happy. Another happy coincidence is that we are alone in my car. I need to take advantage of this happy opportunity.

After punching in the security code to gain access to our property I skid to a halt. I first unbuckle my seatbelt and then Ana's. Quickly I yank her across the car into my lap.

"What are you doing?" She giggles.

Without answering her I shift my seat back and pull her dress up to her waist. "I am going to have sex with my wife in my new car on our new property…" I growl.

"Oh…" She looks around us, but we are surrounded by large trees. There is no one in sight.

"No one can see us…now lift yourself up. I take her hips in my hands and encourage her. Ana, even though still a little shocked cooperates. She pushes on her knees and rises. "I thought you wanted to christen the house first…" She says in a husky whisper.

"Change of plans…" I kiss her nose, her jaw and that sweet spot in her neck that makes her squirm and giggle.

"I know that a quick fuck in a car isn't exactly romantic, but I promise I will make it up to you. I can't wait any longer…"

I don't think my wife minds very much, because she is already making fast work of opening my pants and sliding her hands through the opening of my zipper. My dick hard and ready.

"Put your hands on the seat on both sides of my head baby…" Releasing my dick she does what I just told her.

I pull her tiny, satin panties aside and guide myself inside her. Ana takes a sharp breath and moans. Her head falls back.

"Lower yourself on me baby…" Slowly inch by inch she lowers herself until I am completely sheathed with her warmth.

"Fuck, Jesus Christ Ana…don't move baby…" I can feel the tip of my dick touching her inner walls.

"Move Christian…" Ana's head drops resting it against my forehead. Her fingers lace through my hair and she starts stroking and pulling. "Move Christian!"

"We aim to please Mrs. Grey…" I grunt and move my hips.

"Oh God…" She moans. I continue pushing inside of her, circling my hips. Ana is panting my name while she pulls at my hair.

"Kiss me…" I tell her as she slides up and down. When she doesn't react immediately I place my hand on the back of her head and pull her towards me. "You make me fucking crazy Anastasia…" I murmur against her lips. In response she bites my lip and brushes her tongue against mine. "I am almost there…" She pants.

"Not yet…" I am amazed by my self-control, but I don't want this to end yet. "Look at me Ana…" Her eyes are hooded, her body is shaking. Her face damp with sweat.

"I can't …" She whispers and her body starts to shudder and shake. I thrust my hips up and push into her until I feel my own release building.

"I just can't get enough of you Ana…" I confess quietly. Ana remains with her face buried in the crook of my neck.

"I love you so much Christian…" She whispers.

* * *

"You didn't tell me that Elliot was going to be here!" Ana hisses at me when we finally step out of the car. Her eyes go from Elliot's truck to me.

"I didn't know he would be here baby." I admit. He told me that they were finished, except for the wine cellar.

"Oh shit, how do I look?"

 _Like a woman who has been thoroughly fucked._ "Perfect" I smile. Huffing a few times she smooths down her dress and fumbles with her hair all the while giving me the evil eye.

"I swear baby…I didn't know he would be here…" I lean down to give her a kiss on her cheek and smell the scent of sex. "You smell so fucking sexy…" I growl.

We both turn around at the sound of the front door opening. My brother dressed in his work clothes steps out.

"Hey Elliot!" Ana giggles and his head snaps up.

"You are early…" Elliot states and looks from me to Ana.

"What the fuck happened to your hair bro?" He turns to look at Ana and grins. "You kids just had sex…"

"No…no absolutely not…" Ana says. But really, the blush on her face is selling her out. As is her crumpled dress and her wild hair. Like is said, she looks like a woman who has been thoroughly fucked.

"Really?" Elliot says while looking at my wife who looks like she wants the ground to open so she can disappear. "Then why is it that my brother is walking around with unzipped pants?" He grins at Ana and I see her eyes turning wide as she zooms in on my crotch.

"Asshole…" I flip him off.

"Don't you need to get home Elliot?" Ana says quietly.

"I do actually…and after that I am meeting Mia to finalize the plans of her bakery…"

"Then you better go." I say and guide Ana to the front door.

"Tell Mia we said hi…" Ana says turning around.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Is my brother's reply as he walks towards his truck.

* * *

I am confused. Like extremely confused. I have been showing Ana the house and even though all the rooms are still empty she can't stop crying. She hasn't stopped crying since we step foot into our home. _Fucking. confused._

"Ana…I am out of my depths here baby. You haven't said a word…do you even like it?" She makes this funny snorting sound and nods her head.

"I love it…everything is perfect. I can't believe you didn't tell me that Elliot was finishing it today…" She sniffs.

"I wanted to surprise you." I reply lamely.

"I will call the moving company then tomorrow…" She says looking around her.

"Already did that too…" I shrug. "They are starting tomorrow. I expect that we will be able to move in within one week…"

"Really?" She squeals.

"Yeah really…"

"Oh I would like to have a huge Christmas party…" She says dreamily. "And if everything goes well this time next year we will be living here with the three of us…"

"I can't wait."

"Neither can I…" She says smiling that perfect smile. _Happiness simply looks gorgeous on her._

"How do you see us in ten years from now?" We are laying on a makeshift bed in the empty nursery discussing colors and themes.

"Ten years from now?" Ana whispers. "Wow…in ten years you definitely will be wearing a hearing aid…" She smirks.

"My fingers are itching Ana…" I say and wiggle my fingers in front of her face.

"No tickling…" She warns. She clears her throat and moves to lay her head on my chest. My hand automatically reaches for her stomach. _Fucking. Perfect. Little. Bump._

"In ten years from now we have created beautiful memories made out of perfect tiny moments…"

"That sounds fucking perfect Mrs. Grey, because it happens that making memories with you is my favorite thing to do…"

I can't wait to begin this new chapter of my life with the woman I love. Because if I learned something the last few months it is that life isn't about arriving at your destination as quickly as possible. It is all about the great stuff that happens along the way

* * *

 **A/N.: Hi ladies! First of all I want to thank you all for the well wishes you send me through your reviews or PM for my mother. In the rush to get the chapter out last week I completely forget to mention it. Even though her health is still very delicate, she is feeling a bit better now. So Thank you!**

 **On an entirely different note: We are reaching the end of Wish. There are about three chapters left (including the epilogue).  
**

 **Take care and see you all again next week!**

 **XOX Alner**


	38. Chapter 38 - Old wife's tales

**A/N.: Hi ladies! I'm back! Thank you all for your kind words I received through PM and the reviews. My mom is doing a bit better and after being in the hospital for almost two weeks she is back home.**

 **Oh! Go and check out the story "Accidentally Fifty" by WordRunner. She has written several stories and they are all amazing!**

 **Now on with the story!**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 38 – Old wife's tales**

 **CPOV February 12**

Today we are officially twenty two weeks pregnant and we still don't know if we are having a boy or a girl and frankly it is driving me absolutely out of my fucking mind.

I can certainly say that the last few weeks all together have been a special experience and entertaining. But mostly it was special.

 _Flashback Ana and Christian 16 weeks pregnant_

 _Today we are finally going to find out the gender of the baby. I am fucking excited and can't wait to find out what we are having. Ana however is cool as a cucumber. Amazing._

 _Dr. Torrey's waiting room is crowded with toddlers, crying infants and mothers in all colors and sizes._

" _Ana, why do all those kids have boogers coming out of their noses?" I whisper into my wife's ear, who has been playing some kind of crazy game on her phone for the last fifteen minutes._

" _I don't know…and I don't want to see it either…" She mutters and crinkles her nose. The V is on her forehead. And I have to say that these days I don't know if she is thinking, annoyed or that she just doesn't want to be bothered._

" _Ana…" I say after a few minutes of silence._

" _Yes…Christian. What is it?"_

" _Why are all those kids crying?"_

" _I don't know Christian. Why don't you ask them?" She sighs, turns off her phone and shoves it in her bag. Mission accomplished. She glances up and looks in the direction of the crying infant who is strapped in a buggy._

" _I think he wants to play with the other kids…" She looks sympathetically to the little boy strapped in the buggy and smiles at him. That is when I see it. His mother who is boringly shaking that damn buggy to keep that little boy quiet, reaches down to her leg and starts scratching. Fuck, what's that on her leg?_

" _Ana…" I softly squeeze her leg and motion with my head towards the scratching woman. "What is that on her leg?"_

" _I don't know what is it?"_

" _It looks like a fucking tarantula…"_

" _What?" I feel a shudder running through her body and she moves her chair closer to mine._

" _Oh fuck no!" That isn't a tarantula crawling up her leg that is hair!_

" _What?" Ana says again._

" _That is not a tarantula baby…" I say as reassuringly as possible. I shake my head in disgust and wrap my arm around Ana's shoulders. "That is hair…that woman desperately needs to shave those legs! Damn…" Ana giggles and relaxes a little bit. No baby, no tarantula. "I shit you not Ana…when that woman finally shaves those legs, she will probably be able to donate it to Locks of Love…"_

" _Christian…her belly is enormous…she probably can't reach her legs…"_

" _Where the fuck is her husband then?"_

 _She smiles and nudges my shoulder with hers. "Not everyone is as kinky as you are Christian…"_

Anyway, we didn't find out what we were having that day. Because our baby is or very, very shy or very, very stubborn. I suspect the latter. He or she definitely gets that from Ana of course.

Even though this baby is stubborn, we did really see him or her for the first time. We could see the baby's face, the eyes, nose and mouth. His or her hands and feet are tiny and we could see her kicking against Ana's stomach. It was an amazing experience.

The same applies for when I felt the baby kick for the first time. It was like she was saying; 'hi daddy…" Fuck I was so pumped up and happy that I watched Ana sleep the entire night. My hand of course, firmly planted on her perfect belly.

 _Ana and Christian 20 weeks pregnant._

" _Hey baby." I say to my sexy as fuck wife who is standing by the sink. "What are you doing?" Standing behind her I wrap my arms around her belly and kiss that sweet and somewhat ticklish spot in her neck._

" _I am doing the dishes." She says as if it is the most normal thing in the world. Now, if there's one thing I've learned, the hard way, of course, is that I really have to be really careful to start a discussion with my pregnant wife. The fact that she is washing the dishes is absolutely ridiculous. Firstly, because we have a well-functioning dishwasher and secondly because we have a very efficient and reliable housekeeper. But like I said…I wisely choose my battles lately. I just nod my head, mutter something unintelligible and keep kissing her neck._

" _Christian…" She giggles and squirms as I let my hands wander along her perfect body. "You are tickling me…" With a huge smile on her face she turns around, stands on her toes and kisses my lips._

" _You look pretty today…" I lean down to give her another kiss but before my lips meet hers she pushes me away._

" _I look pretty?" She asks me incredulous. Her eyes are slightly narrowed and her hands on her hips. Very quickly I let my eyes roam her body. Why do I have this feeling that there is a catch behind her question?_

" _Yeah, baby…you look pretty. I love your dress…"_

 _I stop talking the moment I see her face crumbling and her bottom lip trembling. Oh fuck. Oh fuck…_

" _You think I am pretty?" She says again through her tears. What do say? What the fuck do I say know?_

" _You always tell me that I look gorgeous, beautiful or sexy and now I just look pretty?" She yells. Oh so there is where I went wrong. Poor choice of words. Fuck Grey! Then I make another horrific mistake. I sigh. This sigh was not aimed at her, but at my own stupidity._

 _Her eyes widen when she hears me sigh and then her crying intensifies. These pregnancy hormones are like a fucking mine field. You never know when they are going to blow._

" _Baby…"_

" _No…" She shakes her head and let's herself slide down the kitchen cabinet to the floor. She buries her head in her hands and cries. "Ana…baby I am sorry…"_

" _See you are mad at me…I am constantly bugging you…you must probably hate me…" She is sobbing and crying and fuck I can't see her like this. And why does she even think I am mad at her?_

" _Ana, please stand up…" She looks at me with the tears streaming down her cheeks and scowls._

" _I can't….I can't stand up…" She starts crying even more and I do the thing I think is right. I sit beside her and pull her on my lap. "You are the most sexy, beautiful girl and pretty…" I add quickly and chuckle._

" _Do you still think that?"_

" _I do…nothing will ever change that Ana…"_

" _Not even when I get as big as a whale and I can't put on my own shoes anymore? Or when I am just being intolerable? Or…or when I get mad at you for the tiniest little thing? Or when I wake you up at three in the morning because I am craving a peanut-butter-jelly and banana sandwich?" Go figure…the only edible thing I can make, my wife craves._

 _She looks up at me through her tears and I just have to smile. Fuck she is a hot mess._

" _Not even then Ana…"_

" _Okay…" She says in a really tiny voice. "Then I would really like some McDonalds now…"_

 _End flashback._

So, here I am sitting in our bedroom watching Ana sleep. She sleeps a lot. Sure she wakes up about ten times every night to pee or to eat, so that would make me tired too. I glance at the clock. Ten o'clock. In a few hours' time Meghan, Elliot, Mia and Ethan are joining us for lunch. Meaning that this will give me enough time to put my plan into motion. Finding out the sex of the baby.

Ana is laying on her side with a bunch of pillows gathered around her and I have never seen her more beautiful then she looks now.

Rising from my chair I pull off my shirt and discard my boxer shorts. I quickly take the few steps to our bed and crawl in next to my beautiful pregnant wife. Ana is wearing a white tank top that has moved a bit over her belly and the cutest cotton panties I have ever seen. Very gently I pull the sheet off of her body. She stirs for a moment but doesn't open her eyes. After a little sigh escapes her pouty lips she remains sleeping.

I let my eyes wander over her body. Her long eyelashes, those sexy as fuck freckles, her full pink lips. Looking down I see her nipples pressed against the white cotton of her tank top. They are just begging to be touched. I let my fingers slide from her neck to the swelling of her breast and brush my fingers against her nipple. It hardens immediately. I repeat my movement a few more times until Ana's breathing changes. She moans softly and moves to lie on her back. In one swift movement I pull down the material exposing her breasts. _They are fucking perfect._

"Christian…?" Ana's eyes open and a sleepy smile forms on her lips as she looks at me. "Close your eyes baby. This is all about you."

* * *

Cuddling after sex has become one of my favorite things. The moment Ana lays her head on my chest and starts playing with my chest hair, well that feeling is indescribable. Something I never gave a second thought. That until Ana stepped into my world.

"Oh…" She whispers. The hand that was just on my chest quickly moves to her belly. "The baby has the hiccups." Smiling she looks up at me and guides my hand to her stomach. "Do you feel it?" She says excited.

"No…no I don't…" I kiss her perfect stomach and let my hand on her stomach. "How does it feel like?"

She bites her lips and thinks about it for a moment. Her hand is laying on top of mine. "It feels like weird, pulsing sensations…it feels like a slow heartbeat, rhythmic and evenly paced."

"Fuck I would drink excessively too if I had just witnessed my mom and dad having sex…" I chuckle earning me a soft nudge from Ana against my shoulder.

Ana giggles and lays her head on my chest. "Do you remember when we overheard your mom and dad having sex?"

"Really Ana? You really needed to mention that?"

"God, you should have seen your face…it was priceless. You didn't know how fast to get out of the house…"

"It was your fault though…"

"Why was it my fault?" She replies incredulously.

"Because you refused to pee in my parent's yard Ana…saying that it was for savages…"

"Oh yeah…now I remember." She says smiling.

"And then you peed on me while I was carrying you to the house…"

"Oh my God, that was when we sneaked up to Elliot's bedroom for the condoms and they turned out to be glow in the dark condoms…"

I snort remembering our disastrous rendezvous in the boathouse. "Yeah, you said my dick looked like Darth Vader's sword…"

"Yeah, that was a fun day. We went cake tasting that day remember?"

I feel her smiling against my chest and then she looks up at me. "Do you think our kids will sneak out to our boathouse when they have a friend?"

"Absolutely out of the fucking question Ana…" I say exasperated. Just the idea of my little girl sneaking out to the boathouse with a horny teenager, makes my blood boil.

"This young lady isn't dating until her thirstiest birthday…" I say softly tapping her belly.

"And what if it a boy?" She says rising her eyebrow.

"Well, if this is a boy…then the day he turns sixteen I will give him a box of condoms, preferably not glow in the dark and tell him to have an amazing time…"

"You are such a hypocrite Christian Grey…" Ana shifts so that she can look at me. "If this is a boy, there won't be any sneaky moments in the boathouse either…" She says determined. "I will make sure to…cock-block him every chance I get."

"Will you watch your mouth woman…" I growl at her.

"You are dying to know what it is aren't you." Her fingertips are brushing against my lips, those blue eyes burning into mine.

"I am…" I try to act cool, but I know my wife can see right through me.

She smiles knowingly and shakes her head. "Just a few more days Christian…and if this little baby cooperates then we will finally know."

"You know…I found this amazing website where they write about these little facts that can help you determine whether we are having a boy or a girl…without the technological advancements" I give her my best pout and await her answer. Her face is unreadable at this moment.

"You are basically saying that you think you can determine the gender of our baby based on some old wife's tales?"

"Baby…these 'tales' as you call them, have been passed down through generations. Just humor me okay?"

"Okay" She sighs. "But no funny things Christian…"

"Promise…" I say jumping to my feet to get my phone. "No funny things…"

 **APOV**

"Okay first we have the Linea Negra." Christian is looking from his phone to my belly. "This is the key to working out whether we are having a boy or a girl. Rumor says that if the line continues above your belly button, we are having a boy. If it finishes below your belly button, then we are having a girl…"

"I think it finishes below my belly button, but isn't it too early to tell?" I reply a little unsure.

"Nope this means we are having a girl…" Christian says very sure of himself. _Well okay then…_

"Next is the bump. If you are carrying high we are pregnant with a girl. If you are carrying low then we are having a boy…" His eyes scan my belly meticulously. "You are definitely carrying high Ana…" His eyes meet mine and I am almost afraid to argue.

"I don't know Christian. I don't think my belly is big enough to determine if I am carrying high or low…it is just a little bump…" I say carefully. Christian sighs and mutters. "Fine, prediction outcome is inconclusive."

"Your skin." Christian holds his finger in the air and leans closer until his nose is almost touching mine. "What about my skin…" _Shit, I don't know if I like this silly game._

"Well I think that your skin is silky and smooth, so that means we are having a girl…" I touch my cheek with the tip of my fingers. I don't think it feels different.

Christian focuses back on his phone and I see that he is struggling not to smile. "Okay, I think this one is totally stupid…but here goes. Apparently it is all in the hair. If your hair becomes thick and glossy you are carrying a boy…if your hair is dull and limp it is a girl…" Christian shakes his head and brushes his hands through his already messed up hair. I wonder what he is going to say about my hair.

"Your hair is beautiful…" He states.

"So that means we are having a boy…" I smile at him.

"Not so fast Mrs. Grey…because it seems that your body hair can give us a clue too. If your body hair is growing thick and fast, you are having a boy. If your hair growth has remained normal we are having a girl…" Christian grins and winks at me. "Prediction outcome: girl." He states cocky.

He wants a girl so bad that this is just getting ridiculous.

"Remember me to check Meghan later…" He says and a wicked grin forms on his face.

"Why?" I don't think I even want to know.

"Well they are having a boy, according to this website her body hair must be growing thick and fast…" He shrugs. "She probably has grown a mustache…" Christian throws his head back and starts laughing really hard at his own joke.

"Don't you dare Christian…"

When he sees that I am not even cracking a smile he stops laughing and puts his hands up in mock surrender. "I promise…I won't do anything stupid…"

"Can we take a little break, because I really need to pee…"

"That is good actually. I will join you…" Christian is already following me to the bathroom.

"Do I even want to know?" Geez, he is taking this way too seriously.

"This says that if the color of your pee is bright yellow, we are having a little boy. If your urine is dull yellow it is a girl…" I finish my business under the watchful eye off Christian and when I am washing my hands and turn around I find him bowed over the toilet examining the color of my urine.

"Christian?"

"It is dull Ana…" With a smug smile, Christian flushes the toilet. "Prediction outcome: girl." He mutters and makes his way back to our bedroom.

"Are we almost finished?"

"Almost baby…just relax…" When we were both back in bed and Christian has made sure that I'm comfortable, he continues his idiotic research.

"Now the baby's heart rate is also very important to predict the gender. If the baby's heartbeat is above 140 ppm it is a girl. Lower means it is a boy." Christian smiles. "I remember from the last ultrasound that the heartbeat was above the 140 ppm. This means that there is a little girl growing in your belly…"

"And what if it is exactly 140 ppm? Does it mean we are having an alien…or maybe a little puppy?" I say laughing.

"Not funny Ana…next…" He says clearly not appreciating _my_ little fun fact.

"DO they say something about cravings?" I ask and try to take a peek at Christian's phone.

"Yeah, they do, but I don't think that little fact can predict the gender of our baby…" He says absentmindedly.

"And why is that?"

"Because it is all about the taste baby. Sweet cravings mean that you are carrying a girl. Salty or sour foods means a boy…but baby you crave everything. Sweet, spicy, salty and sour…" He shrugs.

"Let us continue…" Christian kisses my temple and scrolls through his phone. He scowls while reading.

"What does it say?"

"This is ridiculous…it says that if you had severe morning sickness we are having a girl…otherwise means a boy…" And I didn't have a lot of morning sickness.

"Prediction outcome: boy…" I say grinning.

Christian huffs annoyed and throws his phone on the nightstand. "Don't you like this anymore…"

"Nah, I think that those old wife's tales are a bunch of shit…" He is annoyed.

"Why?" I probe.

"Because they the next thing they mentioned was about cold and warm feet. Seems that if you are having cold feet we are expecting a boy and warm feet means girl…" And it happens that I always have cold feet.

"So, we are done with this little game?"

"Yes, we are done playing this little game." He says smiling. "You know that I don't care if we are having a boy or a girl right?" He continues. "I mean I want it to be healthy Ana…"  
"I know you do, now let us get moving Mr. Grey. We have lunch to get ready…" His eyes widen and he looks a little shocked.

"I can't cook Ana…"

"But you can follow orders…"

* * *

We are sitting in what we like to call the "Sun room" with Meghan, Elliot, Mia and Ethan.

I think that this room is by far my favorite room of our new home. The official name of this room is orangery and it is an extension of our massive living room. It has a glass roof and folding glass doors. It overlooks the garden and the meadow. The view is astonishing.

"So, when is your next appointment with the OB/GYN?" Mia asks while she sips at her glass of wine.

"Tuesday"

"Let's hope that the little monster cooperates this time…" Christian says looking at my belly.

"You know what I think?" Elliot says. "I think you are having a little girl…" Christian's head immediately snaps to his brother.

"Why would you say that?" Mia asks and entwines her hand with Ethan's.

"I have read that girls act very shy during ultrasounds…boys on the other hand not."

"That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard Ell…" Mia says rolling her eyes.

"Do you really think that the baby knows that he or she is being scanned and thinks, hey let me cross my legs…that is utterly ridiculous."

Elliot furrows his brow and his shoulders sag in defeat.

Mia is right though…that would be utterly ridiculous.

"Our little boy wasn't shy at all was he Meghan?" Elliot says proudly. "He was showing of his junk like a little pro…"

"Just like daddy…" Mia mutters.

"So the wedding?" Christian asks, probably trying to change the subject.

"We want to get married next year." Mia replies dreamily. "With all this babies popping out and the bakery…we don't want to rush it."

"Are you having a big wedding?" I ask. Because that would be typically Mia. However, seeing Ethan's shocked expression, I don't think that is what he prefers.

"No…" She laughs. "Just family and close friends…"

"Thank fuck." Christian mutters.

Every now and then I look over at Meghan who hasn't said much over the entire lunch. She doesn't react though at anything. She looks as if she is uncomfortable.

"Are you all right Meg?" Elliot asks concerned. He brushes a few strands of hair from her face and peppers her face with little kisses.

"Braxton hicks…" She breathes. Her hands are holding her enormous belly.

"Are you sure? We can call my mom…" Elliot replies and places his hand over Meghan's.

"No, I'm sure it will pass…" She says giving him a faint smile.

"Are you used in living here?" Ethan asks and motions with his chin to the living room.

"Yeah, it has been great. Christian can use the gym every morning before going to work and since Taylor and Gail are living in a separate house we have all the privacy we want."

"What about the other security guys?"

"We have had four apartments built above the garage. So that is where they live."

"Well I love your kitchen." Mia states. "It is a cook's wet dream." I nod because it is true. The kitchen is amazing, but then so is the rest of the house. It turned out just the way we wanted.

"The movie room is amazing." Ethan says. "We should have a guy's night one time and watch badass movies…"

"We had Sam over the other day." Christian says. "He didn't say one word during the entire movie."

"Why didn't Melissa come along with you?" I ask because I really miss her. It has been a week since I last saw her.

"She was hanging out with Andrew…" Mia says giggling. "They are so cute together." _She is right._  
"He is a good kid. Smart too." Ethan says. "Sometimes he starts talking about these technology facts and shit if that doesn't make me feel stupid." He laughs.

"He is incredibly smart." Christian adds proudly. "He comes to GEH regularly and hangs out with Barney…"

"Where are you going babe?" Elliot says looking at Meghan who is now pacing the room holding her belly.

"I need to walk for a bit…" She looks annoyed and I can't blame her. Elliot has been breathing down her neck since the moment they came a few hours ago.

"Oh shit…" Our heads all turn to Meghan whose face is now covered with a little layer of sweat. She is looking down at her feet.

"Come one babe…let me take you home…"

Meghan shakes her head and she looks so pale. "I…I think my water just broke Ell…I need to go to the hospital…"

"But you can't…you can't…" Elliot rambles looking at the puddle of water on the floor. "The baby isn't due yet for another six weeks Meghan…"

"I'm calling mom…" Christian says frantically.

"He can't be born yet Elliot…" Meghan cries. "It is too soon…it is just too soon…"

"It is going to be okay babe…Christian is calling my mom and my mom always knows what to do…"He says reassuringly. It is a good thing that Meghan can't see his face, because he doesn't look as relaxed as he sounds. "Do you want to sit down baby…tell me what you want…"

Meghan is just clinging to his shirt and crying. _God, please let the baby be okay. Let this little boy be okay…please._

Suddenly Mia stands up and grabs Ethan's hand. "We are going over to Elliot and Meghan's house. We will get some clothes for her and the baby…"

"Do you have a key?" I ask dumbly.

"Yes, we all have keys or the codes to each other's homes." She says smiling. Of course they do…I knew that too.

Mia walks over to Meghan and whispers something in her ear. Next she hugs Elliot.

"Mom…mom this is Christian. Look Meghan's water just broke…no…no mom they are here at my house…" There is a little silence and I can see Christian's patience diminishing by the second.

"Mom, it doesn't matter why they are here, thing is that Meghan's water broke and the baby is too little mom, what do we do?" There is another silence and when he looks at me I see the panic setting in his eyes.

"Okay…yeah…see you. Love you too mom…" Christian disconnects the call and looks at his brother.

"Mom is calling an ambulance. She will meet us at the hospital…Ana and I will be driving behind the ambulance."

Elliot nods and I have never ever seen him looking so serious. "Did she say anything else…you know about the baby?" Christian's eyes go to Meghan who has her head buried in Elliot shoulder and then he quickly shakes his head. "No…she didn't." He then looks at me and I know he is keeping something from Elliot.

"Ana…my parents…you need to call my parents…" That is the last thing Meghan says before the ambulance drives away.

* * *

Meghan and Elliot where already gone when Christian and I entered the ER. Carrick and Melissa were waiting for us at the reception desk.

"We need to wait." Carrick says. He has trouble keeping his emotions in check.

"Then we will wait." Christian says and gives him a small smile. "It will be okay dad. Meghan is strong and …" Christian's voice breaks.

"She is in good hands Carrick." I finish for Christian.

"Meghan's parents are on their way. Taylor arranged for Charlie Tango." Christian looks at his watch. "If the weather keeps like this we can expect them within the next hour."

I nod and entwine my hand with Christian's. His eyes meet mine for a minute and I only see hopelessness.

"What was it that you didn't tell Elliot?" I whisper.

"Ana…" He sighs and closes his eyes. "The baby is too early…there could be complications. Ana my brother will be devastated if anything happens to his son."

"We have to keep faith okay?"

"He is my little nephew Ana…what if…" Christian can't finish his sentence because a door opens and a very tired looking Grace comes stepping out.

"Gracie?"

"The doctor did several tests and it seems that Meghan is 4 cm dilated. They…they need to get the baby since he is in distress."

"Is she having a C-section?" I ask. Grace nods and we all look towards the door. Meghan is being rushed away with a distressed Elliot following.

"Will they be all right mom?"

"They are in the best hands. Dr. Torrey is an excellent doctor." She says.

"How long will we have to wait?"

"Not very long Christian." Grace smiles tiredly and then her face gets a serious look. "But today we are not going to hit anybody understand?"

"Yes ma'am…"

 **CPOV**

"How much longer?" I whisper to Ana for the umpteenth time. With her head leaning against my arm she shrugs.

"I hope they are both okay…" She says.

I look around me in the waiting room where we are asked to wait and sigh. You would think with the money that both Ana and I have donated to this hospital and especially to this wing, that they could have had done something to redecorate this room. Christ, the table look like a piece of furniture from the middle Ages.

When the door opens, I expect to see Mia who said she was getting us some refreshments. But instead of my sister it is a stunned looking Elliot. He is wearing a blue hospital shirt and his hair is a mess. His mouth opens and closes several times but nothing comes out.

"Son?" My mother is holding on to my dad.

"Mom…dad…" Elliot swallows. "I…Meghan just gave birth to a beautiful boy…he is tiny, but according to the doctor he is strong…" Elliot turns to look at me and fuck he looks like he aged ten years in just one hour.

"Oh thank God." My mother replies and starts crying.

"How is Meghan?" Ana asks and slowly stands up from her chair.

"Meghan is recovering at the moment. I just came real quickly to say that they are both doing fine." He looks at me again and then I see that his eyes a red rimmed.

"His name by the way is Zackery Christian Grey."


	39. Chapter 39 - It is a … !

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 39 – It is a …. !**

 **CPOV**

From the corner of my eye I see my wife approaching with something two glasses of iced tea in her hands. She carefully placing the tea on the table and turns to face me. She gives me a sweet smile and even though her enormous belly is in the way she manages to lean down and kiss my forehead.

"We need to talk." She breathes against my skin.

"Okay…" _Said no man ever._ But I sense something is troubling her.

"Something wrong? Do you feel fine? Is it the baby?"

She smiles but it doesn't meet her eyes. "Ana, fuck what the hell is wrong?" I pull her on my lap and hold her against my chest.

"You have to promise me something…" She mutters against my shirt. Her hands are holding tightly on to it.

"Ana, you are scaring me baby."

When she finally looks up her big blue eyes are teary and sad. "If something happens during labor and you have to choose between me and the baby, please promise me that you will choose the baby…"

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my body. What the fuck is she talking about? Choose? I can't fucking choose between my wife and my child.

"Ana, what gave you this idea…?"

"Let's be honest Christian. We both know that a lot of things can go wrong…" Taking her chin between my fingers I silence her.

"Stop. Talking." Closing her eyes tightly a lonely tear glides down her cheek. "Listen to me Anastasia Rose Grey, nothing is going to happen to you or this baby…" My hands slide down to her belly and I am immediately rewarded by a soft kick against my hand.

"She always know when daddy is around…" Ana whispers and places her small hands over mine. My head snaps up. "Did you just says she?"

"Yeah, I did…I had this dream the other day…it was about a little girl…I don't know it felt so real."

The smile on my face is about to split my face in two.

"Well, the moment this little girl is born I am going to have a good talk with her…" I say a little louder.

"Why is that?"

"Because after six sonograms and that 3d sonogram the only thing we got was her sticking her tongue out at us…this kid is messing with my head and she isn't even born yet."

Ana laughs throwing her head back. "Yeah, that was fun…" She giggles and moves to sit beside me.

"Are you uncomfortable?"

She huffs. "You have no idea. I can't wait for the baby to be born…I just want to hold her in my arms and sing to her…" Sing?

"Uhm baby, you might have to reconsider that singing. I do the singing, you do the nursing…"

"You are an ass Grey…"

"Tsk, tsk now, watch that mouth around the baby Mrs. Grey." I admonish her like she does with me every single time I curse and that is a lot.

"It is your birthday tomorrow." She says and suddenly she looks a little sad again. "Remember last year when I took you out on our bikes?"

"It was the best birthday ever…" I nod. It was. It was fucking perfect.

"Remember what we did when we came home?" Well that is not so hard to come up with.

I grin. "We had some hot sex…"

Her eyes go from sad to horny in less than a second. "Make love to me Christian…" Grabbing the collar of my shirt she pulls me towards her.

"We aim to please Mrs. Grey…"

 **APOV**

After Christian has undressed me with the utmost care he gently lays me down on our bed and places a pillow beneath my back.

It doesn't take long before he is also completely naked in front of me and crawling between my legs.

"Are you comfortable Ana?" I just nod.

"Good…" He smiles. His face disappears from my view and then I feel him kissing his way up my leg up to my stomach. He leaves a trail of kisses on my swollen belly and continues his way to my thighs and then starts to brush his nose against my folds. "Oh god…" I whisper.

Christian's warm, skillful tongue circles my clit with slow and precise movements.

"I need more…" I pant.

"You taste so fucking sweet Mrs. Grey…"

I feel a hand moving from my thighs and first one finger and then a second slides into me with his thumb he slowly starts to massage my clitoris.

"Please…"

"Patience…baby…" Christian stretches my opening with his fingers, circling and thrusting while his thumb is still massaging my clit, his tongue licking my folds.

"Christian!" I shout. It takes only a few more strokes of his fingers and tongue and I am hit by that amazing feeling.

While I am coming down from that amazing orgasm Christian keeps licking me and slowly pulls his fingers out of me. My body feels completely limb. When I open my eyes Christian is hovering over me. "You all right baby?" He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose.

"Hmm, hmm…that was…god…I mean amazing…"

"No you are amazing…" Skimming his lips over mine I open my mouth and welcome him. The taste of me and him combined is sexy. I hear myself moaning again. "I need more…" I whisper against his mouth.

He doesn't need to be told twice. Swiftly and gracefully he moves to stand on the side of the bed and pushes me towards the edge. Christian tugs one of my legs around his waist, positions himself and slams into me. "Fuck!" I scream.

When I open my eyes Christian has his eyes closed giving me time to adjust.

"Okay?" He rasps.

"Yes…move…now…" I urge him and grab a handful of sheets.

He starts pounding into me with swift strokes…again and again. Christian is gasping and moaning while he relentlessly keeps thrusting into me.

"You. Feel. So. Good…" He hisses. "Fuck!" With his eyes focused at that spot that connects us he keeps pounding and trusting like a madman.

That great feeling begins to form, and it is everywhere at once ... my stomach, my thighs and it is sending tingles up my spine. I am a second from coming.

Then I feel his thumbs pressing against my clit and I climax on a loud cry. My mind goes completely blank. Still shaking uncontrollably, Christian thrusts a few more times, his erection pulsing and jerking as he spills himself deep inside me. "Ana!"

* * *

With my back pressed against his chest I am staring out of the window. Our bedroom is truly magnificent and the view of the Sound is truly amazing. But it doesn't matter how hard I concentrate on the Sound, Christian's breathing, his fingers caressing my hip. I am hungry. I can almost taste the peanut butter and banana sandwich that my husband is an expert at making.

"Christian are you awake?" I whisper and entwine my fingers with his.

"I am now…" I giggle and press my bum against his groin.

"The baby is hungry…" I whisper. He gives me a sleepy chuckle and kisses my neck.

"And what exactly is the baby hungry for?"

"Peanut butter jelly and banana sandwich?"

"Coming right up…"

Have I mentioned that I have an amazing husband? Sure every now and then he can be a little suffocating, but I have learned to deal with that. Just like he has learned to deal with my moods. If he sees me doing the dishes, that granted is stupid because we have a dishwasher, he helps me. If he sees me rearranging the kitchen cabinets for the umpteenth time…he sweetly kisses my cheek and joins me. When he comes home from work, tired and hungry the first thing he does is kiss my belly and then me. Then I am rewarded by the best foot massage ever.

This thing about now knowing the gender of the baby is slowly killing him though. Every time we visited the OB/GYN he was so excited… only to come up extremely disappointed because our baby keeps his legs tight together.

I smile when I remember the day that I came home from work. I found Christian sitting in the kitchen, completely covered in pink paint. His hair, his hands, his clothes. I think I was about seven months into the pregnancy. When I entered the kitchen he looked at me like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. And I just knew that I was in for a big surprise. The fact that Gail was running a whole in the floor and wringing her hands didn't make me feel any better either.

 _Flashback_

" _Christian what happened?" Looking down at that his hand is wrapped in a bandage. "And what happened to your hand?" Throwing my purse in the nearest chair I rush over to my husband and take his hand in mine. There is blood leaking through the bandage._

" _Christian, you need to go to the hospital…" I am met with silence and shuffling of his feet._

" _Can you please answer my questions instead of standing there like an idiot!" I finally snap. He and Gail both jump up at my sudden outburst. But geez…someone say something already._

" _Mr. Grey cut his hand open Ana…I told him that I should call his mother, but Mr. Grey needed to finish his…project."_

" _Your project?" I ask. "But you told me you had a conference call and that you would be working from home…"_

 _Clearing his throat Christian tries to pull his hand from mine, but I just hold tighter on to him. Oh no Mister._

" _Well the conference call was canceled…" More shuffling. Shit this must be bad. "And then I got this idea…" He shrugs. "You know how I can get when I have an idea…I want it to happen…immediately."_

" _Okay…" Since he is not very forthcoming and his hand is still bleeding I turn my attention to Gail._

" _Gail, will you please call Christian's mother and ask her if she is able to drive up here and look at Christian's hand?" I smile at her and I see relief written on her face._

" _Certainly Ana."_

" _Thank you Gail." As Gail walks out of the room I turn my face to look at my very guilty looking husband._

" _Hey baby…" He says sheepish. "Did you have a good day at work?" His voice is too cheery for the pain he has to be in._

" _Christian, cut the crap. What the hell did you do?"_

" _You might want to sit down…" He guides me to the kitchen table and seats me on one of the chairs. He pulls a chair out for himself and seats himself beside me. He is chewing his lip while his eyes are searching my face._

" _Christian please…"_

" _Promise me you won't get mad…" He whispers now and I see his gaze moving to the door. I follow him and I gasp when I see Taylor and Sawyer also completely covered in pink paint walking through the kitchen and out to the garden. Oh my god._

" _Okay…okay…" Christian says taking both of my hands in his. "I am going to tell you everything, just don't freak out because everything is going to be just fine…"_

" _Start. Talking." I hiss._

" _Well…like I said before my conference call was cancelled and I wasn't feeling like working. First I wanted to drive to GEH and have lunch with my beautiful wife…" When I don't react his smile falters and turns his eyes to our hands. "Then Melissa called me. We started talking and then one thing led to another…did you know that Pinterest is really amazing?"_

" _What?"_

" _Yes, well let me elaborate. When Melissa called I was standing in the nursery…" I smile when I think of our perfect nursery. It is absolutely amazing and I can't wait to sit there with our baby in the rocking chair my grandparents bought for us._

" _Melissa asked if we had finished the nursery and I told her yes, that it turned out beautiful, but that we still needed to finish the walk in closet…" His eyes turn to mine and he looks so damn guilty._

" _What did you do?" I whisper. Oh my god what did he do?_

" _When Mel told me about Pinterest…"_

" _I don't want to hear anything about Pinterest, Melissa or anyone else. I want to know why you ended up with a cut hand and with pink paint all over you. Christian you even have paint on your eyelashes…"_

 _He smiles shyly and blushes._

" _I started on the walk in closet…" He says it so quickly that I almost don't hear it._

" _You started on the walk in closet? Did I hear that correctly?"_

" _Yeah…but I thought to myself that painting it with a brush would take too long…you see I wanted to surprise you." He hangs his head down and like he has done with me countless of times I take his chin in my hand and force him to look at me. "Talk. To. Me."_

" _I asked Sawyer to go and buy the best paint sprayer available…" Realization dawns on me. Christian bought a paint sprayer to paint the nurseries walk in closet and it went horribly wrong._

" _You didn't…please tell me you didn't…"_

" _I am afraid I did…I can't tell you exactly what and how it happened but suddenly there was paint coming from… well everywhere. Hence the paint…" He motions with his finger to his face and winces._

" _What happened to the nursery?"_

" _When you walked in I had just called Elliot…he is on his way. He should be here any minute."_

" _You didn't even stop to read the manual right Christian?"_

 _He shakes his head and sighs. "I was in a hurry Ana…and manuals are often overrated."_

" _Hellooooo, here is Elliot to the rescue!" Elliot bellows but freezes when he sees me sitting in the kitchen._

" _Hey sis…look who I brought with me." Little Zackery._

" _Give him to me…" Eight weeks old and Zackery is the cutest and most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. His hair is still dark unlike his parents who both are blondes. But his eyes, Zackery has the biggest blue eyes you have ever seen. He is a content, calm little baby. Elliot hands him over to me after giving him a big sloppy kiss on his cheek._

" _Well hello there little boy…" I kiss his cute little forehead and his cheeks and hold him against my chest. "You are so beautiful."_

" _Handsome." Both brothers grunt in unison. I just roll my eyes at them and point with my chin towards the stairs. Don't they have something to do?_

 _Before rising of his seat Christian kisses Zackery's little head and walks away._

 _End flashback._

I wasn't allowed upstairs. Much later I saw the pictures taken by Sawyer and Taylor. It was a catastrophe. Christian had turned the white walk in closet to a pink disaster.

The very same day a complete team of painters completed the walk in closet, this of course under the watchful eye of my husband. And yes, the walk in closet is now pink with even an entire wall with a shoe display, while we don't even know if we are having a boy or a girl.

Every time he goes away on a business trip he comes back with a present for the baby. The first time he had bought her a little wooden pram. When I asked him why he bought her a wooden pram he looked at me funny and shrugged. He then said. "This is for her favorite dolls." The second time he bought a super girly floral horse. It even makes horse sound effect.

 **CPOV**

You know that moment that you are asleep and you hear a noise and you automatically assume that it is happening in your dream? Well this is one of those times. A quick look at the alarm clock tells me that it is almost three AM and the date is June 18th. It is my birthday, but most importantly Ana's due date. Sniffling. I hear soft sniffles coming from the other side of the room.

I turn around and see my wife's standing in front of the window, he hands covering her belly.

"Ana, what is wrong? Why are you out of bed?"

Her eyes are huge and teary as she turns to look at me. "I think I am having contractions…"

I am awake! It takes seconds to jump out of bed and walk to where Ana is standing. I will never forget the look on her face for as long as I life. _She is afraid._

"I am calling Doctor Torrey…" But where the fuck is my phone? I am just about to turn around when I feel my wife's small hand wrapped around my wrist. "Don't move…" _Okay, okay…change of plans…don't fucking move Grey._

The hold on my wrist tightens with every passing seconds until she bends over. Her head is against my chest. She has one hand on her belly while she starts panting. _Oh fuck. Oh fuck._

"Oh…ow…" Then a gush of water bursts from between her legs. _Holy mother of Jesus._

We just stand there. Stupidly. Watching the droplets of water fall from the edge of her nightgown into the rug. Ana's big blue eyes immediately fill with tears. The tears course down her cheeks and then I see her bottom lip trembling. "I am afraid Christian."

"It is going to be all right baby…" I hold the back of her head and press her against my chest. After another kiss I release her and take a step back. "No…no don't leave me please…"

"I don't think the nurses will appreciate it if I show up like this in the hospital…" She looks down at my naked form and reluctantly takes a step back however she doesn't let go of my wrist.

"I am going with you." She states and at this point I don't even want to argue with her.

Thirty minutes later we waddle down the stairs to a pacing Taylor and Sawyer. Gail is standing by the door holding a bag. "This is for you Mr. Grey…" When I look strangely at the bag she is giving me she shrugs. "Just a few snacks and drinks."

"Thank you Gail…"

Seated in the back of the car Ana is breathing through her contractions that are now six minutes apart. "Does it hurt baby?" I am completely out of my depth here. Seeing my wife is so much pain is horrendous. There is nothing that I can do except holding her hand.

"Does it look like it doesn't?" She snaps. But immediately her eyes fill with tears again. "It hurts Christian…and I am scared." Her voice is hushed and small. My chest tightens painfully and I have never felt so helpless in my life. I know my wife can see through my like no one else, but I try my damnedest to hide it. "I have read that this labor thing is a breeze…" I try to sound as casual as possible while I brush my thumbs in a soothing manner over my wife's knuckles.

"Tell me…" She pants.

"I read this article once that said that woman in Africa pop a kid out right in the middle of the field. They clean it up, put it in their backpack, and go right back to work. I mean how hard can it be?"

She looks at me through her eyelashes and snorts. "Easy for you to say Grey. You had the fun part. Besides if men had to go through labor…the human race would have probably died out with Adam…"

I can't help but laugh at this. Because again, my wife is totally right. Men may be stronger physically…but when it comes to everything else woman come out on top. But hey, not totally stupid here…I am sure as fuck not going to say this out loud.

We arrive at the hospital where Taylor parks at the emergency entrance we are immediately redirected to the maternity ward.

After dealing with the necessary paperwork we are guided to a private room. Ana in the meantime is holding my hand for dear life and bravely breathing through her contractions. _Fuck, she is so strong._

Then shit gets real. After helping Ana change in a gown a nurse walks in and takes her pulse, blood pressure and temperature. I am about to throttle the woman when the nurse just keeps asking question after question. However, one delicate raised eyebrow from my wife tells me that I need to shut the fuck up or else…

Then doctor Torrey breezes in the room saving me from having a heart attack. However, from the look on her face you wouldn't tell it is 4 AM and she doesn't seem nervous or affected by the chaos in the room.

"Good morning Ana, Christian." She looks at both of us and smiles graciously. At that exact moment Ana is hit by another contraction. They seem to come quicker now and last longer.

"Well, it seems we are going to have a baby today." She says cheerful. _No shit Sherlock. Just get a fucking move on things._

While Doctor Torrey reads Ana's chart the nurse attaches Ana to an electronic fetal monitor.

"Why is that needed?" I ask looking at the grumpy nurse. _Keep that face up and you will see what grumpy really looks like woman!_

"That is so that we can monitor the frequency and durations of Mrs. Grey's contractions, as well as your baby's heart rate."

"Does everything look normal? The heartrate? The baby is not in distress?"

It is like I get a glimpse of a smile, but maybe she is passing gas. "Everything looks fine Mr. Grey."

"I am going to feel your belly Ana to assess your baby's position." When Ana's eyes get wide she continues quickly. "I don't think the baby has moved since the last time you were here, but it is just a standard procedure. Then I am going to do a pelvic exam to check your cervix for dilation."

"Okay…" Ana says meekly and grips on to my hand for dear life.

"Well, it seems that this little one is in a rush." Doctor Torrey says as she peels of her gloves. "You are 7 centimeters dilated at the moment. Try to sleep in between the contractions and if there is anything you need just push that red button over there."

Out of the blue Ana starts crying silently. "I am so scared…what if something goes wrong?"

Doctor Torrey then takes my wife's hand in hers and smiles encouragingly. "It is perfectly normal to feel this way Ana, but your baby is doing well…" She glances at the monitor and smiles. "Your contractions are strong and so is your baby's heartrate. I expect that you will be having a perfect, healthy little baby in your arms in a few hours."

I watch Doctor Torrey and the nurse leave the room. I somehow need to speak to the Doctor without Ana overhearing it. "I need to talk to Taylor really fast." I kiss the bump a few times and then Ana.

"Don't be long okay…"

"Promise baby…" Then I am out of the door, running to catch up with Doctor Torrey. "Doctor Torrey!" She stops and turns. She is smiling and shaking her head lightly. _Yeah, yeah…she knows what's coming._

"Christian, how are you."

"Yeah, good. I wanted to ask you about the baby's heartrate. Wasn't that a little high?"

"It is well within the normal range. It is normal to see minor fluctuations in the baby's heartrate during labor." She looks understanding, but she is used to this already.

"Okay…" I nod and continue. "And what about Ana's blood pressure?"

"Ana's blood pressure is perfect. Look I know how you feel…"

"I don't think you do." I say sharply. "Because Ana and that baby are everything to me…everything…" I pause briefly when I feel the lump in my throat. "If anything would ever happen to them…" I can't even finish the sentence.

"Trust me I know how you feel Christian. Focus on the positives. Ana is young and strong. I have every reason to believe that this delivery will progress without any complications." She smiles again and pats my shoulder. "Now go back to Ana."

"Thank you Doctor Torrey." I run back to Ana's room where Sawyer and Taylor are posted. _Good._

"Everything all right Mr. Grey. Can we do something for Mrs. Grey…get her something?" Sawyer asks and he looks genuinely concerned.

"No thank you Sawyer. Just make sure nobody enters this room besides the approved hospital staff."

"Hi…" My wife is laying in the exact same position as how I left her five minutes ago.

"Hi, so how was your talk with Doctor Torrey…" She gives me a smile but that fades immediately when she is hit by another contraction. They seem to come faster now and they last fucking long.

The only thing I can do is hold her hand, help her through those fucking contractions and wipe her forehead with a cloth. _I feel fucking useless._

"Christian…" Ana pants.

"What is it baby?"

"There is a gift for you in the bag…well two actually. Can you get those for me?" She starts crying and I have no clue whether the tears come from the pain she is going through right now or something completely different. Her big blue eyes are droopy and teary and I just wish there was something I could do for her.

I am back in no time holding two presents in my hand. One is formed in the shape of a book and the other one is a small package. Both are perfectly wrapped.

Ana motions with her hand to come closer. "It is your birthday today…" Again tears form in her eyes. "I am sorry that it is such a crappy birthday…I wanted to make you breakfast in bed…and sing for you…" We both laugh at her last remark. "Happy birthday Christian…"

"Ana…" Carefully I wipe a tear from her cheeks and smile at my beautiful wife. "I think this is going to be the best birthday I have ever had…now can I open these presents now?"

"Yes…the big one first…and hurry…" She says.

Ana giggles when I stare at the book in my hand. "Painting for dummies?" I say.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't not do it…" I quickly browse through the book and I must admit that there are quite some good tips in here. "Okay…so my next project is going to be your office." I deadpan.

Her eyes turn big. "Just kidding baby…"

She relaxes and hands me the smaller gift.

"Cufflinks…" I say when I open the little box.

"Yes…with the June and September birthstone. You know for both of our babies…"

"I love them, they are perfect Ana…" I kiss her wet cheeks repeatedly. "Please don't cry…they are perfect."

"I love you Christian…"

"I love you too Ana."

I take a close look at the cufflinks and I mean every word. They are fucking perfect. The cufflinks are made from white gold and they are set with the June and September stones. Alexandrite and Sapphire.

From that point on things go really fast. Ana's contractions start coming faster and last a hell of a lot longer. This part is truly awful. The helplessness I feel while my wife is in pain is like something I have never experienced before.

"I need to push Christian…I really need to push…" Ana says panting.

"Are you sure?" I look at the clock in the room and back at my wife.

"Do I look like I am not fucking sure?" She hisses. "Get the doctor in here now…"

* * *

"Okay Ana…let's do this." Doctor Torrey says after having examined Ana again.

I have no fucking clue where Ana gets the strength from. Without uttering one single word she does exactly as what the doctor tells her.

"Ana, you are doing an amazing job." Doctor Torrey appraises my wife. "The head is out…now a few more pushes and you can finally hold your baby…"

Ana pushes four, five, six times in a row when I hear someone say. "Shoulders."

They baby twists and the doctor pulls the baby out in one motion up on Ana's chest. There is a baby on my wife's chest. Our little baby is screaming, flailing around…quite frankly pissed off.

Then Ana murmurs something in the baby's ear and it stops crying. Ana is crying and smiling. I rest my face against my wife's and look into our baby's eyes. Neither of us says anything for a long time. There are no words needed. _Our baby is perfect._

And then very quietly Ana asks. "What is it?" I can't fucking believe that I have been too stunned to check out the gender.

"It is a girl. Congratulations Christian and Ana…" A girl. I have a girl. A little, precious, perfect girl. I am mesmerized that we made her together.

Things pass in a blur form that moment. I cut the cord and they take our little girl across the room to be examined. "Go, with her Christian. Don't leave her side." Ana urges me not taking her eyes from our daughter. _I won't…I won't ever leave her side._

For a few seconds I just stand there. Unsure of what to do while the doctor checks out our little girl.

"Mr. Grey?" I hear someone saying. I tear my eyes from my daughter and look at the grumpy nurse. She is smiling now. _She looks creepy._

"Come over here, stand right here next to your baby, and just start talking to your daughter. It is okay…she knows your voice, go ahead and talk to your daughter…"

"Hi, little girl…it is me…daddy…don't cry okay…it is okay. You are safe. I love you." It is amazing because once she hears my voice she immediately calms down. Her little body relaxes. She starts blinking through the bright lights and turns her head to look at me. It is in that exact moment that my heart melts and I officially fall in love with my daughter. I keep talking to her until she is wrapped in a pink blanket and handed to me. While I stand there with my daughter safely in my arms the enormity of this moment hits me. It is surreal, wonderful, and awesome. This tiny, precious person will forever be connected to us. I feel profound love, proud and joy.

 **Three hours later.**

Ana is sleeping peacefully and I stare at our daughter in my arms. She is perfect. She has the perfect amount of brown hair, the cutest nose and the poutiest lips I have ever seen. Our daughter is the spitting image of her mother and I can't stop staring at her.

"Hey little angel…you are beautiful you know that?" Pressing a soft kiss on her forehead I take in her unique scent. Perfect. I am one of the wealthiest man in the world and all my fortune fits in the palm of my hand.

"I know we have talked a lot during the past few months, but there is something I really need to tell you. I promise to love you unconditionally for as long as I live. I need to warn you though…because I will stalk you, flip you out, drive you insane, lecture you…in short I am going to be your worst fucking nightmare. But that is only because I love you. You will never find anyone else in your life who loves you more than mommy and I. My love for you will make me cautious. Prospective boyfriends are going to have to pass inspection, and not because I don't trust you but because I love you. You are going to have to call me and text me when you are out of the house. I know that I am going to fuck up eventually, because I do that sometimes…but then I want you to reassure me that you still love me." I carefully kiss her forehead again and feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. "Alexandra, I promise you that I will hold you when you cry, I will scold you when you break the rules and I will shine with pride when you succeed and I will have faith in you even in you fail."

 _Alexandra Grace Grey was born at 07.56 of June 18, 2013. Alexandra weighs six pounds and thirteen ounces._

 **APOV – one month later**

I look at Christian who is holding our baby in his arms while he walks towards me. I am sitting in our garden on my favorite spot. Nearby the field of forget-me-nots we planted as soon as we moved in here.

The first week after Alexandra was born was a whirlwind of new experiences. I don't think we slept that entire week and then sheer exhaustion set in. Everyone, especially Elliot likes to remind us that the exhaustion does not go away, it is the new normal. In the end it doesn't matter, because as I have told Christian repeatedly, we couldn't imagine life any different or more wonderful than it is now. The first week was terrifying. Breastfeeding hurt but when she finally latched and fell asleep in my arms I was struck at how pure and beautiful she was. None of my complaints mattered. Alexandra is here and I need to take care of her.

I will never forget the moment when I held our daughter in my arms. That tiny bundle was mine. I had become a mom. I was exhausted, grateful for a healthy baby and profoundly happy, all at once.

Despite weeks of feeling movement and fantasizing about our baby, despite months of having strange dreams, worrisome thoughts and musings about what kind of mother I would be, the first time I held my baby girl in my arms I knew that my life would never be the same again. This little, beautiful baby was now dependent on us. But more than anything else, I want to be the best mother possible.  
Now after one month I can say that we are finding our way, but what will happen when Christian returns to work. Because yes, Christian has been staying at home with us for the last month. Sure, he works from his office while we nap, but as soon as one of us wakes up he is there watching us like a hawk and taking care of us.

Christian has been nothing but amazing. He is simply the best father and husband. He talks to her, sings to her and the smile hasn't left his face since the day our little girl was born.

"Hi baby…" Christian sits down graciously while safely holding on to our daughter.

"Hi…"

"Little Miss Alexandra has now a clean diaper and is ready to be fed." He says smiling. As Christian places our in pink dressed daughter in my arms I feel proud and extremely happy.

My greatest wish for her is that she always knows how much I love her and that she walks through life knowing that I will always be there for here anyway I can.

* * *

 **A/N.: Next week the epilogue! Don't forget to check out the Pinterest page!**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **X Alner**


	40. AN: Wish

**Authors note: Someday / Wish**

 **Hello,**

 **Some of you are probably disappointed that this isn't an update. But I just wanted to let you know that I won't be updating this week. I don't know when I will be able to update and if I do I won't be able to update weekly (like I normally do).**

 **My mother's health has deteriorated significantly this past week. The prognosis given by her doctors is not good.**

 **I know that some of you come here to read the stories and not to read about the author's personal life. However I felt the need to give you some kind of explanation.**

 **I also want to let you know that both stories will be finished. Unfortunately I don't have much time to write at the moment and to be honest sometimes my head is in a different place entirely.**

 **I also want to apologize for not replying to the reviews. Especially the ones who had questions. I am sorry, but I hope you understand.**

 **Thank you for your patience.**

 **Alner X**


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 40 – Epilogue - Ten years later**

 ** _"_** ** _Give the ones you love wings to fly,_**

 ** _roots to come back,_**

 ** _and reasons to stay"_**

 ** _Dalai Lama_**

 **CPOV**

"Anastasia Rose Grey! For the love of god will you just please stop laughing? This is not funny." I glare at her but that only makes her laugh even harder.

"Oh my god…" Ana wipes the tears from her face. "You should have seen your face when Doctor Torrey told us that we were expecting another girl." She leans her head back against the seat and giggles. Her hand laying protectively over her belly.

"Well this means we will have to try again." I say matter of fact. Ana's smile disappears immediately and now she is the one glaring at me.

"No way Grey…no…no…no!" She waves her finger in my face and before I know it she is gripping on to the lapels of my jacket sending my head towards hers.

"We. Made. A. deal." She says and fuck if she doesn't sound scary.

"We did?" I squeak. I vaguely remember something…but I pushed it back…way back.

"We. Did." She says annunciating every word. "After Felicity was born you wanted to try for a boy…when I finally relented I told you that it didn't matter if this baby would be a boy or a girl but that you would get the snip." I swallow and nod meekly. My hand automatically reaches for my dick and I wince.

"Really? You would really would let someone put his or her hands on my dick?" I ask. I give her one of my pouts…this usually works…today it doesn't. _Fuck!_

She simply nods her head. _She totally would._ "I pushed out three little human beings out of my body Christian, I think you don't really have any reason to pout." She hisses. "Besides." She starts and I see her shoulders relaxing. "It is just a simple procedure Christian…they first numb you with local anesthetic and they use a scalpel to make two small incisions…"

"Anastasia stop right fucking now…"

"There is a little cutting… a little sealing and voila…the job is done. And from what I read you can resume sexual intercourse within a week." She grins at me. Ana reaches for my hand and brushes her hand over my knuckles. The grin has disappeared and it is replaced by worry.

"You are happy aren't you Christian?"

"What do you mean? Of course I am happy!" I pull my hand free from her grasp and cradle her beautiful face. "I don't care if we have four girls or ten…as long as they are healthy and happy…"

She giggles. "Ten girls would put you into an early grave Grey…"

"They probably would. I mean we have three now and one on the way and they have me wrapped around their little fingers. But really Ana, I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Neither would I…" Ana sighs and leans her head against my shoulder.

* * *

"So another girl huh?" My brother grins at me and brings the bottle of beer to his mouth. "You just can't make boys apparently…" He says smugly. Stretching his legs in front of him he stares at the sea in front of us. Bainbridge Island. We come here often. Despite the fact that our house in Seattle is much bigger than this house, Ana loves it here. Just like our daughters and myself. Besides this is where it all started. Tradition has been for the last decade to celebrate our birthdays here on Bainbridge Island.

"Shut the fuck up Elliot."

"Just saying man…I mean four girls…" He winces and turns his head to look at me. "They are beautiful though…when they grow up you will have to add a few more CPO's to each one of them…"

"Will you just shut the fuck up!" I growl this time. But he's right. Just the thought of my eldest daughter announcing to us within a few years that she has a boyfriend or wants to go on a date gives me fucking nightmares and panic attacks.

"Hey dad." Zackery says as he approaches to where we are sitting. "Hey Uncle Christian." He gives me a smile. "Where are the girls?"

"Tree house." Elliot says and motions with his chin towards the massive tree house that he build for Alexandra's fifth birthday. The tree house is like I said huge and really cool. It even has running water and electricity.

"But it is only Alexandra and one of her friends…" I say.

"Oh…which friend." He asks and starts nervously shifting his feet. I hold back my laughter when I see his face turning a shade darker pink. Zackery Christian is ten years old and extremely tall for his age. His arms and legs are totally out of proportion when you compare it to the rest of his body. With his blond curls, big smile and blue eyes he is the spitting image of Elliot…however personality wise he looks more like Meghan. Zackery is thoughtful and sweet.

Three months after Zackery was born Meghan fell into a depression. At first we all thought that everything was too overwhelming for her…that until my brother put all the pieces together. She cried nonstop and she actually didn't want to spend time alone with Zackery. Meghan was diagnosed with postpartum depression. It nearly cost my brother his marriage. She was hospitalized for nearly one year. At that time my brother divided his attention between his wife and his newborn son. Zackery mostly stayed with my parents, but he also spend a lot of time with Ana and me. I can honestly say that Zackery is like a son to me.

During that year, Elliot asked Henri, Ana's uncle to handle Grey Construction. And he did. He told Elliot to focus on his family. Henry and Kelly are still married and living in Seattle.

"Uhm…I think the one with the short blonde hair." I say and gauge his expression. I guess that he doesn't like _this_ friend since he looks indifferent.

"I will go and see what they are doing." He says and saunters of in the direction of the treehouse.

"What does the sign say that they hung on the tree house?" My brother says squinting his eyes.

I shrug. "It says Boys not allowed. They even painted a black skull on it."

 _"_ _Zack…oooh…Zackery Christian Grey…can't you read?"_ Yup that would be my daughter.

 _"_ _Come one Alex…don't be such a girl…"_

 _"_ _But I am a girl Zackery…And don't call me Alex…"_ She wines.

 _"_ _Come on Alex…let me in…"_ Zack says again totally ignoring her.

"Alexandra…let him in!" I bellow.

We hear and exasperated squeal until we see Zackery's long legs disappearing into the tree house.

"Did it ever cross your mind, let's say twelve years ago, that you would be sitting here, married with an awesome chick, three daughters and another one on the way?" My brother says looking at me.

"No…I didn't." I clear my throat and focus my attention on the bottle of beer in my hand. "I never thought I would have any of this." I wave with my hand around me. "…until I met Anastasia…she made things better. My organized world started shifting on its axis and it just got better and better."

"Good man…" Elliot says silently.

"How about you?" I ask and smirk.

"It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns, but I would never want to go back to my bad boy-whoring days." He admits.

We both look back when we hear someone approaching. It is Jesse. Kate fucking Kavanagh's kid.

"Hey Elliot. Hey Christian." He says casually.

"Hey bud…how are you doing?"

He simply shrugs and stares towards the ocean. "Where is Zackery?"

"Up at the treehouse. Let me warn you though…" Elliot says with a grin. "Alexandra and her blonde friend are there too…"

"Okay…" He shrugs again and saunters of in the direction of the treehouse.

"How is he doing?" Elliot asks when we see Jesse disappearing into the treehouse.

"He still spends a lot of time with Mia and Ethan." I say and place my now empty beer bottle on the floor. His mother is now CEO at Kavanagh Media. She jumped at the occasion when Ethan took a step back. Since then Jesse spend more and more time with us or Mia and Ethan. His father is a fucking low life who left Kate a year after Jesse was born.

"I sometimes run into his low life father…he is a son of a bitch." Elliot mutters under his breath.

I wholeheartedly agree with my brother. Even though Kate and I never got to be friends I really pitied her that day when she showed up crying on our doorstep telling us that Gregg had left for New York.

Kate recovered fairly quickly when her father asked her to come back and work at Kavanagh Media. She immersed completely in her job and Jesse was left more often than not with her brother and Mia. When Jesse was eight years old his father appeared on their doorstep and told him that he regretted leaving him when he was so small and told him that he wanted to get to know his son. Jesse simply told him to leave and to never come back again. He never mentioned what happened…he refused to talk about it. Jesse reminds me a lot of myself at that age. I know that he feels abandoned by both his parents. According to Ethan and Mia he doesn't cause them any trouble. He is just a silent, brooding child. He loves spending time with Ethan and Mia's son James. James…or Jamie as everyone calls him is five years old. Even though he has strawberry blonde hair and green eyes he has his mother's bubbly personality. He and Elizabeth get into a lot of trouble together.

What the hardest thing about being a dad is you ask? Well when I became a dad, today exactly ten years ago, in my experience, you become simultaneously stronger and weaker. Stronger because you have this new love. Weaker because you are suddenly vulnerable. There is this tiny bundle of joy that is outside you and I am responsible for her…or them. So, the hardest thing was when Alexandra got sick for the first time. And when she fell for the first time and nearly knocked a tooth and cut her gums…normally that would had send me into a full blown panic attack. But instead I had to stay calm and cope. Actually I didn't stay calm, but my wife did. _She is amazing._

Ten years later and three daughters richer and one more little one on the way, I can truly say that I am a veteran in this parenting thing. I would have appreciated some guidance when this parenting thing started. First there are the poop diapers.

I can't even tell you how many times a diaper change has turned into a horrible massacre. Somehow the poop was blown out of the back of her diaper, made his way up the back of her onesie and sometimes even reached the back of her head. A simple diaper change suddenly turned into bath time. Believe me…it happens often. Since we are on the topic of diapers, here is my next advice; when changing a diaper make sure to always have a clean diaper in your hand. Always! Ana says it is caused by the fresh air, I say it is an expression of appreciation. Then we have the spit-up accidents. I will never, ever forget the first time I saw Alexandra smile. Like the annoying fucker I am I was on the floor raising and lowering her to my face, triggering a smile as our noses touched each time. It was fun, as long as it lasted. Because as I was lowering her to touch noses, she smiled…and then a volcanic eruption of spit landed on my face. A few things you should know about spit-up. It burns the eyes and it tastes awful.

I close my eyes, stretch my legs and lean my head against the recliner. I just need a little moment of relaxation before this house turns into a crazy mess of people and kids.

* * *

"Daddy! Daddy!" I wince when I see our four year old daughter Elizabeth running towards me. Her arms are flying around, as are her little chubby legs. Her soft, short, fiery red curls are in a constant disarray on her head. She used to have it longer, but then my daughter decided she needed a haircut and cut her hair off. My daughters are all the spitting image of their mother, but unfortunately they also share her clumsiness. Especially Elizabeth. "Hey peanut…" I hold my arms out to catch her and hold her against my chest. Immediately I bury my nose in those soft curls. She smells like… dirt.

"It is your birthday today Daddy!" She squeals. Her little, chubby and very dirty hands rub along my face while she crinkles her nose in that fucking adorable way. Her hands then move to my ears and she starts pulling. Her eyes are the exact same color as mine and I fucking love it. She makes silly faces as she keeps pulling my ears and a glint of mischief flickers into those gray eyes. Elizabeth Laura Grey is a force to be reckoned with. She came into the world one week overdue…and crying her lungs out. Ana was ready to pull her hair out…and mine. Elizabeth personality though is different from mine or Ana's. She is constantly getting into trouble and I am sure that she doesn't mean to…it just happens to her. Elizabeth is a little tomboy. She likes playing with dirt, climbing into trees and she finds, much to her mother's annoyance and horror, bugs utterly fascinating. The best way to describe Elizabeth would be sunshine mixed with a little hurricane.

"What is it that you wanted to tell me?"

"It is time for the present's daddy and I know a secret!" She whispers. Well she thinks she is whispering, because she sucks at it.

"Daddy loves secrets…" I wiggle my eyebrows and kiss the tip of her nose. "Why don't you whisper it in my ear…" Her face lights up like a Christmas tree and then she leans in with her little hands covering her mouth.

"Elizabeth Laura Grey!" Oh…oh…it is Anastasia. And she is using her full name that means that this little peanut somehow got into trouble.

"Oh darn…that's mommy…" She curses and hides her face in the crook of my neck. I should scold her for cursing, but fuck she is too damn cute.

"What did you do?" I whisper.

"It was just an accident daddy…and accidents happen…" She says indignantly.

"Elizabeth…" Ana is standing with her hands on both of her hips, her face red and her tummy swollen. I fucking love her when she is pregnant.

"Yes mommy…" It is briefly but I see Ana's eyes soften when Elizabeth lifts her face and looks at her with those gray eyes and pouty lips.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you are not supposed to paint on the walls…" _Oh fuck._

Elizabeth opens her mouth but gets cut off by her very pregnant and very angry mother.

"And don't say that it was an accident…"

"I am going to be an artist mommy…and…and an artist needs a big canvass…" I really, really try not to smile, but I fail. Ana's eyes bore into mine. "Yeah you smile now Grey. You won't smile when you see what she drew on the living room wall." She takes a deep breath and sighs. "Fix it Grey." She points towards the house and then she spins on her heels. "Oh before I forget." She says again. "You won't be using any spray painter!"

Really it has been what? Ten years…and she still hasn't forgotten about that itty bitty accident with Alexandra's walk in closet. _Ridiculous._

"So you want to become an artist now?" I set Elizabeth down on the ground and extend my hand. She immediately takes hold of it and walks with me towards the house.

"Yes…I do…" She nods her head and when the curls fall over her eyes she huffs and roughly pushes them out of the way.

"But last week you told me you wanted to join the circus." I look down at her and I can see the little wheels turning.

"Uh huh…but then you told me how dangerous it was…and that I wouldn't be able to stay at home. That I had to go far, far away and life with the clowns…" Yes, that's me a manipulating son of a bitch. Elizabeth hates clowns.

"And I really don't want to life with the clown's daddy…I want to stay at home. With mommy, daddy, Alexandra and Felicity…"

"And the new baby…"

"I guess so…" She shrugs and walks beside me holding my hand towards our house.

"I can't believe it dad. I am so humiliated." I look at my ten year old daughter and give her a smile.

"What is humiliating sweetheart?" Alexandra Grace Grey looks exactly like Ana. Her hair, her eyes, her lips…even her personality. Alexandra is considerate, sweet and extremely loving. She is also extremely stubborn. Like I said. Just like her mother.

"Have you actually seen what…what…" She looks with a red face towards her little sister and stomps her foot.

"Have I seen what?" I say impatiently _. Christ, girls and their drama._

"What she drew on the wall!" She screeches. "All of my friends will be arriving in less than ten minutes and they will all see what this little…brat drew on the wall…" Overly dramatic she rolls her eyes at me and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"What is it that you drew peanut?" I look down at Elizabeth who is looking too innocent. Her big gray eyes wide, however there is that little grin on her face.

"It was just a flower daddy…"

"It doesn't look like a flower at all Elizabeth!" Alexandra says annoyed. I feel Elizabeth hand slip from mine and with her little hands clasped on her hips she takes a step towards her older sister.

"It. Is. A. flower. Alexandra." She practically hisses at her older sister. _Oh fuck here we go again. WWIII has started._

"It. Is. Not." Alexandra retorts without missing a beat. "It looks like a…" Her blue eyes dart to me and a blush creeps up her cheeks.

"Like what Alexandra?" I ask.

She crinkles her button nose and closes her eyes. "Just ask mom…"

"I am asking you young lady." Her cheeks turn even redder and when she looks at me I know that I am not going to like what she is about to say.

"Dad…it…well…it looks like a…penis." She whispers and looks over her shoulder to see if anyone else heard her say the word penis. _What. The fuck?_ How does she even know how a…a…dick looks like? I mean this is my little girl. At the age of ten she is not supposed to say the word penis and she sure as fuck doesn't need to know how a penis looks like.

"Daddy…what is a penis?" Elizabeth asks pulling me out of my miserable thoughts.

At that same moment I see Sam jogging towards us. "Hey Uncle Christian." He smiles and looks at Elizabeth.

"Sam…what is a penis?" Elizabeth asks looking up at him. Her face a picture of curiosity.

Sam's eyes go wide as he stares at my daughter. "Ask your dad…" Brushing both hands through his hair he looks at me and shakes his head. "Good luck with that…she is like a dog with a bone." _Don't I fucking know it._

"Hey Alexandra." He says timidly looking at my daughter.

"Hi Sam." She says shyly.

"Happy birthday." His eyes dart quickly to mine and then he gives my daughter a swift kiss on her cheek.

"Yeah…thanks…" Alexandra mutters. They both stand there awkwardly staring at each other until Elizabeth decides to speak again.

"Sam…what is a penis?"

Elizabeth's voice pull Alexandra and Sam from their staring stupor. Sam simply picks up Elizabeth and gives her a sweet kiss on her cheek. "Ask your dad rug rat…"

After putting her back on de floor he turns around and jogs back to the house. However I see him looking over his shoulder one more time to stare at my eldest daughter. _What the fuck?_

"Let us go inside." I say more gruffly than I intent to.

We enter the house and I immediately see everyone gathered in front of the wall. Or maybe I should say "the canvass"

"Oh dear God." My mother says. My dad who is standing beside her has his head cocked to one side and then I hear him chuckle.

"Oh God…this looks like a…" Meghan starts but then quickly takes a step back and looks at Elliot who is grinning like an idiot.

"Oh shit man…look at that…" Sam says to Jesse whose face is red as a fucking tomato.

"Language Sam…" His mother says.

"Sorry mom…" He says immediately and ducks his face. Probably hiding his laughter. I hear Ben softly snickering next to Dani. With just one look from Dani he wipes the smile from his face. _Yeah, completely pussy wiped too._

Dani and Ben, the gastroenterologist, married about seven years ago. He is actually a good guy. He treats Dani as a queen and Sam like his own son. José fucking Rodriguez disappeared to Mexico after a catastrophic talk with his son. Sam, who had just turned five years old at that time, was terrified when he saw his father marked in tattoos and a gigantic beard. Right after that talk Sam started having nightmares again and wetting himself. It was heartbreaking to see him go through that amount of hurt. Ben however stepped up and starting acting like a father to him. Whenever his schedule allowed it he made sure to take Sam to school, swimming classes etc. When Sam got older he took him to the Mariner's game. Sam never stopped visiting us though. Sam has grown into a responsible fifteen year old boy.

"Daddy, why is everyone laughing?" _Well probably because you painted something looking like a dick._ Elizabeth is now standing next to me, her little, clammy hand holding tightly on to mine. I look down at her gray eyes and smile.

It can be that bad. I think to myself. I mean this has happened before. It is certainly not the first time that Elizabeth painted something on the walls. I mean what is the big deal? Taylor calls a painter and voila, problem solved. But somehow…something tells me that this is going to be different than all the innocent drawings she has drawn before.

"See that daddy?" Elizabeth tugs at my hand and points to the wall. "They are all looking at my drawing." She says excited her gray eyes shining with pride.

I clear my throat and watch everyone looking to where the sound came from. And holy mother of fuck. That is certainly not a flower. It look just like a huge deformed dick. _Christ_.

"Grandma Grace…what is a penis?" Elizabeth asks again.

Not feeling embarrassed or surprised by her granddaughters question, my mother turns around and gathers Elizabeth in her arms peppering her face with little kisses.

"Grandma I asked you a question." Elizabeth giggles. Sam is right. She just can't let go. She is like a dog with a fucking bone.

"A penis is a male body part used for urination." My mother says calmly.

"What is u…u…uri…" Elizabeth tries and sighs impatiently.

"Urination?" My mother asks smiling.

"Yeah…that…" Elizabeth says as she keeps her eyes on my mother.

"Urination is the same as peeing..." My mom says.

Elizabeth eyes grow wide as she stares at my mother. She then shudders and crinkles her nose. Her face turns to the gigantic dick she drew on the wall and then back at my mother.

"Grandma…Alexandra says that my drawing looks like a penis…but it is not a penis it is a flower…"

"A very exotic looking flower though…" My brother murmurs. "Dude just tell me that your dick doesn't look like that…" He whispers in my ear. I simply give him the finger. _Asshole._

"I think it is a lovely…flower." My mother glances at the wall one more time before returning her attention back at Elizabeth. "I think the flower is lovely…however you know what mommy and daddy told you about drawing on the walls…" My mom says. Her voice is still soft however there is this tone saying 'don't mess with me.' _Believe me…we don't._

"I promise grandma, it was just a surprise for daddy…and Alexandra…" She adds quickly looking at her still scowling and very embarrassed sister. "…because it is their birthday today…" She holds her hands in the air in an exasperated manner and sighs dramatically.

"Look who woke up from her nap." Gail says. She is standing with our youngest daughter, Felicity Rose, in her arms. My two year old daughter has her head buried in Gail's shoulder her favorite blanket tucked in her little fist. Felicity loves sleep. What she doesn't like though is to be woken up. Just like her mommy. If you think that Ana's morning moods were bad…well than you haven't seen nothing yet. When we wake her up we aren't allowed to speak to her. We simply smile, murmur a good morning and change her diaper. Felicity will only engage in talking after she has had her breakfast. Felicity is a quiet, sweet little girl. She loves spending time with me in my office where she will sit in my lap and simply stares at the laptop screen. She giggles when I get into a heated discussion and claps her little chubby hands when I smack my phone against the wall. Felicity loves books. She can spend hours on end 'reading' a book. She then murmurs unintelligent words while her little finger skims the words. She also adores her two sisters. Felicity has light brown hair with little streaks of copper woven through it. Her big blue eyes are almost too big for her face and with her little button nose and pouty lips she is like a mini-replica of her mother. She is just like her sisters…perfect.

I look at Ana who is looking at Felicity with only adoration and love in her eyes. "Do you want to come with mommy?" Ana asks softly. Felicity just nods her head and when she is settled on Ana's hip she rests her head on her shoulder. Scowling she looks at the people gathered around the fucking wall. I goofily wink at her and make funny faces until a little smile appears on her lips. _Yeah, that is my girl._

* * *

It is three days later and we are back in Seattle. Taylor stops the car in front of our house and I sigh in contentment. I enjoy the few moments of silence before I step into the house.

"Have a good day Sir." Taylor says smiling. Yeah, he knows how crazy things can get in the Grey household. But what do you expect with three girls. Would I want it to be different? Nope.

"Thank you Taylor. See you tomorrow." Since Taylor is a man of few words he simply nods his head.

"Oh my God! Elizabeth what is that?" I hear Ana shrieking. Her voice isn't laced in anger…no it is fear.

I hurry my way into the living room where Elizabeth is holding something in a box for Ana to see. Ana's face is ashen as she stares in to the box. Ana's hand flies to her mouth and I see her waggling towards the nearest bathroom.

"Elizabeth Laura Grey." I say. "What have you done?"

"Daddy! You are home!" In her enthusiasm she drops the carton box onto the floor as she skips her way to where I am standing.

"Hey peanut." Lifting her into my arms I kiss her bottom nose as she giggles.

"Why is mommy upset Elizabeth?"

"Well…" She starts unsure. "I decided this morning that I want to become a doctor…just like grandma Grace…" She smiles brightly as she stares at me watching my reaction.

"So you don't want to be an artist anymore?"

"Nope…I want to become a doctor…so that is why I operated on Mr. Frog…" _Say what?_

"Who is Mr. Frog?"

Her brows furrow briefly and then she sighs. "Mr. Frog is a frog daddy…and Camelot was playing with him and then…and then Mr. Frog was not happy and he was hurt…so then I decided to operate on him…to make him better…just like grandma Grace does daddy…"

Let me explain…Camelot is one of Simba's offspring's. One day a few years ago Simba disappeared. We thought he had run away…I was delighted, Ana not so much. To my disappointment he came back one month later with company…another fucking cat. The cat just stuck with us, much to my annoyance by the way. Before I knew it Ana had called the cat…who happened to be a 'girl' Nala. Yup…that seems to be Simba's girlfriend in the movie The Lion King.

After a few days Ana found out that Nala was pregnant. Seeing the joy on Ana's face I simply couldn't kick that damned cat out of the house…so she stayed. Three kittens were born. Camelot, Snow and Shrek. Those damned cats are destructive and utterly annoying…but my wife and daughters love them. I however had a little talk with Simba and before I took him to a nice little trip to the vet.

 _Flashback._

 _Like the fucking king himself Simba is spread out on the couch. Tapping him slightly on the head he opens his eyes and looks at me with the same annoyance as I am looking at him. I grin to myself…yeah dude you don't know what is going to hit you._

 _"_ _Hey dude…what's up man…" I ask and take the now gigantic cat on my lap. "You broke on of the rules you know that right?" Simba simply yawns and rests his head on my lap._

 _"_ _You know right that the lady of the house saved your scrawny ass a few times…however not this time…" I lean closer to him until my mouth is near his ear. "She left this morning and she will be staying in New York for a couple of days. She won't be here this time to safe you…" I chuckle softly._

 _"_ _Do you see that cat carrier over there?" I point to where the carrier is standing. But Simba really can't be bothered. "You don't care right? Well let me tell you something really exciting…in just a few moments I am going to put your ass in that carrier and drive you to the vet…there they are going to operate on you. They are going to castrate you dude…" I say. I still don't get any reaction since Simba is softly snoring. "You should have used protection man…or pull out…or whatever you cats do…" I scold him. "I understand that you saw Nala and wanted to jump her bones…but dude…getting her pregnant was not cool." I shake my head and brush my fingers over his soft fur making me almost feel bad for him. "Because now I am stuck with your kids…who are destructive. They poo and pee all over my house and that pisses me off…"_

 _From the corner of my eye I see Nala approaching us. She stops and cocks her head to the side. She doesn't trust me one bit. Rightfully so._

 _"_ _Hey Nala…I am taking your man to the vet…going to have his junk fixed…" I say and watch Nala as she sits down and just stares at me._

 _"_ _I mean…he can't say I didn't warn him though…but he just wouldn't listen." I shake my head in disappointment._

 _End flashback._

And that ladies and gentleman was the day that Simba got castrated. I mean he got off the hook quite easily I have to say. I could have send him to China like I promised him many years ago.

Ana wasn't happy when she returned from New York and discovered that Simba was walking funny. I was in the doghouse for one fucking week. Wasn't allowed in sleeping in our bed. But honestly…it was fucking worth it. There will be no more surprises.

"Christian? Oh thank god you are home…" Ana says relief written all over her face.

"Hey baby…what happened?" I place Elizabeth on my hip and pull my wife into my arms.

"Elizabeth…she…she…"

"Ana just say it baby…" I say gently and kiss the top of her head.

Ana pulls away from me and pulls Elizabeth into her arms. "I am sorry mommy freaked out on you…but you really can't do things like that to frogs…" Ana says and it is pissing me off that no one is telling me what happened to that damned frog.

"It is Mr. Frog mommy and I just wanted to help him…" Elizabeth says in a really tiny voice.

"Christian you really don't want to look into the box…" Ana warns as I saunter towards the box in the middle of the living room.

And I really should have listened to her. But I am just that fucking stubborn and curious. In the box lays Mr. Frog…resting in peace or maybe I should say…pieces. Two of his legs are cut off and it looks rather disgusting.

"Elizabeth Laura Grey!" I boom turning around. "To your room!"

"But daddy…" She starts. I simply cut her off by pointing up the stairs and really my heart breaks when I see her little shoulders slumped and her soft red curls bouncing up and down as she walks up the stairs to her room.

"Where the fuck were you when she was…was…operating on that damn frog…" I whisper-yell at Ana.

"I was in the bathroom Christian. Felicity is upstairs playing with Alexandra. I promise it was just a matter of minutes…" She whispers.

"I am sorry…" I say pulling her against my chest.

"I liked her choice of being an artist better than a doctor…" Ana mutters.

"I wholeheartedly agree baby…"

"We need to talk to her Christian. I really believe that she wanted to help that poor frog…because when she came into the house she asked me if I had bandages…and then I looked into the box and I just freaked…"

"We will talk to her in a bit okay?" I say and hug my wife closer to me.

"I missed you Mr. Grey…" She purrs.

"I missed you too Mrs. Grey…" I take her chin in my hands and brush my lips against hers. At that same moment we hear someone calling our names.

"Christian! Ana!"

"God fucking damn cock-blocking family…" I curse.

"Oh my God that is Melissa!" Ana claps her hands excitedly and turns around.

"Melissa…oh I missed you!" Ana walks to where my little sister is standing with Andrew right by her side.

"Hey sis…" Melissa takes my wife into a hug.

"Hey…what about me?" I say and make my way to my little sister and her…husband. Melissa married Andrew one month ago. Since the day that Andrew showed up at my parents' house with the flowers they were almost inseparable. Somehow things got weird when Melissa started at WSU and they broke up. Melissa told Ana that Andrew had some issues. He was afraid that Melissa would leave him for someone else…so he broke up with her. Andrew was then working at GEH…but really there was nothing I could do. I talked to him and the only thing he told me was that Melissa was better off without him. It took him three months to finally pull his head out of his ass and he asked Melissa for a second chance. Melissa made him work for it…but in the end they got together. From what I see and hear, Andrew makes her really happy.

Instead of becoming a social worker Melissa decided to study English literature. Ana hired her as an intern where she will start next week. Melissa will be mentored by Ana's grandfather who is now working part time at Lambert Publishing as an editor. Ana only goes to the office for important meetings or when an author explicitly asks for her. Mike still handles the day to day business.

Ana's grandparent's still live in Seattle. The days that Ana's grandfather is at Lambert Publishing, Nana spends the days at our home with Ana and the girls. I guess they are catching up on lost time.

"Hey big brother." She smiles and hugs me. "Thank you for the amazing honeymoon…" She says with teary eyes. "England was amazing."

"You are welcome." I say and take my little sister in a hug.

"Hey Andrew…" I shake his hand and clap him on his shoulder.

"Hey Christian. What's up? How are things at GEH?" He asks anxiously.

"You are still on vacation. And don't dare and call Barney he won't answer your calls. Monday morning Andrew…"

"Where are the girls?" Melissa asks looking around.

"Well Alexandra is with Felicity." Ana says. "Elizabeth is also in her room…" Ana stares at the box in that is still laying on the floor and sighs.

"Oh, we came here directly from the airport because I missed my girls. Can you send them down please Christian?"

"I will. I just need to talk to Elizabeth." I say looking at Melissa and Andrew.

As I walk the stairs up to her room I look at the pictures covering the walls. Everyone is represented…except Ana's mother.

Despite several attempts to dissuade Ana from talking to her mother she just wouldn't listen to me. She even wouldn't listen to her grandparents who thought that it was a horrible idea. Alexandra was three months old at the time when Carla started calling. In the end when Ana finally gathered the courage to talk to her, Carla begged her to let her visit. She told her she had changed and that she was working on being a better mother. Bull-fucking-shit. However Ana being Ana thought Carla fucking Adams deserved a chance.

 _Flashback_

 _I watch my wife as she is pacing the living room wringing her hands. She looks rather pale and every time she looks at me her eyes are big and questioning._

 _"_ _Ana baby, you don't have to do this. I can still ask Taylor to escort her back to the airport." I say when I hear a car door opening and close._

 _"_ _No…I want to do this…I need to do this. Maybe she is telling the truth and she has changed. What kind of horrible daughter would that make me if I didn't gave her a second chance?" Biting my tongue I pull her towards me and kiss the top of her head repeatedly._

 _"_ _Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey." Taylor says opening the door to the living room. "Mrs. Adams is here." Taylor gives me a pointed look as he steps aside to let Cruella enter the room._

 _"_ _Anastasia…" Carla says. Her eyes frantically searching the room. She looks nervous and the smile she is giving Ana is fake._

 _"_ _Carla…" Ana says nervously as she looks at her mother. "Please have a seat." Ana gestures to the couch. Ana herself takes a seat on the loveseat next to Alexandra's bassinet._

 _"_ _Christian…" Carla nods politely. I don't even bother in replying. Because I can feel it in my bones…Carla Adams came here with a purpose and that purpose was definitely not to meet her first granddaughter or to make amends with her only daughter._

 _"_ _Look mom…this is Alexandra Grace Grey…she is my little girl…would you like to meet her?" Ana says looking from the bassinet to her mother._

 _"_ _Anastasia." She sighs. "All babies are the same." She waves her hand dismissively in the air and looks around boldly._

 _"_ _Oh…" Ana says clearly hurt._

 _"_ _Why are you here Carla?" I ask and take a seat next to my wife who looks uncomfortable and incredibly hurt._

 _"_ _Straight to the point right Christian?" She says. "I like your house." Her eyes lit up in an unnerving way that makes my skin crawl._

 _"_ _So, how have you been doing?" Ana says in an attempt to break the awful tension. "You mentioned that you were seeing a psychiatrist." Ana says hopeful. Oh baby._

 _Slowly Carla turns her head until her attention is completely focused on Ana. "Oh I did see a psychiatrist, but I just figured out that I wasn't really sure if I really wanted to be a mother…and God knows I am too young to be a grandmother, so I decided that I wanted to be free. I wanted…for once in my life that things would be about me…" She points with her finger against her chest dramatically._

 _"_ _But it was always about you…" Ana whispers. "I thought…god I am so stupid…" She whispers._

 _"_ _Just like your father. Always so gullible…so naive…"_

 _"_ _What do you want? Why are you really here if you don't want to meet your granddaughter?" Ana asks. Her voice trembling._

 _"_ _I need money." She says matter of fact. "That is all you have to offer me Ana…just money…"_

 _"_ _Right…" Ana clears her throat and I see the tears in her eyes when she looks at me._

 _"_ _Christian will you please get my checkbook?"_

 _"_ _Ana?"_

 _"_ _Please…just trust me okay?" She says squeezing my hand._

 _When I return they are both sitting in silence. Ana has Alexandra, who is fussing in her arms whispering sweet little words into her ear._

 _"_ _Here you are baby."_

 _"_ _Thank you." She says and hands me Alexandra after kissing her cheek lovingly._

 _While Ana is writing the check she looks one time at her mother. Every expression of sadness has left her beautiful face and is now replaced by determination._

 _"_ _What are you going to do with the money Carla?" Ana says looking up._

 _"_ _I am joining a commune in India…I want to focus on spirituality and…"_

 _"_ _Okay…I know enough." Ana says holding her hand ordering her to stop speaking._

 _"_ _Here you go…" Rising from her seat Ana hands her the check. "That is all you are ever going to get from my husband and me. Don't ever come back again. Don't ever…ever call me." Ana takes a deep breath and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "You are right…I might be gullible and naïve, but I am glad that I am not an evil, egocentrically human being. I will always…and I mean always put my daughter first. I will make sure she knows that I love her…unconditionally, like a mother should love her children. I will make sure that no one will hurt her and I will always make sure that she knows that she can always count on me."_

 _"_ _Anastasia…but…this is …this is not enough!" Carla shrieks looking appalled at the check in her hand._

 _"_ _Hundred and fifty dollars…that is not enough…" She continues._

 _"_ _Taylor!" Ana calls out completely ignoring her mother's objections._

 _"_ _Ana…" He says and looks worried from me to Ana. He scowls when his gaze stops at Carla._

 _"_ _Will you please take my mother to the airport and put her on the first flight to India…oh and please let it be a single ticket."_

 _"_ _Anastasia…" Carla starts._

 _"_ _Carla…hundred and fifty dollars is a lot of money in India. I would say…use it wisely…Goodbye."_

 _End flashback_

We never discussed Carla Adams again. Every now and then I ask Taylor to check up on her. From the little information he tells me Carla Adams is still living in India. I don't think that she found her spirituality though…I think she had to find a …job. Carla Adams was kicked out of the commune after one week. Without any money or place to live she was forced to take on a job as a maid for a famous Bollywood actress. Being a maid here in the US or housekeeper is not so bad, however in India it is entirely different. The irony is that in India being a maid is not even considered a profession. They aren't even entitled to pension or post-retirement benefits.

Taylor made sure that Carla Adam's passport got 'lost' right after her airplane landed in India. One call to the US embassy guaranteed us that Carla will never ever will be able to leave India again.

I stop when I round the corner of the hallway that leads to the girl's bedroom. Alexandra is walking out of Felicity's bedroom with her little sister on her arms. Cooing softly into her ear she slips into Elizabeth rooms where she leaves the door partly open.

When I am sure that they won't see me I walk towards the door and peek through the opening.

"Hey Elizabeth…why are you crying?" Alexandra asks. I hear some rustling and some sniffling.

"I am not crying…" Elizabeth replies stubbornly. I roll my eyes. _Christ that kid is stubborn._

"Oh okay…then why are you sad?" Alexandra tries. _Smart kid._

"Because mommy and daddy are mad at me…and daddy yelled…and…and…he didn't let me explain…" She sobs. _Fuck she is right. I didn't let her explain._

"Tell me what happened okay?"

"Christian?" I hear from behind me. "What are you doing?" Anastasia asks. I just bring my finger to my lips and point towards the door. Anastasia smiles and nods her head.

"Camelot was playing in the meadow…and I wanted to play with him." She sniffs. "And then…well I saw that he was playing with something…when I looked I saw that it was a frog…Mr. Frog…" I see her nodding her head wisely as she stares at her big sister.

"Hmm…okay and what exactly happened with Mr. Frog?" Alexandra says cautiously.

"Well poor Mr. Frog had lost two of his skinny legs…and then I decided that I needed to help him…like a doctor…like grandma Grace…" Elizabeth is pouting as she stares at her fumbling hands.

"Okay…"

"So, I ran into the house and got a box from the storage room…I quickly ran back to the meadow and I placed Mr. Frog in it and I whispered to him that I would make him better. But then I asked mommy for a bandage…you know for his legs and she screamed really hard…" Elizabeth's bottom lip starts trembling and she throws herself into her sister's arms. As is watch my girls through the door my heart almost burst out of my chest when I see sleepy Felicity climbing to her feet and patting Elizabeth's head softly.

"And now…I think that Mr. Frost is with the angel frogs…" Elizabeth cries.

"Maybe it will be not so bad." Alexandra says.

"Will you help me make Mr. Frog better again?" Elizabeth asks looking up with teary eyes full of hope.

"Uhm…you see Elizabeth I am not really fond of frogs…just like mommy."

"Okay…I understand." Elizabeth says nodding her head. "You can't help it…" She sighs.

Alexandra giggles and hugs her sister again. "Oh Elizabeth…"

"Alexandra?" Elizabeth asks in a really tiny voice.

"Yes?"

"Do you think I am naughty?"

"Well sometimes, but I don't think you do it on purpose. I think you just get really enthusiastic and then you don't think clearly…" Alexandra explains.

"Is that bad?"

"No…it is not. I think you are really brave and very creative. I never told you but I secretively really loved the flower you painted…"

Elizabeth's face breaks into a beautiful smile. "I liked my flower too!" She squeals.

Then as if she remembers something she gets sad again. "Do you think that mommy and daddy are going to send me away?" Elizabeth whispers.

"No! Mom and dad would never, ever do that Elizabeth. They love us to the moon and back!" Alexandra replies. "Why would you even think that?" Alexandra is holding Elizabeth's face in her hands.

"Well…Colt told me…he told me that I was a little terrorist and that mommy and daddy would send me away…"

"Colt? That new neighbor guy?" Alexandra asks indignantly.

"Uh huh…"

"Well Colt is a big fat liar…and I am going to kick his stupid ass for telling you things like that!" _That's my girl. Fuck that makes me proud as punch._

"But he is a lot older than you Alexandra! He is going to hurt you!" Elizabeth whispers.

Alexandra snorts and brushes the curls from her sister's face. "I am going to call Sam, Zackery and Jesse and then we are going to tell that stupid Colt that you don't mess with a Grey!"

"Okay…" Elizabeth replies.

"Come, why don't we lie down for a minute…until mom calls us for dinner." Alexandra says.

"But my bed is too small…" Elizabeth whines.

"We could go to mom and dad's room." Alexandra says.

"But we are not allowed to go into mom and dad's room Alexandra."

"Sure we are. They just want us to knock before we enter…but mom and dad are not in their room right now…they are probably downstairs…kissing…" Alexandra says making Elizabeth grin.

"Sam kissed you the other day." Elizabeth says looking up at Alexandra who starts to blush immediately. Instead of denying it Alexandra shrugs. "It was my birthday…" She replies simply. And then she sighs. "But he is really handsome…and silly…he makes me laugh all the time." Alexandra says with a dreamy look on her face. "I think that I am going to marry Sam."

I clench my fists at my side and scream in my head. YOU ARE NOT DATING UNTIL YOU ARE FORTY-ISH!

Looking down at Ana is see that she is giving me an apologetic look.

No one ever told me that girls dream about their wedding from the time they are toddlers. Actually, Ana told me but I simply refused to believe her…that is until Alexandra acted out a pretend wedding rehearsal in fucking detail. However…back then it was me she wanted to marry and now Sam has overtaken my place as groom-to-be. _Well. We will see about that!_

Because another thing that no one ever told me, is how irrationally crushed I would be the first time my little girl wanted to marry the handsome, silly boy that makes her laugh all the time, instead of me. Another thing that no one ever told me is how sappy I would get while listening to the "Butterfly kisses" song. No one ever told me how much I would genuinely enjoy manicures, pedicures and tea parties, but I do.

When I look down I see that Ana has tears running down her cheeks.

"Happy tears?" I ask brushing them away with my thumb.

Ana nods and buries her face in my chest. "They are perfect Christian. I think we did good don't you think?"

I nod my head, simply because I am too overwhelmed by what I just heard.

"I think our wish came true." Ana continues. "Our girls know how much we love them and we just have to make sure that while they walk through the rest of their lives they know that we will always be here for them, anyway we can."

"You are right baby."

If I could give my daughters three things, it would be the confidence to always know their self-worth, the strength to chase their dreams and the ability to know how truly, deeply loved they are.

Somehow, even though I made mistakes I must have done something right to deserve the unconditional love I get from my wife and daughters. They managed to turn my bland, boring life into something beautiful by making all the ordinary moments feel like extraordinary ones.

The end.

* * *

 **Hi ladies! Well this is the end of Wish…well sort of because I might add some one shots when inspiration hits me.**

 **I want to thank you all for your support during these last few months. You all have been wonderful.**

 **I will be updating "Someday" in July.**

 **Hugs,**

 **Alner**


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